Work Text:
Buck is acting weird.
It doesn’t take long for Eddie to come to this realization. The only thing is, he’s trying to figure out how this happened.
The day that he and Chris had come back to Los Angeles, Buck had been so happy to see them: both of them. He’d hugged Chris first, his eyes teary as he did so even though he was grinning so widely it looked like his face hurt from it. Eddie had watched them, his arms over his chest, sure that his own face had to be doing something as he looked at the sight in front of him. His heart gave a very steady thump, one that he was getting used to the more he thought about and saw Buck. Maybe distance really did make the heart grow fonder.
But anyways. It couldn’t have happened then. Buck had been happy to see them. He’d hugged Eddie next, albeit a little shyly, and then stayed with them for the rest of the night to catch up on everything he’d missed for the months they’d been gone.
It’s after that that things got weird.
Honestly, maybe it’s Eddie’s fault for assuming that things would go back to the way they were once he and Chris were back in L.A. But…he at least thought Buck would want to be around them. That he’d go back to being a constant presence at the Diaz household.
Instead, Eddie feels like he’s barely seen him since he’s been back. And it’s driving him crazy.
He’ll ask Buck while they’re at work if he wants to come over later, and Buck always has an excuse. At work, it’s BuckandRavi instead of BuckandEddie, how it was for years before Eddie left. It’s honestly blowing his mind that he could be replaced just like that, after just a few months.
And the worst part is…he’s missed Buck. Terribly. And Buck’s avoidance of him is making Eddie feel like maybe Buck didn’t miss him back in the same way.
Eddie’s going to let it go. He really is. Until Chris asks him if he’s allowed to hang out with Buck on Saturday.
Just the two of them. No Eddie.
So Eddie…kind of loses it a bit. He makes sure Chris is okay at home, tells him he won’t be gone longer than an hour, and then hightails it to Buck’s loft. Doesn’t tell him he’s coming over. Doesn’t care to. He just—he just needs to see him and find out what the hell he did to make Buck so…so apathetic toward him. He doesn’t feel like the Buck that Eddie has always known and cared for. Something had to have made him like that, and Eddie is determined to figure out what.
He sees Buck’s jeep in the loft’s parking lot, so at least he’s home. Eddie tries not to look too unhinged as he makes his way to Buck’s doorstep, but he’s not sure he succeeds.
He definitely loses any semblance of cool he had as he bangs on Buck’s front door.
“Geez, dude, what’s—” Buck starts as he opens the door, though he pauses when he sees it’s Eddie. “Oh. Uh, hey.”
“Expecting someone else?” Eddie asks, hoping that he doesn’t sound too bitchy. Except…once again, he’s pretty sure he fails at that.
Buck blinks at him, probably surprised by the tone, before he opens the door more to let Eddie inside.
“Uh, yeah. Ravi was talking about coming over.”
Eddie is pretty sure his eye twitches. “Hm,” he says noncommittally. Is that what it is? Is Buck spending all his time with Ravi now?
“Where’s Chris?” Buck asks as he walks into the kitchen, Eddie following after him. He opens the fridge to get them some beers, but Eddie doesn’t open his. Just sets it down on the island.
“At home. This isn’t going to take long.”
“Okay,” Buck says slowly, clearly confused. “What’s going on?”
Yeah, Eddie would like to know that too. He takes a breath so he doesn’t just go straight to yelling at Buck.
“Chris asked me something interesting today.”
Buck nods at him, encouraging him to go on. There’s a huge gap of space between them, Buck lingering by the fridge while Eddie stands behind the other side of the island. It feels symbolic, almost.
“He asked if he could hang out with you this Saturday. Just the two of you.”
Buck’s eyes light up, a small smile forming on his face. “Oh, yeah! The Natural Museum of History has an exhibit that I think he’d really like, and we haven’t been since he left—”
“Buck,” Eddie interrupts him, and, well, there’s no denying the emotion in his voice.
Buck’s mouth snaps shut, his smile dropping.
“You want to go without me?"
Eddie doesn’t even care how pathetic he sounds. He’s hurt. And maybe he wants Buck to know that.
Buck immediately gets cagey. “I—I didn’t think you’d really be interested in it—”
“I don’t care what it is. I would’ve went if it meant spending time with the two of you. I don’t—I don’t see you anymore, Buck.”
“That—That’s not true—”
“Yes, it is! It is true. Ever since I’ve gotten back from El Paso, you’ve been avoiding me. I came over here to figure out why the hell that is.”
Buck’s eyes drop down to the floor. When he looks back up at Eddie, Eddie can see it: he looks guilty. It’s at least a little bit vindicating to Eddie. He hasn’t been imagining this. Buck has been avoiding him.
“Is it—are you mad at me?” Eddie guesses. “Because I left?”
“No,” Buck says quickly. “Of course not. You had to go. I understand that. I always understood that.”
“So you just…moved on while I was gone? Became best friends with Ravi instead?”
Buck is looking at him like he has two heads. “What? Eddie, no. How could you think that?”
“I don’t know what to think!” Eddie exclaims. He walks over to be closer to Buck, watches the way his throat moves as he swallows. “Tell me. Tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I-I’m sorry, Eddie, okay? We’ll go back to hanging out. Problem solved.”
Problem very much not solved.
“No,” Eddie says firmly, delights in the way Buck squirms a bit. “You’re going to tell me what’s been going on. I’ve missed you, Buck. And you…you have me feeling like you didn’t miss me back.”
Buck’s face falls. He takes a step closer to Eddie as well, his hands reaching out like he wants to touch him, to comfort him, but they fall back down to his sides just as quickly.
“Of course I missed you. I was a wreck without you here.”
“Then why haven’t I seen you?” Eddie asks desperately. “You avoid all of my efforts to hang out. You’re partnered with Ravi at work now. You’re making plans to hang out with my son without me.”
“I know, okay? I know. I’ve been shitty. I-I’ve just been going through something, but it’s not impor—”
“What?” Eddie asks immediately.
Buck swallows again. His cheeks are slightly pink.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me,” Eddie says. He feels a thrill run through him at the way Buck’s mouth parts, like Eddie has taken him by surprise. “Tell me.”
Suddenly, Buck looks miserable. It catches Eddie completely off guard, makes his face soften as he looks at Buck.
“Buck,” he pleads. “Please. You’re making me think something is really wrong.”
“I can’t tell you,” Buck says, his voice choked. “I can’t. I—I can barely be around you.”
Eddie tries not to let the words hurt him, but it feels impossible. He doesn’t even know what he’s done to make Buck feel this way about him.
“You’ve gotta tell me, Buck,” he murmurs. “I can’t have you not be in my life. You’re too important to me.”
“You won’t want me in your life after I tell you,” Buck whispers, his voice shaky.
“What?” Eddie asks in disbelief. “Buck, you could tell me you killed someone and I’d still want you in my life.”
Buck’s eyes go wide and he lets out a sharp, surprised burst of laughter. “What? Okay, I definitely didn’t kill anyone.”
Eddie smiles, going warm at the sight of Buck laughing in front of him. God, he’s missed him.
“See?” He says softly. “We’ve gotten the worst thing out of the way. Whatever it is can’t be nearly as bad as that.”
Buck’s lashes flutter as he looks down at the floor instead of Eddie.
“I—I’ve been avoiding you because…” He trails off, letting out a deep breath. Instead of just coming right out and saying it, Buck redirects. “I missed you so badly when you left, Eddie. Really badly. And it just…it wasn’t getting any better. I thought I’d move on, you know? And I tried. I really did. I tried going on dates to take my mind off of it, I even—” Buck’s cheeks flush. “Um. You know. Did other stuff.”
Eddie snorts a little. It’s not like Buck to be shy about having sex, so he’s not sure why he’s avoiding saying it now.
“It doesn’t matter. It didn’t…none of it went well,” Buck says awkwardly. “I guess it made me realize that…it’s not normal to miss your best friend that much. Not platonically.”
Eddie’s eyes widen. Of all the things he imagined Buck saying, he can’t say he expected this to be the reason Buck was avoiding him. Because it sounds like…
“Buck,” he implores. “Are you—”
“I love you, Eddie,” Buck says, so quickly that the words almost all mesh together. But Eddie understands them. Of course he does. “I’m in love with you. And I’m—I’m so sorry. I’ve been avoiding you because it hurts, because I don’t know how to be around you while knowing that I have these feelings for you. Knowing that I…can’t ever have you.”
Buck swallows thickly, his eyes blinking like he’s trying to hold back tears.
“It’s not your fault that you can’t want me back. That you’re—straight. But I was taking it out on you by not spending time with you, and I’m…sorry. Sincerely. I can be normal about this. I will be normal about this. We’ll go back to being best friends and I’ll never bring it up again—”
Eddie is still trying to wrap his head around Buck being in love with him, but he does know one thing: he doesn’t want what Buck is saying right now. He doesn’t want them to just never talk about Buck’s feelings, for him to bury them down, for him to be in pain while he’s around Eddie. He doesn’t want them to go back to acting like they’re just friends, that this doesn’t change a thing between them, because…it does. It should. Eddie wants…he wants…
Buck is still talking when Eddie darts forward and captures his lips with his.
For many reasons, it is not a good kiss. Buck barely kisses back due to him being caught off guard, and Eddie didn’t get the angle completely right since Buck was still talking when he leaned in to kiss him.
Eddie breaks the kiss, instead looking at Buck who is wide-eyed and breathless, as if they just did a lot more than peck each other on the lips.
“What—you—I thought—”
“Buck. I told you. I missed you, too. Also not a normal amount. And then you made me miss you even more, you jerk.”
He playfully shoves at Buck’s shoulder after he says the words, causing Buck to breathe out a stunned laugh.
“I don’t know exactly what this means for me,” Eddie says honestly. “But I do know I don’t want us to go back to acting like this doesn’t change things between us. It does. In a good way. I want…I want you, Buck. Okay? Please let me have you.”
“Eddie,” Buck says, his voice rough. It makes a shiver go down Eddie’s spine. He’s always loved the way Buck says his name, but there’s something about the way he says it now, full of reverence. Like he’s trying to put all of his feelings for Eddie into one little word.
“You have me,” Buck continues quietly. “You always have. I’m yours.”
Eddie has to kiss him again after that. Feels like he would die if he didn’t. Buck is expecting it this time, so it’s immediately better. Eddie’s hand cups Buck’s cheek as their lips slot together, Buck’s hand resting on the small of Eddie’s back so he can pull him in closer. It’s…almost overwhelming, how good it is. How much it makes Eddie feel. He feels like he’s hyper-aware of every little sensation: the hot puff of Buck’s breath, the softness of his mouth, the warmth of his body pressed up against Eddie, all big and solid and strong. Eddie wants to feel him all over, wants to feel all over Buck’s (ridiculously beautiful, honestly) body in return.
He wants, wants, wants, in a way Eddie’s not sure he’s ever really allowed himself to before.
When air becomes a necessity, Eddie breaks the kiss, resting his head against Buck’s as the two of them catch their breaths. Eddie wants to press him up against the fridge and have his way with him (which…okay, probably isn’t completely sanitary, but he’s having a lot of thoughts right now), but he does have a kid to get back home to. Reluctantly, he takes a step back, creating some distance between them so he doesn’t lean back in to make out with Buck some more.
“I have to get back to Chris,” he tells Buck apologetically.
Buck pouts for all of a second before his face lights up. “Hey, I could go with you.”
“Yeah?” Eddie asks, feeling entirely too enthusiastic at the thought of the three of them spending time together at Eddie’s house again. It’s just been too long. “You’d want to do that?”
“Definitely.”
“What about Ravi?” Eddie asks, as he remembers that he was supposed to stop by Buck’s tonight.
Buck laughs, shaking his head. “Honestly, Eddie, he’s had to listen all about my feelings for you. He’ll probably be relieved to hear that I’m hanging out with you instead.”
Eddie’s own face lights up, stepping back into Buck’s space. “Yeah?”
“Mhm,” Buck hums, his gaze trailing down to Eddie’s lips.
“And I can go with you and Chris to that museum exhibit on Saturday?”
Buck laughs again. “Eddie. Yes.”
“You might get sick of me,” Eddie says, mostly teasing. “I’m gonna want to do everything with you, now that I have you back.”
Buck shakes his head. “I could never be sick of you. I want to do everything with you, too, Eddie. I hated being apart.”
Eddie has to lean in and kiss him again. Doesn’t really have a choice, actually. Buck’s arms wrap snugly around Eddie’s waist while Eddie’s wrap around Buck’s neck and—well, Chris is okay at home by himself for a little while. He would call if something were wrong.