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"Are you serious?" Dotty said, her voice sounding like she was looking at a guy who was out of his mind. And well, she kind of was... Tonny wasn't far from being completely crazy at that point.
"You gave her a second chance?? She... She threw it at your face!" she said shaking her head almost disappointed "Tonny, you gotta be kidding me! She was trying to kill you! Just a bit lower and you would be dead by now! Fucking dead!!!" Dotty shouted, she couldn't understand. Why? Why all of sudden, Tonny, a guy that never let himself fall easily was acting so foolishly?
"I already explained you.. She... She needs me..." The guy said, his arms crossing tightly, his face worried, thinking about Julia. She've been so scared, so lost in those 4 months, trying to understand what was better to do, her desire to go back, the sadness and the tears in her eyes he felt like he wanted to wipe away from her face. She always looked so pretty when she smiled, he wanted to see it every chance he got. He was willing to make sure she'll be safe, and to never fail or leave her again.
"It started off as a tease... I could never think that you could have a soft spot for such a grumpy and hot-tempered girl!" Dotty said in disbelief, falling on the red couch in that small office, sighing while thinking of what Tonny promised Julia.
Why did Ryishmar want to get rid of him??
Tonny could've swore to save her as much as he wanted, but was he really sure he could? He's always been a man of word. He couldn't care less about Ryishmar wishing for him to die, but if Julia was the one to suffer... He couldn't stop thinking about it. He felt his hands shaking while sitting down at his desk and trying to think what was better. Once again, he was doing everything by himself.
Always left alone when he needed someone.
"I want her to live... They can kill me if I don't find a way to save her, but I swear I'll do everything in my power..." He whispered, with his head in his hands.
"So you... Really like her?..." Dotty asked, her tone low and tired, that covered the curiosity she was hiding in that question.
Tonny immediately raised his eyebrows, a slight blush covering his cheeks, as he look away from Dotty, trying to keep something to himself that he didn't want no one to notice. "She asked for my help... I cant let her down... Not when she feels like there's nothing she can do. I'll save her, I want to keep her safe... Close..." Tonny explained, trying to fight the allegations.
"Anthonn, it's clear... I wouldn't mind if you fell for her, but you need to understand she might try to kill you again." Dotty said, almost scolding him.
"No... She... She promised to trust me... She's trying her best, and I promised to save her! I... I know I don't let people in my heart easily... But it's been such a long time, you need to understand, Dotty. I feel like I need someone to be with sometimes. I fall for people rarely but never show, and I watch them smile, laugh, love and live their life without me, they don't come to me because they want to, but just because they need something from me and not me! I watch them develop feelings, wishing it was me... And then they ask me to put their life to an end... And... It hurts too much..." Tonny mumbled, hiding his face in his hands, feeling like hiding it would brush his pain away, make his tears disappear, fulfill his desire for love.
Dotty could understand his need, but it still seemed like it was no different from other times "What will change this time? You don't even know if she likes you-" Dotty, said, standing up and walking towards him.
"I'll try! I'll try.. And... I'll try and open up, I'll try and show that I care... I've already been trying!" He said, looking her in the eyes, his face the one of a guy who was about to crack up "Please... I need to believe in it." Tonny whispered, taking a big breath.
Dotty looked at his face. That sad expression, the tears he was trying to hold back and for a second she heard her heart break at that fragile side he never showed, and she fell silent for a minute, before speaking up again "Alright Tonny... I... I understand. I think I can support you..." she said, a bit unsure in her tone.
"Thanks... Thanks Dotty..." He said, getting up and hugging her, hiding his sad face "I really need this." he admitted while breaking the hug, his face now more relaxed and his expression softer.
Dotty couldn't say what she wanted to. That he didn't need to save Julia... But he always knew Tonny was like that. Always wanted to help out everybody. Always taking the fault. Always doing everything. Always pushing himself to the limit for others.
She wasn't good at comforting people, but she still wanted to try. Because there was no one who could've kept her dream of the perfect life, in the circus, like he could. Maybe it was selfish, but that was true.
And from that day, a month passed by.