Work Text:
Simon was getting real sick of how his people saw him. Ever since he ascended to the throne and inherited the title of Dragon King, people expected him to become another tyrant like his father. On the advice of one of his most trusted servants, he decided to prove once and for all that he would be a fair and just ruler. So here he was, stepping onto the balcony of his palace, flanked by two guards. As soon as the crowd saw him, they immediately shut up.
After giving the mic a few taps and clearing his throat, he began:
"It has come to my attention that public perception of me has not exactly been favorable." He started. "And while I do understand your concerns, I am willing to prove to you that I will be very different from my father."
As he flashed a smirk, the band started up.
[Simon]
A more humane Dragon King
Never did in this land Exist
I'm nobody's second, I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist
It is my very humane endeavor
To make, to some extent,
Each evil liver, a
running river
Of harmless merriment...
Their was a brief pause
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime!
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment!
A thought bubble appears, showing us the all manner of social offenders and their fates
All motor-mouthed society sinners,
Who chatter and gossip and bore
Are sent to hear sermons
From mystical Germans
Who preach from eight till four.
We see Touille and Rabie, banging on the doors of a church, begging to be let out as the preacher bores everyone to death
The amateur tenor, whose vocal villainies
All desire to flee
Kickin is the bad singer in question, scaring everyone away with his awful voice, which we thankfully can't hear
Shall sing obligato
A strain for castrato
In the original key!
Upon hearing that, Kickin shuts up, blushes and covers his crotch.
The nihilists who will never shut up
'Bout pointless reality
Shall be dragged from their lairs
Forced to get some fresh air...
Poe is seen being dragged kicking and screaming outside.
Or watch MLP G3
Baba has been tied to a chair in front of the TV, playing that dreaded show.
Those stupid commuters whose mission, it seems
Is to make the whole process a pain
Maggie is shown annoying the guy sitting next to her on the train with her messy snacking.
They'll their cry out their woes
As they're strapped to the nose
Of our new bullet trains.
Next we see the shark, she's screaming after having been lashed to the nose of a bullet train rocketing down the track at full speed. The thought cloud disappears as Simon laughs maniacally. After a few seconds, he realizes what he's doing and stops, clearing his throat to regain his composure.
[Simon]
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime!
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment!
[Everyone Else]
His object all sublime
He will achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime!
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment!
The thought bubble appears again.
[Simon]
The lay-abouts who nap all day
Make for a sight oh-so obscene
They shall be productive
And very conductive
When force-fed pills of caffeine
CatNap and Allister are shown being made to swallow caffeine pills and do manual labor all day.
The idiots who keep getting too close
And and have no sense of personal space
Shall sit in row 42
With a man with the flu
Who'll keep sniffling into their face
Bobby and DogDay, not wanting to be rude and bottling up their frustrations, grin and bear it as a sick guy cough and sneezes everywhere.
The diet fanatics who preach the perks,
Lambasting those who don't subscribe
Let's get them to stop
With cans of pop
Or several packs they shall imbibe
We see Hoppy strapped down to a table with a giant funnel in he mouth as a giant vat of soda about to be poured in.
And soccer cheats who exaggerate
Or defy the referee's calls
We'll see what they say
When they're forced to play
With a painted bowling ball!
We see Icky hopping around in pain, clutching his foot after kicking a bowling ball disguised as a soccer ball. As the thought bubble dissipates once more, Simon lets out an even more manic laugh, which only stop thanks to a coughing fit. After calming down a bit, he clears his throat.
[Simon]
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime!
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment!
[Everyone Else]
His object all sublime
He will achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime!
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment
Of innocent merriment!
Once the songs ends, the crowd erupts into applause. Not out approval or admiration. No. They're all absolutely terrified.
But Simon doesn't know that.
So, hush!