Chapter Text
It's the cold morning on December 1, 1969, and the gang is nervously sitting around the TV. They're about to start calling the numbers for the draft.
Ponyboy, Soda, and Steve are still too young, and Darry is the only legal guardian on his brother's, so none of them were eligible to have to sign up. Two-bit wasn't either, not when he showed up to the city hall drunk off his ass. So that's how Paul ends up the only one with his draft card in his hands as they sit in complete silence, watching as they begin to call birthdays.
Paul sits with his knees to his chest, eyes glued to the TV as they keep calling birthdays. Darry sits beside him, almost as tense as he is. Paul has this feeling in his chest. He has since they announced the draft 4 months ago. Paul tries to hope that they won't pull his birthday until later, but somehow Paul knows they won't.
The numbers hit 50, and Pony says something about how his chances get better every time. The pit in Paul's stomach is not going away. It gets to number 57, and Paul watches as the man opens the ball, and reads the birthday aloud, “February 25,” Paul feels his heart stop. He closes eyes and puts his hand over his mouth. He thinks somebody is probably trying to say something to him, but all he can hear are his ears ringing. There is no way he is getting out of it. He is going to war.
Paul is snapped out of whatever shock he is in when he feels Darry's strong arms wrap around him. He lets himself fall into his boyfriend's chest as he takes this in. The ringing in his ears stops, and he can hear someone mute the TV before Ponyboy is on his other side. When he finally opens his eyes. He can see the fear in everyone's faces. They don't want to lose someone again, not like they lost Dallas and Johnny.
The rest of the day is almost scarily still, as most of Tulsa takes in the fact they need to send their sons and brothers to war. Paul goes to city hall the next day, and they give him his enlistment papers, which he fills out and hands right back. They tell him he'll head to training in Louisiana next week. He'll get a letter in the mail with more instructions.
Somewhere, deep down, Paul knew this would happen. His life had been too good, and he knew something would come along. After Johnny and Dally died, Paul had had a realization that he just couldn’t stand it on the west side, and that's why he was so miserable all the time. He was lucky enough that Darry heard him out, and it wasn't long before they were back together and what was left of the gang knew. It wasn't long until his father disowned him, and he moved in with the Curtis’s. They are more his family than he's ever had.
In the week before he leaves for basic, the gang tries so hard not to mention it at all. They try their best to act like everything is fine, but he can feel the looks Two-bit is giving him whenever he thinks Paul isn't looking; and Ponyboy's nightmares have started coming back. Paul knows they must be about him, even when Pony refuses to tell him what they are, because every night he comes into Darry and Paul's room and gently wakes Paul, wanting to hear his heartbeat. Paul doesn't mind it. Not one bit. He loves that kid, and he doesn't know how much time he has left with him.
The night before Paul leaves, when his lightly packed bag sits by the front door, they try to act like everything's okay. If this is how it is when he's just going to training, he can't imagine how he will feel when he's actually going to war.
When everyone has gone to bed, Darry holds him close in their bed. They don’t talk, just enjoying each other's company for the last time for 8 weeks.
—
Paul doesn't like basic training. In fact, he hates it. Louisiana is hot and far too humid. He doesn't sleep well the first week, until he is so tired he feels like he could fall asleep standing up. The people aren't very nice, and everyone is focused on themselves. Paul's never been very good at making friends, but it is impossible here.
Paul just wants to be home, but he knows this is only the beginning.
After his basic training is done, he is immediately sent back to his training to be specialized. He will be an infantryman, and be on the front lines in the Vietnam jungle. The training is just as bad as basic was. It's grueling, and everyone is still a jerk. The only hope he gets is now he's allowed to make phone calls once a week, instead of just writing to Darry and the gang.
—
Paul gets to come home for a week before he gets shipped out. Two-bit comes and picks him up from the airport, giving him a big hug when he sees him, and trying to make some joke about his uniform. Paul is so tired, but he chats with Two-bit in the car. Everyone else is at work or school when Two-bit leaves him off at the house before he goes to do something else, but Paul wasn't listening to him all that closely.
Paul is a little on edge, he has been for a while. The house always feels wrong when there is no one in it. He's quick to change out of his uniform, and he goes right to bed.
Pony gets home from school, and he knows Paul is home because his shoes are by the front door, but there is no sign of him anywhere else. Pony looks around, eventually finding him dead asleep in his and Darry's bed. Pony stands in the doorway for a second. Paul doesn't look right with his hair so short, Pony thinks before he closes the door, letting Paul sleep.
The rest of the gang gets home before Darry does, and none of them bother Paul at all, knowing he must be tired. When Darry gets home, he can feel his heart pounding. He hates how it feels like he's losing time with Paul as he's away. Darry says hi to the gang and they tell him Paul is asleep, so Darry goes to see him. Sure enough, Paul is fast asleep on his side of their bed that's been untouched for the past 4 months. Darry gently closes the door and climbs into the bed next to Paul, gently rubbing circles into his shoulder. Paul stirs a bit and rolls over, burying his face in Darrys chest and gripping his arm. “Hey,” Darry says as he cradles Paul close to him.
“Hey,” Paul says, keeping his face in Darrys chest, taking in his scent. Paul feels a little overwhelmed by his emotions for a second, but once he can get it under control, he pulls back to look at Darry in the face as Darry gently rubs patterns into his waist. Paul holds Darrys face in his hands, and Darry leans forward, kissing him gently. Paul kisses him back. They pull back after a bit, and Darry presses a kiss to his forehead before Paul tucks himself back against Darry.
-
For the next week. The gang does the same as they did before, trying not to talk about how Paul is about to leave. No one wants to think about how they've already lost Johnny and Dally, and they really don't want to lose someone else. Darry refuses to think about it at all. He's not sure if he could survive losing Paul that way.
The night before Paul ships out, Darry takes him on a drive, just like they used to in highschool. It's not very long before they get a little bit out of town, and Paul slides across the bench seat to rest his head on Darrys shoulder. After 20 minutes or so of driving, Darry pulls off the road into a dirt road that leads a little bit away from the highway. They used to come out here all the time, back when their biggest worry was if they won a football game. So much has changed since then.
Darry parks the car and they get out. Darry grabs the blanket from the back seat and lays it in the grass. The two of them lay down on it, staring up at the stars. Their hands are intertwined between them, and they silently enjoy each other's company. Darry isn't quite sure how long it's been when he remembers why he brought Paul here tonight, but he sits up, and Paul does too. Paul is looking at him questioning what is happening. Darry sighs as he takes Paul's hands in his own.
“I feel like I should give some big speech, but,” Darry shakes his head, “I don't think I can do that,” Darry reaches into his back pocket pulling out a ring and holding it out in his palm to Paul. Paul gasps a little. It's a simple ring, but Paul recognizes it as Darrys father's ring. Paul can't say he's surprised, but he's definitely emotional. Darry smiles a little, “I've loved you for a long damn time, Paul, and I want to keep loving you until we are both in the ground,” Darry shakes his head a little bit, “I'm sorry, that was kind of morbid.” Paul just laughs a bit, bringing his hand up to Darrys face.
“Anyway,” Darrys smile falls a little, “I know we can't actually get married or anything, but I still want you to have this. I want you to know how much I love you. I don't want you to forget it,” Paul feels a tear slip down his face.
“Yes,” Paul says without hesitation. Yes to what? Paul isn't quite sure; he doesn't think Darry knows either, but he knows that they love each other, and he knows that that's probably enough.
Darry let's a big grin come across his face, “Good,” Darry says as he wipes the tears from Paul's face and slides the ring onto his finger.
Still, tomorrow is casting this cloud over them. It's inescapable; this thought that Paul might never come home after tomorrow. The inevitable feeling that everything will change tomorrow, that he may not be the same person if he even does come home.
-
The next day the whole gang comes down to the train station to see Paul off. The whole platform is filled with men in military uniforms with their families to send them off. Paul knows he wouldn't have anyone here for him if it weren't for Darry.
Steve says goodbye to him first, then Two-bit, both of them giving him big hugs that last longer than is normal. Soda goes next, hugging him big too. Paul tries his best not to think about how Soda is crying. Pony hugs him next, he's crying too. Paul can tell Pony really doesn't want him to let go, but he does eventually, making Paul promise to write to him.
The gang gives Darry a moment to say goodbye to Paul. Darry hugs him too, but it's far tighter than any of the others did. They don't say anything, they just hold each other. Paul wishes he could kiss him right now. “I love you,” Darry whispers in his ear. Paul thinks about the ring on the chain around his neck, tucked carefully against his chest under his shirt.
“I love you too,” Paul whispers back as the train's horn blows, and he has to leave. He takes in the sight of his family one last time before getting on the train, not knowing if he will ever see them again.