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This wasn't happening.
The stars were spiraling like an overexposed camera shot, drawing lines across his vision. Sirens resounded in the cockpit. He was under the crushing force of gravity, Voltron was unresponsive, and he could feel the minute agony of his ribs cracking one at a time.
Blood dotted the weightless atmosphere, sputtered from his lips as he tried to move. They had been swallowed by collapsing realities, yet he was still here.
Where?
Time had ceased, stretched endlessly and shrunk into one tiny point.
"This is Keith… paladins come in."
He couldn't feel anyone else; if this was death, if this was the end, he'd found true hell.
"Anyone?" Every inch of Keith's body was on fire. Tears blurred his vision and the void began to give way to iridescent light.
"We're right here, Keith." A hand on his shoulder startled him and he opened his eyes, wet from tears. Shiro's lips were curled into a concerned smile. Allura was stooped beside him.
This... was a memory, wasn't it?
"Dude, who knew you were a crybaby. Wow. I mean, we did just get sucked into a witch's evil dreamscape, but still man." Lance was trying to make light of the situation, and for once, it sort of helped.
Ever since Keith had traveled the quantum abyss, visions like these would ricochet in his mind. Memories he wasn't sure if he should even be trying to hold onto.
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
Keith often had nightmares of their last stand. Though they had merged all realities and Allura had effectively restarted the multiverse, his memories remained intact.
It had been several months since earth became a central hub for relief activities. With the Atlas stationed there, and a permanent portal-system set up to many prominent planets, it was now full of life once again.
In the aftermath, Lance wed into the royal family and served alongside Allura as not only the monarch of Altea but of the newfound galactic federation. Pidge was under study with the Alkari while Hunk was leading recovery efforts with Matt. Shiro, however, was the busiest of them all. Having been promoted to a high seat within the military, his command in settling the peace made him sparse and unavailable.
It was as simple as the fact that Keith missed him. He missed everyone, and the loneliness crept up like bile in his throat. But he, too, was duty-bound. The Blades' had redirected their purpose and now worked to quell rebellions internally. Space was vast and there were many villains cruel enough to use post-war chaos to prey on the disadvantaged. Not only that. The leaders of this new galactic empire needed protection, the kind that understood the shadows.
Kolivan had headhunted Keith himself, though he'd admitted his hesitation. "You are an excellent warrior," he'd said, "And a reckless brat prone to emotional response. Discipline your skill and you will be truly formidable. Continue as you are now, and you will surely meet death."
Detach. That was the way of the Blade.
Keith had scoffed, unwinding the bandage around his forehead. He healed faster than humans, slower than the Galra. It had only been two weeks since they'd won the war for the universe; and the Blades had resumed operation under the utmost secrecy. "You must be desperate."
"I have faith in you." Kolivan would give him that much, grimace softening. "You must find that faith in yourself."
Keith knew he only had the illusion of choice. Many of the galactic federation still hated the Galra; and Keith was having a bit of a problem with the Galra in himself.
He'd wake up in cold sweats, sheets clawed to shreds, fingernails bleeding, yellowed sclera flashing in the reflection of his mirror. At first, he thought they were just part of the nightmares.
His skin would itch and rash, bruising lavender beneath. His teeth ached from growing pains he couldn't describe. Sometimes whispers felt like screams, and his body wanted nothing more than to curl up under the pressure of anguish every step created.
No one would notice. The fevers broke by morning; everything else he could hide. He saw it only as a burden that he must become accustomed to. Besides, many other things were preoccupying his life.
All of the paladins had received many tempting offers throughout the galaxy; it made sense considering "saved the universe" was on their resumes. In fact, Keith had been offered a generous promotion within the galactic forces as well. From Shiro nonetheless.
It was the last time they'd had a chance to speak alone. Shiro was admiring the desert horizon, dusken and just dark enough to see a splattering of stars. The moon was new and vacant. He'd had yet another arm upgrade, something Pidge had fashioned from a mix of Altean, Earthian, and Alkari plant technology. It looked exactly like a regular arm; but had myriad properties. Shiro had jokingly told him he had to water it and then it would flower. For some reason neither of them could explain, it didn't lighten the mood.
"Eventually, I plan to dissolve the Earthian system of militia." Shiro had become austere as he gazed and spoke, and Keith stood across the room at ease, but uncomfortable. Why? He couldn't know.
Shiro continued, "Instead it will be more like an intergalactic counsel with an interterritorial guard..."
Shiro's vision was vast, probable, and just. So when he said, "Until then, I would like to promote you to my chief of external affairs. I know you like your freedom, that's why I think this would be a good fit for you."
Though Shiro was sincere, somewhere deeper, beneath the surface, lingered doubt. Like he was half-hoping Keith would turn him down.
He was incredibly intuitive, and only recently had he realized just how well that tended to work for him. Keith sighed. "You know, I've always followed after you.” By this time he'd surrendered to the fact his Galran genes were taking over. He wasn't sure he'd survive the process. "I believe in you. And I want to support your dream."
"Thank you." Shiro smiled, but it was laced with dread. They'd lost their connection; lives for Keith and souls for Shiro. Neither of them had ever really opened up to each other. Always keeping secrets. "But I want you to choose for yourself, not for me."
Keith could see a crack in the window's reflection. "Will you give me some time to think about it?"
Finally, Shiro turned to him, still wearing that tired smile. "Of course."
Time, however, was still something they did not have. Nor its luxury, to heal and process and come to terms with life after war.
Keith was still fighting.
That was two weeks after their last stand. Now, four months had passed. Keith managed to quell his Galran shifting with a quintessence elixir Allura created for him after being sworn to silence.
"I don't like this, you hiding it from everyone. But I understand why you're doing it." It was the middle of the night down in the crystalline vats beneath her kingdom; Lance was snoring in their luxurious bed none-the-wiser, and Allura was knee deep in a very complicated alchemical spell. "One drop a day. Don't overdo it, or you will see side effects."
"I owe you one." Their bond had grown deepest over time, probably because they were so similar. Except Allura was stronger than him. She could handle anything.
"It's only a temporary solution." She handed him the vial. "You'll have to face yourself eventually, Keith."
He cast her a wry grin. "We'll see about that."
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
The Marmoran base, aptly nicknamed the Mothership, was still under construction. He trained with the Blades and attended their meetings.
What did he want? He wanted to follow his heart, to follow Shiro. That's what he'd thought. Now, he realized what he really wanted was to protect what he held dear; everything he had fought so hard for. To learn how to love himself, to detach, to serve the chaos.
And getting a second in edgewise with Shiro was nigh impossible. He was rarely home—which was a glorified apartment at HQ, where all of them had a pad. Keith lived there too, on the west side of campus. Sometimes they would pass in the halls or through the courtyard, but Shiro was never alone and could never pause for more than a brief 'hello' before moving on.
He thought he'd finally cornered him on a Saturday evening in a lesser-used mess hall, where Shiro had apparently escaped to do more work instead of taking a much needed rest.
"Hey," Keith leaned against the doorframe, alerting Shiro to his presence. "You should take a break."
"I will once I finish this report." Shiro ruffled his hair, brow furrowed in concentration.
"Do you have time—"
"Not right now, Keith." It was a rare curtness. "I'm sorry, but I really need to focus on this."
"All right," That's why he hadn't crossed the threshold. "Don't work yourself too hard."
"Thanks." Shiro lifted a hand in farewell.
Keith made several attempts after that, to no avail.
A few in the courtyard, which he staked out. Lance had found him most of the time instead—he was basically Allura's courier—and agitated him to grab drinks with Matt and Hunk when he was free. He never was.
A couple before and after de-briefings, of which they were only on ‘L’ in the alphabetical list, so it was a lot about Lotor. Keith loathed it. Shiro always had a line of people waiting to ask him questions after, and Keith would loiter in a corner of the room looking menacing until they petered out.
"When's your next meeting?" Keith sparked conversation as Shiro gathered up his files.
"Fifteen minutes in the field lab." Shiro checked his watch. "I'll have to run."
"You're a busy man." Keith didn't push, he never could.
“Don't remind me.” Shiro chuckled, and took a moment to really look at Keith—something fond and hesitant in his gaze. “We need to catch up, huh. I'll contact you about it soon, okay?”
Shiro was distracted, however, and Keith already saw the real L coming his way. There had been a month of no contact at all. And then,
Once in the bustling coffeehouse just outside the base, a mere coincidence, Keith sat down across from him and was met with a pleased if surprised smile.
"Keith, it's been awhile.” There was real warmth in his voice, “I'm sorry I haven't been able to get in touch… this must be fate telling me to take a break, huh? How've you been?"
Keith clutched his coffee like a vice. His own small smile was difficult to bear. "Hanging in there. You?"
"I've been swamped with ambassador screenings and scheduling offworld meetings—five years out now, can you believe it?" Shiro sipped his americano like a lifeline. "I need to organize a team for this kind of thing."
"Speaking of," Keith thought he'd finally found his opportunity.
"Hey, Shiro! Sorry I'm late. I forgot we decided not to trash Sheikle's proposal and had to run back." It was Curtis; he was responsible for the archives and was a main lead on said organizing efforts. "Oh, Keith. Good to see you, man. Acxa tells me you've been helping with the Mothership."
Keith didn't miss the slight tick in Shiro's brow. He slid his chair back, frustrated. "Yep."
"I'd been wondering what you were up to." Shiro admitted.
"I'll get out of your hair." Keith got up, practically flinging himself from the conversation. He did not wait nor listen for Shiro asking him to stay.
The last time he attempted had ended in utter disaster. The five paladins had met up for a drink in the Altean castle gardens after the anniversary gala; and all of them had gotten completely wasted.
Shiro and Keith were the only two left on the open balcony, vined columns blooming flora and stone fountains creating a gentle ambience. Altea's galaxy was not disrupted by light pollution and the sky glowed within its spirals.
Keith was draped over an ivory chaise, flute of Altean champagne about to slip from his fingers. Shiro caught it just in time, setting it on the glass table beside him. He chuckled at the frown Keith shot him and said, "I've needed a night like this… for a long time.”
"Like you wouldn't believe." Keith sat up to make room for Shiro, both of them clumsy in tipsy movement. "Plus, these Altean garments are so flowy and comfortable."
Shiro could absolutely agree with that. Currently, Keith was unaware that the pale robes he was wearing had loosened somewhat, slipping slowly off his shoulders. "What I meant was that I miss spending time with you.”
He hadn't been expecting the softness in his tone, or the gentle roughness of a callused palm stroking his cheek. Keith dared to look up, to find Shiro focused solely on him. "I…" why did he hesitate? Keith turned demure when Shiro's hand settled on his neck, "I've missed you too."
They kissed in a drunken stupor that at the time had felt nothing short of paradise. Keith wanted to be completely honest then. That he would stay by his side, that his body was doing strange things, that he knew things he shouldn't, that he... he didn't know what he wanted. Just that he did.
"Shiro, I—”
A siren began to bellow and the sound of nearby explosions followed, smoke pluming into the crisp night sky.
It was Pidge and Hunk doing something stupid. And by the time Keith and Shiro had arrived at the scene sobered up and disgruntled, the ending had already been set into motion.
In the morning, on the stroll to the portal-gate for earth, Shiro had smiled at him in a way that showed regret and said, "I'm… sorry about last night."
And Keith found his resolve.
He declined Shiro's offer for a promotion via official letter, too distraught to face him properly. The Marmoran Mothership's completion date drew near. So did the end of his quintessence suppressant. Fate had lined up his choice.
It had to give him one last reason to leave. He was going directly to Shiro's office, something that Wasn't Allowed, but surprisingly no one stopped him. It was a cruel twist. He was going to tell Shiro. Have one last hurrah. Then he was going to let go.
But he never made it to Shiro's office. Just outside the quiet hall, he heard voices. He pressed into the shadows and peeked. It was Shiro and Curtis.
They were talking so quietly it was almost a whisper, but Keith's Galran sense honed in with ease.
"Why are you so stressed?"
"You know why."
"I don't, that's why I'm worried."
Shiro sighed, closed his eyes. "Curtis, this isn't a good time—"
Then they were kissing. Shiro didn't cave in, nor did he pull away; but Keith had seen enough. He left without waiting for closure. He did not catch the eyes who noticed his shadow.
Even though death couldn't keep them apart, somehow this could. Because of Keith's own insecurities, his own doubts. Shiro deserved better than what Keith could offer him.
The Marmoran Mothership's launch was at 0600 tomorrow. He'd run out of the quintessence elixir three days ago. That night, the pains of suppressed shifts caught up with him. He didn't make it back to his flat, stumbling into the hallway wall and sliding to the floor.
Keith clutched at his chest, struggling to breathe. He heard footsteps. A confused, "Keith?" And the dread that gave him tunnel vision as Shiro approached, "What's wrong?"
When Shiro knelt beside him, Keith flinched, folding into himself to hide as much as possible. "Don't look."
"You're..." But it was too late. Shiro could see the color of his skin in the sliver between his glove and sleeve. He could see it on his nape where his dark hair parted. "We need to get you to the hospital."
"No, don't. To Allura—" Keith shoved Shiro away, but that took the last of his remaining energy. Slumping back to the ground, the last thing he heard was, "Keith!? Stay with me..."
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
Shiro despised how busy he was. It was a different buzz than the constant alert of war. Instead he was in high demand everywhere, all the time, because people needed his insight and guidance. He was thrilled, true, but also exhausted. His new arm upgrade had its own slew of problems, being organic and all that, and the mission he had received from the entity of earth was almost worse than the Atlas on his shoulders.
And, simply put, he missed the love of his life. He rarely saw Keith anymore, and the few times he did were consumed in pressing problems.
He should have seen it coming. Keith was always the type to hide his troubles; he struggled to find himself worthy of reliance. How long had he been keeping this secret?
When Shiro carried Keith through the portal-gate into the Altean castle, his body felt lifeless and cold. Allura, already informed of the situation, was waiting in the med bay.
"I told him to take it easy." She muttered as Shiro settled him into the healing pod.
"Why didn't I know about this?"
"He had me swear not to speak a word of it." She shot back. "Not that I agreed with him, but I understand why he wanted it this way."
Shiro looked through the warped glass at Keith, vitals low. His skin had changed hue; and now he resembled his mother in more than just the eyes and sharp jawline. But his beauty remained intact, and there was no denying he was Keith. Though Keith could deny Shiro was no longer quite himself. Was that why he couldn't trust him? Was that why he'd been kept in the dark?
"I think..." Shiro felt a wave of remorse wash over him. "I think he's been trying to tell me. I kept pushing him away..." Because he didn't want to place his own heavy feelings onto Keith, he wasn't sure if he even had the right.
"Don't blame yourself, there was no way you could have known." Allura offered him a small smile. "And don't blame Keith either, he knows how overwhelmed you are."
"Ouch." Shiro would take the light jab, it set his nerves at ease. "I should have noticed, though. If I was paying attention—"
"You two are so frustrating." She cut him off. "He seems to be stabilizing. I had given him a quintessence suppressant that was more like an alchemical glamour."
"Like a placebo?"
"Sure." Allura shrugged. "It didn't actually suppress his transition; it just eased the pain and hid the symptoms. If mixed genes are overexposed to quintessence, they can cause one's physical nature to shift. It's part of what my father's study included about the rift. Galran-Alteans would start exhibiting more or less of a certain parent's traits. We believe it has a lot to do with the coinciding environments as well. Since Keith has identified more with his Galran essence..."
"So he's going to be okay?"
"He'll be fine. He passed out due to the sheer amount of stress his body is undergoing. I'm sure human males also go through a painful growing period in their youth?"
"Oh, yeah." Shiro shuddered at his own memories.
"That combined with the rapid shift is probably quite intense. I'll admit I'm surprised he kept it up for this long. He should stay hospitalized until his body settles, but he'll be okay. Rest is all he needs."
"Why did he try to hide it?"
"You should ask him, not me." Allura sighed. "Let me guess, he didn't tell you he was planning to leave with the MM either."
"He turned down my offer to work beside me." That's why he'd had to promote Curtis to the position; and it was becoming problematic because the poor man had read into it the wrong way. He knew how Shiro felt about Keith.
"You need to be honest with him first. How do you expect him to confide in you the way things are now?" Allura had crossed her arms, leaning against an empty pod. "Have you considered things from his point of view?"
For some reason, Shiro was struck with jealousy. The sting of the truth. "I wanted him to do what was best for him, without taking me into consideration. He's always chasing after me. I wanted to set him free."
"Idiot. Tell him you love him. Ask him to stay. Otherwise, he will go away." More than angry, Allura seemed tired. They all had heavy duties to bear. The war had ended, but the fight—the internal struggle to be okay—still raged.
"There is a lot going on between us we haven't talked out yet. I haven't even had a chance to really thank him for saving my life... for never giving up on me. I want to tell him how grateful I am."
Shiro was beside himself. It was nearing 18:00 and he had a dinner meeting with the Prisnaeya. If he were to cancel, several months of tender rapport building with the delicate and sensitive race would fly. And the galactic federation needed their psychic technology. This was a race known to destroy their own cities over a slight rudeness.
"It's a missed opportunity." Allura could only shake her head.
"I've got to go." Shiro already regretted his decision. He didn't have a choice. Their freedom in the pursuit of freedom itself had been clipped in the wings. "I'll be back as soon as I have a chance."
Something about the way Allura curled into herself disturbed him. "Better hurry, Shiro."
He hadn't missed his opportunity yet.
That's what he'd thought two years ago, the night Keith disappeared from his life. He'd spirited away to the Marmoran Mothership and in doing so dropped out of contact with everyone and everything.
Though, apparently Pidge would run into him from time to time, and she always had an update.
The last time Pidge encountered Keith had been a case where the federation's growing science division was hailed. A top secret mission Shiro passed, knowing how dangerous it was and knowing it would go to the MM. They were the double agents, those that walked alongside chaos; and just so well courted death.
Her mother had begged Pidge not to go. She knew the risks. Even Matt pleaded. But Pidge was a paladin; she'd faced much worse odds.
"You're basically going to diffuse a nuke full of quintessence. Something Honerva had been working on the side." That's how Shiro had described it. The MM's Captain, Kolivan, had pinged him the request.
"Hyper concentrated quintessence in the form of massive explosives." Kolivan said. "An entire planet's worth, completely harvested. The atmosphere has gone out of control, but the crust remains stable. Fissure is a potential, but my most experienced pilots are up to the task. We need someone scientifically minded to analyze the polarities and diffuse the threat. A few of my men recommended Paladin Pidge."
It was more of a demand than a request; or rather a necessity. Pidge was familiar with diffusing and creating Galran bombs. Which was essentially exactly what this was. An entire planet rigged to destroy the entire solar system; and they had eight days to stop it.
Shiro had refrained himself from asking just who recommended Pidge. He knew who. And since it had been over six months since he'd last heard hide or tail of Keith, he could hope he was still alive and well.
Pidge had accepted the mission and returned successful eight days later. "I had fifty-two seconds left," she shrugged, exhausted—and out of the kindness of her heart, updated Shiro on Keith.
"This is top, top, TOP secret, only between paladins secret, beyond classified." Pidge stressed.
Shiro tried not to freak out and hoped it didn't show on his face. "Noted."
"It's just ‘cause MM does some shady stuff." Pidge released a sigh. "Anyway, Keith is fine. More Galra, long hair in a braid he wraps around his neck—seems to be a trend with the Blades—still in one piece."
"Why did you wind me up like that?" Shiro snorted, sinking back into his chair. "I'm glad you made it back safe, Pidge. We were all staking out in control on the edge of our seats."
"Well, we did almost die. The whole time I was deconstructing the main generator, which had an eighty-two lock-key mind you, Keith was circling through a fucking tornado shitting lightning everywhere and also it was a 500 mile high sand storm."
"Holy—"
"Man, it felt like the old days. Really thrilling. He got us out with barely a scratch. But..." Here Pidge grew more austere. "We didn't talk much. Too busy. The few times I got to see him face to face, he just looked... kinda listless, not gonna lie. A bit weird, even for Keith."
"Did he tell you what he's been up to at all?"
"Even if he could, he wouldn't. I don't think he'd be able to explain it." Pidge gratefully accepted the coffee Shiro offered. They both drank it simple and black. "From the little work I've done with the MM, they have their fingers in many pies. I'm sorry, Shiro, but it's above both our paygrades. What I do know I've sworn under oath of death never to speak of without a MM clearance."
"Just what in the hell are they doing?"
"I would ask your Galran ambassador." Pidge ticked a brow. "Oh wait. Both you and Allura—and I get it you're busy—have not promoted a Galran ambassador for the federation. Elections are upcoming next year. Hunk's off his nuts trying to get a meeting with you, by the way. You've neglected him for over two months."
"I know. I'm meeting him tomorrow for lunch at The Cabbage." Shiro rubbed at his temples. "The counsel is taking a lot longer to assemble than I anticipated."
"It's not easy to pick up the pieces of a destroyed universe." Pidge agreed. "And here and there, some of those pieces are gonna be really fucked up."
"I get it, Pidge." Shiro stood to pour himself another cup of coffee. He'd already finished his first. "Can you at least affirm they're loyal to our cause?"
She chuckled. "That's so Pisces of you. And yeah, they're fighting for a just cause."
The moon peaked through the blinds of Shiro's large foreroom window, waning. "Listless you say..."
Pidge was quiet, observing Shiro in the moment. Then, snickering, "I've seen something good."
"What're you on about?" Shiro was standing in the kitchen, gaze distant on the night beyond, clutching his coffee with both hands.
"I wasn't sure, but now I can confirm it. I just got lucky." She was still snickering, holding back. "It's not listless, I got it wrong. It's lovelorn. Damn!"
Shiro's brow furrowed, slow on the uptake.
"Y'know, he probably wanted to ask me the same questions you are right now."
"He didn't, though."
"Well, he lives a very private life. I think he's just trying to protect you. You two are on totally different hemispheres, after all."
Shiro walked in the light, Keith walked in the dark. But which side was real? Was right? The truth was neither.
Pidge yawned. "Here's the good news, I saved it for last. Did you forget about the Paladin Gala in two weeks? It's the third anniversary of universal freedom."
Shiro still had the unopened, extremely fancy holographic invitation on his desk, half skewed by a pile of expenses paperwork. "It's that time already, huh..."
"Keith is required to come this time. Allura summoned for him. He RSVP'd with me last night." Pidge waved her mug for a refill. "Got any snacks? I'm starved."
While Shiro dug out his guilty pleasure—a box of white cheddar cheese-its—Pidge gave him an earful. "How long are you and Allura going to have this cold war, by the way? I know you're both busy, but just because you disagree over one planet does not mean you shouldn't be relying on each other. Greatness crumbles from the inside."
He almost didn't want to share the cheese-its. Pidge was too damn smart sometimes. "We've been in communication. In fact, Lance invited me for dinner with them in a couple days."
Pidge mimed a gag. "It just seems so politik."
"I know, and I agree."
"None of us have had any time to just be friends. I'm looking forward to the gala. You should take that opportunity to tell Keith how you feel."
Shiro had seen it coming. When Pidge pinned you, all of your secrets were exposed. "How I feel is very complicated, but thank you."
"I can't say I get it, but you have my support." Pidge got to her feet, grabbing her coat and readying to leave. "You know, there's one thing that's been bugging me for a while now."
"What is it?" Shiro paused behind Pidge at the door.
"Did you ever consider electing Keith for Galran ambassador? Acxa turned it down, she's not social enough. Krolia is big time MM. All the Blades are loyal to their lifestyle. Mixed Galrans are everywhere too and they are still Galra. He would stand for a lot."
Shiro had considered it. It was the ploy behind the original offer he had given Keith. Because he knew if he didn't warm him to the potential, he would run away. He'd run away anyway.
It was actually the real reason he and Allura had been disputing. "It would simplify things." She had a logical explanation. It swayed him.
"That's the reason she summoned him." Shiro admitted. It was probably the only way to ensure he showed up. At the end of the day, even the MM played by the federation's rules.
Pidge whistled. "How long has Hunk been waiting to drop this headline?"
"About three months."
"He must be a masochist."
They both laughed at that. "Thanks for stopping by even though you must be exhausted."
"It was a good talk. And great coffee. Your French press is the best." Pidge bid him goodnight, "See you bright and early for the debriefing."
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
Two years ago, Keith had woken in a medbay bed on Altea and dragged himself into a sitting position. When he looked down his skin was lavender. His nails were sharpened like claws. He didn't want to see the rest, but he felt his ears. He'd gone totally Galra.
He checked the time. 0400. He could probably still make it to the MM for dispatch. Kolivan would never forgive him otherwise.
He knew Shiro had brought him here, and that he'd probably had questions for Allura. But knowing Shiro, he didn't pry. He wasn't here now. And it was time to go.
That had been two years ago, but now Keith was accustomed to his Galran presentation. As was the Blades’ way for showing seniority, he'd grown his hair into a long braid that wrapped around his neck like a noose.
And currently he was attending a meeting he'd been told nothing about, only to find the faces of Allura and Shiro on the holoscreens.
"What's the meaning of this, Kolivan?" Keith muttered under his breath, but stayed at attention, hands behind his back.
"You're to be debriefed on your next mission by these two."
Keith stepped up to the mantle, ruefully dropping his Mamoran mask.
"Keith," Shiro unleashed a relieved smile. "It's good to see your face."
He didn't react to Keith's physical changes the way he'd expected him too. "You too." He said, clipped, then, "So why have you summoned for me?"
Allura cut straight to the chase, wearing a trepidatious smile of her own. "You've been elected as the Galran Ambassador, Keith."
"I've been what?"
Shiro grimaced, catching the fire flashing behind Keith's eyes at the sudden statement. "We need you."
I need you. Here. He didn't say out loud.
Keith crossed his arms, turning his glare over to Kolivan. "What choice do I have?"
"The MM expects you to take the position until a… willing candidate is secured." Kolivan said, hiding his amusement. Just barely.
"And?" Keith whipped back around to the holoscreens. "How long is that supposed to be? Months? Years? I don't want to sit around in an office! I'd rather die!"
"It won't be office work. You'll have a team assigned for that. Instead you'll be joining me and Shiro on peacekeeping missions."
"Consider yourself an esteemed bodyguard?" Shiro tried to win his favor.
Keith saw right through it. "You know I don't deal well with the public. This is why you required me to come to the gala, isn't it.” He turned a sharp look to Allura. “Consider my RSVP revoked."
Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you mind if just Keith and I have the room?"
Once they were alone, Shiro's expression shifted. Softening around the edges a little, but still rigid. "I'm sorry to spring this on you without consulting you first." Not like Keith had given him any other choice.
Who was reticent, refusing to meet his gaze. "Why me?"
"There are so many reasons." Shiro offered him a wan smile. "You're clever, quick on your feet, good at improvising. You're a natural born leader. A little practice with how to give speeches and you'll bring the Galran people to a new light."
"Why me?" Keith finally looked up at Shiro, insinuating a different question altogether.
"Because," Shiro sighed, deciding to be honest. "I miss you, Keith. We all do, you know. And I feel stronger with you by my side."
"I'm always by your side, Shiro." The blaze in Keith's temper died down, leaving him anxious and small instead. It reminded Shiro of their garrison days, and he wished they could go back in time before any of this had happened. "Even if it's in the shadows, I'm there."
"Then, will you agree to it?" He hoped. When he saw Keith at the gala he was going to draw him in close, take him somewhere quiet, and they were finally going to have a long talk. A discussion years and years overdue.
"Under protest." Keith waved for the sensors to allow Kolivan back in. He did not look at Shiro again, and not once did he smile.
Shiro really missed his smile.
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
Preparation for the gala was underway when Keith arrived, touching down and opting to silently stalk the Altean castle to find his own way in—checking the security points as he did so. He was discovered by Pidge, who was in kahoots, and they managed to scare the piss out of Lance by sneaking into his room.
"So you're really gonna do it?" Lance had asked him after serving them tea in the courtyard. People were hustling about dealing with bunches of flowers and ribbons and decorations for the event in the valley below.
"I can't decline." Arms crossed, signature grumpy Keith.
"Shiro's doing, I presume?" Pidge asked.
Keith had left them there without a response. He wanted to finish his parameter check. There were no other Blades here, and it made him uncomfortable. These might be peaceful times, but there were still large factions desiring to turn the universe back into a battlefield for power and control.
The evening had fallen when he completed his rounds, ending up at the central gardens, through which his rooms for the stay were just beyond. Altean skylines looked much like earth, save for the bright alchemical rings always shining down onto the planet. It was rare to see a smattering of stars on days the rings were lit; and for the eve of celebration they certainly were.
Soft blue lamps flickered on in the dusk regardless, and the datura sclera of his eyes refracted their bioluminescence. It was quiet, just the sound of groidjippers clicking their wings and curly-winged moths dancing about the shrubbery.
Keith stopped, his breath catching in his throat. He wasn't alone.
Instincts alight, Keith acted in one fluid motion. He drew his blade, spun on his heel, and had his pursuant up against the tree, knife held at his throat.
"Whoa, Keith! It's me!" Shiro held up his hands, wide-eyed with shock and a bit of terror.
Keith backed off immediately, flipping his blade and tucking it back into its sheath. "Shiro? You know better than to sneak up on me."
"I do now." Shiro adjusted his collar, thankful Keith always chose to spare life when he could. He would have been dead if he'd been serious. And Shiro was worried, because it'd been years since the war ended—but to Keith, nothing had changed. He was still a warrior. "Are you always this on edge?"
Keith regarded him with a stoic eye. No matter how much he wanted to be vulnerable and kind to him, now wasn't the time. There probably never would be a time. "It's my job."
"You can relax a little while you're here. This is a gala, after all." Shiro gently placed his hand on Keith's shoulder, wincing a bit when he flinched. "I know you've been working hard with the Blades, but it's good to take a break every now and then. Aren't you the one who was always reminding me about that?"
Keith had crossed his arms, glancing up at Shiro to search his expression. What was he looking for? He took Shiro's hand, removing it from his shoulder. "I'll try, but no promises."
Shiro chuckled. "That's so like you." He seemed to realize he was imposing. "I heard you'd arrived and Lance told me where your rooms were, so I just wanted to drop by and say hello."
"You've mellowed out." Keith stated, catching him off guard.
"Have I?" Shiro blinked, "You certainly haven't."
"Oh, definitely." Keith huffed, lips curling into the slightest smirk. "Looks like these past two years have done well on you." He strolled past Shiro, patting him on the arm as he went. "See you at the main event?"
Shiro watched him go, morose. He didn't have the right to stop him.
────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────
Keith accepted ambassadorship with a strange placidity about him. Whatever it was, he'd made up his mind—and over the years, he’d become much more confident in himself.
He even gave a small speech during the gala's main event, though it was delivered short—and not very sweet.
"I am Keith Kogane, Paladin of the Red and Black lions, and member of the Blade of Marmora. I am only half Galran, but I have been elected to represent the changing tides of the Empire. My seat here will only be temporary until a permanent candidate is found."
Shiro had to laugh at the comments surrounding him. Some had said he sounded and looked Galran enough, with his brusque attitude and all.
And no matter where he looked for Keith later that evening, if he found him he was surrounded by acolytes of many races, and clearly disgruntled by their questioning. Allura remained alongside him to assist, casting Shiro away with warning glances.
He wondered if he was paying his dues for the way he’d treated Keith all those years ago.
It wasn’t until the last day of the gala that Shiro decided—even if he had to corner Keith, he was going to face him properly. He couldn’t let this go—let such an intense adoration and admiration and love fall through his fingers. He’d considered it for long enough, whether he should allow himself the feeling at all.
He’d found his resolve.
It was similar to that night in the gala of years past, when he’d kissed Keith and then ran away like the coward he was. He still couldn’t forgive himself for that.
The night’s party was much smaller, only for the paladins and their closest comrades. Everyone was dressed down in comfortable but lavish evening wear—including Keith, who had been forced out of his Marmoran suit when Allura told him he looked too intimidating.
Currently, he was leaning against the railing of one of the upper gardens, high up in the Altean castle’s recesses. Down below the royal city sparkled with blooming flowers and fireworks.
Keith had sensed him coming, addressing him without turning around. “You should take a look at this view, Shiro.”
So he joined him, resting his elbows on the railing. The view was lovely, but what he was looking at was lovelier. Keith was swirling a flute of champagne in one hand dangling over the railing, hip cocked with his lean. He was dressed in Galran robes—dark colors, simple and slim-fitting—and he looked stunning in them. “It’s beautiful.”
“This is what we fought so hard for.” Keith sipped at his drink, eyes glittering from the reflection of the dancing lights below. “Sometimes it feels surreal to even be standing here like this, knowing the battle’s done.”
It was rare for Keith to be so sentimental. He was a stoic, reserved individual through and through, even more so as he’d grown into an adult. It was a relief to hear those words, something he thought about all the time. “Sometimes it feels like the battle never really ended.”
“For me it hasn’t.” Keith huffed, taking another sip. His cheeks were somewhat flushed from the alcohol—he’d always been a lightweight—but Shiro knew he was too on guard to ever let his focus slip out of his control.
But maybe his emotions weren’t a part of that package. It was endearing, to say the least, as Keith went on, “But I prefer it that way. Though, now I’m screwed since I’ve agreed to be an interim Galra ambassador.”
Keith grimaced when he said it, clearly still annoyed with the idea, and swished his champagne around to make it bubble.
“You’ll still be going on missions. Just less violent ones.” Shiro reminded him. “Allura and Lance will be with you. So will I. Feels like we should just gather Pidge and Hunk to make the whole team again.”
“I tend to attract chaos with me wherever I go.” Keith sighed, downing the rest of his alcohol. “So I’m not sure this is a good idea. There are plenty of factions out there who know my face and want me dead as a Galran imposter. I’ve met a few of them here already.”
“Is that why you’ve been so twitchy this whole time?” Shiro smiled at him, though it was tinged with anxiety. He was always so willing to put himself in so much danger after all he’s already been through. It hurt, but he knew he couldn’t stop Keith—this is what he was born for; that’s what he’d probably say. “Chaos or not, we need you, Keith.”
I need you. Shiro wanted to say it, but the words caught in his throat.
Keith tipped a shoulder, turning his face to look at Shiro for the first time since he’d joined him on the veranda. “Isn’t that why I’m here?”
“I think I need a drink myself.” Shiro admitted, overwhelmed by the depth of the gaze Keith pinned him with. “Care to join me?”
He did, strolling with Shiro to the gazebo with floating trays of finger foods and liquors. With glasses in hand, Keith told Shiro there was another place he’d found in the castle with an even better view. He didn’t need any excuses to follow him.
They were on the roof, overlooking the expanse of Altea’s eventide. The sun had set, casting the sky in darkening pastels. A few of the nearest stars shone about, and the light from the alchemical rings began to glow.
And, they were alone.
“You know,” Keith spoke first to fill the silence that had befallen them as they gazed at the sky. “I think I could die with no regrets now.”
Shiro ticked a brow, lounging on the round cushion large enough to fit quite a few people. Keith was beside him, not quite as relaxed—but he did look pleased. “What makes you say that?”
“Take a wild guess, Shiro.” Keith rolled his eyes at him, finally flopping back into the cushion. “Aren’t you busy? You sure you have time to waste like this?”
Shiro was confused, and scorned. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”
It made Keith wince. “Right.”
But he hadn’t meant it like that. His own insecurities were crawling around in his head. It’s been years. He’s not the same man he was. Keith deserved better, more than what he could offer.
“I’m sorry,” He said, taking a swig of his drink to gain liquid courage. “What I meant was, this isn’t a waste of time to me. In fact, I wish we could spend time like this more often.”
“Yeah, it’s been forever.” A nostalgic expression lit up Keith's face. “I miss hanging out on the Garrison roof with you past curfew.”
“I was just thinking about that.” Shiro smiled at the memory.
Keith was too. He set his drink down on the table before them and shifted himself to face Shiro, one knee drawn onto the cushion. There was resolve in his posture, even if his movements struck Shiro as cute.
“So, what is it?” He asked out of the blue. “Why have you been keeping me at an arm’s length all this time only to approach me now? I thought about all sorts of reasons. Maybe because I’ve basically lost my humanity,” he gestured at his Galran appearance, unaware that in Shiro's eyes it only made him more enchanting, “Or because we’ve both changed so much after…” He drifted off, afraid to say it out loud. “After everything.” Was all he could manage.
Shiro couldn’t be a coward about this anymore. “It has nothing to do with who you’ve become, Keith. It’s because almost the whole time you were out there fighting for the universe, the person beside you wasn’t me. I don’t know how to make it up to you.”
“But you were beside me.” Keith met his gaze, brows furrowed. “I could feel you when I piloted the black lion. It was like you were right there, guiding me. It didn’t make sense back then… but it does now.”
Shiro shook his head with a weary sigh. “You’ve always been perceptive.” Even disembodied, he remembered what it felt like to persist within the lion's spirit. “I’ve always wondered this. Why did you save me back then—even after knowing it wasn’t really me?”
“It was still you, even if you wished that you didn’t exist.” Keith closed his eyes, face going pale from the memory. “I’d made peace with myself then to save you no matter what—or who—you’d become.”
Shiro felt his stomach drop at that confession. “You would have died for a clone, Keith.”
“If I hadn’t done it, you wouldn’t be here right now.” Keith opened his eyes again, this time flashing with agitation. “What they did to you is unforgivable. That’s why I’m with the Blades. We’re working to flush out the remainder of Honerva’s druids and their disgusting experiments. Which is classified, so take that to your fucking grave.”
“Gladly.” Shiro huffed, amused despite their quasi-argument. Finally, they were able to lay it all out between them. “I never knew it was for such a reason.”
That embarrassed Keith, who got to his feet and cleared his throat, heading to the roof’s edge for a better look. “Aside from keeping everyone safe, of course.”
Shiro followed him, but stopped just short of his approach. “Keith,” he said, feeling the gentle breeze rustling through their garments, watching the way he tensed at his name. Careful to speak tenderly, softly, honestly—there were so many things he wanted to tell him. Thank you, I owe you my life, you've always been my guiding light…
What he wanted to say above all was simple and sincere. “I love you.”
The words were stolen in a gust of wind, but Keith's Galran ears still caught it. Just like earlier, he didn’t turn around when his shaky voice replied, “Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s true. I’ve always loved you.” Shiro stepped closer. “I never told you because I’ve always hated myself. I blamed myself for all the hardship you had to encounter, for the fake me you would die to protect—I didn’t feel like I was worthy to stay by your side.”
Keith’s shoulders hitched, laden with emotion, but he still didn’t face him. “Sounds like you’re jealous of yourself.”
“Maybe I was. Not anymore.” Shiro placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder, urging him to turn around. “Please look at me, Keith.”
So he did, warily, eyes flicking all over Shiro’s face as if looking for clues that he was lying, that it was all a farce. “It’s true I fell in love with him… but that’s because he was just like you. He was you.”
“I know. But it really fucked with me.” Shiro would admit, sliding the hand on Keith’s shoulder—slowly, reassuringly—down his arm to hold onto him softly, trying to be a comforting presence.
“Because you can be dense.” Keith placed a hand over his, staring up at him with the beginnings of a beguiled smile. “Did it never occur to you that I was in love before that?”
Apparently it hadn't, judging by the surprise on Shiro's face.
Keith went on, pulling his hand down between them without letting go, holding onto him almost desperately now that he'd been given permission. "After I lost you the second time, I swore to myself I'd lock my feelings away for good. And I did for a while. I guess I was doomed from the start, because I fell for you a third time."
"Since when?"
"Since the beginning." Keith met his gaze, no longer searching for lies. It had grown calmer, less stormy between them. "You saved me first, you know?"
"I owe you my life so many times over, Keith." Shiro pulled their joined hands up, kissing his knuckles. "Even if it took us so long to get here… will you spend the rest of it with me?"
Keith tugged him forward, closing the gap between them with his lips against Shiro's, engaging him in a chaste kiss. He drew away with the first laugh Shiro had heard from him in ages; and it made his heart swell. "I thought you'd never ask."