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“Now, Mijo. Remember, before you cross the street, always look both ways. Left and right, izquierda y derecha.”
Rafael’s mother gripped his hand tightly as he swayed idly on the sidewalk, getting ready to cross the street.
“You’re getting to be a big boy, and you’re going to need to walk to escuela soon, Rafael. We need to make sure you are safe.”
“Why can’t you take me, Mamí?” Rafael said, looking up at his mother and squeezing her hand, veering close to her out of fear of the crosswalk as cars blared by, the loud noises startling him.
“Me and Papí have work in the morning, Rafael. Isn’t it kind of selfish to ask us to change our schedules just for you?” His mother looked down at him with stern eyes, making sure that he was paying attention.
“I wouldn’t want Papí to take me anyways…” Rafael muttered, careful not to let his mother overhear.
“Rafael, make sure you’re paying attention. This is important.” She tugged on his arm, earning a soft whimper from him as she bent down slightly to make sure he was paying attention.
“Only walk at the parts of the street with these white and black stripes, Mijo. Otherwise, it’s a crime. You don’t want to go to jail, do you?”
Rafael shook his head furiously. He knew that many people in his neighborhood had gone to jail, like his friend Miguel’s older brother. If people like him went to jail , he didn’t want to be there as well .
“Now, only cross the streets when these lights show the man on them, or if it has the hand counting down. That means no cars are allowed to go, and you are safe. If the red hand is on there, the cars could go and hit you.”
She was speaking sternly, her tone unwavering, even when she could see the tears welling up in Rafael’s eyes as he tried to grip her leg to brush off the tears, but she stood up as quickly as she had gotten down to talk to him.
“Rafael, I’m not going to hold your hand. The light is about to let us walk, and you need to show me that you can do it yourself.”
“Mamí, I’m scared. P-please, I don’t want to…” Rafael's voice was shaky, his lip quivering as he watched the light with terror, watching as it signaled that it was okay for him to walk.
“Rafael, there's the man. Go, cross the street. Show me you can be a big boy, okay?” She let go of his hand, pushing him forward slightly.
He stepped forward cautiously, nearly forgetting to look both ways, as he nervously crossed the street, nearly running into someone as he dashed, not wanting to get hit by a car. His mother followed close behind, making sure he wasn’t embarrassing himself in public .
“See, Rafael. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” His mother cooed, allowing her son to reclasp her hand.
“No…” He said, having had all of his previous energy sucked out of him by the terrifying situation.
Valentine's Day ~ Morning
It was a brisk morning, and the citizens of Manhattan were all bundled up in their winter coats, ready to brave the cold days of the dwindling winter. However, an untypical presence of excitement in some, and depression in others, was noticeable. After all, it was Valentine's Day.
Barba, as always, had walked over to Carisi, who had perfectly timed his coffee order at the stand so it would be the perfect temperature by the time that Barba walked up, because of course he did . He handed it to Barba giddily, who took a sip and grimaced, handing the coffee back to Carisi.
“Wrong cup?” Carisi asked, already handing Barba the other cup.
“How do you drink that stuff, detective? I mean, having a sweet tooth is one thing, but it’s practically diabetes-inducing.” Barba joked as he and Carisi walked their way to the courthouse, taking a sip of the coffee that had just been handed to him and nodding his approval.
“Y’know, my mom would always say ‘You gonna have some coffee with ‘allat sugar?’” Carisi remarked, shoving the hand that he just now noticed was freezing without the warmth of the extra coffee cup into his pocket.
“Smart woman. Maybe you should listen to her sometime. I bet she could give you some tips on fashion, while she’s at it.” Barba eyed Carisi up and down (purely for checking his fashion purposes, of course) and noticed that , oddly, his choice of suit wasn’t too hard on the eyes.
“What do I need her for? You give me all the ‘advice’ I need. Did’ya notice I put a splash of color on, like you said?” Carisi questioned, gesturing his head towards his tie, which was definitely why Barba had been looking at his chest, even before he had mentioned that, obviously.
“Hm? Oh yeah, that's- wait, is that the tie I gave you last year?” Barba eyed suspiciously. For some reason, Liv had forced him to join a secret Santa at the precinct ( ‘You may not be a part of the squad, but you are a part of our family, Barba. Now choose a name, or I'm not joining you for dinner with your mom.’ ) and for some reason that affirmed his faith in God just a little, because He was surely laughing at Barba, he had gotten Carisi.
And, I mean, he couldn’t waste the perfect opportunity to give Carisi an upgrade in fashion, and sure, the tie may have been a little above the spending limit, but who needed that new blazer anyway? Not him, that's for sure.
“Oh, yeah. I realized if I was going to have a designer tie, might as well wear it.” Carisi could feel him flushing at Barba’s recognition and quickly averted his gaze . Which was lucky for Barba, considering his flush might've been significantly more noticeable since his cheeks weren’t already pink from the cold. Carisi had recognized that the tie he got him was designer? Shit. That means he had to know that Barba had spent a bit- fine , a lot more than the spending limit. Why didn’t he say anything? I mean, maybe he didn’t want to embarrass-
“It looks nice on you, Carisi. Brings out your eyes.” Barba’s mouth moves before his mind has a chance to think about it, think about how it’s so obviously a terrible idea. He watched as Carisi stopped in his tracks, looking at Barba with a sense of bewilderment, causing Barba to stop in his tracks as well. He watched as Carisi took a deep breath, attempting to steady himself.
“Barba, are you doin’ anything tonight? Because, I mean- there's this Italian place I like, and it’s not super fancy, but I just thought maybe if you wanted some company…”
“Carisi, I would-” Barba was going to answer that of course he would love to, that he would want nothing more, but of course, John Buchanan, a man who, if he were some preteen a little too obsessed with geeky batman comics, he might refer to as his ‘arch-nemesis’. ‘Oh, Barba, you won’t be busy anyway on February 14th, right? I suppose we can discuss a plea deal for my client then?’ But, Barba wasn’t sure how long this guy would survive in prison, and the information he had could even threaten to expose several senators and a presidential candidate, so he just could not cancel.
“I-I’m sorry, I can’t. I mean, I have a meeting, and if I-” Barba tried desperately to explain that if he could cancel, he would, but he saw the dejected look in Carisi’s eyes as if all of his spirit had been sucked out of him, as he forced his eyes away from Barba’s, and turned to face the road.
“O-oh, sorry, Barba. My bad. Oh, look. Looks like we are right about here, aren’t we?” Carisi quickly looked both ways and briskly walked into the road, which was surprisingly clear , rushing across the street, trying his best to get as far away from Barba as he could after having been rejected by the man who he could’ve sworn was just flirting with him.
Crosswalk, look both ways, white man .
That’s what should have flashed through Barba’s mind as he stepped into the road to call after Carisi without looking, damning all instincts of safety which should have been screaming at him.
“Carisi! Wait, it’s not like that, I-”
Unfortunately, the luck of the miraculously clear road that had somehow struck Carisi earlier had not befallen Barba, as a car came barreling towards him, colliding with his body. Carisi had looked backward at Barba’s plea with a slight glimmer of hope at just the right time to see the car ramming into Barba’s torso, to watch as he rolled over the hood, and how the cars behind him stopped, and drivers got out in a panic.
He ran over to Barba in less than a second and was at his side, checking his pulse, and assessing his condition. It seemed like he was knocked out, God that can't be good. He felt the back of Barba’s head, where the red and sticky sensation of blood greeted his fingers, clumping in Barba’s hair.
“Fuck- Barba, oh God. What do I do?” Carisi rambled to himself under his breath, assessing the situation before him. He should probably check for wounds, right? Make sure that he isn't bleeding out from anywhere he can’t see?
“Carisi?” Barba said, waking up from his brief unconsciousness and flinching at his instinctive motion to get away from the unfamiliar touch at the back of his head, pain shooting through his skull as he fell back into the touch, keeping his head from hitting against the hard concrete.
Carisi breathed out a big sigh of relief, keeping his right hand cupped on the back of Barba’s hand, the other hand feeling around for other wounds where blood could be spilling out, calling out to an overlooking bystander to call 9-1-1, who was eager to help, tearing off her gloves and throwing them haphazardly on the ground.
“It’s okay, Barba. You’re- you’re going to be okay.” Carisi asserted, his hand withdrawing when a muffled wince came from Barba’s lips as his hands felt his ribs for any potential broken bones or sources of blood , trying to recall all of his first aid training.
“Yeah, I know,” Barba said, trying to move and being a bit annoyed that he found his body wasn’t listening to his commands as it should . “You’re being dramatic, Carisi.”
Carisi didn’t know what he had been expecting Barba to say, if anything, but it certainly wasn’t that.
“Dramatic? Do you see yourself, Barba?” Carisi tried to continue feeling around for wounds, ignoring Barba’s half-assed attempts to stand up, and the movements of his hands trying to swat away Carisi’s hand from his stomach.
“I guess. I mean, my vision is a little blurry, and my head hurts like a bitch.” Barba shrugged, wincing at the pain that shot through his shoulders, clearly not having learned his lesson from every other time that he had tried to move in the past minutes.
“We need to get you somewhere warm. This cold can’t be good for your wounds. But I definitely shouldn’t move you , I know that much.” Carisi mused aloud as he shoved off his winter coat, putting it under Barba’s head as a cushion, moving his right hand to join his left in checking for injuries on Barba.
“My hero,” Barba said dryly, attempting to lift his hand to his forehead for an exaggerated swoon but failing. “Maybe our first date could be in the ER?”
Carisi looked at him confused, but quickly remembered what they had been talking about shortly before Barba had been hit. He had asked him out on a date, Barba tried to tactfully let him know he wasn’t interested , and Carisi ran away out of humiliation. Or, at least, that was how he had perceived it.
“Our date ?” Carisi asked, almost immediately kicking himself for it. Christ, if there was ever a worse time to play ‘check yes if you want to go out with me’ , it was when a man was potentially bleeding out in front of you in the freezing December streets.
“That was what you were implying earlier, yes?” Barba looked at Carisi, waiting for his eye contact to continue. Jesus, even when he was bleeding out, of course, Barba had to remain in power. No, the vulnerability of barely being able to move his limbs wouldn’t make him even a little less of a control freak , why would it?
“Yeah, I guess,” Carisi muttered, distracted as he checked Barba’s palms for potential cuts and bruises, prodding at the back of his hand.
“I would’ve said yes,” Barba admitted, snapping his hand away from Carisi’s prodding fingers. “Stop that. I’m fine. Maybe a few broken ribs at most, stop worrying”
“At most? Barba, I dunno where you’re from, but here on earth , broken bones aren’t considered normal.” Carisi gently prodded Barba in one of the ribs to prove a point, earning a sharp hiss from Barba.
“It’s not even that bad, trust me. Plus, didn’t you hear the whole ‘I want to go out on a date with you’ part? I figured you would’ve been salivating by now.” Barba teased, trying to hide the slight vulnerability in his voice from the overwhelming pain all over his body.
“God, yes. Of course I heard it, Barba. But right now, I would rather you be alive than be worryin’ about whether my crush like-likes me or not.” Carisi was feeling around the bottoms of Barba’s legs, moving upwards towards his back, for potentially open gashes as he rolled his eyes at the very idea that his romantic predilections could somehow be taking precedence over Barba’s safety at the moment.
“Carisi, are you feeling me up?” Barba exclaimed with faux shock, a little too loud for Carisi’s comfort, as his hands withdrew briefly, before realizing that he hadn’t finished checking for gashes, and bringing his hands back near Barba’s ass with a grimace. “A bit forward, but I won’t say I’m opposed.”
“Y’know, I feel like this could be construed as some form of sexual harassment,” Carisi claimed, moving his hands further up to Barba’s lower back, refusing to meet Barba’s teasing gaze to hide the blush spreading across his face.
“Oh, sure. I’m sexually harassing you? You’re touching my ass , for one, you asked me out on a date, and you got me hit by a car .” Barba shook his head in mock disappointment, and wow, look at that, the pain still hadn’t magically gone away, and it still hurt like a bitch to move.
“Have you ever heard of lookin’ both ways before crossin’ the street? Maybe, you woulda seen the car racing towards you. You are not blaming your stupidity on me, Barba.” Carisi found an open gash on the small of Barba’s back and threw off his blazer to apply pressure to it. “God, can you shift your weight? You’re making savin’ your life more difficult than it needs to be.”
“You’re right, Carisi. I mean, God, my mother is going to be so disappointed, for one. Dad’s probably shaking his head at me from down below.” Barba chuckled, but it came off as a sort of hollow and forced laugh, meant to mask something deeper .
“Barba, I know that you think you gettin’ hit by a car is hilarious, but I need you to be serious with me right now. What’re you feelin’, besides just the obvious pain?” Having finished his check on Barba’s body in the least sexual harassment-y way possible, he was finally able to focus his attention on, well, Barba .
“Well, my vision is a little blurry. Just a little, though. I sort of feel nauseous? I think it’s just a concussion, don’t worry.” Barba stated plainly as if he were saying ‘Oh, I think it's just a little cloudy out today’, and not talking about a traumatic brain injury caused by getting hit by a car .
“ Just a concussion? Barba, I feel like you’re not understanding how serious some of these injuries are. I mean, trust me, I’ve broken bones before on the job , they aren’t as funny as you think.” Carisi allowed his right hand to return to where it had been earlier on the back of Barba’s hand, his free hand pressing on Barba’s back to keep the pressure on.
“Relax, this isn’t anything my dad couldn’t manage to do after a substantial night of drinking.” Barba paused for a moment to look at the concerned look on Carisi’s face, and had to remind himself that ‘ no, not every kid got brutally beaten up by his drunk father ’. “Sorry, I feel like dumping my daddy issues on you right now might not be the best aphrodisiac for a first date. What’s a better topic, hm. Oh, what are your hobbies?”
“Okay, if our first date were to be today, it does not start until you are safe and stable in a hospital bed, and it is not the kind where aphrodisiacs will be involved in your condition,” Carisi warned, stern yet a hint of excitement in his eyes at the idea of finally getting to go on a date with Barba, a very misplaced glint considering the bloodied man before him.
“What do you want for dinner? I’ve heard Mount Sinai has a good menu , should we ask the paramedics to drive me there?” Barba mused, motionlessly, having appeared to have finally learned his lesson about the correlation of movement and shooting pain. Well, more shooting pain than was already coursing through his body.
“We are askin’ them to drive you to whatever hospital is closest. Hospital food won’t be any good if you aren’t alive to enjoy it with me.” Carisi looked around the streets for an ambulance, and still , there were none. God, where were they?
“Hospital food isn’t any good anyways. But, I agree that you would have a substantially better time if I was there with you . I mean, my mother used to tell me I was 'a breath of fresh air’ on painkillers, but that might’ve been because I was too drugged up to annoy her.” Barba winced at the fact that ‘whoopsie, I accidentally brought up my childhood trauma again ’.
Carisi stayed silent for a second, clearly not knowing how to respond to Barba’s seemingly accidental trauma-dumping, besides looking at him with concerned eyes that he tried to use to communicate his caring.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Barba pushed out sheepishly, dragging his eyes away from Carisi’s caring gaze.
“Make me uncomfortable? You’re literally bleedin’ on the street right now, with a concussion and probably several broken ribs , I imagine you’re a bit more uncomfortable than I am right now.” Carisi actually laughed at the idea that the man in front of him, bleeding out on the street, is actually worried about whether or not he is uncomfortable.
“I suppose.” Was all that Barba said, and they sat in silence for a moment.
“Wait, Carisi, you know the Patterson case?” Barba exclaimed suddenly, remembering why he had turned down the date he had wanted for so long in the first place.
“Yeah, it’s the biggest case we’ve been workin’ on so far this year, course I know it. If you’re taking now to be the best time to discuss legal strategy, I gotta politely decline, Barba.” Carisi rolled his eyes at what he perceived to be Barba’s sudden interest in a case that as far as he was concerned , was pretty much done .
“No, no. I just- tell Liv we need an ADA to go in my stead. Y’know, when you’re not too busy ‘fearing for my life’. Will Bradley is at Rikers, and we don’t think he's going to last very long before powerful people with connections make sure he can’t tell us what he knows. We were supposed to meet tonight, because Buchanan thought it was just hilarious that his assumption that I wouldn’t be busy tonight was correct.”
“Huh. Wow, that’s the guy you chose to go out with instead of me?” Carisi joked, trying to keep himself occupied and Barba conscious while waiting for the paramedics to arrive. They had to be close by now, he was sure. “I mean, he’s a bit more muscular than I would’ve assumed was your type, plus a lot more of a sexual predator. But, you do you.”
“Well, I had a suspicion he was going to die soon. I was fairly confident you were going to live to see tomorrow. Learning how to prioritize is very important if you want to be a lawyer, Carisi.” Barba smirked at Carisi, the urge to tease Carisi still strong even on the cold hard concrete where his blood was pooling.
“I mean, that coulda been me who got hit by that car back there. Lucky timing, I guess.” Carisi grimaced. There was a small part of him that wished it had been him instead of Barba, because seeing the man trying to pretend like his wounds were nothing more than papercuts, like it was normal for that kind of injury to be perpetrated on himself, was both more annoying and more painful than anything the car could’ve done.
“I’m glad it wasn’t you, Carisi,” Barba said, choosing to glue his eyes on Carisi’s now bloodied tie, the bright blue of the tie contrasting with the deep red of his now drying blood. “Seriously. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Carisi could feel himself blushing bright red. Leave it to Rafael Barba to take himself getting fucking hit by a car as the opportunity to finally allow himself to be vulnerable . Well, more vulnerable than several broken ribs and a concussion had already made him.
“Oh, er- I mean, I would’ve rather it had been me than you, if I’m going to be completely honest,” Carisi admitted, looking to the ground for comfort. God, do the paramedics just want Barba to die? I mean, there are few in the city who he would label as fans of Barba, but this seems extreme. “I mean, at the very least, I wouldn’t treat getting hit by a car like it was just any other day. But also, I just don’t like seeing you hurt.”
“Wow, quite the romantic, Carisi. ‘I don’t like seeing you hurt ’ , truly the words of a poet.” Barba rolled his eyes, trying to hide the way that the simple words had made him feel like he was floating (at least, he hoped it was the words, and not God beckoning him back to him.)
“Shut up, like you could do any better. I’m sorta preoccupied with making sure the man in front of me doesn’t die before the paramedics get here.” Carisi retorted, feeling the blush on his face deepen. At the very least, he could tell that Barba was there cognitively enough to make fun of him, same as always.
“Jesus, stop mentioning death . I have been conscious, awake, and actively talking- flirting with you this entire time , I’m not dying any time soon.” Barba groaned and huffed out a sigh of annoyance.
“You think that’d be the case if I hadn’t stepped in?” Carisi questioned, half-jokingly.
“Yup. Would’ve slapped a bandage on it and walked into court, good as new.”
“The fact that I could actually see you doing that should be alarming.”
Just then, as Carisi was giving a jokingly warning look at Barba, they could finally hear the blaring of the ambulance sirens approaching them, and Carisi breathed a sigh of relief. Fucking finally .
“Sir, can you step back? We need to get this man into the ambulance , there’s significant bleeding.” Said the first paramedic. She was clearly panicked and hurrying, and was covered with dirt and ash, which made Carisi think that they had just come here from some sort of other accident, making him feel a little bad for some of the more hostile things he was projecting towards the paramedics earlier.
“Can I ride in the ambulance with him?” Carisi pushed out desperately, trying to be heard over the chaos of onlookers shouting at the paramedics, and the paramedics yelling into their radios.
“Sorry, sir. Only family or spouse are allowed. Does he have a wife or family you can contact?” Said the second paramedic, a taller, more burly man, as he and the other paramedic brought a gurney over and prepared to transfer him.
“He’s my husband.” Barba blurted out as they shifted him onto the gurney.
“O-oh, my apologies sir . Here, come in.” Said the second paramedic, blushing a bit at his assumption that the man had a wife.
Barba just tried to muffle a laugh at Carisi mouthing the words 'Aren't we moving a little fast?’ at him as he hopped into the ambulance.
“Sir, would you mind telling us about your husband's condition?” The first paramedic questioned as she examined the shedded clothing of Carisi’s that they had brought onto the ambulance covered in blood as she shut the ambulance doors.
“Excuse me? I’m right here and awake , I can answer these questions just-” Barba protested, shocked at the sudden loss of autonomy.
“ Babe , just let me talk to the paramedic, okay?” Carisi pleaded, hoping to shock Barba into silence with the sudden use of the pet name.
“You’re right, querido .” Barba shot back, the slight hint of annoyance accompanying the pet name seemingly noticeable only to Carisi.
“So, he got hit by a car going like… 25 miles per hour, maybe? The car sped off , I didn’t get a plate number. Wait- you don’t care about that, sorry. Barb- Rafael showed signs of a concussion, but I think that thingy you did with the light in his eyes earlier probably told you if he had one or not, plus he’s had concussions before, and said he thinks he probably has one. I think he has some broken ribs? He also has a nasty gash on his back, I tried to apply pressure with my blazer, but I don’t know how well I did.”
“You did great, sir. Your husband will be okay, I promise. Just calm down.” The second paramedic put a reassuring touch on Carisi’s shoulder as the first one worked on further checking Barba out.
Carisi reached his hand out to grab Barba’s, and was surprised when he eagerly took it, grabbing on hard, clinging as if Carisi were going to disappear, as they felt the ambulance bump as they sped to the hospital.
—
They had made it to the hospital safe and okay in a reasonable amount of time (Mount Sinai, much to Barba’s exaggerated glee). Barba had been brought into the ER, where his back was stitched up, and his head received a few staples. He had gotten a chest X-ray, which had revealed that the damage to his ribs was, thankfully, less than they had previously predicted. However, much to Barba’s annoyance, the injuries that he had sustained had required him to be stuck in the hospital at least overnight, possibly longer. He had also been told he couldn’t watch television for the next 24 hours, and strongly advised to avoid reading.
Sometime while Barba had been down getting x-rays, Carisi had found the time to finally communicate with the squad about everything that had happened , and why he hadn’t made it in for work that day. He had communicated with Liv that Barba needed somebody to replace him ( ‘Obviously he does, he’s lying in a hospital. Don’t tell me he’s trying to go anyways.’) and had conveniently slipped in a private phone call with Rollins in which he was able to communicate the more romantic side of everything that had happened that day, much to her glee.
Now, he was sitting in the uncomfortable reclining chair next to Rafael’s bed, shifting every few seconds in a futile effort to make the cheap cushioning somehow comfortable, reading some article that was nearly boring him to sleep, but watching as it seemed to enrapture Barba, who had appointed him his official auditor, since Carisi had taken ‘strongly advised’ to mean ‘not allowed’ when it came to reading.
“Are you sure this isn’t gonna put you to sleep, Barba? I’m pretty sure if I end up killin’ you with this article, Liv would come kill me .” Carisi questioned jokingly.
“No, it’s fascinating. I mean, consider the legal presidents that this could set. If a therapist is able to prove that he gains as much confidentiality as a client in session, who’s to say that the same couldn’t apply to other ‘confidential’ meetings, such as lawyer-client, or doctor-patient?” Barba responded, and Carisi admired him as he got lost in the possibilities of legal changes that the case could set , the way that his passion was expressed through his eyes.
“Personally, I think it's bullshit. I mean, first of all, no way Catamira lets this pass in her court. All I could see it doin’ is allowing these already powerful men further take advantage of their positions of power, and I’ve got no doubt she sees that too.” Carisi responded, taking Barba’s theorizing seriously and joining him in his curiosity.
“True, I can’t see her doing that. She’s pretty outspoken about her victim advocacy, and she's a smart woman. But still, I think at the very least considering the potential ramifications is interesting.” Barba admitted.
“I guess. Mostly just gives me a headache.” Carisi paused and shook his head shamefully, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. “Sorry, poor choice of words.”
“God, I can’t imagine what the headlines are going to be like tomorrow. ‘Manhattan ADA struck in hit and run! Illicit homosexual love affair involved?’” Barba suddenly mused aloud.
“I mean, you did sorta loudly exclaim that I was sexually harassing you. I’m pretty sure I saw cameras.” Carisi poked fun at Barba, laughing with him.
“Plus, I’m sure people heard you ask me out. A lot of sensible people were walking past us and towards the crosswalk.” Barba figured, resting his hand on his chin in exaggerated thought.
“Don’t forget the several underpaid workers at this hospital who have been told that we were married. I don’t really have a lot of confidence that they’re all going to keep their lips zipped about this.”
“Goodie. Well, now we have to start dating. We can’t disappoint the headlines.” Barba sighed, trying his best to feign disappointment at the idea of having to date Carisi, which was a harder task than it should’ve been.
“Is that the only reason? Gotta admit, I’m a little hurt.” Carisi placed a hand on his chest in faux offense, before allowing his false dismay to morph back into his shy smile.
“You’re a little hurt? I got hit by a car because I wanted to go out on a date with you.” Barba shot back, trying his best to allow his sarcasm to drip through, not wanting to make Carisi feel as if this were somehow his fault.
“Fair.” Carisi resigned, his shoulders sinking briefly before he resumed his previous position.
They sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying the others' company, staring at each other with warm expressions and not needing to say anything to let the other know how they felt. That was until a sweet nurse bursted into the room with a menu, poppy as could be.
“Mr. Barba? I have a menu here for you, and one for your husband. Oh! Also, the doctor would like me to let you know that Mr. Carisi-Barba is allowed to spend the night here, if he wishes, given the nature of your injuries. I can get him a cot.” She handed two menus to Barba and Carisi, talking as she pressed a few numbers into the IV machine dripping fluids into Barba’s arm, and went to leave the room as quickly as she entered.
“Thank you, ma’am. We gotta consider the options , you’ve been a good help.” Carisi called out as she was leaving the room, and promptly snatched the menu from Barba as soon as she was out of sight, placing it beside his chair and out of Barba’s reach.
“What was that for, Carisi? You don’t want me to have dinner on our first date?” Barba accused, crossing his arms and shutting his eyes like a toddler on the verge of a tantrum.
“No, I don’t want you readin’ the menu. I actually have some concern for your health, so that makes one of us.” Carisi rolled his eyes and began skimming over the menu.
“They said no TV for 24 hours, and that it would be best to avoid reading. They didn’t say I couldn’t.” Barba retorted, assuming the air of confidence that he portrayed when he was in the courtroom, giving off the impression that he was trying to argue the case that he should be allowed to read the menu to his fullest ability.
“Still. Better safe than sorry. Here, I can read it out loud for you.” Carisi’s eyes flicked towards Barba, who gave a resigned head nod.
“Fine. I like listening to you talk, anyways.” Barba admitted, shrugging his shoulders and relaxing back into his bed.
Sonny could feel his blush creeping onto his face again, a feature that had been a little too present on a day when the man he was interested in had been hit by a car.
“Okay. For dinners, they have pizza, a BLT, salad, spaghetti-” Carisi read off blandly. At least it was more interesting than reading about a case that he was positive was going to be dismissed tomorrow.
“Spaghetti?” Barba perked up, propping himself up on his arms.
“Mhm.” Carisi nodded, looking back at Barba.
“Well, you wanted to take me out for Italian tonight. Might as well give you the ‘date of your dreams ’ , right?” Barba’s eyes lit up at the idea of getting to make this day up to Carisi however he could.
“We could ‘Lady and the Tramp’ it up,” Carisi suggested, wiggling his eyebrows at Barba and chuckling.
“On the first date, Carisi? How brazen.” Barba accused, before letting out a soft laugh of his own.
“Shut up, I feel like ‘holding the other bleeding in your arms’ is a bit more intimate than a first kiss, this isn’t an insane step,” Carisi claimed, laughing at the absurdity of having to rank the intimacy of bleeding out in one's arms. Of all the things he had hoped to be doing with Barba on valentines day, it hadn’t been that.
“I guess,” Barba muttered, the sudden shift in his mood apparent to Carisi as his eyes drifted from Carisi’s warm gaze towards the floor, a sort of queasy expression appearing on his face.
They sat in a lingering silence, Carisi studying Barba’s face, who looked like he wanted to say something, but he just couldn’t force himself to do it. Like if he pretended that Carisi wasn’t there, if none of the events from that day had happened, he could will them out of existence.
“I’m sorry for today. For everything. For getting hit by a car, even though I know it’s not entirely my fault. And for not taking my injuries seriously. And for dumping all my father issues on you. You didn’t ask for any of that.” The words slipped out of Barba’s throat before he could catch them, and a look of utter humiliation appeared on his face as he shut his eyes tight.
“It’s not your fault, Rafael. And allat other stuff? It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re okay.” Carisi kept his eyes planted firmly on Barba, even when he wasn’t looking up at him, his concern and caring dripping from every letter.
“I don’t want to scare you off, however juvenile that might sound.” Barba forced himself to look back at Carisi, whose brow was furrowed with concern, and he was staring patiently at Barba.
“If you haven’t scared me off by now, you’re not gonna,” Carisi affirmed, cracking a slight smile as his comment got Barba to go back to looking into his eyes.
“I suppose. I mean, you’ve seen me going through caffeine withdrawal. If that doesn’t do the trick, I don’t know what will.” Barba joked, trying to deflect some of the more serious paths the conversation was taking.
“I’m bein’ serious, Barba. I’m gonna stick by your side as long as you let me , as cheesy as that might sound .” Carisi declared, feeling his cheeks get a little rosy.
“I mean, it’s Valentine's Day. If I’m going to let you be cheesy any day, may as well be today.” Barba shrugged, letting out a soft chuckle and letting himself fall back into more relaxed eye contact with Carisi, his shoulders sinking.
“Trust me, I’m tonin’ it down right now. Don’t want to scare you off with how cheesy I am.” Carisi insisted, his joke a little more truthful than he might like to admit.
“Do you want to stay the night?” Barba suddenly blurted out.
“What a non-sequitur, Barba. You ever thought of becoming a lawyer?” Carisi teased, enjoying the way that Barba let out a slight laugh at his joke.
“I mean- just, if you wanted to ask for a cot and stay the night, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed. I mean, what kind of husband would you be, just leaving me alone to writhe in agony?” Barba did his best to defend himself, feeling the blush creeping up on his cheeks.
“Yeah, ‘course I can stay. I mean, I hoped our first night together would be a bit more romantic, but you take what you get.” Carisi affirmed, nodding his head slightly.
“Romantic? I always just assumed we would end up banging in my office one of the late nights we work. But, sure, romance works for me.” Barba admitted, shrugging his shoulders.
“Trust me, I’m gonna be so romantic it’ll blow your frickin’ mind .” Carisi asserted, and Barba could see the passion and earnestness in his eyes when he said it.
“I look forward to it,” Barba responded, smiling at him.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, just looking at each other with concerned and caring eyes, reeling in all of the craziness of the day.
“You know, I think overall, this has been a pretty good Valentine's Day,” Barba said, breaking the silence and earning a bewildered look from Carisi.
“You’re kiddin’ me. Rafael, you got hit by a car .” Carisi pushed, rolling his eyes at Barba.
“Okay, Sonny , let’s look at the pros and cons of today. Pro - I found out my super cute coworker who I’ve liked since pretty much the first day I met asked me out, and is now my fake husband. Con - I sort of got hit by a car, which wasn’t even going that fast, and now it kind of hurts.” Barba did his best to lay out his very logical argument that compared to finding out that Carisi liked him back was infinitely more powerful than getting hit by a car.
“First day, really?” Was all Carisi said, looking a little shocked.
“What, too soon?” Barba questioned, blushing slightly.
“No, it's just- same . I mean, that first time we met, I remember Rollins tellin’ me to ‘Stop ogling that guy's ass, he's a jerk’ . One of the first things she said to me, as a matter of fact.” Carisi revealed, chuckling at the memory.
“Funny, I remember Liv saying ‘Stop looking at him like you want him , I doubt he’s going to last more than a week ’ . ” Barba supplied in response.
“Hm.” Was all that Carisi hummed in response, trying to remain nonchalant, although he was barely able to contain the giddy grin spreading across his face upon hearing the new information.
“Hm.” Barba mimicked, an equally stupid but more contained grin spreading across his face in response.
And as they resumed their previous activities of Carisi reading out loud some article for Rafael, sneaking glances at his contended looks as he theorized about the legal presidents and cases he could build, they fell into a routine of banter, the slight references to a romantic relationship between them slipping in as comfortable and natural as anything else. It was as if the sudden addition of labeled romance into their preexisting relationship just stood to support whatever it was that they had already had.
And all the awfulness of that day left them, replaced with only the look of love in the other man's eyes.