Chapter Text
The knife cutting into her meat suit was cold and yet it created burning pain - a sensation Ruby could never fully get used to, no matter how many times she had to relive that memory. However, that wasn’t what bothered her the most about the experience. The physical pain of Dean stabbing her was temporary, but the betrayal she was feeling at the fact that it was Sam who made that happen was unending… or at least that's what she used to think.
The first dozens of times she was forced to relieve her last moments and the ones right before Lucifer’s resurrection, she was pissed. After everything she had done to save their asses, what right did the Winchester brothers have to kill her? What right did they have to rob her of the opportunity of seeing the master of demons back into the world? She and Lilith had worked so hard for it and they didn’t both have to die for it, but that was exactly what happened. It was so unfair and so cruel that she vowed to never forgive them.
Eventually, she felt that conviction shaking under the weight of the nicer memories and some undeniable truths. She always expected Dean to stab her sooner or later. He had made it clear many times, and all she was hoping for was for that stab to not be in a vital spot, but her luck simply ran out. On the other hand, Sam had become someone she would feel safe around when it was just the two of them, no hunters or angels or other demons around. She knew that when he would raise his hand to kill a demon with his powers, it would always be someone else than her. Yeah, it was because he needed her, but what was wrong with that? She needed him to fulfill Lilith’s dream, so there was something beautiful in their two-way relationship. Besides, how many beings had ever defended her life as many times as Sam? Not even Lilith did, though she had helped Ruby in other ways while the two were in hell.
So then it wasn’t a surprise that Ruby used to think she and Sam had a genuine connection. No, she was still sure of it, it was just that those pesky hunter ideals had gotten in the way of greatness for them both. Just because he found out that she used his powers to revive Lucifer, he had to throw it all away. Ruby had indeed lied to him a lot, but not about the fact that she wanted him to enjoy Lucifer’s reign by her side - or rather, the other way around since she knew she wasn’t fit for leading. As young as he was, she thought she’d understand that and get over the heartache of having his ego bruised by a little bit of manipulation. She thought he even loved her, at least enough to match the attachment a cursed being like her also had to him. It took her a long time to imagine someone other than Lilith caring for her - and Lilith herself did so conditionally, just like any self-respecting demon would - but once she did, it felt… nice. She fooled herself into thinking she understood the conditions of Sam’s love too. She would be by his side when Dean wouldn’t be there, fill that void in any way she could, tolerate his childish tantrums and help him fulfill his wish of becoming stronger. So what if he was using her blood and speaking harshly to her when he got mad? At the end of the day, he was coming to her, no matter what Dean said. To see him turn against her after everything they’ve been through kind of hurt almost as much as the grumpy brother’s knife. If she had more than one moment of life left when Sam held her at the end, she would have asked him why wasn’t everything they had enough for him. Had her fate simply been to die miserably and she simply delayed it by a few painful centuries?
And then she felt annoyed at herself for being hurt by something like that. Being unappreciated and unloved was nothing new for her, it was partially the reason she ended up as a demon in the first place. Two hunters ended up killing her. So what? It would have been weirder if they didn’t. The anger felt better than the sadness and despair, but it was becoming more and more tiresome to maintain it. Either way, she hated being forced to relive that memory even more than she hated the other ones her mind kept going through. Only being able to grit her teeth during the never-ending nightmare was more than comparable to hell.
She stopped feeling the knife in her chest and fell to the ground once more. As her vision went dark, she simply waited for the next or the same memory to play again. Instead of that, there was only nothingness that almost made her shout an impatient “Hello?”. But was nothingness actually worse than the nightmares of her life cut too short? It was hard to say since both options were terrible and at least when she was having those vivid dreams she could feel… something. Whether it was a fleeting moment of bittersweet happiness that was taken away or a worse feeling, it at least made her feel as if time was passing in this eternal afterlife, not that it meant much in the end.
The darkness was suddenly pierced by blinding light. It was overwhelmingly warm and blinding, but somehow a little bit familiar as well. Ruby groaned and, surprisingly, she could actually hear herself while doing it. It didn’t take long for her to realize she could also feel and control her body properly, instead of her body following the same script. She got up immediately, but this still seemed like a nightmare since she was trapped in a sea of quiet darkness, except for the light in the shape of a human in front of her that made her half cover her eyes with her hand.
“Oh, sorry,” she heard a surprisingly casual voice saying. The light went away, leaving behind only a young man with an awkward smile on his face. “Is this better?”
“What?” Ruby asked, both confused and kind of excited to have someone to talk to in a way that wasn’t just a predictable, recorded memory. “What is happening?”
“That’s an excellent question, I was just going to tell you! You’re the demon named Ruby, aren’t you?” She nodded, and he smirked in a way that lacked any cynicism. “I knew that already, I just wasn’t sure if you’re comfortable being referred to by that name.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Some people might prefer their birth name, not one they took after losing their humanity.”
She scoffed. That sounded too much like judgement of her choice. “What do you want from me, little guy? Take revenge on me for something? Make me suffer more than I already am?”
“Not at all. I’m here to offer you a way out of the Empty.”
“What the hell is the empty?” she repeated.
“That’s the name of the place you’re in right now. But in simpler words, I can revive you, Ruby.”
She understood that much since she was definitely dead. But who was this confident guy offering her such an unbelievably nice deal? “Seriously, what do you want from me?” No one would help someone like her for free.
“Nothing in particular. I’m doing it to fulfill a promise in Castiel’s name.”
“Castiel? Castiel…” She struggled to remember who that was, until she finally realized she had been woken up from the nightmares before, one time. In a haze, she recalled a conversation with one of the angels supervising the Winchesters during her last year being alive. He had asked her about the Occultum and, in a moment of weakness, she begged him to help her. No other details were clear in my mind. “Oh! I didn’t know angels keep their word.”
“Some of them do, including Castiel. But I also thought it would be fair to repay you somehow, since the Occultum was of use to me.” There was so much information to process already, and this boy didn’t seem to realize that, because he kept talking. “Also, I think the best way to do that would be to make you an angel.”
“What?” she repeated coldly.
“Yes, reviving you as a demon would… feel wrong.”
Ruby didn’t agree with that and she found the idea of turning into one of those feathery assholes a bit gross, not to mention that the home of angels was Heaven, the place where most human place resided as well. She could only imagine the weird situation created if she were to meet any of the people she killed or the hunters she faced in such a manner. At the same time, it was hard to deny the potential of the extra powers she would get. But the most important aspect was the fact that it was impossible that such an upgrade came with no strings attached.
“What’s the catch?” she insisted.
“I don’t understand.”
“Sure you don’t… Tell me, who am I supposed to serve as an angel? You?”
She chuckled, but he simply looked at her awkwardly. Had she taken offense to that? Thinking of it, it made sense if her guess was correct. He could be one of those archangels you don’t hear much about, which would explain how he was able to revive her anyway.
Before she could get any answer, someone else joined them in that endless emptiness - a woman with white eyes and the appearance of Ruby’s own second vessel. For a moment, she smiled at this miracle, but then realized that something was missing from the picture. This face of Lilith was missing any of her usual expressions or overwhelming aura of power.
“What are you doing once again in my domain, little god?” fake Lilith asked, the voice sounding angry but the face only showing a tiredness.
“The same thing as before,” Jack answered calmly. “I’ll be done in a little bit and leave you to rest.”
“You see, I don’t find that satisfactory at all! What will it take for you to stop coming here in the first place?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t avoid it if I have business here.”
Ruby didn’t care about their banter at all. She was simply clenching her teeth to stop herself from asking this stranger why they took Lilith’s appearance, and maybe make them pay for it.
“Is that so?” the stranger repeated. “Your audacity has no bounds.”
Before she could help it, Ruby scoffed and the other eyes turned on her. She sighed. To hell with it, why was she restraining herself anyway against someone who seemed like a weakling.
“The real audacity here is you choosing to take this form,” she said.
“You’re awfully blunt for someone who doesn’t understand a thing. I took the form I usually saw in your dreams, I don’t care who they are. Would you have preferred if I took the form of that sad looking boy?”
“No,” Ruby answered quickly. At least with Lilith, she could recognize the fakery right away and would have simply been happy if she didn’t. With Sam, there was no telling how would it make her feel, what would she do at the sight of him after what happened.
“Good,” the double responded with a smile that faded quickly. Their demeanor suddenly changed into more threatening and exponentially angrier after every single word. “Then how about next time you keep your mouth closed, you worthless shade that should be asleep right now?”
The surrounding air became suffocating and Ruby struggled to keep standing as her legs started shaking. There was something different about this Lilith now, something that told her they could crush Ruby if they wanted to without any effort. She realized how wrong she had been. This being didn’t lack power at all. In fact, it was so powerful that common demons like her had no chance of feeling it when it wasn’t shown in small doses.
“That’s enough, Shadow,” Jack said. “We had an agreement. We still do.”
As sudden as the pressure disappeared, it went away as well. Ruby felt grateful for it, but still quite unnerved. Just what kind of creatures was she stuck in between? And would becoming an angel even slightly start filling the gap in power?
“Then finish up already,” the fake Lilith said with a growl and turned their back to them.
Ruby looked back at Jack. “I… I need more answers first,” she pledged. “About who you are and everything else.”
“Sure. I already told you my name is Jack and… some people call me God, though I’d prefer if you weren’t that formal.”
She snorted. This boy sure was pretty powerful, but also more arrogant than he was trying to let it out. Those puppy eyes almost fooled her. Then again, that also applied to Sam.
“Aren’t you forgetting an important detail, little God?” Lilith’s copycat said, with a chuckle that could even be heard from afar. “Or… My bad, should I call you son of Lucifer instead?”
Ruby expected a casual dismissal of such a bad joke, but that didn’t happen.
“That is not a good way to present myself,” the boy replied somberly.
The fake Lilith chuckled. “Are you sure? Don’t forget who your little friend here is.”
“Can we have some privacy?” Jack asked, his life starting to glow yellow, which gave him a way more menacing look. It wasn’t the same as Lucifer’s famous red eyes, but she could certainly see a family resemblance now.
“Can’t a girl just have some fun? But fine,” the stranger accepted. Their fake look completely faded as it remained as just a dark silhouette, incredibly hard to see in this void realm. It then melted into the ground, letting Ruby alone with… the son of Lucifer.
She hurried to kneel in front of the boy and lower her head.
“What are you doing?” Jack asked.
She couldn’t find a proper answer, still overtaken by the joy of this discovery. Whatever had happened after her death, this boy was proof that Lilith’s plan worked. Lucifer had been freed, he had a son, and now that son was incredibly powerful. No wonder he had said some people called him God. He was precisely the god so many demons had worked to throne.
“Ruby, please, get up already!” She did as instructed, but she still kept her head down. “Can you just treat me the same as a few seconds ago?”
“I don’t think so,” she answered honestly.
“Why not?”
She had to look at him to believe his innocent, heartbroken tone. “You are… who you are. We all are,” she conceded to explain.
He remained silent for a little while, then let out a little sigh. “We should hurry up. Have you thought about what I proposed earlier? About you becoming an angel?”
She hadn’t really, but with the new information she got, she didn’t need to. Lilith was gone, she wasn’t sure about Lucifer’s whereabouts, but the fallen archangel’s son was in front of her. She didn’t care that much what she was as long as it fulfilled a purpose, and an angel was a perfect follower for the new God.
“I want to be revived as an angel, yes,” she said. “What will I need to do?”
“Just to follow the rules of Heaven, like everyone else there. You know, I’m glad that’s your answer, Ruby. I still need more angels to make sure Heaven is stable in the long run.”
She nodded to show that she was glad she got the opportunity. Being an angel beat remaining stuck in that tormenting darkness. Anything did.
“Do not be alarmed,” Jack continued. “This might make you feel different.”
For some reason, the anticipation made her think of an old memory, of the time she managed to cast her first spell. Once that deed had been done, she had felt a sense of accomplishment and power that was new for her. She knew right away that there would be no going back to a normal human life and she was okay with that.
As soon as Jack placed his hand on her shoulder, something inside her started changing. A light appeared from her chest, engulfing everything around. Something heavy was hanging on her back, something she could move and feel as a part of her own, like the new limbs she would be unfamiliar with in a new meat suit taken to a new level. The power she had used for centuries morphed into something that felt like a metal weapon she didn’t know how to handle yet, but that made her feel more protected either way.
Then something else kicked in, a choir of unsynchronized voices that deafened her and made it impossible to think. She covered her ears with her hands, but that did nothing. On top of it, Jack’s light suddenly became too bright and closing her eyes didn’t help much either, as if that aura of power was burnt onto her eyelids. Only a few seconds must have passed, but it was already unbearable and she only wanted it to stop at that point. And that’s exactly what happened.
She opened her eyes, unsure what she should be more surprised about - the fact that she could actually stop all that noise, or that she wasn’t in that dark place anymore. She was instead standing in what seemed like any rural place on Earth, except there was no sun in the sky and the light was a bit more sterile than she remembered that it should be.
“Welcome to Heaven, Ruby,” Lucifer’s son said, looking very proud of himself.
So this was the home of angels and she was now reborn as an angel... It had to be better than Hell and the black void of nightmares, so she smiled as well.