Chapter Text
Jackie wasn’t sure if she still wanted to go to Rutgers. The application stared dauntingly at her from her desk, surrounded by pictures of her and Shauna and her and Jeff. It had been all she was interested in talking about over the summer; the perfectly decorated room with her favorite pink cushions spilling out from every corner and Shauna’s band posters relegated to a corner of her wall, the most likely inevitable break-up with Jeff so she’d have more time for cuter college guys, pushing Shauna further out of her comfort zone so she’d finally talk to a guy that wasn’t Randy (because let’s face it, Shauna deserved way better than Randy Walsh). And the academics, too. Definitely the academics.
But when it came down to putting pen to paper, Jackie felt… unsure. Over the summer, Shauna had started to drift apart from her, building a taste in music and clothing and literature that Jackie had never shared. She no longer agreed with Jackie on everything, like they did as kids when Shauna would always get vanilla ice cream so she could eat half and then trade with Jackie once she got tired of her strawberry cone. Last summer, Shauna would order rocky road.
Clearly, Shauna didn’t need to spend every waking moment with her anymore. And that was fine! She was still her best friend. She would still let Jackie dress her for parties, choose her shade of lipstick, and stay on the phone with her so late that Jackie would fall asleep with the phone cord twisted around her neck. Shauna was just… her own person? Even if Jackie hated to admit it. Part of her felt like if Shauna ever stopped being friends with her, she would just cease to exist, because otherwise it would feel like a vital limb had been chopped off of her body.
But Shauna wanted to be roommates with her at Rutgers too. She had told her as much last July when they had been lying on Shauna’s bed in the summer heat, the fan angled at their faces doing little to alleviate their sweating, their bare legs dangling off the edge. It was the evening of Jackie’s seventeenth birthday, after her parents had thrown a huge party for her in their house, inviting her family, the whole soccer team, and a few other friends, including Jeff. (Only Shauna, Taissa, Lottie, Laura Lee, and Jeff had come besides her family, but she wasn’t expecting a better turnout than that, really. Even though she was team captain last year, the other girls didn’t like her that much.)
Her parents got her a novelty phone shaped like a rabbit, Lottie brought her a yellow floral sundress, and Laura Lee had given her a blue velvet hair ribbon with her jersey number embroidered in gold. Tai had told her to wait a couple of weeks for her gift, and eventually produced a hand-crocheted vest in blue and gold stripes, also with her number stitched over the breast. Jeff had given her a charm bracelet with a little gold heart, her number, and… another rabbit. He had no doubt asked her parents what she liked, even though she had stopped liking rabbits when she was around eight years old. Nevertheless, she was grateful that her boyfriend of three months cared enough to get her something. Shauna told Jackie she would give her gift to her after everybody else had left.
“Okay so don’t freak out too much about it,” Shauna had said after they had run upstairs to Jackie’s room, rummaging in her backpack. “I wanted to get you something nice, since, you know, you’re seventeen now. It’s a big deal.”
With her hands fumbling a bit, she produced a small jewelry box from her backpack and handed it to Jackie, who was intently perched on the edge of her bed, waiting to see what Shauna would hand her. Jackie opened the box to reveal a thin gold necklace with a tilted heart charm on the end. She delicately pulled it out of the box, letting the metal catch the light of her lamp.
“Shauna, it’s so pretty,” she said appreciatively, glancing back at her with a smile building on her face. Shauna almost looked like her face was turning red, but she couldn’t really tell in the dim room.
“I was worried it was too similar to what Jeff got you,” Shauna whispered, her eyes following the necklace as it moved. “But I wanted you to have something cute for our senior year so… yeah. I thought you’d like it.”
Jackie loved it. “Shauna, of course I like it. I’m going to wear it every day. I have like, basically no cute jewelry. My mom always gets me the clunkiest earrings.” Jackie, in fact, had an overflowing jewelry rack that lived on her vanity, from which she frequently had Shauna pick what she would wear that day. But this was special. Shauna had never gotten her jewelry before.
Suddenly, Jackie pounced on Shauna, hugging her tightly with her arms wrapped around her neck. “Thank you Shaunaaaa,” she purred next to her ear. “Help me put it on.”
She pulled back and Shauna looked disoriented, staring at her with her mouth slightly open, her tongue visible behind her lips. “Sure,” she breathed, taking the necklace from Jackie and threading the chain around her neck, fiddling with the lobster claw clasp for a second before settling it into place at the nape of her neck, the heart charm dangling. Both girls paused for a second, Shauna’s warm hands still on her shoulders, Jackie still smiling at Shauna. But then the moment was gone.
Shauna blinked and sat back up straighter. “Um. So I wanted to talk about college too,” she said.
“Oh yeah? What schools were you thinking about, Shipman?” Jackie said, leaning back on her elbows.
“Well, I was thinking of sending an early application to Brown, too. I mean- I know you really want to go to Rutgers, and I want to go there too, but I figured hey, maybe I could aim a little higher? I don’t know.” Shauna seemed nervous, her words running into each other in a way they usually didn’t.
“What do you mean, higher?” Jackie said, confused.
“Well just- I don’t know if I always want to be in New Jersey. Like, you ever think about those famous poets and writers that all go to school upstate? I think I’d want to do something like that. They always seem so-”
“Tragic, I know,” Jackie said, cutting her off. “Shauna, you realize you can study English or whatever at Rutgers too? I mean, shit, they probably have a whole department for it. I know you’re good at writing. And the world’s gonna know it too.” She smiled at her then, and Shauna thought it was already true. Jackie was her world.
“I guess it would be fine,” Shauna said. She relaxed her shoulders. “But you know, I think you could do bigger things too. Do you want to always live in Wiskayok? Have lots of babies with Jeff and go to high school reunions together, reminiscing about the good old days with the Yellowjackets? Have weekly dinners with Randy? I hear he’s getting a Yellowjacket tattoo when we graduate.”
Jackie giggled at that, shoving Shauna back onto the bed. Shauna grinned up at her.
“I get it, Shipman. You want me to be, like, an intellectual with you, and we can brood together and go to college poetry nights and be like those Beat Generation guys from the 50s or whatever. Oh, and we could totally get long-haired brooding boyfriends to match. My mom would so hate that.”
“Hey, we don’t have to do the same things. Just… broaden your perspectives a little, Jack.”
“I will, Shauna,” Jackie smiled, laying down on the bed next to her. She grabbed Shauna’s hand, fidgeting with it like she would do since they were kids. “But you are gonna broaden yours at hoco this year.”
“Oh, god,” Shauna groaned, burying her face in one of Jackie’s pillows.
—
This had to be Ben’s last year as a teacher at Wiskayok. It was stupid for him to even end up in a town as small as this one, especially as a gay man. But he really couldn’t help it. While he wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about the teaching part of his job, he loved his girls. They were the most passionate team he’d ever coached, and he was convinced they’d be able to make it to nationals this year. Every practice allowed him to relive his younger days running on the field, always chasing the next victory. He would just push the time he was caught making out with one of his teammates out of his head in favor of the good times. Ben wouldn’t let any of his girls go through the same thing he did.
Occasionally he wondered if some of them were gay, too. The way he’d see Van staring at Taissa or Melissa at Shauna looked like more than just friendship, something he recognized from his years on his own team. There was no way he could talk to them about it though. If he came out to one of his students, the rumors would spread immediately and then everyone would know he was gay. He’d get fired at the very least and would most likely never get to work at a school again. But sometimes he wished he could just show up to one of the teacher’s nights with Paul at his side, chatting about the latest meaningless small town shit. Did you know that Megan is having an affair with Gregory, that young teacher’s assistant? I heard that Wallace is working nights at the bar these days. Can you believe that? The best way out was to get a job in the city, where he might have a chance at being treated like a person if he had a boyfriend.
For now, he was just the hot, young teacher that inexplicably had no girlfriend. There would be days where he would be flipping through chapters of the old, dick-covered health textbooks and teaching them without even paying attention to the words leaving his mouth and the girls in the class would still stare at him all fawny-eyed, doodling themselves as Mrs. Scott in their notebooks and treating him like a piece of meat.
However, none of those girls were as bad as Misty Quigley. That girl made him want to scream.
—
Travis hated soccer. He hated the uniform, the shouting, the other boys on the field, the cold early mornings, the cold late nights, and getting scraped to shit constantly, bruises and cuts coated in freezing mud. Most of all, he hated his dad.
Coach Martinez was not known for being the most gentle of men. He would never lay a finger on his sons, but he made sure to constantly push them, asking for more each time. Javi seemed to deal way better with the pressure. He liked soccer, was one of the best players on the middle school team, and everyone seemed to love him for it. The Martinez family would go out for burgers every time Javi won a game, and he always wanted to practice more, laughing and smiling every time he successfully performed a feint with his dad. Travis hated him for it, too.
Every time he’d try to listen to his dad, push himself to do better on the field, it would get ruined. The guys on the team had taken to calling him Flex now after Bobby fucking Farleigh had spread that name around, and it got under his skin each time. Travis would inevitably trip over the ball or his own feet, or would take an elbow to the chest as the guys jeered at him. Lost the ball, Flex? Thought you were supposed to be flexible and shit. Maybe you should try sucking us off later instead. You’re way better at that. The fact that his dad was the head coach didn’t help at all and only seemed to make it worse. He had learned to duck his head in shame every time he fucked up, knowing his dad’s mouth had set into a hard line as he stared at him, disappointed.
It was worse when he had to sit and watch the girls’ practices. They were much better than the boys’ team by far, and seeing his dad shower praise on Taissa and Mari made his chest ache in a sickening way. The girls were mostly polite, but some would go out of their way to avoid talking to him, giggling whispers of Flex to each other whenever he would bend down to drop more balls on the field, nevermind that he had known most of them since grade school. Travis would sit hunched over on the bleachers and stare at the ground, turning his Walkman on whenever his dad wasn’t looking for him to do another task.
Sometimes, however, he’d watch the girls, trying to figure out the group dynamics. Jackie seemed like the leader at first, but Taissa and Shauna were the fastest moving on the field and would get the ball passed to them the most. Mari was just as ferocious, but came on a little too strong sometimes, and wasn’t as well-liked as Jackie and Taissa. Lottie, Laura Lee, Crystal, and Akilah seemed to get along well with everyone, as he never saw them argue with any of the others. Gen, Melissa, Allie, and Rachel were the ones that would get in trouble for messing around, usually hanging behind to gossip. Van and Misty were probably the team’s biggest cheerleaders, although Misty was definitely not liked by any of the others. And then there was Natalie.
Nat seemed to not be close with any of the girls. None of them would be bitchy to her face, but Travis would hear them whisper about her after she would leave practice, always something about the guys she was with or the drugs she would take. Travis didn’t really understand it, either. Nat was always an excellent team player on the field and was never rude to the other girls. She would skip class a lot, but she would usually just be hanging out with Kevyn Tan and the other guy he couldn’t remember the name of, and Travis thought both of them were probably gay anyway. Nothing close to the hordes of guys Nat was purportedly with.
Travis would be lying if he said he didn’t take notice of Nat more than the other girls. She was pretty, but in a weird way, not like the more conventional pretty of the other girls. Nat would put bright colors in her hair and chop it off at weird angles, wore so much dark eye makeup that you could barely see her eyes underneath, had a deep, husky voice, and smiled with all of her teeth. Travis’s dad would often yell at her for not taking off her many rings before getting on the field, and on multiple occasions, he caught her flipping him off when he wasn’t looking.
Travis was kind of completely in love with her. One time, he had called his dad a dick after he had yelled at Nat loud enough to make her cry, and the smile she gave Travis in response made him giddy for the rest of the day. He would never really talk to her if he could help it, afraid of fucking up his chance of getting to know her if he tried. Besides, he knew his dad would never approve of her. Natalie was constantly getting put into detention, and the only reason she was still on the team was because she was one of their best players. She was one of the few girls his dad didn’t heap praise onto, even with her precision on the field. His mom would tell him how much she wanted him to date a nice girl, one that could be the daughter she didn’t have.
He glanced up from where he was staring at the ground, lost in thought. Fucking Mari was whispering to Rachel again, unsubtly looking in Travis’s direction and laughing.
Travis hated nice girls, too.
—
Tai woke up every morning ready to face the day. She got up, collected her notebooks filled with perfect handwriting, got dressed, did her hair, grabbed breakfast, and said goodbye to her family as she walked out the door to her car. She was at the top of her class in every subject, friends with everyone, adored by underclassmen, and was one of the best fucking players on the school’s best sports team. Her near-constant nightmares were just a distraction from getting the life that she really wanted: rich and powerful and able to change the world for the better.
She wouldn’t tell anyone about them, though. Tai knew Lottie had to take medication for some sort of illness, and it made her spacy sometimes, not hearing what people would say to her at lunch or staring out into the distance on the soccer field and missing a pass. If she had to go through treatment like her grandma had, her senses would be dulled and she would feel like a shell of herself. Definitely not happening. Tai was going to get accepted early admission into Spelman, excel in her classes, get accepted into Columbia Law, and eventually become the state senator of New Jersey. No stupid nightmares that started after her grandma died would stop her from getting there. What scared her more was people finding out she was a lesbian.
It’s not that she felt ashamed about it, really. So she liked girls. Big deal. Her biggest motivation to stay in the closet was that her teammates would definitely treat her differently if they knew, and she didn’t think she could handle that. They would argue a lot, but they were like her family, and Yellowjackets stick together. That would change if they knew she was gay, and she wasn’t prepared to get called a dyke by half the team and all of the guys at school. It was just… convenient? At least that’s what she told herself. It’s not like she would develop a crush on any of her teammates. She could wait to get a girlfriend until she got to college, where she could relax and be herself. There had to be more gay people there than Wiskayok.
Except she wouldn’t. During the first week of practices, Van had said that there was something she needed to ask her, which apparently involved pulling her behind the equipment shed and kissing her.