Chapter Text
The first night when John is gone is odd. I sit alone on the sofa, plucking at my violin absentmindedly, John isn't here for me to play for. To impress. To make happy. There's no one here at all, Mrs. Hudson has gone out for the evening. I'm completely alone.
Alone.
The word is familiar to me, yet foreign at the same time. I've been alone before, I've managed on my own once. It's been so long since then, though. So long since John came into my life and changed me. Made me feel. Made me human.
It's not quite right to be thinking that I'm alone. I'm not alone, I do have John, but not right here with me.
Just four hours ago I was laying in bed with John, curled up against him while he carded his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. I really enjoy it when he does that, makes my eyes heavy, helps me sleep. I especially like it when he tells me that he loves me, though I'll never admit it to anyone other than myself. It pleases me when he whispers it into my ear at crime scenes, making Anderson and Donovan wonder.
Their stupid minds jump to the oddest of ideas. Both of us, John and I, we think it's funny. Hilarious.
I let out a quiet laugh at the thought of it.
I loathe the lack of his presence. I've grown so accustomed to having him near me at all times; watching me, praising me, keeping me in line. He's become pivotal to my existence and he's not here. It's only for a week, but so far he's been gone for about two hours, thirty-seven minutes, and eleven... twelve... thirteen seconds. I'm wondering if Lestrade will call me with a case. If he doesn't, I'm not entirely sure what I'll do. Perhaps I'll stop by the morgue, start a new experiment. The usual. Routine.
Boring. Everything is boring without him.
John isn't here to watch me, listen to me, make background noises... He just isn't here. Instead he's on his way to Cardiff with Sarah. I still don't like her, though I know they're nothing more than colleagues. She's dull.
John isn't dull. He never has been. Not to me.
I sigh loudly as though someone can hear me, my obvious frustration. I'm bored. Incredibly bored. John's not been away for three hours and I feel like I'm going to go mad. Well, more mad than I already am.
Mad. I know I'm mad, but I don't care. I can't be bothered to care. It's not important.
I need John, and he knows I do. He needs me too. We both know this, but I'm pathetic. I hate being away from him when I know he's gone. Most times when he leaves, I don't notice. I go on talking to him as though he's right next to me. But this time I know he's not here and it bothers me. I don't like it.
Without thinking my actions through, I pull out my mobile and write out a concise message. If I have even a quarter of the mind that I know I possess, I won't send it.
But I do.
"I miss you already. SH"
"You've only been gone for a little while, but it feels longer. Odd. SH"
"Ridiculous, actually. SH"
I send them rapidly, hoping the three text alerts will gain John's attention straight away. Apparently they do. I smile as my mobile vibrates two minutes and forty-five seconds later and shows that I have a new message from John. A tender warmth spreads throughout my body as I read the message.
"It's not ridiculous at all. I miss you, too. I love you. JW"
I take less than twenty seconds to send my reply.
"I love you, too. SH"