Work Text:
BUCK (APPROXIMATELY THREE DAYS AFTER EDDIE REACHES EL PASO: HIS BREAKING POINT)
“Things are going really well here. Chris let me go to one of his chess matches. Sure, I didn’t understand it in the moment but He Won. How’s LA?”
“Yeah, things are alright here. I do have something to tell you, though.”
“Shoot.”
“Ok, so when you first told me about the move, I thought it was gonna feel like all those times that Maddie left, but it didn’t. For some reason. The 118 is a family, but it didn’t feel like my family was leaving." He took the silence as active listening.
“It felt more like when Abby left, then Ali, then Taylor, and so on. I guess what I’m saying is that you up and moving got me to realize that I don’t like you. Not like how I like Hen or Chimney or Maddie. I miss you, not like a bro, but how Chim misses Maddie or Hen misses Karen. Like I think I might want, like, a romantic relationship. With you. My partner.” He waits as a beat of silence passes.
“I think we’re breaking up, so I’ll just say, I'm sorry you’re feeling that way, Buck. When you came out, I said ‘nothing changes between us.’ I think that should still apply here. We’ll find you someone. You’re still my best friend even when you’re in LA and I’m in El Paso. You’ll get a new partner in no time, you just have to be open. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
Well, that hurts. He needs to figure out how to flee the conversation. Maybe even flee the country. Peru was nice. Maybe he could go back. For now, he settles with: “Oh. I have to go. Now. Jee needs… cookies.”
EDDIE (2.5 MINUTES EARLIER)
“I don’t like you. I miss you, bro. I want a romantic relationship. With my partner.”
Granted, he had to decipher what Buck was trying to say through all the static was a bit difficult but he thinks he got the gist of it: Buck’s mad at him for leaving because he needs someone to be his wingman to find a new girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Partner?
Eddie knew Buck would be hurt by his decision to go back to El Paso, but he should know that it’s just temporary. That he’d always have a place in the Diaz family. And once Chris was willing, they’d be right back where they belonged. Together.
EDDIE (ONE WEEK LATER)
Eddie thought since Buck was so bummed without him that surprising him when they got back would be the best option. Sometimes it’s okay to be wrong. This was not one of those times.
“Helloooooo. Buck you here?”
“Eddie? Shit, yeah, give me a sec,” Buck calls down before whispering to someone. Then runs downstairs in sweatpants and no shirt. Maybe he shouldn’t have let himself in with his key. Fuck. He said he was “looking for a partner.” Maybe he found one.
“Wait, do you have someone over? Sorry, I guess I should’ve called first. We’ll just come back later.” He says going back the way he came, closing the door behind him.
Until it swings back open to reveal a hopeful Buck. “We?”
“Hi Buck,” Christopher says nonchalantly from behind Eddie. Buck makes no effort to conceal his excitement. He all but pushes past Eddie to get to Christopher.
“Hey buddy. I missed you so much. Oh my God, you’re so much taller! What were your grandparents feeding you down there? I’m gonna hug you now, alright? Or do you want a gentlemanly handshake, sir?” Christopher rolls his eyes but basically melts into Buck’s arms while Eddie looks on fondly.
Pulling back from the hug, Buck stops to ruffle Chris’ hair. “Superman, are you taller than your dad now?” He looks between the two. “That’s super embarrassing for him.”
“Hey.” Eddie protests as Buck and Chris try to sneak a high five. They're interrupted by shuffling from the second floor. Buck’s eyes widen as he seems to remember something.
“Oh shit. I forgot about her.”
“Her? Chris, you good to go wait by the car?” He tosses the keys to his son.
“Not so fast. I need one more hug from you, Mr. Diaz.” Buck squeezes Chris like every time before: bear hug that lifts him off the ground with a loud sigh.
When back on the ground, Chris rolls his eyes.
“Why are you so weird? Like both of you are so cringe.” He’s already walking away.
“Love you buddy,”
Buck thinks he hears a mumbled, “love you too” over the sound of the elevator dinging, but who can say? He just turns his attention back to a sheepish Eddie.
“Sorry again. You’re an adult. I should have thought ahead before barging in.”
“No, you’re good. It’s nothing serious, just a girl I’ve seen a couple times.”
“Enough for her to know her way around the bathroom, apparently.” Eddie was going for a friendly quip. It comes out jilted somehow. He hopes Buck doesn’t catch it but, when has he ever been that lucky?
“Ok, what’s so wrong with that, Eddie?”
“N-nothing,” his voice catches on the word. “I don’t know why that came out so weird.”
“Eddie, I don’t want things to be weird now.”
“Me neither. So now that Chris and I are back,” he stops, seeing Buck’s pointed stare.
“Back like permanently?” He raises his fuckass eyebrow, like he always does when he calls bullshit.
“For the foreseeable future, yeah. Everything I need is right here. In LA, I mean. So things don’t have to be weird. I’ll meet the girl-"
“Lola” Buck supplies, arms crossed.
“Sure. I’ll meet her if things work out. If they don’t, I can go back to being your wingman and we’ll find the perfect Mrs./Mr. Buck Buckley.”
Buck looks down at his shoes to avoid Eddie’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I asked too much of you. I guess I had a few too many drinks that night on the phone.”
Eddie hates when he’s down on himself like this. He takes a step forward.
“Too much? You missed your best friend. That’s not a crime. You wanted someone to go out with you.”
A lightbulb seems to go off in Buck’s head. “Eddie, what exactly was your takeaway from our conversation?”
“I mean, the connection was terrible, but it was obvious you were upset that I was in Texas because you needed someone to go out with you to be a wingman.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Like I just said. Is there a reason we’re doing comprehension checks, or are you stalling so you don’t have to go back up there?” He finishes with a whisper.
Buck rolls his eyes again but claps Eddie on the shoulder.
“Come back later. We’ll order pizza and have a real talk now that there isn’t a screen and a thousand miles between us.” He heads back in.
“O-Kay” Eddie isn’t sure what just happened, but he thinks it went well. What they’re talking about later, he has absolutely no idea. He thinks about it in the elevator, on his surprise return circuit to each 118 residence, on the drive home. Maybe Buck wants to hatch a plan to find someone? That’s crazy. He doesn’t need to try hard to find someone at all.
Buck opens the door to two six packs of beer held up by one Edmundo Diaz. “Where’s Chris? Sleepover already?”
“Yeah, yeah, I caved. I did the surprise stunt on Hen and Karen. Apparently, Chris and Denny have months of video games to catch up on.” Eddie puts the beer in the fridge, save two that he opens.
“Don’t most of Chris’ games have an online component?”
“I don’t know, man. I’m lucky that I know what games he’s playing. Don’t ask me what he’s actually doing. Where’s Lola?” Eddie looks around.
“Who?” Buck waits for Eddie’s reaction. “Just kidding. Last night was her first night over. I guess my apartment’s ‘aura is off’, so it isn’t gonna work out.”
“Maybe she just realized your apartment is sad and you don’t have a couch.” Eddie loves a good dig about Buck’s lack of a couch.
“Alright, pack it up.” Buck pretends to shoo Eddie out. “Great seeing you back in the golden state, really. Maybe you should take a swing at stand up while you’re at it.”
Eddie pushes back, “I’m kidding. I'm kidding. But she’s right, the aura is really out there. You should get that fixed. Can you fix an aura? Or do you just move?”
“How would I know?”
“Have you met you?”
“I feel like if I had, then I wouldn’t be perpetually single.”
“Are you saying your one true love is yourself?”
“No, but that’s a great segue to what we need to talk about.” Eddie had missed their banter, so naturally he was upset at the topic change.
“It is?”
“Um yeah. You might want to sit down.” Buck walks toward the “living room” (see: a single armchair and a TV)
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay and talk in the kitchen? That way, we can both sit.”
“No, no, I’m good. I need pacing room,”
Now Eddie’s concerned. Buck only paces when he’s thinking really hard. Which is never good. But he digresses and sits in the stupid armchair.
“Huh?”
“Ok, I’m gonna talk for a little while and I just need you to hang on to any and all questions until the end.” Eddie nods.
“When you first told me you were moving-"
Eddie has to interject, “I did not.”
“Quiet. When you first told me you were considering moving, I realized another person was leaving me.” Eddie opens his mouth to protest. “No, it’s ok. I’ve made my peace with it. People leave, people come back. Circle of life. Anyway, I thought it was going to feel like when you left last time or when Maddie would leave. But it didn’t. It felt deeper. When I dropped you off at the airport, I had the craziest Déjà vu. Way back before I knew you, when I dropped Abby off before her grand European tour.” Buck ignores Eddie’s eye roll at the mention of Abby.
“Then it hit me, this feeling, the feeling of you leaving felt like when Abby left and when Ali left and Taylor and so on.” He also ignores Eddie’s fake vomiting noises at the mention of Taylor.
“You picked up on part of it. I did miss you. But not the way Chim misses Hen or even the way you miss me. It’s how Chim missed Maddie when she went to Boston. It’s how Karen misses Hen every time we have a dangerous call. I said it kind of weird on the call. I just said I don’t like you.”
Eddie mumbles, “That part was clear.”
Buck takes a step closer. “At the risk of sounding like a teenager. I like like you. I didn’t miss you as a bro. I missed you as a partner. Yeah, in the work sense, but also at home. I don’t know if you’ve realized, but while running from your family in Texas, you created a family here. You, Christopher, and-me. And you have no idea how much that means to me. So yeah, it feels like asking too much when I say I want it all. Christopher between us as we watch some movie that you’ll fall asleep halfway through. Hell, I’d be happy to sleep on your couch for the rest of my life if it meant keeping that. Ok, that’s my part.”
He looks for a reaction from Eddie, who is catatonic. He waves his hand in front of his face.
“Eddie, Eds. You alive in there? Gimme something, anything.”
“I’m gay.” Buck doesn’t know who’s more shocked at the confession, him, or Eddie.
“Ok, that’s something. Not at all what I was expecting, but thanks for telling me. Not to make your coming out about me, but can we circle back to the prior conversation?”
Now it’s Eddie’s turn to pace. “I mean-fuck. You’re right, I’ve spent five years looking for someone to co-exist with, to co-parent Christopher. But you’ve been right there all along. I dated Ana and Marisol trying to find the mother he deserves but I didn’t realize he never needed one. He’s had a second dad all along, hasn’t he?”
“I mean, I’ve always felt it, but I didn’t want to overstep.” Buck sinks into the chair, worried that his legs might give out at any moment.
“You dumbass. How would you be overstepping? I made you his emergency legal guardian. Actually, no. I’m the dumbass. How did I think that was a platonic decision? I told you about my will while I was dating Ana. That’s so shitty. I need to send her a fruit basket.”
“I mean, it could have been platonic. Have you ever heard of queer platonic relationships? It’s like when you have a non-nuclear family dynamic, including at least one queer individual raising someone with someone else, but they’re not involved romantically or sexually.”
“Ahh ahh. I’m locked in now. I know it’s not platonic because, like three days before that, I got shot. I got shot, and I reached for you because I thought you were hurt and I needed to know you were safe. I don’t remember much, but I remember fighting to stay awake until I knew for sure.
"Then when you got struck by lightning, I counted how long you were out. I begged you to talk to me. I don’t know if you know this, but I love hearing you talk. You know so much and I’m content just listening."
“Really?”
“Really. Fuck whoever’s made you feel like you’re not worth listening to, because your voice is one of my favorite sounds. But you weren’t talking then. Not for the three minutes and seventeen seconds you weren’t breathing or for the excruciating days after. It took you a week to talk to me again. I talked to you though, when you were in your coma. We all did. I told you to come back…for Christopher. I never said for you to come back for me out loud. But I know I felt it.”
Buck wipes a tear from his eye and stands. “Ok rude. You totally hijacked my love confession AND outdid me.”
“Woah! Love? I didn’t say love. Is there something you need to tell me?” Eddie, the asshole, is trying to play coy now. Well, two can play that game.
“Yeah, I guess there is. I don’t know how to fly a helicopter.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Buck revels in Eddie’s confusion.
“Well, the last time you were being wooed by a guy, he flew you to Las Vegas.”
“Wooed by a guy? Flew to Vegas? Are you talking about Tommy?” Poor soul still hasn’t connected the dots.
“Yeah, after you left, and I sat with my feelings, I ended up calling Tommy.” Once again, Eddie rolls his eyes at the mention of Buck’s ex.
“To clear the air," Buck placates. "Not to get back together with him. He actually grosses me out now. But he said that we shouldn’t have been together in the first place. I agreed, then he continued. Turns out we weren’t flirting in that week before he kissed me. We were competing.”
“Competing? Like the basketball game where you maimed me?”
“I’m going to kill you. But no, not the basketball game. I mean, it’s part of it. But we were competing for you. For your attention. That’s why he was so surprised when I said that when he showed up at my apartment. He stopped by to make his intentions known and I guess I skewed them by being an idiot. He wanted you and all those trips and activities, those dates. And I was jealous. Not that you were going on those dates, but that I wasn’t the one taking you.”
“Man. Those dates were boring as hell then. Not the actual activity part, obviously, but aren’t dates supposed to be two people getting to know each other? I didn’t even know he was gay until you told me. And I tried to invite you along for said dates. So not only am I oblivious, I’m a rude guest.”
“Don’t worry, he’s over it.”
“Are you over him?”
“Very. I’m gonna kiss you now. Is that okay?”
“Please.” Buck inhales the word. It’s quick. Not a messy or super-passionate kiss. But it’s life changing.
“Yeah, I’m gay,” Eddie breathes out, resting his forehead against Buck's. “Kissing never felt like that with a woman. Not even Shannon.” It’s not that he wants to stop kissing Buck, but he can’t go another minute without letting him know what it all means to him.
It has the desired effect on Buck, who smiles almost bashfully. “I mean, it felt different from everyone else I’ve kissed, too. But I think it’s just because it’s you.” He punctuates the last sentence with a soft kiss to the mole below Eddie’s eye.
“Ok sappy. Wait, if dates are for getting to know each other, what are we supposed to do? Skip that part? Get engaged?” Eddie wants it to sound like he’s just joking (he’s not, he would marry Buck right then if he had a ring and Christopher by his side.)
“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed. I’m pretty sure you’re it. No pressure,”
“No, no, you’re right. I can’t think of my life without you.”
“Now who’s the sappy one?”
“I know what you are, but what am I?”
“My fiance apparently.”
“I like the sound of that.”