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Pencil’s behavior since she’s joined TPOT hasn’t been lost on Pin. Or anyone, for that matter.
Of course, Pin’s always thought of Pencil as rude and bratty, but this was… different. Erratic, destructive, and so, so desperate.
Pin usually wouldn’t get involved, because the two have a history. She doesn’t like to think about BFDIA and the things that happened to her as an inadvertent result of Pencil’s leadership of Freesmart. She was consistently made a target, and Pin doesn’t like the version of herself that she displayed, either. She’s come a long way since then, and it’s not something she wants to look back on.
But, there’s something about the way she doesn’t stop at anything to win, the way Pin’s watched her corner Book and Ice Cube out of pure desperation…
It reminds Pin of how she used to act.
And it’s clearly for different reasons, but she can’t help but think about herself yelling at Book and Ice Cube, desperately trying to get them to be her friend. She thinks about herself in BFDI, when she would steal and cheat and not care who she hurt in order to win. And now, after the last challenge, Pencil’s team is losing two members in the next elimination. It’s clear she’s not taking it well.
As Pin walks through the hotel hallways, she hears the heavy breathing, the shaky noises coming from inside Pencil’s room. It causes her to stop for a moment.
She usually struggles to feel any sort of sympathy for Pencil, but… If she’s wanting to put BFDIA in the past, if she wants to become the better version of herself that she’s always wanted, she should offer a hand. She’s done it already with Book, and now she’ll try to get through to Pencil.
Pin awkwardly extends her hand to the door, gently knocking three times. Pencil’s room goes silent, as if she’s trying to convince Pin that nobody’s home. Pin’s already second-guessing this decision. She takes a deep breath, and tries the doorknob. Surprisingly, Pencil’s left her room unlocked.
Pencil’s staring directly at her with wide, horrified eyes as she slowly pushes the door open. There’s a moment where neither of them say anything, before Pencil seems to snap out of it.
“Get out of here.” Pencil’s tone is cold as she stands from the bed.
“Pencil, people are worried-”
“I don’t care! I said get out!” She snaps, stepping towards the door. “Maybe if people were actually worried, they would actually try to be useful to me!”
“Pencil-” Pin interrupts, but Pencil doesn’t stop.
“But, no! Everyone just gets in my way! The only way my team can ‘help’ is by winning the stupid challenges!”
“Pencil…”
“Nobody actually cares! I don’t care what I have to do, I’m not letting this happen again! I just wish anyone would actually listen to me without giving me shit for it!”
“Pencil!”
“What!?” Pencil stops, her frantic eyes meeting Pin’s. Pin takes a deep breath, because
damn,
does she sympathize with the rest of CloudYay for having to deal with her. She’s trying not to get frustrated, because clearly that hasn’t worked for her other teammates. Pin closes the door behind her, taking a seat on Pencil’s bed.
Pin thinks for a moment- Pencil doesn’t need to be told what she’s doing is wrong- She’s heard it from just about everyone. Pin’s mind lingers on Pencil’s words. She just needs someone to listen. Just like Coiny’s always listened to her vent her frustrations even when she was clearly in the wrong.
“I’m not here to try to change your mind, Pencil.” Pin stumbles out in her usual awkward way of speaking. “You… clearly have a reason for why you’re so upset.” She’s trying to be strategic about this, because Pencil could very easily kick her out if she’s too forward. Pin’s surprised Pencil’s even giving her the time of day, but it’s clearly because she’s been ranting. “What happened last challenge? What were your teammates doing?” Pin gently probes, watching the gears turn in Pencil’s head.
“Why are you doing this, Pin?” Pencil stops, her brow furrowing. “We’re not friends. Is it because we caused your team to lose in the last challenge? Or are you just trying to act like you’re better than me because you’re not a total asshole anymore?”
“What? No, ugh, you-!” Pin groans, frustrated, before she remembers that wouldn’t get her anywhere. While, of course getting through to Pencil would likely make the challenges far less brutal, her main reason stems from empathy. “I’m worried. Like, actually. I don’t judge you for anything you’ve done. At least, uh, not since you joined this season.”
The clarification cracks a small snicker from Pencil. Despite how much Pin’s changed since BFDIA, she’ll always be the best at holding grudges, it seems.
“I’m not here for a therapy session, Pin.” Pencil sighs. “But I guess I already ranted about everything. I’m just-” She freezes, remembering her circumstances. At least lashing out at Pin meant she wasn’t focusing on the fact that there’s a very real threat above her head. A very real threat that she could be eliminated next. “I can’t- I…” Every single time she thinks about it too much, she’s sent spiralling all over again, a deep, deep feeling of dread in her chest.
Pin tries to be patient- It’s never been her strong point, but she tries.
“Does it not drive you crazy, knowing that you could be eliminated?” Pencil redirects back to Pin. She thinks for a moment. “Taken to god-knows-where for years? Why am I the only one who’s freaking out about this?”
“Of course, it’s a little unsettling because it’s so uncertain, but…” Pin hums in thought. “I think a lot of us trust Two. It’s definitely a threat, but I don’t think Two would do anything to purposefully harm anyone.”
“See! Why the hell are you trusting them?!” Pencil snaps. “They’ve never given you a single reason to trust them! Liy’s the only other one here who knows what it’s like to be trapped in that classroom, I can’t be trapped again!”
Pin nods along. It’s hard to refute Pencil’s words, because, while she and many others trust Two (especially much more than they trust Four), Pencil’s been through a lot more than she has in this situation.
“I can’t- I… I can’t be trapped, I can’t-” Pencil stutters, and Pin blinks awkwardly, not exactly sure what to do. She stands slowly, testing the waters by placing a careful hand on Pencil’s trembling ones.
And then, when Pencil doesn’t move away from the touch, Pin wraps her in a cautious embrace. She’s just thinking about what others have done for her when she’s had breakdowns and trying to replicate it, because this kind of thing has never come easy for her. But it seems to break something in Pencil that was previously holding her back, because she practically crumples into Pin’s arms with a sob.
It’s a little awkward on Pin’s behalf, but she lets Pencil get it all out without interruption. She’s never expected to see Pencil like this, all broken and disheveled. Not when Pencil’s usually so strong. Pin’s always seen her as someone above everything, and the fact that the two really aren’t as different as she initially thought is an odd one to come to terms with.
When Pencil eventually pulls back, teary eyed and slightly horrified at what just came over her, she quickly wipes away her tears. Her eyes don’t meet Pin’s.
“Sorry.” Pencil mumbles, turning towards the door. “I need to go.”
And before Pin can call after her, she’s already out the door. Pin frowns, left alone in Pencil’s room in the hotel.
Still, her room’s a mess. It’s clear she hasn’t left it much since the challenge. Even if Pencil’s ashamed of her outburst, it wouldn’t hurt to clean it a little before she leaves.