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Gardenview Educational Center and Museum. You were excited to go on this trip, you really were. Maybe it could've been the thing to pull you out of your shell and finally start making some friends. But once again, you hyped yourself up for something you only thought was going to be fun. It was silly, how you always got so excited over new things: new places, new people, new opportunities, before immediately dipping out the moment anything became slightly unfamiliar. You imagined this trip would be a chance of getting to know your classmates better and to engage in the variety of exhibits. But that remained a fantasy as you stood there, wondering why you even came in the first place.
You snap out of your fervor to the sound of the tour guide directing your class to the next area. During the trip, you gained a habit of staying at the far back of your group; standing in the front felt oddly exposing, like dozens of eyes were piercing into your back. Yet this tagging behind led to you losing your group at least twice and having to use your limited knowledge of the museum's floor plan to make your way back. No one noticed you were gone, but it made sense. You’ve been too nervous to utter even a single word during the trip, so it’s not like your presence was notable.
The next room was big. Ceilings that towered above you, lengthy blue walls with rainbow patterns stretched across, dozens of little activity stations spread out for your classmates to engage in - it was all bursting with life. You found Gardenview incredible, you really did, and maybe if it weren't for the circumstances, the sea of scientific and historical exhibits would have invited more curiosity from you. But instead, all you could focus on was the buzzing of student chatter, the sporadic shrieks of kids forgetting to use their inside voice, the booming voices of teachers and staff trying to keep tabs on everyone - it was all too much to comprehend. It sent adrenaline running through your system, but also made you so, so tired.
Throughout the room there were multiple bunches of children crowded around what were the real attractions of Gardenview: its toons. For such a vast building, there were only 24 of them, so getting a chance to see or even speak with one was incredibly rare. Of course, this didn't stop nearly every student from trying, hence the various swarms of kids gathered around what can only be assumed to be a toon in the center of the fervor.
You were no different from your peers, however. You also really, really wanted a chance to see one of them. They were what differentiated Gardenview from any other museum after all! But after looking at the enormous crowd you'd have to get through, the idea became daunting. No, you thought to yourself. Why let a few crowds of people stop you from having fun? You’ve hardly done anything this whole trip and now’s your chance to change that. Just pick an exhibit and try to focus on what’s going on. You glanced around the area, eyes landing on one of the more manageably small groups, at the center of which seemed to be an exhibit about fossils.
Trying not to bump into anyone on the way, you walked towards the edge of the group, now being able to hear an excitable voice spewing dinosaur facts. It was, however, impossible to see the source of the voice, as the wall of people was too tall to peek over. Stealing your nerves, you teetered in-between the clusters of people, muttering “excuse me”s probably too quiet for anyone but you to hear. It felt nearly impossible to find somewhere comfortable to stand where you could actually see what was happening. Seriously, just where was-
-Suddenly you stumbled into the front of the crowd, just in time to see an eggshell-colored toon holding a moderately-sized fossil in her hands. “-and that’s how coelurosaurs got their food!” she exclaimed. The toon, who you could now see resembled an ammonite shell, scanned her crowd with intent. Her eyes landed on you; your chest tightened. “Here! This is a fossilized jawbone! Pass it around! Notice the way the teeth are structured!” She held out the fossil and patiently awaited for you to take it.
Immediately all eyes fell on you. You plucked the fossil out of the toon’s hands, trying to ignore how the people next to you leant in to get a closer look. After hardly a few seconds of admiring it, you felt like you’ve been holding it for too long. You moved the fossil towards the nearest pair of hands, accidentally dropping it too early due to how sweaty your palms were. The fossil fell to the floor with a harsh thunk, the sound drawing a collective gasp from the crowd . Every pair of eyes averted towards you and your screw-up, chattered whispers erupting:
“What was that?” “Someone dropped the fossil.” “Oh no, is it broken?” “Did someone break it?” “Why can’t people just be careful holding museum property?” “Who broke the fossil!?” “And this is why you don’t let children handle fragile things…”
Amongst the auditory frenzy, the toon knelt down with a practiced motion, scooping the fossil back up and giving it a quick examination, nodding. Her smiling gaze met yours, which was twisted into horror. “Oh don’t worry about this thing, it’s seen much worse!” But her words never reached you as you shoved your way through the maze-like crowd, muttering frantic “I’m sorry”s everytime you brushed against another person. The people towered above you on all sides, making you feel as if you were going to drown in shame. Air. You just need more air.
You stumbled out of the group, breathing hard and heavy. You felt that all too familiar twisting in your chest, the jolt of your body telling you to run. Just leave. Doesn’t matter where, just leave. You can’t be here anymore.
Your head jerked back and forth, landing on a small exit hallway in the corner of the room. You dashed towards it and began to hurry through unfamiliar corridors, disregarding how you were absolutely not supposed to be there. Your teachers would scold you for leaving everyone behind. The museum staff would be inconvenienced to know some random middle schooler was hiding in who-knows-where. If you got lost long enough you’d probably end up making the bus wait for you, and then all your classmates would be bothered too. But none of that crossed your mind. All that mattered in the moment was finding some quiet, secluded space, far far away from anyone who could see you. Your eyes landed on a stairwell, underneath it being a small cavity. Perfect.
You rushed over and fell to your knees. Now that you were alone, it began to sink in. That awful stinging in your eyes, that bitter lump in the back of your throat, your heart pounding in your chest, tears threatening to spill. Calm down, calm down. It's going to be okay . You held onto your upper arms and pressed your back against the corner, determined to steady yourself. If you started crying now, it'd take forever for you to stop. It would be favorable if your face didn't look snivelly and red on the bus ride home.
Why are you like this? Getting so nervous around people that you can’t even hold an object correctly? You probably broke it and now it’s the museum’s problem. Pathetic. That's what it was. Pathetic that you couldn't handle what everyone else saw as normal, pathetic that you'd get so worked up over nothing, pathetic that there wasn't even a good reason to be like this. No wonder no one wants to be around you. All you do is mess everything up and make everyone uncomfortable. How could anyone tolerate being around you? There’s people out there who have worse things to deal with and it’s selfish that you act like you have it so bad. You can’t even manage doing the simplest of things. You broke something valuable and just ran away so you didn’t have to face consequences and it’s all your fault-
“Hello?”
You flinched, head jerking up to face the voice. To your shock, it wasn't a staff member or teacher, but a toon. He gazed at you with big orb-like eyes, two noodly arms draped on either side of his body, one paw red and one blue. His head was boxy, adorned with patches of oat-colored fluff. Overall he had the warm appearance of a stuffed toy.
He tilted his head, big eyes blinking. “Are you lost?” he inquired, a small smile forming. “You must be one of those kids on that class trip. I can help you find your way back!” The toon extended a paw towards you, his small smile now a large goofy grin.
The sight of someone, let alone a toon, stumbling upon you in such a state left you wordless, staring dumbly at him. His arm hung in the air, the toon looking between you and his outstretched blue paw. You didn’t want to join your group again. After a silence that lasted a bit too long, he put his arm down, a puzzled look on his face. “I’m Goob, by the way! I’m a toon here at Gardenview! You…probably already know that, hehe.” Still, silence. Goob scanned you up and down, a concerned expression forming. “Hey is…is everything okay? You look kinda upset…” At the mention of your emotional state, you felt a sharp pang in the back of your throat. You hated when people found you like this, it never failed to humiliate you.
Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. You came here to avoid being emotional in front of people, and you were set on keeping it that way. Stiffening yourself, you opened your mouth to force words out: “Y-yeah. I’m alright…” you sputtered out. It wasn’t convincing in the slightest, considering how you were still sitting on the floor, tucked into the corner like a scared animal. Goob looked at you, now outright worried. “You don’t look alright…Did something happen? Was…was someone mean to you?”
“N-No I-” little droplets began to collect at your eyes, “-I’m okay! No one was, I- it’s just, I-” You muttered some pathetic excuse, too quiet and too incomprehensible to be understood. Hanging your head to stare at the linoleum floor, you tried to hide your distress. It was ridiculous, your stubborn nature to reject care from others. You wanted nothing more than for your disorder to be met with understanding, yet it was always shame that kept your walls up. But you were, quite literally, backed into a corner by what seemed to be the kindest creature on the planet. Goob, now given confirmation you were very much not okay, was determined to cheer you up.
Tears dripped onto the floor, the weak sounds of you trying to suppress your sobs now filling the room. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” You repeated the phrase, barely a whisper, lacking the creativity to say anything else. Even with your head hanging towards the floor and your eyes screwed shut, you could tell Goob was looking directly at you. “H-hey, it’s okay if you’re upset. I…don’t know exactly what happened but if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
You peeked up at him, your face red and nose running. All you could manage to do was watch, occasionally wiping your face with your sleeve. Tell him what happened? What “happened” was all your fault, a stupid mistake you made because you’re terrible at all things social. But he asked, so he wants to know. Dozens of thoughts swam around in your head, none of which manifested as words. You zoned in on Goob’s expression as if it were the most important thing in the world, more tears falling at the idea of what he could be thinking of you.
Goob let out a soft “hmm”, seemingly recognizing that verbal communication wasn’t an option for you. “If…If you don’t want to talk about it, can I at least hug you? Hugs always make me feel better, hehe…” He smiled warmly and lifted both his paws, waiting open-armed for your response.
You nodded. Plush fur rested against you, long arms gently pulling you close. You cried harder. Goob was warm, careful, everything you could’ve needed in that moment. The motion at first made you stiffen, but then melt as you leaned into the embrace. He slowly guided his paws to rest on your back, slightly rubbing it as you began to tremble. You didn’t deserve any of this. The kind gesture was everything you could have wanted, yet also made your chest tighten with guilt. He shouldn’t have to do this, wasting his time trying to calm an over-dramatic child. The room filled with the sounds of you sniffling as you broke down in his arms.
Goob hummed faintly as you rested your head on his shoulder. “It’s alright, I’ve got you. Just breathe for me, alright? Hehe, that’s something my sister always says. Whenever you’re stressed, focus on your breathing. It actually helps a lot more than you’d expect but people always forget to do it.” You nodded into him, trying to take his advice. Your breath hitched and hiccuped with no recognisable pattern, your lungs feeling foreign inside you. But you tried your best. Deep inhales. Slow exhales.
“See? I think you’re getting the hang of it!” Goob said encouragingly. Your face was still flushed and wet with tears, but you could feel your vocal chords start functioning again. “You’re doing great, and it’s going to be okay. And, if you ever feel ready to, you can talk to me! And, if you need me to get a water or anything, let me know—sorry, what was that?”
“I-I’m sorry,” you choked out, voice nasally. “You probably-” you hiccuped, “-have more important things to do and you’re just w-wasting your time on me.” Goob made a small, sad noise. “But this isn’t a waste of time! I’m helping a friend feel better…” Your heart twisted at the name. “But I don’t…” Your voice trailed off into whimpers.
“Hey, it’s okay to ask for help if you’re upset. It’s okay to ask for help in general! Like, whenever I’m struggling to write something because of my paws, I sometimes ask my friends to write it for me! And they aren’t inconvenienced by it at all. And we all deserve to get help when we need it..!” “But I don’t deserve it, I broke one of the toon’s fossils…” A small laugh came from Goob. “You must’ve been real strong if you were able to break one of those!” You whined, and he stopped laughing. “Sorry, sorry…how’d you break it?” “I dropped it,” you admitted. “Hmm, that’s it? I mean Shelly’s usually pretty good at only passing out things that don’t break easily. Her fossils are pretty sturdy anyways, so I’m sure it’s fine!” “Are you…you sure..?” Goob nodded. “Mhm! Positive!”
Both of you sat in silence for a few moments, content with each others’ warmth and company. Your breath eased out, and the knots in your chest and throat melted. “Thank you,” you muttered. “Of course! I’m always available for hugs!” At that, Goob squeezed you slightly more, to which you did the same, giggling. “You’ve been very nice to me. Thank you again. Sorry for…all that.” “It’s not a problem at all! I’m just glad I could help. I’d hug you all day if you needed it!” Goob declared, triumphantly.
A realization dawned on you, and you slowly broke the hug. “I should…probably go soon. The teachers are all gonna be mad at me for leaving…” “Oh, okay,” Goob responded, standing after a moment. “Why don’t we go together! Ooh, we can go see Shelly! Maybe you can get a chance to hold that fossil again!” You lowered your head. “You sure she won’t be mad at me..?” “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Shelly mad at anyone before.” You let out a small, contemplative noise as Goob extended his paw towards you. “Soo, what do you think? Wanna go look at the museum? I can show you all my favorite exhibits and the best places to get snacks!” A pause, then, you faintly laughed, taking his paw in your hand. “Sounds like a good idea!” Hands intertwined, you walked back to the main entrance.