Archive of Our Own

Bucky can't point out when it started, he couldn't explain it even if his life depended on it, but somehow his relationship with Sam has evolved from trying to kill each other -to be fair that wasn’t his fault- to them having a friend in common, to him actually liking the guy. Which, to be honest was not that hard to believe, Sam was a nice person, he was an asshole too but definitely not the worst person Bucky had ever had to meet, far from it, if anything Sam was the only person Bucky could trust enough to call a friend.

And that was exactly the problem.

In the past they had Steve, he was his anchor, the person who believed in him despite everything that Bucky had done, not even once Steve consider he was a lost cause, and his faith was so strong that even Bucky himself had some hope, hope that he could be fixed, hope that he was more that the winter soldier . And Steve wasn't the only one, because Sam had also decided to trust him. 

Not his smartest decision, unlike Steve, Sam Wilson had no reason to believe in him, but he did it anyway. Bucky convinced himself that Sam didn't exactly trust him but he trusted Steve, and honestly Bucky could work with that.

It worked better than Bucky expected, he and Sam were a great team, they complemented each other and somehow managed to be on the same page even if they were constantly arguing about everything. It was a shame that only now, right when the Avengers were divided, they were on the same team.

After everything, Bucky thought it would be safer for him, for everyone, if he stayed on Wakanda until they figured out what to do with him. Steve and Sam visited often, either together or only one of them. It was nice. However, and as expected, Steve was busy making sure the rest of the team were alive so Bucky got used to Sam’s company.  

It was a bit ironic how such a tragedy made them closer. It started slow but he learned to be comfortable around Sam and it is not like it took him too much effort to do it. Despite being totally opposites, or maybe because of it, it was just natural to be around each other.

Then were the small details between them, actions that would go unnoticed by everyone else but them. Sometimes Sam would need a sparring partner at freaking 3 AM and Bucky would casually help him. Sometimes Bucky would search for Sam's company because, as nice as everyone in Wakanda was, he needed a more familiar face but wouldn't dare to ask Steve.  Sometimes Bucky got overwhelmed by everything around him and Sam would distract him with some lame joke. Sometimes Sam was the one who needed someone to talk to and Bucky would listen -he didn't say much half of the time but that was fine he would be there for Sam, and sometimes they -especially Sam- just needed to annoy someone just because.

It was nice. 

Things got better, kinda. The government was after Steve and everyone who fought by his side, which, yes included him but compared to being a weapon to Hydra, well, Bucky thought he would be fine. His partners were strong, his mind was getting better -as in finally making progress with the whole brainwashing, Bucky never thought he would live to see that day.

He was genuinely happy for the first time in a while, he truly believed that things would change for the better and that all of them would be fine. 

But then they were facing their biggest threat to date -which was a scary thing to admit given their history and line of work- and then.

Nothing. 

The last thing Bucky remembers is him saying Steve name while he had a hopeless expression on his face, by the time he feels conscious again some guy with a cape -Dr. Strange was a fitting name- is explaining something about Thanos, infinity stones and portals and sweet Jesus, Bucky can barely understand but whatever they have a battle to win.

It’s a sour victory to say the least. Bucky -as well as the others probably- is still not over the fact that they basically resurrected after freaking five years, fought an army of aliens and lost Tony Stark everything in less than two hours.

Finally, once everything is over, Bucky decides to leave. He knows he has no right to be at Tony's funeral, not after he did and especially not when he never had the chance to make amends with him.  He feels unwelcome there so he is really thankful for having Sam next to him, no matter how bad the situation is Bucky knows Sam will have his back. 

Good to know, because the moment he hugs Steve, Bucky realizes this is it, this is the end of the line. Bucky knows he has no right to be mad -honestly this may be the first time that Steve did something for himself-, not after Steve sacrificed for him but he can't help it and it looks like Sam shares his disappointment.

When Sam sits next to him he holds the shield with a sour expression and none of them has anything to say. It's a little weird but fuck it, five years might have passed but they certainly didn’t feel it, who knows how much the world has changed since they were gone. It’s ridiculous to pretend they can go back to their previous lives.

Even for someone who had to make terms with himself after being used as a weapon by a group of sycophants, that's a lot to deal with.

"It doesn't suit me" Sam finally says.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea" this time Sam sounds more irritated "it's not like I have ever thought about the possibility" he added with a defeated tone.

That Bucky could understand, he wasn't sure what to do now either. Does he even have a home to return to? 

They stayed in silence for what could have been hours before finally going separate ways.

And honestly Bucky thought that would end, without Steve Sam had no reason to look for him. But of course, it wasn't, no Sam always ended up doing things he couldn't understand.

Sam still called him, still texted him even if Bucky never answered. His therapist said it was sad and Bucky agreed even if he never admitted it. He doesn't trust her enough to talk about why he couldn't bring himself to explain why he is avoiding Sam when he was, quite literally, the only person he has left.

It's not like he hated Sam, even with all his bickering or maybe because of it, Bucky had a soft spot for him, not that he would say it out loud.

Back in the day, when he was still in Wakanda and Sam and Steve visited, there were times Bucky preferred Sam's company rather than Steve. Sam was the kind of person who was easy to talk to -although in his case Same would do the talking for both of them- he knows to listen, knows what and when to say things and most importantly he didn't pity him.

Unconscious or not Steve sometimes used to do this thing where he looked at Bucky with unreadable eyes, like he wished for someone else, someone from the past. It was uncomfortable to say the least but Bucky knew it didn't mean any harm so he never mentioned it.

But Sam never did that, he never looked at him as he was a broken thing -even if that's how he felt- and for Barnes and his fucked brain, that was more than he could ever ask for.

Which brings up his current dilemma, why was he avoiding Sam. Bucky knows that he is the only real friend he still has and he also wishes he could just pick up the phone and call him. He could talk about his nightmares or just about anything and Sam would listen, he would be an ass but that's Sam Wilson for you, besides, they both enjoy getting on each other's nerves.

Bucky says to himself that it wouldn't be fair for Sam to deal with more of his shit, it wasn't his responsibility after all, and well that's not completely a lie.

However, and as per usual, the truth was more complicated.  Somehow along the way Bucky started to feel a little different when he was with Sam, and that something Bucky could not allow, whatever it was, wasn't worth the risk of ruining his relationship with Sam.

Bucky wasn’t overthinking this. He had been in love before, he’ve felt this way before, long time ago, and after all the shit his brain had been through Bucky won’t torture himself trying to deny it. He was in love with Sam Wilson, that’s hardly the worst sin he has ever committed.

But it scared him. 

Bucky has a complicated history of destruction. Since the moment Hydra put a finger on him, Barnes has been cursed. Sooner or later he would end up tearing apart everything he touches. Even when he was a victim of manipulation it was his hands the ones who pulled the trigger. 

It's why he is more comfortable working alone. 

So Bucky being Bucky did what he did the best. He went on his own way.

Of course that wouldn't work in the long run, because right now he and Sam were rolling up in some field after what could be considered one of their most embarrassing missions of their lives.

Right now Bucky is on top of Sam and he tries but fails at not to think too much about it. This is the first time in a while he has seen Sam in person and Bucky was not prepared for it -although he should have guessed they would meet again at some point-. This is also the closest Sam has ever got to him and Bucky can't help but staring at Sam's lips, he is really tempted to close the distance between them. He really hopes his killing stare -Sam's words not his- hides his true intentions.

So to summarize, they're sucked with each other until they get rid off of captain fiasco because even Tony's corpse can see that Walker doesn't deserve the shield and he would fuck up more sooner than later.

As if that wasn't bad enough they have the whole super soldier situation, Bucky understands better than anyone how dangerous that could be, so at the very least he was glad he wouldn't do this alone.

He feels that Sam is the same, ever since the airport incident, they got used to each other when things go down, and considering everything that has happened, it's good to know that hasn't changed.

Right now they needed information as soon as possible and if that means flying outside of the city so il would be. None of them said anything while they were on the plane, they were just sitting in front of each other in what could only be described as a staring contest. 

For a stranger's eyes it would look like they couldn't even tolerate each other. Fair enough, this was far away from being a lovely reunion. None of them were at their best and a part of Bucky wishes he could have been with Sam under better circumstances. 

And yes Bucky was a hypocrite because he had been ignoring Sam calls for a while.

"So are you going to avoid me here too?" The guy has to be a mind reader.

"I wasn't avoiding you" it wasn’t entirely a lie, Bucky didn’t start avoiding Sam until he realized their feelings for the other were more than just friendship. But he wasn’t planning on explaining that.  

Sam doesn't say anything and instead answers with a blank expression.

"It's nothing okay? I'm dealing with my own bullshit, nothing out of the ordinary" his voice betrayed him and reflected how tired he was. That didn't go unnoticed by Sam. "You should sleep a little Buck" he said, more calm now.

Of course Sam would worry, Bucky felt a little guilty about it. "I'm fine" he tried to lie. 

"Look, I know you're technically part cyborg but you really need to rest"

That's true, Bucky really wanted a rest, unfortunately that was not a possibility for him. The moment he closes his eyes his nightmares would haunt him and who knows what would happen next. 

Sam, always so annoyingly smart when it came to Bucky, "well I know I need some rest so that would be two avengers sleeping on a plane, nothing wrong with that isn't it?"

"Oh so you wanna sleep with me? At least take me to dinner, that used to be the way back in my days" Bucky jokes, feeling himself smirk against his will.

"Is that so? Well tell you this Barnes, you rest right now and after this I will take you to meet my family in Louisiana." 

Bucky can't help but laugh and now Sam is smiling too "Sure fine, but it's not like the rest part is going to happen" he tries to joke, at that Sam's eyes are full with empathy and moves next to Bucky. Then, with a calm tone he says "I assume it's because of the nightmares" at Bucky's panicked look he continues, "I remember, you used to have them in Wakanda and I doubt they have stopped, besides you know I have them too sometimes right?"

"Yeah maybe but it's not -"

"The same? Probably not, and I'm not saying I totally understand but trust me when I say I get it how it feels to not forgive yourself"

Bucky sights and closes his eyes "I can see them, every single one of them. All the people I tortured, that I killed. All the harm I have caused. I can't make amends for everything Sam but I'm trying it's just-" Bucky feels his voice break. He's not used to showing vulnerability. Bucky doesn’t understand why they are having this conversation in the first place so he hopes Sam drops the topic soon.

"Hey it's fine" it's not really "that was not you, you're a free man and you're a good man, a pain in my ass but a good man indeed" and now they're laughing again. Sam then pauses to take a deep breath, "I used to have someone you know? His name was Riley and…I was unable to help him" Bucky turned around to look at Sam, he was not prepared for the sadness in his eyes, for him Sam is one of the strongest people he knows so seeing him like this doesn’t feel right  "it was just a normal mission but I lost him forever, unable to do anything but watch. It's been years since that day but sometimes I still see him, you know?"

"Yeah I get it" Bucky wishes he could say more.

"What I'm trying to say is, the pain never goes away but, it does get better okay?"

Bucky gave him a sad smile, he was never good with words so he takes Sam hand in his -his metal hand giving their position but Sam isn't scared of the touch- trying to give some comfort and murmurs a silent "thank you".

It shouldn’t be this easy, he and Sam weren’t on the best terms and this is not the time or place for this kind or conversation, hell not even with his therapist he can be this honest.

But it is. 

Bucky allows himself to think for a second, he knows he isn't imagining what's going on, not when they were so casually joking about dates, not when Sam opened a little of his wounds for him, not with how Sam us interlocking their fingers and Bucky feel like maybe just maybe he can fall asleep and then wake up knowing this is real.

He will allow it. Once this is over he needs to talk with Sam and be honest about, well everything, luckily they're professionals so they should be able to figure this mess out in no time.

….

Turns out that Bucky couldn't be more wrong.

Big surprise.

Bucky didn't mean to be that honest with the "if he was wrong about you he was wrong about me" he didn't understand why Sam gave up the shield, Steve's legacy, in the first place, but he wanted to. Sam had been, and still is, very dear to him, Bucky really wanted to understand.

Now, he probably does. He should have realized sooner.

"This guy bothering you?"

"No he's not bothering me, do you know who this is?" Bucky was no stranger to anger, but it was different this time. He was an ex assassin, and even without Hydra out of the equation he was a dangerous man, but suddenly the man next to him was the threat?

"Oh God I'm so-" the sudden realization was clear on the man's face but that only hit Sam even deeper.

Of course, he was Sam Wilson, and that was the only reason they would leave him alone. That shouldn't be the case. Sam shouldn't be the exception. 

Sam's expression broke his heart and Bucky was trying to remember his no harm rule, because he couldn't even decide who to direct his frustrations to.

It wasn’t only the comparison to Steve Rogers, it was more than the country's expectations. This is what Sam was so afraid of. He knew what would happen and that was why he decided he couldn't be the next captain America. 

And not even once Bucky Barnes thought about it. He was just mad till the point his own disappointment blind him of the bigger picture, Sam at the end of the day, was a human just like him and there would be times where he would be overwhelmed by the situations around him.

Steve choosing him to be his successor was one of those things, and probably, as the idealistic he was, never considered what giving the shield would mean for Sam. All the pressure that he would put over Sam’s shoulders.

Bucky was ashamed of himself for taking so long to realize this. 

Sam was pissed to say the least, about their whole Zemo's situation, saying he didn't trust the guy would be an understatement but then Bucky and his "you put your life in risk for me once, I'm asking you to do it again" happened and Sam was a about to scream. Of course he would follow Bucky, even if he lied to him. 

It was embarrassing how weak Sam was for the guy, he doubted he would be able to deny Bucky anything if Barnes discovered the power he has over him.

Bucky did things to his brain, there was no other explanation, he wouldn't have agreed to this madness for someone else, no one could convince him of working -even if it was only temporary- with Zemo. But Barnes? Yeah Sam could do this if Bucky was the one who asked.

Which was a dangerous thing to do because Sam had a bad feeling about this. 

He was proven right when the plan involved using Bucky A.K.A the winter soldier as part of the negotiations. It was logical in theory, -although screw that, Sam was mad about the fact there was nothing else they could think- Madripoor was a dangerous place so they couldn't afford any risk. 

That didn’t mean Sam was okay with what was going on. 

"He would do whatever you want" Zemo's hands were on his face, wouldn't be the first time but Bucky prayed would be the last. Yes, getting Zemo out of jail has been his idea and yes he has promised Sam he knew what he was doing. That didn’t mean he was happy about their current situation. If anything, he hated everything about this. Bucky Barnes was not weak and he wouldn't break character over something so small but he wished more than anything for this to be over.

Enough Sam wanted to scream.

He knew Zemo didn't see Bucky as a person but more like a toy that once belonged to him. Yes they might be out of options but honestly Sam wanted Zemo as far away from Bucky as it was possible. 

His discontent must have shown cause the bastard kept talking.

"You should try it" Zemo dared to say "he will comply without question" he says in a voice so low that only Sam would hear. He was teasing his patience Sam didn’t answer but the look he gave to Zemo was enough for him to finally leave "as you please".

Things were going fine until they weren't, Sam was ashamed to admit it was his fault -technically it was Sarah’s fault, but who cares- and now they were running for their lives, what else what’s new.  

"You good?" Bad timing but Sam couldn't help himself, he needed to know.

Bucky gave him a small nood and Sam guessed it would be the best he could get.

…

Later, at Sharon's -because now she was involved, as if things weren't already complicated enough-, Bucky finally had some time to breathe, he needed to process everything and most importantly, they have to figure out what to do now. 

"Hey man"

Bucky didn't hear Sam arrive and definitely didn't feel when Sam got so close to him, -he has this effect on him-. The couch was big enough yet Sam chose to be right next to him. It reminded Bucky of the time with his therapist considering how their tights were -once again- touching each other.

"Hey"

"You good?" Sam asked for a second time that night.

"Yeah" at Sam's raised eyebrow Bucky sights and adds "better now" hoping that finally calms him down.

Sam got closer, if that was even possible, and looked right to his eyes, raised his hand and slowly caressed Bucky's face and he melted to the touch, "he had no right to touch you".

"It has been worse" wrong thing to say judging by how Sam's expression tensed, but Bucky didn't have energy to try and pretend, today has been a walk in the park compared to other things he had done.

Although it was a little scary how easy it had been for him to play the role. He was free, sure but maybe a part of him will always be the winter soldier.

Sam might have been thinking the same judging by the look on his face.

"Don't do that" 

"What?"

"Pity me" he hated that feeling, he always did and right now it was the last thing he wanted.

"I don't, I'm just mad at Zemo for getting in your head again" 

Bucky smiled a little "it's not like before, his words don't affect me and besides" he paused for s second "I wasn't alone " the last part was a little too much honesty but it made Sam relax and that was everything Bucky needed.

"Glad to be of service" it might be Bucky's fatigue getting the worst of him, but he swears Sam's voice dropped an octave.

Bucky would blame the exhaustion they were currently feeling but there was no reason for them to keep looking at each other, there was no reason for Sam to be so close to him. This was beyond mere concern.

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Please stop me if I'm reading this wrong" 

Sam's hand is still on his face and before Bucky has a chance to ask Sam's lips are on his, and Bucky swears his brain shortcuts for a second. It starts slow, Sam us giving him time to move back if he doesn't want this. 

As if.

Once Bucky remembers how to breathe he closes his eyes and kisses Sam back. It's sweet, something so out of place for a murderer like him but Bucky doesn't care, for once in his life he wants to be a little selfish and have something for himself. To prove his point, his hand -the human one- moves to the back of Sam's neck, and Bucky swears he feels Sam's smile, Bucky allows himself to enjoy every second of this, it’s the first kiss he has had in a long time and he hopes it won’t be the last. Although that would hardly be the case considering how much Sam seems to be pleased by this.

Good to know they're on the same page.

They get back for a second just to catch some air, none of them moving or staring away from each other.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that" Sam says and Bucky lets a small laugh out.

"That's supposed to be my line"

Now Sam is the one laughing, "really?"

"Yeah" and it's the last warning Sam gets before Bucky is kissing him again.

They need to talk about this, about them. But right now Bucky can only think about the taste of Sam’s lips on his.

This time feels a little rougher than before, Sam moves his hand from Bucky's face to his hair  and when he feels a vibranium arm around his waist Sam leaves a small moan out.

Bucky is smirking so Sam pulls his hair a little and is rewarded with a groan. They try to get closer to each other if that's even possible so Bucky makes himself comfortable and sits over Sam, the movement forcing them to change their positions a little cause Sam is lying down on the couch, Bucky opens his eyes just for a minute, he wants to remember every expression on the other face, he closes them again so he can focus on the sensations. Bucky can’t get drunk anymore -not since whatever Hydra did to him- but he’s sure that’s how it is, a feeling of dizziness and not being able to concentrate on anything else. Sam is a great kisser not wasting any time, using his hand to hold Bucky in place while putting his tongue into his mouth to explore and Bucky just lets him. 

“Sam” he says while biting the other’s lip. He has thought about kissing him more times than he’s willing to admit but nothing compares to the real thing.

It’s terrifying how Sam has ruined him without even trying. There is no way in hell Bucky can be back to normal after this. Bucky moves his hands, touching Sam everywhere he can. 

It would be so easy to get lost in the feeling.

It’s a bad idea, Zemo or Sharon or who knows could enter the room anytime, besides, they are supposed to be on a mission, that’s the whole reason of why they traveled to Madripoor in the first place, not that any of that is a priority in Bucky’s mind at the moment.  Apparently Sam is a little more rational than him cause now he Sam is pulling Bucky’s hair with a little more force than necessary and -while Bucky really liked it and definitely wants to feel it again- that's what finally makes them stop. 

Buck lets a curse out when they pull apart and he’s wonderstruck by the view in front of him. Sam’s eyes are looking at him with such hunger that Bucky wants nothing but to kiss him again and let Sam take control of whatever that could happen next. 

He really doubts any of them would be able to stop if they start kissing again, Bucky hears something outside, someone moving, it's not coming closer to the room but it’s a gentle reminder that they are not alone.    

They are just staring at each other trying to calm their breathing, and none of them dares to move or say anything. Sam is usually the one who breaks the silence between them, so maybe that’s why Bucky decides to do the opposite this time.

“You look good under me” of course it would be better if Bucky’s tongue and brain were synchronized. 

“Perhaps, but I wouldn’t mind changing if you are open to the possibility” It’s a blessing Sam hasn’t freaked out by Bucky's terrible attempt to lighten the mood.

He chuckles now that Sam seems to be more relaxed “I am but I mean what I said on the plane” Bucky finally moves and helps Sam to get up so they are their original positions, just two guys sitting on a couch “take a guy to a date first”.

“Says the one was straddling me a minute ago” 

“Shut up” if Bucky is bushing Sam doesn’t mention it.

Sam laughs “and to think we could have been doing this a long ago” it was said as a joke but Bucky hears the surprise in his tone. Bucky wants this -whatever they are going to call it- so he will be honest but he needs to be sure.

“I” he tries to start, he doesn’t know how to explain I was ignoring you because I realized I’m in love with you and I was afraid of screwing everything “ I was scared I guess. People usually end up getting hurt because of me” that was an understatement, even now he was hesitant about making amends for everyone he owned. 

“I was scared too” at that Bucky’s gaze meets Sam’s again.

“You didn’t know if Steve and you were a thing or whatever but it didn’t seem like you wanted me around if he wasn’t there”

Bucky can’t be mad at Sam for this. He did the same. Steve was what kept them together. However he feels the need to correct Sam about something.

“We weren’t a thing” Sam doesn’t look convinced so before he says something Bucky continues “we liked each other if that’s what you mean but it was the forties so it wasn’t a possibility for us. Then, as you can imagine, a lot changed. Neither he or I were the same and we realized it wouldn't work ” they tried of course, it would be a lie saying they didn’t and yes Bucky still loved Steve but he didn’t want a relationship like he did before, deep down inside him he just wanted to be alone. It took him a long time to really think about it and decide he wanted to try again.

But by the time that had happened Bucky had already fallen for someone else. Someone who didn’t look at the past, someone who never acted like he was someone else, someone who trusted him without having any real reason, someone so incredible annoying that make Bucky orbiting around him, someone kind and gentle who only saw the más he was today, the person Bucky was trying to be.

Someone who Bucky wanted to love but didn’t know how.

“I didn’t know it you wanted me” Sam said it so quietly that Bucky almost misses it. He is sure he wasn’t supposed to hear. It’s unnatural to hear such doubt from someone so confident as Sam. 

It gave Bucky the courage to finally confess what had consumed him for a while “I want to be with you for as long as you let me. When I realized this I panicked and well that’s when I thought it would be better, safer, if I stayed away from you”. 

Sam doesn’t answer. He is just looking at him like he was the most precious treasure in the world. Which is adorable but is also more sentimentalism than Bucky can handle for a night so he feels the need to add “Are you still gonna take me on a date?” he murmurs because he’s not sure what else to say.

Bucky isn’t good with words and he is not the most honest person either, so he hopes Sam can truly understand what he is trying to say. He wants Sam. He wants a chance to be with him. Bucky is sure this is not how this is supposed to work, they probably are skipping a lot of steps while mixing other ones but well, they have never done things the conventional way have they?

 “I mean what I said too Barnes, don’t think I forget” Sam finally says and Bucky is about to ask until he remembers.

It was a promise. A new start.

.

There was blood on the shield. Steve had gone to hell and back with that shield, he had fought wars with that shield and not even once had it been stained with red.

It felt unreal, something out of a nightmare.

Bucky and Sam didn't share a word, they couldn't, not after seeing the legacy of their best friend be corrupted. They were unable to stop this madness -that was on Walker, Bucky swears Sam would have been able to succeed if it only were the two of them- so the least they could do, the least Sam could do was to get that shield back and finally accomplish the favor Steve had asked from him.

Sam wasn't sure if he was ready, not considering everyone's expectations, but he knew Steve trusted him for a reason and it was time to prove him right.

He believes in change and he can aspire to be a symbol of it. 

Sam decides that from now on this would be his goal. A new meaning for the title that was given to him.

And he would be more than proud to show it.

.

There is a lot on the line, Karly is about to make a move and Sam would make his debut. Which is exactly why he chose this moment to visit his family first. 

He just needs time at home and with everything that's going on he truly missed them, he has to be sure that everyone is fine.

What he did not expect is for Bucky fucking Barnes to show up appearing out of nowhere making himself at home and then helping him with his beloved ship.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks with the biggest smile on his face

"You invited me remember?"

"Didn't think you would accept"

"I told you I was serious. Also take this" 

"You brought me a bouquet?"

"The cake was for your family I wanted to make a good impression, but you told me this was a date, and back in my days we used to have flowers"

Sam is out of words. He took the bouquet unable to say anything else and knowing his family will torture him with questions later -he bet Sarah is already looking at him ready for an interrogation-

What happened with Mr. I'm scared to make a move.

He will ask later, for now he's going to enjoy this because never in a million years he thought he would see Bucky in his house playing with his nephews as if they have known each other their whole lives.

The kids even called him uncle Bucky and that hit Sam like a brick. It felt too domestic, too beautiful and Sam was smiling like an idiot the whole time.

He truly was in love with Bucky and he wanted this to become their new normal.

.

Turns out Barnes was not out of surprises.

"We're the flowers not enough?"

"Just shut up and open your eyes when I tell you to do it"

Sam would have rolled his eyes if he could.

"Fine, now"

In front of him there was a briefcase, or so it looked like, Sam was curious and so he opened it. It was his gift after all.

But he was not prepared for what he saw.

"Bucky this is it-"

"Don't gave me credit for it" he interrupted "I asked the wakandians for a favor in exchange for Zemo and they agreed once I told them is was for you"

Sam was barely paying attention, too focused on the amazing man next to him.

"The new captain America needs his suit am I right so-" Bucky was unable to continue as Sam was grabbing him by the hip and then smashed their lips together. Bucky is definitely going to get addicted to this.

"You will be death of me" Sam says and Bucky agrees, the feeling is mutual

.

This is it. Their final step on their mission of taking down the Flag Smashers, it doesn't end up as they planned and it’s a disgrace that Karly, who was trying to fight for the right reasons -even if it wasn’t with the right methods-, has been murdered but the only person Bucky can think about right now is Sam.

Sam, who is descending with his new wings in all his glory as the angel he is. 

Sam, who decided to keep fighting even after all this time.

Sam, who is using the title he was given to open his heart and give others an opportunity to believe in change. Bucky can only listen knowing how much weight is behind every word.

Sam who gave him something to believe in.

“Nice speech. Not like hear everything, just something about stars and stripes” is a silly lie and they both know it.

“You were great there cap” is the only he can say. But it doesn't matter, Sam understands everything he means.

“You too Buck” the smile Sam gives him in return is doing things to his brain. 

He truly wishes he could kiss him right now but Bucky knows better than to steal Sam’s moment. 

Besides, he knows he can have the Captain America for himself later. It’s his little privilege.

……

They agreed to keep it a secret. They don't really care if someone else knows, but they guessed that with Sam being Captain America and Bucky running for Congress, it might not be the best moment to make their relationship public. 

They aren't exactly hiding it either -there was even one time where Jessica, Bucky’s assistant caught them making out, it was uncomfortable but at least it was clear she was a reliable woman so none of them were truly worried-. They are just trying to balance their personal and professional lives, and for the most part, they're doing great. 

They even moved in together. It was something relatively recent and they are still getting used to it, especially when -thanks to their jobs- they didn’t see each other that often. A challenge, but something they would do together.

It works for them and no matter how busy they are, they always make time for them and them alone.

Bucky -or better said Mr. Barnes now- campaign was going better than expected and Sam is amazing as Captain America, and despite all the comparisons between him and Steve Rogers -something that would be inevitable and Sam knew that from the beginning- he is honestly proud of himself.

Life is good.

Maybe too good to last.

Which is probably why Sam is currently outside of an operating room, while Torres is unconscious. Sam didn't want to but his thoughts were on Riley and how that one wrong mission was the end of everything. 

Sam hated being helpless but it was the only word he could use to describe the panic of being completely useless again. Not even his wings or the shield allowed him to save the people he loves.

"It's a private room, go away"

"Missed you too" 

"I hate to admit it, but I'm glad you're here"  then they hugged each other and Sam was finally able to breathe again. He could always trust Bucky to pick him up when he was falling apart.

"You looked good out there on that 6 o'clock"

Really smooth Barnes.

Bucky means it, he will never get tired of seeing his partner in action. 

“But then I saw this”

"Doctors had to restart his heart. They don't know if-" Sam couldn't finish. He didn’t even want to think about it. But he couldn’t ignore the reality when it was right in front of him. This was his fault.

"This isn't your fault” Bucky rushed to say. There was something about Sam that Bucky had learned not so ong after meeting him, Sam would always put too much on his shoulders.

"It makes me think of Steve” Bucky knew it would come to this “How many alien invasions did he stop, again?" 

"Two" but he wasn’t alone, Bucky wants to add. He doesn’t, he lets Sam keep talking.

"Two. Wow. What made me think I could follow that?” 

He pauses for a second but before Bucky has the chance to say anything, he hears something that freezes him in the spot.

“I should’ve taken the serum, like Steve, like you."

"Why?" This was new. Not even once Sam has mentioned something like this.

"Because this is all starting to seem much bigger than me. Ross, he asked me to restart the Avengers, Buck” Bucky doesn’t know how he should react to the news -he’s sure this is classified information-, Ross himself was one of the reasons the Avengers fell apart in the first place, he can’t imagine how Sam must feel.

“But Joaquin's in here. Isaiah's in prison. And Sterns, I had him. Right in my hands, and he got away. He damn near pushed us to the brink of war, because I wasn't-"

Sam pauses again, unable to continue.

"Say what you need to say" Bucky demands, tone calm but firm. He needs to hear it, to know everything inside Sam’s head.

"Steve made a mistake."

“No, he didn't” Bucky didn’t hesitate. Long ago he had thought something similar. If he was wrong about you then he was wrong about me . But not anymore, and he would do everything in his power to remind Sam how special he truly was.

“He gave you that shield, not because you're the strongest, but because you're you. You think if you had that serum, you'd be able to protect all the people you care about? Steve had it, and he couldn't” he tried of course, but the serum wasn’t enough “You're a human being and you're doing your best. Steve gave people something to believe in, but you? you give them something to aspire to."

It’s the simplest of the truths. Sam Wilson’s strength was something no serum could ever recreate. He would repeat it every day if he had to until Sam believed him. Luckily, it seems it won’t be necessary.

"Did your speech writers help you with that?" there it was. There was the confidence in Sam’s eyes Bucky loved so much.

"They did, yeah, the ending, a little bit. Well, did you like it? Was it-?"

"No no, it was good, a solid B plus"

“Yeah. Emotional"

"Very. I felt it"

They were back at their comfort zone. Just the two of them.

"But just enough" Sam smiled at him and got closer to kiss him. It was subtle and sweet -they might not be completely alone-, and it was what Bucky needed to be sure Sam would be okay.

“I have a flight to catch. I have a campaign fundraiser. It's so stupid” honestly the last thing Bucky wanted was to leave but he didn’t have a choice, he had already risked a lot by coming here -he was sure Jessica would kill him but he couldn't bring himself to care- it was in moment like this when he regretted his choice of work.

“It 's fine. I get it”

“Yeah so… ” Bucky considers his words for a second, then he looks at Joaquin and tries to offer a bit of solace “he's gonna be alright”

“I hope so. Thanks Buck, for everything”

“Yeah it’s nothing” Bucky was about to leave but he wanted to say something else first. 

“I love you” It came to him just as naturally as breathing, Bucky didn’t realize until the words left their mouth out.

They didn’t say it often -not that directly at least-. They usually let their actions speak for them and Bucky in particular struggles to put in words how much Sam means to him, so Bucky isn’t sure of what possessed him at that moment but he can’t take it back now. Well it’s not like he wants to.

Bucky starts walking again when Sam grabs him by the arm and shoves him against the closest wall he found. He kisses senseless and Bucky can barely follow, he puts his arms around Sam’s neck while he closes his eyes.

Sam stops but doesn’t move an inch “say it again” and he asks with such tenderness that it almost sounds like a prayer.

“I love you” he repeats because who is he to deny Sam anything. Sam’s smile gets wider, if that’s even possible, and he grabs Bucky’s face with both hands, the touch is kind but desperate at the same time, as if he was scared Bucky would vanish between his fingers.

Sam is kissing him again and this time Bucky is able to correspond.

“Bucky I love you, I truly do” Sam says between pauses, he moves from Bucky’s lips to his jaw and then his neck.

Bucky would kill for staying here longer. Seriously, why the hell did he become a congressman. 

“Hey” he tries “you know I don’t want to but I truly need to leave” 

Sam finally takes some mercy on him so he stops and kisses his forehead, a small apology, “yeah sorry, you just caught me out of guard”

“When I don’t”

Sam leaves a small chuckle out “True. Look do you think that later, after everything is over and Torres finally wakes up we could go out? Not like captain America and congressman Bares, just you and me”

Bucky smiles like the adorable idiot he is “yes of course” he took Sam’s hand in his and gives it a caste kiss, is barely a touch of lips “I’ll bring you flowers”

This time Bucky finally leaves and Sam misses him already.

But it 's fine.

He knows they will be just fine.