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Chip takes a sharp inhale of smoke that engulfs the room. He coughs as the feeling of his lungs being filled by something so toxic overwhelms him. He already knows what’s the cause of it, and he already knows that it means bad news.
He’d been out too long, or he’d been doing something wrong and his “older brother” finally found out. That or, well, he was smoking like his life depended on it. Would it hurt to open a window or something? Chip could only assume that Reuben just didn’t want to open one. He was just like that.
Judging by the silence, he knew it was likely that his “brother” was only after passing out or something of the likes. It was too quiet for him to possibly be awake and being noisy. Don’t get him wrong, Chip loved Reuben, arguably more than he loved himself, but he was always so.. well, loud. He was abrasive and loud, like he’d had no care at all in the world.
Why should he? He had nobody to hold him down, to keep him chained to a regular and normal behaviour.
Part of Chip thinks, “Hey, he’s only a year older. Someone needs to be responsible and it should be him!” but another part thinks, “He’s only a year older, he shouldn’t need to be so responsible yet.”
He snakes through their place of living, careful to avoid stepping or hitting off of somebody else. It was obvious that, like most times, Reuben had his friends, his ‘crew’ as he called them, over. And like the most times, they were buzzed.
Chip only knew them for getting high and being so loud at the worse hours.
He could ignore it though. It was life, people did these things!
The boy managed to worm his way into the makeshift bedroom he had (It was really just a little worn room in the warehouse, a somewhat cosy blanket and his own personal belongings scattered in corners. It was simple, but it was comforting.) and sat on the floor. He didn’t want to do much, really, he was tired.
He slowly drifts off, and not long after he’s awoken by yelling and something was smashing and being shattered. Well, Price was awake now. He knew that much.
The boy peers out the worn room, and catches sight of his “brother”’s explosive behaviour. His braided hair flicks as he angrily turns, as he kicks and hits and screams. Chip doesn’t wince. He’s no stranger to this behaviour, but it would always give him some startle at first. His eyes focus on how there’s less smoke clouding the room, and how Reuben looks ready to kill a man.
He normally did have that expression, but it was clearer now.
The older’s deep purple eyes dart around for the next target of his rage, of whatever made him so angry. His eyes meet Chip’s own, and Chip swears that his face seemed to turn into something more sinister than his rage and anger filled one.
The direct eye contact makes him freeze. His body is screaming to run, his heart wants to trust that his sibling figure will calm down, and his brain is screaming to hide and retreat.
However, he watches as his “brother” lets out a monstrous grunt and laugh. He wasn’t a monster, but the noises he made sometimes were concerning. How could a human make themselves sound so horrifying when they just weren’t like that?
Sure, at times, Reuben was vindictive, snappy, and selfish. Most times he yelled and screamed, but he would always apologise after! Maybe a little bit too late afterwards, but it would still be an apology nonetheless. Sometimes, he’d be so quiet! So it made the yelling seem like.. Well, nothing.
The purple eyes never falter from his now shaking figure, and Chip is still frozen, like he could do nothing at all, like he was stuck to meet this fate.
“Got something to say, Chip?!”
Reuben’s words are dripping in an unmentioned hatred and disdain. He’s just barely slurring them together and he’s staggering closer. That want and need to run and hide overtakes the want to trust his “brother” and near instantly, Chip makes a move to run, to get out. He needed to get away from Reuben while he was like this, because realistically, anything could happen while he was like this.
The younger makes a run, hoping that maybe because of his state, Reuben wouldn’t be able to grab him if he ran by.
His sibling figure was frail. He looked too skinny to be alive, nearly, it was almost inhuman. But that wasn’t to say he was probably one of the toughest people that Chip knew. Besides, Chip wasn’t that much bigger than Reuben.
He can feel relief as he thinks he made it past the other, but yelps as a tug brings him down to the floor hard. The air is gone from his chest and he wants to curl up and heave to catch his breath. Instantly, his “brother” is hovering over him like flies to an animal carcass.
“Reu, get off of me!” He flails and whines. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared of him right now.
A scrawny hand finds his hair, grabs, and smashed his head against the cool ground. Chip’s whines became screams. “You got your no good bastard hands on my damn shit!”
Chip didn’t.
The cause of this sudden meltdown was all too familiar; it happened way more often than it should. Someone finished whatever stash Reuben had, Reuben presumed it was Chip, and beat him senseless for it.
People feared his “brother”, and this was the reason for it. People feared his brother, because his “brother” wanted people to fear him. His outbursts scared people, and it used to scare Chip. But eventually being a punching bag wasn’t as terrifying when it’s every so often. He knew what was coming everytime.
But right now, logic was out the window, and Chip was scared.
“Reuben, I didn’t touch anythin’!”
His pleas were met with another slam to the ground, and he swears he could see stars for a split second. He’s pulled upwards harshly, and pulled closer towards a heavily breathing (and, a really repulsing smell of cigarettes) Reuben Price. He’s panting like a dog. He wasn’t able to do much while rocked off his shit, this just proved that.
“You’re one filthy fucking liar, aren’t you?” Reuben spat, “You can’t even do that right.”
His words hurt. But Chip would get over it.
He always did.
“That’s what family does,” Reuben told him once. He told him that no matter what, family got over it and everything would be fine. So, Chip believed him. Why wouldn’t he? He was his brother.
His head is slammed back down, and the scrawny hands move from his hands to his throat. He was practically clawing and squeezing the life out of Chip. Chip tried to push him away, but he couldn’t. You’d think it’d be easy, but it wasn’t. He just kept squeezing and squeezing, and Chip’s vision slowly began to darken as he gasped and keened for a breath.
—
Long after, he wakes up. His head is spinning and he can still see stars. He can feel someone’s arms wrapped loosely around him. Chip didn’t need to look to know who it was. Reuben’s arm was around him, and his hand was playing with a strand of the younger’s hair.
Chip can feel his breathing pick up, and near instantly, Reuben notices.
“You’re awake.” He sounds shocked, as if he wasn’t expecting him to wake.
“Yeah.. ‘m awake,”
Chip can feel a dryness in his mouth. He felt sick. He felt horrible and sick and really, he just wanted to keel over and throw up anything he’s eaten at all. Reuben’s other hand rubs his arm with such care. It’s nothing new.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
And here it comes. “You know I didn’t mean it.”
‘I didn’t mean it’ was always what Reuben said to Chip after he blew up. Chip always knew there was an “I didn’t mean it” to everything Reuben did that could be questioned. “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “I didn’t mean to do that”, it just got tiring after a while. Always, Chip had said that he’d stay mad.
“I didn’t mean it” just wasn’t a good excuse anymore.
But sometimes Chip can’t turn down family like that.
“It hurts.” The words roll from his tongue like it was just muscle memory.
“I just got upset, and you know I never mean it, right?” The older drags his ‘apology’ out. “It’s just what’s best.”
It was never what’s best. It never would be, it never will be. Sometimes he’ll excuse what he does with ‘I was protecting you’, when in reality it was the exact opposite of that.
“It wasn’t what’s best though, Reuben,”
Chip’s voice is weak. He’s just so.. exhausted.
“I could’ve done worse. The least you can do is say ‘thank you’.”
Reuben’s voice is scolding and stern. He sounds so angry to Chip for reasons he didn’t even know.
“Thank you.”
But the younger is scared. He doesn’t like the idea of being worse right now. He doesn’t like the idea that he’d be hurt. So maybe all he should say was thank you. Maybe it’d make him less mad, less angry at god knows what.
“I love you, Chip.”
“I love you too, Reuben..”
“Don’t let this change how you see me, yeah? I could’ve..”
“..done worse, I know. Thank you for not.”
“You’re welcome.”
But Chip didn’t know how much more of this he could handle. It was just one hint, one idea in his mind that he needed to get out and he needed to never look back. He needed out, he needed Reuben out of his life. But not right now.
Not while he’s holding him close, mumbling reassurances that aren’t at all soothing. Who knows if he’d ever see this affection again if he were to leave?