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You won’t believe it if someone is about to go because it feels impossible.
It feels like they’ll be there beside you forever where you can reach across the seat and intertwine your fingers. Their hand will feel warm and sweaty because the heat is getting too much and they’ve been walking for a long time even if they had finally found a car to go across the fields. The winds would be blowing loudly as our voices sang louder to our song in the car. When the car breaks down, we start to walk again with each step having a crackle due to the gravel beneath their feet. Her laughter feels genuine and loud with each house they pass and make stories about. One has two families while the other is a sanctuary for lost kids. She’ll keep making me believe that people are nice. Even the ones we cross as we travel across the state. Her smile and her kindness were always profound. It changed my bitter heart before the world was ending. When everything felt uneasy and scary around me. Her words and confidence made me believe that things would be okay. No matter the nightmares and screams that rang through the streets at night or day. As long as she was there then nothing felt that horrible. That they’ll stay long enough to watch the world end fully.
It feels so impossible when her bones start to brittle and her memory gets short.
I don’t want to believe it, but there she is with her head wrapped in gauze to block the image of those floating particles. They’re mocking me with those beautiful stars and wonderful colours. The sight of them now made me sick just looking up at the sky and seeing the things she loved up there taking her away from me. I don’t want to let go so I keep walking and walking until her voice starts to fade away into the clouds. Those small smiles and dazed eyes made me feel so strangled and lost. Only because it felt like I was already seeing her be taken away while she still laughed and shared those jokes.
I wished and hoped that every gauze and every promise would make her stay with me longer. I didn’t want her to leave when we still had so many memories to make.
I don’t know how to end this without saying that it still feels so impossible that she's gone. After so many months she disappeared and I said goodbye. I still want to say goodbye again and again just so I can see her face again and hear her happy laughter, I want to hold her hand and talk to her about the things we should do or make funny stories about the houses we pass. I don’t want to believe it even if I’m alone in this cabin. I miss her so much.
Goodbye, Mic. Again.