Chapter Text
“Smoke inhalation and like a lifetime of nightmare fuel”
Lucy lays in her bed, staring up at the ceiling as the events of the last few days play through her mind. Her and Tim trapped in the fire. James being shot, almost dying, while they worked to track down the man who pulled the trigger. She had gotten no more than an hour of sleep in the last forty eight hours but she couldn’t turn her mind off. Couldn’t get the thoughts out of her brain, how close she and Tim actually were to death, his words under that shelter, the way he clung to her in what could have been their last moments. How safe she felt in those moments despite the fire raging around them.
She rolls over in her bed, closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths to try to convince her body to sleep. After a few minutes she opens her eyes again and lets out a sigh. She should be exhausted, she should be passed out by now, but its like her body knows the moment she drifts off the nightmares will come.
She picks up her phone to check the time. 11:15pm. She knows Celina is passed out, the events of the last few days catching up to her. She climbs out of bed, thinking she will make herself a cup of her favorite tea to help her relax, maybe put on a mind numbing reality show to help her disassociate from her reality.
As she places the kettle on the stove she hears her phone ping signaling a text message. She grabs it and is surprised to see Tim’s name.
Tim Bradford: You up?
She smiles slightly before typing out her reply.
Lucy Chen: I am. Making some tea to relax. You can't sleep either?
She watches the three little dots pop up, then disappear, then pop up again.
Tim Bradford: My house is still a mess. I’ve been cleaning up since I got home. Genny took Kojo for the night and the house is quiet without him.
Lucy lets out a sigh. In the craziness of the last few days she had forgotten that Tim’s house had been ransacked. He almost died, then went into sergeant mode to catch James’ killer and then had to go home to deal with the mess.
Before she can overthink it she turns off the stove, removes the kettle and heads to her room. She pulls on a pair of leggings and one of Tim’s oversized shirts that she kept then moves to grab her keys and in a matter of minutes she is in her car, driving the familiar path to Tim’s house.
*******
Twenty minutes later she is knocking on his front door. He opens it, surprise written on his face as he sees her standing there.
“Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t sleep. You need help cleaning up. I figured some mind numbing task might help me clear my mind so I might be able to sleep at some point.”
He nods his head then moves aside to let her in. She steps inside, a feeling of calm washing over her instantly as she brushes past Tim.
“So, where do you want me to start?”
He shuts the front door then turns to her, she notices his eyes drag up her body, his eyes widening when he sees the faded LAPD shirt that he knows is his.
He clears his throat, “Why don’t you work in the kitchen? They went through all my cabinets looking for stuff. You know where everything goes. I’m gonna work here in the living room.”
She nods, “Sounds like a plan.”
They work in silence, a comforting silence, the only sounds filling the house are the clunks and clatters as they place things back in their rightful place. Lucy works diligently, focusing on placing all of Tim’s things back in their space. As she works she allows her eyes to wander, they always seem to land on Tim. She thinks of his words, “Of course I still love you. Do you?”
In the moment she said it didn’t matter, she didn’t want to say it because that would mean admitting defeat, admitting that they weren’t going to make it out, that they were going to die under that fire shelter, wrapped in each other's arms. She also knew it wouldn’t fix things. Of course she still loves him, love has never been their problem. He is the first man she’s ever really truly loved, and she desperately wants him to be the last. But it still doesn’t fix their problems, doesn’t fix the fact that he walked away, that he shattered her heart into a million pieces.
She is so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice Tim has finished cleaning up the living room, doesn’t notice him moving to the kitchen until he is standing right in front of her with an amused look on his face.
“You ok there Chen? You look a little distracted.”
She shakes out of her thoughts then shoots him a look, “I’m good. Almost finished up here.”
He moves around her and she watches him fill the kettle with water and place it on the stove, then he turns, grabs two mugs from the cabinet and a pack of her favorite tea, the one she always kept here.
“Have you been drinking my tea Bradford?”
He chuckles, “It actually helps me relax a little at the end of the night. Maybe a cup will help both of us get some sleep tonight.”
She glances at the time, she’s been here for over an hour, it's nearing one in the morning. They both have the day off tomorrow but she knows she should go home, knows that they are entering dangerous territory if she stays any longer. But she doesn’t want to leave, she feels calm here, she feels at peace, she feels safe.
So she moves to settle on the couch, she closes her eyes and listens as Tim moves around the kitchen making their tea. A few minutes later she hears his footsteps approaching and opens her eyes to find him standing in front of her, his arm outstretched offering her a mug.
She takes it, wraps her hands around the warm ceramic and inhales for a moment, letting the scent relax her. She feels the couch dip as Tim sits down next to her and she turns her head to look at him. His head is thrown back, resting against the back of the couch, mug in one hand, the other resting at his side. His eyes are closed and Lucy finds herself studying the lines on his face, the lines that she used to trace with her fingers as they lay in bed together in the mornings. The lines that show how much he has been through, how much he has survived, how hard he has fought.
She thinks back to his words, “Of course I still love you. Do you?” Thinks back to how he took her in his arms, cradled her head and whispered words of encouragement in her ear as the fire raged around them. It was the second scariest moment of her life, and both times, Tim had been there. A strong, steady presence, comforting her, grounding her, saving her.
In that moment she knows exactly what he needs, and even though she’s still hurt, still confused, she knows she wants to give it to him. A bit of hope that tells him not to give up, to keep fighting, to keep showing up.
“I do. Of course I do.” She whispers softly into the silence.
He lifts his head and looks over to her, confusion clouding his eyes, “You do what?”
She gives him a soft smile, “The question you asked me under that fire shelter? Yes, I do.”
She watches his eyes, sees the moment he realizes what she means, his eyes widening in surprise and his lips twitching up at the corners.
He lets out a breath, “Yeah?”
She nods, “Yes Tim.”
He breaks out into a wide grin, Lucy can see the tension melting out of his body.
“That doesn’t mean everything is fixed. I meant what I said in the hospital. I want to focus on my career. Want to get back on the right path, want to work toward that promotion. But, like you said, if I pass you won’t be my supervisor anymore. That takes care of one of our issues.”
He nods, “I get it. You deserve it Lucy. You will be an amazing sergeant. And I meant what I said, I will gladly help you study, or help you in whatever way I can, whatever you need.”
“I hear you have some excellent books on tape that I could borrow.”
He laughs, “Yeah. This pain in the ass rookie I had made them for me when I was studying for my exam.”
She reaches across and slaps his arm, “Excuse me. You were the pain in the ass. I took time out of my busy schedule to record those for you. I am the main reason you passed that exam Sergeant Bradford.”
“You’re right. I never would have passed without your help. If I recall correctly, I did say thank you.”
“First time I ever heard Tim Bradford say those words.”
They stare at each other for a few moments, the silence enveloping them before Lucy speaks again.
“I didn’t want to say it under the shelter because it felt like giving up, like admitting defeat, that we weren’t going to make it out of there. But after the last forty eight hours I want you to know that I do still love you Tim. That has never been a question. I’ve been angry, hurt, confused, but I never stopped loving you. It’s nice to know you still love me too.”
He looks over at her, regret washing over his face, “Lucy, I am so sorry that you ever felt like I didn’t. I regret so many things. I regret walking away that night and not letting you in and I regret every moment after that you have felt like I didn’t love you. I have always loved you, that was never the problem. I just didn’t love myself, so I ruined the best thing in my life, as a punishment to myself. I didn’t think I deserved anything good in my life when I had destroyed so many lives. I didn’t even realize the self destruction spiral I was in until I started therapy and started unpacking everything. And its hard but I’m still going, still working on myself because I want to feel worthy, worthy of all the good in my life, worthy of being loved by you.”
Lucy feels the tears swimming in her eyes as she listens to Tim lay everything out for her, finally telling her everything she had wanted to hear since the breakup. All she ever wanted was to understand why he walked away, why she wasn’t good enough for him to stay. But now she realizes, it wasn’t about her at all, it was about Tim not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy.
She scoots closer to him on the couch, her leg pressing up against his as she takes his face in her hands and tilts his head to look at her, “You are worthy Tim Bradford, and I am so proud of you for getting the help you need so you can realize that. Never forget that I am proud of you, that you are a good man, that you deserve all the good this world has to offer. I see your growth, I see your openness, I see you healing. Don’t give up.”
His eyes fill with tears as he brings a hand up to cover hers on his face, “Thank you. It hasn’t been easy, but I know it will be worth it.”
She pulls her hands away to wipe her tears but doesn’t move back to her spot on the couch, instead she curls into his side and rests her head on his chest. His arm moves automatically to curl around her and they sit like that for a few minutes before she breaks the silence.
“So we take these next few months, I focus on the sergeants exam, you focus on your therapy. We heal ourselves so then we can work on healing together. And I take you up on your offer to help me study, because I’ll probably need a lot of help.”
He laughs, she feels it rumble in his chest before he begins to cough, still feeling the effects of the smoke that had filled his lungs.
“That sounds like a perfect plan. I promise I’m not going to screw it up this time. My priorities are clear. No more running.”
“Good. So after I get the results of my sergeants exam you can take me out to dinner. Our third first date.”
He pulls her closer and she feels him press a kiss to her hair, “Our last first date.”
As they sit there holding each other they both feel lighter than they have in months.
Both full of hope for the future and what’s to come.
Both knowing that this is just the first step in their journey back to each other.
Both excited for everything to come.