Work Text:
Jude Adam Foster walked in his moms house, letting out a nostalgic sigh.
He came home for spring break and as soon as he stepped into the familiar household he felt the air leaving his lungs.
It had been a long time since the last time he went home.
“Are you okay?” Lena asked with concern in her voice. Jude just nodded, cracking a reassuring smile in return.
He built a new life in Boston. He moved on. He found an amazing job as journalist at Boston's local journal and that took all this time, blood and thoughts.
He had a clean start. But how can a clean start be really relevant when he felt drowned by the memories as soon as he took a step into the house?
He looked around himself.
The living room was the same and he felt his breath catching in his throat as soon as the image of the both of them playing videogames flowed through his mind.
“You're cheating Jude!” A blond 14 years old said, dislodging his gaze from the tv screen just to glance at the mischievious smile appearing on his boyfriend lips.
“I'm not!” Jude retorted with fake outrage in his voice.
“You are!” His boyfriend insisted, pinching him in the hip and eliciting a squeak from the younger boy.
“That's not fair! You know I'm ticklish!” Jude whined, dropping his controller on the coffee table, and crossing his arm to his chest, like a shield to protect him from his boyfriend's hands.
His boyfriend smirked, dropping his controller as well, and before he had time to react.. Jude Adam Foster was pushed on the couch, begging his boyfriend, who was straddling him, to stop.
“S-S-stop! Please, Connor!”
Connor laughed, and then with face dead serious he said:
“They Say: Connor Steven is my Master.”
Jude's eyes widened and looked up at his boyfriend with a blush on his cheeks.
“You got to be kidding me..”
Connor shrugged, leaning in again with not so kind intention.
“Okay, okay!” Jude screamed, and Connor stopped in his movements.
“Connor Stevens is my Master.” Connor tried to refrain his laughs, giving him an approval glance.
“Now will you stop?” Connor didn't want to stop. He loved that game.
“.. Connor Stevens is the best thing I've ever had in my entire life.”
Jude just laughed, finally managing to shrug his boyfriend's weight off him.
“Get over yourself!” Jude laughed, rolling his eyes.
“One day.. You'll realize how true it is.” Connor said with a teasing smile, before grabbing his controller back.
“Rematch?”
Jude closed his eyes because he could already feel tears threatening to fall, realizing how true those words were. He was and he screwed it up. Big time. That was the reason he was still single at 25 years old. Connor Stevens was his everything, and he threw it away.
“So.. Jude..” Lena said, snapping him back into reality. He blinked, looking over at his mama.
“I-I feel like I should tell you this.” She said softly, like she was measuring the right words to say.
“I.. Met Adam, a few days ago..” She continued, fiddling with her hands. She lowered down her gaze unable to break his son's heart more than it already was.
Jude's shoulders went rigid hearing his name.
She took a deep breath before saying in a rush, resolute voice:
“Connor is engaged.” Jude's heart lost several beats. “.. He's getting married next week.” She concluded, looking throughrougly at her son.
“Oh..” Jude said, cracking a smile and trying with every fiber of his being to not fall apart in front of his mother.
“I'm so...” Destroyed, wrecked, full of hate for himself “.. Happy for him.”
“He deserves the best.” Jude said, holding back the tears. Obviously it was completely useless to hide his feelings from Lena. She knew, better than anyone, how wrecked Jude really was.
“Honey.” She said, wrapping her arms around her younger son “I'm so sorry..”
Jude hugged her tightly, shaking his head.
“I lost my occasion.. he deserves someone better than me.”
Lena pulled away, looking at him in disbelief.
“Jude...”
“Mom, It's true.” Jude shrugged, with a sad smile spreading on his lips.
“You were just a kid..” Lena retorted, caressing his hair.
“Mom.. you're taking sides because I'm your son..” Jude said. “But what I've done to him.. It wasn't fair..”
“You were dealing with a lot, Jude.”
Jude shook his head, fighting back the tears.
“I encouraged him to go mom. I told him that we were gonna get through that. I told him I loved him. I didn't commit enough to make things work.” Jude cried, letting out a sob. “ I.. Broke up with him just because I thought he was pushing me into going further in our relationship instead of talking with him.”
“I was a pain in the ass.” Jude complained.
“You were just a kid, Jude.. It's not too late now.”
Jude let out a sad, hollow laugh looking at her in disbelief.
“Mom, I'm can't go to the church and interrupt the ceremony !” Jude pictured the scene in his head and that made him laugh, honestly..
“Would it work?” he asked himself for a split second, before shaking his head like to clear it from the insane thought.
He went up to his room, opening the door before smiling at the sight.
Nothing had changed.. the sheets, the picture hanging on the walls, the feeling of satefy.
Everything felt the same.
He took a step inside of the familiar room, and memories of his sleepovers with Connor started cracking through his mind.
He thought about what Lena told him, as he sat down on his bed.
“He deserves the happy ending I never gave him.” He reasoned, even though it hurt him like hell.
He debated himself for few minutes.. but then he decided to be at least the decent person he knew he was.
He pulled out his phone, dialing the number he memorized it by heart.
“Hello?” a sleepy voice came through, from the other end of the line.
“Hi, Connor.”
He heard a short intake of breath, before hearing noises of sheets moving and a door closing.
“I-I'm sorry if I woke you up.” Jude apologized, trying to breathe. He didn't realized it was so late.
1 Am. Crap.
“Jude.” Connor just said, his voice clearly filled with surprise.
His voice made him feel the familiar tug in his chest.
“Hi..” Jude whispered, closing his eyes.
“W-what's going on?” Connor asked, panic filling his voice “Are you okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine. ” Jude rushed to say “My mom just told me about your engagement.”
Jude could totally hear a distressful noise from the other end of the phone.
Connor stayed in silence for a moment and Jude rushed to say:
“Congratulation.” He whispered in a voice that he hoped, didn't sound so remorseful.
“Thank you.. “ Connor replied clearing his throat, and after that a heavy silence fall between them.
“Connor?” Jude said after a while.
“Yeah?”
“I'm sorry.. about everything.” Jude replied in a low voice. “I-I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you.”
“You.. made me happy too, Jude.” Jude's heart clenched at Connor's broken voice. He felt like he was doing it again. Hurting him again.
“I hope this guy makes you happy and gives you all the love you always deserved.”
“Jude..” Connor sighed.
“I- I just wanted you to tell you this, Connor.” He said in a rush and before he knew, tears were falling free down his cheeks.
“Have a good life, Connor.”
“You too, Jude.”
And then.. Jude ended the phonecall.
“This is it.” Jude's thought “It's over.”
The following days were a blur.
Jude's family tried to cheer him up, and he did a pretty good job hiding how he was feeling.
He was smiling and joking in the surface, but deep down.. he was a walking mess.
One afternoon, he decided to do some cleaning in his old room; Maybe find some old memories to bring to Boston with him.
He opened some drawers, and a black item caught his attention from under the pile of shirts.
He pulled it out, freezing immediately.
He unfolded the shirt, and he felt himself smiling at the memory of that gift.
“"I was gonna get you a corsage but I figured this would last longer"
He smiled, remembing the words slipping out of his former boyfriend's lips.
He was just a kid but despite what Connor was going through with his dad he always made him feel safe and proud of who he was.
He felt so silly for being so reclutant in the beginning. That new thing with Connor, being out in the open, labeling himself.. It took him a while to get used to it.
But in that moment, thinking about it.. Jude would have done everything. He would have given all the things he cared and treasured the most in order to have Connor one more time. He was aware that he was probably too harsh on himself.. but it felt like it was the harsh truth.
Connor Stevens was an angel sent by the heaven to lead him through the right path.
He was always smiling, supportive, caring, sweet, proud.. Jude couldn't find one single flaw in Connor. He was absolute perfection.
Since the moment Connor Stevens moved to LA, Jude Adam Foster's life has been a complete turmoil.
He was young, naive and frustrated by the long distance relationship so he just ended it. It felt like doing the right thing at the time, for the both of them.. but he didn't realized that after kicking out Connor out of his life, it was a thousand times worse.
He tried to not think about what happened in those months dealing with the aftermath. He was young and stupid and confused about everything.. even about his sexuality. He tried to kiss Taylor but, ew. He was gay. He couldn't deny it. He was super gay, for Connor. And Connor was building a new life in his new city.. it was too late.
He gathered some stuff from his childhood, placing it inside of a box, before heading outside towards the trash can.
“Jude?”
“Crap.” Jude thought, turning around.
“Hey Adam..” He smiled, looking down at one very cute white puppy.
“You got a puppy?”
Adam nodded.
“Yes.. since Connor moved to LA I've been pretty lonely.” He admitted with a strained smile.
“Oh..” Jude said nodding his head.
“You're taking out the garbage?” Adam asked, and he couldn't help but peek inside of the box.
“Yeah.. some old stuff that I don't need anymore.”
“I can see that.” Adam replied, peeking at the black shirt on top.
Jude felt his cheeks getting warmer as he glanced at the black item inside of the box.
“How are you?” Adam asked, and even though it took a while for Jude to answer that question, he knew that Adam would have known that he was telling bullshit.
“Honestly?” Jude asked, taking a deep breath “I'm a mess...” and he didn't have to explain why. Adam could tell the reason just looking into Jude's eyes.
“Is he happy?” Jude asked in return, feeling his chest lifting up and down in deep heavy breaths.
“He's not miserable..” Adam admitted with a bittersweet tone in his voice. “You were the love of his life, Jude.”
Hearing those words from Connor's father meant a lot for Jude. It felt like after all those year, he finally got it.
“I only want him to be happy..” Jude admitted.
“He could be..” Adam implied with soft voice. Jude felt more confused than ever.
“Are you trying to suggest something Adam?”
“Listen.” Adam said, taking a deep breath. “My son.. is accepting his fate. He's not happy.. he hasn't been happy... in a very long time.”
“How do you know?” Jude asked with furrowed eyebrows.. it all felt surreal, was he really suggesting that?
Adam rolled his eyes letting out a humourless laugh.
“You think I don't know my son? Yeah.. he's not moping around or in a constant shitty mood.. but I know him well enough to tell that he's not truly happy.” He explained.
“And honestly.. it's not fair for him, or for Jonathan, or you..”
Jude felt his head spinning, what Adam was implying was..
“You want to me to stop this wedding Adam?”
“I wasn't really walking around this area.. I saw you from the window and.. just seized the opportunity.” He admitted, lowering down his gaze.
“I-I can't do that Adam.” Adam's gaze was sad and defeated.. and Jude couldn't recognize the man in front of him asking him to stop his son's wedding, from the man that freaked out over their makeout and made Connor leave to LA.
“I've been selfish my own life, Adam..” Jude said “I need to let him go and be happy. Even though, with someone that's not me.”
“And here we go again with the tears.” Jude thought, dropping the box on the ground so that he could wipe at his teary eyes.
“Do you love him?”
Jude let out a sad laugh. He did.. hell if he did.
“Of course, I love him.. why do you think I'm not running to your house yet, declaring my undeniable love for him?” Jude snapped, feeling his pulse race.
“Sometimes.. no matter how much you love someone.. you have to let that someone go.”
Jude wanted to slap himself.. because he wanted to run, he wanted to scream how much he loved Connor so that the entire neighborhood could hear, he knew he couldn't. Connor was about to marry someone else.
Jude felt like the conversation with Adam reached the bottom.
“I have to go. Sorry, Adam...”
Jude couldn't keep that conversation going, because it was hurting him and it was insane even considering doing something like that to Connor. He rushed back to his house. He forgot though, about the box still lying on the grass at Adam's Stevens feet.
Jude was already inside of the house when Adam picked the box off the grass, taking it home with him.
A week passed, and Jude came home to Boston.
The moment he stepped into his apartment, he couldn't feel the sparks, the joy, the feeling of freedom and indipendence he was feeling before leaving.
It all seemed empty and irrelevant.
He sank down on the couch, leaving his suitcase in the entry hall.
“He's probably away on his honeymoon right now.” Jude thought, checking on Connor's facebook page even though he made the terrible mistake of delete his friendship both on real life and on social media.
“It's odd there are no pictures of the wedding..” Jude thought, but Connor's latest post of the day caught his attention.
“There's such a difference between us and a million miles.”
Before he had the chance to ask himself what the hell that quote from his favourite song meant on Connor's page, he heard someone knocking at the door. Repeatedly.
“I'm coming!” Jude yelled, getting up from the couch with a groan.
“Jesus.” he said, opening the door with a roll of his eyes.
His lips parted, until his mouth was completely agape.
He felt freezed with his hand still resting on the doorknob, lips completely parted, breath coming out of his lips short and uneven.
“I'm hallucinating..” He repeated to himself. “This can't be true.”
He kept parting and closing his lips, because in that moment he couldn't utter one single word.
“Y-Y.. What?” He managed to say.
The person in front of him laughed, and Jude's breath catched in his throat. He had missed the sound of his laugh. He had missed him. So much.
“Hello Jude.”
“W-what's going on? You suppose to be on honeymoon.. what happened?” Jude asked, trying to keep his voice calm and collected. He wasn't feeling calm or collected. He still felt like this was some kind of hallucination. Maybe throughout his flight's nap someone drugged him.. because it couldn't be real.
“You happened.” Connor replied, biting his lips. “Can I come in?” He asked softly.
Jude gestured him to come inside, still trying to recover from the shock..
“Connor.. what are you doing here?”
Connor turned around, smiling widely at him, before pulling out a black item from his messanger bag.
Jude didn't know if he was gonna laugh or cry at this point, his head was spinning. And Connor was holding his black t-shirt. The t-shirt.
“Oh.. God.. Adam.”
Connor laughed, taking a step forward towards him.
“I couldn't marry him.” He announced sharply.
“You left him?” Jude asked shocked, with eyes blown wide.
Connor nodded holding Jude's hands in his.
“I know you still love me.”
Damn Adam.
“Jude.. don't cry.”
“I'm sorry..” Jude said, well aware of being a crying mess. “It's just.. I want you to be happy.”
“Then make me happy.” Connor said, looking down at the shirt he was still holding.
“Unless..” Connor added, noticing the distressful expression across Jude's features “...There's someone else in your life.”
Jude shook his head violently, taking a step towards him.
“Never.” He said “Just you Connor. Only, just you.” Connor cupped his cheeks.
“I still love you.” Jude breathed out, feeling his chest several pounds lighter, even though his heart was hammering at a scary pace against his chest.
“I love you too.”
“That's it.” Jude thought as Connor was slowly leaning in. “This is my second chance to make things right. To give Connor Stevens what he always deserved.. and this time I wont let it go. I wont let him go. Never.”
They slowly kissed on Jude's entry hall, clinging to each other like they were making up for the years apart, for every kiss not shared, for every sweet word not said, for every hug not given.
They pulled away, both of them breathless.
Connor smiled widely and Jude could tell.. he was happy. He made him happy.. and finally, he felt happy too.
“You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.” Jude said, and from the bright smile on Connor's lips he knew he got the reference.
“You finally realized it.”
Jude nodded, lacing his hands behind Connor's neck.
“Took you long enough. ” Connor said with a teasing tone and Jude couldn't feel happier.
Jude's gaze dropped on the shirt Connor was still holding and he grabbed it, unfolding it and placing it on his chest, before lifting up his eyes meeting Connor's.
“There's something else you'd like to say to me, Mr. Adam Foster?”
Jude didn't miss a beat, he threw himself again in Connor's arms.
“I'm super gay for you.” before connecting their lips once again.