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Time.
It had come to an end almost too abruptly, though it was so clear to Draco that it would. As if he could see the sand falling in the hourglass, the grains crawling past each other with nothing to stop them.
He had done everything he could to attempt to make time come to a halt before it ran out, sinking galleons and galleons into every resource imaginable. Even resorting to the muggle world to find answers.
But none came. He had watched her burn so fast, the wax from her candle still dripping, although there was no flame. Only smoke left in its wake.
Time. He wanted so much more of it with Astoria. They had only been together for ten years. Just under a third of the life he had lived so far, but he was glad to have known her for longer. The first time he saw her, she was just a girl two years his junior, sitting on the stool with the Sorting Hat atop her brown hair. Her feet hung in the air, and she gently kicked them back and forth, a grin on her face as she waited for the hat to call out Slytherin.
Her first year, he thought she was actually a bit bothersome. Always trailing behind her sister, Daphne, in the Hogwarts corridors. She was only wanting to join the older kids, to feel like she was a part of something bigger.
They’d tease her for being Daphne’s shadow, picked on her for not hitting another growth spurt and being one of the smallest kids in her class. They went as far as even shunning her for not having the same beliefs as them. She always questioned them for caring about blood status and other bigoted ideas they had that Draco now felt shame for once believing.
It was her kindness that made her different. Overly gracious to those around them. After the war when Draco had struggled with forgiving himself, she was the one who showed him that he could be good again.
And he was good, if not for anything else but her. To prove that he could be a good husband and an even better father.
When they began dating, Draco kicked himself for waiting so long. He had kept his distance at first, since she was his friend’s younger sister. But as soon as he went back to Hogwarts, they struck up a friendship almost immediately.
After graduation, they still kept in contact as he went abroad and studied in France. They sent countless letters to one another, falling in love over ink and paper. When he returned, they barely waited a week before going on their first date.
It was around two years into their love story where Astoria began showing symptoms of her blood curse. At first, it was only dizziness and headaches. But when she began fainting, they knew something was wrong.
When she fell pregnant, the doctors had warned that childbirth would take a significant toll on her body. And while that fact horrified Draco, Astoria couldn't be more elated. She had already picked out names, begun decorating the nursery, and doing everything she could to make herself stronger.
The day that Scorpius was born was one of the scariest days of his life. But Astoria was strong, much stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for.
Was it worth risking her already fragile life for any of this?
The second that he held his son, all doubts melted away. That every single moment of heartbreak and anguish was worth it. The definition of love for him had completely changed. It had morphed into something beyond all comprehension. No letter or kiss could come close to how it felt to become a father.
And watching Astoria dote on Scorpius, he didn't think he'd see a more beautiful sight. To see her fall in love with her son seemed to defy all the magic he had ever bear witness to.
Yes, Draco was her husband, but Scorpius was her love. She’d sing it to him so often, for the first three years of his little life, Scorpius thought his name was “my love.” Astoria couldn’t bear to correct him, always humming it so he knew, because she knew he wouldn’t hear it from her one day.
That day came, and Draco was left to pull a small suit jacket over his son’s arms. He was on his knee, adjusting Scorpius’ tie, not caring if he scuffed his tailored suit pants. Scorpius had only known joy when wearing a suit, going to galas and hosting extravagant parties at Malfoy manor. Birthdays, New Year’s, all events that brought upon fresh starts and new beginnings.
But today would be the first day that a fancy suit would signal a different sort of change.
His son’s glassy eyes were so heartbreaking, Draco could barely bring himself to look without falling apart. He forced himself to. Looking into his gray eyes that were cloudy with tears.
A boy his age shouldn’t be without their mother. He had just turned six, barely understanding the weight of what was happening, only longing for her embrace.
Longing just as Draco was.
But why was he feeling sorry for himself? He was here with his son. Astoria wasn’t. She wouldn’t be able to see their son grow tall.
To send him off at Platform 9 ¾ for his first day at Hogwarts.
To comfort him after his first heartbreak.
To raise him to become a good man.
And even though in every way, he was a mini version of all the Malfoy men that had come before him, there were subtle traces of Astoria that were unmistakable. Rosy, full cheeks that were a reminder of her brighter days. Days long before she fell ill and became weak. His soft spokenness, one that made him a polite and a smidge shy, just as his mother was. Even the way he danced, rotating his hips with his index fingers pointed upwards was exactly how Astoria did it.
Draco tried to remember the last time he had danced. It had to have been over a year ago before she became bedbound. They put on their favorite records and the three of them twirled in the big, empty ballroom of Malfoy manor. Nights like that, they stay up much too late singing along to the tunes and their cheeks would end up sore from non-stop smiling. The last night they danced together didn’t end up in laughter or off-key performances, but Astoria fainting and falling onto the marble floor.
“Your hair got long,” Scorpius said, his fingers twirling a bit of Draco’s silver hair in his fingers.
It had fallen just past his shoulders, much longer than it had ever gotten. Before this, he had always kept it short and neat, as he always had since his youth. But he hadn’t thought about trimming it as of recently. The thought never even crossed his mind because since he and Astoria began courting, she had always been the one to do it.
The first time she took a pair of scissors to his hair, it ended in disaster. It was a mistake on both ends after some light dinner and a bottle or two of wine. Draco had mentioned needing a haircut, Astoria noting that she had been attending beauty school for the past three weeks. They ended up in the guest bathroom of the manor after taking a pair of scissors from Narcissa’s sewing kit and giggled like school kids.
He remembered her apologizing profusely as he looked into the mirror to see uneven and choppy cuts in his blonde hair, but he wasn’t the slightest bit upset, only being able to laugh as she promised she’d pay for his visit to see a professional.
“How about you finish school and then you can fix it?” Draco chuckled.
“You still trust me?” she asked him.
“Of course, you can only get better from this point, right?”
And she did get better. By the time the awful haircut grew out, she was a master with the scissors. From that point on, no one but Astoria touched his hair. Every few weeks, she’d sit him and Scorpius down in the bathroom, working her magic to make the pair look even more identical, just the way they both liked it.
Astoria always had a way of making them feel good about themselves. She treated them to her expensive skin care she loved dearly, putting face masks on them all while they sat around the fireplace and enjoyed reading a story or two. She even took the time to make them all matching outfits to stroll around the town. Although Draco thought it was silly at first, he had to eventually admit that he felt a boost in confidence as he flaunted his family around with a fresh face.
Even after she was bedridden, she had still cut their hair, only being able to sit up long enough to give them a quick trim, taking time to pamper them. Little time passed until she was no longer able to hold the scissors, the metal tool too heavy for her to lift. So Draco, at the direction of Astoria, began to cut Scorpius’ hair, learning all he could from her while he still had the chance. But he never had the confidence to do it for himself, even when she offered to help. Instead, he did what she had always done for them.
He applied her favorite moisturizer to her face before bed.
He coated her eyelashes with old mascara he had begged her to replace years ago, but she had insisted the company had changed the formula and the original was the best.
He helped her into pretty dresses and told her she looked beautiful in them, because despite the fact that she was swimming in the fabric, her frame much smaller than when she initially bought them, she did look beautiful.
He tied her hair back with a black velvet ribbon, so she didn’t have to worry about how much of it she had lost.
She was burning so fast.
His hair began to grow longer and longer until even his son noticed.
“You remember mum used to cut our hair?” Draco asked Scorpius, hoping he’d say yes. Hoping he would remember every moment he had with his mother, though he knew that wasn’t possible. “She’d sit us down in front of the big mirror and in the bathroom and you’d get a lolly after.”
Scorpius nodded his head, “I remember.”
“That’s good,” Draco praised, though tears began to fill his eyes, a lump in his throat welling up to the point where it was unbearable. “She’d want you to remember those moments. It’s important we do.”
“Can you bring her back?” Scorpius asked. “I don’t want her to only be memories.”
Draco placed his hands on his son’s shoulders, giving a light squeeze, wishing someone could do the same for him. But he couldn’t be selfish right now, he couldn’t ask for comfort right now. He had to be strong.
Draco had tried everything he could, sinking galleon after galleon into healers and scholars from around the world. After a slew of failures, he resorted to more drastic means, taking her to the highest ranked muggle hospitals to see if they could find their own diagnosis. The traveling began to wear on her, and Astoria knew from the beginning neither science nor magic could heal her.
He had seen his wife come to terms with death well before he could even fathom it. She pressed on for Scorpius, he knew that for a fact, but he could see each day take its toll on her. If he could find a way to bring her back in full health, he would have. But it wasn’t possible, from everything he knew about the laws of magic, not unless he wanted to risk everything.
And the one thing he would never give up was his son.
“Our memories can be the strongest thing we have,” Draco told him, he gently placed a finger at the center of Scorpius’ chest. “And if you have her in your memories, that means she’ll always be here with you.”
“Do you promise?” Scorpius asked, his hand resting on Draco’s wrist.
Draco was always weary about making promises. His father had told him to keep his word, no matter what. That the Malfoys could be penniless, but as long as they had their integrity, their legacy would live on.
Draco could remember every promise he had made. Once to Crabbe in 6th year that he wouldn’t tell anyone about the rash forming on his buttocks. Another to his mother, when she had made him swear to stop drinking so much whiskey during the week. And an unprompted promise to Astoria one night that he would love her until his last breath. Then, he made a promise to Scorpius to be a father he would be proud of.
The last thing he had vowed to do scared him. But he swore it to Astoria, because she had never made him promise her anything other than to begin collecting memories so that Scorpius could have something tangible to remember his mother. She had never asked Draco for much in her life, only to be happy with him. So when she requested this as she lay sick in bed, he couldn’t refuse her, even if he had his reservations. Immediately after her request, he purchased a Pensieve.
He didn’t blame her for asking for such a thing, all she wanted was for her son to remember her in a better light. One where she could pick him up and hold him in her arms. Where she could play with him without becoming breathless and tired. A time that he likely couldn’t recall anymore.
Scorpius was too young. Astoria was too young.
“I promise, Scorpius” Draco smiled, though he wanted to scoop his son into his arms and tuck away in the covers that still smelt of his wife.
Instead, he pulled a comb from his jacket pocket and began brushing it through Scorpius’ hair, noting that it too was getting longer.
“Are we still going to celebrate Mum’s birthday?” Scorpius asked softly.
Astoria’s 30th birthday was nearly exactly a month away. Anyone’s 30th birthday would have been a call for festive celebrations. Draco had already ordered a cake and had bought her several gifts, thinking that she would see an age that most would in their lives. Was it foolishly hopeful for him to do so? Did he perhaps think that if she had something to look forward to, it would miraculously extend her time?
“Of course, Scorp,” Draco’s voice broke, though he maintained his resolve. “Ordered her favorite cake, the chocolate one. With extra chocolate frosting.”
Astoria, his sweet thing who loved sweet things.
“I like that one,” Scorpius’ lips curled into a small smile.
“Me too. You’re going to have to blow out the candles for her, then, we can split it between just you and me. Cake for dinner, how does that sound?”
Scorpius giggled, “Good.”
It was stupid to not have celebrated her birthday sooner. A regret that Draco would have to learn to live with, among many others. He had wondered how many days they had been together that he didn’t tell her he loved her. It had to have only been a handful. He almost kicked himself for not saying it sooner to her when they were young. If he had known how little time they had, he wouldn’t have wasted so much of it on his doubts and nerves. He wondered how many sunrises they had missed together because there wasn’t enough time.
Draco gave Scorpius one last look before standing. Because although his son looked put together, clothes properly pressed and hair neatly done, he needed to make sure he looked the part of a strong father.
He turned to the mirror that sat surrounded by framed pictures of their family. They outlined their time spent together, as they aged from their youth until the many milestones Scorpius had made. It told a heartbreaking tale of a woman who was fighting time, grasping at every moment she was able to hold with her husband and son.
The smile that was painted on her face never faded, it only was framed by a changing canvas. Cheeks that became more hollow, bags that pulled heavier and heavier under her eyes, hair that thinned over the years. Even as she changed, she was always so beautiful.
Draco tried not to linger on the pictures for too long, finally meeting his own reflection’s gaze. For a moment, he thought he saw his father before him, seeing the long hair and matured face looking back. Crow’s feet, smile lines, all a memory of the laughter and life he shared with Astoria.
From his pocket, he pulled out the same velvet ribbon he had used countless times to tie her hair away from her face. Embedded into the fabric were a few strands of her brown hair that seemed almost permanent in the material now. The ribbon felt heavy, as if his grief was weaved into the fibers.
She had burned so fast.
He pulled his hair back, tying the velvet into a bow, just as he had done for Astoria. It felt like time had stopped again as he looked upon the mirror. He could almost picture Astoria behind him, chin resting on his shoulders, arms ghosting around his waist.
Draco was transfixed, hoping that if he willed it, that she would manifest next to him.
Transfixed, until he felt a slight tug on his cloak, turning his attention downward to see his son.
“Will we ever see her again?” Scorpius asked, his gray eyes begged for hope.
Draco got down on his knee once more, face to face with another reflection. One that reminded him that there was still so much time to be had. That though it had stopped for Astoria, it hadn’t for them.
“You know we used to wake up extra early with Mum sometimes to watch the sunrise?” Draco asked.
Scorpius nodded. “Yes, we’d watch the rays peek over the trees and start a new day together.”
“When the sun hits, she’ll be waiting.”