Chapter Text
Rayne cannot forget.
He cannot forget some of his childhood memories, even if he wanted to.
The farthest one is probably when he had noticed that his mother’s belly was getting bigger, like a huge ball, and when his father was trying to explain to his soon-to-be-two-years-old self that there was a baby in her womb, and that it would change their lives. Though, he was too young to properly understand.
But, Rayne remembers that he could indeed feel something moving in his mother whenever she was holding him, which meant that his father was not telling him stories like he loved and used to. This realization had made Rain feel a connection between him and the one in the womb. Since then, he often asked for his mother’s arms, especially when she was on her last months of pregnancy, just to be close to the baby.
Rayne didn’t know but it had actually worried his parents; they were afraid that he was getting jealous of his unborn sibling and was feeling left out. It was true that both of them were busy preparing themselves and the house for the baby, and they felt like they were not giving as much attention to their first child as they used to when he was the only one, and him asking his mother’s arms constantly had made them feel bad. However, their worries faded when they heard one of Rain’s first words, “baby”.
Since his father was almost always talking to him about his sibling and was using the word “baby” to refer to him, Rain had registered it in his head, but, he could not really talk at that time due to his young age, he could barely say “mama” and “papa”.
Rayne does not remember what was his parents’ reaction when he first said those words, but he remembers when he first said the word “baby”. They looked so happy and relieved, though, again, Rain was not able to understand why they reacted that way when all he just wanted was to be closer to the his sibling. Like now.
This period is a little bit blurry for Rayne today, he just got some fragments of memories that don’t really follow each other, but there is one day that he cannot forget.
Sixteen years ago.
On January twenty-third.
It was a clear day for the winter, it was not cloudy nor snowy nor rainy, the sun was there but the atmosphere remained cold. Rayne remembers how his parents were agitated and were getting ready to leave the house for the hospital. Again, it was his father that explained him what was happening and that they all needed to go. He also remembers how his mother was not looking like she was on her best state which had made him worry, but his father reassured him. If only he could do it now.
When they got to the hospital, there were personals that took care of his mother while Rain and his father had to wait somewhere. Rain wanted to join her but his father told him that it was not the time, and that all they could do was waiting until the baby came out.
Since it was getting long, Rain had ended up sleeping in his father’s arms. He unfortunately does not remember how it felt like.
After a few hours, his father woke him up when they were finally allowed to see the mother and the baby. Rayne remembers how he felt in this moment, as if he was still living it today; his little heart was beating in apprehension at the thought of being able to see the little baby that he had been waiting for months, the little being that would change their lives – his life - in a good way. Did he, though…?
He remembers that, when they were getting closer to the room where his mother and his sibling was, he had heard cries. And, he wasn’t realizing it at that time, but this was the first ever thing he had known of his sibling, before even knowing his name, his face, his gender, the number of lines he had on his face, it was his voice that Rayne first knew. Is he still allowed to hear it today?
When they crossed the doors, Rayne remembers that he had taken a look at his father’s face and saw tears in his eyes. It was the first time that he ever saw him teary, but, he knew somehow that it was not because of a sad feeling; he looked very happy as he was approaching the bed quickly while holding him in his arms.
Rain then looked in the direction of his mother and noticed that she was fine as she was smiling too; she was sat on the bed and was wearing white clothes that Rain didn’t recognize as she hadn’t worn them when they came to the hospital. But, he didn’t think too much about it as his eyes fell on the baby she was holding, the baby who was still crying.
When he and his father got near, his father hugged his mother and gave her a huge kiss on her forehead before congratulating her on her hard work, even if Rain didn’t exactly understand what she had done for that. But, honestly, he didn’t really pay attention to what his parents were exchanging. He was far more intrigued by the little one-liner baby in his mother’s arms dressed in an adorable rabbit pajama combination.
Rayne remembers how tiny the baby was, very very tiny, and red, the head was bigger in comparison of the rest of the body, and the tiniest parts were the hands and the feet. That was the first and only time that he ever saw a new born baby that close, and it was not any baby, it was his baby brother, that wouldn’t stop crying. Until today...
Rain had found strange how he was crying as if he was the saddest baby to have ever been born, as if all the problems in the world where on his little shoulders. That triggered something in him, something... Instinctive.
He reached his hand to the baby’s and gently grabbed it. He then felt that the tiny little hand grabbed him back, and, suddenly, the baby stopped crying, as if this simple touch was all he needed to calm down. This marked Rayne to this day, because it was not his mother’s touch that he needed, nor his father’s, but it was his big brother’s, his touch. Why is it not enough anymore?
After this first physical contact, the connection that Rain had felt through his mother’s belly was even stronger, and it was something that he never was able to feel with anyone else; brotherly love.
Rayne remembers that, the moment the baby had stopped crying, his parents showed very surprised faces, with a little bit of pride. They were happy that their sons were already getting along.
Rain had eventually learned that the baby was a boy, like him, and that his name was Finn. And, starting from this day, they were a family of four.
Rayne remembers that he hadn’t left his brother’s hand, nor taken his eyes off him. He had observed him like he was the most beautiful piece of art. It even made him forget that his parents were even there. However, his little bright world where there were only him and his brother scattered when it was time for him and his father to leave.
He recalls that his mother and brother had to stay a little longer in the hospital, and he didn’t know why at that time. The only thing that he caught was that he had to go back home without them, but he couldn’t accept it. What did they mean by, just after meeting his brother, the one that he had been waiting for since so long, he had to leave him?! It was out of the question.
It was not in Rain’s attitude to throw a tantrum, even if it was normal for someone of his age, but he surely hadn’t let his father take him out of the room. He had struggled to show him that he didn’t want to leave, and that he wanted to stay with his brother and mother until they all went out of the hospital together like they all went in.
But, despite his complains, he didn’t have a choice but to leave. His parents had done their best to explain to him that it was the hospital’s rule that, at a certain time, visits were prohibited, so they didn’t have the right to stay longer. They also tried to reassure him by saying that they would come back home soon, and that he just had to wait.
At last, Rain seemed to have understood as he stopped struggling and listened to his parents, but, he was still not content about it. When he left his mother and brother, he couldn’t stop crying in his father’s arms. Rayne can still feel the sadness he had felt that day. And he was still feeling it today.
When they went out of the hospital, the weather had changed; it was not longer sunny but there was heavy rain. It was always following him in the bad moments, as far as he could remember. But, at that time, he was too young to realize.
His father had done his best to cover themselves from it, and, in the same time, he was trying to find a way to calm his son that was still crying. He ended up having the idea of singing a song that he just made up while looking at the sky:
“Raindrops should fall from the sky,
It should not fall from the eye,
Rain, you are a strong little guy
Who should not cry.”
Rayne still remembers it to this day. It had always made him feel better whenever his father was singing to him or telling him a story. And, when it was not enough to calm him, he would buy him a candy, or cook him his favorite food or allow him to sleep with him in the parental bed.
His father would always try to show his love to him as much as possible. If only he was still there…
The day after, the clear weather came back, and it was the day Finn and his mother were allowed to get out of the hospital. Of course, when it was visit time, Rain insisted to go see them. And, when they arrived, they were greeted with the good news of their come out. When Rain had seen his brother in his mother’s arms, he spread his arms toward her so she could hold him too with the baby. He remembers that his mother had chuckled at this and had done her best to hold both of her sons, while her husband would hold all their things.
When he was finally close again to his brother, Rain had taken his hand again, and kept looking at him until they finally arrived in front of their house.
And they were home, the four of them, reunited, happy, and ready to face this new change in their family.
Rain had thought about all the things he would do with his brother; playing with him, going out with him, taking baths with him, sleeping with him, growing with him, he could remember all the things that his father had told him he could do with a sibling. And he couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait for him to grow.
And they grew up.