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Rin had usually copied the actions of his brother, learning what he does and how he did it. From putting on shoes to eating curry, (it was putting on the left shoe first and eating curry in the middle), he wanted to be like his brother.
He also wanted to play soccer, just like he did.
Yet there Rin was, struggling at the bottom of his dreams. He didn’t realize such a dream would be crushed so easily. He and Sae shared a dream, the hope to become a striker, his older brother ahead of him.
Something in Spain changed Sae, changing his original dream.
Rin didn’t like that, no, he wanted the both of them to both become strikers.
But the match between them had decided fate.
Rin was home, reminiscing on his childhood. Those times where he would be influenced by Sae, whether it’d be the bad choices they’d make together, or Rin asking to stop getting presents because his brother stopped getting them.
But the biggest thing that Sae had influenced Rin to do was soccer.
After interfering with that match on that day, the two promised to achieve their dream together. But dreams were stupid. Why did he believe in such things?
Rin remembers just a few hours ago, there he was, on a field. Snow came down gently, falling to the floor. Then, there was his brother, coming onto the field, he looked gloomier, sorrowful even. He remembered how happy he was to see him, smiling like an idiot. He saw how Sae changed, he looked thinner, a lot more pale, but probably nothing much.
But something broke the moment, the news of Sae changing his dream.
He refuses to remember the rest of those hours, losing the match, crying in the snow, calling out for his big brother. Rin felt stupid for doing so. He never needed him anyways. All he wanted to do now was to beat Sae Itoshi.
…
Beat Sae Itoshi.
Not his brother.
Just Sae Itoshi.
…
Didn’t Sae promise to be the best in the world and Rin came after?
Didn’t he ask Rin to play soccer alongside him?
So why didn’t he?
What happened in Spain?
Questions ran through Rin’s head like wild horses, constantly picking up the pace and making him rethink each memory. Was it all just one lie?
He believed Sae as a little kid, entrusting every word said to him. He was naïve to say the least, but he was a child, he couldn’t pass up those words. Like any child would, he believed his words, playing soccer aside him. Each trophy placed upon the shelf was recognition of his skill and talent, the photos aligned with each other was proof of his achievements.
Stupid achievements meant nothing.
They were just titles and acknowledgments of worth.
But he wanted proof of his worth.
The proof to be acknowledged by his brother.
To be more than him.
He wanted to be acknowledged like the day he interfered with that match. As he fell, hitting the ground, he saw his brother come towards him.
“Play soccer with me, Rin.” Is what he said, didn't he?
Was his brother just a liar? Was he, himself, simply played like a pawn in whatever future Sae had in store for himself? That couldn't possibly be the truth, not at all.
Rin felt so stupid. He balls his fists, his nails leaving crescent marks onto his hands. Frustration and anger were so prominent, bleeding out and affecting those around him. The outpouring blood akin to agony.
At least at this Blue Lock place he could show everyone that he was enough to be a striker.
After countless trials and many people leaving with their futures dead in a ditch, Blue Lock encountered their first rival.
The U-20’s of Japan.
They all seemed to be easy foes, all flashy and showy but not wielding any talent. It’d be an easy win for Rin, something to prove and show he was good enough for him.
Until they were shown a special member of a team, someone who Rin never expected to see.
His own brother, Sae Itoshi, playing alongside the U-20 team.
Finally, after so long they’d meet again, but not as siblings, Rin saw him as a rival, someone to overtake and triumph against. He could show he was worth something, and prove it to him.
The days of only being known as Sae Itoshi’s little brother would slowly dissipate, becoming less prominent to everyone. He could prove he was different from his brother.
Rin would finally be acknowledged for what he had built for so long.
…
No, no, no.
Why was he not acknowledged?
Why were his actions not seen?
Everything he had done working for this moment, all for Isagi Yoichi to be recognized, rather than him.
Why was he the future of Japanese football? He was basically no one, just some lukewarm striker who came and destroyed his future. The future of proving to his brother he was good enough and that they could be the top two strikers in the world.
Rin feels like he's fallen once more, back to that pit of empty promises, struggling at the bottom of his dreams.
"How tepid," is what his brother would say to him.
Rin doesn't even bother to go bow for the audience, he walks off, tears almost welling up in his eyes. He glares at Isagi, the saviour of the match. He's getting an interview and all that dumb media stuff, it's almost sickening. Isagi is the living proof of Rin's failure, living proof that he'll always lose, no matter what he does.
He’ll always be behind Isagi, always behind his brother. Nothing can get him to their levels, as he’s left behind to rot.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, no not at all. Why wasn’t it him?
If Rin could meet Sae when he was younger he’d stare at him, see the changes that happened, both physically and mentally.
If Rin could meet Sae when he was younger he wouldn’t tell what happens in the future.
And if Rin could meet Sae when he was younger, he’d beg and ask to stay by his side, until he gets disgusted at the sight of him.