Chapter Text
KEYWORDS
MIKU KOHINATA
The newest member of S.O.N.G. ’s main field squad and wielder of the Shenshoujing Faust Robe. Despite some external pushback from members of the UN, particularly the United States who, in addition to her public stint as the host body to an extraterrestrial threat, recalled all too well the last time the girl had been made to use that particular relic, she has become an invaluable asset to both the tactical prowess and morale of S.O.N.G. as a whole. Miku’s speciality in combat is the utilization of Shenshoujing’s cloaking abilities and laser drones for stealth-based reconnaissance and medium-range support respectively, her unorthodox fighting style a direct result of a months-long grueling training regimen partially consisting of classic mecha anime and sci-fi monster movies. She is rarely seen too far from S.O.N.G. 's heaviest hitter and her beloved girlfriend, Hibiki Tachibana, although her abilities often demand that she works at a bit of a distance from most others.
THALIA’S MASK
The fabled Greek Mask of Comedy. Excavated near Athens in the late-1600s by members of the Bavarian Illuminati, it sat unused for the next century-and-a-half until becoming the personal relic of Lady Josephine Grimaldi upon her induction into the Illuminati in 1837. Despite Lady Grimaldi getting much use out of it, even fashioning it into a Faust Robe, she has kept the actual abilities of the mask a closely guarded secret for nearly as long as she has had it and has refused to leave any sort of written record on the subject. This has led to rampant speculation and gossip as to what it even does, ranging from mastery of illusions and manipulation of the five senses to more outlandish claims like the ability to change reality itself to suit the wearer. The matter is further complicated by the only known people that Josephine has shared its secrets with, the Comte de Saint-Germain and her entourage, requesting that the mask be destroyed with no further elaboration on what drove them to this conclusion.
Regardless, when the Illuminati fell with the death of Adam Weishaupt, Josephine disappeared as well, leaving the mask’s proverbial multiple-choice origin blank seemingly forevermore.
UNITED NATIONS SPACE DIVISION
Formed in the wake of the the FIS rebels’ ill-fated attempt to prevent moonfall in 2043 and seeing action ever since then, most notably in the mission to recover the corpse of one Professor Tolstoya and the aborted joint American-Japanese lunar research launch, the United Nations Space Division or UNSD for short has been at the forefront of space-borne flight and technological advancement. Part scientific research institution and part military organization, the UNSD boasts an impressive fleet of research vessels and battleships that constantly patrol the moon’s orbit, looking for any sign of recent extraterrestrial activity as they study the ruins left on the moon’s surface. Currently headed by Leonardo Bogard, one of the astronauts involved in the recovery of Professor Tolstoya, the UNSD enjoys a healthy working relationship with S.O.N.G. as they jointly monitor the lunar surface.
CONEY ISLAND
An American cultural landmark since the late 1800s due to its New York City beachfront location and multiple amusement parks. However, due to economic strife leading to loss of business and soil erosion causing the entire area to be slowly reclaimed by the Atlantic ocean, Coney Island has lay abandoned since 2040. Luna Park, home to the famous Cyclone, was the last Amusement Park in the area to close its doors in part, the story goes, due to mysteriously wealthy donors pumping money into it to try to keep it alive. Rumors have persisted for years, however, that you can still hear the sounds of laughter and merriment coming from the abandoned park as if no one has truly left.
COPPELIA-CLASS AUTOSCORERS
A long-outdated model of Autoscorer easily identified by their brass or copper bodies. Mass Produced in the late 19th century, these Autoscorers have limited sentience compared to their more specialized alchemical brethren and are made to be fodder units. Their easy programmability, surprising brute force, and sheer agility make them a popular choice amongst Illuminati remnant groups in need of cheap protection. However, reports have surfaced of some abandoned Coppelia-classes activating more distinct personalities on their own with one such unit being encountered by S.O.N.G. in Cheshire, England.
LAWRENCE FORD
Top of his class at Georgetown and somehow kept as a key advisor between two separate administrations of opposing political affiliations, Lawrence Ford is a career diplomat with an uncanny ability to navigate tense foreign affairs in a world beset by non-traditional threats. His work with the State Department eventually landed him a position within the UN, where he was eventually assigned as the point of contact for any operations S.O.N.G. conducts on American soil. Unfortunately, despite him recognizing the organization as a necessity in the uncertain world they now have to share, his micro-managerial personality and sycophantic dedication to the bureaucratic chain of command make his relationship with S.O.N.G., especially with the senior members, a rather testy one. Incidentally, his daughter Emma is a very passionate fan of the Queens of Music.
DOCUMENTS
S.O.N.G. SACRIST RESEARCH FACILITY
PLUM ISLAND, NEW YORK
MANAGING AGENT: JADE REDGRAVE
CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET
SACRIST INVENTORY REPORT
HAMMER OF JOHN HENRY [OKAY]
BLUE OX HORN [OKAY]
CROSSROAD GUITAR [OKAY]
BOW OF CHIRON [OKAY]
HOLY MOONLIGHT GREATSWORD [OKAY]
KURTA CLAN CHAINS [OKAY]
STING [ERROR]
CARNWENNAN [ERROR]
SHIELD OF PERSEUS [ERROR]
HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH [ERROR]
[ERROR]
[ERROR]
[ERROR]
[OUTSIDE CONNECTION DETECTED]
[OUTSIDE CONNECTION DETECTED]
[OUTSIDE CONNECTION DECTECTEhEHeHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE]
[ADMIN PRIVILEGES TERMINATED]
[CONNECTION TERMINATED]
[WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY AGAIN?]
—
ONE NIGHT ONLY
TSUBASA KAZANARI X MARIA CADENZAVNA EVE
QUEENS OF MUSIC: LIVE IN NEW YORK
HALLO-QUEENS BENEFIT CONCERT
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
OCTOBER 31ST
TICKETS ON SALE NOW!
ALL PROCEEDS DONATED TO THE VAL VERDE RECOVERY AND RELIEF FUND
—
FOR S.O.N.G. EYES ONLY
THE FOLLOWING ARE THE TRANSCRIPTS OF AUDIO RECORDINGS RECOVERED FROM THE HALL OF MIRRORS AT LUNA PARK, CONEY ISLAND. PRELIMINARY ANALYSIS PUTS THE TIMEFRAME AT OCTOBER 24, 2046 AT 5 PM EST.
[BEGIN PLAYBACK]
Josephine: [humming] Always look on the bright side of life….da dum da dum da da da da da dum…
Colin: Wha- Where? Where am I? Hello? Where is everyone? What happen- Ugh! Are these…..are these chains??? What the fuck??
Josephine: Oh, you’re awake. That’s, ah, unexpected but I suppose every good clown needs a bit of improv practice now and again. How are you feeling in there, Colin m’boy? Comfy?
Colin: Grimaldi….you…..when my father hears of this….
Josephine: Your father? Hmmmmmm, my mind’s drawing a bit of a blank on- Oh! That’s right! The great big tech guy! Franklin Smith, yeah? Well, why don’t you ask him how he feels? He should be right next to you! Go on, Frankie, don’t be shy!
Colin: [inaudible screaming]
Josephine: [throwing her voice and pitching it down an octave] Ah, gee, Miss Josey, being dead sure is swell! It’s absolutely steaming down here in the flame pits but, hey, I always did like hot tubs! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[switches back to her normal voice]
Hehehehehehe! Oh, the look on your face! Oh, man! Hoo! I’ll admit, stringing you all up like this wasn’t my first choice for how I was gonna do the rest of you guys in but, well, I saw that whole wine cellar of Amontillado you guys stored away and I just couldn't resist! They’re all in there too, the rest of your little holdout group I mean, and just as dead as dear old Daddy Warbucks. Captive audiences are the best kind, after all!
Colin: I-Oh God…Dad…everyone…..But…But why?? We took you in, gave you shelter, and this is how you repay us??? You’re Illuminati! Same as us!
Josephine: Wrong. I’m not the same as you. You’re extras. The background ensemble. Props from a previous show that need to be taken off stage before the next act.
Colin: And what does that make you?? Some kind of diva??
Josephine: Me? Oh no no no, I’m no diva! I’m a star! A queen! The leading lady to end all other leading ladies! My act is going to be the pinnacle of comedy, a postmodern masterpiece of slapstick and dramatic irony! I’m just waiting for the rest of the performers to get my invitations to the bash. Right now, all I can do is kill time! And you!
[a pause]
Eh, why am I even telling you this? You’re not even real Illuminati, not really, just some puppets without a puppeteer. If you were, you’d get the joke. You’d see the humor in it, in what I’m doing, in why I’m doing it.
Colin: I don’t- I don’t understand…..You…all of this…all of this was for a joke?
Josephine: That’s the thing about jokes, Colin dear. I could help you understand but, if I explain the joke, it stops being funny! Ain’t it a bitch?
[a beeping noise]
Oh, well, speak of the devil! They got my invitation! My new co-stars are on their way! I guess that leaves me with one final thing on the agenda before I can truly start getting my act ready for them. As for you, mister Colin Smith, the last of the Coney Island Illuminati branch, it delights me to inform you that, with or without your permission, I’m now going to be able to do my stuff.
Colin: Wh- What are you going to do?
Josephine: Oh, my poor dear, you still don’t get it, do you?
[metallic scraping sound]
I’m going to do the best I can!
Colin: Wait- WAIT WAIT WAIT NO PLEASE I [inaudible screaming]
[END PLAYBACK]