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Jordan knew. He knew that Joel would find some way to blame himself for the Stars game. He knew Joel, he knew his habits, his quirks, his moods, everything. He knew what to expect from the younger goalie. What he didn’t know was why said younger goalie had chosen him of all people to crawl into bed with for comfort. Afterall, Nibsy was his roommate anyway. Shouldn’t they be cuddling and sobbing with each other? Why did Binner have to take on the role of goalie dad/comforting boyfriend (don’t get him started on that weirdness) when Joel had so many other teammates who he could run to?
Regardless of Jordan’s personal feelings on the matter, Joel was still sobbing in his arms, saying the loss was entirely his fault and blah blah blah. Don’t get him wrong, Jordan completely understood and empathized with his goalie partner about losing. He’d been there more than enough on his own. It was just that he never realized how tiring it could be as the person taking care of the self-hating goalie.
He kissed Joel’s forehead and tried to shush him. Tried. Somehow the blonde got even louder. Jordan tried rocking him back and forth like he’d seen people do with babies. For some reason that helped. So he tried more baby calming techniques he’d found in an internet rabbit hole a few years ago. When it seemed that Joel had finally calmed enough to be reasoned with Jordan finally spoke.
“It’s okay Joel. It’s not your fault. There wasn’t anything you or me could’ve done. Everyone was tired from Saturday and the trip over, and the Stars had plenty of rest time. It’s okay.”
“But maybe if I’d–” Jordan shushed his what ifs as quickly as he could, knowing from first hand experience the kind of path that could lead to. “Maybe it’d have ended differently if I hadn’t been there,” Joel got up as he spoke, walking into the bathroom to dry his tears. Or so Jordan had hoped. “If I wasn’t on the team or–”
Jordan was up instantly after hearing that half muttered phrase leave Joel’s mouth. He knew that phrase and he knew Joel. The bathroom door was already locked when he reached it. Jordan texted Schenn, Monty and Nibsy telling them he needed them in his room ASAP.
Joel's breath was shaky as he walked around the bathroom. He was scared but he was so sure this was the best thing he could do for the team. They needed a better goalie than him anyways. He found a bottle of ibuprofen in Jordan’s toiletries bag. Maybe. He also grabbed Jordan’s razor just in case. He didn’t wanna make a mess of the bathroom so he sat in the tub, jumping when Jordan started banging on the door.
“Joel?! Joel, answer me?!” He screamed. Somewhere in Joel’s mind he registered that his goalie mentor sounded panicked. He managed to mumble out a reply to let Jordan know he was still alive for now.
Schenn arrived with a half naked Neighbors and Monty in tow.
“Binner what happened? What’s going on?” He asked as he found his goalie banging on the bathroom door of his hotel room. Why had he called them there ASAP? And why did Jake specifically need to be involved in this?
“Thank god you three are here. Hof’s been beating himself up about the game and I think he’s trying to kill himself in there.” Jordan explained. Brayden immediately panicked. He’d been there once when Jordan had nearly had a similar fate. He couldn’t let this kind of thing happen. Jake seemed just as panicked and he started talking through the door.
“Hof? Joel? You in there buddy?”
“Jake?” Joel paused his counting of the small white pills when he heard his friend's voice.
“Yeah buddy. It’s Jake. Can I come in?” Joel sniffled. He knew logically that Jake would be able to help him with his mental state but he didn’t want help. He wanted to be gone and to not have to deal with the ad luck that seemed to haunt him.
“No. Go away. I’m fine.” He said stubbornly.
“Joel, buddy, I really need you to unlock the door for me. Can you do that for me? Please?”
Jordan thought Jake was handling this remarkably well. Although his own experience in Joel’s shoes wasn’t exactly exemplary. All he remembered about that was Schenn, O’ry and Parayko yelling at him to live dammit! Based on the sheepish look on Brayden’s face, his now captain remembered that as well.
All of Joel’s protests stopped when Schenn used his “captain voice" to tell Joel to open the goddamn door. They found the young goalie curled up in the hotel bathtub with a towel around him and the entire bottle of ibuprofen pills on the lip of the tub. The towel was white but had worryingly red spots. Jordan rushed over to his teammate and cupped his face in his hands, checking for any facial damages.
“Hey. There you are. You scared us, pretty boy. What’s goin’ on?” Joel broke down even harder, sobbing and sniffling as Monty helped Schenn lift him out of the tub and onto the hotel bed. Jake retrieved some bandaids for Joel’s wrists while Jordan ran to collect every blanket the hotel had available.
In 15 minutes they managed to strip Jordan’s hotel room of any and every sharp or potentially dangerous object and calm Joel down enough that he could spend the night in Jordan’s arms. He really tried to comfort his fellow goalie, kissing his forehead and telling him that it’d get better but the whole thing couldn’t help but give him flashbacks to his rookie year.
“I’m kinda starting to wanna go wth Hof. hlp.” That was the text Brayden received from his goalie at nearly midnight. Naturally, he gathered Parayko and Nibsy (again. This poor guy’s never sleeping) and entered the goalie’s hotel room for the second time that night where the two goalies spent the entire night in the arms of their loving (and frankly exhausted) teammates. The moment both of them got back they were given multiple therapy appointments and the whole team got yet another training on how to keep your teammate from killing themselves and why therapy is good.