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Henry had made it clear to Alex that he hated New Year's. He never saw the point of it, and it simply did not interest him to try and find out. However, in order to keep up the press friendship, it was required that Henry be at Alex’s New Year's party in DC. Begrudgingly he got himself ready, picking out a colored tie as to escape the comments from Alex about being bland.
The party wasn’t what Henry was most dreading, however. He dreaded having to see Alex. Not because of hate anymore, but because of the embarrassing infatuation that has seemed to overtake his every waking thought. Not even a week earlier during Christmas had Alex called in the middle of the night, showing a part of himself that Henry didn’t know was possible. This Alex that had called had been angry, but sad as well, and Henry had never heard the flame that was Alex Claremont-Diaz so fizzled.
It’s been about an hour since Henry has been at the party, and Alex has barely left his side the entire time.
“I surely hope you aren’t taking pity on me and babysitting.” Henry half yelled to Alex at the busy bar.
“Don’t be too flattered, your majesty.” Alex drawled, the alcohol prominent on his breath
Henry wouldn’t go to the length to say he was flattered, but with Pez occupied with Nora and June, it came as a welcome surprise to have someone hang out with him, even if it was Alex who he was falling for more by the second. The next thing he knows they are on the dance floor, even louder than the bar had been. As if Alex couldn’t have been more exquisite, the sweat on his forehead and his damp curls made him all the more desirable. Henry knew the drinks he’d had were taking their effect because even he could let go and enjoy himself. Suddenly the countdown starts.
10…
9….
Time seems to freeze as Henry only has eyes for Alex, and for a brief moment, Alex only has his eyes on Henry.
8…
7…
It’s an indescribable feeling. It’s as if he and Alex are the only two in the room, not worried about the cameras or the screaming crowd around them. Henry wants to capture this moment and keep it to himself.
6…
5…
4…
It’s sudden but everything picks back up, and Alex is next to him counting down the last three numbers.
3…
2…
1…
The crowd has erupted into a large clamor, but all Henry can focus on is Alex, and the elated look on his face as he and Henry scream “Happy New Year” together. As quickly as the moment happens, it ends just as fast as a girl pulls Alex into a kiss, and directly after her another girl takes her turn. Does it surprise Henry? No. Does it make his stomach turn? Yes. He watches Alex, and though he is smiling, you can tell that it does not reach his eyes, maybe as if he were in a daze. It isn’t noticeable to anyone else in the room, but to Henry it's everything. It could be the alcohol Henry thinks, but something is nagging him. Before Henry can wallow in the self-pity of being just out of reach of Alex, he notices Alex leaving the tent. Henry is now faced with a decision, does he follow Alex out, or does he simply leave himself? His inhibitions are lowered because of the alcohol, so in an uncharacteristic move, Henry chooses to follow Alex out of the tent.
Alex is a bit ahead of him, and Henry can see the tension in his shoulders from the distance between them. He’s confused. Every time he’s seen Alex he’s the heartthrob reveling in the attention that he is shown. It made Henry jealous because he would never be able to have that. Not with his sexuality, especially seeing that not many people know anyway. Henry would never live the open life Alex would, and he resented him for it. He hated that he resented Alex, but it’s hard when he is the direct comparison of their two lives. Alex finally stops at a large tree about 50 yards from the tent. It’s been snowing, but it had seemed to stop sometime during the party, leaving a smooth white blanket leading to the White House. Without trying to startle him Henry finally speaks.
“Alex? Everything alright?”
A second passes.
“Sure. Yeah, everything’s fine.” Alex said.
“I thought you’d still be inside, it being your party and all,” Henry says.
“Am I not allowed to take a second? Why are you out here anyway?” Alex bites back.
It feels as if Alex has retreated into what Henry had known before their relationship warmed, and it pissed Henry off.
“Well, I was checking in on you, but if you’d rather me leave I’d be more than happy to,” Henry says, biting back at Alex’s sharpness.
Expecting a sharp rebuttal, Henry is met with silence, and then a sigh. Alex turns around and Henry can see the tears pricking his eyes. And now Henry regrets the sharp tone he had taken earlier.
“Don’t go. I just need a fucking second.” Alex whispers.
The second turns into minutes, but Henry doesn’t mind waiting out in the cold. He decides to move closer to Alex, an action where Alex does not stop him. Now the two of them are standing side by side looking towards the city lights. It’s quiet, a stark contrast from the party. Henry finds solace in this. Another moment passes and finally speaks.
“I miss being an anonymous person in the world.”
“Can you explain that to me?” Henry asks.
The moonlight covers Alex well, still as beautiful as ever.
“I don’t know, I just miss the lack of responsibility. It was easy and comfortable, an innocence.”
Henry takes another chance, “You seem to enjoy your life now. Don’t you?” He is softer in his tone now.
“Sure. Of course, I am grateful for all the opportunities my mother’s presidency has given me, but it’s still a culture shock. From a pain in the ass kid from Texas, to now the face of America. It’s jarring. There was always an expectation placed on me, even in Texas, but now every minuscule detail is scrutinized. What’s portrayed to the media is just a shell of who I am, but the people want the shell and not the rest.” Alex ends, finally looking at Henry.
“So, the girls in there…” Henry is clicking the pieces together.
“No idea who they are. They just flung themselves at me. Sure the kisses were nice, but it’s not like I asked for them. Like I said, I’m merely the image they see in their magazines, so what they see is what they get.”
Henry truly does feel ill now, but not for the reason he was earlier. Alex gives and gives, and all others do is take. He doesn’t know why he didn’t put the pieces together sooner. Alex was like him in more ways than he wanted to admit. Though Henry never had a choice in his level of fame, did Alex have a say? They were two boys in the world searching for a sense of agency in their lives, and maybe they could navigate it together, if Alex would let him.
“I’m sorry,” Henry says simply.
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because I was wrong about you. For a long time.”
“Most people are, but for what it’s worth in Wales, I was wrong about you too.”
Henry is curious, “Is that so?”
“Yes. You have ties that aren’t the color grey. I say that is a large discovery for me.”
Henry chuckles. “Charming as always Alex. Well it’s getting pretty cold, I’m going to head back in.”
Henry doesn’t get more than a few steps before Alex says his name again. He turns around and sees Alex facing him again. He looked nervous.
“I didn’t want those girls to kiss me.”
“Alex you don’t have to explain, I feel bad for even insinuating.”
“No. Henry, that's not what I mean. I didn’t want to kiss those girls.”
“Alex, what on earth are you getting at?”
Alex lets out a frustrated sigh and walks swiftly over to Henry, grabs the small of his back, and pulls him into a kiss. Now, Henry had read his fair share of romance and Jane Austen, but nothing could have prepared him for this. Despite the force behind the pull, the kiss is soft and slow. Henry quickly falls into Alex’s embrace, and their bodies fit together perfectly. He slides his hand up to Alex’s face, cupping his cheek ever so slightly. It’s vulnerable, two souls baring themselves to each other in the secrecy of the night, but it’s also safe. Henry was truly wrong about Alex, and he would be sure to be careful with Alex and his heart, no matter the outcome of this moment. It’s another minute before Alex breaks the kiss, and he has a slight grin on his face.
“I wanted it to be you,” Alex whispers between the two of them, even though there is no one in sight. He wants to keep this between them and only them.
“I wanted it to be you as well, Alex,” Henry whispers back.
The world could implode right now and Henry wouldn’t care.
“I don’t want this to be a one-time thing,” Alex says, but there is a bit of fear in his voice.
“Neither do I.” Henry says back, which calms the expression of Alex.
“Will you be my invite to the Prime Minister’s dinner?” Alex asks.
“Only if you promise me one thing.”
“Anything, Henry.”
“Don’t let anyone dim the fire in your eyes. You are entitled to your privacy and the life you deserve to live. The world needs a light like you, but they can’t have a light if they burn it out. So take care of that light, and I will take care of it as well. Someone sees you, Alex, for who you are and what you stand for, and know that this person will always support you.” Henry squeezes Alex’s hand and wipes the stray tear from his face.
“Damn H, pursuing a career in writing?” Alex chuckles through the stray tears.
“Perhaps, time will tell.”
They both start walking towards the tent again, relishing the time they still have together by themselves. Their fingers brush for a second, and Henry feels the blush through the cold wind. With one last glance, they enter and go their separate ways. The look was quick, but understanding passed through the two of them that they had each other. It’s a couple of hours later when Henry is on a flight back to London and Alex enters his mind again. He has plagued his thoughts most stunningly. Henry meant every word he said to Alex, and though it is scary to think of his future, he knew he could have never avoided Alex. Alex was a magnet that drew him closer and closer, and Henry in any universe would find himself in the orbit of Alex. He will keep this memory tucked away in a vase back at Kensington, but Henry knew deep down that he was etching his history that would be his own, and only his own.