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"It's unlocked!" the muffled shout comes from behind the door when Kasie knocks and she pushes it open, clicking the lock behind her.
Jess tilts her head back from her spot on the couch. "Hey, Kase," she greets with a warm smile, attention still half on the TV, "iced tea in the fridge for you."
"Thanks."
She toes off her shoes and goes to pour herself a glass, still able to see Jess on the couch over the low divide.
It's a pose she's witnessed so many times – one foot tucked under herself, drink in hand, watching some show – even in the last few months since her move back to DC, but a part of her still expects to see Jimmy there too.
They're having a movie night. The first movie night they've had just the three of them in a few months – since Jess and Jimmy got together really. She thinks they've been getting a feel for how it's all going to work between them.
Although she's not sure they've worked it out at all with how awkwardly they're sat next to each other on the couch, not quite touching.
It's not until Jess glances over at her, catching her questioning stare, and automatically smiles before looking away again that Kasie understands.
They've established how they are together, just not with other people around.
Why does she suddenly feel like she's a practice run? Although, she's actually flattered that she's the person they've chosen.
"Just pretend I'm not here," she offers as she puts the jug of iced tea back in the fridge.
Still, she watches them covertly (because how can she not? It’s in her nature) as he sends her a reassuring smile and lifts up his arm.
By the time she gets to the couch, Jess has shifted so she's curled into Jimmy's side, his arm laying comfortably over her shoulders. It’s adorable and a position she’s never once been able to imagine Jess in, it’s so… domestic.
Figuring if she's going to third wheel (is this her life now? It would probably be annoying if she didn't want them to be happy so badly) she might as well go all out, she tucks herself under a blanket at the other end of the couch, her legs brushing against Jess'.
They’re nearly halfway through the movie before Jess truly relaxes, almost falling asleep as Jimmy runs an affectionate hand through her hair.
It's the most still she's ever seen Jess. And Jimmy looks content too, in a way she doesn't think she's seen him in years. Not since before...
When the movie ends, Jess stretches herself out and tilts her head up to press a lazy kiss to Jimmy's lips. He smiles down at her, all sappy and sweet and like Kasie isn’t even there.
Is this the first time she's seen them kiss? Quite possibly.
It’s like seeing a different version of her friends. She's not sure how she expected them to be in a relationship but they've been trying so hard not to make anything different at work that it's almost been difficult to imagine them at home.
This is a welcomed insight. Even if it means she's going to be an eternal third wheel, she's delighted for them.
It had taken Kasie a while to realise (after some careful observation, it’s in her nature after all) that they hadn’t been ‘off’ at work, they'd been hidden.
And not very well, if you knew what you were looking for.
There had been extra treats brought on nights working late and quiet promises of a cooked meal waiting at home, smiles the same if they were watching the other solve a case or letting themselves be tucked up in a blanket on the couch, stolen moments and silent understanding.
It hadn’t been for anyone else to work out, it had just been for them.
And then it had gone.
There's been a tightness to Jess since she came back from California, a tension that she can’t seem to let go. She’s always in movement, never quite still, never quite relaxed. Even when she’s meditating, there’s a steel core running through her, stiffening her up.
Only those nights in Jimmy’s arms has Kasie ever seen her lean into the stillness.
Now she’s trying so hard to be free, to find something inside herself, but all the while determined to not let anything out.
Kasie knows she's trying to work out how she's going to be, here but not with Jimmy.
And here, watching her sat on the couch, she can see the difference as clear as anything. The way that even when she’s just sat, just watching her show, there’s an extra layer of sadness, despite all the work she knows she’s doing on finding herself.
Picking up her glass, Kasie wanders over to the couch, slipping under the blanket when Jess offers up one end with a distracted smile. Their legs end up pressed together; sometimes the reminder is reassuring.
Because for however hard it had been on Jimmy when Jess had left… she’d left Kasie too. They’d still talked all the time, of course, but it was never going to be the same as weekly podcast nights or grabbing lunch together on slow days.
She’d missed Jess too.
For all that she’d seen the breakup coming, she hadn’t thought Jess would actually move away. She’d known they were going to break up maybe a month before they had, she'd seen them shift away from each other, watched in helpless horror as they’d resurrected the walls they'd so painstakingly taken down over the previous two years.
And she’d worried about Jess too, worried about her and missed her, all the way in California by herself. There'd been a few too many messages sent in the middle of the night, not enough talk of actual friends made.
And Jimmy… Jimmy had attempted to move on. Dating, or trying to, but nothing had ever quite felt right to him, so he’d said. If pressed, she’d say that he’s simply doing a better job of pretending that he's moved on.
Neither of them is over each other.
Sometimes she wonders if it were down to Jess...
Well, Kasie has never been one to not just be direct if she can.
Nudging Jess with her knee, she asks, “Would you get back together?”
It’s out of the blue, she knows, but she also knows that Jess is aware of exactly what she’s talking about, just by the way she immediately stiffens, the ever-present tension becoming palpable in the line of her shoulders.
“What?”
She repeats, “If it were up to you, would you get back together?”
“Kase...” Jess sighs, looking like she would rather be pretty much anywhere but here in this moment.
But Kasie is fed up with her dancing around this, of her pretending like she wants to move on.
Fixing her with her best ‘I’m not going to drop this’ look, she waits patiently as Jess sighs again.
But then quietly, miraculously, she admits, “Yes.”
Kasie wants to be triumphant about it but there’s so much defeat on Jess’ face, she can’t bring herself to celebrate a victory that’s been brought about by so much pain.
Before she can say anything else, Jess is talking again, “But he's family. We just got to a place where we can exist in the same space again, we've got a routine, I've still got Victoria-“ her eyes are fixed on her drink, swirling the liquid around to catch the light- “I'm not willing to shake any of that up again.”
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Kasie calls bullshit as gently as she can. “Yes, you are. You would throw everything up in the air all over again, if you could get any guarantee it would work out.”
For the first time since she’d arrived that evening, Jess actually looks her in the eye. Her expression tells Kasie nothing, carefully blank as it is, but the way she drops her gaze again after only a few seconds shows everything she doesn’t want it to.
“It wouldn't,” she insists quietly, “he's made it clear. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work.”
“It's a choice,” Kasie agrees.
She’s always thought so. Although sometimes it’s been an easier choice than others in her experience.
“And he's choosing not to. I don't blame him-“ the sadness is there again, and the steel core of pure resignation running through her- “I understand.”
Kasie sighs. She understands too; she’s watched Jimmy grapple with this more closely than even Jess has. But still, she remembers every time they'd curled up on this couch together, she remembers the stillness and she remembers the peace.
She knows they're both missing that too.