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Ben was not prepared to be shoved into a janitor’s closet after school by the guy he’s been getting into fights with for the past year.
He was even less prepared to realize that he’s completely fine with this situation.
Ricky shuts and locks the door behind them.
When he turns around, that familiar mesmerizing electricity works its way into Ben’s chest at the sight of that punchable face.
All his attention is on the stupid cheesy-looking greaser in front of him.
“Sorry if I pushed you too hard,” he says, and Ben truly couldn’t care less.
“I’m not a wimp. I can take it.”
“I know,” Ricky returns a soft, teasing smile. His voice grows dramatic, “Anyway, I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here today…”
Ben rolls his eyes. “Yeah. In such a prestigious location, too.”
Ricky’s smile only seems to grow as he gazes at the figure of Ben standing before him, eyes full of something that makes Ben not want to look away.
Ben can feel the strange electricity start short-circuiting his brain, but thankfully, logic ends up powering through. “So, why are we here?”
Ricky looks off to the side a bit sheepishly, much to Ben’s curiosity.
Ben raises an eyebrow in silent interrogation.
Ricky’s mouth opens, then closes. He scratches the side of his head. “Actually, you seemed like you had something. Like, you wanted to talk to me in class.”
Ben blinks in surprise. “Oh. You actually noticed.”
“Well, when you’re looking at me for so long, I…” Ricky trails off.
A blush reaches Ben’s face instantly. “I really didn’t mean to bother you.”
Ricky quickly holds up his palms, shaking them back and forth, “No, no, no! I don’t mind it at all! It’s just kind of, uh,” he traces the outline of Ben’s jaw with his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I get distracted very easily.”
Ben tries to carry on nonchalantly, but he can’t pretend like he didn’t notice that. “Yeah, I do too sometimes, so don’t even worry.”
They’re silent for a little while, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s actually the complete opposite to Ben. He feels like Ricky is the only one he can sit still next to and say nothing without it being awkward at all.
“What were you thinking about in class?” Ricky asks boldly.
They make eye contact again, and something shifts in their expressions. The edges of their mouths tug upwards as if hooked by an invisible line. They feel a flutter of positive energy working itself up inside them. It’s as if just being around each other is amplifying the intensity of their emotions. It just feels good.
Ricky’s eyes are sparkling despite the drab environment of the closet surrounding them. Ben looks softly into them as they talk, trying to focus on telling the lie coming next from his lips.
“I was just thinking, with how often you come over, I should just add your own set of stairs near the window. Then you don’t have to jump in every night like a dumbass salmon.”
Ricky laughs, and it sounds like everything Ben has ever wanted condensed into a few audible seconds.
“What, you don’t want me damaging your delicate floorboards?”
“Yes, but more importantly, you would probably have a lot less bruises if you were a little more careful.”
“You’ve given me a lot more bruises than your floor ever has, Brookie,” Ricky offers a sly smile with that statement.
Ben grits his teeth, trying to calm himself. It’s just overwhelming being around Ricky. He feels joy and guilt mix itself into a torrid concoction in his chest.
“So have you,” is what he settles on replying.
Ricky’s eyes dart somewhere and then back at Ben. “Wanna sit down?” Ben looks to his right to see a fold-up table with a couple of flimsy chairs around it. This must be where the janitors play cards and smoke during their breaks.
“Sure,” Ben says, taking a seat facing the door. He waits for Ricky to slide in across from him.
But Ricky sits down right next to him instead, spinning the chair around to sit like a cool teacher. His arms rest on the top of it, legs splayed out to the sides, toe tips touching the floor. It reminds Ben of how he probably looks when riding his motorcycle.
“You’re gonna sit like that?” Ben teases as Ricky scoots closer.
Ricky scoffs in mock-offense, “What are you, a hall monitor?”
Ben waves him off. “Just a concerned citizen.”
“Well, good sir, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”
“Oh yeah?” Ben challenges, smiling a little.
Ricky leans in close to him, tilting the chair enough off-balance that their knees are touching. Just the contact sends a current of energizing light through each of them. Ben’s smile falters.
Ricky watches Ben knowingly. His voice is only a whisper, forcing him to hang on every word.
“I don’t think that was what you were really thinking about in class.”
Ricky is pretty good at picking up on bullshit. Ben usually likes that about him, but right now, it’s kind of nerve-wracking.
Ben shakes his head, trying to look confused, but Ricky’s proximity is causing him unexpected trouble. “What do you mean?”
Ricky pokes Ben in the cheek. Ben lightly swats his hand away. If this were months ago, Ben would have had him in a choke-hold already.
“I know your lying face,” Ricky teases.
“Uh-huh,” Ben says sarcastically. “No way in hell that’s true.”
“Why is it so hard to believe, huh? We’ve known each other a while.”
Ben considers his words. It has been about a year since they met, and a lot has happened and changed between them. Ricky has grown more enthusiastic about life and school in general, and his happiness seems to have rubbed off on Ben. They always hang out together in Ben’s room, at school, or just walking around Brooklyn. They’re practically each other’s best friend.
It’s because of this history that Ben says his next line with a smug confidence. “You don’t pay attention to anything.”
“Well, maybe I only pay attention to the things that interest me,” Ricky says as he pushes himself back, the chair creaking as it rebalances on its legs.
Ben’s heart thuds, caught off-guard at his words.
“So don’t lie to me, Brookie,” he continues, “I want to know what it was.”
Looking right at Ricky, Ben considers letting everything out. If he just spilled his guts right now, things would be so simple. Maybe they would be easier.
Maybe things would become even harder.
At the last second, he hesitates, sighing, “I’m just scared.”
“You don’t have to be.”
The words hang in the air for just a second before Ricky suddenly takes Ben’s hands in his own, rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs. Ben can feel his palms threatening to sweat. He really hopes they don’t right now.
Ricky smiles gently, using the same tone as someone would to comfort a frightened bird. “There’s no one else here but us,” he says, but Ben can recognize the underlying twinge of fear in his voice.
“I know.” Ben looks shamefully down at their intertwined hands and the floor below.
Ricky’s smile quickly falls into a frown, sensing his worry. He decides to take drastic measures.
He stands up from the chair with some difficulty because he’s still holding onto Ben’s hands. Before Ben can laugh at him for almost falling over, Ricky takes a knee in front of him and recaptures his gaze.
“Hey, Brookie,” he says, quiet and earnest, “Look at me.”
Ben finds that Ricky’s blue eyes serve as excellent distractions from the paralyzing lightning shooting through his body.
“It’s okay to feel afraid,” Ricky says. “I’m here for whatever you’re feeling. And I’ll still be here even if you try to kick me out.”
Ricky gives his hands a reassuring squeeze. His eyes are round and sweet like a poor little puppy dog. Ben tells himself to stay strong.
Stay strong!
Ben gives in. “Alright, I guess you do pay attention some of the time,” he jokes.
Ben feels his hand suddenly being squeezed again, pure glee on Ricky’s face. He doesn’t think that Ricky even realizes he’s doing it the second time. It’s annoyingly endearing. A lot of what Ricky does around him could be described that way, honestly.
Ben finally psyches himself up, letting go of his hands and crossing his arms as he leans back in the chair. He exudes an elusive kind of confidence reserved only for select encounters with Ricky. “So, shitbird, you really wanna know what I was thinking about in class?”
“Yes,” Ricky says so sincerely that Ben nearly fumbles his next words. It’s a struggle, but he does manage to pull himself together.
“I was thinking about you,” Ben says as casually as possible, shrugging as if that outrageous statement were equivalent to talking about the weather or some gum he found on his shoe the other day.
Ricky’s heart thuds with anticipation. He looks relieved but concerned at the same time. Ben fights the growing smile on his face as Ricky delightedly replies, “You were?”
“Oh, of course I was,” Ben replies matter-of-factly. He can feel Ricky’s eyes wandering across his arms, up his chest, then eagerly to his face.
This sends Ben’s heart into a spiral, which tempts him to do something that some would perhaps refer to as evil.
“Actually, if you want to know the specifics, in English class…” Leaning forward in his chair, Ben whispers a few things into Ricky’s ear.
Nothing too scandalous.
It’s mostly about how he feels that beat-up biker jacket really suits him. About how his gelled-up hair actually managed to look kind of good today. About how he caught that proud smile that Ricky tried to keep a secret after Mr. Wilkins effusively praised his knowledge of Chaucer. How Ben wonders what else could get him smiling like that. That when Ricky is in the room with him, he’s all he can focus on. How he’s not going to apologize for staring at Ricky in class. How he likes looking at Ricky in class. How he sometimes thinks that Ricky likes it too.
Ben sees Ricky’s grip tighten on his knee as he talks, much to his amusement.
Well, maybe a little bit scandalous.
“Oh,” is all Ricky can say, wide-eyed and frozen.
Ben smirks. He stands up and takes a couple steps towards the door, well satisfied with the reaction he got. “Anyway, is that all you wanted to know?”
A moment passes, but there’s no response. Just the shuffling of feet on concrete.
Confused, Ben swivels around. “Rick—“ he starts to say, only to feel his back be pushed up against the cold brick wall.
Normally, he would have expected that the breath would be completely knocked out of him by now. But with the damning way Ricky is holding him by his waist and how close their faces are tells him that Ricky has something other than a fight in mind.
“Um,” Ben says intelligently.
His eyes fall to Ricky’s lips just inches away.
Ben has the urge to tease him, relieving the tension by making some kind of joke about how you really can get jumped anywhere in New York, but an uncertain oppressive feeling in the air prevents him from doing anything but breathing along with Ricky. He can smell the remnants of his last cigarette.
What comes next is just five words, and they’re all Ricky can manage to let slip from his lips without pushing them even closer to Ben’s like he so desperately wants to do.
”Ben,” Ricky pleads. “Can I kiss you?”
Ben finds his breath slowing in response.
The world seems to be spinning only a fraction as fast as before. But Ben’s reply is worth the wait.
“Yes,” he says, swallowing thickly. He looks Ricky in the eyes, nerves and excitement intermingling into one entity that pushes him to decisively say, “Please kiss me.”
Ricky does not hesitate to follow through, cupping Ben’s face like a delicate treasure in his hands, pulling his head closer as he pushes forward with his own. They shut their eyes and kiss with certainty, swaying gently on their feet in the dim closet.
Ben wraps his arms loosely around Ricky’s neck as they continue to move their mouths together with slow deliberation, feeling as if any sudden movement would cause such a fragile moment to fall apart.
Ricky’s hand slides up the side of Ben’s face in one practiced motion. He’s made out with girls before, of course. But right now, this feels like a brand new experience, something else entirely, made just for him and Ben.
Ben.
Ben, Ben, Ben.
THIS Ben. HIS Ben.
He’s all he can think about right now. Feeling the warmth of his breath, kissing the chapped skin of his lips, Ben’s hands around his neck pulling their bodies closer—Ricky could live and die in this moment forever with no regrets.
He’s wanted this for so long. And he is not letting this end any time soon.
At some point, Ben takes the opportunity to enact a little variety.
He grabs Ricky by the jacket collar and shoves him up against the wall instead. It takes a little more effort to reach his face being that Ricky is a few inches taller, so Ben decides to try kissing his neck first.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ricky says breathlessly, pulling his head away after the first few rough kisses planted near his shoulder, “None of that right now… You’re…gonna give me a hickey or something.”
Ben’s face is flushed, looking embarrassed and a little ashamed. “Sorry.”
“God,” Ricky says, immediately kissing him with more than enough passion to reassure Ben that things are alright, “No, I’m sorry. It’s just… you’re gonna drive me crazy if you do that.”
Ben gladly smiles into their next kiss. At least he has an idea to try later.
Once their lips start to ache, their legs cramp, and their arms grow tired, they part, now holding each other in a soft embrace.
“I just want to be close to you,” Ricky confesses, burying his head into Ben’s shoulder. His next words are muffled but still said with conviction. “I want to spend all my time with you.”
Ben tearfully smiles, hugging Ricky tight in his arms. “I want that too.” He leans a bit closer to Ricky’s ear, promising with every ounce of determination he can muster, “I’m never ever gonna want you to leave; I hope you know that.”
“I wouldn’t want to get away,” Ricky says, quickly lifting his head to press another kiss to his lips. Ben smiles against him, sighing in contentment and comfort.
After holding each other for quite a while, hands maneuvering soothingly across each other's backs, Ben pulls himself back to look up at Ricky.
Before he can speak, Ricky says the exact words he’s been thinking, “We should probably go home now.”
“Yeah,” Ben agrees readily. “Do you wanna walk together to your bike?”
“Of course,” Ricky squeezes Ben’s shoulders in affirmation. “Then I’ll hop on over after dinner and get to hang out with you the rest of the day!”
“Oh yeah. I guess you will,” Ben replies, already excited to sleep next to him tonight. He thinks for a moment, then asks, “Does this mean we can kiss in bed now?”
Ricky blanches, his face becoming comically flustered. “Um. Maybe not just yet.”
Ben laughs, “I didn’t know your voice could go that high!”
As they walk out from the school’s closet, Ricky wishes he could have that laugh engraved on a record just so he could play it on repeat.