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It’s never enough.
That was what Rin had told Haru before the last regional tournament in their high school life. After almost two years since that day, he still hadn't changed his mind. The time he spent with Haru was never enough. But it was probably going to be never enough for the rest of his life.
After high school and after the national tournament, he had obviously kept swimming, as planned. His results were so good that he had been scouted immediately by an excellent college. He wasn't surprised by that success, not so much. He had done everything he could to enroll in the best school he could find.
Not even beating Haru had shocked him, no.
What had really surprised him was that Haru had chosen his same path. Just when he had felt ready to say goodbye, just when he had finally surrendered to the fact they wouldn’t have been together anymore, right after that tournament, he had seen Haru talking with a scout while shaking his hand. Then, when his friend had told him, with an innocent smile, that he couldn't have let that race be the last one for the two of them, he had almost forgotten how to breathe.
That really wouldn’t have been the last summer he’d have spent with him. It’d felt nearly unbelievable.
Yet… here they were, training together just like before, whenever they weren't busy with college activities.
Smiling by himself while floating on the water surface, Rin observed the sky slowly turning orange over the tall buildings in Tokyo, from the open-air swimming pool that had become their meeting place. Their friends had left a few minutes before and, since Haru was always the last one to go out of the pool, as usual, he had almost never missed a chance to spend the last peaceful moments of the day with him.
Turning, he lazily swam the last length, reaching the pool edge and getting rid of his goggles and cap. Haru was swimming at a relaxed pace towards him and, when he saw Rin had stopped, he disappeared underwater, resurfacing next to him after a few seconds.
“We call it a day?” Rin asked, with a grin, observing his friend taking off his cap and shaking his head.
Haru smiled, leaning to the pool edge. “I think so.”
“I know you want to swim some more,” Rin smirked, hoping to tease him.
In fact, Haru sulked a bit. “Shut up. I can't stay here forever,” he grumbled. “Even if… I'd love to,” he added, a little embarrassed.
Rin chuckled, satisfied, putting his arms on the pool edge as well. “Swimming under the sunset is really nice.”
“Romantic, isn't it?” Haru mocked him.
Rin splashed him, blushing a bit. “Shut up, jerk!”
They remained in silence, floating in the water, observing the last people about to go back home. The evening really was their little piece of heaven in their super busy days.
“During moments like this, I really can't avoid thinking how happy I am you kept swimming, in the end,” Rin sighed, looking up anew.
Haru slowly started moving his legs to float a bit more. “You are the one who jumped to conclusions before asking me what I intended to do, in case you forgot it.”
Rin punched his arm.
“Rather, I am the one surprised by the fact you are still here,” Haru continued.
“What?”
“What about Australia? You seemed so sure about going there, but after more than a year, you are still here in Japan.”
Rin observed his friend for some moments, then he smiled. “After all, I enjoy swimming with you just too much. When you told me you'd go on swimming, I decided to stay here a little longer.”
“Are you saying it's my fault?” Haru muttered, pouting and looking at the water.
Rin giggled, amused. “I might still go to Sydney in the future. You should think about coming with me.”
“I hate English,” Haru replied, looking at him.
They stared at each other for a few seconds, but then they couldn’t hold in a sincere laughter, relieved by that ordinary conversation. Once again, daily routine was what made every day enjoyable.
Rin observed Haru's light smile as he was looking at the sky, next to him. Yes, ordinary routine was the reason why he was still there in Japan. Knowing he could spend every day with that blue-eyed idiot next to him was what was making it worth remaining there. Imagining a life far from him was so difficult.
At the same time, more and more often, he was wondering if living every day keeping his real feelings inside him was the right thing to do. So many times he had tried to speak to him. So many times he had tried to make him understand through words and gestures what he meant to him.
But Haru seemed to live in his own world, a world where his presence was welcomed, yeah, but where his feelings couldn't reach him completely.
With a deep sigh, Rin observed the desert pool in front of him, lifting himself up with his arms to sit on its edge.
“Haru?”
“Mh?”
“Do you… ever wonder how life would have been, if I went to Australia after graduation?”
Haru thought about it for a moment. “More boring, probably,” he answered, in all honesty, in the end, without gazing away from the water.
At first surprised, Rin smiled, tenderly and somehow a bit sadly. “Yeah, probably.” He knew Haru felt that way, but he also knew he was talking about swimming only, or… almost only. He was happy about it, but not completely.
Dangling his legs in the water, he looked down, his expression turning serious.
“Haru, I… Don't laugh if I tell you…” He saw Haru's perplexed face gazing at him and he avoided it, feeling his cheeks warming up. “Well… I'm sure you wouldn't laugh, but…”
He stayed silent for some more seconds, before nervously pushing back his flocks of hair with a hand. “Aaaagh!! Never mind! I shouldn't have talked! Forget it!”
How could he even think he could confess to Haru right now? How could he even think he could tell him the truth at all?! It was only going to be a swing and miss another time. He wasn't really feeling like failing, right now.
Not that not speaking was so different from failing, though.
Putting a hand on the floor, he tried to stand up to go out of the pool, but Haru grabbed his wrist.
“Rin…”
Rin watched his now slightly concerned and a bit curious expression. “I said never mind,” he snorted, trying to get up again.
But this time, Haru abruptly dragged him in the water, with a big splash. “Remember when I told you I would always make you speak?”
“Har--”
“Now speak.”
Rin stared at his cold and severe eyes, dumbfounded. Haru had surely been serious when he’d told him the same thing, now quite some time ago. As serious as his expression was right now, as he was standing in front of him in the pool. He couldn't help but lower his head. Hoping his friend would let all that drop was senseless. He had really dug his own grave, this time.
Haru watched his troubled face, a bit worried, grabbing both his arms, to encourage him even just a bit. “Rin…?” Why was he in such a bad mood, all of a sudden?
As Haru's hands almost reached his wrists sliding on his arms, Rin lightly got free of that catch, taking both those hands in his own, letting them flow underwater while seeking a little comfort. In front of him, Haru was patiently waiting, gently holding his hands as tightly as he was doing with his. Why was there such a mood, now? It really was the wrong moment. Or was it the perfect one, instead?
“I…”
Rin paused, taking some time to decide if speaking was better or worse than trying to run away. Why had he even taken Haru's hands? Not that Haru was minding it. Rather, his friend was now tenderly trying to make him feel better by tightening his catch even more. Why did he have to be so gentle with him? It was… unfair.
“I like you, Haru,” Rin whispered, still looking down.
He almost said it without thinking, caught in the heat of the moment, but regret wasn't reaching him yet.
Haru observed him, confused. “Well, I… know that. We're friends, after a--”
“I knew you wouldn't get it in one try,” Rin interrupted him, with a faint smile.
Sighing, he squeezed Haru's hands even more, not taking his eyes off the water between them.
“It's something more like…” He paused, gritting his teeth for a second, taking a nervous breath. “I'm in love with you.”
He could almost sense time stopping.
A surreal silence fell over them. He was still hearing the sounds coming from the city, but he wasn't sure they were real anymore, in that moment. He suddenly hoped to be in a dream he could wake up from really soon, because he had most likely just done something really stupid. In front of him, Haru wasn't talking nor moving at all, possibly not even breathing. He had probably made some kind of mechanism break.
Sadly smiling of his own sarcastic thoughts, he finally raised his head to look at his beloved one. He was staring at him with his eyes widened, not moving a muscle, but when their eyes met, he could feel the grip around his hands sensibly weakening.
“As I thought…” he painfully smiled. “I shouldn't have said this.” Regret had finally caught up with him. It was weird it had taken so long. Too long. He wasn't allowed to erase every word he had told him in the last two minutes, now, wasn't he?
Feeling tears rising to his eyes, he tried to go away, but Haru's hands let him go only for a short second.
“Rin…” Haru murmured, as he grabbed his arm again.
Rin clenched his fist, avoiding his gaze. “Let me go.”
He attempted to walk away another time, just to let Haru's catch grow stronger.
“Rin, wait.”
He turned. He really didn't want to see Haru's face, nor he wanted to show him his own, but he felt surprised by his concerned yet somehow relaxed expression, enough not to look away.
“I… don't know what to say,” his friend continued.
Rin gave out a bitter smirk. “See? I should have--”
Haru blocked him again. “No, it's just… I don't… I didn't expect you to feel like this.”
“I know,” Rin weakly replied. By now, he wasn't able to hold tears back anymore. Stiffening, he clenched his fist so much his arm was shaking. “Let me go.”
“Rin.”
Gritting his teeth, Rin tried to tug himself free. “Let me go!”
“What would you do, if I let you go?!” Haru exclaimed, getting calm right after to ease his friend's turmoil too. “Would running away… change what you told me?”
Rin stayed silent, letting his tears fall into the light blue water, not opposing anymore. He was right, after all.
“You… told me, Rin, and… Thanks for telling me,” Haru murmured, letting him go and looking down. “I'm… really happy… when you are sincere with me.”
Hearing his honest and a bit shy words, Rin widened his eyes. He didn't know how to read what Haru had said, but he had surely not expected such a tranquil response.
Turning deadpan serious anew all of a sudden, Haru looked at him, frowning. “Stay over at my place, tonight. I refuse to let you go home alone in this state.”
That said, he grabbed Rin's arm again, dragging his speechless friend out of the pool.
Always in silence, they changed their clothes and they rushed to take the train leading to Haru's apartment. While walking the short distance between the station and the building, as for almost all their way there, Haru never let go of his friend's wrist, to prevent him from running away, something that Rin would have gladly done, in all likelihood.
“Are you hungry?”
No answer.
“I'm going to cook mackerel again, if you don't tell me what you want to eat.” Not that there was something else in his fridge, anyway.
Sighing, Haru observed Rin, now silently sat at his table with his legs crossed and his eyes firmly locked onto the dark wood. He hadn’t said a word at all, after having gone out of that pool. Though he could understand or at least imagine his state of mind, he was tired of that silent treatment.
“Oi, Rin.” Snorting, he took a glass of water, walking to him and standing behind his back. “If you don't say something, you'll regret it.”
As a response, Rin curled up even more.
His eyebrows twitching as his patience ran dry, Haru bluntly poured all the cold water in his glass on his friend's head.
“OI!!” was Rin's immediate reply.
Haru gave him a cold glare. “I told you.”
“I told you my ass!” Rin grumbled, irritated but with and extremely red face.
Seeing his utterly embarrassed expression surrounded by his dripping wet hair, Haru couldn't avoid giggling, going back to his stove. “Use this,” he said, throwing a towel at Rin's face, making him complain even more. He had to thank the water another time.
After letting Rin help him wipe the floor, he gave him a change of clothes, letting him use the shower while he went on cooking. During dinner, he managed to make him talk a bit more and, by the time they went to bed, most of Rin's little trauma was gone. He hadn't overcome the embarrassment yet, but hoping he could do that was probably useless, at least for that day.
“Are we meeting at the pool, tomorrow, Rin?”
“I guess so.”
“Time?”
“Don't know, but I might go there a bit earlier.”
“Ok.” That said, Haru got up, while Rin was making himself comfortable on the futon next to his. “I'm turning off the lights.”
“Yeah.”
Going back to his bed, Haru observed his friend hiding under his light blanket, laying on a side, and he stared at his curled up back after lying down as well. He hadn’t expected Rin to be at ease as if nothing had happened, when he’d forced him to come to his place. He wasn't feeling totally okay as well. What Rin had told him was really a huge thing. And letting such a big thing out surely hadn’t been pleasant.
But he felt that sticking to Rin right when he was in that state was the best thing to do. He felt that something inside him would have broken, should he have left him alone with his thoughts.
Looking up at the ceiling, he gave out a light sigh. He wanted to deal with that together with Rin. He had known it since the moment he’d heard his words. He didn't want to waste not even a bit of what Rin’s feelings for him were. He felt flattered by them. And… he couldn't figure out what his own feelings about it were. What he had felt when Rin had told him he loved him hadn’t been sorrow because he might have been forced to reject him. It had been doubt. Rejecting him had never crossed his mind, not even for a moment.
He observed Rin's shoulders imperceptibly moving up and down as he was breathing. Something was telling him that not only he wasn't sleeping, but his eyes weren't even closed, probably.
He turned towards the ceiling again, listening to the nighttime sounds of the metropolis outside.
“S-so… do you want to go out with me, then?”
“Huh?!”
Hearing his surprised voice, Haru saw Rin sit immediately, staring then at him with a raised eyebrow and a bewildered face. Ignoring a little bit of embarrassment, he sat as well, crossing his arms on his knees. “That's why… you confessed, right?”
Even if he couldn't see well, he could bet all his money that Rin had blushed quite a lot.
“N-no, Haru, I just… It slipped out! I… didn't mean to ask you to--”
“It's ok.”
“Huh?”
“If… you don't mind… we can at least… try.”
“Ha… ru…”
Haru observed his own hand, now nervously playing with the other one. “Maybe… it isn't something we should… try. I mean… If it doesn't work out, it could be… bad for both of us, I think.”
“T-that's why--!”
“But, if you are ok with it, I'll go out… with you.”
Rin stared, completely speechless, at Haru's firm and relaxed look. He was a little bit uneasy, but he was serious. He definitely was. How could he even… in such a situation…
“Haru…” he started, hesitant. “Do you… at least realize I'm a… guy?”
Haru replied with a completely innocent look. “So what?”
Rin felt his jaw drop even more. His friend was probably nuts.
Haru noticed his reaction and, thinking better about what he had just told him, he scratched his head, looking down, embarrassed. “I-I mean… after all, I do… enjoy staying with you.”
“It… isn't the same,” Rin mumbled, his voice shaking.
Haru put his hand down, looking at him. “Then we'll see what's different. Together.”
Rin stared at his friend's calm and at the same time determined, deep blue eyes. He couldn’t believe it. “Are you… really sure?”
Haru nodded, with a light smile. “I am.”
Incredulous, the redhead opened his mouth to say his name once more, but his voice stopped functioning as tears started running on his face one after another. He couldn't believe he was being cheered up by him that way, so familiar with what he had said that distant day in Iwatobi, so natural, so simple. No, he wasn't even trying to cheer him up. Those were his real feelings and intentions. And it was better than anything he could have ever wished for. Suddenly, relief and happiness were putting him in a worse state than the one he had been in before.
Seeing him cry like that, Haru observed him surprised and a little worried. He knew Rin wasn't dealing with negative feelings, right now, but he couldn't help but rush to hug him, on instinct, to try giving him some more solace. Rin didn't hug him back, but he did grab his shirt. Amused by that simple gesture, Haru gently caressed his head. “Keep being awfully romantic as usual and I might really fall for you,” he joked.
Rin couldn't avoid giggling through the tears. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Tenderly smiling while leaning on his shoulder, Haru turned just enough to kiss his cheek.
That made Rin sit up and push him away in half a second. He watched him astonished, super embarrassed and with a hand on his red face. That was the second time Haru did something so unpredictable.
“Oi! What--”
“I thought it would cheer you up,” was Haru's simple response.
“That's not… You shouldn't…”
“If we are going to date, this should be normal, right?”
That just made Rin startle even more. Frowning, he stared, dubious, at him. “I'm… starting to think you don't know what you're putting yourself into,” he mumbled, more and more confused.
Haru observed him, not really knowing what to say. He was partially right, probably, but at the same time he was sure that was what he wanted to do. He had rarely been so sure about something.
Looking down, he kneeled on the mattress. “There's… something I don't get, about you,” he simply said, “so I thought that… maybe I could get it, if I stay closer to you.”
It wasn't exactly right, but telling Rin that what he couldn't figure out was part of his feelings for him could have been a bit rash, in such a circumstance. He was really curious to explore the world inside Rin's heart, because he had always felt as if some pieces of the puzzle picturing their friendship were missing. It was a really inexplicable feeling.
Rin woefully scoffed at him, lowering his head. It wasn't that he couldn't believe him. He just couldn't get his weird reasons. He couldn't let him do such a thing probably out of pity or fear.
Yet, he perfectly knew Haru wasn't acting out of such low motivations.
“You really make no sense,” he murmured.
Haru raised a corner of his mouth in a little smirk. “It doesn't seem like you’ve cheered up enough. Do I have to kiss you another time?”
At those words, Rin blushed all over again, shocked. “Are you an idiot?!”
“Oi!” Haru replied, offended. “I do am trying to cheer you up! You are a real mess, right now!”
“You're not really helping fix the situation, you know?!”
“Oh, really?!”
That said, Haru sprang forward to tickle him. Rin couldn't react fast enough, so all he could do was crawl on the floor, trying to escape, with Haru holding on tightly.
“Oi, Haru, you're going to regret this!”
“Make me!”
Finally surrendering for good, Rin fell back down on the floor, his arms wide open, laughing. Haru, still half sprawled on his tank-top, did the same.
After a deep sigh, they stayed there like that for some moments, in silence.
“So…” Rin mumbled, a bit embarrassed, looking away from Haru, who was quietly staring at him with his arms crossed on his chest. “Am I allowed to kiss you too, then?”
Haru blinked surprised, then he sat up, blushing a bit and turning. “It depends.”
Rin sat up as well, feigning irritation. “Oi, that's not fair!”
Haru giggled again, lightly hitting his leg with a punch. “Go to bed.”
He reached his futon, while Rin did the same. Way more relaxed, they both looked up for a while.
Haru could still feel a little smile on his own lips. It had really worked out, in the end, and so soon. He couldn't say he had expected it, but his sincere feelings had reached Rin, somehow. He wasn't afraid of what he had just promised him. He’d rarely felt like that, as if that was exactly what he had to do. His decision to follow him anyway and anywhere wasn't wavering at all. It was strange. And it felt safe.
“Rin…”
“Mh?” his friend replied, without moving.
“I do like you a lot.”
“W-what?” Hearing his words, Rin laid on a side, looking at him, in a flutter all over again. “I-in which sense?”
“I don't know,” Haru answered, in all sincerity, facing him too. “That's why I want to accept your feelings.”
“I… see.”
Haru stared at him, feeling a bit sorry, this time. “But I… don't want to give you false hopes. Do you think you can handle this? Do you… want to be with me anyway?”
Rin smiled to him, tenderly. “Absolutely.”
Doing the same, Haru pulled out a hand from his blanket, holding it out to him. At first surprised, Rin gave him a grateful look, before taking it, and they fell asleep like that, hand in hand, cradled by the certainty of each other’s closeness, in that moment and for the days to come.
*
Time passed and they stayed faithful to their promises, cherishing one another without rushing things. While Haru never tried to be unnecessarily affectionate just because of Rin's feelings, Rin never made those feelings weigh on him. The time they spent together actually increased a lot, though it never felt particularly couple-like, aside maybe from them, especially Rin, blushing over apparently not very big deals or ordinary situations once in a while.
They were focused on re-discovering each other. It was a show of good faith, where nothing was hidden or unsaid anymore, between them. Staying true to themselves, giving proof of outright trust was their only condition and everything had gone on just fine. It was as simple as that.
“It was obvious they would leave us alone,” Haru sighed, observing the park where they were having a walk. They had gone out with their friends, that evening, but at some point, everyone had started finding some really lame excuses to go back home and Rin was currently really irritated about that.
“You don't say!” was his sarcastic reply. “You told Makoto about us the day right after I confessed, and within a week everyone knew! It's just obvious they keep acting like this, now!”
“Are you still angry about it?”
“You can bet on it!”
Observing his sulky expression, Haru gave out a light smirk. What Rin had said was true, after all. As soon as he had met with Makoto, he hadn’t been able to hold back from telling him he and Rin would have started dating. After some confusion and surprise, his friend had laughed of his serious yet excited expression, telling him he looked really happy about it.
And it was just as he’d said. Since then and to this day, after about five months, he couldn't get why he was so happy about it. It was as if that had been the best choice he’d ever made in his life. He was doing something both for Rin and for himself. It just sounded so perfect. Nothing had changed between them, but there was this little added value to their relationship that made everything… better.
“Where are you going?” Rin asked, perplexed, seeing him go down the stairs near a little canal.
“I want to sit down,” Haru replied.
“What? Tired already?” Rin grinned.
Haru snorted at him, sitting down on the grass, and falling on it with his arms wide open. Nature in such a huge city really was a life saver, sometimes.
“Can you come to the pool, tomorrow?” he asked Rin, while he was sitting down as well.
“I think I'll be able to. Maybe late at noon.”
“Ok.”
“I won't be able to come to your place for dinner, though.”
“That might only be good, since you are spending more time at my place than at your own, lately.”
“What?!”
“My neighbors may start to wonder things.”
“What, are you afraid they might find out?”
“Do you want them to find out?”
“Heck no!”
“See?”
Rin snorted, irritated and a bit embarrassed.
“I will need some help with English again soon, anyway,” Haru added, sitting up.
Rin chuckled. “Pfft! You are really hopeless.”
“Shut up!” Haru protested, blushing. “Makoto is almost worse than me.”
“Haha! We could arrange another study session all together, then.”
“Good.”
“I love tutoring you. I can give you punishments if you don't study,” Rin smirked, satisfied.
Haru pouted once more. “You are enjoying this a little too much.”
“Yeah, since you have to buy me dinner, if you don't get good grades.”
“Idiot,” Haru grumbled, looking away.
Rin giggled, amused, and Haru, noticing it, did the same, watching him again.
They stared at each other, with a little smile on their faces, for quite some time, before realizing none of them was about to speak. Only their eyes showing signs of nervousness made them become aware of the awkward atmosphere suddenly fallen onto them.
There was a strange kind of suspense, as if both were expecting the other one to do something, and such a mood was just perfect for something that had yet to happen, between them. Understanding they were both thinking about it was very easy to tell, though they couldn't get if they were the one supposed to take action or the one supposed to wait and see if something was really meant to happen. For that doubt, they ended up lowering they heads, embarrassed and with their hearts pounding.
That was quite the weird situation, with one of them still trying to figure out his feelings and the other one not knowing what he was allowed to do and to expect because of that reason. They both knew it all too well because they were spending every day hoping to find a common ground.
But maybe… not actually looking for it.
What if what was troubling them in this precise moment was exactly what they needed?
Nervously playing with his hands, observing the river in front of them, Haru contemplated that silence, that failed romantic mood oppressing them. To drop the subject or not to drop the subject? All that was slowly starting to seem quite stupid. Maybe it was better to get up and go home. He really needed a deep, relieving breath, first, though.
“Oi, Haru…”
Rin's voice made the air he was about to let out get stuck in his lungs. His heart probably performed a front flip, before he could turn towards his partner.
Rin wasn't feeling any better, but he went on.
“Can I…” he started.
Embarrassment was absolutely killing him, but he was suddenly tired of fearing what might or might not happen.
“Can I…” And he turned towards Haru. “… kiss you?” he finally asked, though glancing away another time at those words.
Haru stared at him, surprised by the fact he had actually asked that. Rin was looking at the same time really serious and really fearful, even if his face was probably extremely red, at the moment. He didn't know what to answer. He hadn't even expected Rin would ask.
However, he did know Rin was holding back from doing and saying many things, to respect their implicit agreement to take things slowly. He had no clue about how a kiss was supposed to feel like or how it was supposed to make him feel, but maybe, after all those months, he could grant him at least this much.
“I… guess you can,” he answered, a bit uneasy.
Rin timidly looked at him, frowning. “But… not as you did last time.”
That was clear enough, but he was so embarrassed he had to point it out.
Ignoring his heart doing another flip, Haru pouted too. “Well, it was pretty obvious, since I caught you staring like an idiot at my mouth more than once,” he grumbled.
Rin gritted his teeth, turning even redder. “I'm sorry I'm so obvious!!”
They both gazed away, embarrassed, ending up in silence one more time.
Haru observed Rin with the corner of his eye. He was angry. Ruining the moment again was a waste, probably. And… he couldn't deny he was somehow curious.
Raising a hand, he lightly grabbed Rin’s sleeve. “Anyway… you can.”
Rin watched him, surprised. He hadn't imagined it would have been so easy.
“W-well, then…”
Moving a hand on the grass, he looked at Haru, almost trying to see if he was going to change his mind, before uncertainly moving closer.
It was a really simple gesture, yet doing it was awfully difficult. One centimeter per time. After all, there was no need to rush.
Haru quietly let him go at his own pace, but, though he had intended to wait patiently, once Rin was within reach, he moved a bit towards him, parting his lips, because it just felt… natural. He found himself surprised by the sudden realization he wanted to kiss him and also by the gentleness Rin touched him with.
A really light touch. That was how their first kiss felt like. It was just a matter of a few centimeters of skin making contact with each other. Yet…
Right after their lips separated, Rin stole another kiss with a tiny smack, before pulling back. He observed Haru in silence, trying to understand how he was feeling before even paying attention to how he himself felt.
“Are you… ok?” he shyly asked, seeing he was a bit confused.
“Yeah…” Haru answered, staring into space while touching his own lips.
Rin raised an eyebrow. “You don't… look convinced.”
Haru finally closed his mouth, though still looking at the ground. “Maybe we should practice.”
This time, Rin's eyebrows twitched, offended. “O-oi, was it that bad?!”
“No, just…” Haru raised his head, his eyes shining with something that looked like interest or thrill. “We can do it more!”
Rin blinked perplexed. Haru was talking about kisses as if they were a movie or a type of food he really liked. That made him burst into a soothing laughter. Such innocence and unawareness were really like him. He could never picture Haru in a sentimental situation. He looked so out of place, in a romantic relationship, yet he was trying to do his best. From an outsider's point of view, that could have felt somehow forced on Haru's part, but to him it was one of the best displays of love Haru could have ever given to him. Haru wasn't cut out for complicated relationships, so the simpler it was, the simpler he could tell he was really learning to love him, unconditionally, as he had probably always done as a friend.
Haru, next to him, stared, surprised, at his reaction, but then he sweetly smiled of his happiness. They had made another little step forward. It wasn't much, maybe, but every time it happened, he couldn't help but feel extremely content. Was he really in love, after all? If so… well… it wasn't so bad.
He let Rin accompany him at home, as it often happened, vice versa as well, whenever they were hanging out nearby the respective places. Saying it wasn't necessary had always been useless, but this time he didn't even mind telling him to go home.
Once in front of his apartment, he smiled at Rin, a bit amused by his shy behavior. “Goodnight, then. See you tomorrow.”
Rin smirked, embarrassed, his hands in his jeans pockets. “Goodnight.”
Haru gratefully smiled one more time, before opening the door. It was the first time that greeting him felt so… yeah… romantic.
“Haru…”
As he heard Rin's voice, he turned when he felt a hand grabbing his wrist and pulling him. Surprised, he found Rin's lips on his own again. For a second, it was as if time had stopped, but then he closed his eyes for a moment, returning the kiss, his right hand still on the doorknob. It was already different, from the way Rin was pressing his lips on his to the feelings they were sharing. It was sweeter. It was… somehow perfect.
When Rin let him go, he giggled. “This one was better.”
“Shut up, idiot,” Rin grumbled, turning crimson.
Haru smiled at him, about to close the door.
Then he observed Rin again. “Do you want to stay over?”
“Huh?!”
“What?” Haru asked, perplexed by his troubled reaction.
Rin frowned. “Don't say these things after…”
“After what?”
“T-there's still a weird mood, right now,” Rin replied, blushing. “If I stay over, I might spend the night wishing to kiss you or--”
Haru raised an eyebrow, unruffled. “Are you trying to tell me your self-control sucks this much?”
Rin's face caught fire even more. “HUH?! I didn't mean--”
“There won't be any danger, as long as you don't try to strip me.”
“OI!!”
“If you start acting weird, I'll punch you, ok?”
“Do you want me to stay over that much?” Rin asked, with an irritated grin.
Haru turned again, to go inside. “You are the one with ‘I want to stay over’ written all over your face.”
“What?!”
“Pervert.”
“WHA--!”
In that moment, Rin noticed Haru's neighbor watching them before opening the door to his flat. After some seconds of awkward silence, the man walked in, greeting them with an uneasy bow. They did the same, not speaking a word at least till the door was closed.
“This is… really embarrassing, after all,” Haru mumbled, his face getting red as well.
Rin scratched his cheek. “I agree.”
“Sorry for playing around.”
“No problem. I… swear I won't kiss you again, for today.”
“Might be a good idea.”
“Thanks for killing the mood.”
“You're welcome.”
Rin made a step inside the house, pausing for a second. “Is… a good night kiss ok?”
Haru vaguely blushed, still acting bothered. “But only one.”
“Idiot.”
“Jerk.”
That night, they fell asleep in each other’s arms. After such a romantic evening, Rin couldn’t resist for long on his own futon and Haru, at first surprised when he rolled by his side curling up against him, simply smiled of that, circling his shoulders in a gentle hug.
The morning after, they had breakfast and got dressed as if everything was still as usual. Only after putting on their shoes, about to head to the respective workplaces, it became hard to deny that everything, inside, and outside them, had changed color another time.
“Then… I’ll take my leave,” Rin mumbled, embarrassed, about to grab the doorknob. He didn’t, though.
Haru watched him perplexed, since now he was just looking down, with a hand behind his neck and his mouth open as if he were about to speak.
When Rin timidly looked at him again, anyway, he immediately understood what was troubling him and he waited, without saying anything, till Rin gathered enough courage to lean forward and kiss him goodbye, once, then twice, before hugging him and sealing their lips together for more than a couple of seconds.
When he pulled back a bit, Haru smiled of his need for cuddles, hearing him groan disheartened before holding him tight another time.
“Do I really have to go?” Rin complained, his face buried in his boyfriend’s shoulder.
“I’m afraid you have to,” Haru chuckled, stroking his back before making him let go. “We’ll meet at the pool after school, anyway, so don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying, jerk,” Rin grumbled, blushing.
Haru warmly smiled. He really was easy to read.
Putting a hand on his arm, he got closer, amused by the stupefied expression he saw on his face a moment before tenderly kissing him. “See you later, ok?” he whispered, still close enough to his lips to be able to kiss him one last time.
Rin stared at him for a few seconds, his eyes widened and his mouth still open. Then his face turned incredibly red and he almost slammed it against the door before opening it.
“Y-yeah, bye,” he muttered, in total chaos, running out after stumbling on the doorstep.
Haru giggled by himself, closing the door behind him. Rin was a funny puzzle: only after his confession, he had been able to put a lot of previously unseen pieces together. Not only about Rin's life.
He would have followed him wherever he leaded. That was what he had promised both to Rin and to himself quite some time ago, by now. He was happy. He really was happy. Just like that day, when Rin had started crying all of a sudden in his living room, telling him he wasn't satisfied with the time they had spent together. What would have happened if he had told him about his sincere feelings, about the reason he had cried during that tournament, in that distant moment?
He had always longed to be with Rin. He had always longed to be acknowledged by him, not only as a swimmer, but also as Nanase Haruka. The doubt Rin was only interested in his swimming abilities had always lingered in his heart, silently. Finding out it wasn't like that, finding out that he was as important to Rin as Rin was to him had made a lot of chains break. Chains to the past, chains to the future, chains to the fear of being forgotten or left behind, one day. It was taking some time, indeed, but Rin was breaking them one after another, every day, every second.
Rin had turned his past self upside-down. Rin had changed his future. Rin was the key to unlock all the safe cages he had secured himself into. Yes… Rin had definitely set him free.
But he had absolutely no intention of ever telling him that was the reason he loved him.
For now.