Work Text:
Toto only noticed it himself a few weeks ago. He'd always found Ron attractive, sure, who wouldn't? His tall sharp nose, striking blue eyes, those lips frequently curled into a sardonic grin. Hell, even his messy hair added to his alluring charm. Lately though, Toto had found himself distracted by other facets of Ron's persona. The pose he struck when he'd figured out a case, his eyes lighting up with a passionate fire. The dorky way Ron was a bit clueless about society, sort of like a bumbling puppy. Even more so, the deep way Ron cared about people, his passion for others.
After mulling it over a bit, Toro had come to the conclusion that he harbored a bit of a crush on the taller man.
He'd been debating whether or not to confess his feelings to his partner when Ron, seated across from Toto at the small coffee shop they were passing time in, let out a long groan and buried his face into his hands.
"Ron?" Toto was puzzled by this outburst. "What's the matter?"
“You are my affliction.”* came Ron’s response, slightly muffled by his hands still hiding his face.
Toto recoiled slightly, confused and a bit hurt. What was that supposed to mean? He guessed he should've expected that Ron would deduce his feelings towards him, but he hadn't expected such an overt rejection. Mulling over this quietly, he somberly stirred his tea, chin in hand. He glanced at his partner, who was still mumbling to himself. Ron had never done anything to intentionally hurt him, so there must be a reason for this odd outburst. Toto figured that Ron would eventually reveal the reason to him, Ron reveled in dramatically flaunting his deductions. At the same time, Toto wondered if it would be better to push down these budding feelings towards his partner before they could go any further.
*******
Ron's behavior continued to grow stranger in the following days. He kept making comments of some fantastical nature. Toto didn’t fully understand what they meant, the only conclusion he could come up with was that they were disparaging Toto's feelings towards him in some way. Toto became less sure that the comments were innocent and more sure that Ron was taunting him in some way. Toto was hesitant to call him out on it, not wanting to jeopardize their friendship, as well as their professional relationship. And, if he was being honest with himself, having to hear Ron voice out-loud in a clear confirmation, that he was disgusted by Toto's feelings towards him, was an unnerving prospect that made Toto sick to his stomach.
It first happened again when they were in the convenience store at the end of Ron’s block, Toto having agreed to help Ron stock up on groceries for the coming week. Just as he was reaching for a package of nori, he heard Ron’s intake of breath and turned slightly.
“You are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires, night and day.”*
Like the previous comment, this one was uttered softly enough that Toto was unsure whether he meant to have heard it or not.
The bane of his existence? Toto had thought. That can’t be a good thing.
The next instance came while they were investigating a crime scene. Ron was caught up in his deductions and failed to notice a tree branch in his way as they made their way towards the evidence tent. Toto reached out without thinking and grabbed onto Ron’s hand to steady him. Ron stopped completely, staring at him.
Toto flashed him a small smile. “Watch where you’re going, okay?”
He had walked forwards a few paces before realizing that Ron had not moved. From behind him, Ron’s voice carried forwards.
“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.”*
Toto frowned slightly, and hurried forward, no longer caring if Ron was left behind. Later, he noticed Ron staring at the hand Toto had held onto when he tripped and was flexing it slightly.
How rude. He huffed. What’s his deal? I can’t even touch him anymore?
The third time, Toto wasn’t entirely sure if Ron’s comment was aimed at himself at first, but he decided he was insulted by it nonetheless. Ron had been across the room of his apartment, looking out the window pensively when Toto had heard a sigh and looked up.
“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”*
This sounded forlorn even to Toto’s ears but he still bristled with indignation. Obviously this was a comment about Toto’s ill-fated crush on Ron and how he was never supposed to bring it up! The audacity Ron had!
******
Eventually, as things like this tend to do, it all came to a head while they were working on a particularly troublesome case. Spitz had come over to help them track down the culprit who had fled the city and they were bent over the computer monitor.
“Looks like he’s hiding out in an abandoned industrial park on the outskirts of town.” Spitz zoomed in further on the culprit’s tiny red dot. “It’s pretty gross, seems people have been dumping trash there for years.”
Toto had just volunteered to go to hunt down the culprit in person when he felt Ron's eyes on him. He glanced up and made eye contact with Ron, their gazes holding for a brief moment before Ron turned away and scoffed.
The muttered comment “The hell where you are is my paradise.”* obviously wasn’t meant to be heard by him, but the words drifted into Toto’s ears regardless.
Toto felt numb and empty inside. He couldn’t guess what Ron meant by this comment, but he was sure it was about him and he was sure Ron supposedly being in hell with him was a bad thing. He was so sick of Ron's cruel joke and after so many days of this treatment, he couldn't help it, his eyes welled with tears. Ron looked startled when he looked at him again.
"Toto, are you crying?"
Toto felt something in him snap.
"Fuck. You." Was all he bit out as he stalked from the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
*****
It didn’t take long for Ron to find him. After all, the park he was in was only a short distance from Ron’s building. Toto was angrily pacing back and forth when he saw Ron’s figure approaching him. He kicked the dirt in front of him in irritation. Why couldn’t it have been Spitz who followed him?
Ron approached him apprehensively, as if scared that Toto would blow up at him again. Ron’s fears weren’t entirely unwarranted but it served to irritate Toto further. Great. Now he’s scared of me too.
“Toto.” By this point Ron was in front of him but Toto chose to ignore him.
“Toto,” Ron tried again. “Come back to the apartment.”
Toto frowned. “No.”
“What do you mean, no?” Ron sighed, reaching up to pitch the bridge of his nose with his hand. “We don’t have time for this and you’re being childish-”
“ Childish?! ”
“Well that’s how I would describe stomping out of an investigation for no reason.” Ron was starting to appear irritated as well.
“No reason?” Toto hissed. “You honestly think it was for ‘ no reason ’?”
“Toto your behavior was irrational and I just don’t understand why-”
"I'm sorry I like you okay?!" Toto yelled, unable to hold it in anymore. "I'm sorry, I can't help it, but you don't have to be such a- such an ass about it!"
Ron froze.
"You like me?" His voice barely more than a whisper.
Toto scoffed. "As if you don't know."
"No, I don't know. Toto, what are you talking about?"
The genuine confusion in Ron's voice caused doubt to seep in. He looked at Ron warily.
"You're saying you had no idea I had feelings towards you?"
Ron looked overcome with emotion. "No, really, I- I wasn't aware." He finished lamely, looking down at his shoes.
"You want me to believe that the world's greatest detective couldn't figure out that his best friend had a crush on him?" Toto's voice took on an incredulous tone.
Ron shrugged helplessly. "I'm not really.....familiar with these types of things." His face was turned away, lips set in a firm line, obviously embarrassed to have admitted such a thing.
Toto threw his hands up, exasperated. "Then what was with all the weird comments this week?"
Ron suddenly blushed, his embarrassment growing. "Well you see, uh.....Ilikeyou, and I didn't know how else to handle it."
It took Toto a few seconds to parse out Ron's rushed, jumbled words and when he did, he suddenly felt extremely dizzy.
"What the fuck." He shook his head as he slowly sank to sit on the soft earth beneath him. Ron seemed extremely agitated as he shifted from side to side in front of Toto.
"Toto I mean it. I've never liked a person before, and well no one's ever liked me either and I didn't know how to respond to suddenly feeling all these things towards a person and I've only ever read about this kind of stuff and all these quotes from literature kept coming to mind and I-"
Toto had put his hand up, halting Ron's clumsy speech. "Stop. Just stop talking for a bit." He said tiredly, massaging his temple with his hands. Ron huffed, crossing his arms over his chest with a frown.
A part of Ron's speech stuck out to Toto. "Quotes?" Ron glanced at him.
"Yeah you know, lines from Jane Austen, Victor Hugo, Nosferatu and such. I wanted to flirt with you but I didn't know how. I didn't realize maybe they weren't coming across the way I meant." Ron examined Toto's thoughtful expression. "What'd you think they were?"
Toto hummed. "I thought you had figured out I had a crush on you and were mocking me for it."
Ron looked a little lost before sinking down to sit beside Toto.
"I'm sorry Toto, I wouldn't do that, really, I was just caught up in myself."
Toto hummed again, looking up at the sky. "You really like me then huh?"
Ron's mouth parted slightly, and he turned to fully face Toto. His face took on a determined look, and Toto turned to face him as well, amused.
"I, Kamonohashi Ron, like you, Isshiki Totomaru."
Toto snorted. Ron looked a little crestfallen at this response, but quickly returned to staring defiantly at Toto.
"Say it again."
Toto saw surprise briefly enter Ron's eyes before returning to his determined glare. He scooted closer to Toto, their knees touching.
He leaned in slightly, "I like you, Toto."
Toto felt a little bit breathless at their proximity and he searched Ron's eyes for any hint of deceit but could find none.
"Again," he breathed. Ron leaned in even closer still, making Toto gasp with how close he was now, but he didn't dare move away. Ron's face was merely inches from his own, his eyes holding a sort of frenzied desperation.
"You have bewitched me, body and soul and I- I- I love you.”*
Toto doubted he would've heard the last part of this exclamation had their bodies not been pressed so closely together and he was struck by how, in this moment, Ron seemed almost small and scared, so unlike his usual disposition. Toto grabbed the back of Ron's head and pulled him forward, their lips crashing together. Ron made a sudden, pained whimper at the contact, fingers desperately grasping at Toto's shoulders to pull him closer.
Toto pulled back slightly, the ghost of a smile pulling at his lips. "You idiot" he murmured, rubbing his nose against Ron's own. "I'm not sure if I love you yet, but I definitely like you still."
"Still?" Ron's voice was hopeful.
"Still." Toto confirmed. "In the future if you have something to tell me, be more direct about it, okay?"
"Okay" Ron looked at him with wide eyes, reminding him of a big, sad puppy who had been reprimanded by its owner. Toto's grin grew and he grasped Ron's hand in his, dragging him up to his feet.
"Where are we going?" Ron seemed slightly puzzled but allowed himself to be dragged forward.
"Your apartment. Tell Spitz to leave."
"Oh. Oh ." Ron was silent for a moment. "Can I kiss you again?" He asked shyly.
"As many times as you want."
--------
Ron would still wax poetic literature at him, but Toto was used to it now and felt a spark of warmth in his chest whenever Ron would direct his verbal affection at him. Currently, Ron was gazing at him from across the kitchen counter.
“You are more myself than I am.”*
Toto smiled to himself before replying. “Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.”*