Chapter Text
“Guys, guys! Look at this article!” Tony shouted, nearly tripping in his hurry as he burst into the living room of Avengers Tower, his Starkpad raised high like it was the Holy Grail.
Bruce, who was lounging on the couch with Thor, barely looked up from the soft, content cuddle they’d been sharing. It wasn’t unusual for Bruce and Thor to spend their downtime this way—Thor had an uncanny ability to make even Bruce’s inner turmoil feel calm. But the second Tony’s voice rang out, Bruce sighed, already knowing that something chaotic was about to unfold.
Thor, looking completely clueless as usual, glanced over at Tony. “What is it, Tony? Is it about that new ice cream shop you keep telling us about? Because I will admit, that was quite delicious.”
“No, no! Forget the ice cream—this is way more important.” Tony practically threw himself onto the couch next to Bruce, thrusting the Starkpad into his face. “Look at this.”
Bruce took one glance at the screen, and his face immediately turned the shade of a tomat. The article read:
Is Bruce Banner Getting Absolutely Railed by a Norse God?
By BuzzFeed News Team
April 27, 20XX
New York, NY — In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming, Bruce Banner—the mild-mannered genius who’s also the Hulk—has become the subject of some very interesting gossip. And we’re not talking about his scientific breakthroughs or latest Hulk-related incidents. No, we’re talking about his sex life—and more specifically, his relationship with none other than Thor, the god of thunder.
Following an exclusive set of very public photos showing Bruce and Thor holding hands, sharing a kiss, and generally acting like a couple that definitely isn’t afraid of PDA (public display of affection), the internet has gone absolutely wild. But it’s not just the romance that's sparking debates—oh no. The real drama is all about who’s on top in this godly relationship.
The Top/Bottom Debate:
Let’s get into it. According to fans, the question on everyone’s mind is: Is Bruce Banner the top or the bottom in this relationship?
Now, for those who might not be familiar with the internet’s intense scrutiny of couples, this is a very serious question. The internet has erupted in what can only be described as a heated debate, with some people claiming that Thor’s dominant godly presence makes him the clear top, while others argue that Bruce’s quiet control of his inner Hulk makes him the one in charge.
“Look, it’s obvious,” one fan writes in a now-viral post. “Thor might be all godly and thunderous, but Bruce can literally smash anything. If there’s anyone who’s gonna top Thor, it’s him.”
But wait—there’s more. Fans have been taking to Twitter and Reddit to analyze every move the two make, with one user even creating a detailed chart comparing their ‘dominant traits.’ According to this chart, Bruce’s calm demeanor and intellectual prowess make him the perfect match for Thor, but some argue that Thor’s physical strength and larger-than-life personality mean he’s definitely the one in control.
One fan even commented, “I bet Bruce is the type who acts all shy at first, but then once he gets comfortable, he’s the one calling all the shots. Thor’s just there for the ride, really.”
The Photos That Started It All:
If you're wondering how things escalated to this point, it all started when a couple of intimate photos of the pair surfaced online. One shot shows the two of them strolling through the streets of New York City, holding hands in a way that suggests they’re not just ‘friends.’ In another photo, Thor and Bruce are seen deeply kissing outside a café, with Thor’s hand placed firmly at the small of Bruce’s back—leading to an even more intense fan theory that it’s Bruce who’s the submissive one in the relationship.
But the real kicker? The internet is so obsessed with this new power couple that it’s begun analyzing every small interaction between Bruce and Thor. One video going viral on TikTok even slowed down a clip from one of their many joint appearances to analyze the body language between the two.
“Watch Bruce’s eyes,” says one TikTok creator. “Look at how he’s directing Thor’s movements when they’re walking. It’s like he’s already in charge of the relationship. Thor may be strong, but Bruce knows how to keep him in line.”
The Verdict:
The internet continues to speculate endlessly about Bruce and Thor’s relationship, with debates raging on about who’s top, who’s bottom, and whether or not this will change the dynamics of the Avengers going forward. But one thing’s for sure—this whole situation is not going away anytime soon.
As of this morning, our poll was almost evenly split, but there’s no denying that everyone is very invested in the answer.
POLL TIME:
Is Bruce Banner a Top or Bottom? You Decide!
🔹 Top. Bruce is the dominant one.
🔹 Bottom. Thor’s in charge here.
🔹 I have no idea. Please stop asking.
Bruce groaned, rubbing his temples. “Tony, are you kidding me?”
Tony was already grinning ear to ear, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, I’m not kidding. And here’s the best part.” He began scrolling through the article, not even trying to hide his amusement. “BuzzFeed is actively debating whether or not you’re the top in this relationship. You’re practically a celebrity, Bruce!”
Bruce looked over at Thor, who was still lounging happily, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing. “Are you really okay with this?” Bruce asked, voice strained.
Thor tilted his head, genuinely confused. “What do you mean, Bruce? You are a great scientist, and I am a god of thunder. Is this not what humans do when they care about each other? They... share their truths with the world?”
Bucky, who was sitting nearby on a chair with Steve, looked over the back of the couch at Tony, completely intrigued now. “Wait—are they seriously questioning who’s on top in this relationship?” he asked, looking more bemused than concerned.
Clint, overhearing from the kitchen, snorted. “Now that’s a headline I didn’t expect to see today,” he added, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Guys, guys! This is so much better than anything we’ve ever faced,” Tony laughed, zooming in on the fan polls embedded in the article. “People are obsessed with whether Bruce is a top or a bottom. It’s like... the big debate of this year. There’s even a bracket for it!”
Bruce, who’d gone an even more impressive shade of red, now looked like he might collapse from sheer embarrassment. “Tony, I am not doing a press conference to clear this up,” he muttered, his voice sharp with annoyance.
Tony’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Come on, Bruce. You could be the first Avenger to host a press conference about your love life! Think of the PR, man. You could totally deny the ‘top’ allegations and say you’re just really into power dynamics, but you’re not all about that—you know, a whole classy, respectful ‘I’m more than just my sexual role’ kind of thing.”
“I’m not telling the world about my sex life, Tony,” Bruce said firmly, clearly mortified by the entire situation. He glanced back at Thor, hoping for some support, but Thor was still completely confused.
“Why does it matter if you are the top or bottom?” Thor asked, genuinely trying to wrap his mind around the concept. “I am... I do not understand. We are simply together, and this article... it is about how we love each other, yes?”
“Exactly,” Bruce muttered, clearly exhausted. “It’s about us. Not whatever this... ridiculous debate is.”
Steve, who had been quietly observing the situation while sitting beside Bucky, raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I didn’t think the ‘who’s on top’ debate was something people cared about this much... but now I’m kinda curious.”
Clint, from the kitchen now with Natasha leaning in from the doorway, couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh, this is gold. I can’t believe you guys are the subject of an internet debate on who’s the ‘dominant’ one. If anything, Thor’s way too confident to be the bottom, right?”
Thor’s eyes widened, and he blinked at Clint. “Wait, do you think I am the bottom? I thought it was Bruce who was—”
Bruce buried his face in his hands. “Thor, no, just... don’t. Please don’t make this worse,” he groaned.
Meanwhile, Natasha leaned against the doorframe, clearly enjoying the chaos. “So, who do you think is the top, Tony?” she asked with a smirk.
“Why do you think I’ve been showing everyone this article?” Tony quipped, glancing at Natasha. “I’m just here for the drama.”
Steve, ever the voice of reason—even when the team was spiraling,—stood up and walked over. “Okay, okay,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “So, the world’s obsessed with Bruce and Thor’s private life. What are we supposed to do about it? I mean, it’s none of our business, right?”
“Oh, we’re definitely not doing anything about it,” Bruce shot back, his voice dry. “But if Tony keeps sharing articles like this, I might have to get really angry. And that’s not something I want to deal with right now.”
Thor, still completely baffled, shrugged. “I don’t mind the attention, honestly. If people wish to talk about us, then let them. But I will never understand why they are so concerned with who leads in... our personal affairs.”
“Because, Thor,” Tony said, finally wiping a tear from his eye as he tried to regain his composure, “people love a good shipping war. They just wanna know who’s the most powerful—in every way. And apparently, that includes bedroom power dynamics.”
“Okay, well, that’s a whole new level of weird,” Clint muttered, still grinning.
Bruce leaned back, utterly defeated. “Great. Just what I needed today.”