Chapter Text
The same scene replayed in his head. Every day, and every night since he'd awoken from his coma two weeks ago. In the dream, he finds himself staring at the ruins of the Resistance Base from behind his stormtrooper helmet. As he stares through the helmet he finds a blaster pistol in one hand, and lightsaber hilt in the other. When he looks in front of him, he sees Rey standing amongst the flames and ash around them. Tears glisten on her cheeks as she opens her mouth to tell him, "I'm so sorry, Finn... I-"
--and every time, he wakes up.
"So, you ready for the mission tomorrow?" Poe said, but no reply followed. "Finn? You alright, pal?" Suddenly, Finn snaps out of his day dream. He looks around and sees Poe and other pilots sitting around him in the mess hall of the Resistance Base. He looks down at the table and sees his platter full of bland oatmeal and a cup of water. He hears the noise of the mess hall. Finally, he shrugs his shoulders and sighs.
"Yeah...I'm fine, sorry. Just thinking about something." He said as he pokes his spoon at his oatmeal.
It had been a long two weeks. Lately, he'd been focusing on regaining his strength, and trying to take his mind off of Rey's well-being. He was sure she was safe, she was off somewhere training to become a Jedi by Skywalker himself. If anything, she was probably safer than he was, but he tried not to think about it too often. She was safe, and that was all that mattered.
As the other Resistance pilots at the table returned to their chattering, Poe put a hand on Finn's shoulder and spoke softly.
"Listen, Finn, are you sure you're okay? I mean, I know you're worried about Rey, but she's fine, I promise. If something's really bothering you, don't be afraid to talk to me about it, alright?"
Finn turned his head to face him. His face softened as he spoke.
"I know, Poe. Is the General around?" Poe smiled and cocked his head towards the entrance of the mess hall, where General Leia had just appeared, speaking to a Resistance cadet.
"Thanks." And with that, Finn sprang from the bench and made his way towards the entrance, leaving his tray full of food at the table. A tray which Poe promptly decided to help himself to.
He approached the General, suddenly unafraid of interrupting whatever conversation she was having with the cadet.
"Excuse me, General, may I speak with you for a moment please?" He asked.
"Oh- good evening, Finn." She looked at Finn, and then back at the cadet in front of her before continuing. "Finn, this is Kyle. He's a cadet here and I was wondering if you'd like to help him get ready for the scouting mission tomorrow. It will be his first official deployment."
Finn looked at the cadet. He looked young, around the age of 18 or 19. He had blonde hair, green eyes, and a mole on his lower left cheek. Finn found himself staring at the cadet a little longer than normal, but he couldn't help it. Something was different about this cadet, and Finn's heart dropped as he felt a strange combination of emotions form on his face. The cadet's appearance reminded him much of-
"Finn?" General Leia's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Did you hear what I said?" He quickly composed himself and looked at the General.
"Um, yes ma'am. I'll make sure nothing happens to him. He'll be safe with me." He faked a confident grin before remembering why he came to her in the first place.
"Actually, General, there was something I needed to talk with you about. It's about the, uh...dreams." General Leia's face changed from her usual neutral expression, to a concerned and worried look. Truly, she was the closest thing to a mother he'd ever had.
"I see..." She then looked the cadet. "Cadet Kyle, I'll speak with you later. Finn will give you your briefing. Until then, get some food. You deserve it."
Kyle saluted and walked away, taking Finn's spot on the bench with Poe and the other pilots. Leia lead Finn out of the mess hall and into her office. She closed the door before sitting at her desk and gesturing for Finn to take a seat as well. Leia felt Finn's internal distress through the Force. Ever since he'd woken from his coma, he'd told her about his recurring nightmares. Each nightmare had something to do with the First Order rising and the destruction of the Resistance, and those he loved.
Leia had told him that while he was in his coma, he would often have to be restrained and given a sedative. As he slept in the medbay, Dr. Kalonia would report of him having sudden outbursts. He would thrash and scream in his sleep, and the medical equipment around him would appear to shake and rumble. This had led General Leia to believe that there was more to Finn than any of them had expected.
"So..." The General began, "what was this dream about? Anything different or was it the same as the others?" She asked, hands clasped on the desk. Although Finn normally hated reliving the nightmares, the only time he felt the strength to talk about them was with the General.
"It was the same...I feel like it's getting worse though. I'm seeing it more often than usual. First it was certain nights, then it was every night, and now I'm seeing it during the day as well. I don't know what to do." He admitted, looking down at his lap.
"I see. And...the person you're seeing in the dream. Still Rey, or someone else?"
He frowned and closed his eyes.
"Still Rey...She keeps apologizing about something. She looks scared. I can't tell if she's injured or not, but she definitely looks afraid. Afraid of me." He said, but this time he felt his voice chip towards the end of his sentence.
"Is there anyone else in the dream this time? Anyone besides you and Rey?"
"No, ma'am. Just us, I think...I can't really tell. It's so short, but it's the same sequence. I find myself in a stormtrooper suit, and I'm looking at her. She apologizes, and I wake up. That's it. Nothing else." His jaw clenches. He's hiding something from her, hoping that she doesn't press any more questions, but he knows she will.
"And why do you think she's afraid of you? Are you threatening her in any way? She wouldn't be afraid of you if you weren't holding some sort of weapons, right?"
"..ma'am...I..." He starts, but she doesn't let him finish.
"I know, Finn. We've been over this before, and I understand. You're holding a lightsaber in the dream. This is why I believe you may have a connection to the Force as well. And the voices you heard back on Takodana?" She was referencing the screams Finn heard of the New Republic when it was destroyed by Starkiller base.
Finn dropped his head in exasperation and cupped his face.
"I don't want to talk about the voices, General. There were hundreds of them, millions of people in my head for those brief seconds. So many people died, and I heard all of it. Felt all of it...I don't ever want to experience that again, which is why I don't want to become a Jedi. I just want to help the Resistance, and if that means sticking with blasters, than that's all I need right now."
General Leia was disappointed to hear this from Finn, but she figured time would help. If the Force was truly with him, he would learn to embrace it, not fear it. The galaxy needed more Jedi like Luke and Rey, and the next most eligible she saw was Finn. She looked down at her desk drawer for a moment, and opened it before speaking again.
"I respect your choice, Finn, but I want you to know that right now, the galaxy needs the Jedi. Desperately. And right now, I think you've earned this." She reached into the drawer and pulled out a lightsaber hilt. "Take this. You'll find better use for it than I will."
His eyes widened for a moment as he gazed at the silver object in Leia's hand. She continued.
"Luke made this for me years ago in case I'd ever decided to become a Jedi. I never really felt like it suited me, but you, Finn. You deserve this. Take it. I think you'll be better off with it than I would."
He looked at Leia and the hilt before reluctantly accepting it.
"General....are you sure I'm ready for this deployment?" he asked.
Leia's face soften and she smiled tenderly towards him as she nodded her head.
"You'll be fine, Finn. Just trust in the Force, and everything will be alright..." She took his hand looked into his eyes. As she did so, she felt something else in him. "...and you'll see Rey again." His heart skipped a beat as she said this. She really did feel something in him.
There was a sudden knock on the door, prompting Leia to let go of Finn's hand and answer it. It was Poe letting her know that he'd gone ahead and briefed Kyle on the mission so that Finn didn't have to. After Poe'd walked away, Finn placed the lightsaber hilt gently in the pocket of his new jacket before getting up to go to his bunk for the night. He said good night to the General and made his way down the hall, when she beckoned to him from her office one last time.
"Hey, Finn. You'd told me that you'd scored 35 out of 36 shots in one of your training simulations, is that correct?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am. What about it?" he asked from down the hall.
"Well, other Resistance fighters have seen you in action, and they've seen you train. Some of the things they tell me just don't seem possible for just some ordinary stormtrooper. And not just any old stormtrooper could have that type of aim in both simulations and real firefights. How do you think that's possible?" she winked at him.
He felt himself grin at her as he continued down the hall. Perhaps she was right. There was no way he made those shots just out of luck. The Force was indeed with him. Now it was up to him whether or not he would accept it...