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Sometimes it was easy for Sokka to forget that he was actually important to others, that others appreciated him for who he was. He knew that his friends and family loved him, that Zuko loved him, but sometimes it just felt like he was unimportant in the grand scheme of things, especially compared to the rest of team Avatar.
Aang was the Avatar, Zuko the Firelord, Toph invented metal bending and Katara was the best healer around, as well as one of the best waterbenders in the world. Even Suki, as leader of the Kyoshi warriors, was quickly becoming an important political figure, as well as one of Zuko's most trusted guards.
He was just Sokka. Yes, his father was Chief of the Southern Water Tribe, but that was not a hereditary position like in the North. If people knew him, it was always "Ah, the brother of the Avatar's wife" (which he also thought was rude towards Katara, she should get recognition for her own accomplishments) or more often lately: "Ah, the husband of the Firelord". Never did people know him for what he did in the war, or for all the things he was doing now. In the grand scheme of things, compared to the people who he was close to, he was just a nobody.
He didn't dare to voice this thought to Zuko though. He knew his husband would be quick to try to convince him that it wasn't true, but all the facts spoke for themselves.
Like the last time everyone from Team Avatar was together. That was in the Fire Nation and the court painter saw that as an opportunity to paint Team Avatar together. Although it quickly became clear that by "Team Avatar", he meant the Avatar and his bending teachers. They all protested at that, with Aang pointing out that Sokka and Suki were just as much part of the team as the rest. He could see that this painter didn't believe that though and that stung. He had been part of the Fire Nation court for years at that point, and somehow they still couldn't see that he brought more than just humour and a pretty face to the table.
It wasn't only people that just didn't really know him though. He still remembered how during the war Toph just dismissed him from a fight ("We can still take them, three on three." -"Oh sorry, I didn't count you, no bending and all.") And sure, he didn't have bending, but that didn't mean that his fighting just meant nothing? At least he liked to think so, but often during the war he couldn't escape the thought he was failing them all, with his plans that didn't work out and with fighting that just couldn't do anything useful against bending.
And then there was the promise that he made his father, that he would protect Katara. He always would try, he knew that, but during the war he clearly failed. Katara ended up in harm's way more often than he could count. Tui and La, the reason that Zuko was struck by lightning is because Azula was aiming it at Katara, and he hadn't been there like he promised his father. He knew that on that day of the comet he was in the place he was needed, but sometimes he couldn't help but feel guilty that he wasn't there. With this sister and the guy that in the following years would become the love of his life.
So if you asked Sokka, if you needed to name the person from their little group that was the most unimportant, it was him and he would do everything to keep everyone he cared about from getting hurt. Even if that meant that he would get hurt himself.
Assassination attempts on a Firelord were nothing new, if you bothered to read up on the history of them, which Sokka did (don't judge, the history of Firelords and the Fire Nation is quite interesting, if you ignore all the murderous and world ruling ones like Ozai, Azulon and Sozin). Firelords often had multiple enemies that would love to get rid of them, so trying to kill them was once common.
When Zuko first became Firelord, he sometimes had multiple attempts on his life in a week. He mostly reacted very flippantly to them, which stressed everyone out. Now though, after years and years of him being the Firelord, the Fire Nation thriving and the world in general being in a good place, the attempts had died down to almost none.
Almost.
They were taking a break in the palace garden. The day had been very tiring so far, the whole week really if Sokka was honest with himself. So they deserved a break. Sokka was sitting with his back against a tree, reading a play Zuko had recommended to him (it had drama, it had romance and the writing was exquisite). He held the scroll with one hand, the other was buried in Zuko's hair. Zuko was lying with his head in Sokka's lap, eyes closed with the sun on his face.
Looking at his husband face, Sokka couldn't help but sigh fondly. Zuko really needed this moment of rest. He had hardly slept the last couple of days, which was a bad habit of Zuko whenever he got busy, so seeing him now, finally getting some rest, really made him happy. His heart also fluttered seeing Zuko so absolutely content in his lap, his, he sometimes still couldn't believe that this amazing man had fallen for him. He wished he could take a snapshot of this moment, of this feeling. It was absolutely perfect.
But not for long.
There was a faint sound that sounded like that snapping of a bow, and almost immediately after that, an arrow embedded itself into the tree with a thunk, right next to Sokka's hip and centimeters away from Zuko's head.
Zuko's eyes snapped open immediately and Sokka could feel the adrenaline coursing through him. "Quick, behind the tree!" He shouted towards Zuko, while hauling him upwards. There was an absolute volley of arrows raining down on them, but luckily they all seemed to miss so far, falling in the grass beside them or in the trees around them.
The tree trunk was thick enough for one person to stay comfortably completely behind it, but it was too thin for two. Sokka quickly took a look around to get an idea where the arrows where coming from and then pushed Zuko rather harshly so that he stood completely behind the tree. "Stay here, they obviously want you, so whatever you do, stay out of their range and behind here."
"Obviously I can stay here, better than be pierced by - Sokka, what are you doing??" Zuko looked at him in terror.
Sokka sighed while unsheathing his sword, silently thanking the himself of this morning that he had his sword with him today. "I'm going to try and run towards where the arrows are com - "
Before he could finish his sentence, Zuko pulled him towards him. "Absolutely not, for Agni's sake Sokka you can't run towards them when we're being assaulted by arrows!" As to emphasize his words, an arrow flew by them, narrowly missing Sokka's arm.
"And why not? We can't stay here, and the guards are probably far away because we're in the middle of the palace. This is supposed to be a safe space for us! I'm not losing you to this, so something has to be done."
"Well think of something else, love! Because I'm not losing you too, and your plan sounds like the most self-sacrificing plan you have ever made, and that is saying something. You can't run out there by yourself just to save me!"
"I'm not thinking of something else. We can't just wait for them to run out of arrows while being half exposed, that's asking for trouble. If I run out there, they can focus on me and you can stay safely here. Either they run out of arrows or I find them first, but - " Sokka had to interrupt himself to duck, an arrow only narrowly missing his head. Zuko clearly saw that as an opening to talk to him.
"Or you get hurt, did you think about that? Seriously hurt. Please Sokka, I beg you, use that brilliant mind of yours to come up with something else instead of arguing with me about it. You know I will be running after you right?"
Gripping his sword, Sokka quickly looked Zuko in his eyes. They shone with absolute terror, probably reflected in his own eyes. He gave himself a moment to take him in. He was standing in a bending stance, trying to use his fire to burn all the arrows that were coming their way. There were simply too much of them to get them all. His hair was ruffled, the crown on his head slightly askew. He was also the most beautiful man Sokka had ever seen and he would do everything to protect him. He quickly took Zuko's head into both his hands. If this was the last time he could ever look at him, he would indulge himself a little. He quickly gave Zuko a kiss, trying not to linger.
"Don't come running after me, I love you." With that, he took off to where he saw the arrows coming for earlier.
"Sokka, SOKKA! Don't do this to me, you absolute -."
Sokka wished he had the opportunity to listen to his husband's voice some more, because even when berating him his voice, even as raspy and filled with panic as it was now, was something he was going to miss if this went wrong. Believe him or not, he knew this could go wrong very quickly and he wasn't stupid enough to pretend otherwise. But this was the plan that would keep Zuko the safest. He could say all he want he would run after him, but he wouldn't want Sokka to get hurt in vain. So he would doubt about it long enough that Sokka could reach the archers and take them out, hopefully. He also hoped there would be guards here by now to help him.
Running while being absolutely pelted with arrows was quickly becoming something Sokka wouldn't want to do again. His heart was in his throat as he run through the garden to the stone wall around it. There, at the top of the wall, was a person sitting crouched and firing as quickly as they could. Just as Sokka reached them and they tried to pick another arrow and point it straight at him, a burst of fire blew past him and threw the person of the wall with a scream.
Sokka quickly turned around. Standing behind him, hands outstretched, was Zuko.
"Zuko?! I told you to stay behind, you -."
He was interrupted by Zuko pulling him to the ground, an arrow flying over their head.
"Let's argue about this later yes?" Zuko said, panting. He looked at Sokka with a glint in his eye. "I'm not letting these guys getting away with trying to murder my husband, nor me for that matter."
Together, they quickly found a flow for getting through the arrows. They had sparred together so often and they knew each other so well that they quickly reached the other archers. Some guards also finally decided to show up (they really needed to have a talk with them after this, this couldn't happen like this again), so they made short work of the others.
"What do you want us to do with them, my Lord?" One of the guards asked while gesturing to the apprehended archers that where slowly being gathered and bound by other guards.
"Put them away, we need to question them later." Zuko said. After that he turned to some other guards. "Can you walk with us to our chambers? I don't want to take any chances right now."
"Of course, my Lord."
During the walk Sokka tried to catch Zuko's gaze, but he seemed to stubbornly avoid eye contact. The adrenaline was slowly fading and most of his body ached from all the action they just had. Mostly though, he just wanted to make sure Zuko was okay. It had been a while since there was an assassination attempt, longer even for one that had come this close. But with Zuko this stubborn in not wanting eye contact, he just had to wait a bit before he could ask. He knew his husband, no one was more stubborn than him and him avoiding his eyes like that meant he absolutely didn't want to talk just yet. It was better to wait until they had some privacy.
Soon they reached their chambers and after a quick look through it, it was deemed safe for them to be there on their own. Closing the door behind the guards and nodding to the ones that were posted next to their doors, Sokka turned towards Zuko.
"Well, that was quite the active afternoon, are you alri- ."
He suddenly had his arms full of Zuko, who pulled him towards him and engulfed him in one of the fiercest hugs he had ever received. He hugged him back as hard as he could tucking his head into Zuko's neck. He could hear Zuko mumble something under his breath.
"What was that dear?"
"You can never do that to me again. Don't go running into danger just to keep me safe. My safety isn't worth that."
"Of course your safety is worth that."
"No, no it isn't." Zuko straightened to look Sokka in the eye. Now Sokka could see why Zuko had avoided his eye contact earlier. There was still some residual of fear in them, but what was mostly shining through right now was frustration and anger.
"Zuko, dear, it was never my intention to anger you."
"Don't you dear me right now Sokka, you just, argh." In frustration Zuko let go of Sokka to start pacing, tiny puffs of smoke coming out of his mouth.
"Zuko..."
"No, please Sokka, let me find my words and finish."
Sokka shut his mouth. This was one of the first thing they implemented in their relationship. Although Zuko was Firelord and had to talk a lot for that, in personal and emotional situations like this he often lost his words, finding it difficult to communicate when his emotions were high. So they quickly found out that giving him a moment to collect himself and let him think about his words was better for their communication and their relationship as a whole.
After a while Zuko stopped his pacing and looked at Sokka. "It pains me that you feel like my safety is worth everything, even if it will get you hurt, or worse, will get you killed. And you showed that again today when you ran away from me just so that I could stay safe."
Sokka looked at him in confusion. "But I love you, I love you so much and I can't have anything happen to you. You are worth everything to me Zuko, everything. You have to understand that right?"
"Of course I get that Sokka, I feel the same about you, but you have a tendency to think that others are worth more than you, my love. Your first plans are often the ones in which you will get hurt, or can get hurt, while the others stay safe. When I tried to get you to come up with something else you completely ignored that, because you cannot understand sometimes that others care as much about you as you about them. The reason you want to keep me safe is the same reason I want to keep you safe. And I need you to start to understand that Sokka, I cannot go through this again."
Zuko took a deep breath, reaching out to take Sokka's face in his hands.
"You are important to me Sokka, and when I say that my safety is not worth you getting hurt, I mean that my life would be so much worse without you in it. You get me, you are one of the only people around that I feel I can be myself with. You are the most important person in my life and my life would loose so much colour if you were no longer in it. And even you getting hurt would give me a heart attack. You do not need to be the shield for others, let others also shield you, let me shield you. You are worth it."
Sokka let out a nervous chuckle and cleared his throat. His eyes were watering. "Wow you really read a whole lot of plays huh? That was quite the speech dear."
Zuko scoffed. "You knew when you married me I liked that stuff Sokka, shut up." He leaned forward such that their foreheads touched and he could stare into his husband's eyes.
"I also meant what I said, every word of it. I can't have you jumping into danger just to save me. You really need to start believing that we find you just as important as the rest of us, that I find you important. Do you think your sister would be happy with you getting yourself killed? That Aang or Toph would? We all just want you to be as safe as the rest of us. I know changing the way you think about this will be difficult, but we really need you to try. I need you to try."
Sokka couldn't help it, he started crying. All the adrenaline from before combined with the words that Zuko just said made it all too much. He fell into Zuko, convinced his husband would catch him.
Zuko just held him, softly kissing the top of his head and muttering sweet nothings to him as he cried. Objectively, he already knew everything Zuko said to him, but as rational as he sometimes believed himself to be he still sometimes felt like he was unimportant. Hearing the words though, he knew he needed to try and start believing he wasn't.
"You know, I know you are right, but I was just always the one that had to defend everyone. When dad was away and I was the oldest capable of fighting at home and during the war when before you joined I was the oldest. It's just hard to change your way of thinking about yourself even if you rationally know that what you believe about yourself is not the truth. I know you care, I know the others care, but there is this voice in my head sometimes that makes me believe otherwise. That makes me feel unimportant compared to everyone else."
Zuko hugged him harder. Giving him comfort, letting him know he was there and listening, even if he didn't know what to say.
Sokka sighed. "I will try to work on it, but especially when in situations like that, when we need to decide quickly what to do I just tend to want to do anything to keep you safe and forget myself. I don't know how to change that."
"I don't know either love, I wish I did, but I can try. The only thing I can do is just telling you and showing you that you are important and that you are loved, over and over and over again. So much so that you will probably get annoyed with my dramatic self, because you know I will become absolutely dramatic about it if you let me," Zuko smirked lightly, but sobered quickly.
"Just let me love you so much that the next time we are in a situation like this you hear me in your head instead of that voice, telling you you are important and loved, so so so loved, and that you need to come back to me after whatever genius and harebrained plan you come up with."
"I can let you love me, that's not a hard task," Sokka said while raising an eyebrow suggestively. He knew falling back on humour was a coping mechanism, but he was also very quickly running out of energy and he needed to bring a much needed levity back into their conversation.
Zuko chuckled. "You are an absolute menace sometimes, you know?"
"I'm your menace though, husband."
"Oh you absolutely are, and I'm not letting you go anytime soon."
"You better not, I can't handle not having my loving dork of a turtle duck in my life."
"Sokka, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!"
They looked at eachother for a second, before bursting into laughter. It felt good, after the day they had, to joke around a bit together. Sokka buried himself further into Zuko, for how much that was possible.
"You know, I don't really have the energy to really talk further, but I was listening to you and I can promise to try to be better about believing myself to be important in the future. Just know I love you and that every action I take is coming from love and isn't meant to hurt you."
"Oh Sokka, I know that and I also know it won't be easy for you. You trying is enough, it's more than enough."
Sokka kissed Zuko again, before trying to detangle himself from him a bit. "Good, that's good." He stretched a bit, feeling his muscles protest from all the stress.
"Do you want to join me for a bath? I really need to relax a bit and let my muscles rest. The stress from everything and our emotional conversation has made my muscles very tense."
"Oh yes please, a bath sounds exactly like what I need. You want me to massage you for a bit?"
"That sounds great, yeah, if you could that would be lovely."
They turned towards their bathroom, but before they could enter Zuko stopped Sokka.
"Hey, I love you. I'm glad you're alright."
"I love you too, I'm glad you are alright as well. It has been such a long time since the last attempt on your life, I feel like we almost got complacent."
"It was and maybe we have been, but luckily we're fine. How angry do you think Katara will be in her next letter when we tell her this?"
"Oh very angry I think, but also relieved that we are alright. I think Toph will be worse to be honest. She never does well when you almost get hurt."
"We, when we get hurt, love," Zuko said to him knowingly. "Now come on, let's get into that bath."
Sokka exaggerated his groan a bit while following a laughing Zuko to their bathroom. It was going to be hard to change how he thought about himself, but he owed it to his friends, his husband, but mostly to himself to try and change it. He looked into a passing mirror, whispering a quiet "I'm important" to himself before following his husband into the bathroom. This would get better, he knew it, and if he still had trouble he had people around him to help him remind him. He would be fine.