Chapter Text
🧡 Ellie
“Why did you come back here?” Ellie asked for the umpteenth time as they sat on a bench overlooking the sea and cliffs that glowed golden in the fading evening sun. It was not their bench, that one was currently occupied by a group of boisterous teenagers, whom Hardy might have liked to arrest just because it forced them to find another spot to recap their day.
Next to her Hardy crossed his arms in front of his chest as he stared straight ahead. Ellie could not say why she had asked again. Maybe it was some kind of ritual they had established over the past few weeks since he appeared back in Broadchurch Constabulary as if he had been gone for a weekend off, not two bloody years without so much of a word to let her know he was still alive. She must have asked the question a hundred times by now, whenever there was a chance or when he complained about one thing or another that bothered him about living so close to the sea or in a town so small. By this point she was not even expecting an answer anymore but still posed the question. Habit, she had to presume.
“Why did you?” Hardy posed the question right back at her. “After Devon, I mean. You could have made a fresh start somewhere else,” he elaborated, stringing more words together than Ellie had heard him previously use, except when he was venting his frustrations over something or other.
Devon. Ellie frowned and directed her gaze towards the cliff as she pondered his question. She had thought about it, had spent countless nights at war with herself, wondering if it might not be better for her, for the boys and everyone if she sold the house and started a new life somewhere else, but that would have meant Joe won, would it not?
Just like the cliffs which had been in Broadchurch forever, she did not know anywhere else. Her roots were in Broadchurch, she had lived in the area her whole life. The sand, the sound of the sea and gulls screeching, the salty air coming in from the ocean, she would miss it terribly. It had always been hers, long before Joe moved into town and they built a life together, only to have it shatter into a million pieces almost thirteen years later. He had ripped everything out from under her, making Ellie question all of her life’s choices and costing her her job, her son and her sanity for a while. She had got it all back, but even now there were still some days where the normalcy of it all was hard earned. To move away from Broadchurch would have meant admitting defeat, maybe even guilt and it would have meant Joe won in Ellie’s mind. She could not bear the thought of that happening.
“It’s home,” she said simply, for once not in the mood to elaborate. Where would she have gone if she decided to leave? Hardy had left Sandbrook when the case fell apart at the trial, and still the press had found him. They would have found her, too, she was sure. Moving away could not free her from the past, nor would it make things any easier for her boys.
There was another reason, though, one Ellie had never shared with anyone and never would. A hope and a wish that could only be whispered in the darkest hours of the night when it could pass for the figment of a dream. If she moved away, Hardy would never have found her again.
She had hoped he would come back. Every day she had longed to hear his Scottish burr and flinched whenever she spotted someone in town who vaguely matched his looks. No, she could never have left Broadchurch after he had cut all ties. Like the cliffs, steadfast and rooted in Broadchurch – and sometimes falling apart, too – she needed to stay where he could find her. Of course, he could always find her, he was a detective, after all and a good one, too, but Ellie felt that if she left Broadchurch, she would kill that tiny spark of hope that kept her going on tough days. They were entwined in some strange way, a bond forged by shared horrors but unbreakable because of it.
Broadchurch was the place they had met, the place where they found friendship and loyalty amidst the nightmares of their lives. Leaving town made Ellie feel like she was breaking that bond and even though Hardy had left Broadchurch behind and moved on to try and reclaim his old life, Ellie did not feel ready to let go of him.
Ellie shook her head as if clearing the cobwebs of her thoughts and letting them disperse in the salty breeze of the ocean. It was no use clinging to the past. Hardy had come back and she should just accept that as it was. Why did she need a reason? It would not change the outcome and that was what was important. Not why or how or when but that she had him back with her. Her partner. Her friend.
“Come on,” she mumbled, getting to her feet among the lengthening shadows. “Time to head back.” It was getting late and both Hardy and her had a home to get to. He was no longer the loner living in a hotel room or that blue shack by the river, but a single parent with a teenage daughter waiting for him. Ellie’s own sons were waiting as well, together with her elderly father who had moved in after her mother’s unexpected death. Ellie held back a sigh. She would need to prepare dinner when she got back and try to tackle some of the chores that never seemed to lessen these days. Maybe she would finally get around to iron the two baskets of laundry that had been sitting accusingly on top of her dresser for almost a week.
“Alright, uh, see you tomorrow, I guess,” Ellie mumbled softly as they parted ways on the pier and headed in opposite directions towards their respective homes. It was time to get back to the real world that often consisted of household chores and life as a single parent, not clinging to the past and wondering about what ifs or the never ending mystery that was Hardy.
💙 Hardy
‘Why did you come back here?’
‘For God’s sake!’
‘Why did you come back here?’
‘I told you why!’
‘Why did you come back here?’
‘Why did you come back here?’
“Why did you com-‘
Hardy sat up suddenly, gasping for air and clutching at his chest out of sheer habit. He scrunched his eyes closed against the light coming through the slits in his blinds and tried to slow his breathing. Despite knowing that there was nothing wrong with his heart, that the pacemaker was still there and doing its job, that there was no pain, no iron band squeezing his lungs, no threat of an impending hospital visit, his mind ignored the lack of signs and tried to convince him he was in mortal agony.
He inhaled slowly, filling his lungs with the breath his brain insisted it wasn’t able to catch, until the panic subsided, then he flopped backwards onto the bed. He hadn’t had a nightmare in years, but since returning to Broadchurch they had found him again, having seemingly hung out in the salty air, waiting for his return.
Hardy scrubbed his hands over his face and turned to look at the alarm clock. Not quite five a.m. Too early to get up, too late to go back to sleep. He growled in frustration and lay on his back, his eyes idly tracing the Artex patterns on the ceiling.
‘Why did you come back here?’
Funnily enough, in the time since he had returned as Broadchurch CID’s Detective Inspector, he had never once asked himself that question. Miller asked it often enough for the both of them. Nothing but the truth would satiate her incurable curiosity, and only last night she had asked him again. She wouldn’t rest until she knew he had told her the real reason for his return. She was like that. She had a nose for it, as Bob Daniels would say. The ironic part was that she probably already knew; subconsciously maybe, but she knew as well as he did.
’Would you stop fiddling?’
’Something is bugging me!’
A soft knock on the door startled him momentarily.
”Yeah?”
”You okay, Dad? I heard you shouting?”
”Stubbed my toe. Nothing to worry about, Dais,” he fibbed.
”Eejit.”
There were shuffling sounds and Hardy heard Daisy’s door click closed. He let out the breath he had been holding, staring up at the ceiling again.
He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to go back to sleep but he already knew it was futile. The familiar restlessness was already thrumming to life and pouring into every part of his being, pushing him toward the constant motion and ever present unrest he felt. The only time this rip tide of anxiety settled was when he was around Miller, whose purpose seemed to simply be present while he fretted and paced until he eventually tired himself out into a Stillwater of calm.
‘Why did you come back here?’
Hardy snorted to himself. “The real question is ‘Why did I bother to bloody leave in the first place?’,” he muttered, glancing at the clock again. It was still too early to get up but he wasn’t going to get anymore sleep and lying here doing nothing would only irritate him further. He got out of bed and looked out the window. It was quite clear this morning. It looked chilly but that wouldn’t bother him. He stripped off his pyjamas and pulled some joggers and a t-shirt out of the drawer, throwing them on quickly. Then he rummaged around for some sports socks, picked up his trainers and made his way downstairs. Perhaps a short run would help him clear his head.
🧡 Ellie
It was maddening. Ellie felt like a dog with a bone, unable to let it go. Unable to sleep as well. Much like when a difficult case was occupying her mind, she kept tossing and turning in her bed unable to turn off her brain. The lack of sleep was making her cranky and irritated - she had already snapped at both Hardy and Katie this morning at the station, though she was still convinced the latter had deserved it. As for Hardy, well, he was a bit short-tempered as well and their moods had clashed as they often did. It was hardly news to any of their colleagues and did not prompt so much as a raised eyebrow from the other people in CID.
Ellie had hoped that a walk might help her calm down and so she had headed out during her lunch break. Hardy was meeting his daughter for lunch so she was alone for once and the lack of company had her thoughts circling him again. Something was bugging her about Hardy’s reappearance but so far, she had not been able to put a finger on it and the more Ellie thought about it, the further it slipped away from her. She needed to think of something else. It would come to her unexpectedly, she knew, but letting it go was just so difficult.
It had been nearly two months since Hardy came back and she still had not been able to get a straight answer out of him of why he had chosen Broadchurch for his and Daisy’s fresh start. This surely was not down to a lack of asking on her part. Ellie had been pestering him since the day he so unexpectedly strolled right back into CID, but Hardy had kept stubbornly silent about his reasons which only made Ellie try harder.
She would get to the bottom of this. She needed to, for her own peace of mind. Why could he not simply tell her? She had told him why she stayed - because it was home, because it was the only place she knew and she refused to be uprooted by what Joe had done. Because though her life had fallen apart in Broadchurch it was also where she had solved Sandbrook with Hardy and in doing so patched it back together somehow. Was that it? Did he need help with something again? Ellie mulled the thought over in her head, then dismissed it. No. Even Hardy would have said something by now if he needed her help. What then? Her breath hitched and her heart sped up as another thought popped into her head. Could it be because of her?
Ellie’s eyes flitted over the coastline as she brought all the memories since Hardy had come back to the forefront of her mind to go over them again. Hardy was someone made out of nuances and subtleties , impossible to understand if one did not have an eye or ear for detail. She had read him wrong plenty of times in the beginning, but gradually learnt to observe him more closely. Those skills of course had become a little rusty when he disappeared and she did not hear a single word for two years, but Ellie was getting the hang of it again. She knew that he worried for Daisy and struggled with suddenly having a teenager living with him. She could see when his guilty conscience of not being good enough was plaguing him especially hard. She knew when he was in danger of being overprotective because their job made them worry so much more than any average parent, but he always held his cards close to his chest with regard to himself. He still complained about the sand, the gulls waking him before sunrise, the bloody tourists and having no decent takeaway place except for bloody fish and chips everywhere, but these days it almost seemed rehearsed. As if he knew that he needed to complain to her once in a while or his carefully constructed facade might crumble like the cliff falls that were becoming more frequent.
Thinking of cliffs, Ellie would not relent or back down. She would not budge a single milimetre until she found an answer to her question and regained her inner peace.
“Miller!”
Ellie turned abruptly, being ripped out of her musings by a familiar voice. A few yards behind Hardy came striding towards her, his suit jacket billowing in the breeze behind him, the summer sun catching in his hair and highlighting a million different shades of auburn and hazel that seemed to mix to his rich chestnut tone.
“There you are, there’s a shout out on the estate, come on,” he hurried her along, already turning on his heels and striding back towards the station with those long legs of his, barely waiting for her to catch up. A welcome distraction. Ellie smiled to herself as she hurried to follow. Hardy was just like the sea - always moving, never keeping still.
“Miller, come on!” That welcome Scottish burr interrupted her thoughts once more and Ellie jogged a few yards until she was level with him. To anyone else it might have looked overly bossy or rude, but she knew it held no bad intention, only his impatience, and she smiled.
She had missed him.
💙 Hardy
“Why did you come back here?”
Hardy looked to the heavens and ground his teeth together. “For God’s sake, this again.”
”No! Don’t do that, every time I ask you. Seriously though, two years I don’t hear anything. No text or calls or emails.”
”I lost my phone.”
”No you didn’t.”
”It had all your contact details on it!”
”Bollocks did it!”
Hardy stared out at the sea. It was sunny despite the chill in the air, and the light bounced off the water, dazzling him.
Just like you do, Ellie.
“I’m not good at all that stuff.” He wished he was. More than anything he wished he was better at it; if only for her.
”What, people? Basic human relationships?”
Hardy frowned. ‘Basic human relationships’. For goodness sake he was a bloody detective. He wasn’t exactly an idiot. It shouldn’t be this difficult. He decided to do the only thing he could. He pretended it wasn’t difficult for once. That ‘basic human relationships’ were something he was good at.
When he started speaking he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Somehow he explained away the two years in a few sentences by simply skipping most of it. He told her about the last two months instead. Daisy getting into trouble, their arguments with Tess. Miller seemed to accept it and she should, it was the truth after all. The truth of why he’d left Sandbrook at least. He waited, half expecting her to push the point, but she didn’t.
”I thought you hated it here.”
”I do,” he answered automatically, then winced. That certainly wasn’t true, was it? He didn’t mind not telling her the whole truth, but he didn’t want to lie to her.
“Mostly,” he shrugged, relieved to see her smile at him and change the subject. It wouldn’t last, but for now, she’d be satisfied.