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Aquaphobia. The fear of water.
In Zaun, it wasn't a stupid fear. If anything, you were stupid to be unafraid of it. Shimmer factories leaked oil into the water, destroying the once prosperous fish market in Zaun (well, as prosperous as Piltover would allow)
Vi remembers learning to swim with her mother in once clean water. Her father, who she hardly remembers, would sit on the dock and watch Vi “swim”. Swim in quotations, because if her mother hadn't been there, Vi would've sunk. Vi wishes that water was still that kind of innocent.
The water became a reminder of death after her parents died. Vi remembers looking over Vander's shoulders, staring down at the water under the bridge as ash rained down onto it. Vi had wondered if the ashes originated from bullets or people.
Then, the water became a reminder of sickness. As much as Mylo acted like he did, he never hated Powder. She knows because she vividly remembers him jumping into the murky water to retrieve a toy that little Powder had dropped. He had gotten so sick that he stopped eating, and Vander didn't think he was going to make it. Mylo lived, but he never quite got his appetite back, nor did he ever go back to a healthy weight.
When Vi was shipped to Stillwater, the water meant isolation. She couldn't see, as it had been too dark, but she knew from the way that the ground rocked and swayed under her feet that she had been over water. Vi had been trapped with just the sounds of her brothers frightened howls before they died. Claggor's cut short, Mylo’s gone too long. Trapped with the sound of Powder wailing like she had stabbed her, with the sound of Vander's last breath. The water there signified failure, too.
Then came the hellish years of Stillwater itself. If Vi thought the sound was bad, the feeling was worse. Her head was forced underwater for too long. Sometimes she’d go limp to get them to pull her out faster. Sometimes she actually passed out. Vi’s lungs and throat and nose would burn and ache for days.
With Caitlyn, Vi didn't know what water meant. She still remembers the look on Caitlyn’s face when she first choked up some extra water left from the previous waterboarding session. The horror and pity. At first, Vi despised Caitlyn for it. But when the two had curled up on Caitlyn's bed for the first time, with Caitlyn cradling her cheek, Vi wanted to believe that water wasn't so bad. Maybe it had meant hope.
Now, after everything is said and done, Vi can't bring herself to be okay with water. During the war, she could reasonably get away with not showering often. Socially at least. After all, you don't really have time to bathe when you're preparing for war. As uncomfortable as it was for her hair to grow greasy and as uncomfortable as it was for Vi to physically feel the dirt on her skin, Vi just couldn't do it.
Caitlyn had found out purely by accident. Well, maybe not. It's hard to not hear your girlfriend sobbing each time she showers when you live with her. Caitlyn had known that Vi wouldn't directly say anything, and so the sneaky bastard insisted on helping get the black oily dye out of her hair. Looking back, Vi thinks it was a charming and laughable attempt. At the time, Vi’s hands shook at the mere thought. But it worked. Vi told Caitlyn everything, and Caitlyn swore she’d never have to be scared of water ever again. That worked too.
Sometimes Caitlyn would get into the shower with her. Blunt nails would trace the tattoo on Vi’s back, would trace up her shoulders and into her hair.
Sometimes it'd be whispers of praise from outside the shower. Reminders that Vi’s safe and protected. Reminders that nobody can hurt her here.
Eventually, it was just Caitlyn’s hand stuck into the shower. Pressed against the wall as to not disturb her. Vi and Caitlyn would take the time to catch up about what happened that day. The two would pepper each other in kisses, and Caitlyn would take Vi’s place in the shower right after. Vi would keep watch for her, just in case.
And now, finally, after years and years, water means relaxation. The hot water thrumming against her back and muscles. The worries of the day washing off as easily as the dirt. The steam thick enough to block out any other thoughts. Vi felt safe enough to close her eyes.
Then Stillwater ruined it again. Vi and Caitlyn had been sent to perform an inspection on the place. Vi begged to have someone else take her place. Her higher ups had refused. And suddenly Vi was back on that boat. Back to listening to her siblings wails and her father's dying breaths. Suddenly Vi was back in the room where the air was taken from her lungs, face to face with the man who did it. Even after so many protocol breaches, Stillwater stayed wide open and accepting more people to damn near torture.
Now, Vi is back home. Feeling disgusting for a multitude of reasons. She stays in bed that evening, not getting up for her nightly shower like she normally would've. She doesn't realize that Caitlyn has already showered until a tender and delicate hand lands on her back. Vi turns around to look at her lovely partner. Even sopping wet as she is, her hair frames her face angelically. Flowing from being bunched up at her shoulders to a strand of hair stuck to her cheek. Caitlyn isn't wearing her eye patch right now, instead having opted for a glass eye that closely resembles her other lapis lazuli colored eye. The pale scar around her eye, both from reconstructing the socket and from the wound itself, blends into her monolid. She looks divine from down there. Specifically, she looks clean.
“Are you up for a shower, my pretty Violet?” Caitlyn murmurs, leaving the out as obvious as the in. Vi opts to ignore her question for now, brushing the stray strand of hair back behind Caitlyn’s ear as she whispers.
“You look divine.” Caitlyn smiles softly, her tooth gap and dimples fit perfectly on said smile as she catches Vi’s hand and nuzzles into it. Vi’s fingers twitch, then curl around her lover's soft cheek. Her skin is still damp and warm from the hot water, near painfully soft to the touch. Vi is dirty, she shouldn't be touching Caitlyn, but Vi’s never been good at self-restraint.
Caitlyn leans down, pressing soft lips to the scar split tattoo on Vi’s cheek. A question. Vi turns her head so that her cheek lays against Caitlyn's. A yes.
Caitlyn pulls back enough to let Vi sit up, then goes back to peppering her face in tender kisses. One on the scar above Vi’s lip. One to the scar on her eyebrow, and one on each freckle of her sun-kissed face until Vi giggles like a schoolgirl and makes a motion to get up. Vi reaches for Caitlyn’s hand. A question. Caitlyn squeezes it. An always. Vi tugs Caitlyn over to their bathroom, where the fan has already done its job of dispersing the steam.
Vi hesitates when she reaches for the shower knob, and Caitlyn resumes her playful yet intimate kisses to Vi’s face. After a long moment of Vi leaning into it, she finally turns the shower on. For a second her expression tightens, the sound of the water causing a shiver to run up her spine. Caitlyn presses their lips together, whispering.
“Whenever you're ready.”
Vi nods, tucking her face into the crook of Caitlyn’s neck. Caitlyn shifts over to grab a hairbrush, brushing out Vi’s hair. Despite how tangled it's gotten throughout the day, Caitlyn manages to not yank or pull. The movement of the hairbrush is slow and smooth, with Caitlyn focusing on clearing every little knot of her lover's mullet-akin hair. Vi allows her to sink against Caitlyn, who doesn't falter at the added weight.
Vi pulls back just a bit to start removing her clothes, and Caitlyn strips her towel. Caitlyn pads over in front of the shower on the balls of her feet. A habit she's always had, and one Vi has always adored. Patiently, Caitlyn waits for Vi, her narrow eyes half-lidded and filled with her own adoration. Vi finds that the water isn't so upsetting with Caitlyn.
So, with a bit more confidence, Vi makes her way over to Caitlyn, snaking her arms around Caitlyn’s waist. She returns to her original position, with her face buried into Caitlyn’s shoulder, and hums softly. Caitlyn tugs Vi in with her, cradling her head tenderly when the muscles in Vi’s back instinctively tense as the water hits them.
Vi doesn't make a motion to reach for the shampoo, quietly interlocking her fingers with Caitlyn in silent request. Her hands feel nice on her head anyways. Caitlyn gets to work as soon as Vi reluctantly releases her hand, allowing Vi to keep her face hidden as Caitlyn washes her hair. She scoops any stray water away from Vi’s face, kissing the silent tears that Vi has hoped would blend into the water.
Water is safe, but even if it isn't, Caitlyn's there to help her bring her head above it again.