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Kie doesn’t know when she started hating Sarah.
That’s a lie. Sort of. She remembers the situations where the hatred escalated but she lost count.
Maybe it was when Sarah chose her Kook world over their friendship. Maybe it was when she let Kie drift away without a fight. Maybe it was when they locked eyes across a party, standing in the same space but feeling like they’re living in completely different worlds.
But hate is the wrong word. It has always been the wrong word.
Because if Kie really hated Sarah, she wouldn’t still think about that day. The baby turtles.
She wouldn’t remember the way Sarah grabbed her hand and whispered, This is the best day ever, Kie. She closed her eyes when she remembered echoing those same words to Pope. And if she really hated Sarah, she wouldn’t feel the same, stupid ache in her chest every time Kie sees her look at her like she’s just another Pogue.
Of course, Sarah never did think that. But Kie wouldn’t know that.
Kie wishes Sarah would just say something.
But Sarah doesn’t know how to fix this. She wants to. She thinks about it every time she catches Kie looking at her, every time they get stuck in the same room and pretend not to notice. It would be so easy to just say something. To drop the act and admit that she misses her.
That losing Kie feels worse than losing anything else.
But pride is a thing.
Sarah holds onto hers like it should protect her from the truth. She never wanted to lose Kie in the first place. It was never just friendship for her. It still isn’t and she has learned to accept that.
She can’t help but wonder if Kie knows. If she feels it too.
And if she does, then this feels even more like a tragedy.
The worst part is that neither of them knows how to start over.
So they keep pretending like they always have. They pretend they’re fine. They pretend it doesn’t affect them more than they care to admit. They pretend they’re not waiting for each other to break.
Maybe one day, they will.
Little did they know… that day was right now.
It was a normal Tuesday. Or it was supposed to be. They don’t really fully understand or even really care how they got here but here they are anyway.
The wind hums against the water, carrying Sarah’s voice with it as she finally says, "I was a coward."
Kie tightens her grip on the boat’s edge, looking at Sarah like she doesn’t believe this is real. Like she doesn’t believe Sarah Cameron is actually apologizing to her. "You don’t say."
Sarah exhales sharply, rolling her eyes. "I mean it, Kie. I'm sorry." She looked away before saying the other thing, "and I miss you." Sarah looked back at her teary-eyed.
Kie wants to scoff, wants to tell Sarah that an apology won’t magically fix anything. But the way Sarah looks at her, sincere, vulnerable, like this is something she’s been carrying for too long, makes her hesitate.
Makes her listen.
Because Kie misses her too.
"I should’ve just talked to you like a normal person," Sarah says. "I should’ve just been honest with myself about-"
She stops herself, her fists clenched like it’s the only thing holding her together. Kie watches her, arms crossed, waiting for Sarah to find the right words.
"I didn’t just lose my best friend, Kie," Sarah finally says, voice quieter now. "I lost you.” She said as if it was supposed to make sense so she added more. “And I think I hated myself too much to admit why that mattered so much."
Something shifts in Kie’s chest, something too close to hope. But she doesn’t let it show.
Instead, she lets out a breathless laugh, shaking her head. "You’re telling me you liked me? Sarah Cameron actually had a thing for me?"
Sarah turns, and for the first time all night, she smiles, not her usual confident smirk, but something smaller. "Like you."
Oh.