Chapter Text
???’s POV
“ Naruto! Come back here! ”
“ When I get my hands on you! ” I laugh at the two field-promoted Jounins as they chase me, the paint sloshing noisily as I run, my handiwork is loud and bright and insulting as hell behind us.
“ You’ve crossed the line this time, Naruto! ”
“ Give it up! ” I laugh, easily jumping up and leaping from building-to-building, using momentum and speed to outpace them. “ You’re just bent because you don’t have the guts to do what I do! Losers , wanna-be’s , you’ll never catch me! ”
I easily ditch my tails by hiding under a camouflage tarp, they stampede past like a herd of buffalo, and I drop it after they run a few blocks. I snicker smugly at their retreating backs.
“That was too easy.” My stomach is in knots, my chest has butterflies in it, and there’s a certain tension in the air-
“ OH YEAH, NARUTO !? ”
“ AH! ”
( Speak of the Devil, and he’ll summon someone worse ! )
“Where’d you come from, Iruka-sensei!? ” I yelp as I land on my ass, he snorts angrily, fists on his hips, “What are you doing here ?!”
“No, what are you doing here, Naruto!? You’re supposed to be in class .” Iruka-sensei rebuffs, pointing at me with a vein pounding in his forehead.
( Oh, like you care ! )
“I’m at the end of my rope, Naruto!” Iruka-sensei has me in front of the entire class, trussed up like a turkey - and I’ll admit that kinda forced him to get the rope involved. I did try to run away a few times on the way here, but those Jounin were asking for it ! “You failed the graduation ceremony last time, and the time before that. Tomorrow you’ve got another chance - and you’re messing up again! ”
( Oh, it’s such a great chance! Totally not sabotaged in any way! )
I huff, tossing my head to the side, my skin itching from the blood-seals under the floorboards and whatever that one teacher carved under my seat when I was nine. I notice something in Iruka-sensei’s forehead begin pulsing majorly .
“ FINE! ” Iruka-sensei shouts, “Because you missed it , Naruto, everyone will review the Transformation Jutsu!”
The rest of the class groans loudly, but begins the line up, and Iruka-sensei cuts me free.
( At least I’m good at this one. )
Shikamaru and Ino shove me behind Sasuke, who shoves me back with a sharp elbow in my ribs, and I grunt a little bit as he hits a sore spot - but I stick my tongue out at him anyway.
( I don’t care if he’s the class pretty boy, he’s just as much of a jerk as everybody else ! )
Sakura pulls off the Transformation Jutsu flawlessly , Transforming into an exact copy of Iruka-sensei. He dismisses her easily, and she cheers loudly before skipping off back to her seat, and I admire her hair quietly.
( I wish I could grow my hair out like that. )
Sasuke also Transforms into Iruka-sensei, flawlessly, and gets dismissed, but he doesn’t cheer and doesn’t skip, plodding off back to his seat as the majority of the girls swoon over him.
( Why does he act like such a tough guy? We’re all twelve, or did he not get the memo that everyone’s a loser at twelve? )
“Naruto Uzumaki.” Iruka-sensei calls me up, and I decide to be slightly original about it. Not my Sexy Jutsu - Jiji would probably kill me for it - but inanimate objects are supposed to be hard, right?
“This is a total waste of time, Naruto.” Shikamaru grumbles,
“ We always pay for your screw-ups. ” Ino sulks,
“ Like I care . ” I growl at them, stalking forward before they can comment further, but something in my chest feels funny now. It feels like when I land wrong and break an ankle.
( Isn’t that sensation called ‘pain’ or something? Whatever, it’s not like emotions matter. )
I Transform into a trash can.
“I said Transformation Jutsu , not Substitution- ”
“ This is the Transformation Jutsu .” I grouse, still as the trash can, and Iruka-sensei startles, I feel multiple pairs of eyes burning holes into the back of me as I poof back into my regular self. “ Geez , I’m not that much of a coward .”
I sulk back to my seat.
( Whatever, I know I’m a failure, I know the other proctor is gonna sabotage me, if Iruka-sensei doesn’t do it himself, and I know I’ll never be a shinobi. It’s why I stopped turning in homework, it’s why I don’t turn in assignments, it’s why I don’t throw shuriken in class anymore, or bother with senbon training, or kunai practice. It’s why I lie to Jiji about how class and school is going… )
I settle into my seat with a sigh, and gently trace the giant spiral on my desk with my fingertip, making sure to keep the big, stupid, empty-headed grin in place.
( Nobody expects anything from dumb, orphan Naruto - so why give them anything to expect? Just play the part, keep your head down, and maybe you’ll live another day. )
“ This sucks, loser. ” I mutter under my breath, scrubbing in circles at whatever-number-Stone-Face-Dude and I hear Iruka-sensei sigh .
“ You’re not going home until you’ve cleaned off every single drop of paint! ” Iruka-sensei shouts down to me from the Hitai-ate of the Stone Face.
“ So what!? You think I have someone waiting at home for me?! News flash - you’re not the only one who thinks I’m a disappointment! ” I shout back before I can think better of it, Iruka-sensei goes quiet, and heat floods my face, and I go back to scrubbing harshly.
“ Naruto? ” Sensei’s voice is softer,
“ What? ” I call back petulantly,
“ Well, I was just thinking, ” Iruka-sensei coughs slightly, and I hunch my shoulders in - teachers and ‘ thinking ’ never go well for me - but he slides down the rock Face a little. “ After you were done cleaning this all up, uh, I could, I dunno, take you out for some ramen…you know, the good stuff? What do you think? ”
( That’s bribery! )
I open my mouth to retort, but my stomach rumbles loud enough to shake the platform I’m on, and I duck my head as Iruka-sensei looks down and lets out a soft laugh.
“ That…could motivate me… a bit . ” I grumble lowly, he reaches out and pats my head, I begin scrubbing in earnest at the paint. “ But I eat a lot- ”
“I’ve noticed, and I’m willing to pay.” Iruka-sensei states, “Just clean this up, alright?”
“No time limit?” He tilts his head, “No catch? ”
“No catch.” He confirms, sounding confused, I scrub a little harder, and refuse to look at him.
“ Naruto ,” Iruka-sensei asks, once I’m a few bowls in, I hum quietly, warm and somewhat sated, “Why would you do that to the Hokage Faces? I mean, you know who the Hokage are, don’t you ?”
“Of course I know who the Hokage are,” I deadpan, remembering the file that got slipped under my door a few years ago, “The First Hokage founded the Village, Second Hokage invented pretty much every Jutsu ever , Third Hokage is the Old Man, Fourth Hokage died saving us all, blah blah blah .”
( Can I trust you with what I really know, Iruka-sensei? )
“ Then why did you do that?! ” Iruka-sensei asks,
“Cause the stupid security crew refuses to listen to me when I suggest upgrades.” I deadpan, he pauses, and I realize what I said - and what it sounds like . “If a civilian kid can get through, imagine how many enemy ninja have probably slipped in over the years! I’m nowhere near fully trained, Sensei, but I can get through the Jounin barracks to cause hell with my pranks - Hell, I’ve even pranked the Hokage! Imagine what would happen if, say, Iwa were to really pay attention to our buildings or security. We’d be screwed! ”
“Naruto,” Iruka-sensei pauses, “How, exactly, do you suppose we upgrade security?”
“I understand that the air ventilation shafts need to be a certain amount wide and tall for maintenance and stuff, but couldn’t we install Seals or something to detect movement or even just auto-clean them?” I ask, Iruka-sensei pauses harshly, “ I mean , c’mon , if I can fit through-”
“ You've been going through the air shafts!? ”
“ Yep! ”
“ How do you even get in!? ”
Iruka-sensei takes me back to his apartment that night, and I wind up explaining how most of my pranks work - including the math, unfortunately. Iruka-sensei brings out a calculator for it, too, and he listens when I bring up Seals, strangely.
“ How are - this is - since when - this isn’t covered until - huh?! ” Iruka-sensei mutters under his breath a lot , but I sit on his table and help him through it, the math and numbers and letters easy after so many years. “ This stuff doesn’t get covered until college !? ”
“What’s college ?” I ask curiously, he drops his head into his hands, I tilt my head curiously, “Iruka-sensei, is ‘ college ’ a test? Is it part of tomorrow's exam?”
“ No, no, you don’t have to worry about college yet, Naruto, I promise .” Iruka-sensei whimpers a little, “ By Susanoo I need to speak with the Hokage .”
“Why?” I ask, tilting my head and swiping some chips from an open bag, he whimpers some more. “It’s really simple , sensei~ Shika says so, too! His dad laughs though… Dunno why …”
( Is he gonna tell him about me messing around with Seals? I SWEAR it was for the stink pellets and glitter grenades, the formulas weren’t lasting long enough or dispersing correctly- )
“Because you’re a genius, and something’s wrong with your test scores. ” He deadpans, my blood goes cold, and my stomach does something funny. “Naruto, why are you making that face?”
“What face?” I lean back a little, looking towards Iruka-sensei’s kitchen window - it’s still open a little bit, but I can’t tell if it’s locked in that position or not.
“ Naruto, you’re making a face like when you’re in trouble, what did you do? ”
“ I’m not making a face- ”
“ Naruto Uzu- ”
I use chakra to power my jump, easily sliding out of the teeny-tiny crack, tumbling onto the tiny fire escape, then I quickly begin bounding across the rooftops.
“ DAMMIT NARUTO-! ”
( Keep your head down. You’re airheaded, stupid, nobody - )
“ They’re letting it take the test again ? ” One of the civilian mothers asks, and my stomach flips as her cold, cold tone spreads ice through my veins. Someone else scoffs as if in answer. I tighten up my shoulders, clench my stomach tightly, and swallow down the taste of bile as I stride in the class.
My smile feels stiff, but the reflection in the window looks relaxed - good, perfect , actually. Keep ‘em off my back and far, far away from me.
( You’re Naruto Uzumaki. )
I inhale deeply as I sit down in the seat next to the aisle, I fold my arms over the desk and lay my head down, relaxing everything and settling into deep breathing as my eyes burn and everything begins to waver and shake.
( That means you fail. You’re below average. You’re- )
“ Hey, ” Shikamaru pokes my back, I grunt and don’t move, tears dripping down my cheeks, splattering on the desk silently. “ Dude, seriously ! Dad got called into the Hokage’s office because of you last night! ”
( Shit! )
“ D’ya know why ? ” I mumble, like I’m half asleep, or not paying attention, and Shikamaru scoffs , and something hits wood hard enough to make it creak.
“ I don’t! That’s why I’m asking you! ” He hisses, “ C’mon, it was about you! ”
“ Since when do I know anything, Shika? ” I mumble back, he scoffs loudly again,
“ Dude, just let Naruto sleep. ” Choji defends, “ You know you’re not getting anything out of him when he’s like this. ”
( What does that mean? )
It feels like my heart seizes in my chest, and my blood goes cold. A chill works it’s way down my back slowly , my stomach clenches up, and my toes curl.
( Shit - does Choji know? Shikamaru ? Am I- )
“We will now start the Final Exam.” Iruka-sensei announces, I gather chakra in my cheeks, and use a small burst of Suiton to pull the remaining tears off my face. Ino - of all people - snaps around to face me as I sit up. “When your name is called, please proceed to the testing room. The Final Exam will be on the Clone Jutsu.”
Iruka-sensei eyes me carefully before calling the first name, and everyone else resumes talking quietly or studying.
“ Hey, ” An elbow digs into my side much gentler than usual, I whip around and glare at Sasuke, “ What was that about? With Shikamaru and Sensei just now? ”
“ What was what? ” I play dumb, giving him a small small smile, but his eyes narrow as Shikamaru and Choji sigh deeply.
“ Dude, don’t. ” Choji leans forward, I feel my smile go stiff as my shoulders tighten up,
“ Naruto doesn’t answer questions if he doesn’t want to - no matter how many times you ask. ” Shikamaru groans, wilting forward and collapsing into his favorite napping position, “ So troublesome… ”
“ Yeah, yeah, I’m such a drag , Shika, we know. ” I wave him off with a laugh, even as my stomach flips, “ Why do you even bother being friends with such a bore? ”
I give them a beaming smile, but none of them look amused.
( That always works! What the hell happened last night!? What meeting did Oyaji call?! )
I put my hands together in the Activation Seal, crouching slightly in front of Mizuki-Sensei - I know he hates me, but he’s subtle enough about it for me to respect him for it - and Iruka-sensei - who I can never figure out, and am a little afraid of - and I flare my chakra just enough for the Seals to activate against me.
( Not that either of them will notice, or check, or care. )
My clone is pathetic, as expected, and flops over, half-formed and watery and weak.
“ You fail ! ” Iruka-sensei is in disbelief , for some reason, instead of outrage, and Mizuki-sensei also seems surprised by this. “ Naruto… ”
“ Why are you surprised? ” I grumble under my breath, toeing the thing, “ It fits the pattern, doesn’t it? ”
“Iruka-sensei, if I may,” Mizuki-sensei’s lips twitch amusedly, and I can feel the seals gain weight, suddenly tightening around me - choking me like a collar-
“He’s off, but his moves aren’t bad, and he did hang in there and replicate.” Mizuki-sensei defends me, and I raise an eyebrow as I look up at him warily, but his eyes are locked onto the clone with something dark glittering in the depths. “This is his third try, so you know he really wants to become a ninja. We could cut him a break, and pass him?”
“ Mizuki-sensei, ” Iruka-sensei sighs as I snort softly, “The other students could effectively create three replications - but Naruto could only create one . ”
They both look at it.
( Mizuki is clearly seeing something else there. )
I poke the clone again with my toe as Iruka-sensei sighs.
“ Look at it, Mizuki. ” Iruka-sensei rubs the bridge of his nose, and Mizuki-sensei’s lips twitch as his eyes darken, “It’s pitiful . I can’t pass him.”
The Seals ease off me, and I release the clone with a small ‘ poof ’ as I bow towards them.
“Maybe next year, Sensei.” I lie, knowing that next year will be a repeat - if someone doesn’t kill me first.
Umino Iruka’s POV
( Something’s wrong. )
The Hokage stands next to me, and I know he’s watching Naruto too - but Naruto is also watching us . Something I’ve realized since our talk last night.
( Something is very, very wrong. )
Naruto is watching us, watching the new graduates, watching their parents - Hell, he’s probably watching the patrol come down the street! Those ‘ empty ’ blue eyes that never seem to focus where they ‘ should ’ have scanned the clearing with such practiced ease, you’d think she was a Jounin already.
“ Iruka, ” Lord Third murmurs, I grunt quietly, gnashing my teeth as the gossip starts, “ We need to talk. ”
Naruto’s eyes flicker above himself, looking into the treetop almost boredly , he sighs quietly, but gets up from where he’s curled up in the swing and follows whichever friend has managed to wiggle away from their celebration.
( I hope that was Shikamaru, but Kiba and Akamaru wouldn’t be too bad either, Shino is pretty level-headed as well, but Choji always adds financial stress with their eating habits… )
Worry gnaws at me as Lord Third leads me back into the Academy.
( “Before I start this, you must know several things about the boy you know as Uzumaki Naruto.” )
I glare up at my ceiling with disapproval, my scowl deeper and harder than I’ve ever given Naruto.
( “What is it, Lord Hokage?”
“Naruto is…” Lord Third hesitates, looking down at his folded hands with a deep, deep sigh, exhaling a plume of smoke that could rival a chimney, I hold my breath with practiced ease so that I don’t cough. “Naruto is, while an orphan, not a random orphan to hold the power of the Nine-Tails.”
“I know there are,” My eyes water severely, and my lungs burn as my mouth fills with the taste of ashes. “ Specific requirements .”
“Do you know what those requirements are ?”
“May I open the window first, sir?” I wheeze quietly, he sighs heavily, but hands me a privacy Seal, and I pause. “Either everything stays shut or you apply the Seal.”
I apply the Seal and open the window as far as my manners dare.
“Naruto Uzumaki is-” )
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“ Iruka-sensei! Wake up! ” Mizuki demands loudly, I curse quietly, but throw open the door, scowling heavily and ready to shout at him using the Big-Head- “You need to come to Lord Hokage’s right away . It’s Naruto . He stole the Sacred Scroll. ”
“ The Scroll of Sealing?! No! ”
( That could undo the Eight-Trigrams Seal that holds the Bijuu! It could kill Naruto! )
“ Bring Naruto here at once . ” Lord Hokage gives me a look, thinly veiled fury in his eyes, and that alarm bell from earlier rings loud and clear as we all snap to attention.
“ SIR! ” All of the gathered Chuunin shout, and leap into a grid-lock search pattern.
( Where would she go?! )
Uzumaki Naruto’s POV
( Given the information Mizuki-sensei gave me, this is a set-up. )
I settle down with the Sacred Scroll, looking around the severely booby-trapped clearing - unfortunately, these booby-traps are the kinds that you have to demonstrate knowledge of in the Jounin exams.
( It’s a good thing I know how to sniff out spies then. )
“ Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu? Intriguing. ” I murmur, unrolling the Scroll across my lap, “ Offers a lot of real-world applications too - not just a fancy battle-field-only trick. ”
Summoning: Impure World Reincarnation
Tsuchigumo Style: Forbidden Life Technique Release: Creation of Heaven and Earth
Fury Jutsu
Rasengan
Rasenshuriken
(Theory) Elemental Rasenshuriken
Flying Thunder God Technique
Eight Trigrams Sealing Style
I use the Shadow Clones to learn all of them.
( This is amazing. )
I stare up, looking at the stars in wonder as - one-by-one - the Shadow Clones poof out of existence, and all their memories filter into my head and I learn what they learned.
( I could do anything I wanted. )
I start with taking down the booby-traps, but possibilities exist now .
( I could leave. )
I pause, hands full of ninja wire and rebar, and my stomach drops . A cold sweat suddenly coats my skin, and my mouth tastes like ash .
( I could fake my death and leave. All I would need to do is get the lines off my face and no one would ever recognize me again. )
I almost drop the rebar on my foot.
( No, no, no. I-I- )
I quickly sit down, eyes burning as the world blurs over in front of me.
( Maybe just die instead? Kill myself? )
I take a deep, shuddering inhale, gasping in desperation as I sink my hands into the grass quickly.
( Would leaving be bad? What if someone caught me? Death would be safer than if someone caught me. If I want to be free, then I should just kill myself. )
I swallow harshly, feeling a weight in my chest unlike I've ever felt before. My entire body feels cold.
( I need to stay calm. I need to think this through. Nothing rash. Nothing hasty. Iruka and the other teachers are licensed as shinobi, they're all still mission-active. I know some of them went to the school to alter the Seals there, but there are search parties moving quickly in this direction. I need to move faster. I need to make this believable...whatever it is I'm doing. )
Iruka lands, wariness in every taut line of his frame, but I continue to fake snore quietly. My goggles hide my eyes easily, my arms lax, my legs folded lazily in a 4-shape, flopped loose as I lean against the abandoned shed. Iruka-sensei sends out a small chakra signal, and I make sure to shift in my sleep as multiple squads land in the clearing - along with the Hokage, who looks just as confused at my station in what is essentially his backyard as everyone else.
"It's...unopened...sir." Mizuki murmurs hesitantly,
"I can see that." The Third Hokage states, voice soft and full of confusion, "Iruka?"
"Naruto doesn't usually take things without a goal, even if, well," Iruka rubs the back of his neck and several patrolmen roll their eyes, a few parents sigh heavily about 'bad influence', but a jounin in the back smirks under his mask. "Sometimes that goal is just 'chaos' or 'entertainment'..."
"Kai." Several people sweep for genjutsu, I continue to snore gently, never changing, never shifting. Iruka suddenly straightens, expression turning serious, but before anyone can ask, he strides forward swiftly, and I shut my eyes-
SNAP
"AUCH!" I jump harshly with a loud, offended screech, as if actually woken by Iruka-sensei snapping my goggles against my face. I quickly push them back over my hair quickly as Iruka-sensei bows forward, shoving his face into mine as I rub my eyes. "Oh! Hey Iruka-sensei! Did Mizuki-sensei send you to check my work?"
Dead silence falls on the clearing.
"What?" Iruka-sensei asks sharply, eyes narrowing, I blink my eyes innocently,
"H-he's lying-" Iruka-sensei tilts his head the same way I do, blocking whatever happens from my view, but the shriek of pained surprise makes me just for real.
"Uh," I pause, "I-is Mizuki-sensei-"
"What'd he tell you to do, Naruto?" Iruka-sensei demands, looking stricter than I'd ever seen him, I ignore the muffled cries of protest, but hold onto the Scroll a little tighter.
"He said if I learned a jutsu from this fancy scroll in Hokage-jiji's office, then I'd pass the Genin test anyway - he said it was an old way, from before the Third War happened." I hold up the Scroll nervously, "He didn't tell me it was locked, though! All that time sitting in an air vent cause Tsubaki wouldn't stop fawning over Hayate's new hair and I can't pass cause of a sticker."
I drop the scroll back into my lap as Iruka's face relaxes and several people sigh in sync.
"Iruka, I thought he passed his chakra control test?" Hokage-jiji states calmly, blowing my entire cover story open with one question. Silence falls over the clearing again, but I blink down at the sticker blankly.
"That's a what sticker?"