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Operators rarely get free time, especially those with subordinates like Mantra, and Belladonna knew that well. And because of it, they seldom had the time for a date, but the upside is, Mantra got an access card to a spot most didn’t even know.
On the lower deck of Rhodes Island is a room with only a few boxes in it. It was a supply room back in the days of Babel, the older woman said, but after some restructuring, the room was now left empty and was usually used by the engineers to take a break, using boxes and other unused or scrap parts as furniture. It wasn’t a big open space and isn’t the first place someone would think about when talking about a date spot, but it was perfect for a peaceful late-night date on the ship like this.
As Mantra lay on Belladonna’s lap, enjoying the calmness of the atmosphere that was a total flip from the chaotic mission she went through today, she thought about an added way to make her day even better.
“Can you sing for me, my songbird?” she asked suddenly.
Belladonna's heart raced, thinking over Mantra’s words. Her eyes darted around the bare storage room, deciding what to do. She didn’t want to do it, but she also could never say no to her request, not even when she was afraid she was going to slip up.
Taking a deep breath, Belladonna let Mantra lift her head before she stood up from the makeshift chair, putting a cheerful expression on her face. “Okay,” she said, “but just one song!”
With strained vocals, Belladonna started to sing a song from her past career. It was one of the harder ones to sing, her register barely reaching the proper highest note, but Mantra has always liked it, so she opted for it every time. Even though she almost went to an unplanned falsetto just now, she pushed forward, her hand gesturing, flowing alongside each note she belted out with her whole chest.
As her performance ended, Mantra smiled softly at her, the clapping of her hands echoed in the silent room.
“Bravo as always, dear.”
“Thank you!” Belladonna responded with a cheerful smile. She was always happy seeing how much Mantra enjoyed hearing her sing, and that was one other reason why she kept doing it in front of her. It was all worth it.
At the next moment, her smile disappeared. Just by taking a breath, Belladonna’s throat constricted and she coughed hard. She tried to cover her mouth with her right hand to stop the nausea building, but she could still feel them gnawing into her insides, her body.
“Bella!” Mantra lunged and held her by her hands with terror in her eyes.
Belladonna tried to reassure Mantra, but she just choked, spitting out sticky blood onto her skin and she almost cried out from the pain.
“Are you feeling well?”
Seeing her girlfriend suffering, Mantra leaned forward to examine her closer. As her hands moved up grazing Belladonna’s shoulder blade—she felt sharp edges embedded in her skin that she knew well.
“My birdie,” her voice hitched, panic rising in her throat, “are you… since when…?”
The liberi almost jerked away if only the woman wasn’t holding her. This was her nightmare, the worst thing that could happen. Her body shuddered with fear, her breath coming out from between her lips in shallow gasps, the blood smearing her palm forgotten in an instant. She was scared when she found out she got Infected, with only Brynhildr’s assuring words calming her down, but now, she’s even more terrified.
She tried so hard not to let Mantra know, but it was all for naught.
“M-mantra—” she stammered, and she didn’t know if it was purely from her fear or because of the Originium crystals slowly climbing inside her neck. Her hand was now falling from her mouth, limply hanging. “I-I can explain.”
The phidia pursed her lips, breathing out softly as her girlfriend launched into a long and lightly panicked explanation.
“I didn’t really know when it started, but when we got our monthly check-up a few months ago, the medic team found a lot more Originium in my blood than usual. I-it was above 0.30. I know I was infected at that point, but I tried to keep it down and just refused missions that might be dangerous and require me to go out or anywhere near Originium.” Belladonna paused, looking down at her feet. “But, last month it got worse. I think it’s because the warehouse I scouted for turned out to be packed with Originium… I thought it’d be okay, but i-it wasn’t, and I’m almost nearing stage II now.” She finished her story in a whisper. The blood that was dirtying her hand was already wiped onto her clothes, not caring that the white turtleneck that she usually wore was now smeared with red.
Mantra looked down at Belladonna, those stormy blue eyes peering into her very soul. A gaze that in her dread, she misinterpreted as pity.
“You won’t leave me, right?” She sobbed. “Please don’t leave me, Mantra. I-I can still sing for you until all of my voice is gone. I’ll always do the song you like, so…”
“Bella, my songbird,” Mantra looked down at her girlfriend, her eyes narrowing in worry, “I would never leave you. Ever. No matter how much hardship we go through, no matter what happens to us.” She enveloped Belladonna in a hug, catching the woman in surprise, “I’ll always watch over you, my little bird. I’ll protect you. You’ll be okay.”
Mantra’s words brought Belladonna to a weeping mess. She tried so hard to keep it just a little bit together so her cry wouldn’t travel out of the room they were in, but she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Because Mantra just said it. Mantra said she won’t leave her. Even if she’s clingy, even if she’s always taking hours out of Mantra’s time to dump her day onto her, even if she contracted Oripathy.
“I love you so much, Mantra, so very much,” Belladonna said against Mantra’s chest. “More than anything in this world… Mantra…”
The phidia smiled as she tightened her hug. “I love you too, my songbird.”
Mantra didn’t want to lie to Belladonna. But it was hard not to do that when she was bleeding like this.
Blood was now dripping down from her eyes, sticking to the broken bones on her cheek. The left one couldn’t see anything but darkness, and her right one barely saw the outline of Flamechaser in front of her.
“MANTRA!”
The self-imposed restriction that Belladonna always had not to call her girlfriend by her name in front of others was thrown out the moment Mantra tanked a Dublinn Flamechaser Guard attack head-on.
She was about to rush to her side, seeing her injury, asking if she was okay, helping her, fighting back against that damned enemy. But Elysium held her back, containing Belladonna’s thrashing as he yelled about her safety, his words barely registering to her. She could only focus on Mantra’s back as she yelled her name in panic.
Despite the problem with her eyesight, Mantra was still standing, facing that fiery blue remnant of a soldier.
She was the first one to notice the Flamechaser Guard. Everyone thought all the embers had been snuffed out, and the mission was another successful one, but Mantra could still feel something. Her Arts ran through the grounds, but the burning reeds with the enemies stacked in them made her think maybe she was misreading their final signs of life. Even the most knowledgeable Operators could make mistakes, and she dismisses the unease right away.
Unfortunately, as they were about to leave, a Dublinn Flamechaser Guard rose from between the burning reeds.
It was its Ember of Avarice that resonated with her Arts.
And when it emerged from its ashes, she immediately picked the difference of vitals up—and intercepted it.
She dashed towards the back of the squad, intending to shield them. But she didn’t manage to block its attack properly, and its slash connected with her face, striking horizontally at her upper face, lodging onto her left eye for a second.
Mantra breathed hard, trying to see what its next move would be and calculating what she needed to do. As she did so, it prepared for another attack. She didn’t know if she would be able to hold another strike back, but she also couldn’t dodge and let it run into the rest of the squad behind her.
In the next second, Hellagur swooped in. His Kudakiri split the Flamechaser into two before it was able to change its stance and this time finally destroyed it into ashes.
The atmosphere was still tense, but Mantra breathed some relief now the sudden threat was gone. Hellagur turned back, facing the Elite Operator as he sheathed his blade. “Mantra.” His voice raised from a flat tone as he noticed how bad her injury was. “Go with Reed, now.”
The woman couldn’t answer with anything other than a nod. She tried to retreat as Hellagur recommended, but the blood loss was nauseating now, and she dropped to her knees at the next second, only to be helped by Hellagur who immediately called for everyone to move Mantra back to the car for immediate treatment.
Mantra tried to look behind her, her bleeding eyes trying to search for Belladonna’s figure or voice and failing. She let out a long sigh and felt her consciousness giving out.
At the very least… She's glad she could protect everyone, especially her songbird.
The trip back to Rhodes Island was a blur to Belladonna. She couldn’t stop crying and thinking about Mantra who was placed in a different car than the other Operators, heading the convoy back to the ship. Elysium and Perfurmer consoled her alongside, but she didn’t feel any different. Not until she could make sure Mantra was okay.
As soon as the cars rolled into the hangar, every Operator who was knowledgeable enough in medicine ran around to prepare her to be sent to the surgery room. The injured phidia was moved to a stretcher, hooked with an emergency IV, and helped with some healing Arts.
Brynhildr took the time to break away from the commotion for a second. Her eyes wandered until she finally found Belladonna watching from the sideline as she cried. She approached the rose-haired woman and her hands curled around her shoulders, making sure to not dig into the crystals embedded there.
“Belladonna, we’ll try to help her, okay?” Brynhildr tightened her grip, the gaze in her eyes resolute, reminding the liberi why Brynhildr is viewed so highly on the ship. “Now, you take a deep breath and wait in your room. I’ll let you know when you can visit her.”
The only thing coming out of Belladonna’s mouth was now a pained whimper, her eyes never off Mantra’s figure who was disappearing to the medical bay. But she knew Brynhildr was right. She couldn’t do anything to help Mantra directly now besides letting the medics handle her. She just has to wait.
“... okay.”
Despite how reluctant that answer was, Belladonna eventually pulled herself together and ambled her way back to her room.
As soon as she left, Brynhildr ran to follow the team that would handle Mantra, talking with Kal’tsit as she asked who else should they call for this emergency treatment. The chatter between medics was filling the air, but she couldn’t miss a whisper coming from the barely lucid Mantra, her parting lips calling for the one she loved the most.
“My songbird…”
The Doctor’s heart clenched at those words, ushering the other medics to go faster, the stretcher rolling through the hallway to the surgery room.
Behind her closed eyes, Mantra reminisced about a day precious to her.
It was a stormy day, the rain beating down Rhodes Island and forcing Belladonna to cancel their outgoing to a quaint cafe in the Siesta near where they docked. So Mantra consoled her by letting Belladonna come into her room for the first time to make up for the ruined date.
Sure they hadn't officially tied their relationship yet at that time, but Mantra still called it a ‘date’ inside her head nevertheless.
Mantra brought some hot cocoa from the cafeteria and gave a cup to Belladonna who was sitting on Mantra’s bed and gazing outside the room’s window. Everything outside it was colored gray, underlining how much the storm made an absolute disaster to their plan for the day.
But that didn’t mean they needed to just sit there in disappointment. At least, Mantra wouldn’t let Belladonna do that.
“Could you sing for me?” Mantra asked suddenly. “No one else would hear it in this storm,” She continued, reassuring her.
As they got closer, Mantra realized how much the liberi disliked singing in front of others, and she clocked that was one of the reasons why she got so hesitant to talk to her when she first saw her singing.
Belladonna thought over Mantra’s words, glancing at her as she sipped her drink and thinking about how true her words were. Eventually, she agreed and started to mumble a song she had never sung to Mantra before.
It was a love ballad, its melancholic and somber notes weaved with an array of notes, including the higher ones she hit perfectly despite her sitting position. It was unlike songs Mantra usually heard, but it spoke to her deeply, not only from the lyrics but also the lovely melody Belladonna conveyed to life.
When she finished her song, Mantra could only gaze at the majestic view of Belladonna, the noise of the rain and raging wind against the window didn’t drown her voice at all. It rather showed how bright and clear she sounded, an uncaged singer even outside of the stage she would be sparkling on.
“My songbird.”
That nickname is the first thing that spurs into Mantra’s mind, funnily. And it’s not just because of the liberi’s race, but also because of her voice. Her lovely voice wouldn’t leave her mind, leading her to hum along to the song she sang even until now.
She still could see how Belladonna’s cheeks reddened when she first heard that nickname. The rose-haired woman clasped her mouth, holding back the giddy and flustered note of red spreading on her face. The feathers on her hair almost stood up from how much that nickname affected her.
Belladonna was beautiful as always.
Mantra couldn’t help but laugh too, ruffling Belladonna’s hair until she yelped in embarrassment and hugged her as if giving up from all the affection that sent her into a daze. It was the first time Belladonna had ever hugged her with that expression, and she wanted it not to be the last.
Alas, no matter how much that memory made her feel alive again, the gnawing pain in her soul told Mantra she was barely hanging in there, and if she didn’t make this… there won’t be a next time for Belladonna to hold her.
But—Mantra thought again, the image of those beautiful heterochromia eyes seared into the back of hers—if her last thought is really about Belladonna like this, she’s more content about dying.
Mantra woke up a few hours later in what she knew to be Rhodes Island infirmary. Her eyes were covered in bandages, pressing down on the wounds, as if reminding her what a dangerous stunt she was pulling. A light sigh escaped her lips, realizing that she was still alive.
“Don’t move too much yet.”
The light-hearted yet calm voice was all too familiar, and she knew the vulpo was standing beside her bedside even though she couldn’t see.
“Doctor,” Mantra rasped out, “no one is hurt, right?”
“Everyone is safe thanks to you,” Mantra could hear Brynhildr smile. The vulpo paused before she continued in a somber tone. “I’m sorry we couldn’t do more. The burn from the blade is far worse than we thought, and your left eye took the most damage. " Her voice became quieter. “Your right eye is doing far better, but we still have to bandage it until we see improvement.”
Mantra didn’t say anything right away. The weight of those words was heavier than she anticipated. Everyone was safe, but now she was bed-bound with her eyesight that would never be the same as ever before. The weight of how she will conduct her duty from now on sunk into her.
“Is there any further action you can take?”
Brynhildr hummed as she thought while tapping at something, probably on her tablet, looking over the chart left by Kal’tsit and other medic operators. “We could only do so much with standard procedures and healing Arts,” she paused, “but… there is an experimental surgery to restore some sight to your left eye. If you want, of course.”
She started explaining the procedure, all the details of what they needed to do, what the risks were, and finally, the reason why Brynhildr was reluctant to even bring the option up.
“The chance of your vision coming back is only… 20% or so,” Brynhildr whispered. “It’s risky, Mantra. Dr. Kal’tsit only told me about this because I insisted on knowing, and I probably shouldn’t really be telling you about it anyway.”
“I want to do the surgery.”
The phidia could feel the Doctor freezing up as her sounds suddenly stopped.
“Mantra.” Brynhildr’s tone of voice was more sad than upset. “I can’t promise you anything. I can’t even promise you the surgery will go well.”
Mantra’s fingers touched the bandage over her left eye as she thought. Everything was scary, she couldn’t lie about that. She has always known the life of an Operator, especially an Elite one like her, was anything but filled with danger. Fighting, leading a group, and stepping anywhere near the battlefield have always been with risk. But it only sunk in fully when she could feel it happening right on her face.
Despite all that, the only thought in her head now was of Belladonna, and how she might not be able to protect her if she doesn’t recover and go onto the field with her.
“That doesn’t matter. I still want the surgery,” she said.
“But—”
“I appreciate you being concerned for me, Doctor,” Mantra sternly cut her off, “but as long as there’s a chance I’ll be able to see my birdie again, I’ll take it.”
Brynhildr went silent for a second before she sighed. “I understand,” she said, “but even after the surgery, you can’t just go back to fighting straight away. And the 3rd squad captain position will be transferred temporarily until you’re fully healed.”
Mantra nodded at Brynhildr’s insistence. “Of course, Doctor.”
“Then I’ll handle talking to Dr. Kal’tsit. You’ll just hang in there, okay?” The vulpo tidied up things around Mantra and started walking towards the door. “I’ll make sure you can get the surgery started today.”
But before she went out, Brynhildr stopped to ask something.
“Do you want me to tell her or do you want me to call her in here?”
“I’ll tell her myself,” Mantra responded without missing a beat.
The Doctor left with an ‘okay’, closing the door behind her. And not a few minutes later, someone else walked in with the sounds of sniffles following.
“Mantra,” that voice called out. She sounded tired, raspy, and a far cry from the angelic diva she used to be, and Mantra’s stomach churned at it.
“My songbird,” Mantra responded in a whisper, “come here.”
Belladonna’s steps were hesitant, echoing softly against the empty room. Nobody else was there besides them, but Mantra could hear her trying to keep her steps soft and constrained, something she noticed she did to appear more composed in a stressful situation.
She let Belladonna walk slowly to her before stretching her arms open when she felt her standing beside her bed.
“I’m here, dear,” she called out.
As she spoke, Belladonna cried and grasped at the woman’s clothes. She laid her head on her chest, calling out her name in a slurry of words between sobs. “You’re here, you’re okay… Mantra… I-I was so scared… there was a lot of blood…”
Mantra reached out, patting Belladonna’s hair to calm her down. The strands were out of order, tangling with each other, and she could feel her feathers sticking out against them. “You should stop messing up your hair,” she brushed her fingers between the clumps, “you’ll pluck your feathers out at this rate.”
“But I’m worried about you,” she said weakly, not refuting her words.
“I know,” Mantra said. Belladonna had every right to be worried. A few hours before this she was bleeding in front of her, and now her eyes are bandaged as she lies on the infirmary bed, unable to be able to do any missions anytime soon.
But even then… she wanted to comfort her the best she could.
“But I agree to try something,” she continued. “It’s not a certain thing, more of an experimental surgery, but they will try to see if they can restore more vision in my left eye.”
“... is it dangerous?” Belladonna asked with hesitation in her voice.
“I can’t answer that with certainty,” Mantra paused for a second, deciding against saying the estimated success rate Brynhildr gave her, “but the people here are more than capable. You know that too.” She stopped ruffling Belladonna’s hair, her fingers resting comfortably in her hair. “Just promise me you’ll wait for me after, my songbird.”
Belladonna nodded against Mantra’s chest, closing her eyes with tears still flowing out. “I will wait for you forever.”
Belladonna couldn’t just sit by the surgery room and wait. She wanted to look inside and see what the medics were doing with Mantra, looking to see if she was doing fine, if there were any complications with the surgery, or if they missed something. She knew they were good at their job, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want anything to happen to Mantra. She wanted the person she loved the most in this world to live.
She didn’t even need Mantra to recover fully, she didn’t need her to protect her in battle or anything. She just wants Mantra to survive this.
Belladonna curled up on her bed, head buried in her pillow as she sobbed silently. Her voice started to get worse after she cried on Mantra’s arm a few hours ago. And when Brynhildr forced her to get checked again when they passed by each other, the medic she met said her oripathy was the culprit of her diminished vocal range.
Everything was bleak. Her usual going-with-the-flow attitude was now gone, replaced by deep-seated fear about her future. Mantra’s future. Their future. Just thinking about it made her nauseous, and she could barely imagine what lies after today.
In her despair, Belladonna’s eyes fell on the notebook Mantra left with her the other day. It rested silently on her desk, closed and kept under a pen.
She raised from her bed, her movement sluggish as she kept her blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Looking over the notebook, she recalled when Mantra brought the book over the last time. She had read it before, but the woman didn’t bring it so she could see the poems she made. After all, Mantra thought they were still too subpar to convey her love for Belladonna despite the liberi’s insistence on how good they were.
No, the reason she brought the notebook along was so she could write about Belladonna the moment she felt the words coming.
“Whenever I’m with you, I always want to write down how much my love for you is coursing through me,” Mantra said that time as she opened the book, flipping it until near the end, showing glimpses of the countless poems she already made about her, “and I didn’t want to let even a passing second made me forget how those feelings changed me before I could write it down.”
Belladonna opened the notebook, her fingers tracing the words on the pages, the intricate handwriting and the way Mantra composed her words have always amazed her. Not to mention… It felt warm, just like if Mantra was beside her now.
She held back a shaking sob and thought about what she could do now for Mantra. The first and most obvious answer was waiting, but she didn’t want to sit and cry again, especially with how fragile her voice box already was.
An idea passed through her mind, and Belladonna quickly let her blanket drop before taking a seat on her desk. Her trembling fingers picked up the pen Mantra left and some papers she put inside her desk for things like this.
Rather than just waiting, maybe she could pour her fear and desperation into something more tangible, something that reminded her of Mantra.
Belladonna cleared her throat. Then she hummed to herself, trying to find the melody for the first poem in the book. She almost coughed, feeling the tightness on her vocal cord coming back, but she straightened it out and tried again, writing down the tune as she read Mantra’s words with reverence.
Even if her voice disappeared fully someday, even if her worst nightmare happened with Mantra… she wanted to show her how much she loved her, how much she appreciated everything she had done for her.
She wanted to be able to sing the words of affection Mantra had composed.
The surgery failed.
Brynhildr apologized profusely on behalf of the medics, but Mantra knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault. The complication was too much, and there just was nothing they could do to improve her eye from the damage, with her left eye now being unable to see past darkness. All she could do now was to recover and see what she needed to learn again to get back to her usual job.
Belladonna heard the news from Brynhildr too. She came into her room as she finished the last of her songs, a full day had passed by after she first started the impromptu project. After composing herself, she walked alone to the medical bay and she looked around to see if there was anyone around. And who did she meet if not Kal’tsit who just came out of the room Mantra is said to be in.
“Dr. Kal’tsit!” She jogged up to her and waved her hand cheerfully, despite the volume of her voice. “Can I visit Madam Mantra?”
Kal’tsit nodded, tucking away some notes she was reading before she gestured at a single-bed infirmary room. “Of course. She’s already awake anyway.”
Belladonna stopped in front of it, taking a deep breath as she tried to compose herself. Kal’tsit watched the woman in silence, her eyes gazing down at the black crystals slowly becoming more prominent.
“Belladonna.”
“Hm?” She looked back at Kal’tsit, surprised she didn’t immediately leave.
The white-haired woman’s eyes flickered with something the liberi rarely saw before she spoke. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”
“Thank you, Dr. Kal’tsit,” she answered with a smile, the words more mouthed than spoken.
With that, the liberi opened the door and slowly entered inside, making sure to close it back behind her.
“Madam Mantra,” Belladonna called her name with a smile.
The phidia raised her eyes and smiled softly as they met Belladonna’s heterochromatic ones. Mantra sat on the raised bed, her left eye was now covered with an eyepatch while she tended to her right one.
“You’re here already,” she fixed her hair to its original position, watching as Belladonna swung her hands as she approached her bed.
“Of course I am. I couldn’t stand by long without seeing you.” Belladonna interlaced her fingers with Mantra with a smile. “Can I sit by you, Madam?”
“You know I will always let you do that,” she answered with a quirk of a smile on her lips.
Belladonna slowly sat on Mantra’s bed as she fussed around a bit, making sure to not sit on anything important on it. Mantra looked at her with an apologetic look in her eyes, tugging their interlaced fingers together before she spoke.
“I’m sorry I didn’t fulfill my promise, my little birdie,” Mantra said, “I said I would protect you and watch over you my whole life, but… I feel like I’ve failed.”
Belladonna's smile fell a little at the somber tone Mantra spoke in, but she quickly recovered and shook her head. “You didn’t fail. You protected me and the squad back there. You did so much already.” She met her girlfriend’s eyes with a sheepish smile. “And Ma'am, I… want to show you something that maybe could change your mind.” She then chuckled as she thought over her choice of words. “Well, rather than see, maybe it’s more letting you hear?”
The liberi’s voice was more muted than Mantra remembered, far raspy and subdued. It wasn’t the voice of a songbird on the stage anymore, but Mantra didn’t even bat an eye at the difference in her voice. After all, Belladonna didn’t even glance twice at the new eyepatch covering her left eye.
Mantra nodded with a hum. “What do I need to do?”
Belladonna reached into one of her pockets, pulling out Mantra’s notebook before she ruffled through it. She then pointed at a page, lifting it right up to the phidia’s face for her to read.
“This one.”
“Ah, this one, hm?” Mantra nodded as she tried her best to see the poem. “Just to make sure, can you read the first part to me, songbird?”
Belladonna flushed a bit, remembering how Brynhildr told her Mantra wouldn’t be able to read clearly for a while. “M-mhm, sure. It’s the one that starts with ‘there goes my little songbird’.”
“I see. I remember that one,” said Mantra. “Do you want me to recite it now?”
The rose-haired woman answered with a hum before she lifted her hands and slowly put it on both of Mantra’s cheeks. And before the woman could ask why she was doing it, she already answered.
“This is part of the surprise,” Belladonna whispered with a smile.
Mantra nodded, still wondering what the surprise would be. She took a shallow breath and the first words left her lips in whispers.
“There goes my little songbird, ”
She didn’t notice it at first, but Belladonna's hand trembled alongside her words, following the syllables in a tune.
“ When she sing, the world silences,
To catch the gift — of her melody. ”
The melody started to be more apparent, a soft song accompanying every line that seemed to complete her poem.
“ Her voice anchors me;
stay rooted in my position, afloat. ”
Mantra’s lips trembled as she let her Arts surge through her body, connecting Belladonna’s warmth with her. She was always beside her, but like this… she felt like an extension of Mantra, that soft voice of hers, no matter how dim it was now, felt like sunlight drumming throughout the phidia’s bones.
“ I, a sailor, lost to the sea of hers.
And for once, I do not mind drowning.
If that means I can be one with her. ”
As the song ends, Mantra could feel Belladonna’s heart racing, the flush in her cheeks getting deeper.
“That was the surprise,” Belladonna said with strained vocals. It didn’t look like much, but due to the oripathy progression, doing something like that was exhausting, and Mantra could see that from the way how soft her whisper was now.
“No matter what, we’ll still be together. We’ll be okay.” She smiled. “That’s what you said to me, Mantra. And I could feel how much you mean it from your poems and your words. You didn’t need to protect me in battle or anything grand like that. Like this… is already enough. Just being together with you is always enough.”
As Belladonna dropped her hands, Mantra sighed. Not in exhaustion, but in contentment.
“We’ll be okay,” she repeated, more to herself than to the woman in front of her.
She felt as if she couldn’t do anything anymore now she was temporarily relieved of her Operator status, and not knowing when she would be back on the frontline only scared her even more. What if she couldn’t protect Belladonna ever again? What if she becomes someone to be needed to be taken care of? Her little bird was already struggling with her infection, she didn’t need more burden in her life. Mantra wanted to be the one making sure she was okay, and she wouldn’t be okay if she couldn’t do it ever again.
But she was wrong.
Even in what she felt was the lowest point of her life, her songbird was there, rooting and staying by her side. Even if she didn’t know if she could fiercely protect her again… she didn’t leave her.
Mantra realized the sentiment Belladonna was afraid of was felt by her now, and even flipped like this, the answer Belladonna gave her was the one she gave the days before. That was just how much Belladonna loved her.
Returning Belladonna’s gesture, Mantra lifted her hands to her girlfriend’s cheek. She dimmed her Arts already, but Belladonna still feels as connected to her as much as before.
“Can I hear more songs you made, songbird?” Mantra asked, smiling softly at her. “I want to see how much you have read through the book.”
Belladonna nodded with a chuckle, enjoying Mantra’s warmth from her hands. “I tried to make songs for every poem in the book,” she looked down at the hardcover of the notebook, patting it gently, “I spent a while on them.”
The liberi started to point at a few more poems, recommending what she could sing next with as few words as possible, and Mantra looked down at her with tenderness. Her eyesight might not be more than a blur now, and Belladonna’s voice was no more than a wisp in the wind, but she knew that as long as they had each other, they would be okay.