Work Text:
A servant girl ran to the divine palace holding a full plate of freshly made, steamed buns. Normally a heavenly servant wouldn’t dare intrude the divine palace unless of an important reason, but these buns could very well ensure the safety of heaven itself. It all started with their emperor, the former laughingstock of the three realms, defeater of Bai Wuxiang, his highness, the crown prince of Xianle.
Shortly after Crimson Rain Sought Flower returned and married his highness. Heaven clamored for Xie Lian to take Jun Wu’s place as Heavenly Emperor. Xie Lian, to not much of everyone’s shock, refused immediately and asked if there were other candidates for the position. Unfortunately, almost all gods in heaven were practically clueless on how to run a whole realm. Hua Cheng hated the idea as much as Xie Lian, he didn’t want his, “precious beloved” to spend more time with the lowly trash in the sky than with him. But after months of begging convincing, his highness, despite his internal turmoil, finally relented and took the throne.
Many years passed, and heaven thrived as a new realm, one that developed a new sense of justice and equality under Xie Lians rule.
Then came the day Xie Lian and Hua Cheng made an announcement that silenced all of Heaven.
His Majesty Xie Lian, slayer of White-no face, the strongest God in the whole 3 realms, savior and ruler of the Heavens, was pregnant.
To say the gods were speechless was an understatement. None of them knew how to react to the news that their leader, who was very much a man, could become with child. It wasn’t until Xie Lian explained that he used an invention from the ghost realm called, “child-bearing pills,” to conceive his baby that they, “somewhat”understood.
After a while they were also somewhat glad that this was happening, Xie Lian was happy as can be, and Crimson Rain was even friendlier than normal with the excitement of his first born on the way. And since his majesty said that he wasn’t going to be on the throne forever, they were relieved to know that his child could take over the throne when they became of age. Everything was going smoothly.
And then…
“WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING BUNS?!”
The mood swings kicked in.
The servant hurriedly ran up the stairs to the throne where Xie Lian sat, staring at multiple scrolls and documents with an irritated expression on his face.
“Here are your steamed buns your majesty, I deeply apologize for the delay.” She said as she bowed and lifted the plate towards Xie Lian.
“Finally,” Xie Lian murmured. He grabbed a bun from the top of the stack and took a big bite. As the servants shoulders relaxed a little, thinking that his majesty would finally calm down a bit, Xie Lians face contorted into a mixture of disgust and rage as he slammed the bun on his desk so hard he left a few cracks in it.
“I ASKED FOR PORK BUNS!! THESE ARE VEGETABLE!! ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME?!?!” Xie lian yelled.
The servant was petrified as she bowed at an angle so low she would fall if she went further. “F-Forgive me your majesty! T-the kitchens thought it would be good for you to have something more healthy in your stomach while the future heir grows inside you!”
And that, that just added fuel to the fire. “Oh I get it,” xie lian said in an obvious sarcastic voice. “Since I’ve been eating like a pig recently due to my cravings, the kitchens took it upon themselves to treat me like one, isn’t that right?”
The servant girls face turned white at the horrifying accusation. “NEVER YOUR MAJESTY!! I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR Y-“
“IT IS NOT THEIR JOB TO LOOK AFTER ME!! THERE JOB IS TO COOK WHAT I TELL THEM TO COOK!!” Xie lian screamed.
Xie lian finally took a deep breath and put the already bitten steamed bun on the plate.
“Deliver this message for me, the kitchens prepare any kind of food I ask them to prepare, without question or disobedience. If something like this happens again, I’ll banish every last one of them and hire new staff who are capable of following orders.” He said in a low voice.
The servant hurriedly bowed and took the plate of buns away.
These next few months we’re gonna be rough
—————————————-
All gods were on edge as the meeting in the Grand Hall of the Divine Palace as it turned south quickly. Xie Lian called this meeting to update the gods on their performance, and he did not look happy.
Some noticed that his belly had been getting larger since the last meeting. They hoped that whatever was troubling his majesty had little to do with them.
“General Pei, what is this I’m hearing about you rejecting another girl which led to her becoming a violent ghost?” He asked in a low voice as he took a bite out of an apple.
Pei Ming quickly walked up and bowed infront of Xie Lian. “Your majesty, forgive me, it was only an innocent one night stand with her, but after she went mad saying that if I didn’t stay with her, she would kill herself.”
Xie Lian shook his head in annoyance, “That’s just great, I’m still dealing with issues in regarding to rebuilding the realm, and I have to deal with another one of your TRAMPS!!” Xie lian screams. “I swear to heaven and earth if I get one more report like this from you, I will use e-Ming to cut off your dick and feed it to the dogs in Puqi Village!!”
The entire hall was silenced as the gods trembled at their ruler booming voice. Normally their emperor was placid and kind when it came to reviewing other officials work. They weren’t used to their sweet-tempered ruler being so ruthless. “Y-yes your majesty,” Pei Ming nervously said before walking back to his place in the room.
“General Han?” Xie lian called.
A woman in elegant blue robes quickly stepped up and bowed. “Your majesty,” she greeted in a neutral tone.
“What’s the status on those demon sightings I asked you to investigate in the West?” He asked. Han Zhuling bowed again before answering, “Your majesty, I have searched all the locations you gave me and the nearby regions, but there were no signs of the demons you were speaking of, I asked mortals around the area if they saw anything suspicious, but they said they didn’t see anything either.”
“And what did you do to resolve this?” Xie Lian asked. The woman’s face paled a little at the question. “Your majesty, like I said before, I couldn’t find anything on the demon sightings in the area, so I went back to my palace and worked on some other prayers from my followers.”
Xie lian was silent for a minute before answering, “So let me get this straight, when you were having trouble completing a task that I gave you which should’ve been SIMPLE, for a martial god, instead of hiring your deputies to scout more of the areas, or asking your fellow gods who are familiar with area for backup, or even coming to me to assign you with trusted aid, you deliberately chose to give up on a serious task that I specifically assigned you to do?” He said as he angrily took another bite of his apple.
General Hans face was white as a sheet as she tried to think of an excuse to get her out of this situation. “I-I didn’t want to be a burden to his majesty while he’s in such a delicate state, I feared that my incompetence would upset him and put him and his heir in danger.”
“And look where that got you!?” Xie lian yelled as he got up from his throne. “And now thanks to your idiocy, we probably not only lost the whereabouts of the demon while he had weeks to change locations and become stronger, but villages across the area were left unprotected and might be in danger!! Families, elderly, children, could be or already be dead because you were to stupid and prideful to ask for assistance!!! It’s no fucking wonder your betrothed ran off with your younger sister!!, he screamed.
…They had forgotten how much Hua Cheng gossiped about them with his majesty...
General Han looked like she was about to burst into tears as she opened her mouth, as if trying to say something that wont come out.
Xie lian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Quan Yizhen.”
Quan Yizhen stepped up quickly and bowed. “Yes, your majesty?”
“Assist General Han with finding the demon, see if you can still locate its whereabouts and report back to me.” Quan Yizhen bowed again before returning back to his position, meanwhile General Han was still standing there with silent tears falling down her face.
“WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT?! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!” Xie Lian screamed.
General Han sent a very quick bow towards Xie Lian before dashing out of the divine palace with tears still falling down her cheeks.
The other heavenly officials wondered how much longer his majesty was going to be like this before the baby was finally born.
—————————————————-
Xie Lian sank into the warm waters of the bathing chambers in paradise manor as he let himself relax a little. Ever since he became pregnant with his little bun he was more prone to getting angry and blowing up in everyone’s face. He always feels terrible about it because he hates treating others like that, but he doesn’t want to blame his innocent little unborn baby for his outbursts knowing full well that he’s a grown adult who can manage his own emotions.
Xie lian rubbed his swollen belly as he scrubs some oils onto the rest of his skin. “You’ve been making mama angry the past few weeks haven’t you?” He says to the unborn child. “I know you must be bored in there after all these months, and that you’re very eager to come out and see the world already, but it’s not nice to take your frustrations out on others.” As if the baby heard him, he felt a light kick on the area where he was rubbing his belly. Xie Lian smiled before slowly getting out of the water and putting on an extra large robe that Hua Cheng gifted him when he started showing.
“You know what would be nice? I haven’t seen your Uncle Feng and Mu in a while, and you didn’t exactly make me that friendly with them the last time I saw them. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a relaxing dinner with them and catch up?” He didn’t feel any other kicks after that. Gods, he hopes that his little one will have a loving relationship with his uncles instead of his husband’s hatred for them somehow transmitting into them.
He puts two fingers to his forehead and says his beloveds barbaric communication array password before calling out to him. “San Lang?” He calls. Hua Cheng answers almost immediately. “Gege! What is it? Are you alright? Are you in pain? Do you need me to come over?-“ “Xie lian laughed at his silly husband. He loved how much his beloved was concerned for both him and their baby, but now he’s using every chance he got as an excuse to run away from his work and snuggle with him.
“It’s okay San Lang I’m alright, I just wanted to let you know that I’m inviting Feng Xin and Mu Qing over for dinner tonight.” Hua cheng was silent for a moment before letting out a dramatic sigh. “Gege, you’ve already been overworking yourself to much with looking after both our little one and those trash in heaven. If you invite those idiots over it might bring more stress to yourself and it might affect the baby.”
Xie lian sighed before answering, “I understand San langs concerns, but those two never make me feel stressed, besides I want to apologize to them for how I treated them at our last encounter.”
The last time being when Mu Qing made a snarky comment about the new robes Hua Cheng had gotten him, and how Feng Xin thought Hua Cheng was stupid for letting him come to heaven in such a vulnerable state. Xie Lian got fired up and screamed at them until his whole face turned bright red and his throat hurt from screaming, before pushing passed them and running off to his palace, sobbing into his sleeve, leaving two very shocked and guilt stricken generals behind.
“Those morons upset gege and made him cry, he had a very reasonable reaction. I should’ve ripped out their throats so they never would make gege cry again.” Hua cheng stated. “You know I would never want that, now don’t slack off and come home quickly, I’m making my famous “Love for All Seasons” Soup.” Xie Lian scolded.
“Looking forward to it, but dear, are you sure you don’t need your San lang over there? You shouldn’t be on your feet at all during this time, you might exhaust yourself and faint, let your San Lang carry all your burdens for you.”
Xie lian giggled. “Thank you darling, but you need to stop using me as an excuse to avoid work to cuddle. We will both be here to greet you when you come home.”
Hua cheng gave one last dramatic sigh, before sending Yin Yu to pick up ingredients for his highness to use for dinner. When Yin Yu delivered the ingredients, and after Xie Lian contacted and invited his friends, who reluctantly accepted, Xie Lian got to work prepping the meal.
After an hour of prepping and cooking, the soup was finally ready, along with some salad and steamed buns xie lian had extra time to prep. He was quite proud of his feast, because it didn’t look like the purple mess he usually makes. He had recently been taking a cooking class in ghost city that specialized in preparing human safe food.
He took a spoonful of soup and tasted it, it wasn’t perfect, but it was good. Just then he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around and softly rubbed his stomach from behind him. “San lang!” Xie lian said excitedly. “This smells exquisite gege, your cooking is truly is the best in the 3 realms.” Hua Cheng whispers.
Xie Lian turned around kissed his husband. “You made it just in time, I just finished making dinner and feng xin and Mu Qing should be here any minute now.” Hua cheng frowns at this and wraps xie lian in a firm but gentle embrace. “Is gege really sure he wants to have those pests over tonight? What if we just have a peaceful night to ourselves. After all we still need to discuss names for the little one.” Hua cheng tried to plead.
Xie lian fondly rolled his eyes before cupping his beloveds cheek. “Dear, we’ve had peaceful nights alone together since the day we found out I was pregnant. I want to have Feng Xin and Mu Qing here because I want all the people I love and cherish most to share this wonderful experience with me.” He says in a scolding tone.
“Now go get dressed into your nicer robes, their going to be hear any minute.” Hua cheng sighs before kissing his cheek. “Yes dianxia,” he says before walking out of the room.
—————————
Everything was going well at first, when Feng Xin and Mu Qing arrived they had obvious signs of nervousness on their faces. But when they smelled the stew their nerves turned into shock. They were shocked to have found out that his highness cooked something edible, and not something that would make you go blind when you take the first bite.
The evening passed smoothly, and they were all wrapped in good conversation. And by conversation it was Xie Lian, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing talking while Hua Cheng occasionally threw in a snarky comment.
“Oh, I think the stew should have finished cooking by now. Yin Yu, could you please bring the stew in here?” Xie Lian asked.
“Of course, your highness,” Yin Yu said as he bowed and left to get the stew from the kitchen.
“I was honestly surprised when I came in and didn’t smell something that made me want to vomit and pass out at the same time,” Mu Wing said bluntly.
Xie lian giggled as he held Hua Cheng back from flying across the table and strangling Mu Wing.
“Thank you, I’ve been taking cooking classes in ghost city trying to improve my cooking for San Lang and the baby. It’s nice to know my efforts are paying off.” Xie Lian said.
“Gege, it is my highest honor to eat whatever you make, don’t let these idiots make you think they can make something better than your wonderful meals. And our child will be strong, they will be able to handle anything.”
My Qing rolled his eyes and Feng Xin was looked like he was inspecting the design of his plate to take his eyes off of the couple. Just then, Yin Yu walked in carrying the big pot of soup. He was taking slow short steps to avoid tripping, but somehow, his foot stumbled on his robes, and in doing so, he tripped and dropped the pot.
And the soup spilled, all over the dining room floor.
Everyone rose up in shock, Yin Yu was already bowing and apologizing for slipping up. Hua cheng had an infuriated look on his face, Yin Yu looked like he was about to piss himself, Feng Xin and Mu Qing were looking around awkwardly, and Xie Lian, he had a mixture of shock and rage on his face as one of his eyes twitched.
“Your highness?” Feng Xin asked carefully.
Hua Cheng and Yin Yu stopped and looked at Xie Lian before screaming at the top of his lungs,
ARE YOU?! F****** ****** ***** ******?!?!?
Poor Yin Yu had to get a whole night full of screaming from an angry expectant mother and an angry overprotective father. While Hua Cheng didn’t punish Yin Yu throughly, Yin Yu much would’ve rather taken back breaking work than listening to his highness yell and scream at him the whole night.
——————————————-
When the baby princess was finally born, both the heavens and the ghost realm rejoiced. For not only that their heir was finally here, but his highnesses temper will finally return to normal.
It wasn’t until after she got older that they realized the reason his highness was so moody during his pregnancy was because the princess inherited anger issues worse than her father’s.