Chapter Text
“Katsuki you like cinnamon right?”
Katsuki knew answering the question would undoubtedly lead to trouble, he knew it was a bad idea to engage when Kyoka asked the question. Alas, he has never been able to get out of answering her questions and that’s really the only reason he found himself lying face down on his living room carpet waxing poetry about freckles drunk off his ass on cinnamon-flavoured whiskey.
There are certain things a person must never do, certain things Katsuki Bakugo has never done before, the most important being letting loose. He’s not the kind of person who drinks so much he can’t think straight nor is he the kind of person who complains and whines about an unrequited love. No, Katsuki Bakugo is the kind of person who knows when to stop before he’s overwhelmed, he’s the kind of person who makes plans and lists and carries them out with perfect precision. He’s the kind of person-
“You’re the kind of person who silently pines over a guy who’s been in love with you for his whole life.”
Katsuki sat up and blinked at Denki who had draped himself over an armchair, “Huh?”
“You’re speaking aloud moron,” Hanta told him from underneath Kaminari on said armchair.
Katsuki blushed though if you asked him he’d argue the red on his cheeks was from the copious amounts of alcohol in his body. He reached out to grab Hanta’s ankle and gave it a sharp tug sending both his friends tumbling onto the floor, eliciting a snort from Mina and an uncharacteristically ditzy giggle from Kyoka. “Was I really?” Katsuki asked, tilting his head back to look at his friend.
“Mhm,” Kyoka hummed, her finger prodding at Katsuki’s head. “You’ve been mumbling for a minute now.”
“Just like a certain someone,” Eijirou piped up.
“Shut up I’m not copying him.”
“I didn’t even mention a name though?”
“But you knoooow who it is,” Katsuki drawled, the alcohol clouding his good sense. His friends were villains, that’s for sure. Incapacitating him like this, forcing him to speak about his crush. Sure maybe they didn’t actually ask and sure maybe he did threaten them all into silence when he decided it was time to talk about the boy who takes up all the space in his mind but these are simply unimportant bits of information we need not pay attention to.
“Well yeah everyone knows who it is,” Kyoka said, pulling Katsuki’s head back so she could finish the little braids she had started at the back of his hair. “You’ve been talking about beautiful luscious green hair and mesmerising emerald eyes for the past…” she trailed off looking at the clock on the opposite wall, “god damn Tsuki it’s been twenty minutes.”
Katsuki sighed, allowing his head to fall back into her lap. “He’s just sooo-”
“Breathtaking?”
“Beautiful?”
“Showstopping!”
“Everyone stop imagining him right now,” Katsuki snapped pointing up at the ceiling without lifting his head off Kyoka’s lap. “Only I should think about him, you all can think about your own relationships.”
“So possessive,” Denki replied, clicking his tongue and standing up, his elbow digging into Hanta’s side as he did. “Come on Kacchan stand up.”
“Don’t call me that!” Katsuki snapped once more, lifting his head this time to glare at his blonde friend.
“You know the more you get pissed off the more he’ll call you that.” Mina pointed out, repositioning herself to sit back against Eijirou’s chest.
“Stand up stand up!” Kaminari insisted stepping right up to where Katsuki sat and pulling him up to his feet. “Do you know how to flirt?”
“Excuse me?” Katsuki asked his eyes widening to saucers.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Kaminari laughed and threw a hand over Katsuki’s shoulder turning him around to face Mina and Eijirou on the floor. “Look at these two,” he said gesturing with his free hand at the couple, “they were in the same situation as you, childhood friends, pining for years, shared trauma. You know how they went from staring longingly at each other from across the room to cuddling on the floor together?”
Katsuki wanted to shove the annoying blonde off, bark out some curses about leaving him the hell alone and stalk off to mope somewhere but there was a voice in his head. A voice that demanded he pay attention, a voice that had only gotten stronger with each shot he took so he stayed put. “How?” He grumbled crossing his arms over his chest as he looked down at his friends.
“They did something about it,” Kaminari said with a grin that could rival even the most notorious tricksters.
“I am doing something it!” Katsuki exclaimed moving to shove Kaminari off but before he could a second arm draped around his other shoulder and he was stuck between Sero and Kaminari. The worst place to be especially when they wore matching grins and smelled like a liquor shop exploded.
“Ah but moping around and calling him a nerd doesn’t count my friend,” Sero said spinning them around, “Kyoka my dearest do you think it counts?”
“Not at all,” She said immediately shaking her head and pressing her hands down on folded legs.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Katsuki grumbled, squirming in their hold.
“ You’re supposed to be making progress,” Kyoka accused.
“I am!”
“Nuh-uh.”
“I am though!”
“How are you possibly making progress?”
“Listen the six-year plan-”
“SIX YEARS?” Kaminari exclaimed letting go of Katsuki and stepping back, his eyes wide in disbelief. “Kacchan there is no way you have a six- year plan.”
“Stop calling me that,” Katsuki said almost automatically before shoving Sero off as well and moving to stand in front of the TV so he was facing the whole group. “Listen I know what I’m doing okay? I can’t just ambush the nerd, there is so much history. We gotta work up to it. If I just ask him now he’ll get scared and I’ll lose him forever.”
“Well that simply isn’t true,” Mina interjected, giggling when he glared at her, “but continue.”
“It’s a good plan guys,” Katsuki insisted, his fists clenching together in frustration at the disbelieving looks his friends gave him, “at least listen to it first before you judge assholes!”
“Okay,” Kaminari exclaimed sitting down heavily on the bed beside Jirou, “enlighten us oh romantic one.”
“This better be good my man,” Sero continued falling onto Jirou’s other side, sandwiching her between them.
Katsuki rolled his eyes before continuing, “Year one,” he said gesturing to the TV behind him as though it was a whiteboard. “Was our final year of UA, and the goal was to become friends again by then. Spend proper time together outside of the training grounds, and actually get to know each other again. We lost so much time together and Izuku is so different now from the person I used to know the first thing I had to do was get to know him again.”
“And for him to get to know you!” Kyoka pointed out shouldering past the boys flanking her and leaning forward.
“Exactly!” Katsuki responded pointing at her, “This is why you’re my best friend.”
“Awwww.”
“Hey!”
Kirishima and Jirou spoke at the same time, turning to look at each other wearing opposing expressions of disbelief and arrogance respectively.
“Catch up Red you’re lagging behind,” Jirou teased sticking her tongue out at the redhead who looked like he was seconds away from lifting his girlfriend off his lap to defend his position as best friend number one.
“Stop fighting and let him finish,” Mina chided, pushing her elbow back into Eijirou’s chest effectively keeping him seated.
“So that was the first year,” Katsuki continued, shooting Mina a grateful smile, “Then when he started University and we all started sidekick jobs I realised it was the perfect time to become his safe space.” Katsuki ignored the exaggerated gagging sounds coming from both Kaminari and Hanta at his words, “The plan was to become absolutely unavoidable, we already went to the gym and worked out together all the time so once I became the person he would go to to complain or relax or just exist, I would successfully be in every part of his life.”
“Oh my god he’s pathetic,” Sero snickered which earned him a sharp smack on the back of his head from Jirou. “Ow?!”
“Shut up he’s trying his best,” she reprimanded reaching forward to pour the whiskey and Coke mixture into the cups scattered around. “Drink this and be quiet.”
Both Hanta and Denki obliged immediately. She sat back between them with her own drink in hand and gestured for Katsuki to keep going.
“We are currently in the third year of the plan, things have been going well. All the milestones I want to reach have been reached so you idiots can whine and bitch all you want but it’s working.” Katsuki continued, his voice a little more defensive than he liked it to be, “This years goals are to go out together more, just the two of us and spend time like that. So far there’s always at least one other person with us whether it’s Icyhot or Eiji or Cheeks. This year we’re going to hang out just the two of us and maybe… I mean I don’t want to get too ahead of myself but maybe we can work our way up to sleepovers again…” Katsuki trailed off his ears getting incredibly hot when his friends all sat up in surprise.
“You horny bastard!” Sero exclaimed swishing his drink around haphazardly.
“AM NOT!” Katsuki yelled, his blush moving down from his ears to cover his cheeks.
“Oh you so are, you want him to sleep over? Oh my god this isn’t a be my boyfriend plan this is a have sex with me plan!” Mina called out sitting up in Eijirou’s lap and punching down on his thigh the way she did when she got excited.
“SHUT UP IM NOT TRYING TO-”
“Kacchan you dirty little freak,” Kaminari teased wiggling his eyebrows at the way Katsuki’s entire face seemed to have lit up with dread.
“Am not am not, this is a boyfriend plan! I want him to be my boyfriend this isn’t a sex plan!” Katsuki insisted again, his drink spilling over the sides of his cup as he stomped his foot. “We used to have sleepovers all the time when we were kids and I want him to remember that and if we spend time together just the two of us he’ll remember how much he liked me when we were kids and then we’ll have better memories to replace the-”
“Damn the internet is right you really do become like the person you love the more time you spend together,” Kirishima said cutting off the drunken spiral that was no doubt coming.
“I don’t-”
“Yeah like you two,” Sero snorted wagging his finger at the couple on the floor, cutting Katsuki off again.
“Hey!”
“Hey!”
Both Sero and Kaminari burst out laughing at the way Mina and Kirishima mirrored each other even when trying to seem insulted.
To anyone outside their friend group, this would be evidence of them disregarding Katsuki, of not paying attention to him and ignoring him when he speaks. To Katsuki though it’s a moment to breathe, a moment to calm himself down so his heart rate doesn’t spike too high.
When they started their second year of high school Katsuki had received some upsetting news.
His heart would never be the same, he could still be a hero and he could still use his quirk but he needed to be careful about his blood pressure. If he wanted to continue hero work he needed to learn how to calm himself down. When the friends he hung around with all day every day heard said news they had come up with their own plan. A way to make sure Katsuki had time to breathe when they were in large groups without calling attention to him. It was easy enough to do once they were all on the same page, they simply needed to move the focus from him onto anyone else, cut him off a few times until he realised he needed to relax and tease someone else until he was calm again. It usually began with Jirou picking up Katsuki’s elevated heart rate and elbowing one of the others to change the topic. He took a second to breathe, to focus on calming himself down and switching out the drink in his hand for a water bottle Jirou threw to him. What started as a way to keep him safe in large groups quickly cemented itself into the general dynamics of their group, noticing when he was getting overwhelmed becoming almost second nature to each of them.
“So what happens in the fourth year?” Jirou finally asked, prodding carefully for him to keep speaking.
“Right,” Katsuki responded taking a final swig of the water and continuing, “fourth year is when he’ll publicly call me his best friend!”
“Doesn’t he already do that?” Kaminari asked finishing off whatever was left of his drink.
“No.”
“Damn my bad Killer won’t make that mistake again,” Kaminari put his hands up in a defensive posture as he spoke, licking the remaining taste of cinnamon off his lips.
“Fourth year we’ll both tell people we’re each other's best friends and that will make my place in his life confirmed,” Katsuki said firmly with a nod of his head, clearly proud of his plan.
“Fourth year seems a little light doesn’t it?” Kirishima asked, curling the ends of Mina’s hair around his pointer finger.
“Yeah, that all you’re planning for a whole year?” Mina asked melting into his touch and making the three sitting on the bed gag dramatically.
“Well…”
“Don’t hold back now,” Kaminari urged reaching past Jirou who was leaning against Sero’s shoulder to fill up his glass with more Fireball than Coke. He got up and walked over to Katsuki, pressing the newly filled glass into his hands with a wide grin, “knock that back and give us all the dirty details Kacchan~”
Katsuki eyed the glass suspiciously, the haze of alcohol he had already consumed warring with what good sense was left. Katsuki always knows when he’s going to make a bad decision, he’s not stupid enough to do stupid things without knowing it’s stupid. He was however incredibly susceptible to both alcohol and his friends and their stupid decisions so to no one’s surprise he did exactly as Kaminari said and tipped the entire glass into his throat.
“There we fucking go!” Kaminari exclaimed slapping the other blonde on the back hard enough that the thwack echoed in the room making Mina wince.
“That-” Katsuki started, his voice hoarse from the burn of the booze, and stumbled slightly as it went straight to his head. Kaminari reached out to stabilise him, holding him with both hands until a small smile curled onto Katsuki’s lips. “Strong.” He muttered holding onto Denki’s shoulders for balance.
“Damn right,” Kaminari responded laughing and stepping to the side so he could help hold Katsuki up while still allowing him to face the entire group. “Now about that fourth year.”
“TOUCH!” Katsuki exclaimed immediately, giggling lightly at the way his friends all stared at him. “Not like that you freaks, so you all know how Izuku is scared to touch me?”
“We know how you’re scared of Izuku touching you,” Jirou retorted, a fond smile on her face as she watched the two boys sway slightly together.
“Right,” Katsuki agreed, the alcohol entirely overriding any sense of self-preservation he might have and urging him to be vulnerable and honest. “So every time he goes to touch me I get all weird and stiff about it BUT by the fourth year I will have gotten over my issues and I’ll be able to actually touch him outside of sparring.”
“How do you wanna touch him Kacchan?” Kaminari asked bumping his hip with Katsuki’s.
“Wanna hug him,” Katsuki said softly, his face melting into a soft dreamy expression as he spoke. “Wanna wrap my arms around his shoulders and put my face in his neck and I wanna hug him for so long I smell like him for days after.”
Both girls and Kirishima cooed loudly at his impassioned confession, Kirishima’s arms tightening around Mina’s waist. “And then?” Mina asked, not anywhere near ready to move on from whipped, pining, honest Katsuki Bakugo.
“And then I wanna hold his hand,” Katsuki confessed leaning fully on Kaminari now, depending on the shorter boy to hold him steady as he closed his eyes and imagined the warmth of Izuku’s hand in his. “Wanna lace our fingers together and kiss his scars, wanna kiss every single scar even if it takes all day and I wanna kiss him. Mina, I wanna kiss him so badly, want him to hold me down and kiss me until I can’t breathe.”
The squealing that echoed in Katsuki’s way too small studio apartment would under any other circumstance result in him rolling his eyes and telling them off for making too much noise. Now, however, with cinnamon whiskey in his bloodstream and the mental image of Izuku’s lips against his all he could do was sigh longingly and lean even further onto Kaminari.
“What about Year Five Katsuki?” Jirou asked, sitting forward with her elbows on her knees now.
“Year Five is incredibly important!” Katsuki exclaimed, attempting to stand up straight and stumbling. He steadied himself with a hand on Mina’s head, ruffling her hair slightly before removing it. “Year Five I ask him to move in!”
“Let's fucking goooooo,” Sero called out pumping his fist in the air and dropping some of his drink onto Jirou’s back.
“HANTA!”
“MY BAD!” He apologised, immediately standing up to grab the tissues from Katsuki’s kitchen and throwing them to her. “Okay go on.”
“By Year Five he’ll be done with University and will be working so he’ll have a salary and I’ll have been working for Jeanist for four years so I’ll have enough money to move out of this shithole too. I ask him to be my roommate, we can get a two-bedroom apartment somewhere close enough to both our offices and once he lives with me he’ll have nowhere to run!”
“Scaaary,” Mina said, drawing out the word and giggling when Katsuki glared at her.
“And Year Six?” Jirou asked once more, bringing his attention back.
“Year Six is the big one, after we spend a year living together we’ll know everything about each other. There won’t be a single thing about the nerd that I don’t know so I’ll have everything I need to be the perfect boyfriend. Year Six I ask him out.” Katsuki finished with a firm nod of his head.
“Damn Kacchan you’ve really thought this through,” Kaminari whistled, clapping him on the back again.
“Youuu-” Katsuki slurred turning to face Kaminari and poking him in the chest, “don’t call me that Sparky. Only ‘zuku calls me that,” he said leaning forward.
“Alright buddy,” Kaminari laughed putting his arm around Katsuki’s shoulder again and walking him over to the bed Sero and Jirou were still sitting on, “it may be time for you to hit the sack.”
“Not sleepy,” Katsuki mumbled even as he allowed his friend to seat him on the bed. “You morons can’t outdrink me.”
“Katsuki brother you are the worst one here at drinking and we all know it,” Sero snorted standing up and pulling Jirou along with him so Katsuki had no choice but to lay down with no one to hold him up.
“Scooch,” Jirou muttered pushing him to the wall and getting in as well, “you people can sleep on the floor.”
“Hey not fair you got to sleep on the bed last time,” Kaminari protested.
“Best friend privileges.”
“Okay then I’ll sleep on the bed,” Kirishima piped up standing up and lifting Mina off his lap in the process.
“You have a girlfriend go cuddle with her on the floor,” Jirou retorted pulling the extra blanket over her head.
“She’s cocooned herself,” Sero said with a great heaving sigh as he flicked her covered head. “No point arguing now, I call the armchair!” he exclaimed pushing past Kaminari to claim his spot on the only other comfortable seat in the studio.
“Man fuck you guys,” Kaminari grumbled and grabbed the throw pillow from under Sero’s head, settling on the floor.
“Night night everyone,” Mina called out, pulling Kirishima back onto the floor and pillowing her head on his chest.
“Night.”
“Goodnight.”
“Night baby.”
“Sleep tight!”
“Is he asleep already?”
“Of course he is.”
By the time Katsuki woke up the next morning his friends had already dragged themselves out the front door Kirishima and Sero leaving for morning patrols and Mina all but carrying Jirou and Kaminari out to dump them into their own beds. Katsuki was emptying a large water bottle into the back of his throat desperate to fix the sandy feeling in his mouth. He hated drinking, hated how it tasted, hated that it made him act in embarrassing ways but more than anything else he hated the hangovers. His friends never drank in moderation, it was either dry for two months straight or drinking so hard everyone blacks out and Katsuki is not as impervious to peer pressure when the peers are his closest friends. He was working on taking out the countless braids Jirou had put into the back of his hair when his phone rang, loud and incessant, on his bedside table. He groaned loudly, pressing his nails into his palm before he grabbed the buzzing noise machine and brought it to his ear without checking the caller ID.
“KACCHAN!”
Katsuki winced as Izuku’s excited voice broke through and pierced into his alcohol-addled brain like an ice pick, “Stop fucking yelling Izuku.”
Izuku giggled on the other end of the line and Katsuki couldn’t help the smile that curled onto his lips as he sat down on his bed. “Sorry Kacchan,” he says and Katsuki could hear his heavy breathing through the phone. “But guess what?! I went to a party last night, well it was more of a drinks with classmates at a bar downtown.”
“Is that what you called to tell me Izuku?” Katsuki asked laying back on his head feigning annoyance. In truth Katsuki loved it when Izuku called for no reason at all, he felt desired, cherished, like his plans to be Izuku’s safe space really did work out. Like all his effort and planning were going to pay off and Izuku would be his. He had meticulously planned it all out, holding himself back from just confessing right off the bat and instead playing the long game. Making Izuku comfortable again, wooing him, making sure he knows Katsuki all over again, he was going to keep playing this game because he was good at it. Yes Katsuki was good at waiting, he was good at patiently drawing him out until-
“No, I got kissed!”
What.
“What?”
“Last night at the bar, there was this girl who went to UA with us. Same year and everything but she was in the general course so our paths never crossed and she-”
Izuku’s voice sunk into the background as those first three words replayed in Katsuki’s head, “I got kissed!”. It was unbearable, short and simple it was unbearable. There were no metaphors or comparisons he could make that would come anywhere close to describing the kind of shattering feeling that took over his body at Izuku’s cheerful words. His plans were not working, they were falling flat. Not only was Izuku out kissing people he was so oblivious to Katsuki’s feelings that he was relaying the news about said kissing to him right away. Where was his shame? Why did he think this was okay?
“And I just had to tell you obviously.”
“Huh?” The realisation that he wasn’t actually listening somehow worsened his mortification, his ears heating up.
“Kacchaan,” Izuku whined, “pay attention to what I’m saying! What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing just waking up fully,” Katsuki lied, his voice much quieter than he wanted it to be. The discomfort that permeated through his body was audible in his voice, he knew what was coming next. He knew he needed to get ahead of it, “If you want me to listen to everything you say then stop fucking yapping unnecessarily. How am I supposed to keep track of all the bullshit hah?”
“Oh,”
Fuck.
“My bad Kacchan guess I just got too excited.”
He’s never felt worse, he feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world. Why couldn’t he just say the right thing, make him feel good? No wonder he was running around kissing random people they went to high school with, Katsuki was digging his own grave and getting mad at Izuku for choosing not to lie in it.
“M’sorry.”
“It’s okay Kacchan. I know you didn’t say it to be mean.”
So why does he still feel so fucking bad?
“So you got kissed?” Katsuki asked determined to fix his mistake.
“We don’t have to talk about it, it wasn’t that big a deal.”
Katsuki clenched his fist, of course, Izuku would try and deflect. Now that he knew that Katsuki did not care (he cares so much) he obviously would not want to talk about it anymore. “Spit it out, nerd.” Why did he say it like that?
“Well, it’s not really that great of a story I was mingling, talking to people, drinking drinks. You know how bars are.” Katsuki did not. “And one of my friends from my criminology elective introduced me to her since we both went to UA and she was really interesting. She’s a culinary major,” Who gives a fuck? “and she was really impressed by me when we were in school,” Who the fuck wasn’t? “and we just ended up talking all night, well she talked I mainly listened but it was really nice to talk to someone who knew me but didn’t have all the sordid details ya know?” Does he not like the weight of their history? Does he want something fresh? Someone new? “When it was time to go I was telling her the best way to get back to her apartment, she lives off campus isn’t that cool?” Katsuki has his own apartment too, how is that impressive? “And she kind of just asked if I was going to kiss her.” What a fucking creep.
“And you did.” Katsuki said though he didn’t mean for it to come off as accusatory as it did.
“Yeah!”
“Then what?” Katsuki asked through gritted teeth trying to ignore the pit of jealousy burning in his gut.
“Then nothing really, it was nice I mean it wasn’t my first time or anything-”
When you ask him about this later he will say he doesn’t remember hanging up the phone. Even in present time Katsuki has convinced himself that he did not hang up that phone, the call dropped, he clicked end call by accident, Izuku hung up, there was interference of the divine kind that resulted in the call ending. Katsuki Bakugo did not hang up the phone because he is stronger than that and he especially did not hang up the phone because that would mean the following video call request was his fault. He considered not picking up.
“Kacchan!”
Of course that is not what happened.
“What nerd?”
“Why’d you hang up?!”
“I didn’t the call must have dropped.”
“Uhuh,”
Katsuki’s heart raced at the teasing tilt in Izuku’s voice, the smug bastard. Izuku looked… good. He always looked good, even when he hadn’t slept in a few days and his eyes were dark and sunken or if he hadn’t washed his hair in a while or when he lost a drastic amount of weight in his first year of university. Izuku had always looked good and Katsuki often had to restrain himself from reaching out and grabbing the shorter boy by the shoulders to shake him. He’s not sure where the desire to grab and shake comes from but it is one he’s had his whole life. Since they were little boys Katsuki has always wanted to grab and shake. As Izuku talked about other friends and conversations he had had the night before Katsuki found himself focused on his own face in the small window on his screen.
It was a rough sight for sure, he looked like he hadn’t slept properly (he had not), there were bits of blonde stubble growing in on his chin, the braids Jirou had put into his hair were only half undone and the pieces that were free stuck up in odd ways. His mouth felt dry and he could see the cracks in his lips, no wonder Izuku was out kissing other people. Other women, beautiful perfect girls with well moisturised lips and skin that didn’t betray them after a night of drinking.
“Kacchan you’re drifting off again!” Izuku exclaimed before leaning closer to the camera, it should not have made Katsuki recoil. There was a phone between them, there were probably miles of physical distance between them. He should not be recoiling at the proximity and yet he did. “Are you okay?”
Katsuki almost choked at his question, damn nerd. Always calling it out when he felt off. If Katsuki has always wanted to grab and shake Izuku then Izuku has always been incredibly adept at figuring out what Katsuki was feeling when he felt it. Another reason for Katsuki to want to grab and shake.
“Fine. Just hungover.”
“You are?”
“What’s with the surprise? I can have fun too ya know?” He winced at the defensive edge to his voice but if Izuku noticed he did not react, instead he laughed and waved the comment off.
“You just don’t look hungover Kacchan.”
“Are you fucking blind?”
“Not yet.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Just a joke Kacchan.”
“Jokes are supposed to be funny shitnerd stop trying.”
“Aww Kacchan don’t be mean.”
“Who the fuck are you even talking to right now?”
“Fair point.”
Katsuki was silent for a minute when Izuku laughed again. He liked to watch sometimes, liked to sit back and gaze at Izuku when he threw his head back to laugh. It was missing for a long time, when they were kids it was more Katsuki’s fault than anything else. What reason would a person have to laugh when they’re being bullied daily after all? When they started UA and Izuku made new friends, Katsuki would watch sometimes when he laughed with them. At the time he convinced himself he was only watching to make sure shitty Deku wasn’t trying to one-up him somehow, that shitty Deku wasn’t secretly trying to make him feel lesser by showing off how many new friends he had. After the war Izuku didn’t laugh very much, none of them did if he was being honest.
The effects of something so traumatic on kids who were barely sixteen were long reaching, some of them never grew out of it. He reached up to touch his scar, permanent reminders he sometimes wished he could laser off. At that point Katsuki would watch just to make sure he never missed it, in case something someone said made him crack a smile, if he remembered something nice or if a warm breeze brushed past his face in the right way. Soon enough Katsuki was trying to manufacture reasons to make Izuku smile, going out of his way to collect gossip from Mina or Sero so he could relay it to Izuku, making food he knows Izuku likes when he cooks for the class, he tried with everything available to him to make the nerd laugh.
What really did it was in their third year, walking home from school together just like Katsuki planned like he had written down in the notebook currently tucked away safely in his bag. Izuku wasn’t talking much, he had fallen out of that habit for a while too, but it was okay. The two of them had figured out how to exist in comfortable silence a long time ago, they didn’t need to speak most times, just being around the other always seemed to be enough. Katsuki was the one to spot the new food stall, Pork Buns and the visuals of about ten chillies all around it. He tugged on Izuku’s sleeve and jerked his chin at the stall. Izuku nodded, clearly only going along with it because Katsuki suggested it. Katsuki resisted the urge to sigh and instead pulled his friend along to the stall.
“Two,” he said to the lady behind the table, “spiciest you’ve got.”
“Maybe you should try what that is-”
“Na I can handle spice.”
“Kacchan,” Izuku warned squinting at the picture for the spiciest option.
“They oversaturate these pictures to punk people out nerd stop being such a wuss.”
“Whatever you say Kacchan,” Izuku replied sitting down on a bench nearby as the lady cooked up their food. “Are you gonna keep doing quirk training with Sho?”
Katsuki held back a wince, this was the one topic he hated to discuss with Izuku. One thing Izuku couldn’t participate in, the thing that almost had resulted in him being moved to the general course, he didn’t know how to talk to Izuku about it without feeling guilty but he also didn’t know how to avoid the topic without making Izuku feel invalid. He wasn’t sure which one was worse.
“Yeah… why? You gonna demand credit for setting us up?” Katsuki asked attempting to insert some humor into his words.
Izuku snorted, not a laugh but it counted. All of it counted as long as Izuku wasn’t nonresponsive. “Just wondering how it’s going.”
“You wanna go over my notes later?”
“You took notes?”
“Figured you’d have some insight.”
Izuku’s smile was worth the way the back of his neck grew uncomfortably warm at the admission. Before he could reach out and push Izuku’s smiling face away the lady called letting them know it was ready. Katsuki moved to get it and pay before Izuku even had time to open his bag.
“Son I really think-”
“Yeah yeah I’ve got it,” Katsuki said cutting the lady off and handing her the money before taking the pork buns over to Izuku. “Here.”
“No way, that looks like it’ll kill me.”
“You’re such a pussy Izuku.”
“I’m just not insane Kacchan.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
“Hah,” those counted too.
Katsuki rolled his eyes and picked up the bun, a small flicker of doubt in the back of his head that maybe it was too spicy. It was so red the colour seemed to be sticking to his fingers and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what would make a pork bun do that but he had committed to it already. There was no way he could back out now without looking like a loser and with Izuku there watching him with those wide expectant eyes? Forget it. Katsuki Bakugo was not a coward.
The reaction was immediate, as soon as he bit into the bun his mouth felt like it was on fire. The spice raced up his tongue and spread across the inside of his mouth like a sprinter, like if a sprinter was given a torch and his shorts were set on fire, like if the sprinter was told his family would be killed if he didn’t set fire to every inch of Katsuki’s mouth, like if-
“ Kacchan oh my god ,” when Katsuki finally blinked the tears away and actually looked at his forgotten friend the sight he saw made everything worth it. The pain in his mouth, the watery eyes, how he was definitely embarrassing himself in front of the lady at the stall. Nothing else mattered because Izuku was laughing.
Nothing else counted.
Izuku bent in half, holding onto his stomach for dear life as he guffawed, his words not making any real sense as they muffled together with the sound of his laugh. Katsuki concluded this was what counted, nothing else would be enough. Nothing would ever be okay if Izuku was not laughing like this.
“Why are you walking?” Katsuki asked.
“Hm?”
“You’re walking. Isn’t your dorm on campus?”
“Oh yeah it is,” Izuku replied a sheepish smile on his face that set off alarm bells in Katsuki’s head, “I stayed at a friends place last night after the bar. Got a little too drunk to go home.”
Katsuki felt his heart hammering in his chest, there was no way. Izuku would not go home with someone he just met, there was no way this fucking culinary student who knew of him back in school and was apparently just so good at kissing had managed to take Izuku home. Katsuki could cook, Katsuki was good at kissing, well he would be if he had anyone to kiss. “The girl?”
“What?” Izuku asked, laughing again clearly caught off guard by the question. “No Kacchan of course not. The kiss was nice but I’m not like into her or anything. Just stayed with a friend.”
“Oh,” Katsuki sighed, relief flooding his veins. “Where are you now?”
“Uhhh just about to walk onto your street actually.”
”You went far last night.”
“Wasn’t that far Kacchan.”
“So you were close enough to my place but crashed at someone elses? Damn nerd am I chopped liver or something?”
“Your friends were over last night!”
“And?”
“Kachaaaan.”
Katsuki chuckled at his whining tone and shook his head, “So needy.”
“ME? You just complained about me not staying with you!”
“Did not.”
“KACCHAN!”
“Okay okay shut up already, you almost here?”
“Hm? Yeah maybe in like five minutes.”
“Alright, I’m coming down.”
“What? No Kacchan you don’t need to, I have to get to class anyway.”
“Yeah asshole I’ll walk with you, need coffee.”
“Kacchan are you sure? I don’t want to trouble you-”
“If you don’t wanna hang out just say that Izuku,” Katsuki grumbled, pausing as he slipped on his shoes.
“NO!” Izuku yelled bringing the phone right up to his face as he did, “Never that Kacchan, just you said you were hungover I don’t wanna make you leave the house for no reason.”
“So fucking accommodating aren’t you?” He retorted rolling his eyes.
By the time he reached Kacchan’s building, he was already waiting downstairs, worn black sweatpants and a tank top that’s been washed way too many times clinging to him as clear indicators of how much he’s grown.
“Hi Kacchan,” Izuku greeted, his face breaking out into a wide grin. He looked good, despite the supposed hangover he looked like he always did. Powerful, strong, capable and incredibly, undeniably sexy. Izuku laughed shoving him away when his hand found their way to Izuku’s unkempt curls. “Asshole! Knock it off!”
“Stupid nerd how many times have I told you to use that curl cream Mina got for you?” Kacchan chided shaking his head. Izuku noticed the small smile on his face, small enough to not be obvious but so obviously fond that Izuku couldn’t help but notice it.
“I am using it!” He exclaimed tightening his grip on the straps of his bag as they began to walk, “I just don’t like how crispy the film is after I put it on.”
“You just need to let the moisture sink into your hair moron, you’re so fucking impatient.”
“I am not impatient,” Izuku retorted elbowing Kacchan in the side and chuckling when he glared back. Izuku didn’t know many things, it had never been clearer than when he started university but if there was one Izuku knew it was that he was not impatient. He had waited fifteen years for a quirk, waited fifteen years to be a hero and most noticeably he has been waiting nineteen years for a certain blonde with emotional regulation problems but that’s a conversation for another time. That’s not a conversation that can be had in the twenty-six minutes it takes to walk from Kacchan’s apartment to his college gates, twenty-six on days when Kacchan walks with him, twenty on days he’s rushing and thirty on days he has time to spare. Izuku has spent a lot of time walking between said blonde’s apartment and his college gates.
“So how’s the new elective?” Kacchan asked when they stepped into a small coffee shop on the way. Izuku watched as he ordered, a large Cappuccino for himself with an extra shot of Espresso and a Caramel Latte for Izuku. It was endearing, Kacchan had learned his coffee order almost two years ago and he made it a point to always order for him, Kacchan had learnt pretty much all of Izuku’s regular orders if he was being honest.
“Ugh it’s so good,” Izuku said bouncing on the balls of his feet slightly as he talked, “Well we haven’t really started yet, only two classes in but it’s so cool already. Since it’s an Intro to Criminology course we’re starting with the basic theories necessary to understand criminal behaviour. My textbook for the class is so thick Kacchan it’s kind of like lifting weights.”
“Hah! If you came to the gym with me and Red more often you wouldn’t even notice the weight of the thing.” Kacchan retorted rolling his eyes and paying the barista. He swatted Izuku’s hand away, glaring at him when he tried to pay. “Get a job first then you can pay for shit.”
“Aww Kacchan,” Izuku whined, pocketing his card anyway. Secretly he was always grateful when Kacchan would pay, his own funds were perpetually low and after how much he spent on drinks the night before he was in no position to pay.
“Shut up loser,” Kacchan grumbled handing him the latte without meeting his eyes, “I’m keeping track of all this when you become a teacher or whatever you pay me back with interest.”
“Whatever you say Kacchan,” Izuku replied, his voice taking a singing tilt as he tipped two packets of sugar into his coffee and threw one packet over to Kacchan. He knew the blonde too, knew how he liked his coffee, knew what shampoo he preferred, knew his patrol routes, how often he needed to get his gauntlets repaired, what foods he liked to eat after a long day, the exact shade of his hair, what it meant when his eyebrow twitched in a certain way. Izuku knew all of it, he had notebooks full of it and when the sheer number of notebooks detailing Kacchan and his mannerisms grew to a creepy extent he started cataloguing in his mind. His roommate was very grateful when the evergrowing pile of Campos notebooks under Izuku’s bed stopped growing.
“So the class is interesting?” Kacchan asked once they were back outside again.
“Very much so, there’s a lot to think about,” Izuku replied twirling the stick in his coffee cup, “the first module we’re covering for this semester is about the five basic principles of Criminology have you heard of it?” Kacchan shook his head no in response, “Well it's rationality, hedonism, punishment, human rights, and due process. Sutherland basically states that-”
As Izuku rambled on about his classes all Katsuki could focus on was the way the other boy smiled, the sparkle in his eyes as he spoke about the new class and the sad way he sighed when talking about how it would be so useful to apply what he’s learning to hero work. When Izuku paused to awkwardly rub his neck with his free hand and mumble something about “if I was still doing hero work I mean,” Katsuki felt like his heart was going to give out again. He wanted so badly to do that for him, to help him become a hero again. To Katsuki he had never stopped, quirk or no quirk Izuku had always been and would always be a hero but he knew that didn’t matter. As much as Katsuki’s opinions and feelings mattered there were some things he just couldn’t fix with his unwavering belief or support. Some things needed tools and hard work, it needed late nights and living off instant noodles, some things needed the skilled and genius hands of the smartest women he knew and emptying the pockets of everyone they went to school with.
“And then this guy has the audacity to stand up and say that crime exists in a vacuum, that criminals or villains are born out of selfishness instead of as a result of their environment. Can you believe that?” Izuku asked incredolously, turning his head to look at Katsuki who only shook his head in response gesturing for Izuku to go on. “You’d think coming to a criminology course people wouldn’t still be harking on about nature versus nurture and would have accepted how both play a role in how a person-”
I love you.
Of course, Katsuki did not say it, he still had three years left before he could even consider saying those words aloud to Izuku but he could think it. Every single time Izuku went off on tangents about hero society, about how things needed to change, how people just weren’t willing to really open up and listen or have discussions about these things all Katsuki could think about was how devoted Izuku was to hero work. How desperately he wanted to save people, to help them and in turn all he could think about was how desperately in love with him he was. It was embarrassing sometimes, Katsuki was the one actually working on the ground as a hero but it always seemed like Izuku just got it . He always seemed to just understand how things like class, race, quirks all acted together to create situations where villains were born. He always had advice for cases that seemed a little too difficult, he always had opinions and suggestions and Katsuki could barely wrap his head around just how intelligent Izuku was sometimes. He loved him, that much was assured. He knew he loved the little nerd back on the Coffin, back when he felt the world around him go quiet and dark he knew there was only space in his heart for Izuku Midoriya but in moments like this; when Izuku was so incredibly Izuku he could hardly believe how hopelessly devoted he was.
By the time they had reached the gates to Izuku’s university, Katsuki had finished his coffee and Izuku’s had cooled considerably. “Your coffee’s gonna be cold.”
“Oh,” Izuku said, taking a sip and wincing at the cold liquid. “This always happens to me.”
“Maybe if you actually drank it instead of talking a mile a minute for the entire walk here,” Katsuki suggested rolling his eyes and taking the cold cup from him. He slipped a few notes into his hand and shoved him away when he tried to argue, “Your stupid ass is gonna fall asleep the minute you get into a boring lecture just go get caffeinated properly.”
“Kacchan you’re seriously spoiling me,” Izuku muttered, a dopey smile on his face.
“Investing in my partner is all.”
“Kacchan…”
“Shut up just go to class.”
When Izuku stepped forward with open arms Katsuki jerked back, regretting it immediately at the way Izuku’s smile dropped and he gripped the straps of his bag again. “Sorry, forgot.”
“It’s fine just,” Katsuki gestured vaguely with his hand hoping it would relay that it wasn’t about Izuku. It was his own issues with touch, he couldn’t handle people having their hands on him and especially Izuku. He couldn’t handle Izuku being so close without reaching out and kissing him senseless, he was doing this for both of them, he was doing this so he didn’t screw up the plan. Just one more year , he wanted to say, just wait one more year and I’ll figure it out and you can touch me all you want.
“Okay well, I’ll see you Kacchan,” Izuku finally spoke, his smile returning though it didn’t really make its way up to his eyes this time. “Text me once you get home.”
“Yeah yeah I got it hero go to class,” Katsuki teased rolling his eyes and ignoring the heat building at the base of his neck at Izuku’s fond expression. He watched until Izuku disappeared past the gates, blending into a crowd of people. None of whom Katsuki knew, a world he wasn’t part of and a world he was yet to be invited into. He took a deep breath steadying himself before turning around to walk back to his own apartment, Izuku’s now cold coffee in his hand. He would just heat it up again when he got home and have it before work, there was no need to throw it out and if he could pretend their lips were indirectly touching then that was a little treat just for him no one else needed to know about.
The walk back to his apartment passed in a blur as Katsuki’s brain replayed the image of Izuku moving in for a hug on a loop. The nerd with his beautiful green hair and mesmerizing eyes that shone in the sun, with his arms that were covered in evidence of both his insane drive and unstoppable passion, he had looked so happy when he opened those arms of his and invited Katsuki into them and immediately so disappointed when Katsuki did not oblige.
“Fuck!” Katsuki exclaimed kicking the ground beneath him as he walked. He wanted to so badly, you have to believe that at that moment he wanted nothing more than to open his own arms and sink into Izuku. He wanted to feel Izuku’s strong stocky arms around his waist and feel the way the ends of his hair would tickle his nose, he wanted to bend his neck and press into the crook of Izuku’s neck, wrap his arms around the nerd's shoulders and dig his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. It was all he wanted really, to feel Izuku’s breath on his neck and his body pressed against Katsuki’s own. He sighed heavily as he walked, thoughts of the missed hug mingling with the lingering jealousy from the devastating news from earlier in the morning.
Kissed! Izuku was getting kissed by randoms at parties and Katsuki couldn’t even pull it together long enough to hug the other boy. It simply was not something he was okay with, even aside from the irritation that bubbled up inside him at the thought of someone else's hands on what should have been his he couldn’t believe he was losing. Losing to a fucking culinary student of all people! In truth Katsuki has no issues with culinarians, he has no real issues with most people but ever since Izuku started university Katsuki has been keeping track of an evergrowing list of people he has irrational one-sided issues with. The list currently stands at:
- The gym bro who clearly knew how to use the Lat Pulldown machine but still had to get shirtless before asking Izuku for tips.
- The barista who drew little hearts after Izuku’s name when giving him his coffee.
- Girls with brown hair and pink cheeks who were not lesbians.
- Brown-haired European pilots with animal based quirks.
- The weird arrogant blonde guy in Izuku’s dorm from his first year who seemed to have Izuku so enamored before he moved off campus.
- And now the latest in a long line of people Katsuki wished daily harm upon was this supposed ex schoolmate who was just so impressing cause she was a culinary student and could kiss well apparently.
Katsuki kicked the ground again, stomping up the stairs to his apartment and slammed the door behind him. He was not going to lose, especially not to such a spectacularly unspecial lineup of people. They didn’t have anything on him! He was on track to be a pro hero, he was attractive, he was intelligent, he was strong and he knows Izuku. That’s the one leg up he had over the other extras, he knew Izuku better than anyone else alive and he’d be damned if some random swooped in and took the love of his life out from under his nose.
“Tsuki!” Jirou exclaimed, more awake than he thought she would be.
“Why are we conference calling?” Kirishima asked, his video shaky. Katsuki figured he was still on patrol and didn’t want to be caught on his phone.
“He’s getting kissed,” Katsuki said sitting down heavily on his bed.
“Who is?” Jirou’s voice came through slightly muffled making Katsuki actually look at the screen and wrinkle his nose at the sight of her brushing her teeth.
“Gross,” he pointed out which only made her open her mouth directly at the camera, “you’re so fucking weird.”
She spat out the toothpaste mixture before speaking again, “So who’s getting kissed?”
“...Izuku.”
“HUH?” Kirishima yelled, the unstable video coming to a stop as he brought the camera up to his face. “WHAT ABOUT THE SIX YEAR PLAN?!”
“Ei you’re yelling.”
“Right my bad.”
Katsuki groaned, dragging his hand down his face as his friends talked to each other. “I need to speed it up,” he said finally sitting up straight again and bringing the phone up to his face.
“The plan?” Jirou asked.
“Yeah. I’m not fucking losing.”