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Language:
English
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Published:
2025-03-14
Updated:
2025-09-28
Words:
1,585
Chapters:
8/?
Comments:
26
Kudos:
16
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Datchia gets a job (AT THE PENTAGON?!!!!!????!)

Summary:

Datchia's rent is due so they decide to get a job. Little did they know.... it was evil jobs

i wrote this at . like . 12 am . crying emoji .

This takes place 3 years after the court case. Toonturf hasn't released. and Terrance and the clones AREN'T DEAD OPLEASE FEED INTO MY DELUSIONS...........

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful day to be a Datchia . They were so full of whimsy and joy. The birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, until a minute later Redjet and Mello barged into their room.

“DATCHIA!! GET A FUCKING JOB!!!” Mello yelled

“What?” Datchia asked clearly confused. this was RUINING their whole vibe today.

“Listen, Datchia... you haven't payed rent in like.... 2 years dawg.... please I BEG of you..... we've been having to work overtime for the past 16 months!!!” Redjet begged

“Y'know guys, that seems like a you proble-” Redjet slapped Datchia before they could finish their sentence “GET A FUCKING JOB!!!!!”

“WELL THIS IS DATCHIA ABUSE!!!!!” Datchia yelled, while the other two looked confused “i- what??”

“Did you know everyday, one out of one Datchias are being abused by their dubious EVIL roomates worldwide? TODAY you can make a difference by donating 70 million dollars!” Datchia informed them. They got slapped again. “fine, I'll get a job.”

Datchia took out their phone, and scheduled an interview for something “there, are you guys happy now? You took away my whimsicalness AND participated in Datchia abuse!”

“Nobody cares Datchia, maybe finally you'll stop following Riggy around.” Mello said

-----------------

It was now a week later, Mello got woken up by the microwave beeping, they checked the clock, it was literally 10 pm. what the fuck. They got up and investigated to see Datchia microwaving a poptart. They were pretty sure you were supposed to put that in a toaster. whatever.

“Datchia what the fuck are you doing.”

“Getting ready for work!”

“YOU DONT GO TO WORK UNTIL TWO DAYS!!!”

“My job is locatedd in washington dc!”

“DUDE WHERE DO YOU WORK!?!!”

“The Pentagon!”

“.....what.”

datchia then walked away.

Datchia finally walked into the building after two days of travelling!

Chapter 2: i am so immature.

Summary:

I FELL ASLEEP WHILE WRITING THIS WHATTHE FREAK

Chapter Text

Datchia was flipping burger patties and shit, until they went to the front and saw HOE CAINE?!?!! “OH MY GUMDROPS HOW DID YOU GET IN THE PENTAHN?!?!?” They ylled “I work in the US Deoartment of Defese” Joe said “huh. alrigtvthen.” Datchia tried to engage in small talk “so like,,,, wher do you work????” “I just told yo-” suddnly tney hesrd s crassh anf iy ewas bihg gbnmg

Chapter 3: im sorry guys im just too hyperfixated

Summary:

a certain block robs mcdonalds (for a prank) i made this when i was mad so yeahs

Chapter Text

Datchia looked to see what the cra;sh was and saw.....,.,...,.,,,,.,. BLOCKY BFDI?!?!!!!!!????!§? Before Datchia could even comprehend what was going on, blocky spoke "FOR A PRANK, ROB A MCDONALD'S AND SHOOT AN OLD GUY" and right then. they saw it. Joe Caine with 15 gunshot wounds in the chest. Suddenly things weren't so sigma anymore. Blocky STOLe the chicken nuggets that they worked SOSOSO HARD ON!!!! Datchia was angry, they picked up Joe's dead body and hurled it at Blocky, who instantly fell and dropped the chicken nuggets. Datchia took the chicken nuggets and shoved them down Blocky's throat. Blocky tried getting away, but to no avail. Datchia positioned Blocky in a special way and then made him bite the curb. Datchia dragged Joe and Blocky's bodies and threw them in a nearby dumpster. Datchia looked at their drawn on watch and it said they fwere fIRED!?!!!!????!!??!? NO THIS IS CANT BE TRUE!!!! Datchia walked home and got there in the span of 5 hours. When they got home, they decided that they should get some ingredients to "cook"

Chapter 4: WHAT HAVE I SONE datchias funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!¿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¿¿¿¿¿¿¿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summary:

oh dear god

Chapter Text

DatCchia was walkinb outside until they got hit by a meteorite and fucking died lol

[timeskip to the funeral]

“genuinely what do i eben say. ???rip lil?????? bro???????????i gues” riggy said, he was the only one who came exceptfrom redjet and mello

“you wewre ourb estest fried im gonna cry why didn't you say *dodge* when thde meteorite hit!!!!??!!?!” mello screeched “we were so mdan to them when we told them to get a fucking job im sobbing i regret it all”

“well... I guess we all learned an important lesson.. NEVER take things for granted” Three tpot said

“WHO THE FUCK ARE Y”

Chapter 5: your secrets were never safe with me, when I scream the sky is listening.

Summary:

heaven

Chapter Text

They opened their eyes, crystal blue clouds surrounding them. they had no idea where they were.

They wandered amongst the blue visible mass of water droplets before coming across a man. He was bald with glasses and a brown beard, he looked down at them, blinking, expression almost deadpan.

“Who are you?” They asked, curiosity lacing their voice.

“My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This, is Elysium. I sent a meteor down to send you here, for I must speak to you.” Walter paused, “Datchia, this is the afterlife, you are not here just yet, for you have not completed your purpose. I am sending you back, if you are to fail on this mission, I will send you to the pit of never ending chinese water torture.”

Datchia looked up at him, they couldn't remember if that was their name or not, this was a lot to process and their head hurt. Were they dead? Wait—he just said they were dead, golly, why must they deal with this?

“Hold it! what is my purpleose” they asked, Walter White looked at them again, shaking his head. “You must sell the best blunt that has ever been rolled to Three Integer from the educational video titled 'X Finds Out His Value'. Do not dissapoint me.”

Datchia looked up at him again, nodding. “I will do my best, Mr. White!” in an instant, Datchia felt the spiky, yet soft grass below them. Their eyes widened (is that how u spell it idk) they jumped up and down on the soil below them, finally yelling “FREEDOM!!!!!”

Chapter 6: hel:p

Summary:

rocket maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

Chapter Text

Datchia wondered how they were going to roll the best blunt that's ever been rolled™, they then realized Riggy was a felon, maybe he knew a thing or two about rolling joints! They made their jouney from the HORRIBLE America, to the freezing weather of Antarctica, and back to America again in the span of 7 minutes.

They saw Riggy stealing BEER!!!! BEER MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!! from a bar, they made their way up to them, and as soon as they got close, Riggy screamed in a high pitch voice that could only be described as Ariana Grande. “I'M NOT GIVING YOU LORE YOU ODD, VERMINOUS SPECIMEN!!” Riggy continued screaming at them while they just listened, holding a big lollipop, also wearing a propeller hat and bubbles floating around them. “vro I just wanna know how to roll a blunt :(” Datchia said, Riggy just laughed “oh, yeah, steal Jonny's sunglasses for me first, then!”
“ok”
“wait what”

Datchia skipped off into the sunset. After a quick ip grabber, they found Jonny's house and broke in, where they found him recording a Rumble Pack episode. They snuck up behind him “hhi” they said, grinning ear to ear with pure joy and whimsy that cannot be described with words. “Didn't you die-” Datchia grabbed Jonnys glasses and ran off. “DID THEY JUST SNATCH MY SHIT”

Datchia travelled through the Sahara Desert to get back to Riggy, but not without leaking Jonny's IP to the public! They tapped on Riggy's shoulder again, giving him the sunglasses. “I did not expect you to do allat um” Riggy mumbled “But anyways, here's how to roll a joint....”

Chapter 7: not a chapteryoyle

Chapter Text

yayyy dances dance dance dancey

hi guysb thischia might not get updated until. um. guys whats the nexr month after august

thats because i wenr to go see cats [the musical..... not the movie...]

and my BIRTHDAY is coming up!! and ghe next solarballs episode will be released on my birtgday!!!!!!!!! my birthday is like tne 23rd not surd im gonna get gifts i actually likd though my mom doesn't look at my wishlists [and is alwo very judgemental of my interests and hyperfixations :( ]

vut wyaeah so yoyle but like as i was omgwhaf was that. did you guys see that. what the fuck.

um imm sorry that im talking about myself a lot but im non-binary and i ate like 4 leftover olive garden breadsticks so that cancels out the corniness

so.. youd like to know more about me? puppy dog eyes?

Way back when I was just a little bitty enby
Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop, you know the place
Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Chapter 8: chese.. 7?iforget

Summary:

excheese me

Chapter Text

After findingout about how to roll a blunt, datchia jumped in the air and clacked their heels togethern “huzzah” they yelled, thdn they went over the plan in their head. ok. so they needed paper... paper...... GRAPH paper... they smiled deviously, and then they waddled away waddle wadlle. they TRIED to do the same ip grabber trick with danno but it didn't work. aw chucks. so obviously, they raided every house in america. it wasnt long until thehy found dannos.. they broke open the door and stepped inside “WGAT THE FUCK- OH MY GOD DATCHIA???????WHAT NO WAIT IM SORRY FOR NOT COMING TO YOIR FUNERAL WAIT-” Danno screeched. just put the fries in the bag bro. “we have come for your graph paper” datchia said, menacingly.... oh hell nah vro think they tuff... ts not alpha.. “SURE SURE TAKE ALL OF IT OH MY GO” Danno shoved said paper in their face. Datchia didnt like ts. They ummnidk im tired ill uptadte ts tmrw goodnightguyd