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The night is quiet, clear and cold, and Suguru remembers New Year’s Eve. The pounding house music, the drunken cheers and the resolution he’d made.
This is the year I get over him, he’d told Shoko.
Good luck with that, she’d said.
He’d made a plan and everything. Committed to no longer flipping through photos of Satoru on his phone or waxing poetic (Shoko’s words) about his eyes; committed to changing all passwords that included Satoru’s birthday, the day they met or anything else Satoru-related. He’d committed to finally changing his phone wallpaper from the obnoxious selfie Satoru had set on the very day Suguru got this phone. And he’d committed to going on two dates a month.
Now, he’s on his way home from one of these dates, his feet pounding the pavement on an empty Tokyo street.
She’d been pretty. Thick dark hair, a sharp smile and charming eyes that didn’t shy away from holding Suguru’s gaze. More than that, she’d been cool. After the third date of the year, Suguru had given up on going for girls who reminded him of Satoru - because all it ever led to was vastly unfair comparison - and started looking for someone who shared things in common with Suguru instead.
That’s how he’d ended up with this girl: interested in European Techno music from the 80’s, spider bite piercings and down to share a cigarette or four (instead of wrinkling her nose and complaining that the smell was too intense like a certain someone else would’ve done). Yeah, she’d been really cool.
But when she’d asked Suguru if he wanted to come see a band they’d discovered they both liked next weekend, he’d still said No, thanks.
Suguru shakes his head and picks up his pace.
***
Suguru punches the code into the keypad, the little numbers lighting up in white as he goes. The door unlocks with a familiar click and he pushes it open into the best home he’s ever had by landslides.
”Hey,” he announces. ”I’m home.”
”Suguru!” somebody calls back to him, far too loudly considering the hour and the fact that their walls are not thick. ”Can you get me my gummy bears? On the kitchen table!”
With a private smile, Suguru kicks off his shoes and throws his jacket onto a hanger before he does just as instructed.
Satoru is playing a game on his Switch, sprawled out on the couch. Suguru walks up behind it to sit on the backrest, and looks down at his best friend’s effortlessly focused eyes and long, deftly moving fingers. When Suguru drops the pack of gummy bears on his belly, he doesn’t react at all, not even a flinch. But Suguru notices the way it lands on a sliver of skin between the waistband of his sweats and where his white Digimon t-shirt has ridden up.
A jingle sounds from the Switch—a cheerful-sounding one that means a level has been cleared—and Satoru grins up at Suguru. ”You’re home,” he says, and pushes himself up into a seated position, pulling his legs to his chest.
”Yeah.” Suguru swings his own legs over the back of the couch and drops down to sit in the space just created. ”I’m home.”
Satoru starts pulling at the scarf around Suguru’s neck, fingers grazing his skin. ”You don’t need this.” He gets it off and throws it onto the coffee table, where it knocks over an empty, neon yellow soda can. ”You’re not going anywhere else, right?”
”I’m not.”
Satoru lets out a hum and tears into the bag of gummy bears, popping a green one into his pretty mouth.
”How was your date?” he asks, before he’s finished chewing.
”It was whatever,” Suguru says, the answer coming automatically as he looks into Satoru’s electric blue eyes. Then he remembers how the girl had actually been very sweet, and averts his eyes to the bag of sweets as he amends, ”I mean, it was good.”
”You gonna see her again?”
”Nah.”
”You’ve been going on a lot of dates lately,” Satoru states, and there’s something strained in his voice that has Suguru stealing a glance at his expression, but Satoru’s just staring at a yellow gummy bear as he twirls it between his fingers.
”I guess,” Suguru answers, shrugging a shoulder. ”Guess I want to find someone.”
Someone to help me keep my New Year’s resolution.
”Huh.” With a loud exhale, Satoru stretches his long legs out across Suguru’s lap, pops the candy bear into his mouth, and then swerves their conversation somewhere else entirely. ”You know, Utahime showed up tonight…” A sharp, amused smile appears on Satoru’s lips. ”With that godawful perm she’s got these days.”
”Don’t be mean,” Suguru chides, even though he’s a total hypocrite because he likes it when Satoru gets like that.
Likes everything about him.
Satoru rolls his eyes. ”Anyway, I put a sour candy in her bird’s nest, and she didn’t notice for like three hours. And when she did she was so mad she almost cried.”
Suguru chuckles in spite of himself. And despite the twinge of irrational jealousy that twists in his stomach as he can’t help imagining them bickering. Sometimes he’s wondered whether there might be something there between Satoru and Utahime, or whether there could be, and he hates that he wasn’t there tonight.
But here it’s just them. Just them, in their home, with the press of Satoru’s foot resting on Suguru’s thigh making him feel better. It’s just them now.
”It actually stuck in there for three hours!” Satoru continues to relay, delighted.
”You shouldn’t have done that, Satoru.”
”Why not?” Satoru drops his head to one side. ”It made you laugh,” he says like that’d be reason enough for anything at all.
This is the year I get over him, Suguru had said.
Now, it’s mid-March, hardly even Spring, and it’s already looking impossible. Not that it didn’t from the start.
Still grinning at Suguru, Satoru grabs a red gummy bear and bites its head off with his perfect, sexy teeth before popping the rest into his mouth.
”Hey, Suguru, did you know?” he says, and his smile and whole expression takes on a flavor that’s both manic and giddy. ”They’re maaaybe making another Ghosts n’ Goblins game! It’s probably just a rumor, right? I get it, I get that. But still. Like.” Satoru makes a wild gesture with his hands. ”If this is just a rumor I’m gonna fucking kill whoever started it, you know? Cause what if it is real, you know? That’d be awesome. And what if it’s really actually harder than the old one? Suguru, I swear, in that case I might be the only person who clears the game in the whole world.”
This asshole, Suguru thinks, while a smile pulls at his lips.
Satoru continues on his rant, his foot bouncing against Suguru’s thigh in his excitement. He’s so fucking cute with his ridiculous video game skills and his non-existing humility and his lit-up eyes on Suguru’s. So damn beautiful.
This is the year I get over him, Suguru had said, back then.
Now, Suguru kisses him.
His lips press against Satoru’s pillowy soft ones, his hands are cup his face with his fingers sliding into his silky hair and what the hell is he fucking doing?
As he comes to his senses, Suguru beings to pull away with a big fucking Sorry on the tip of his tongue, but then strong arms are wrapping around his shoulders and Satoru's kissing him back.
He kisses Suguru back.
The Switch falls to the floor with a thunk, knocked off of the couch by Suguru’s knee as he pushes Satoru back against arm rest, slides his hands to the back of his neck and deepens the kiss.
Satoru’s so damn warm against him. He makes these breathless little noises as he lets Suguru tease his lips apart and taste the artificial sweetener on his tongue. Lets him taste him. Satoru gives and gives, lets Suguru take and take and take, until he finally pulls back, ragged breaths still ghosting over Suguru’s lips.
”Why’d you kiss me?” he demands, eyes boring into Suguru’s and fingers iron around Suguru’s wrist.
But he’s not mad, Suguru can tell; in the slight trembling of his hands as he clutches at Suguru like a lifeline and in the way his eyes aren’t narrowed but wide open, a pleading note to the challenge in them.
”Cause I wanted to,” Suguru confesses. ”And I couldn’t resist.”
”Couldn’t resist?” Satoru’s grip on Suguru’s wrist tightens, and it’s as if his blue eyes are daring Suguru to run away from this, to pretend this doesn’t change everything, that it doesn’t mean everything.
”Yeah,” says Suguru. ”I always want to kiss you, and this time…yeah. I couldn’t resist.”
”Always want to kiss me?” Satoru whispers.
”Always,” Suguru promises.
Satoru’s eyes go wide. ”Okay,” he mumbles, and nods a little, seemingly mostly to himself. His death grip around Suguru’s wrist loosens and his hands find his chest instead, where he can most definitely feel Suguru’s savagely beating heart. A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and then it blooms, sweet and crooked and crinkling up his eyes as he leans into Suguru. ”Don’t hold back, then."
Suguru won’t.
Smiling against Satoru’s lips, Suguru captures them. Tugs at them with his teeth, drinks up every single little sound Satoru makes, and steals the last traces of gummy bear flavor from his tongue.
”God, you taste fucking perfect,” he breathes.
There’s a pause before Satoru chuckles, ”Thanks,” and then snorts a full-on laugh into Suguru’s mouth.
”What?”
”Nothing, just…” Satoru scrunches up his nose, adorably. ”You’ve been smoking.”
”I’ll quit,” Suguru declares.
Satoru smiles, and climbs into Suguru’s lap, sliding his fingers into his hair. ”And no more dates, either,” he says, tightening his grip on Suguru’s hair.
”That’s too bad. I really don’t want to stop going on dates.”
”Hah? The fuck?” Giving an indignant tug to Suguru’s hair, Satoru glares down at him with the frown of the century on his face. ”You have me now, why the fuck would you need to?”
Suguru gives Satoru’s waist a squeeze and chuckles lowly.
”Hey, fuck you!”
Leaning his head back against the couch, Suguru just lets himself smile up at Satoru; at the sight of him straddling his lap, lips red from kissing and his breathing sped up all because of him. ”Hey,” he says easily, winding his arms tight around Satoru and bringing them flush together. ”I’d just hate to miss out on taking you out. That’s all I meant.”
”Oh.” Satoru blinks his breathtaking eyes, a rosy blush coming to dust his cheeks as he suddenly doesn’t seem to know where to look, until his eyes finally settle on Suguru’s lips. ”Uh, I guess that’d be alright."
”You guess?” Suguru quirks an eyebrow.
”Fuck you,” Satoru groans, and crashes their lips together in a bruising kiss.