Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I remembered everything so vividly, but at the same time, it was like a dream.

That somewhat dreary day when we pulled into the driveway of my new house in Gatlen Grove. It was far north of Crawley, where I was from.
My mum kept telling me, “This move was good for us; we needed to leave that city,” as if the city had been the problem. She just wanted to get out of that town because that was where my dad had died. But that story…

well, you’ll hear it later.

When we pulled into the driveway, I quickly noticed that the house was pretty old and messed up. The paint had been peeling, and the shutters were rusting, but it still looked habitable. It was a Cape Cod, one of the many copies in the neighbourhood. Complete with a white picket fence and an old oak tree growing between the neighbour's house and mine. When we took our bags from the trunk and walked inside, I went upstairs to my room. My mum had told me that the upstairs room was almost the same as my old one and I had the whole upstairs to myself.

I kept my eyes on the steps, not wanting to look at anything else. Maybe the upstairs room would be better than the one in Crawley. But then again, nothing could be better. Crawley had a history, both bad and good. This place was... new. And new meant I had no idea what to expect.
The room felt… overly empty, like something significant was missing even though it was meant to be an empty room. I placed my bag on the floor and didn’t know what to do with myself. I sat in front of the window, the long, thick limbs of the oak tree blocking most of the view. I could see the window parallel to mine through the branches; it was covered by a tapestry, a zodiac wheel print.
I only knew what one of those was from those girls who were obsessed with star signs. My mum always told me to stay away from those girls, saying they were crazy. My mum was funny like that.

I sat on the ground for a while, just kind of existing in that space. I finally got up and opened the window, sticking my head out into the cold, damp air. I stared at the tapestry for what felt like hours. After a while, it started to feel weird. Wrong... What was I doing again? The window—yeah, I had opened it. Cold, damp. The air smelled... like something I should recognize but didn’t. Should I know that smell? No, no, it was just... just damp. How long had I been standing there? Minutes? Hours? Didn’t matter, did it? The tapestry was still moving, and I was still... there. I should have felt the cold. I should have felt something. But I didn’t. My hands were cold, but... not cold.

Where was I again?

Right.

I was on the window sill, still looking out. I heard my mum call me and I went downstairs. My mum was in the kitchen, spooning something onto plates. The smell of food hit me like I hadn’t eaten in days, but I didn’t feel hungry. I didn’t feel much of anything.

She looked up when I walked in. “You okay?” she asked, voice soft, like she was talking to someone else.

I didn’t answer right away. I was still half somewhere else, like I wasn’t me, or I wasn’t fully here.

“Yeah,” I finally muttered, sinking into a chair. She set the plate in front of me, but I didn’t pick up my fork.I heard my mom say grace quietly to herself, I spoke along with her. Though... I don't remember any sound coming from my lips. I finally grabbed my fork and started eating the pasta she made, I could feel my fingers. She told me, “So...you ready for school on Monday?”

I was not.

School was the last thing on my mind. It was going to be weird to try and make new people at this new school. I missed my old teachers and classes.

“You’ll be fine,” she said suddenly like she’d been rehearsing it in her head and finally worked up the courage. “School, I mean. You’ll make new friends.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I mumbled, staring at the edge of my plate.
At that moment, I really wanted to tell her I missed Crawley. I missed my old teachers, the familiar streets, and even the cracked windows of the old row house. But she’d just say something about “fresh starts” or “better opportunities.” Something about how “this move was for the best.”
It really felt wrong. Like stepping into a version of my life where everything was slightly off like someone had rearranged all the pieces and forced me to pretend it still fit together.

“Just… give it a chance, okay?” she added, her voice quieter now.
I nodded, even though my chest felt tight. “I’ll try,” I said, my words half-mumbled but sincere enough for her to smile again.

We finished dinner mostly in silence, but it wasn’t the heavy kind. It was the kind that felt safe like we didn’t need to fill it with anything.

Afterwards, as I rinsed my plate and set it in the sink, she pulled me into a quick hug. “Love you, kiddo,” she murmured, her head resting briefly on my shoulder.

“Love you too, mum,” I said.

When I went back to my room, the air felt cooler somehow. Looking back, it was most likely because I had left the window open. I curled up in my sleeping bag, its fabric stiff against my skin, like it didn’t belong to me yet. The screen of my iPod cast a dim glow as I scrolled through my playlist, fingers hesitating before settling on the slow rock my dad used to love.
The music filled my ears, familiar and distant all at once, the steady rhythm was something to hold onto, a small tether in all this newness.
Tomorrow, I’d have to deal with my mum’s frantic school shopping—her enthusiastic suggestions, her insistence that we could make it “fun.” I should’ve been dreading it more, but instead, the thought just hung there, vague and weightless, like everything else.

I closed my eyes, letting the guitar’s soft hum settle over me. It didn’t take away the wrongness of this place, but for now, it softened the edges.

-

The next day blurred by, my mum dragging me from store to store, talking about notebooks, backpacks, and shoes like any of it really mattered. I nodded when I had to, muttered “fine” when asked if I liked something, and let her fill the cart while I kept my hands in my pockets.

I wasn’t even looking forward to going to school, the idea of getting my fat ass self in a uniform made my stomach churn. The uniforms were the same dark grey as the ones from my old school but this school had these sickly yellow neckties. Piss yellow neckties that looked like a rotten banana peel around my neck.

God…I really wasn’t looking forward to school…
We finally got back home, and the room still smelt like paint and unfamiliar wood. I set my new things in my new school bag but didn’t bother unpacking them. Tomorrow would come, whether I was ready or not.
My mom kept pestering me to let her do my hair. Twists, box braids, cornrows, anything. But as much as I loved my mom, the last thing I wanted was for her to pull and twist at my hair for hours.

I loved her but my mind was elsewhere.

That night, sleep didn’t come easily. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind ran in circles—what would my teachers be like? Would the other kids notice I was new? What if I said something stupid? What if they hated me?

I turned over for the hundredth time, my sleeping bag rustling loudly in the quiet room. It felt like my skin didn’t fit like everything was wrong and too big and too small all at once. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to focus on my breathing.

It didn’t help.

When morning finally came, the first thing I felt was its weight pressing down. The first day at a new school. My mum’s cheerful voice drifted up the stairs, but I couldn’t make out the words. Probably something about breakfast.

I dragged myself out of bed, the knot in my stomach tightening with each step toward the unknown.

I pulled on that awkward and tight uniform and looked at myself in the mirror. God…I looked awful. That uniform hugged me in every wrong way possible, making me look like my uniform was three times too small...

Or that I was three times too big…

I put on my favourite hoodie on top of everything, trying to hide myself. It was a dark blue one with yellow pony beads on the drawstrings. My dad put those on years ago, yellow was his favourite colour.

I shuffled downstairs with my bag on my back.

I couldn’t even eat breakfast, my stomach was flipping and flopping like mad, like a fish out of water.

Just as I was about to leave the door, my mum grabbed my hand. I looked back at her, seeing her soft face.

Her eyes, a mimic of mine, were tired but full of love. She leaned in, pecking my cheek lightly. She wiped the small mark of lip gloss off my cheek and spoke softly.

"You are brave, you are strong, and you're a fighter...do you know how I know that...?" She asked, her eyebrow raised.

I huffed, not wanting to look at her from how cringe I thought the question was. I knew an answer and I knew she wouldn't let me go if I didn't answer it.

I muttered softly, my cheeks warming up as I blushed, "Because I'm a bear and I am strong."

She brushed her thumb across my cheek, "That's right...now, have a good day at school sweetheart. I love you.

I nodded, slowly pulling away from her touch, "Okay mum, I love you too."

I jogged from my front door, my mum waving me off as I made my way to the bus stop. I was so scared. What if I missed the bus? What if I get on the wrong one?

When I got to the bus stop, there were only three other kids there. Some kid who looked like a 9th year and two older-looking kids. They looked to be my age, but they were tall.

To be fair, I wasn’t exactly the most impressive eleventh-year student back then — 5'10", pudgy, and, oh yeah, the eyes thing. I’ve had fully black eyes since birth, thanks to my mum. Doctors never figured out why. Some kids thought they were cool; others thought they were creepy. I hated having them either way.

Standing there, I felt completely out of place, like I’d wandered into someone else’s life by mistake. I shoved my hands in my hoodie pocket, put in my headphones, and turned up the music. It didn’t block out the nervous energy buzzing under my skin, but it gave me something to focus on besides the weight of their glance—or maybe just my own paranoia.

I stared at the horizon and waited for the bus to finally show up.

When the bus pulled up, I shuffled straight to the back, to that one single seat tucked against the window. I squeezed myself in, pulling my bag onto my lap like a shield. The plan was simple: zone out, stay invisible and just get to school.

The bus stopped a few more times, picking up more kids each time. At one stop, a larger group got on, about ten of them, their voices loud as they filled the aisles. I kept my headphones in and stared out the window, trying to tune it all out.

But after a few minutes, the chatter started to die down, fading into hushed whispers. The kind of whispers you know are about you.
I pulled out one earbud and risked a glance.

They were all staring at me.

Wide-eyed. Curious.

My stomach twisted as I realized they weren’t just glancing—they were talking about me. Whispering.

I could feel the colour drain from my face. Did I have something on me? My hoodie? My eyes? Of course, my eyes. It’s always the eyes.

I looked away quickly, shoving the earbud back in.

My worst fear came to life with a tap on my shoulder. My heart sank—I knew the question was coming. I could already feel the crack in my voice waiting to betray me, my answer fumbling before it even formed.

Slowly, I turned my head, bracing for the inevitable embarrassment, and just as I was about to speak, the boy who tapped my shoulder cut me off and with very loud enthusiasm asked, “Do you live in the blue house? You know, 205 Dazen Road?”

That’s when my fear twisted into confusion.

“Yes…? Why?” I answered cautiously, my voice barely steady.

The boy gasped like I’d just revealed some grand secret, then spun back to his friends. They huddled together, whispering and sneaking glances at me. My confusion churned back into fear.

It’s nothing, I told myself as the bus pulled up to the school. Just idle gossip. I’m new—it’s probably the most exciting thing to happen around here. No one else is going to care.

Boy, I was dead wrong.

The moment that group hit the ground, they scattered like wildfire, running to their other friends, pointing back at me, whispering, laughing. By the time I made it to my first class, it felt like the whole school already knew.

In each class leading up to lunch, it was the same thing. Whispering. Staring. Like I’d grown a second head overnight. All these kids, all of them I didn’t even recognize, were glancing at me, talking behind their hands, their curiosity almost tangible.

By lunch, I was drowning in it.

When I walked into the cafeteria, it felt like every single person turned to look at me. Their stares clung to me as I crossed the room, hot and heavy, accompanied by the faint buzz of whispers and laughter.

I wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest hole known to man and never come out.

The worst part?

I had no earthly clue why they were talking about me.

I tried so hard to ignore it, just grabbing my lunch and picking a seat. I managed to find a seat next to the two guys that were at my bus stop. I just brushed it off, paying more attention to myself, and making sure I wasn't about to have a heart attack.

“Hey, you’re that new kid, right?” a voice broke through the buzzing in my head.

I nearly choked on the dry, tasteless sandwich when I heard that question.

It came from one of the guys, a kid in a green hoodie with shaggy hair that fell into his eyes. He looked curious but not unkind. I swallowed hard, nodding, praying that would be enough to satisfy him.
But then he leaned in, lowering his voice like he was about to share some big secret.

“So...have you met him?”

I was confused again.

“Met...met who?” I responded.

His eyes widened. “You haven’t met him yet?”

“Who are you talking about?” I said, my voice sharper than I intended. Anxiety and irritation were starting to bubble together. “Who am I supposed to meet?”

He exchanged a look with his friend and snorted. “Man, you’re in for a surprise.”

“Cool,” I muttered, already dreading whatever this “surprise” was. My hands felt clammy, and I was pretty sure I looked as nervous as I felt.
The green hoodie guy must have noticed because he suddenly stuck out his hand. “My name’s Edd, and my buddy here is Matt.”

I took in both of their looks. The Edd guy was a taller and bigger dude, I could barely see his eyes under his bangs but from the looks of it, they were brown. He had a soft face with a dorky smile, contradicting his tall shape.

His "buddy Matt", was a ginger fella, he was just as tall as Edd but thinner. His hair was a mess of loose curls and waves, his bright blue eyes stark against his pale freckled skin. All topped off by black thick square glasses with lenses as thick as the bottom of a cola bottle.

I blinked at them, caught off guard by the gesture. For a moment, I debated whether he was just messing with me like the rest of the kids seemed to be. But his expression was open, his smile was genuine.
Hesitating only slightly, I shook his hand. “Tom,” I said.

“Well, Tom,” Edd leaned back in his chair, his tone light but loaded with meaning.

Matt cut in, grinning. “You live next to the one and only Starboy.”

Starboy. The name rattled in my brain. It still does. It was an awfully weird name. I couldn’t truly believe that someone had named their child that.

“Starboy?” I muttered out, “Who’s Starboy?”

The ginger laughed, “No one really knows him. But we’ve all seen him.”
Edd chimed in saying, “See, he’s kind of an urban legend around here.”
I frowned, the tension in my chest tightening. So that’s what the whispers were about? This… legend? The whole school couldn’t possibly be going nuts because of something like this, could they?
I glanced at Edd, who was watching me carefully, his grin softening into something more like curiosity— or pity, maybe.
“Look,” he said, leaning forward a bit. “If this whole thing’s freaking you out —and I guess it probably is— me and Matt could show you around. You know, help you figure out the place.”
That offer alone shaped the course of my life. If I hadn’t taken him up on it, I wouldn’t be sitting here now, writing this down.
I nodded and with a weak and probably pathetic voice said, “Sure, If it’s not too much trouble.”
Edd grinned wide, giving my shoulder a hearty pat. “Sweet! Welcome to the Eddsworld gang.”
The phrase threw me off for a second, and I must’ve looked confused because Matt quickly chimed in, “Edd’s got this comic thing he works on. Now that you’re here, he’s probably going to draw you in it.”
“Really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Most likely,” Matt said with a smile, his tone completely casual, like this was just how things worked.
Edd grabbed my hand and told me, “Let’s go have some fun.”
Edd dragged me along, through the halls of the school, pointing out classrooms and rambling about which teachers sucked, but his voice, I remember, felt far away, like I was underwater. The fluorescent lights buzzed, and every laugh, shout, and locker slam seemed to echo tenfold in my head.
Hallway after hallway—everything looked the same. Posters about tryouts and pep rallies. Kids swarming past. Matt said something about avoiding the cafeteria pizza, but I wasn’t really listening. My feet kept moving, but my brain was somewhere else entirely.
I caught flashes of what Edd was saying. ‘Library’s over there… science wing’s upstairs… that vending machine eats your money.’ It all blurred together, like flipping through a TV with static on every channel.
The smell of sweat and cheap cologne in the hall made my stomach turn. Lockers clanged shut. Someone brushed past me, too close, and I flinched. I just kept nodding at whatever Edd said, hoping they wouldn’t notice how out of it I was.
The next thing I knew, I was stepping through the front door of my house, my mind still stuck somewhere in the chaos of the day. I didn’t remember when I even got on the bus, but I did...somehow.
I went upstairs without saying much to my mum, collapsing onto the floor, and wriggling into my sleeping bag. I didn’t even bother to take my shoes off. Just curled up in a ball with my eyes closed and let the quiet wash over me. I couldn’t think anymore. Didn’t want to. My eyes drifted shut before I even realized I was falling asleep.
-
My mum called my name, telling me to get up. I dragged myself out of the sleeping bag, pulled on whatever clean clothes I could find, and made it downstairs. She was already up, sipping her coffee and humming some old tune. She gave me her usual smile, but I could barely muster one back. My stomach churned at the thought of another day of whispers and stares.
At school, it was the same thing. Edd caught up to me between classes, his grin was as wide as ever. “So? Seen Starboy yet?” he asked like it was a casual “how’s the weather?” kind of question.
“No,” I said, keeping my answer short. His excitement felt exhausting, like a mosquito buzzing in my ear. He didn’t seem to notice, though, just shrugged and went off on another tangent about the legend of Starboy.
By the third day, the routine was the same. Alarm blaring, dragging myself out of bed, enduring the stares and whispers.

Starboy this. Starboy that. I was getting sick and tired of hearing that name.

The entire school only cared about one thing: that I lived next to Starboy. They didn’t care who I was, just where I lived.

“Hey, Tom!” Edd called out again as we walked to lunch. “Still no sign of him?”

“Still no sign,” I replied flatly, slinging my bag over one shoulder. I was starting to dread seeing Edd just as much as the whispers. It wasn’t his fault, really, but I was tired of the same question. Tired of being that kid.
Matt leaned over, grinning. “Bet you’ll see him soon. You’ll know it when it happens.”

I rolled my eyes. “Right. Can’t wait.”

I remember that Saturday morning—it was like a weight had finally lifted off my chest. No school. No whispers. No noise. Just me, in the quiet of my house. I curled up in my blanket, ready for a day of doing absolutely nothing.

That peace lasted all of twenty minutes before Mum came upstairs. She knocked on the doorframe and peeked in. “Morning, hun. I thought you could maybe go into town for me. I’ve got work, and we’re out of groceries.”

I groaned loud enough for the neighbours to hear. “Do I have to?”

She gave me...the look. “You do if you don’t wanna eat a mustard sandwich for dinner.

Touché. I huffed, sitting up from my bed, “I’ll go...because I love you.”

Her face softened, and she kissed the top of my head. “That’s my boy,”
she said, handing me a checklist and 30 £.

After she left, I shuffled downstairs to look in the fridge out of spite. It was just as sad as she said—condiments, some pickles, and two slices of bread, the end bits no one liked. I shut the door and muttered, “Damn, we really don’t have anything to eat...”

I grabbed the bus route Mum had left on the counter, stuffed the list and money into my backpack, and threw on my hoodie over yesterday’s shirt. Stepping outside, I braced myself for the bite of cold air—and the discomfort of being around people again.

The bus hissed to a stop, and I climbed aboard, slumping into a seat near the middle. I dropped my backpack onto my lap and stared out the window, already zoning out.

The sound of shoes slapping against the pavement snapped my attention back. Another kid was running to catch the bus, barely making it before the driver pulled away.

I looked at the kid; he wasn’t really dressed for the weather. It was crisp out, and he wore a red short-sleeved shirt with some baggy beige capris, a pair of dog tags and a shiny stone hung around his neck. His shoes were black chucks with old yellowed laces. I looked up at his face, his skin was pale like paper, a hint of pink warming his cheeks. His eyes were two different colours, one light brown and the other blue-grey. His hair was shaggy, spiked up in the front. It was chopped just above his shoulders, a mousey brown colour.

I wouldn’t have paid attention to him if he hadn’t sat right across from me. He was holding a small notebook with small glitter star stickers all over it.
I kept quiet throughout the ride into town, but something in me called to the boy sat across from me. He watched out the window, his shaggy hair draped in front of his face, his eyes light by the early morning sun streaming through the bus windows.
I made it into the town, still looking like it was stuck in the 70’s. Buildings with once vibrant paint faded from weather, war, and time. I went and picked up the groceries my mum had written the names of.

Once my backpack was filled with groceries, I wandered back to the bus stop. I noticed that I still had 5 pounds left, and I decided to use that 5 for something for myself. I walked about till I found a small music shop. Walking in, the place smelt like incense and old paper. There were plenty of orange lights, making the place feel warm in the cold autumn. I looked around for a little while, looking at different cheap music cassettes and CDs.

I eventually found a CD of the Gorillaz album. I was so lucky to find it so cheap back then, to be fair it was pre-used, but it was still pretty popular.

I bought the CD and I left and waited for the bus.

Once I got back on the bus, I noticed the same boy sitting in the same spot. This time, he was hunched over, completely focused on a notebook in his lap. His hand moved fluidly across the page, sketching something I couldn’t quite make out. I couldn’t help but watch him, mesmerized by how tuned in he seemed, it was like nothing else in the world existed to him.

The bus slowed, the doors creaked open, and I realized it was my stop. Slinging my backpack over one shoulder, I got off and glanced back, only to see the boy rising from his seat, too.

I stepped off the bus and glanced over my shoulder. There he was, walking behind me with that same notebook tucked under his arm. The bus roared away, leaving the two of us standing there.

He didn’t stop. Instead, he walked right past me, heading toward the house next to mine. It hit me like a jolt of cold air.

Didn’t everyone tell me that Starboy lived next door to me?

I froze, turning to watch as he climbed the front steps of the beige house, its peeling paint dull against the evening light. Halfway to the door, he stopped, as if sensing me staring. Slowly, he turned around.

Our eyes met.

I didn’t know what to do. My feet felt rooted to the ground, my brain scrambling for some kind of explanation.

The boy stood there for what felt like forever, then tilted his head slightly, his expression unreadable. Without a word, he opened the door and disappeared inside, leaving me standing in my yard with my heart hammering in my chest.

I went to bed early that night, pulling the blankets tight around me. But even as sleep tugged at my eyelids, the boy’s mismatched eyes and quiet stare drifted through my mind. I told myself it was nothing, just my imagination running wild.

 

But then why did it feel like more than that?

Chapter Text

“You saw him...didn’t you?” Edd teased playfully.

I looked up from my food tray. It was monday. I had cooped myself inside my house for the rest of the weekend and I couldn't even tell you what I did.

When Edd asked me, I didn't really know what to say. Was it that obvious?

“Starboy?”

“Well duh.” He chuckled.

I nodded, saying, “I think so...?”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Edd said, leaning forward. “What do you mean, ‘I think so’? Either you saw him or you didn’t!”

“I mean, he looked normal,” I said, shrugging. “Just a guy, right? But…” My voice trailed off.

Should I mention the way he stared at me? The way it felt like he knew something I didn’t?

Matt chimed in, “What was he doing? Did he say anything to you?”

“You’re holding out on us, aren’t you?” Edd said, wagging a fry at me. “C’mon, spill. Was he sparkling or something?”

“No,” I said flatly. “He just kinda looked at me...”

Edd’s words echoed in my head. “You saw him.” Like it was some sort of grand achievement. Why did it matter so much? It wasn’t like I had solved some mystery. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that Starboy had stared at me for a reason. There was something off about the way his eyes lingered like he was trying to figure me out—or like he already had.

He laughed before shoving a fry in his mouth. “When did you see him?”

I shrugged and told them, “On the public bus, I was going to the grocery store.”

Edd said something but his words were muddled by food. I ended up asking, “Why is Starboy talked about so much?”

Edd’s goofiness stopped for a moment as he explained, “Well...He’s odd. Like...He’s never gone to school but he shows up to sports games.”

Matt leaned in and added, “No one’s spoken to him but he knows everyone's names.”

“All that and more,” Edd said, leaning back in his seat. “He’s like... this town’s ghost story. Except he’s alive.”

Matt nodded, his face unusually serious. “Yeah, but even if he’s alive, he’s unreal. Like, he doesn’t have AOL or anything. No one’s ever seen him with family. And he knows stuff about people—stuff he shouldn’t.”

I frowned, gripping my fork. “Like what?”

“Names,” Matt said quickly. “Where they live, what they’re good at. Stuff like that. And he doesn’t just know the popular kids. He knows everyone.”

A chill ran down my back. “That’s... creepy.”

“Right?” Edd said, nodding enthusiastically. “And he’s always showing up in random places. The sports field, the park, someone even saw him on a rooftop once. Like, what is he even doing up there?”

Matt leaned forward. “I heard he once walked into a wedding and just stood at the back. Didn’t say a word. Then he left before anyone could stop him.”

Edd laughed. “He’s probably up there trying to contact his home planet, I'm telling you he’s an alien.”

I didn’t laugh. My mind drifted back to the bus. He stared at me like he was picking me apart and putting me back together.

“He’s just... a guy,” I muttered, more to myself than them.

Matt raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

Those words bounced around my head too. He looked normal…

And yet there were all these stories about him. What was this guy’s deal?

Edd pulled me from my thoughts. “Hey, do you like... do anything after school?”

I blinked, startled by the question. “Uh, not really. I usually just stay home… I’m not a big people person.”

Edd tilted his head, and his face looked confused.

I picked at the crust of my sandwich. “I just… I’m not good with public spaces. I tend to... freak out.”

Edd leaned forward on his elbows, resting his chin in his hand. “What freaks you out about it?”

“The noise,” I admitted. “The movement, the feeling like I can’t escape. It’s just… too much.”

Matt, who had been unusually quiet, nodded thoughtfully. “That’s fair. Big groups aren’t for everyone. But hey, if we get too noisy, just tell us to shut up. I’ll make Edd behave.”

Edd laughed. “Not possible.” He leaned back, crossing his arms with a dramatic sigh. “But, if crowds aren’t your thing, maybe we hang out somewhere chill after school. Just us.”

Matt smiled, “Like the grass field?”

“Yeah! The field,” Edd announced, “I have this great big field behind my house, it’s super cool to walk around in.”

The idea of a quiet field didn’t sound bad. In fact, it sounded… manageable. I gave a small nod. “Maybe.”

Edd lit up like I’d just agreed to throw a party. “Perfect! It’s a plan, then.”

Matt smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Congratulations, Edd. You’ve just convinced someone to hang out with you.”

I remember that day vividly. After school, we walked to Edd’s house, where he told us to bring rain boots. “The dirt back there can get soft,” he warned with a grin.

The field stretched out behind his house, a sprawling patchwork of green and brown. Tall grass swayed gently in the breeze, and the damp air smelled of earth and wet leaves. My boots made a squelching noise with each step, sinking slightly into the mud.

Edd stopped suddenly, spinning around. “I have a great idea! Let’s play Graze Runner!”

Matt lit up immediately. “Oh, absolutely!”
The two laughed and smiled, seemingly geeking out about the game.

I had no clue what they were talking about.

Edd took a moment to explain it, “Okay, it’s basically hide and seek tag, but just a cooler name. I’ll count first!”

Matt was already halfway into the tall grass, laughing. “Better start running, Tom!”

Edd began counting, and I bolted toward the tree line. The wet grass slapped against my boots as I ran, my heart racing with nervous excitement. I crouched behind a clump of bushes, trying to catch my breath.

But then, the air around me seemed to shift. My laughter faded as my chest grew tight. My heart thudded louder, faster, until it drowned out the distant sound of Edd’s counting. The laughter had stopped, though I couldn’t remember when.

The field stretched endlessly before me, its swaying grass blurring at the edges like a smudged painting. I crouched low, trying to stay hidden, but something felt off—like my body didn’t belong to me. My limbs moved, but they felt distant, mechanical like someone else was controlling them.

The air around me was heavy, dense, and strange, yet everything felt muted at the same time. My breaths came shallow and fast, though I barely noticed then. My hands brushed the wet ground, but the sensation didn’t register. It was like I wasn’t here.

I stared at the dirt beneath me, my vision tunneling, the colors washing out into something dull and lifeless. My own thoughts sounded far away, like an echo bouncing inside a cavern.

“Move,” I told myself, but my body didn’t respond. Or maybe it did—I couldn’t tell. It felt like I was watching someone else crouched in the grass, their shoulders heaving as if they were struggling to breathe. Was that me?

“Gotcha!”

Edd’s voice yanked me out of the fog. My head snapped up, and suddenly, I was back—too fast, too harsh. The world felt overwhelming, bright and loud as if I’d been dropped into it without warning. Edd was grinning down at me, Matt just behind him, their faces close enough to be clear.

I blinked rapidly, the static in my head dissipating just enough to hear Edd say, “You okay, man? You were really zoned out.” His words were soft and muffled as if he was talking to me through a wall.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, forcing a smile. “Just… spooked me.”

Matt tilted his head, frowning. “You sure? You look pale.”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly, brushing my hands on my jeans to ground myself. The mud felt real, solid under my fingertips, but my chest was still tight. “Let’s keep going.”

Edd shrugged and launched into a new round, but their words still sounded muffled. I kept walking, letting their laughter fill the silence in my head. Yet, I couldn’t shake the heaviness lingering in my chest, like I was still half-stuck in that fog.

It was my turn to count, I stood covering my eyes. I counted to fifty out loud.
1.

2.

3.

…why was doing things like this so hard…?

4.

5.

6.

…why can’t I just have fun like normal kids…?
7.

8.

9.
…just take a deep breath…and have fun for once…

Eventually, I finished counting and uncovered my eyes, I heard hoots and whistles as I walked through the tall grass. I heard rustling to my left, I quickened my pace and saw a figure crouched in the green and brown straw.

“I-I see you!” I shouted. Matt jumped up from the grass and started to run. I chased after him, burrs and wet grass seeds sticking to my pants.

The mud splashed and squashed beneath my feet, Matt’s long legs taking him farther with ease.

As he ran ahead, just as I reached out to tap Matt, he tripped over Edd’s crouched body, crashing into the ground.

Matt practically flew, his legs flying up higher than his head. He crashed to the ground, face-first into the mud.

I remember it was kinda mean of me, but I laughed out loud. And it’s still shocking, I laughed out loud with a genuine smile. Edd laughed as Matt wiped the damp mud off of his face.

I could still hear it, just after our laughter died down, a voice cheered from a distance.

“WOOOOOOOOOOO!”

We turned to the voice, and there, standing up in the tall grass, stood Starboy.

He raised his hands above his head and cheered, “I WON! WOOOOOOO!”

I remember his face that day. The sun had been setting over us. It was the kind of light that softened the world, his body was covered with warm orange light. It made him look almost unreal. His skin caught the sun, glowing with a pale brilliance. His wrists glittered—probably jewelry, though it was hard to tell from where I stood. It shimmered with every subtle movement, catching and throwing light like tiny stars.

He looked like a star.

I glanced at Matt and Edd, who were now standing. Their jaws hung open, faces frozen in awe.

“Holy shit,” Edd said bluntly.

“Holy shit, indeed,” Matt echoed.

We stood there like statues, watching Starboy laugh and cheer, seemingly unaware of how much space he took up just by being there. Then a voice called out from the distance.

“STARBOY!”

He turned, his head snapping toward the sound. “COMING!” he shouted back, his voice clear and light.

Before he left, he glanced back at us. With a grin and a raised hand, he gave a big wave, then turned and disappeared into the tall grass.

We stayed frozen, silent, as if speaking would shatter whatever just happened. My mind churned, trying to process it all. He was nothing like I expected. He was... more.
-
Edd gave me his home phone number and his AOL screen name. He was adamant about talking about what we had seen later that night. I told him I would instant message him once the moving truck showed up with my things.

I got home and pulled off my boots. I was pretty drained after the outing, I got tired easily. My mum was getting her scrubs on.

“Hey baby, how was your day?” She asked as she pulled her curls into a bun.

“It was good,” I told her, “I hung out with these two guys from school, Edd and Matt.”

She stopped mid-motion, clearly surprised. Then her face lit up. “Oh! That’s great! If they ever want to come over, they’re always welcome.”
“Okay, mum.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but inside, her happiness warmed me. She was glad I wasn’t shutting myself away like I usually did.
She gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me, “There’s dinner in the fridge. Make sure to eat it.”

I nodded and asked, “When’s our stuff getting here?”
She grabbed her keys out of her bag and answered, “Actually tomorrow. So get ready for-”

“For noise, get it.” I finished her sentence.

She smiled, “I love you.”

“Love you too, mum.”

I trudged upstairs and flopped onto the floor of my mostly empty room. Plugging in my iPod to charge. I got my sleep clothes on, pulling a bonnet over my head. I stared at the ceiling, letting the day’s events replay in my mind. Despite everything, an odd loneliness crept in. The silence of the house pressed in on me, broken only by the faint hum of the heater. My thoughts wandered to school, to the finals I wouldn’t be taking, to Starboy.

A soft thud broke the quiet, pulling me back to the present. Sitting on my windowsill was a small grey cat with wide green eyes.

“Oh, Hi there...” I called out to it.

It didn’t move as I got up, but the moment I reached out, it darted off into the night. I stood by the window, my hand lingering on the cool glass, and peered outside. My eyes drifted past the branches of the tree, settling on the window of the house next door—Starboy’s house.

Through the faint glow of light filtering through the tapestry covering his window, I could just make out the outline of a person inside. Music floated faintly in the air, blending with the rustling leaves. I couldn’t see his face, but the way his shadow moved, it was undeniably him.

The scenes from earlier played in my mind again: the way he had cheered in the field, the flash of his jewellery in the sun, the way his gaze seemed to linger on me just a little too long. There was something so… magnetic about him. Mysterious in a way that kept pulling my thoughts back, even when I tried to let them drift somewhere else.

I stared for a few more moments, caught in my own thoughts, until the glow of my iPod’s screen caught my eye. The charging icon was gone.
I slipped in my headphones and shuffled downstairs to eat dinner, the music helping fill the lingering quiet in my head. Afterwards, I retreated back to my room, curling up in my sleeping bag on the floor. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I woke up to my mum calling my name.

The morning light streamed through the bare window. Groggily, I crawled into my uniform, stuffing my iPod into my bag. As I headed downstairs, I was greeted by the sight of a large white moving truck parked outside, movers bustling about.

My mum stood in the doorway, her hair still in her bonnet as she chatted with one of the movers. The sight made me smile faintly—she always had a way of making any situation seem normal, even chaotic ones. I sighed, feeling the weight of the morning settle in, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek before stepping outside.

The air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of wet grass. I walked toward the bus stop, spotting Matt and Edd already waiting. As soon as Edd saw me, his face lit up. Without hesitation, he ran toward me, his voice breaking through the morning stillness.

“Hey, Tom!”

He put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair. I mumbled something in response and followed him onto the bus, sliding into the seat next to Matt.
The noise of the other kids boarding filled the bus, their chatter spilling over. I kept my head down, plugged in my headphones, and tried to lose myself in my ska playlist. It was the only thing that made the noise bearable, and I started to drift off, the constant thrum of the bus rocking me into a daze. I couldn’t wait for the day to be over.

We got to school, and I shuffled through the hallways with Edd and Matt, doing my best to avoid eye contact with the groups of kids passing by. It wasn’t that I was trying to hide. I just... didn’t want to engage. I just wanted to be left alone.

My first class was history. I sat in the far corner like usual, trying to blend in. But of course, that never worked. Not when you’re the new kid with the title: "The guy who lives next to Starboy."

A few minutes in, the door swung open, and a kid I didn’t recognize walked in, the kind of kid who had the “popular” vibe. He paused for a second, his eyes catching mine. Then he looked at me—really looked at me—and his face twisted into a confused grin.

"Dude," he said, louder than necessary. "What’s wrong with your eyes?"

I felt my heart stop. It was like the room tilted sideways. A cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck as I turned my gaze to the floor. I could feel the eyes of the class on me. I wanted to sink into the floor, or just disappear altogether.

My hands started to shake. I didn’t know how to answer him. I didn’t know how to explain anything. I couldn’t form words. The room was too bright, too loud. Everyone’s eyes on me felt like a thousand weights pressing down, crushing me.

I stood up abruptly, my chair scraping noisily against the floor. I didn’t care. I just had to get out of there. I grabbed my stuff, not even bothering to apologize, and bolted out of the room. The hallway seemed to stretch forever as I ran, my feet pounding against the tiles, my breath coming in sharp gasps. I made it to the bathroom, locking myself in the farthest stall, and pressing my back against the cool metal door.

I didn’t know how long I sat there, head resting on my knees, staring at the tiles. It felt like the whole world was closing in on me.

I wanted to scream, or cry, or maybe both. I sat on the floor, hyperventilating, coughing and even gagging on my own spit. I didn’t know why it hurt me and made me cry as much as it did, but my heart felt like it was going to explode then. I could hear the occasional footsteps outside the door, and the muffled voices of kids in the hall, but it all felt so far away. Like none of it had anything to do with me.

Was that what I was now? The kid with weird eyes? The kid who lived next to Starboy? I didn’t want to be that. I didn’t want to be the freak. But everything felt so... suffocating. Like I couldn’t breathe without everyone noticing how wrong I was.

A voice called out to me, echoing in the restroom, “Hello? Is there someone in here?”

I sniffled and wiped my face, standing up and peering out from behind the stall door. “Yeah...” I muttered, my voice thick.

It was Mr. Franswa, one of my teachers back then. He was standing by the sinks, his hands on his hips. “You’re Thomas Rodman, right?”

I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve and nodded, my throat tight.
He looked at me, a little concerned. “Are you feeling alright?”

I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. My gaze stayed fixed on the tiles as I mumbled, “I feel sick. Like I’m gonna puke.”

“Well, how about we call your parents and have them pick you up?” he suggested gently.

I nodded again, the idea of being home, away from the weight of the school, sounded like a relief.

I nodded and we started to walk towards the front office. He looked at me while we walked, finally saying, “You’re in my history class. I saw what Mark said to you.”

Mark. Apparently, that was the name of the kid who called me out.

“I’m guessing you just got pretty upset and freaked out?”

I nodded again, still not looking up. The lump in my throat felt like it might choke me.

“If you ever feel like that again, let me know, okay?”

I didn’t answer. I just nodded again, my throat too tight to say anything else.

We reached the nurse’s office, and I slipped inside. I didn’t even look at the nurse as I walked past her and sat in one of the plastic chairs, feeling the cold press against my legs.

Time dragged on. Minutes felt like hours. I sat there, staring at the floor, my head full of noise—Mark’s voice, the looks from the other kids, and that strange emptiness that never seemed to leave.

My mum finally showed up in her scrubs. She was probably getting ready for work and it made me feel guilty. It was really hard for her back then and I felt like an awful son.

Sometimes, I still feel like an awful son.

We got in her car and I laid down in the back, wiping my nose full of snot.
She stayed quiet for a while, but she finally broke the silence.

“Did something happen...?” she asked, “I know the difference between when you’re sick and when you're upset.”

I felt bad, I didn't want to rely on her so heavily like I was just another one of her patients. I muttered quietly, “I just had a panic attack.”

She sighed as she stopped at a stop light, reaching her hand into the back seat and touching my arm. She didn’t hold it or grab it, just a gentle touch, to let me know she was there.

I relaxed a bit and told her, “I’ll go to school tomorrow. I promise.”

When we got to the house, my mum told me I could stay home for the rest of the day and I could start unpacking. I wiped my nose and gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading inside. The house was cluttered with boxes and half-assembled furniture, a maze of our lives waiting to be put back together.

I shuffled upstairs to my room. It was mostly bare except for my mattress on the floor and stacks of boxes labelled in my mum’s neat handwriting. The air was stuffy and thick with that old house smell, so I crossed to the window and pushed it open. A cool breeze swept in, brushing against my face, and for the first time all day, I felt like I could breathe again.

I threw off my uniform and turned to the nearest box, hoping my bass guitar had survived the move. As I began unpacking, I heard a faint thud at the window. My head snapped up. Sitting there, as if it had never left, was the grey cat with the wide green eyes.

“Hey, it’s you again,” I murmured, walking toward it. Slowly, I extended my hand, trying not to startle it, but just like before, it darted off before I could get close.

I sighed, resting my hands on the windowsill, and stared after it. The cat disappeared into the tree branches, and my gaze wandered further—to the window with the tapestry.

Starboy’s window.

I was about to turn away when a loud creak cut through the air. My heart skipped as I watched the tapestry shift, the window sliding open.

Chapter Text

I froze, my breath catching in my throat as the window creaked fully open. Starboy stood there, perched on the sill. His eyes, wide and glinting like one silver and one rich copper coin, locked onto mine.

He had these downturned eyes. Two different colours. I didn’t know then, but it was called heteochromia.

And it was beautiful.

I made him feel more unreal than he already was.

He wasn’t gorgeous. Wasn’t ugly. He had more angled features, a strong nose and a slim face. He was reed thin, with pale skin.

He was this ghost-like being. Dreamy and surreal.

Starboy’s eyes sparkled brightly, he seemed so…kind. Sweet. His smile was huge and bright, his teeth slightly crooked, but in a dorky and charming way. He had these two cute buck teeth, his eyes scrunched all tiny when he smiled.

My heart pounded in my chest, each beat so loud it felt like it would break free if I dared to take a deep breath.

He didn’t move. Neither did I. We just... stared. Time seemed to stretch impossibly long—five minutes, maybe seven? I couldn’t tell. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even gesture. Just those eyes, steady and unblinking, holding me in place. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it sent an unsettling current through my body, like standing too close to the edge of a high cliff.

My brain finally kicked into gear, nudging me with the simplest of instructions: Raise your hand and say hello.

My body resisted every step of the way, but somehow, my hand began to lift. Slowly, shakily, I managed a small wave. My fingers trembled, and I wished I could vanish into the floorboards.

I gave out a very quiet and weak, “Hello.”

“Hello,” He said back.

God, the way he sounded.

He had this smooth and calming voice, with an accent I couldn’t place—just enough to make every word feel deliberate, like music.

My throat felt dry and my legs felt like lead. I wanted to say something but he beat me to it first.

“What’s your name?” My brain short-circuited. It was as though the wires connecting my thoughts to my mouth had frayed.

“I- uh, I’m uh—” The words stumbled out, tripping over themselves.

Starboy didn’t rush me. He just stood there, patient, watching me struggle with a faint smile on his face.

Finally, I gave up trying to sound composed and sighed, “Tom.”
His smile widened, those crooked teeth flashing again. “I’m Starboy,” he said, his tone light, almost playful. “I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

So, he knew how famous he was. That confidence radiated from him effortlessly. I nodded quickly, barely trusting myself to speak. “I have.”

I froze as Starboy leaned against his window frame, the bright noon light catching his face and making his pale skin glow white. His whole presence felt effortless like he belonged in some dream I wasn’t supposed to be part of.

“So, Tom,” he said, his voice smooth and melodic, carrying that faint, unplaceable accent that made every word feel deliberate. “What brings you to this little corner of the world?”

I blinked, scrambling to think of something, anything to say. “Uh, my mum...work stuff, I guess.”

“Ah, new beginnings,” he mused, his gaze drifting off toward the horizon like he was seeing something far beyond the rows of houses and trees. “This place has a way of welcoming strangers.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I asked the question that had been sitting heavy in my chest since I first saw him. “Why does everyone know you?”

He didn’t even flinch. His smile stayed steady, but there was something in his eyes—something amused like he was in on a joke I hadn’t been told yet. He explained it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “People like a story, And I... I give them something to talk about.”

I frowned, confused. “Like what?”

He laughed softly, a sound that was equal parts warm and maddeningly cryptic. “You’ll see,” he said, his tone teasing. “Maybe one day, you’ll have a story of your own to tell about me.”

I opened my mouth. What was that supposed to mean? But before I could, a sharp voice called out from inside his house. “Starboy!”

He sighed, rolling his eyes with a smile that somehow didn’t falter. “Gotta run. See you around, Tom.”

And just like that, he was gone, disappearing back into his room. I stood there staring at the empty window, feeling like I’d just met someone from another world. Maybe I had.

I stared at that window for a little while longer—I don’t remember how long exactly, but long enough for my thoughts to start looping. Eventually, I forced myself to move, trudging downstairs to grab something to eat.

The wooden steps creaked under my weight, and my stomach gave an annoyed grumble, reminding me I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The kitchen was still a mess, with half-unpacked boxes stacked against the walls, but I managed to dig out a granola bar and a bottle of water. Good enough.

As I turned to head back upstairs, a burst of laughter caught my attention. I frowned and glanced out the window.

Edd and Matt were getting off the bus.

Edd, as usual, was gesturing wildly, probably in the middle of some story, while Matt followed beside him, hands in his pockets, smiling faintly. They looked... normal. Like today had been just another school day.

I hesitated, the granola bar hovering near my mouth.

I could just let them walk home.

I didn’t have to say anything.

But then I thought about my room. Bare, quiet, full of boxes and nothing else. And before I could second-guess myself, I opened the front door.

“Hey!” I called out, my voice coming out softer than I intended.

Edd’s head snapped up immediately, his grin widening.

“YO! Where were you today?” he called, already jogging up the driveway, Matt trailing a little more casually behind.

I wasn’t gonna tell them I had a panic attack, back then I thought they would’ve thought differently of me...but Edd and Matt were never like that, even now they aren’t.

“Well, I just had things at home to do...” I mumbled, shifting my weight. “Like, uh... unpacking.”

Edd’s face lit up. “Oh! Do you want us to help you?”

Matt nodded, his voice lighter but still calm. “Yeah, we don’t mind.”

I hesitated again, my grip on the granola bar tightening. My room was still a mess, and having them in my space felt... weird. Like it would make things real in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

But at the same time…

It was better than sitting there alone.

I exhaled, rubbing the back of my neck. “Uh... sure. If you guys want.”

Edd fist-pumped. “Sweet! Let’s go!”

Matt gave me a small, knowing smile—like he could tell I wasn’t totally comfortable but appreciated the effort. He didn’t say anything about it, though, just followed Edd inside.

I shut the door behind them, my stomach twisting—not in a bad way. Just... in a way, I couldn’t quite name.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Edd and Matt stepped inside, and immediately, my skin prickled. Were they judging me? Judging the half-unpacked boxes, the scattered furniture, the way everything still felt... unfamiliar?

“Uh—just take your shoes off and leave them by the door,” I muttered, shifting on my feet.

Neither of them said anything, but they kicked off their sneakers and tossed them in the growing pile by the entrance. I couldn’t tell if they were actually thinking anything about the house or if it was just my own nerves twisting everything.

Matt glanced around the living room, his hands still tucked in his pockets. “Do you want us to help with the whole house?”

I tensed. “No—no! Just my room,” I said quickly. “My mum and I will sort out the rest of the house...”

Matt nodded like that answer made perfect sense, but Edd had already wandered a few steps in, inspecting the space like he was absorbing every little detail. I resisted the urge to grab his hoodie and drag him upstairs before he could make any comments.

“Alright, c’mon,” I said, jerking my head toward the stairs. “It’s a mess, so don’t say anything about it.”

Edd snorted. “No promises.”

Matt gave me a reassuring smile. “We won’t judge.”
I swallowed, not entirely convinced, but turned and started up the stairs anyway, listening as their footsteps followed behind me.

Every step felt like a weight added to my shoulders. I opened my door to the mess of my room.

“Welcome to my...very humble abode,” I muttered. It felt so wrong having them in my space. It was something I was very particular about and having practically strangers in it...it made me feel jittery.

“Well...this isn’t too bad.” Edd pointed out, snapping me from my thoughts. “I mean, it’s just a few boxes.”

Matt walked over to one of my boxes, pulling out some rolled-up posters of mine.

“Holy shit, you have a ‘Hybrid Theory’ poster?” Matt asked with a hint of astonishment.

I nodded, smiling slightly, “Yeah, I love Linkin Park...I’m more of a ska fan though.”

Edd gave a lighthearted laugh, “Ska? So...rock with trumpets?”

We all had a laugh at the comparison, and I nodded again, “Yeah, I guess so.”

Matt walked over to another box and opened the top. He laughed slightly, “Oh boy...Edd’s gonna have a show with this...”
Edd immediately looked into the box, “YO! A WINDOWS 98?!”

I sat stiffly on the edge of my bed, watching as Edd and Matt dug through my boxes like kids on Christmas morning. Every time they pulled something out, I braced myself, half-expecting them to find something embarrassing.

“Dude, we have to set this up,” Edd practically shouted, yanking at my computer cables. “Do you have Doom on here? Myst?”

I nodded, gripping my hands together. It wasn’t so bad. Just a little cluttered. Just a little loud.

Then Matt pulled out a DVD case and let out a low chuckle. “Oh man...check this out.”

Edd turned his head so fast I thought it might snap. “What? What is it?”

Matt held it up, and my stomach dropped. Interview with the Vampire.

“Dude, no way,” Edd said, looking between me and the case, a grin spreading across his face. “You like Interview with the Vampire?”

Heat crawled up my neck. My fingers twitched. “Put that back,” I muttered quickly, reaching out to grab it.

“Hey, no shame, man,” Matt said, still smiling. But Edd was already laughing.

“I don’t,” I snapped, gripping the DVD too tightly. “Just...drop it.”

The room went quiet for half a second. Edd blinked at me, his smirk faltering. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.

The open boxes. The clutter. The mess. The two of them touching my things. Edd’s voice bouncing off the walls. It was too much.

I rubbed my hands over my face, hunching over. My head buzzed like a static-filled TV screen. I just needed...God, I didn’t even know what I needed.

Matt was the first to notice. He nudged Edd’s arm and murmured, “Hey, maybe cool it a little?”

Edd opened his mouth, probably to argue, but then I felt his eyes on me. His expression shifted.

“Oh—uh. Hey, dude, sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’ll stop digging around if you want.”

I took a slow breath, exhaling through my nose. I hated this. Hated that my brain worked like this.

But at least they weren’t pushing it.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Just...give me a second.”

The room was quiet for a beat before Matt spoke up again, light but careful.

“Want us to just help set up your computer?” he asked. “No more digging, I swear.”

I hesitated, then gave a small nod. “…Yeah. That’s fine.”

Edd, despite his usual energy, actually seemed to hold back, focusing on untangling wires instead of rifling through my things. The tension in my chest eased—just a little.

“Holy shit...Is that his room?” Edd asked, breaking me from my thoughts once again. His voice was calmer than before but filled with awe. He stepped over my boxes and crouched down by the window.

“Have you talked to him?” Edd asked with a whisper as if he didn’t want Starboy to hear.

I stood up from my bed, placing the movie down on the blanket. I walked to the window, crouching down beside Edd.

“Yeah…I just did.”

Edd whipped his head around. “Really!? A-And?”

“And… he was nice.”
Edd stared at the window in astonishment. There wasn’t really much to say. He had spoken to me. A boy who…was different.

Maybe a homeschooled kid gone array. Maybe he really acted that way.

Maybe it was all an act.

But whatever it was, it drew me in.

He drew me in.

Edd stood up, “Oh! I just got the best idea!” He jumped about, getting himself excited. “I could make a comic about him!”

Matt laughed and rolled his eyes, and I even let out a little laugh.
As Edd rambled about his conspiracies and theories, Matt came up to me.
“Hey, I just wanna say, Edd never means any harm. I know he’s…much, but he really is a good friend, and he thinks you're cool, and not just because of the whole ‘Starboy’ thing…”

I remember that statement word for word. It burned into my skull. Matt barely knew me then and yet, he made it a point to make me feel…included.

I smiled, fiddling with my fingers like a dork. “Thanks Matt…”
Matt smiled back, his straight white teeth gleaming as he did. He patted me on the back, “No problem.”

Just as I turned away to put the DVD down, Matt spoke up again, "also...don't worry about the movie thing...." He leaned close, his voice a hushed whisper, "...my favorite movie is Clueless...but don't tell Edd."

He winked and I let out a small laugh.

They spent a little while longer unpacking my things and setting up my room and my computer. Edd would occasionally glance out my window, hoping that he would catch a glimpse of Starboy.

-

After what felt like an eternity, swimming in boxes and packing paper, we finally finished unpacking all my things, at least for my room.

Edd, Matt and I looked around at the progress we made, the empty boxes flattened and folded up, the packing paper all stuffed in a trash bag.
It looked…roomy. Something like that, it just felt more like somewhere that was mine. Not just a room with my things in it but a place that was really mine.

Edd managed to get my computer plugged in and set up, so we started messing around, roaming through the internet during its early days.
After a few hours, my mum got home. She walked in and we heard her call out from downstairs.

“Honey! I’m home! Who’s here?”

The three of us stuck our heads out of my door.

“Hey mum…” I spoke softly, still a little awkward having people over.

I remembered the way she looked up the stairs, her eyes all scrunched up and she gave us a huge smile. She was genuinely happy to see I had friends over. Back then, she was always worried about me being alone, I struggled with talking to people, and it was nice to see her so happy for me.

It was nice to see her happy after that stressful year.

“Well, hello you two! Tom, are these the friends you hung out with the other day?” Her voice was much more cheerful and upbeat than it had been that week.

I nodded, a little embarrassed, “Yeah, This is Edd and Matt.” I gesture to them.

“Hello, Miss Tom’s mum!”

“Hello, ma’am.”

She thought they were charming.

“Well, Aren’t you two nice? You can just call me Mary,” She introduced herself, placing her grocery bags down. “If you boys would like, you can stay and eat dinner with us, I have pizza in the car.”

Matt and Edd exchanged glances, before nodding. “We would love to,” Matt answered, “we just need to call our parents.”

My mum nodded, “Alright, I’m gonna grab the pizzas, the phone’s down here if you need it.”

I remember that night, it was the first night in a while to make my life feel just a little more on track. Edd, Matt and I sat in my living room, watching TV and cracking jokes. I was actually having fun for once. No tense feeling in my gut, no weird blurry episodes, no stomach pain, no second thoughts. Just a normal kid and his friends, eating pizza and laughing. Everything felt lighter like my feet weren’t touching the ground. I felt so free.

It was like that all evening, even when Edd and Matt had left. I sat on the couch with my mum, watching late night telly and having a good time together.

But that night was the start of something great.

As I went to bed, finally able to sleep on a mattress, I saw something in the window sill.

I wasn’t sure what to think of it then, or even now, but I do know…it changed my life forever.

On the window sill, sat a letter. The envelope was a red color with gold foil stars all over, held shut with tape
.
I opened and read the letter inside:

“Stjerner mot en svart nattehimmel,
hvordan det ikke kan sammenlignes med øynene dine.
Med stemningsfulle blå og rutete sko,
Som jeg gjerne vil bli kjent med deg.

 

Sincerely, Starboy.”

Chapter Text

I stayed up late that night.

I sat at my desk, just staring at the paper, for what felt like hours.
For once in my life, ever since I had moved from Crawly, ever since I last saw my dad, something felt…real.

Everything I touched, smelt, heard, and tasted… felt like it had a cloud of fog around it.

But that paper…I could feel it. The notebook paper was smooth, almost unpleasant under my fingers.

It twisted and folded around in my head the longer I looked at it. I couldn’t figure out what it said. It was written in another language.
I lost feeling in my toes, my elbows hurt from leaning on them, and my eyes started to sting and make my head hurt. All because of that paper, I couldn't look away.

“Honey…?”

I looked up from the paper and looked to my open door to see my mum. She stood in the open door, her bathroom robe wrapped around her, her curly hair hidden in a bonnet.

“Honey, what are you still doing awake?” She asked, her voice sounding drowsy.

I glanced at my alarm clock, 2:38.

I rubbed my eyes, his body feeling weak and stiff. “I’m… I’m okay mum…just…just kinda…”

I couldn’t think of an excuse; I didn't even know what to tell her.

I tucked the paper away in a drawer and stood up, my knees and legs shaky and stiff, it felt like they would give out on me at any moment.

“Sorry mum…”

She softly shuffled into my room, brushing my hair back. I could see her dark, tired eyes, even in the darkness of my room. She leaned in and kissed my forehead, cupping my cheek in her hand.

Her hand was warm and soft, her kiss gentle and loving.

She moved her hand to the back of my head, pulling my head to her chest as she hugged me. I relaxed into her touch. I had almost forgotten how much I truly loved and cared for her.

“Just get some sleep, honey…okay?” Her voice, soft and sleepy.

“Okay mum…”

I shuffled over to my bed as my mum made her way to the door. As I slipped into bed, I looked back up to my mum, standing in my doorway, watching over me.

“Goodnight, Tommee bear…”

I smiled, my gut churning from the bittersweet memory of where that name came from.

“Goodnight, mummy bear.”

My mum slid out of view, closing the door as she did, leaving me in the moonlit room alone.

The note lingered in my head for a little while longer till my eyes grew heavy, and eventually, I fell asleep.
-
My alarm went off at the usual time, but my body still wasn’t ready. My hair was dry and tangled. I really wish I had worn my bonnet to bed that night. My bones ached as I sat up from my bed, rubbing my eyes and stretching before getting up.

I shuffled through my room, my eyes landing on the drawer I had put the note in. My heart gave a quick flutter before settling again.

I grabbed my uniform and that fugly necktie, tying it and making a sloppy knot in the tie. I stood in front of my mirror, looking myself up and down.

Unpleasant thoughts ran around my head, shivering up my spine and itching at the back of my neck. I hated that uniform.

I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder.

I felt worse than usual that morning. My head throbbed, and my eyes were sore. I felt like curling under my bed and never coming out.

I shuffled out of my door, glancing down the stairs.

My mom was at the door, speaking to someone at the door. I took slow steps down the stairs, grimacing each time the steps creaked under my weight.

My mom heard me coming down, glancing over to me before looking back to whoever she was speaking to.

I stepped up to her, about to make my way out the door. She glanced at me and smiled, then she looked back at the person at the door.

“Oh, this is him now. This is my son, Thomas.”

I raised an eyebrow and leaned past the door, seeing who was standing on the porch. It was some guy.
“Tom, this is our neighbour, Paul.” My mom explained.

I squinted my eyes at him.

He was a stocky guy with messy hair, thick bushy eyebrows and a face full of stubble. He had on a salmon coloured sweater that looked like it had seen better days, with a brown winter coat on top, a pair of stained blue jeans and worn-down steel toes.

He stuck his hand out, his stiff but kind smile on his face.

“Nice to meet you, Tom.” His voice had an accent to his voice, not British, and it was subtle.

I reached out hesitently, his calloused hands rough against my pudgy hands. “Nice to meet you too… Mr. Paul.”

Paul let out a chuckle, “Please, just call me Paul. No Mister is needed.”

I gave an awkward laugh, pulling my hand back because it was getting sweaty. “Okay. Well…I have to go now, nice to meet you.”

I slipped past my mom and this “Paul” guy, keeping my head low.

“Bye, honey!” My mom called out.

“See you later, Thomas,” called out the stranger at my door.

As I walked to the bus stop, I kept glancing over my shoulder at the man on my porch. He kept talking to my mom, eventually handing her something.

But because I was too distracted, I didn't realise the curb was right in front of me. I slammed my toe into the curb and fell forward, right in front of Edd, Matt, and the other strangers at the bus stop.

I heard a few giggles and snorts, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, my face burning hot, I thought my skin would melt off. Edd was smiling down at me, his brow furrowed with worry as he helped me up.

“Hey man, you okay?”

I nodded, my stomach and chest hurting from the fall. I dusted myself off, noting the new small rip in my shirt.

Matt gave a lighthearted laugh, helping me dust off my shirt, “What’s got you tripping over yourself?”

I huffed, “There was some dude at my door, he said he was our neighbour, his name is apparently ‘Paul’.”

Edd glanced down the street towards my house. “Huh. I didn’t know there was a Paul in our neighbourhood.”

Matt snorted while shaking his head, “You wouldn’t know where your butt was if it wasn’t attached to you.”

Edd looked back at Matt, seemingly squinting his eyes at him, but it was hard to tell with all the hair in front of his face.

Matt nudged Edd before explaining, “That Paul fella lives in the same house as Starboy, along with another gent who I don’t know the name of.”
I was intrigued, “I thought no one really knew about Starboy.”

Matt pushed his glasses up. “Well, context clues exist. Starboy is our age and clearly doesn’t work, so he doesn’t have a house of his own. And Paul isn’t as mysterious as Starboy; he actually has a pretty open personal life.”
Matt paused, adjusting his glasses once more. “Paul works at the car shop near the ASDA, and my dad and he talk from time to time when he’s on break.”

Edd and I stared at Matt. The bus slowly pulled up beside us, hissing to a stop.

“Damn Ginger. You’ve really out-nerded yourself.”

“Can it, Edd.
-
The school bus ride was somewhat uneventful, Edd picking on Matt for being a nerd while I gazed out the window, watching the world go by.
My gut stirred again once we got to school, knowing I had to go back to my history class, and after the meltdown I had the other day, I knew I would be seen as a freak.

I took slow steps towards the door with the rest of the students, my palms growing sweaty and hot. I felt dizzy, and I really hoped deep down I wasn't about to barf.

I sat down in my seat in the farthest corner again, keeping my head low.
Then…there he was.

Mark stepped in, this time with two other dudes next to him.
They gave popular vibes, not head of the school kind of popular, but the type that would shove a kid in a locker for fun.

Mark and another kid spoke with each other, laughing and chatting while we all waited for the teacher.

Then there was the third kid.

He looked more like the little brother they had to drag along. He was a big, chubby guy, his hair a light brown, and his eyes were small, beady. He stood next to them quietly, listening to them talk.

I was surprised that a kid like him would be friends with a dude like Mark. I didn’t want to be caught staring, or doing anything for that matter, not after my breakdown, so I looked down at my notebook on my desk.
Mr. Franswa walked into the class, cueing Mark and his buddy to stop talking and sit down properly. The third kid, walking in my direction, was sitting in the chair next to mine.

“Alright, class!” He began, “I know the first week was slow, but now we're getting into business…”

By this point, both the whole class and I tuned him out, none of us wanted to be there.

I zoned out, my iPod stuffed into my pocket and quietly playing music through my headphones. I started staring out the window, watching the world go by.

It was September 15, just a few more weeks till October. As much as I liked to hide away and rot away in my bedroom, I liked the autumn season. The smell of wet leaves, the cool breeze, the feeling of waking up on Halloween and smelling it in the air.

It was nice and I couldn’t wait.

“Hey.”

I was snapped from my thoughts by a soft, hushed voice. I turned, and it was the kid sitting next to me, the one with beady eyes.

“Hey, sorry, but do you have a pencil I could have?” He asked.

He had a very prominent cockney accent; you could hear it in every word he said. Not to mention his voice was squeaky.

I paused before nodding, grabbing one from my bag.

He took it, giving me a sweet smile. “Fanks.”

I laughed a little, “You’re welcome.”

I turned back to the window, planning and zoning out a bit longer, but the kid tapped me on the shoulder. I turned back.

“You’re that kid who lives next to Starboy, right?”

Damn it.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I am.”

“What’s your name?”

I went to speak but choked on my words. Did he just ask me my name? He doesn’t want any Starboy information? He doesn’t want to gabber about it?

He asked me MY name.

“It’s…It’s Tom.”

He smiled, sticking his hand out. “I’m Jon.”

I hesitated before shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you, Jon.”

He pulled his hand back, turning back to his paper and writing in his notebook.

I went back to looking out the window, a bit lighter on my feet. It felt good to be known by my actual name.

I wiped my hand on my pants.

His hands were really sweaty.
-
School went on per usual, till it was lunch. I sat with Edd and Matt, eating whatever the school had given us that day.

“Do either of you know someone named Jon?”

Edd took a sip of his milk carton. “Jonnathan? Big guy with beady eyes?”

I nodded and hoped to any god that would listen that this Jon kid wasn’t a Starboy repeat.

Matt poked in, “Don’t talk to that kid, he’s one of Eduardo’s friends.”

“Yeah, and Eduardo’s a jackass. Don’t get tangled up with him, Mark, or Jon.” Edd added on, stabbing his food with his fork.

I sighed with relief. “How bad is Eduardo?”

Edd groaned, shoving food into his mouth. "Nom Nom! Nom num nom!" is all I heard him say.

Matt explained, “He’s a jerk. He bullies everyone and he thinks he’s the shit when he’s really just a wuss who’s cocky.”

I ate the tasteless food on my plate. “Good to know.”

Edd finished his mouthful speech and wiped his mouth, “Stay as far away from him, as far as possible.”

I kept that in mind.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. More schoolwork, remembering where classes were, making sure to avoid Eduardo and his posse like the plague.

It was calm.

Edd, Matt and I stepped off the bus, ready to just get home. My chucks scraped across the asphalt, kicking up a little dirt with each step. I looked over to the house beside mine, seeing that same guy from that morning working in the garage.

Paul was working on his rusty red pickup, half his body hidden beneath the truck.

I gave him a sideways glance and walked inside. I let out a loud sigh, my body relaxing once I was back home. I made my way upstairs, getting ready to sit on my ass and do nothing for the rest of the day.
I swung open my door, tossing my bag on the floor.

That’s when I heard it.

It was louder than it was outside because I was closer now.

A guitar. Coming from the window. Starboy’s window.

A rhythmic strumming was coming from his bedroom window. It was good. Really, really good.

I made my way to the window, opening it with all the strength my doughy teenage arms could muster. I stuck my head out, listening to the gritty guitar playing out loud.

I listened for a while. I’m not sure how long. Maybe an hour. Two hours? Ten? A whole day?

“Hey!” I shouted out of impulse. And I immediately regretted it.
The guitar stopped, making my heart drop all the way to my ass. I thought I had fucked up big time.

The makeshift curtain tapestry moved again, and the faint smell of cigarette smoke wafted in my direction, making my throat itch.

Starboy appeared from behind the fabric, a loose, half-smoked cig hung from his lip.

My heart shot up from my ass to my throat, nearly choking me.
“Oh. Hey, Tom.” Starboy smiled, the smoke of the cigarette dancing in front of his nose.

I ran my hands through my hair. What was I meant to say? I didn’t think this far.

“Hey…Starboy.” I fumbled out, the words practically dying before reaching the end of my tongue.

His downturned eyes stared at me, a warm smile on his face. He looked nice. He was wearing a grey shirt with bleach stains on it; the stains were shaped like stars. His shaggy hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, his bangs falling in his face.

My brain finally told me to do something, say something.

“I-I didn’t know you smoked…”

Really? That was all I got?

Starboy let out a light laugh, pulling the cigarette from his lips. “I don’t very often… I usually just steal a few of Paul’s, he barely notices.”

My ears perked up at the name. Paul.

“Paul’s the guy who stopped by my house this morning.”

Starboy snuffed out the cig, “Yeah, He would have said hello sooner, but he’s been busy with work. Patryk would have too, but he’s out of town right now.”

I leaned farther out of the window, my arms pinned beneath me and holding me up.

“Oh.”

I really did have nothing.

“COME ON!” My heart screamed at me. “ASK HIM ABOUT THE MUSIC, DUMBASS!”

I swallowed, trying to moisten up my throat. “I-I heard someone playing guitar. Was that you?”

The grey-eyed boy nodded, pushing his bangs out of his face. “Yeah, it was. Did you like it?” He asked with a charming laugh.

I nodded, “Yeah. That’s pretty cool…”

Something in my heart fluttered, something warm. Words snaked up my throat before my brain could say stop.

“I actually play bass guitar…” I added.

Starboy’s eyes lit up, his smile growing. His goofy buck teeth stuck out over his lip.

“That's awesome!” He exclaimed, “Here! I’ll show you my guitar!”

Before I could say anything, Starboy ducked back into his room, the curtain falling closed for a moment before being pulled back open by Starboy.

He held up a bright red guitar, a proud smile across his face.

“I call her Flare.”

The guitar was gorgeous. A Cherry red Gibson Dot guitar, it was in good condition too. Flare was the perfect name for her.

Something in my heart spun like wild, something pushing my worrisome thoughts away and making me…confident.

“Here, I’ll show you my bass,” I told him, pointing to my room.

I ducked inside, my heart fluttering and feeling warm. I was excited, which never happened. I grabbed Susan from the case she was sitting in, she was a black Fender Squier, simple and not the most expensive bass there was but she was still beautiful.

I had souped her up, gave her a checkerboard pickguard and shoulder strap, and added a few stickers. She was mine, and she always made me feel better.

I used to spend nights just sitting on my bed and practising. I loved her.
She reminded me of my dad.

I placed the strap around my neck, then walked to the window. I held it out, a smile on my face.

“I present…Susanna. Susan for short.”

Starboy clapped and wooed, like I had presented something extraordinary. He laughed, but it wasn’t mean. He was laughing with such a sweet tone, it made my head spin. It’s like he really cares about what I was showing off.

“She’s gorgeous!” Starboy exclaimed, “I like her stickers.”

I felt a flutter in my chest, “Uh…thank you…” I placed Susan down on my floor, then turned back to the window.

Starboy just listened and watched, his droopy eyes just following me as I moved.

“Come on,” my heart begged, “Talk to him! You know you want to. C’mon!”

It was a new feeling, something I wasn't used to. My brain was screaming at me to hide and run away, but my heart stopped it. It was heating calmly, a slow and steady rhythm. I was always panicked, my palms sweaty and my brain and heart spinning at a thousand miles per hour. But it was quiet. It was calm.

I opened my mouth to speak but I was cut off by another voice.

“Starboy! Time to go!”

I froze.

“Ugh. Sorry. I have to…” Starboy trailed off for a moment, but started up again, “I’m going to stay at a friend’s house for a few days.”

Something tugged at my heart; I didn’t even know something like that could happen.

“W-When will you be back?” I blurted out.

Starboy stared at me with a shocked expression, and I could just feel my face turning red.

He smiled at me, then gave a soft laugh. “I’ll be back in like…two days?”

I smiled, my mouth seeming to move faster than my brain. “Do you wanna talk more when you get back?”

Starboy went wide-eyed again, then smiled. “Yeah, I don’t see why not. If you run into me, we can chat.”

I nodded, the biggest dorkiest smile plastered on my face, “Cool! Uh…see you later.”

Starboy waved, “See you later, Tom!” He ducked back into his room and closed the window.

My heart kept fluttering, and I had no clue why. I ducked back into my room, closing the window before lying down on my bed. I lay on my back, my face hot, and that dorky smile still plastered on. I could still smell the faint scent of cigarettes in the air.

I thought it was great. This kid seemed so cool. He was cool. He played an instrument and liked music just like me. I could have a cool friend. I’d have Edd, Matt and Starboy.

Starboy as my friend.

Starboy.

Every time my mind went over that name, my heart would beat just a little faster. I wanted him to be my friend.

I really wanted Starboy to be my friend.

Almost a little too much.

Chapter Text

The next few days slipped by like nothing.

I did the usual things, heading to school, spending the day with my mum till whenever she went to work. I called Edd and Matt a few times, talking for a bit before returning to my computer.

I started to get hooked on playing online games. I would spend hours on the computer, playing Myst and Doom.

I would occasionally glance at the window. Just waiting. Listening. I wanted to talk to him more.

By Saturday, I started to think that Starboy was a drifter. He was already as mysterious as he was, it wouldn’t surprise me if he wasn’t even from the town.

I was sitting at my computer as I heard the house phone ringing from downstairs. I shut off the computer and shuffled down the steps, picking up the ringing phone.

“Hello?”

“Tom!”

I smiled, it was Edd and he seemed excited.

“What’s up, Edd?”

“Me and Matt are at my house and we wanted to know if you wanted to come over and hang out!”

My smile grew bigger.

“Yeah, man. I would love to.”

“Nice! Me and Matt will bike over! Do you gotta bike?”

My smile faltered a bit. I got rid of my old bike a while ago.

“Uhh…No.”

“Oh. Uhhhhhh…”

“It’s okay! I-I can just walk.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah…just don’t worry about it.”

“Alright man, we’ll be over in like…5 minutes or so.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“Gotcha. See you soon.”

The phone clicked and the soft hum of the dial tone buzzed in my ear.

I huffed and ran back upstairs. I started getting dressed, a simple grey t-shirt with some black sweatpants. I pulled my blue hoodie over my head, making sure not to mess up my hair. I started brushing my hair in the mirror, trying with all my might to straighten out the curls and waves on my head.

I headed back downstairs and tied up my Chucks, tightening them. I wasn’t about to trip on the curb again.

I opened the door to the crisp outside air, the smell of leaves wafting past me. It was getting closer to October, just two or so weeks away.

I walked to the end of my driveway, waiting to see Edd and Matt turning the corner. I just stood there, twiddling my thumbs while I waited, occasionally glancing at the window across from my bedroom.

It took me a bit to notice that there was a new car in Starboy’s driveway.
It wasn’t the red pickup from before, it was a small blue car. It was a lot nicer than the pickup but nothing too fancy.

Then my head snapped to the sound of a garage door opening. I mostly expected to see Paul, but it wasn’t. It was a new guy, he was much taller and leaner. He had longer hair with a swooshed middle part. He had a few rubbish bags in his hand and was taking them to the bin.

I watched him walk past, he looked like a zombie, his eyes drooping as he walked half asleep. As he made it to his bin, he saw me. He glanced over and I saw his eyes widen a bit, a smile forming on his face.

He tossed the bags and dusted his hands off before making his way towards me. Was this the other guy that Matt was talking about? What did Starboy say his name was? Peter? Paxson? Shit, what was it?!

“Hey there, neighbour!” the man said, giving me a simple wave. “Paul said he met you already. You’re…”

I thought, “Great. He can’t remember my name so it's not awkward when I don’t know his! This is perfect-”

“You’re Thomas, right? Tom for short?”

MOTHERFUCKER!

I felt my palms sweating. “Uhh…yeah…” I swallowed my pride. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

The man smiled, “It’s Patryk. With a Y”

I raised my eyebrow but told myself to not say anything. “Nice to meet you, Patryk.”

“Nice to finally meet you too.”

I nodded and took in Patryk’s appearance. He had warm tan skin, a strong nose and dark brown hair, his eyes a matching colour. He wore a mustard yellow bomber jacket with some brown pants. He had an accent too, and his voice was deeper than Paul’s. It wasn’t the same accent either, something a lot more subtle.

“What are you doing out here? Waiting for the mail?” He joked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

I glanced over to the turn just before my neighbourhood, still no sight of Edd. “I’m just waiting for my friends.”

Patryk smiled, “That’s nice, you guys planning on doing anything fun?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t really know, I think they wanted to bike around but I don’t have a bike.”

Patryk nodded and smiled again, “Bike rides are always fun. If you want, you could borrow one of our bikes.” He gestured to his garage.

My eyes widened, “Oh! No, you don’t have to do that, I'm good.”
Patryk gave a light laugh, “No, you’re okay. I don’t think Starboy would mind if you borrowed his.”

I paused and glanced into the garage. Sat in the corner was a bright red bike, a pair of playing cards tucked into the spokes.

“...a-are you sure?” I asked.

Patryk nodded, walking towards the garage, “As long as you don’t crash it, it should be fine.”

He walked the bike over, giving me a smile as he wheeled it over to me.
I stared at it hesitantly, then glanced back at Patryk. “Uhh…thank you.”

Patryk just smiled again, giving me a wave as he turned back to the garage. “No problem, Tom. Just park it near the garage door once you get back.”

I stood there awkwardly, the bike propped on its kickstand in front of me.

Man, these neighbours were weird, I thought.

“Tom! Hey!”

I turned and saw Edd and Matt turning the corner, waving their arms and laughing.

I hopped onto the red bike and started pedalling towards them.

“Hey! I thought you said you didn’t have a bike!” Matt shouted.

“I don’t,” I replied, still a little confused from the interaction I just had. “It’s Starboy’s bike.”

Edd and Matt screeched to a halt. “What!?”

“Yeah…that other guy that you were talking about, Matt. His name is Patryk…with a y.”

Matt and Edd raised their eyebrows.

“Oddly specific…” Matt commented.

“He said I could use Starboy’s bike. Just as long as I was careful.”

Edd made a “ptf” sound before bursting out into laughs, “Really?! Dude…I can’t with Starboy and his goobers. They’re too trusting…”

I just shrugged, starting to pedal. “I don’t know…I just think it’s nice.”

Matt chimed in, “Weird is more like it.”

I shrugged again.

This whole Starboy thing was starting to become a norm.

Edd stood up and peddled, moving fast across the asphalt, Matt followed behind.

I struggled to keep up.

I wasn’t the fastest, strongest, or most athletic kid there was. Matt was fit and was clearly athletic. Edd was at least strong.

I was this slow flabby piece of dough. It felt stupid trying to catch up, but I still forced my body to pedal.

“Hey Edd!” I practically gasped out, “Where are we going?”

“My place! We were gonna play some video games!”

I groaned, my face feeling hot from pedalling. “Alright!”

Matt and Edd kept a steady pace while I struggled to keep up. My face felt hot and my legs started to hurt. I kept forcing my legs to move, the more I did, the more they started to feel like jelly.

“Come on! Keep up, Tom!” Edd called out with a laugh.

I gave a weak smile back, even though my chest felt tight and my sides started to hurt.

We finally made it to Edd’s house, another Cape Cod, one of the many in the neighbourhood. I pretty much just fell off the bike, my body weak and shaky, my face hot and red.

Edd saw me turn into a puddle of mush on the ground, he walked over and gave me a pat on the back. “You good, dude?”

I gave him a wobbly thumbs up, trying my best not to pass out. I stood up and followed them to the door, Matt also giving me a soft pat on the back.
We stepped inside, the artificial autumn scent of the house whacking me in the face.

“Mum! I brought my friends over!” Edd called out to the open air.

I sat down on the floor and started to take my shoes off. I was focused on my shoelaces when I noticed someone was standing next to me. I could see their feet. They were wearing purple socks with pink stripes on them.

I looked up and saw a girl. She was older-looking, most likely a 12th year or a graduate. She had brown hair and blue eyes, the kind that stare into your soul. Her brow furrowed as she stared at me. We locked eyes, not saying a word while she gave me a weird look.

“Uh…hello?” I spoke quietly.

The girl’s lip curled up as her weird look turned into a dirty one. She glanced at Edd, who was more focused on looking for his mum, sticking his head into the kitchen to see if she was there.

She spoke, “Edd, why do you keep bringing your weird friends over?”

Edd snapped his head towards the girl, glaring back at her. “Shut it, Vani! Leave my friends alone, you’ll give them your weird girl cooties…”

Vani, apparently, glanced back at me. I was still staring up at her, one shoe on and one shoe off.

“Why are you taking your shoes off?” She asked, a little harsher than she needed to.

I looked away and then looked back, not really sure why she was asking. “Because I could track dirt in and it’s what my mum taught me to do?Because it’s manners?”

Vani’s rude expression faded quickly, turning to a smile. She glanced at Edd, now sticking his head out the back door to the garden.

“I like this friend, he’s a gentleman…unlike you…”

Edd made an ugly face at Vani then called for his mum again. I took off my other shoe and stood up from the floor, dusting myself off.

Vani smirked at me, “So,” She started, “Where do you live?”

I glanced at her, I could tell from her facial expression that she already knew where I lived.

I lived next to Starboy.

I groaned but before I could answer, Vani cut me off.

“You live next to STARBOY’S HOUSE! Dontcha?”

I groaned again, then heard fast footsteps from upstairs. I glanced up at the upstairs landing and saw another kid, his eyes were wide and his mouth was agape.

He was probably about 15 or so, his brown hair buzzed short, wearing a black hoodie on top of a graphic tee over top of a white long-sleeved shirt.

Layering your clothes was a key part of fashion back then. Still is.

He basically threw himself down the stairs, tripping over his own feet, his knees barely able to bend from his skinny jeans.

He stumbled to a stop at the last, staring down at me, his brown eyes wide.

I flinched as he shouted, “YOU LIVE NEXT TO STARBOY!?”
I nodded slowly.

“OH MY GOSH! WHAT’S HE LIKE! IS THAT HIS REAL NAME? IS HE WEIRD? WHAT DOES HE SOUND LIKE? DOES HE WEAR DRESSES AND EARRINGS AND STUFF?”

I was bombarded with questions, barely able to get a word out before being asked another question.

“SO- SO LIKE WHAT DOES- AGH!”

His words were finally cut off by a dishrag hitting his face.

Edd glared at him, a second dishrag in his hand. “Ugh! Buzz off, James! He’s my friend, leave him alone.”

James and Vani stuck their tongues out at Edd, Edd shooing them away like flies as he grabbed my arm. “C’mon, we’re heading upstairs.”

I sighed and nodded, glad to get a moment of peace. Edd, Matt and I made our way upstairs, my face still warm from the bike ride.

My eyes followed the photos along the stairwell, baby photos of Vani, James, and Edd lined the walls, a graduation photo, and family trips. They were pretty much the perfect nuclear family.

We walked down a hall and opened the door at the end of it.

Edd raised his arms and smiled, “Welcome to my sanctuary…”

Edd’s room was covered with photos, drawings, movie and band posters, all complete with a UK flag hanging on his wall and Christmas lights hanging about. He had a twin-sized bed tucked in the corner with green plaid sheets, a cluttered desk with a clunky PC and monitor sat across from it. A huge CRT TV sat on his dresser, decorated with stickers, with a PS2 sitting beside it.

It looked very…Edd-centric.

Ha.

“Alright, we got GTA 3, Silent Hill 2, and Tony Hawks Pro Skating.” Edd explained with a huge grin, “And I got a bunch of horror movies to watch.”
Edd seemed to be really excited to have me over, he zipped around his room, showing me anything and everything he could, a huge dorky smile spreading across his face.

I just gave Edd a nice smile, though his things were cool, I felt an odd sensation in my head and chest. It felt like the buzzy feeling from the field. Shit.

Why was it back? I hated this feeling, and still do.

“Tom? Are you good?”

I blinked, Edd and Matt looking at me with confusion.

“Oh shit, sorry…I kinda zoned out there…didn’t I?” I muttered awkwardly.

Edd rubbed the back of his head, “Uhhh…sorry if I bored you…”

I immediately snapped into defence mode. “No! No, no, it wasn't you…I’m just…”

The two stared at me as I tried to explain.

“I-I’m just…” I was at a loss for words.

What was wrong with me?

I was just…messed up…?

…damaged?

Broken?

“I’m just…” I wiggled my fingers in front of my face. “Different.”

Matt raised an eyebrow at me. “Like…Weird?”

Edd chimed in, “So what? Everybody's weird.”

My heart twisted a little. I hated the whole…zoning out thing. It hasn’t gone away since I left Crawly. But Edd and Matt…they made it go away a bit.

It was awful for a while but having Edd defend my quirk made me smile.
Edd turned back to me, “Anyways, what do you wanna do?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Uh…I’ll just do whatever you guys wanna do.”

Matt snorted, “We’re asking cuz we do the same thing every time we hang out, and we wanna see if you wanna do something.”

“Oh.”

Edd gestured to his game and movie collection, “Go right ahead.”

I leaned down and looked at the movies and games, mostly movies. Edd seemed to be more of a nerd than I had realised, sci-fi movies filled the shelf. My eyes landed on one movie that seemed interesting.

Labyrinth.

I pulled out the box and lifted it for Edd to see. “What about this one?”
Edd raised an eyebrow, “Huh. I think that’s one of my sister’s movies, but sure.”

Matt grabbed the box and placed it on top of the PS2. “Put that there for later.”

Edd jerked his head towards the door, “My mum said she was making pasta for dinner…you can join us if you want to, Tom.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, “Are you sure?”

Edd waved his hand, “My mum’s super cool with having friends over for dinner. You can use our phone if you need to.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile. “Let’s see if my mum even answers.”

The three of us headed downstairs, James spotting me as we turned the corner. He was sitting at the coffee table in the living room. He bolted up and rushed towards me, making me flinch as he stopped right in front of me.

“Uh…Hi.”

His eyes were wide with excitement. “Hi. So. uh. you live next to Starboy, right?”

I groaned and Edd appeared, grabbing his brother's head, giving him a slight shove before groaning, “Yes, he does. And this has been stated before, Jay. And no, he hasn’t seen Starboy.”

I looked up at Edd, who gave me a quick glance and a smile before turning and walking to the kitchen. He spoke as he walked, “The phone is to the left of you.”

I grabbed the phone and dialled my mum’s phone.

Ring.

Ring.

Click.

“Hello?”

I smiled as I heard my mum’s voice, she did sound confused though.

“Hey, mum.”

“Tom? Is that you?”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I'm calling from a friend's house.”

“Oh. Well, that’s nice. What’s up, honey?”

“I’m over at Edd’s and he said I could join them for dinner.”

“Well, I don’t see why not, honey. You go ahead.”

“Thanks, mum,”

“Just be back before the street lights come on.”

“Okay, mum.”

Edd poked his head out from the kitchen, “Hey Tom! My mum said you can stay the night if you’d like.”

I glanced over to Edd, “Wait, are you sure?”

“Yeah dude, my mum’s chill.”

I put the phone back to my ear, “Edd’s mum said it was okay if I stayed the night.”

There was a bit of a pause over the phone, I could hear my mum breathing, it was a bit shaky.

“Are you…” She started but quickly paused, another quick moment of silence went through the phone before she spoke again, “..would you like to stay the night?”

I smiled, messing with the telephone cord, “Yeah…I would.”

“...Okay honey. Just…be careful. I love you.”

“Love you too, mum.”

“Bye, Tommee bear.”

“Bye.”

Click.

Hum.

I placed the phone on the receiver and turned back to Edd, who was standing in the kitchen doorway with Matt standing beside him. I smiled and gave an awkward thumbs-up. “My mum said I could stay the night.”

Edd lifted both arms up and gave a huge smile, “YAY!”

Matt smiled and jerked his head towards the kitchen, “Alright, I’m hungry and Miss Claire has dinner done.”

We all sat at the dining room table, everyone getting their plates and getting situated. I sat down between Edd and Matt, looking down at the pasta, garlic bread, and asparagus on my plate.

I had never eaten at someone else's house before. I didn’t have many friends to do that with.

So I just did what I did at home, I instinctively clasped my hands together, getting ready to say grace.

But nobody held hands, closed their eyes, or even tilted their heads down. Everyone just started talking and eating their food.

“Watcha doin'?” Edd asked, pointing to my hands.

I stuttered, “I-I was going to say grace?”

Matt chimed in, “Oh, Edd’s family doesn’t do that.”

I awkwardly put my hands on my lap, “Yeah, I noticed.”

Edd nudged me, a soft smile on his face. “You can say grace if you’d like to, we don’t judge.”

I fiddled with my thumbs, “You sure?”

Edd reassured me with a brighter smile, “Go ahead.”

Edd and Matt turned back to their plates, leaving me with my hands in my lap. I closed my eyes, lifted my hands and clasped them together. I spoke softly, giving the simple grace my mum had always said for years, “Thank you for our food, thank you for our family, thank you for our blessing.”

I looked back at Edd and Matt, then Edd’s family. They were unfazed, none of them giving me a stare. I smiled and started eating.

Vani and James bickered back and forth, Edd’s mum asking Edd about school and Matt chatting to me about movies. It felt good to hang out with friends. I’m glad I had friends like Edd and Matt back then.

After we finished eating and washing our plates, Edd, Matt and I walked back towards my house so I could grab my overnight bag.

I walked Starboy’s bike beside me, Edd and Matt chit-chatting about the movie we were going to watch, then shifting to the topic of Halloween.

“Hey Tom, have you ever been to a Halloween party?” Matt asked.

I shrugged, “No, nothing besides school events.”

Edd and Matt smiled, “Well, this girl named Cady always throws parties!” Edd exclaimed.

“For, like, any event,” Matt added.

“And her Halloween parties are pretty much the best.” Edd explained, “Do you wanna go with us?”

I thought for a moment. Edd and Matt were pretty cool, and I had never been to an actual party.

“Sure.”

Edd pumped his fist in the air, “Sweet!”

“Who are you going to go as ?” Matt asked

My eyes widened. Damn. I hadn’t even thought of a costume yet.

“Uhhh…not sure.” I explained, “I’m still thinking of one.”

“I’m going as Ghostface!” Matt exclaimed with pride.

“Ugh, of course you’re going as Ghostface.” Edd groaned.

“Hey! You like Scream.”

“Yeah, Scream, not Scream 2, and definitely not Scream 3. They didn’t need a trilogy.”

“Whatever.”

“Besides, everyone and their mum has dressed up as either Ghostface or Sidney Prescott.”

“Oh yeah, 'cus dressing up as Spiderman is SUUUPPPERRRR original.”

I snorted at the two bickering, seeing my house just up ahead. I also saw Paul’s truck running in the driveway, Paul and Patryk… with a Y, standing outside smoking.

“You guys head to the door, I'm going to drop off Starboy’s bike real quick,” I muttered, half distracted by looking at Paul and Patryk.

Edd gave me a thumbs up as he went back to bickering with Matt.

I veered off from the two walking towards Paul and Patryk.

I could hear a quick blurb of their conversation.

“Wait, Paul? Have you gotten a call yet?”

“ugh…Nope...”

“Would he call the house phone or your mobile?”

“Usually mobile.”

Patryk caught sight of me, pausing his conversation with Paul, Paul turning to look and seeing me.

“Oh, Hey Tom…” Paul started before pausing, all three of us hearing a buzz coming from his pocket. “Shit, let me take this.” He raised a finger, flipping his phone open and putting it to his ear, turning away from me and Patryk.

“You all done with the bike?” Patryk asked, taking a drag from a cigarette. His nose shrivelled as he inhaled, quickly exhaling in the opposite direction from me.

I nodded, “Yeah, thank you for letting me use it.”

Patryk smiled, tapping his finger to knock the ash off his cig. “No problem.”

I kicked the kickstand up, looking back at Patryk.

I didn’t know if it would be prying, so I grew quieter as I asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, when is Starboy going to be home?”

Patryk was mid-smoke as I asked, His eyes widening as he pulled the fag from his lips and exhaled. “Oh? He…He told you he was leaving?”

“He said he was going to be gone for a few days, to a friend's house.”

Patryk nodded with an “Ah” sound, understanding my words. He pulled a small bottle cap out of his pocket, pressing the cig into the metal, putting it out. “Yeah…his friend’s. We were waiting for him to call us to come pick him up.”

I watched Patryk’s actions, nodding in understanding. “I see.”

Pat glanced up at me, his hands still rubbing the cigarette and the bottle cap together, “You want me to tell him you came by?”

I glanced up at him, a little embarrassed but I nodded. “Yeah…I-If you don’t mind.”

Patryk smiled. “Not at all, it’s nice to see he has a new friend. Better than him rotting from boredom in his room.”

I smiled and stepped back from the bike, “Cool. I gotta get going now, I have friends waiting.”

Pat gave me a nod and a wave, Paul calling his attention with a whistle.
“Thanks again for the bike,” I called out.

Pat didn’t reply that time, his focus was back on Paul and they talked again while making their way to the red pickup.

I walked around the fence, seeing Edd and Matt sitting on my front porch, still bickering. I snorted as I walked closer, laughing with them as we walked inside.

-

We made it back to Edd’s house just before the street lights came on, the three of us talking about different movies and books we like. We sat on Edd’s floor, eating crisps and drinking Mountain Dew.

I grabbed some sleep pants and a baggy T-shirt from my bag, getting ready to change.

I started to get that weird brain static again. God, not again. It was subtle, I almost didn’t notice it. But when I did, it was like an itch I just couldn’t scratch.

“Do you…Mind if I change?” I spoke quietly, glancing back at Edd and Matt on the floor, eating crisps and chatting.

Edd glanced at me and gave me a small but noticeably odd look. “Dude, go ahead, you don’t gotta ask me.” He chuckled, quickly going back to talk to Matt.

My grip tightened on my shirt, setting it down on a dresser. I grabbed the hem of my hoodie, a buzzing feeling travelling up my back. My stomach twisted as I lifted my shirt, my eyes glancing back at Edd and Matt, the two not paying any attention to me.

I swallowed hard, my hands starting to shake. I pulled my shirt and hoodie over my head, dropping them to the floor. My skin crawled as I looked down. Was it really bad? It felt like it. I was doughy. Pudgy. My skin was bloated and fatty. I pinched my stomach. I looked huge.

Or at least in my mind it was.

I grabbed my sleep shirt, gripping the fabric. Something about the shirt…it looked too small… like it would barely fit me. I was usually a large size. I knew that shirt would fit. I knew it wouldn’t. It couldn’t.

I gripped the fabric and stretched it, stretching the fibres as far as they could go. Maybe it would fit.

Maybe.

I pulled the shirt over my head. I need to hide my fat. It was gross.

Gross. Like a pig.

I pulled off my jeans, ignored the past trauma they’ve endured and pulled my sweatpants over them.

I sat back down with Edd and Matt, the two of them still chatting.
Matt turned to me, adding me to the conversation, “Wait, Tom. What’s your favourite movie?”

“Uhhh….shit,” I paused, hesitating from being put on the spot. “Carrie.”
Edd laughed, catching me off guard. “See, Tom has good taste. Unlike you, Matt.”

Matt stuck his tongue out at Edd, inciting a laugh from both Edd and me.

I let my nerdy interest get the best of me.

“I actually like the book better than the movie. In the book, Carrie was fat, not in the movie though. In the book, she had acne and was fat, “...A frog among swans…” The whole point was her being unattractive and bigger. That’s why they used pig's blood. She was fat. Like a pig and-"

I looked back up at Edd and Matt.

They were both staring, Matt’s brow furrowed and Edd's face unreadable.
I pulled my hands to my lap, I had been talking with my hands the whole time and never knew. I could feel my face growing red.

“Sorry,” I muttered out, grabbing a few crisps and popping them into my mouth, almost as a means to silence myself.

Matt chuckled, “No, we just…”

Matt looked to Edd, almost as if he was looking for assistance?

Edd snorted and smiled, “You’re a dork.”

Matt grabbed a crisp and threw it at Edd, his brow furrowed.

Edd laughed, “Hey! Not in a bad way! He likes horror novels more than the movies, that’s fine.”

I fiddled with my fingers, my face still red.

Edd looked back at me, “I meant no harm. I just didn’t know you were like… a cool nerd.

I smiled, my red face starting to fade away.

Matt grabbed the Lybrith from the shelf again. “Alright, are we going to watch this or what? It’s already 11:20.”

Edd chuckled, “Ptf- 11:20 is nothing! Put it in the PS2.”

Matt put the disc in while saying, “You better not fall asleep first.”

Edd chuckled again, “Yeah right.”

Chapter Text

Edd fell asleep first.

Maybe drinking 5 sugary colas before bed had something to do with the sudden energy crash?

Matt was dozing off just as the movie was starting, his eyes drooping the moment we turned it on.

I was the only one paying attention to the movie.

I had never seen it before.

I watched the Labyrinth and listened to the songs. The man who played the Goblin King sounds great.

I watched him closely. My gaze held on the screen till my eyes started to sting from not blinking.

His voice was growly at times but could switch to a nice sounding singing voice.

His eyes were two different colors.

Just like Starboy’s.

One brown and one blue.

Something about him. The Goblin king. It felt stupid, but my stomach felt weird when he was on screen. Fluttery. He looked cool. Charming. Pretty.
It was weird. I didn’t know how to explain how he made me feel. Just…those eyes…and his voice.

My eyes started to grow heavy near the end of the movie, a few yawns starting to slip past me. I rested my head on the pillow, curled up on the floor, with Matt asleep beside me. Edd was practically snoring while Matt breathed quietly. My eyes slowly closed, my dreams mixing with the movie I was watching, making up fantasies as I drifted asleep.

-

I could see a mix of colors shining through my eyelids. Pinks, blues, and purples spilled past the thin layer of skin covering my dark voids.

I looked around.

I wasn’t in Edd’s room anymore.

I was in mine.

Same sheets. Same walls. My computer. My Susanna sat in the corner.
I sat up from my bed, my vision…odd.

Like someone rubbed Vaseline over the lens of a camera. Shimmery and cloudy.

Ethereal…in a way.

The same could be said about the world outside my window. My neighborhood, my back garden, Starboy’s house, they were all gone. Instead, it was replaced by a swirling, glistening visual. Something similar to space, if space was more pastel colored.

I laid back down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
The silence was interrupted by a soft laugh, followed by my bed shaking as someone plopped down on it.

The sound caught me off guard, but I was quickly grounded by the faint smell of cigarettes clouding my mind.

I looked to my side. Two droopy eyes stared back at me.
My heart skipped a beat.

Starboy sat beside me, smiling down at me as I lay. His eyes were half-lidded, and a cheery smile played on his lips. He giggled, his buck teeth peeking out from behind his thin lips.

“Are you going to get up, sleepyhead?” He laughed, a soft and lovely sound that echoed in my room.

I jolted up, opening my mouth but no sound leaving it. He stared at me patiently, just like he did at the window the first time we spoke. His eyes were admiring and soft, filled with love.

I couldn’t speak, so I reached out. My hand brushing his cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

He smiled even wider now, his eyes scrunching up small as he did.
He slowly leaned in closer, his eyes growing an even softer gaze on me, his smile faded and instead, his lips were parted slightly.

He moved closer to me, planting his hand on my shoulder and gently pushing me down to the mattress. I had no clue what had come over me but I didn’t refuse, moving down with his gentle push.

He slowly crawled on top of me, mounting his knees on both sides of my hips. He grabbed my hands, his thin fingers intertwining with my soft, squishy ones. He pinned my hands above my head, making my stomach full of butterflies do a huge flip.

He brought his face close to mine, our noses almost touching.
I could feel his breath on my lips.

His hair draped down, making a tent around my head.

He laughed softly and smiled, his gappy buck teeth stuck out past his lip, making him look sweeter than he usually did.

My body twitched and trembled, growing hot under his gaze.

What the hell was this?

Why did this feel good?

I felt warm and dizzy, my body reacting in ways that I hadn’t felt before, ways that no one besides myself had made me feel.

My legs twitched, his breathing was shaky and my face was growing hot and sweaty.

Starboy loosened his grip, slowly running his hands down my arms, leaving a hot trail in their wake.

I swallowed hard. My mouth was cotton dry.

This felt…so good.

But it was bad.

Something itched in my brain.

Something telling me… this wasn’t right.

But it felt so good.

My body felt…so good.

My mind clouded with sensation and a fuzzy feeling. One that made my knees shake, my heart pound, made noises spill from my lips involuntarily.
It felt like silk around my body, smooth and soft, wrapping around my appendages.

Appendage.

I was in heaven.

It didn’t look how it was usually described, but it felt like it.
No gold city. No precious stone or pearly gates.

But there was joy. No sorrow. No pain. Just Joy.

My body trembled with it.

My heart pounded in my chest as I felt the warm sensation of hands on my bare skin, my body tensing quickly.

I squeezed my eyes shut, not daring to look at him. I knew what he was doing. But I didn’t want to confirm it. My brain was just being gross. Stupid horny teenage hormones. It was gross.

This is just my brain getting confused.

Starboy has long hair…and he’s thinner…more feminine.

That has to be it.

Has to be.

-

“Tom?” Edd’s voice rang in my ear, “You awake, dude?”

My heavy eyes pried open, the light of the early morning spilling in through the bedroom window.

I lifted my heavy head from the pillow on the floor.

Matt was sitting up watching cartoons on Edd’s TV.

Edd was sitting on his bed, shovelling cereal into his mouth from a green bowl.

“Ugh….what time is it?” I groaned, my back feeling sorer than usual.

“Om nom nom noom num om nom.” Edd mumbled out.

“About 9:45.” Matt translated.

I sat up, my blanket draped over my lap, my mind still cloudy with sleep. I groaned and rubbed my head, feeling my hair stuck up every which way. I cursed myself for not wearing my bonnet again.

“Hey Edd?” Matt asked, drowsy sounding, “Can you go get me a granola bar, please?”

Edd scooped the last bit of his cereal into his mouth, giving Matt a nod. He walked towards the door, “Tom, do you want anything?”

I shook my head, struggling to fix my fucked up head of hair. “I’m good for now.”

He nodded and made his way down the hall.

I stretched, my bones sore. Once my body was cracked enough to where I would practically glow, I wrapped my blanket around my shoulder and scooted up towards Matt, sitting beside him, watching TV.

“How long have you guys been awake?” I asked, my voice sounding gargled.

Matt turned to me and snickered a bit, “Only like 20 minutes, we’ve just been watching cartoons.”

I nodded, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

I heard more snorts and snickers from Matt, sounding somewhat muffled. I glanced over to him, my eyes still pretty heavy from just waking up. He was covering his mouth, his eyes scrunched up as he stifled his laughter.

“What are you laughing about?” I asked, my voice sleepy.

Matt cleared his throat, still fighting giggles as he spoke, “You’ve got a morning wood…like really bad…”

My face flashed bright red as I looked down. Sure enough, I did.

I turned away from Matt, fixing myself in shame. I didn’t have the courage to face him again, my face still red and my hands now shaking.

God, I was fucking disgusting.

“Sorry…” I muttered with repulsion lacing every word.

Matt laughed and gave me a single pat on the shoulder, “Don’t worry, it happens to all of us.”

I nodded, though I shivered with disgust.

Something about that dream.

It was so fucking gross. So wrong.

I had to get that fixed.

Could I even fix something like that?

“Thanks…”

Matt smiled, his eyes still heavy with sleep. “No problem.”

Edd walked back in with two granola bars and a juice box. “Watcha two talkin’ about?”

Matt glanced at Edd and smiled, “Just watching cartoons.”

I sighed with relief, I was glad he didn’t tell Edd.

Edd plopped down next to us, handing one of the bars to Matt and watching TV with us.

I smiled, looking between Edd and Matt.

I was glad to have friends like them.

-

I left that afternoon, heading back to my house, still wearing my pyjamas.
I still felt gross about that dream. And the visible…”evidence” of the dream messing with me being seen by Matt.

I just wanted to get home. I felt like I needed a shower.

I was happy to see my mom’s car in the driveway, an old dinged up blue sedan with old worn bumper stickers my dad had slapped on years ago.
I walked through the front door, sitting on the foot of the stairs and untying my shoes.

“Tom? Is that you?” I heard my mom’s voice call from around the corner.
I smiled as I heard her. It was nice to hear her voice.

“Yeah, it's me.”

I walked to the kitchen, seeing my mum at the kitchen island, paperwork sprawled about.

Her brown and silver wavy hair was pulled into two mini Afro puffs.
Easier to put under a scrub, she always said.

“Hey honey, how was the sleepover?”

I smiled. I was happy to see my mom. It felt like I never saw her because of work.

“It was…good.” I answered, a smile slipping across my face on its own.
It was good.

It was…really fun, actually.

“It was really good.”

My mom’s crows' feet scrunched up even more as she smiled. “That’s nice, sweetheart. What did you and Edd do?”

I walked over to the kitchen island and stood there with my mum, watching her flip through papers. “Oh, we watched movies. Matt was there too, so we all just hung out. Edd’s mum, Miss Claire, made really good pasta.”

My mum let out a soft snort. “Better than mine?”

I smirked, “I mean…you might have competition, Mum.”

We both let out laughs.

She grabbed a pen from the holder on the counter, clicking it as she asked, “So, what movies did you and your friends watch?”

I smiled, “Yeah, we found some movie called Labyrinth. I thought it was pretty good.”

My mum’s eye glanced up at me, her bill paying pausing at the name. “Labyrinth? That movie came out when you were born.”

I snorted, “Oops, did I accidentally remind you that you’re old?”

My mum did a dramatic gasp, “Thomas David Rodman!” She grabbed some junk mail and whacked my hand with it.

“Agh! Mum! I’m joking, promise!” I laughed.

“You’re lucky I love you, baby.” She grumbled as she set down the junk mail, “Otherwise, I would have popped you in the mouth.”

I snorted again, my mom wasn’t mean, but she was a strong woman who meant business. She rarely yelled and was genuinely a good mom. She taught me well. I was sixteen, but she made sure I knew never to cuss, at least not around her.

Yeah…getting a mouthful of Vogue Magazine after saying “damn” taught me that lesson real quick.

“It was a good movie. I liked that guy who played the Goblin King.”

“David Bowie? Yeah, he’s a good singer.”

The name made me tilt my head. “Singer?”

“Oh yeah, he’s a lovely singer.”

My eyes widened. “Were you a fan?”

My mum nodded, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Oh yeah, your dad and I listened to him a lot when we were younger."

My heart clenched as my mum brought up Dad.

It’s still…hard…

It’s hard to think about it.

What he last looked like.

I swallowed hard, forcing my body not to have another freakout.

“I think we still have some old records in the stored boxes.” My mum explained, she smiled softly as she wrote on the papers in front of her.
She was probably thinking about Dad.

“Could I go get them?” I asked.

My mum glanced up, his brow furrowing. “Uh…I think they're with Dad’s things…”

“Oh.” My stomach grew tight. I hated touching my dad’s things.

My mum set down her pencil. “I can grab them for you after I’m done with the bills and when I get back from the shop.”

“That would be nice… thanks, Mum.”

“No problem, honey.”

-

My mum went grocery shopping, leaving me home to fart around and do nothing. I found myself back at my computer, playing custom Doom mods and indulging in web surfing.

I had managed to get AIM pulled up on my computer, but I wasn’t super keen on using it. My mum said I was allowed to get it but she wasn’t paying for any extra things and I didn’t have a pound to my name.

I hadn’t set up an account, so I decided it was time to do so.

“Screen name…?” I mumbled to myself. “T0m5ka…”

I typed in a password and joined, seeing my buddy list as “empty”.

It was about time I developed a social status.

“Email: “[email protected]…” I spoke out loud as I typed, trying to remember Matt and Edd’s emails. “Add.”

“Email: [email protected]…” I rolled my eyes at his email, “Add."

And just like that, EV1LDED and JustCluelessXP were added to my Buddies List.

Now all I had to do was figure out how that chatroom thing worked…

Tink!

I flinched at the sound of glass being tapped. I glanced over to my window, seeing nothing.

Till I saw a small ball shaped thing hit my window.

Tink!

I pushed myself up from the chair and walked to the window, glancing through the smudged glass.

A familiar face stared back at me.

My eyes widened and a smile appeared on my face. I pushed the window up and open, sticking my head out into the cool outside air.

Starboy stared at me through the open window, his gaze and demeanour soft as always.

“Hey there, Tom!” He called out, his front teeth sticking out past his lip as he grinned.

“Hey…” I replied, leaning on my elbows in the windowsill.

It was nice seeing Starboy, seeing him smile. However, seeing him made me remember the dream.

I got a shiver when I recalled the dream. It had to be some sort of flux. Like a nightmare that was actually something stupid, like drowning in pudding or something.

It wasn’t actually anything, I just thought he was cool. And he had been on my mind more often because he made me curious.

He stared back at me, popping what looked like cherries into his mouth, a small bowl cradled in his arm on the window sill.

“What have you been up to?” He asked, spitting out a cherry seed before popping a fresh cherry in his mouth.

I smiled, “Nothing too exciting but I did have a sleepoverat Edd’s last night.”

Starboy spat out another seed, his eyes squinting as his brow furrowed.
He must have been thinking, because he popped another cherry into his mouth and asked, “Guild, right? Tall dude with messy hair. The one from your bus stop.”

I nodded, one of my brows raised. “Yeah…do you know him?”

Starboy shook his head, spitting a seed and eating another cherry. “Not personally. But I know his mom works as a waitress at Full Moon Diner in town.”

I recoiled a bit. Oddly specific.

“Uhhh… I’m not sure… I haven’t known Edd for very long.” I explained, fidgeting with my hoodie sleeve.

“Hm” is all he replied.

“How… How do you know that about Edd?” I asked, a bit nervous about how much he really knew about someone he didn’t know "personally".

Edd and Matt had mentioned that he knows too much about people who are basically strangers to him.

“Well, I’ve spoken to Miss Claire. I stop by the Full Moon Diner for strawberry smoothies every Saturday.” Starboy explained.

When he spoke, he almost never gave small responses. Always wanting to know more about who he was talking to. And if he was talking, he sounded more educated, which always struck me as weird. He was seemingly homeschooled but always excelled at topics that no one would normally care about.

“Smoothies are half off on Saturday. I’ve spoken to her a few times during the evening shift just before she got off work.” He continued, his gaze drifting to the tree growing between our houses. An old scraggly oak tree, nothing too big but certainly big enough to hold someone.

A good climbing tree. The limbs grew up and outward, but a few larger branches stuck out closer to me and Starboy’s window.

I blinked. “I’m more of a vanilla fan.”

Starboy’s gaze drifted back to me, his eyes widened as he smiled. He let out a light laugh. “Like the more basic things, huh?”

My ears grew a bit warm as I smiled back, “I don’t like chocolate or strawberry, it's too sweet.”

Starboy smiled, eating another cherry and raising his bowl like you would a glass. “I like fruit. Even though the strawberry has a more artificial flavour, it’s still good.”

We both gave a light laugh, Starboy pulling his bowl back into his room.
I had so many questions to ask but it was like my brain was turning soft and leaking out of my ears. My brain seemed to never be working right when I talked to anybody.

“Hey, Tom? Would you wanna hang out over here?” He gestured inside of his window.

My eyes widened, my brain short-circuiting again. Damn…two friend hangouts back to back.

My new personal record.

“Uhh… Are you sure?”

Starboy nodded, his front teeth sticking out as he smiled. “Yeah, I’ve been wanting to hang out with you but I was gone for the past few days, not to mention you have school.”

I thought for a moment, I was still pretty tired from the sleepover but I wasn’t about to pass up a hangoutwith this guy. I needed to know more about him.

“Sure.” I agreed, “I just gotta get dressed first.”

Starboy smiled even wider somehow, clapping his hands together with joy. “Great, just come over and knock on the door, I’ve got a few things to do too.”

We exchanged waves and Starboy ducked behind his curtain, leaving me to get ready.

I rummaged through my dresser, finding some grey cargo shorts and then finding my scuffed up checkerboard Vans. The poor things, I’m surprised the toe hadn’t ripped off at that point.

I got lazy and didn’t change out of my grey pyjama shirt, just throwing my blue hoodie over top.

I made my way down the stairs, hearing each step creak under my weight. I stepped out onto my front porch, feeling the fall air already wafting around.

It was finally September 30.

It was October’s eve.

I walked to the other side of the fence, hearing the grass under my feet as I walked across Starboy’s lawn. I felt a knot tightening in my gut, my mouth growing dry. It felt so weird actually… like going to Starboy’s house. We’ve only spoken to each other a few times and it was always through the upstairs windows.

I stepped onto the porch, seeing the beat up doormat and a large pair of work boots sitting next to it. I reached out with a shaky hand and hesitantly knocked on the door. It was quiet for a few moments, hearing two voices from behind the door, then the sound of footsteps grew louder.

I fiddled with my thumbs till I heard the doorknob turn.

The door opened to a sluggish-looking Paul standing in the doorway. He was wearing a grey tank top with dark stains all over it, same went for his jeans.

“What’s up, Tom?” Paul asked, his voice sounding groggy.

I fiddle with my fingers. “Uh…Starboy said I could come over…and hang out?”

Paul’s oversized eyebrows raised a little, then he gave a small smile and jerked his head to point me inside. “Come in.” He stepped out of the way and gestured for me to come inside.

I nodded and kicked off my shoes, placing them by the door. The inside was… cosy. It was what I miss about the early 2000s, my childhood years. The living room had a lived-in look to it. The walls had tacky floral wallpaper with a beige carpet to complement it, topped off with an ugly oval carpet in the middle of the floor.

The 34-inch CRT TV was set up on what looked like an old fish tank stand, a Nintendo 64, one that looked well played with, sat next to the bulky screen.

Patryk, with a Y, was sitting on the iconic ugly brown couch that every person had in their house back then. He was watching TV, glancing over at me and Paul. He took a double take, his eyes widening as he saw me the second time.

“Oh! Uh… Hey…Tom?” Patryk exclaimed, his eyes going back and forth from me and Paul. “Whatcha doin’ here?”

I cleared my throat, not wanting to sound too much like a wimp. “Well… Starboy invited me over. He said he wanted to hang out….”

Pat’s eyes were wide as he glanced at Paul, Paul having the same baffled look on his face. They looked like they were trying to speak telepathically, Patryk searching for answers when Paul had none to give.

“Well…” Paul started, not sounding very sure of what he was gonna say next. He glanced down at me, observing me in a way.

“Sorry…” Patryk explained, rubbing the back of his neck. “Starboy doesn’t have too many…guests over. He’s very….to himself. You know?”

I nodded. As someone who doesn’t communicate with people very well, I understood how much of a shock it can be for others when you actually interact with people for once.

Paul pointed his thumb towards the upstairs. “He’s upstairs in his room, just knock on his door.”

“Red door at the end of the hall.” Patryk added.

I nodded again, slipping past Paul as I made my way up the hardwood stairs. I could hear them start to talk to each other, but they were doing it in different languages. One sounded something like English, the other sounded like complete gibberish to me.

They sounded somewhat…concerned, while being excited at the same time.

I made it to the top of the steps, glancing around. There was a small hallway, the door at the end was covered in stars.

Had to be his room.

I made my way down the hall, noting the pictures pinned on the floral wallpaper. They were mostly family photos, photos of what looked like a younger Paul and Patryk.
From what I could gather with context clues, they weren’t related, but they were close. In one large photo, Patryk and Paul were quite small, around 7-8 years old, next to what were obviously their parents. A few baby photos of the two, always together.

One thing struck me as off though…

There were no baby photos of Starboy.

It felt so…uncomfortable being in that house. It felt like I didn’t belong, It was unfamiliar to me.

I made it to Starboy’s door, hesitantly knocking on the door. I heard rustling from behind the door, a voice being heard from behind the wood, “YOU CAN COME IN!”

I hesitated again. I was starting to overthink this. My legs felt heavy and my gut tightened a bit. This was entirely new territory for me. I didn’t hang out with very many people before this, Edd and Matt were my first and only friends at this point and I was still learning what it was like to have actual real friends. Not people who hung out with you for a dare. Not people who hung out with you because they felt pity for you. Not someone doing it because the teacher or parent forced them to.

Really…real friends.

My stomach churned and tightened, and my palms started to sweat.

I took a deep breath.

And under my breath, I told myself.

“I can do this…”

My wrist twisted the doorknob and shoved the door open.