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Buck paced back and forth around his kitchen. No matter how many steps he took and how many turns he made on the ball of his foot, he couldn’t calm down.
Which was just… a crazy thought.
He wasn’t the one who got hurt today. He wasn’t the one who got kidnapped and nearly killed.
But still… even thought he knew that Maddie was safe now, that she would be fine, that her baby would be fine… he still wasn’t able to relax.
“Evan,” Tommy’s voice called out to him softly from where the man was standing on the other side of his kitchen island.
Buck stopped his pacing and turned his head to look at Tommy, who took the opportunity to walk around the island over to him.
When he got within arms reach of Buck, Tommy slowly lifted his arms and placed them on Buck’s shoulders, giving him a comfortable and supportive squeeze.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Tommy asked.
Buck’s face screwed up in confusion. He blinked his eyes. “What… What do you mean?”
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Tommy had never experienced a panic attack before. Neither going through one himself or helping another person through one.
Sure, he had been through various training sessions over the years telling him about what he should do to help someone - it came with the job description and everything - but to do it in real life?
He was completely out of his element.
Everything leading up to it started that morning.
Tommy had been gone for the last week or so, joining his Captain and two other pilots from their station to head out to Colorado for a special firefighter pilot training course to get some more specialized training in wildfire fighting. It was right before they were getting on their flight back to Los Angeles that Buck had called him, mid freak out, saying that Maddie had gone missing and no one had any idea where she might be.
Tommy felt awful hearing Buck’s voice through the phone speaker, on the verge of panicking. Figured, he couldn’t help everyone when they were searching for Chimney last year, and now he couldn’t help them look for Maddie.
“What do you know?” Tommy had asked.
Buck took a couple deep breaths in an attempt to call himself, even though it wasn’t all that successful. “Nothing right now,” Buck said. “Chimney’s talking with the police, and Hen and Karen are watching Jee. Me and Eddie are gonna start driving around, seeing if we spot any sign of her.”
Tommy ran his hands through his hair, trying to quell his panic. Him getting worked up out here would do nothing to help Buck and the others find Maddie in California.
“Keep me updated,” Tommy asked. “I’ll be back in LA by two. If you don’t find her by then I’ll help.”
“Yeah,” Buck said, still breathing heavily. “ Thanks, I’ll see you soon then.”
That was over fifteen hours ago now.
Chimney had ended up finding Maddie, being held hostage in the house of the detective in charge of her case, and was now with her in the hospital.
Buck and Tommy, along with the rest of the 118, went to visit her, just long enough to determine that she would make it through. And it seemed that, miraculously, even after taking a knife to the throat, both her and the baby were expected to make a full recovery and have no further complications.
Despite the 118’s (and associates) pensions for getting into hairy situations, it seemed everyone was always able to pull through with minimal lasting harm - something Tommy didn’t think he would ever understand.
After making sure Maddie would be fine, and everyone agreeing it would be best to leave to give her and Chimney some rest, Tommy took Buck by the shoulder and steered him towards the parking lot, intent on making sure Buck made it home now.
From the second they walked into the loft, Tommy could feel that something was off. But at first he couldn’t say what.
Buck was running around his kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, it looked as if he was looking for something. Then after apparently not finding whatever it was he was looking for, Buck closed the cabinet doors and drawers and just started pacing back and forth, wearing a path into the laminate flooring of the loft.
Tommy had to stop him before Buck did… whatever happened after this.
“Evan,” Tommy said his name, his voice soft, just above a whisper, but still loud enough to make Buck stop in his tracks. Then Tommy slowly walked around the island to the side of the kitchen Buck had been pacing around, and gently took hold of Buck’s shoulders. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Tommy asked.
Buck blinked, caught off guard by the question. And Tommy could see the thoughts bouncing around in his boyfriend’s head. Slowly speeding up into what was probably too fast for him to keep track of. Then Buck’s breathing sped up quickly again.
Oh, Tommy thought. The fast breathing, pale skin, eyes bouncing everywhere around the room, hunching his shoulders to make himself look smaller.
Buck was having a panic attack.
Well… shit.
What was it that all of the training said to do when you realize someone was having a panic attack?
If someone had asked Tommy that question three days ago, he would probably be able to spit out the textbook answer without thinking about it. Now though, his mind was drawing a complete blank.
Tommy racked his brain trying to remember. What was there? Stay calm? Okay, good. Move the person to a quiet place? Yeah, it was pretty quiet in here to begin with.
“How about we go take a seat on the couch?” Tommy asked, motioning with a twitch of his shoulder to the living room area.
“Yeah,” Buck said, giving a jerky nod.
As Tommy walked over with Buck, he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and pushed it into Buck’s hands as they took a seat.
“Evan,” Tommy said his name again, drawing Buck’s attention back to him. “Can you tell me what’s wrong now?”
Buck was quiet for a long moment, long enough that Tommy thought he might not have processed the question. But his breath rate was slowly starting to slow down to a regular pace.
“Maddie,” was all that Buck said, his hands twisting around the top of the water bottle, but not opening it.
“Maddie?” Tommy repeated, confused. Maddie was safe now, in the hospital still, probably would be for a couple more days, but she was safe now. “What about Maddie?”
That was apparently the wrong question to ask, for Buck returned to having that same look he had back in the kitchen. “She- she- Maddie is…”
Tommy placed his hands on top of Buck’s giving them a small squeeze and making Buck’s attention move back to Tommy’s face. “Maddie is safe now,” Tommy said. “She’s with Chimney, at the hospital.”
Then, completely surprising Tommy, Buck leant forward, nearly falling into Tommy’s chest as he took his hands out of Tommy’s hold to wrap his arms around Tommy’s torso, squeezing the man in a hug.
Tommy just went with it for now, figuring Buck knew what he needed, Tommy wrapped his own arms around Buck and just held him, every so often rubbing a hand down Buck’s back.
Tommy wasn’t exactly sure what happened. One minute he could feel Buck’s body still buzzing ever so slightly against him, and the next… Tommy craned his head to look down at Buck’s face, fast asleep, letting out just the smallest of snores.