Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The mercenaries' job didn't always consist of shooting and throwing projectiles. There were times when they only needed to hold a position until Mann's lawyers did their job and appropriated those lands by some more or less legal trick. Once it was documented that that piece of barren land was his, their job was done and started planning the conquest by violent means of another useless lot. Blessed be those times of peace! They could rest from weeks of extenuating battle, recover from their wounds and do something pleasant which didn't require killing. The process could last for months, and it felt like paid vacations.

Everyone had their own pastimes. Scout's was baseball.

"And, with number 1, the star of the Red Sox! The magnificent, the devilishly handsome, the one and only Jeremy Willis!"

With his throat, he imitated the clamor of a crowd.

"Willis takes position," He kept on narrating with a commentator's voice, "in front of him, Johnny Assface, the undefeated pitcher of the NY Yankees. Thousands have tried, but no one's been able to hit his curveballs. Will Willis break the curse?" And replied in his own voice: "I can and I will!" Then, he yelled with a high-pitched, girly voice: "Oh, he's such a hunk! We love him!", and replied to himself in his real voice: "And I love you all, ladies!"

Scout grabbed his bat and faced no one.

"Willis and Assface look at each other into the eyes. Assface's intimidating, but Willis won't back down. Assface takes deep breath and, here it goes, his famous curveball! It's like a cannonball! But Willis bats, and—oh, crap!"

It seemed he had gotten a little too enthusiastic. The bat escaped from his hands and flew straight into that window over there, which led to the infirmary. After the glass breaking, he heard a racket coming from the inside, then Medic's yell.

"SCOUT!"

He tried to hide, pretend he was taking a nap in a corner, but Medic found him and painfully grabbed him by the ear.

"You ruined my latest experiment!" It seemed that the experiment consisted of a brain with teeth, which had escaped from its container and was now trying to eat his creator's brains. Ignoring the pain of it, Medic glared at Scout.

"Ouch, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Are you a two year-old?! Can't you play with your balls and bat somewhere where you can't bother others?! Come on, go away!"

"But—!"

"I said get out of here!" Medic roared, throwing the bat at his head, then going back to his laboratory, still with the brain monster gnawing at his head.

Scout stopped trying to apologize and picked his bat up from the ground.

"Alright! I'll leave! Gee!"

He was angry now. He covered his head with the hood of his sweatshirt with an aggressive gesture and wanted to hit something to let off some steam, but in that stupid place there was nothing, only God forsaken roads and power lines and tumbleweeds, so he swung his bat at invisible people in his way.

"Stupid kraut…A two-year old…He bothers everyone with his talking heads and his baboon uteruses but no one complains, 'cause he's the medic, sure…'Cause he's an old coot and I'm the youngest…And I'm not that young! Sniper's only a few years older than I am! Frankenbitch…AM I BOTHERING YOU HERE, TOO?! Don't worry, you ain't seeing me for the rest of the day! Or the week! Or the month!"

He walked. And walked. And walked. Even though he didn't have a direction, he supposed he could go to the nearest town and have some drinks and maybe do as he threatened and stay in a hostel for a night and see how they liked that. But soon he remembered that he had forgotten his wallet at the base and, without his driver license, no barman would believe he was an adult and serve him alcohol—it had happened to him before. Shit. If he couldn't drink alcohol, he would drink soda till his stomach exploded. And he would eat a nice bucket of chicken. Oh, but his money was in his wallet. Double shit. His frustration increased.

"When I break the skull of the guy who's trying to kill you, you're not complaining about the bat…! Pyro can set the couch on fire, Demo can test his explosives everywhere he wants, Soldier can fill the whole place with heads and blood and shit but I, of course, I can't, 'cause I'm the youngest…! Go to hell, all of you!"

He still made his way to town, just to distract himself and forget about the team for a while.

"It's not fair…!"

He swung his bat again, picturing he was bursting someone's rib cage, enemy and ally. It was cold outside and that helped him feel warm.

That way, he didn't realize that someone was observing and following him.

"No wonder he lives for those birds: they're the only ones who can stand him!"

That someone rubbed his hands and chuckled.

"Frigging…Deutsch-bag! Pfft, heheheh, that was a good one. Man, now I wish there was someone around to hear it…"

He stopped. Wait. There was someone indeed. He could now feel a presence behind him.

Okay, act cool.

"…Okay, I forgive—"

But it wasn't Medic, who was chasing him to tell him he was sorry, as he thought. Instead, he found an ominous shadow, an intimidating apparition.

Merasmus!

"Gah!" Scout gasped.

"I got you, mortal!" Merasmus triumphally declared and extended a hand towards him.

Scout tried to reach for his bat but found that he was completely frozen. He was incapable of moving an inch, as much as he tried. Merasmus approached him, chuckling. He seemed to get bigger with each step he took.

"Where are you going all alone?" The wizard mockingly asked him.

"Let me go, Merasmus! Urgh! I'm warning you: today I'm in a real bad mood!" Scout threatened him, struggling to move a finger.

"Where are your friends?" Merasmus kept on asking him like an adult addressing a small child.

"I need no one to kick your ass!" Though, truth be told, Scout was very, very scared and hoped that someone had really come to bring him back…

"One just tries to live in peace, escape from the chase of the Japanese mafia, steal some souls to summon an ancient circus god, and his immortal, moronic roommate and his equally moronic team beat him! Well, Merasmus is tired of it, and now that he's got you in his claws, you will be the first…!"

Oh-oh, he seemed to be talking seriously. Scout didn't stop struggling, even if he saw no results. If only he could run away!

"Six years of humiliation call for a humiliating death…I was eager to get my hands on you, little one. Hitting Merasmus' head with balls, breaking his knee caps and running away, like a cowardly rabbit."

The wizard stared at him, then an unsettling grin grew into his wrinkled face.

"Rabbit…"

Scout saw how his eyes glowed with a light he didn't like a little bit. He would have given everything at all to be able to move. He couldn't even feel his legs but he never stopped trying. He was so nervous he even contradicted himself and started pleading for help.

"Yes…Yes, that's it…It won't be a pleasant way of dying…"

"What the hell are you saying, dude?" Scout gasped. "MEDIIIIIIIIC!"

Merasmus showed him.

The young mercenary heard him mutter something in a language which didn't sound like any language he had heard before. The wizard started glowing with an intense green light. Scout finally felt back to his body and fell to the ground. Now that he was able to move, he tried to run. He tried but could only take one step. He stopped and embraced himself, feeling a crippling cramp.

The heat came along with it, first in his cheeks, then his ears, the fingers and finally his whole body; faintly at first, suffocating after a few seconds. Instead of running, all he could do now that he had control over his own body again was obeying the impulse of getting rid of his clothes. The sweatshirt, the tank top underneath, the pants, the sports shoes, the two pairs of thick socks he was wearing and even the briefs. He didn't even stop for a second to consider that he was giving that decrepit bastard a striptease. It was simply unbearable. Not even without his clothes and with that freezing cold was he able to get rid of that heat. It was as if his bones were melting from inside. It was driving him mad. It made him whine and had him on the verge of tears.

With the stomach ache and the heat, he didn't even notice that his body was itching. It was when he glanced at his arm that he let out a horrified scream. He had been waiting for hair to come out for years but not as much, and not so dense.

That was fur.

Merasmus laughed maniacally. Had he anticipated this, he would have made popcorn to sit and watch how the obnoxious man-child writhed, how his ears elongated, just like his body, which not only changed its proportions, but also became smaller; how a set of longer, paler, sensitive whiskers appeared around his mouth; how his spine arched, forcing him on fours and prolonged, creating a tail.

Scout lied on the ground curled up against himself. As suddenly as the horrible sensation came, it left, leaving him terribly dizzy. When he tried to stumble back up, after escaping the mess of clothes he was trapped in, he found he wasn't able to.

He looked up and found that Meramus did look like a giant now, bigger than he ever was, and shrunk in fear.

"Well, you are one less problem for Merasmus. Off I go!"

And, opening his arms, he was involved by a halo of green light and vanished.

Silence. Scout looked around with increasing nervousness. It had gotten dark, and in that place there were no lampposts. However, he didn't need more light than the moon's to see and feel his now furry self.

He had to face the facts: he was a rabbit. Merasmus had transformed him into a damned rabbit.

Shit.

Back in the base, the team had dinner, each one at the time they fancied, and spent the time before going to bed each of them in the way they pleased, not noticing that he was missing.

Chapter Text

«Oh, God. Oh, man. Oh, God. Oh, man. Oh, God. Oh, man.»

Scout had been inspecting every inch of his body for quite a while. There was only one conclusion he could come to: if he had long ears, whiskers, fur and a tail, that had to be because he was really a rabbit. Face it already: you are a rabbit. Merasmus had really turned him into a rabbit. Okay. Now that the problem seemed perfectly clear, it was time to think of a solution…But he was a freaking rabbit!

«Okay, okay, okay, calm down…It's Merasmus we're talking about. Defeating him a trillion times every Halloween's become boring at this point. It'll be okay…»

He ran back to the base. He would tell the guys. The nerds would know what to do. Yeah, no worries..., he hoped…

«Well, if they can't with the power of science, we can always grab our pieces and bring me back to normal with the power of beating the old wizard's ass. Oh, how I wish I had him here now! He'd learn what's good!»

Night had fallen on his way to town. Barely anyone used those old roads by morning, so there was no reason to waste money and time installing lampposts. However, he found that he could see where he was going just fine. Even though he had feared his sight had worsened, because didn't see very clearly, it turned out he moved better in the dark as a rabbit. That was something.

«I'm a rabbit…», he said to himself for the millionth time. It was then when he realized of the implications of that, why Merasmus had turned him into a rabbit.

Yeah, more or less seeing in the dark is cool, but you know what usually happens to rabbits, don't you?

Food. They are every predator's food.

Merasmus, you twisted coot…

«No worries…I'll get back to the base quick. I'll be nothing's dinner…»

There was nothing around there which could kill him anyways. He wasn't going to be as stupid as to get on the road, where he could be ran over. His weird vision, with his eyes now on both sides of his head, allowing him to cover a lot more field, allowed him to see that he was alone. And his smell…It was strange how his nose was starting to detect scents he had completely ignored minutes before as a human. But couldn't still grasp what they meant, so it was completely useless.

He started practicing what he would say to his teammates. Hey, guys, uhm, I'm a rabbit now. A wizard did it. He opened his mouth and tried to talk. All he could do was squeak. Nothing understandable. Fine, scratch that. Maybe he could get his paws on a Speak & Spell or—

He suddenly stopped. He stood on his hind legs and rose his ears. What was that?

Nah, that was probably his imagination. There was not a soul in there. Perhaps one of those tumbleweeds…

He was about to keep on walking when he heard it again, this time closer. So much closer that he barely had the time to get out of the way.

Scout jumped just in time to avoid a set of fangs biting him in half. He saw a thin, scary monster with yellow eyes fixed on him and bare teeth. A wolf? A coyote? It could be a sabretooth tiger for all he cared. Whatever that thing was, Scout ran away from it. He heard it chasing him, grunting. And it was probably very hungry, because it didn't matter how he run, it didn't stop and felt him too close to his tail on two occasions. He had to recur to extreme measures to survive. He reduced his speed, allowing the canine to pounce on him, and when it did, he jumped on its back, and the predator, unable to stop on time, crushed against a big rock on the ground. It had to be a fine blow, because it stumbled back on his feet and didn't seem to tell the heads and tails of things. Scout wasn't going to stay there to see if he had caused it some brain damage.

He ran his fastest until he was sure that it wasn't following him anymore, but he didn't relax and kept on walking feeling very tense.

«That was close! Jesus!»

What else could be in there? Snakes? He had seen roadkill snakes from the car…Hawks…«Sniper told me. There are tons in here. And roadrunners. He told me the cartoons were a lie and they eat snakes, and mice, and rabbits and shit, not seed. Even the friggin' Road Runner is out to kill me now!».

That was close, but next time—he wholeheartedly hoped there wouldn't be a next time—he wouldn't let any of them get that close. It was that stupid body of his. He was having a hard time controlling it. But he thought he was starting to get the drill. He was designed to run on fours, after all. He just needed to let the instincts take control and stop thinking like a human.

«But I'm a human!»

With more control came peace of mind. He could do this. Wasn't his job getting through a gang of bigger fellows, armed with more lethal weapons than claws and fangs? And he was alive, wasn't he? Thanks to his wit and speed. He still had those. He wasn't afraid of a bunch of animals! «Hah! Joke's on you, Merasmus!»

Distances were larger in his new, smaller form, but, thankfully, he wasn't too far from the base when Merasmus caught him, and he moved quickly. He finally spotted the painted canvas which was the secret entrance to the base, though it wasn't easy for him, with his new, poorer vision making the poor disguise actually convincing. He slid through one side and kept running towards the entrance.

He stopped before reaching the bridge. He hadn't thought of the sentries until that moment. They wouldn't shoot at him, would they? They would still detect him as Scout…, right? It took him a long time to convince himself that he had to try. He hated those things…

Approaching the building, he passed by them with extreme caution, ready to run like a lightning at the smallest sign. But the turrets kept on swinging from side to side in search of some real intruder. That was a great relief for Scout. It was still him, and the machines knew…If they knew, their creator would. So he hopped his way to the door and found himself in front of the door.

Then came the disappointment: he couldn't reach the doorknob. As much as he stretched and cursed, he couldn't. He tried until he gave up and looked for another way in. But all the alternatives were shut. Sure. They were not going to leave them open for anyone to come in. He should have guessed.

In that case, all he needed to do was wait. They would open up in the morning. He didn't like the idea of spending the night outside, but it would still be better to be there, near his companions, than in the desert, at the mercy of all the predators.

He found a place among some ammunition crates, small but shielded from the cold wind. There, he curled up against himself and closed his eyes. The fur kept him warm, but his bed sheet and coats were better.

It took him long to fall asleep. What a big mess he was in. Stupid Merasmus. He really got creative, huh? He hoped he would turn the others into animals too for next Halloween, so he wouldn't feel embarrassed about being the only one going through that. He asked himself what his teammates would get turned into. Medic would be a pig, of course. And Spy, another pig. Yeah, pigs, all of them. Hah, he had to draw that, once he got his hands back…Because he would get them back very soon, he knew it. «Tomorrow». And with that, he fell asleep.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw that there was a lot more clarity. It would soon be morning. What a dream he had had that night! He dreamed about Merasmus turning him into a rabbit and…Oh, it wasn't a dream…

He stretched until he heard the bone of his back crack and walked out of his hideout. Normally, the first sun rays of the day hurt him on his way to battle the morning wood on the bathroom, then had a good breakfast, ran for a while around the base to keep himself fit, had a shower…But that day, it would be different. Thanks to some certain, stupid wiz.

At that time, his teammates were getting up too and getting breakfast. The garage door would soon open. Scout knew the routine of the smokers: those days when they were not in a rush, they walked out around eight and a half to smoke the second cigarette of the day—they smoked the first before or during breakfast—and talk about sports, recent events, weapons and women. That group was formed by Soldier, Demo, Sniper and Spy. Not that it was an exclusive group. Anyone could join, as long as they didn't mind getting their lungs filled with smoke. Medic never did; Pyro lurked very often, attracted by the lighters, and, when there were none, it was the others who asked her to come and give them light; Engineer sometimes kept them company and had no trouble accepting a cigarette from time to time; and Heavy rarely dropped by because he normally had more important things to do. As for Scout, he didn't smoke but liked gossiping, but the guys didn't let him stay.

«Wait. Today, it'll be different, surely. They must have known I haven't come to sleep and are looking for me in Teufort.»

But there was a metallic sound and four figures emerged from the inside, took their cigars and cigarettes and started smoking. As usual.

"Like tires, mate." Demoman chuckled, illustrating what he was talking about by opening his hands in front of his chest.

He considered for a moment which gestures he was going to use to attract his attention and convince him that it was him.

"I haven't seen Scout anywhere," Demoman said, and Scout stopped and listened.

"It seemed to me like it was very quiet in here." Spy snickered before taking a drag. And the other three chuckled.

"He had a fight with Medic, for what I heard him say to Engie last night." Demoman continued.

"Yeah, he didn't sleep with us tonight. He must have spent the night outside. A tantrum." Soldier said, expelling the smoke from his cigar through his nose.

"Yeah." The others agreed.

And they kept on talking about the breasts of the Spin the Wheel hostess.

That was all they had to say about the matter?

«Ah. I know. The old 'pretend I don't care' trick. Sure they'd be on Medic's side. Wonder what he told them.»

Anyway, he would tell them everything about it and they would get really worried. He approached. He had decided he would do a backflip, or a handstand, something no regular rabbit could even think of doing.

Sniper fixed his eyes on him and smiled internally. Eye contact!

"I'm bored." He told his partners. "If this keeps going for much longer, I'm gonna go mad. I need movement. I'm going hunting today."

He placed his cigarette between his lips, walked to a corner and grabbed an old shotgun.

"Have you ever eaten hare?"

And aimed it at Scout.

Chapter Text

Scout saw Sniper walk away, but kept on approaching, determined to get his attention back, and the rest of the gang's, too. However, him getting a gun with his eyes still fixed on him gave him a very bad feeling. He wanted to believe that it was just a reflex movement, that he was going to clean it, or was fidgeting and needed to have something in his hands, anything except…

But yes. He was going to use it. On him.

"That rabbit's too small and thin, the nine of us won't get a single bite from it." Soldier observed.

"It's not a rabbit, it's a hare." Sniper clarified.

"The difference being?" Demoman asked.

"Look at the tip of its ears. Hares—"

"They both got long ears. Period. Shoot it already." Soldier put an end to the discussion before Sniper started to point at the differences at length.

Fair enough. Sniper prepared and shot.

But the hare did something unexpected. It jumped out of the bullet's way.

Sniper frowned.

«WHOA! Sniper, what the flying hell!»

Sniper expected the hunt to be spoiled after that missed shot, but it seemed this hare either had his self-preservation instincts broken or was stupid, because it kept on walking to his encounter. Well, he wasn't going to miss the chance. He recharged and prepared to shoot again.

«Sniper! It's me! Don't shoot!»

Yeah, that animal probably had some kind of brain damage, because it had stopped to nervously shake its front paws, looking at him wide-eyed. For a second, he wondered if it had some disease which would make it inedible. Well, he was so used to hunt and eat whatever he found that he was sure his stomach was disease-proof.

He shot once again, and once again the hare guessed what he was going to do and moved out of the way.

"Heh! Did you see that?" Demoman watched with amusement. Spy and Soldier snickered as well, but Sniper wasn't amused at all. The ashes from his cigarette fell on his shirt and he didn't mind about it: all he had eyes for was that little creature which was starting to rub him the wrong way…

Scout saw that Sniper was not the guy to approach. There was just one thing he had to do: run, run for his life! And he did it on zig-zag, in order to avoid the next bullets flying into his direction.

"That's fucking Bugs Bunny!" Soldier admired the furry contestant.

"You little cunt…!" Sniper muttered under his breath. He would have kept on shooting if it wasn't for the gun getting unloaded.

The hare hid under Engineer's van, and kept on watching very, very cautiously. Did it expect more bullets? Or something else?

"Wasting bullets on a two-kilogram little animal. Very professional indeed." Spy said, throwing away the remaining butt of his cigarette and walking back inside.

Soldier put out his cigar against the wall while snickering, and followed shortly.

"Yeah, mate, let it go. That little wily thing deserves to live." Demoman said to Sniper, patting his back.

Sniper replied nothing but, from the look on his face, one could tell he disagreed and was definitely not going to forget this. For a man who boasted about killing everyone and everything he met, losing to a rodent had to feel very humiliating. He glared into the hare's direction and muttered something Scout could easily read on his lips: "I'm gonna get you, sooner or later. Damn sure I will. And I'm gonna eat your heart raw", before locking himself into his van. Fearing that he would come out with another loaded gun, Scout darted out of his hideout and towards Demoman.

«Demo! Demo!»

Demoman smiled at him.

"You should leave now, little one. Don't push your luck." He told him, then walked into the base.

«Wait, Demo, it's me! It's Scout! Listen to me, dammit!», Scout tried to follow him, but Demoman closed the door in his nose. He tried to push it open but couldn't. Fearing that Sniper would try to kill him once again, he ran away from there, looking for another way in.

«When I turn back to normal, I'm gonna beat Sniper's ass! What was that about?! What does he think I'm—?! Oh, right, yeah, I'm a rabbit. Everybody's hunting game. Wait. No. Hare. He said I'm a hare. Rabbit, hare, whatever; I don't like this. I need to get to Engie and Heavy. They're the only sane people here. They will actually pay attention to a gesturing rabbit and won't try to shoot it cold. They're the ones I need to find. Engie. Heavy. Sniper's a jerk. The others don't listen. Definitely not Pyro. And Medic…, screw Medic, this is his fault!»

He had to get in there. He was sure there had to be some place he could slip through, some open door. He walked around the base trying to find it, but found none. Of course, they didn't battle BLU for two weeks to leave the door open for them to sneak in.

After a very long while, of trying to push doors open and trying to fit through cracks, all of this while making sure Sniper wasn't around, he finally found a way. The showers' high windows. Engineer had told him and the rest of the team to leave it open because of the smell and in order to keep convenient humidity levels. But there was a problem with those windows. It was in their name. High. How was he going to reach them?

The answer was in all the crates they kept outside, where they wouldn't take up too much space.

When he was ordered to pile them up, he complained a lot, but now…, oh, now he was so thankful about them!

He was still a mighty good jumper in this form. Now that he thought that he was in full control of his new body, he had no trouble climbing that wooden mountain. Gee, he was really small! That didn't look that tall when he was a human! But he was more afraid of the predators than the height. He had to get in there. And so focused on the window above him. He was almost there. Come on, you're at the top. A double jump and there you are. One, two…

His intention was to land on the frame, but Scout fell flat on his face on the tiled floor of the bathroom.

«Ow.»

He shook his head. Well, he was in. Mission accomplished. «Now, let's look for the baldies.»

Engie was probably in the room he had claimed as his workshop. It wasn't too far from the bathroom. There! The door was closed, so he was probably inside, working on some brainiac stuff. «I know he's always telling me to let him work in peace, but this is important. He will love this kinda stuff.» He tried knocking, but found that his paws didn't make any sound. Stupid fluffy paws. He even tried with his head. Yeah, not even he heard the knocking, and it hurt. «I need something to knock the door with…»

Hm…A Crit-a-Cola empty can! Yeah! There had to be plenty of them from the previous day inside the garbage can!

He ran towards the garage, when he turned the corner and found something which made him freeze.

Pyro, standing there, muttering something to a lit match which was consuming in her hand.

There was no other way…

«…God, please, help me…»

Feeling his tiny heart racing inside of his chest, he debated with himself for a second about the best way to do this and decided to use the tactic he always used in battle: running. Running too fast to be detected. Luckily, Pyro seemed entranced by her match and would pay no attention to anything else around her…

But she did notice the big shadow slipping by her side and rose her head. She immediately started following.

Was something worse than Sniper shooting at him? Oh, yeah: Pyro. That was so much worse. Scout was now terrified, because he had seen what his teammate did with everyone she crossed paths with, and now that he was an animal, a small, defenseless, unimportant vermin…«Thank you for nothing, God!»

An open door, please! Somewhere to hide! What the hell, God? There was nothing! All doors were closed, there was nowhere to hide!

He jumped up the stairs, mouth open to pant more out of fear than tiredness. Pyro was following closely.

When she reached the upper floor, she stopped. The corridor in front of her was empty. Where was that thing? Because she had seen something…She opened the nearest room. Nothing. She tried the next. Nuh-uh.

She didn't try looking back, at the wall behind her, right at the top of the stairs. Scout didn't miss the chance and ran down, ran as fast as he could.

«Okay, God, guess you did give me a hand here. Thanks.»

And thanks for those fluffy paws which made no noise…

Should he still try to follow his original plan? He felt so confused, so scared…Everything wanted to kill him…«What do people have against hares? I mean, look at me! I'm adorable! Cut me some slack!»

He reached the garage. Soldier and Demoman were there, now talking about boots, sitting at the table, and Medic («jerk!») was preparing some kind of mixture for his birds. They were all busy, so, if he did this quietly…

He approached the trash bin, tried to push it somewhere where he could rummage without attracting anyone's attention, when the door opened and Sniper walked in. He instinctively hid behind the bin.

"Pauling's here." Sniper announced, and the girl walked in behind him.

«Miss Pauling!», Scout couldn't help peeping. «Oh, I didn't want her to know…Well, perhaps…, when I tell her all I've been through she'll be like: 'Oh, Scout, you are so brave! Even as a hare you look handsome!'.»

"You should have told me about this, guys. It's very important." She said to the men in the room, minus Sniper, who went to tell the others about her coming.

"We were sure he knew what he was doing, Miss Pauling." Soldier shrugged.

"The Administrator is concerned. I am concerned."

«Ah! She's surely talking about me! Yeah, she knows I'm gone and came to look for me! I'm here, Miss Pauling!»

The rest of the team came quickly.

"It was probably a rat, Pyro. But don't set this one on fire: last time you did that…" Engineer was telling Pyro when they walked into the room and met Miss Pauling. "Hello, Miss. I reckon you've come for—"

"Yes. For him."

Scout's heart skipped a beat. He thought she was pointing in his direction.

But it turned out she was addressing Medic.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"Told you boss would know about wild animals on basement." Heavy muttered to his friend.

"I told the Administrator! It's an investment!"

"Yes, but those animals you get organs from have gotten loose three times this week!" Miss Pauling replied.

"I would like to take the chance and speak about what you have been filling our cavities with…" Spy spoke up, glaring at Medic.

Although Scout had his opinion about the matter, he was disappointed to know he was not the main topic here.

«Wow, you guys are really good at giving me the cold shoulder. Impressive, yeah. Well done, Doc, stealing attention from me with your shit. You know what? It hasn't been twenty-four hours and I'm very tired of this, so I'm gonna swallow my pride and ask for help. But, just so you know, hadn't it been for Merasmus doing this to me, you wouldn't have heard from me in years!»

Okay, he was going to reveal himself. He had to be very careful. Sniper and Pyro were there. Miss Pauling would surely understand immediately: she was so smart and so damn pretty…A princess with glasses…

«Princess…Wait a second…Wait a second! That's it! Ma used to read me stories with enchanted princes and princesses! I know that crap! A kiss from a princess and the curse is broken and the frog turns back into a prince! True love's kiss breaks the spell! It always works, and sure this time is no different. I mean, I've seen wizards, walking skeletons, giants, headless horseless horsemen, fish people…, why shouldn't I believe in this?»

He waited for the occasion to come…

"…put them down or something, at least. Have some mercy, please!" Miss Pauling said.

He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this! A dream come true. Thank you, Merasmus! (and screw you, by the way!).

"By the way, where's Scout?"

"No idea." Was all they had to say about the matter.

"Ah." And that was all response from her as she took a seat.

Now!

He was very afraid, but at the same time he had never been more ready in his life.

Miss Pauling let out a little exclamation when suddenly something jumped on her lap and, placing a hand on her chest for balance, pressed its snout against her lips.

Scout didn't change back. Before he could try again, just to be safe, he was grabbed by the ears by Soldier.

"What do you think you're doing, lil' rascal?"

«OW! LET GO, LET GO! THAT HURTS! THAT HURTS A LOT!»

"What the…"

"A hare?"

"Awwwww!" Pyro exclaimed under her mask, clasping her hands together.

"Eugh!" Miss Pauling wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked at him with disgust. "See what I mean, Medic?"

"That's not mine!" Medic quickly replied. "I've only got tigers, gorillas, baboons, blowfish, crabs…"

"Where did that thing come from?" Engineer looked at Scout with a smile. "No, Soldier, you're hurting it." And took him and held him gently, giving him a couple of reassuring strokes.

«Yeah, you are, asshole! Where did you learn to pick up rabbits?», Scout glared at Soldier.

"If that thing got in, it means you've got to check all the entrances, guys." Miss Pauling said, and looked at Scout with disgust. "I hope it doesn't have lice…"

"Won't happen again." Heavy said.

"Yes, it won't, because I'm eating it stewed…" Sniper mumbled. Scout didn't get to hear what he said but the look on his face was enough.

«Guys…Guys, it's me!» Scout shook in Engineer's hands, and he caressed him while shushing him.

"Well, I'm gonna go wash my mouth. I hope I can bring you news from Mann soon." Miss Pauling said, getting up from the chair and walking towards the exit.

"Bye, Miss Pauling." Soldier waved his hand at her.

"Heh! It looks like the hare which embarrassed you, Sniper!" Demoman gave Scout a close look. "I've never seen a rabbit this smart."

"I don't understand all of this fuss, for a few potentially dangerous animals, well secured in their cages, where they bother no one…" Medic was telling Heavy as they walked away.

"Perhaps Doc can transplant its brain into the Demoman from the other team. The bloke was a bloody twat, hehehe!"

"All animals are lured by warmth and food, which means we did not do a good job keeping this place secret and secured. If a rabbit could get in, men can. I knew I should have double-checked…" Spy sighed at his team's incompetence and was about to go fix the mistake quickly.

"What should we do about this one?" Engineer asked.

"Do away with it. It's seen too much." Spy replied before disappearing.

«You think a freakin' hare's gonna snitch?! What the hell, Spy?! Guys! Don't listen to him! Don't!»

"Give it to me…And a few carrots, garlic, rosemary…" Sniper was about to get his hands on it when Pyro pried it from Engineer's hands.

"Give it to me, Pyro. It's personal."

"Nah!" Pyro refused, and cuddled Scout. She smelt of...gasoline...

"Pyroooooo." Sniper complained, but he knew what the dreadful consequences of crossing Pyro were, and so didn't insist. He looked at Scout with a cruel smirk. "Well…I just need to wait for a while to see it chopped and roasted…"

Scout feared he was right…

Chapter Text

Scout couldn't see a thing. Miss Pauling, thank goodness, required Pyro for a job which required burning some compromising papers, put him inside an empty wooden box with some smelly stain at the bottom, and everybody forgot about him. He heard movement from time to time, but that was all. The box was barely big enough for him to take one step and a half. He had been behind bars for quite a few times in his life and he had never felt this…imprisoned. He tried to hop out of it but he didn't have enough space to get the impulse he needed.

He had to get out of there. Pyro would come back, and his chances of surviving would drop drastically. She had caressed him too brusquely a while before—a little more and she would have ripped his skin off.

A few lettuce leaves fell on his head. Scout rose his head and found Engineer also had a bowl with water for him.

"Its last supper," said Demoman, by his side, a bottle of scrumpy on hand.

"I don't know. Pyro's way gentler to animals than people." Engineer said. He seemed to have gotten an idea and picked Scout up.

«Thanks, Engie, now leave m—hey, whatcha doing?!»

"It's a male." He said before putting him back.

"Of course it had to be a male." Demoman chuckled.

«You ol' perv!», Scout huddled up in a corner, hiding that part of his body which only someone very special was allowed to see.

"Ah, bunnies make me soft. We had a rabbit hutch at home when I was a boy, and I got fond memories of feeding these little pompoms, caressing the kits..."

"You should have seen this one dodging Sniper's bullets."

"He did?"

"Oh, yeah Like he knew what he was going to do!"

«Doesn't that make you a little suspicious?»

But all he got was an amused 'huh!' from Engie.

«C'mon, Engie, you're the smart one!»

"Though, between you and I, Hawkeye wouldn't see three lads on a mule right after getting out of bed. The other day…" And they walked away, leaving him alone.

«Wait!»

And so he was left alone, once again. He sat and grumbled to himself about his whole team being a bunch of idiots incapable of understanding that they were not dealing with a common flea-ridden hare…Until his stomach growled and reminded him that he had not eaten anything in more than twelve hours. He really didn't want to debase himself and eat that spoiled lettuce, but he needed a clear mind If he wanted to find a way out of this, didn't he? So he munched those bland leaves while pondering about the options he had.

"That's why I prefer to surround myself with doves and not people. One just needs to clean their poo and that's it, that's the only way they're going to bother you." Medic turned around and realized that Heavy was looking through the window. Though he knew him well enough to know that he wasn't an expressive man and never gave signs that he was listening, he also knew him as well as to know that, this time, he was not.

"What is it?" He approached to see what was interesting him so. But he only found barren land and rocks. Yeah, that was what their employer desired so much as to spend a fortune and sacrifice all lives needed. He wondered if that was the philosophical thought on Heavy's mind and prepared to debate on the matter when he replied:

"Scout still didn't come."

"Eh. Much better for us. Our heads can rest." Medic moved away from the window, if that was his friend's concern.

"Not good. Miss Pauling comes, he is not here to see her."

"He's old enough to take care of himself. And I remind you that I told him to get his stupid games away from the infirmary, I never told him to leave the base: it's him who doesn't want to come back."

"He knows he must stay in base and can't leave for no good reason."

"Why are you so worried? What are you, his nanny?"

"He young and foolish. Where I am from, people disappearing never come back…" Heavy's eyebrows furrowed somberly.

"This is not the gulag, Mikhail." Medic supported himself on the desk. "We are talking about a brat who thinks he can do whatever he wants, like we are obliged to look after him and laugh at his stupidities. No, sir! That's not going to work with me! If he wants to make the disappearing act, like his father, fine for me! I've got more important things to think about!"

But Heavy kept on thinking about him, despite everything…

Scout heard them eat dinner. Have the usual conversations.

«Okay, is nobody going to point out that there's someone missing here? You guys are real experts on emotional blackmail. Yeah, really, congrats. You really are making me believe that you don't care. I can play that game, too! And I can win! I would win this ignoring-one-another contest if I wasn't afraid my life's in danger.»

Pyro grabbed him, sat him on her lap and fed him with some mashed potatoes, talking to him and holding him like he was a baby.

«I WANNA GET OUT OF HEEEEEERE!»

But did someone hear? Did someone notice the very human distress on that animal's face? No, they didn't! They were too busy talking about weapons and the weather, like a bunch of morons! How was he going to tell them who he was if they weren't even paying attention?!

«I'll have to do something big. Something they can't ignore…Heeey! Maybe I can steal Pyro's lighter, or some matches, and powder from Demo, and make a firecracker or something, like, rabbits don't make things explode, that I know of!»

The problem was that Pyro was squeezing him too bad to reach for her pockets, and every time he tried to hop off her, she would grab him tighter. She wouldn't leave him alone for a second!

She didn't even let him go at bed time. She went to bed holding him in her arms.

"Is that thing still alive?" Soldier came from the bathroom and gave them a look.

The hare was tough, and that was something he appreciated, so he caressed him a little before lighting a cigar and smoke it while he brushed his boots until they he could see his reflection on them.

«Soldier! Ah, why am I bothering? If the smart guys didn't get the idea, it'll be useless to try with freaking Soldier…» Therefore, Scout had nothing else to do but let Pyro keep on petting him and whisper terrifying things into his ear.

After a while, Soldier finished his task and lied down on the mattress which was going to be his bed for all the time they would be there. He always slept the seven hours the military needed to have a good performance, not one minute more nor less, and he slept all stiff, like he was in position of attention.

"Rest well, Pyro."

"Muhmh."

And he turned off the light.

Pyro kept on muttering things to her new toy, distracting him, else, Scout would have noticed that, soon after that, Soldier turned his head towards the empty bed beside him.

"…Pyro…" Soldier talked unexpectedly.

"Hm?"

"…You can talk louder if you want."

"Mmh."

I've gotten so used to the kid talking in his sleep, and snoring and humming, and reading comic books under the sheets that I can't get sleep without some noise in the room…, Soldier was going to add, but doubted that Pyro would understand, and it wasn't right for the one in charge of the barracks to share his feelings, like they were girlfriends. So he took it like a man and bore the silence without complaining.

Pyro was never loud. She was more of a whisperer. And whisper she did, a lot, until she went silent and still. Scout guessed she had fallen asleep as well. Good, this was his chance.

But, oh, hell, she was still grabbing him like her hands were pincers. Scout tried, even using force, but she wouldn't just let go.

«Maybe I gotta wait for that ROM, RAM, whatever-the-hell-the-name-is phase…»

And he waited, though he wasn't sure of what he was waiting for: Pyro never took her suit and mask off before going to sleep and so couldn't see any change in her. And, as he waited, he fell asleep himself…

Instead of taking the teleporter, which was considerably faster, walked his way to the room they used as kitchen and dining room. He would pass by Offense's dormitory. He didn't need to walk by, pretending to be thinking about something else: everyone was still sleeping. Soldier, like a corpse, snoring like he wanted to tear the walls down, Pyro, curled up and with that rabbit in her arms, which seemed to be still breathing, surprisingly so…And Scout's mattress, just the way he had left it two days prior: with the sheets anywhere but in their proper place, candy wraps and cookie crumbs all around…

Perhaps he was sleeping somewhere else at the base. Yes, he probably came back late at night, in order to avoid an uncomfortable, ego-wrecking conversation, with the intention of showing up at breakfast time like he was doing them, oh, poor mortals, a favor.

Spy didn't find him on the couch. He wasn't in the bathroom, either, and he looked in every toilet. He expected him to be sitting at the table, with that smug face of his, but he wasn't there.

Pensive, he lit a cigarette and smoked sitting in front of the spot he usually chose.

Heavy appeared some minutes later. It seemed he had just walked out of the shower.

"Morning."

"Good morning."

Heavy checked and saw someone had left just a drop of coffee. Sniper, probably: he always made for himself and never thought of the rest of the team. So he started making some for all of them who drank it. While the percolator did its thing, Heavy observed Spy smoke distractedly.

"…Scout not back?" He asked.

"It seems not." Spy replied, still with his gaze lost somewhere on the wall in front of him.

"Hm." Heavy grunted. He averted his eyes for a moment before looking at him again. "You know where he is now?"

"No."

Heavy didn't like talking too much. Neither did Spy, and he was good at reading people. They understood each other perfectly with barely a few words.

He understood why Heavy asked him that. He believes I should know…

Yes, perhaps he should go and track the little hippity-hoppity caricature of a man he called Scout…What he would do when he found him, he wasn't sure. He agreed with his teammates that this was a tantrum, like children refusing to breathe or becoming a dead weight or threatening to run away from home. He was a big boy, and needed to be disciplined like one…However, he looked at Heavy, saw his worry, imperceptible to anyone didn't know him and couldn't read his stone face, and couldn't help agreeing that this was going on for too long…, deep down…

Chapter Text

Letting Demoman go to town to get provisions implied him coming back with crates and crates of alcohol and stopping to booze at the bar. He could probably cause a fuss and end up in prison for exposure indecent and/or public disorder. Or maybe he would just end up sleeping at the cemetery, the bar's toilet, the fountain at the town's square. Anyway, nobody expected him to come back soon and sober. Demoman himself knew that he wouldn't remember what he had come to do in a while.

So he did this before he forgot things again.

"Have you seen a boy this tall, with dog tags, a cap...?" He asked in the only hostel in town. The owner said he wouldn't have allowed someone like that to register on their own, without their parents' authorization.

He asked the bartender too. He replied he would have remembered someone so noteworthy as an adult-child.

Demoman himself combed the whole place, looked in every establishment, in every alley, even inside the trash cans. And still no signs from Scout.

He went back to the bar and served himself a drink. He always had reasons to drink, and this was a mighty fine excuse.

This was the nearest town. The next ones were many miles away. And if it was true that he took no money with him...

The guys could say what they wanted, but he was starting to get worried.

He was alive, one more day. But Scout never knew when it would be the last. Unless Miss Pauling came to tell them Mann had finally taken legal possession of that land and they could leave and released him in the desert, he was doomed to be Pyro's toy.

Scout had never been too much of a thinker. Thinking had never taken him anywhere, and, in Mann Co., they didn't pay him to do that. But he did his best.

Okay, so he wasn't sure it had been a good idea to come to the base. Sure, they fed him and was safe from the wild animals outside, but he couldn't say he had more chances of survival in there. They could do away with him, cook him. Medic could grab him and dissect him or cut him to pieces and use his organs for some shady purpose. Once again, he thought of Merasmus and thought that the old wizard had really outdone himself this time.

He was mighty disappointed that the true love kiss thing had turned out to be rubbish. Though..., well, at least he got to kiss Miss Pauling, even if she was disgusted and he had no lips to enjoy that. If Merasmus knew of a spell to transform him, sure there had to be one to make him normal again. It was logical. But he knew nothing about magic. The one who knew a lot of stories and legends and rumors was Demo, but, of course, he couldn't ask him. And looking for Merasmus to make him talk was almost completely out of question: it would take long and be hard enough to find him, and if he did, being unable to even hold a weapon, he wouldn't have a chance against him.

There had to be a way to attract the guys' attention..., make them realize who he was...

But knowing that he had to do something big and loud didn't matter if he couldn't get away from Pyro. If he wanted to get something done, he would have to get rid of her.

«Fires...»

Yeah, but how could he create a fire? He had no hands...

Munching his daily lettuce, he put those rusty gears in his brain to work.

And he thought he got an idea.

Mom would often beat him in the ass as a toddler because he loved to play with electrical outlets...

The moment was now. Pyro had left him inside of his box, very reluctantly so, because she needed to check her flamethrower, which had worked a little so-so in the last combat and Engie was helping her repair. She would come back soon and Scout feared she would use it on him.

He slammed the walls of the box. There was too little space for moving, but he tried, he used all of his might. The box stumbled. Again! He drew back and hit, using all of his body. Then, the box fell and he rolled out.

"Huuuhuummmm!" Pyro was calling him from the teleporter. She was coming!

He quickly got up and, shaking his tail in sign of triumph, grabbed the bowl with the water, and darted, carefully so he didn't spill all of the content, towards the nearest outlet he found.

There was Pyro. She inspected the box. When she saw he wasn't in there, went very silent and started searching the whole space.

Scout threw the water at the outlet. There were a few sparkles.

Pyro spotted him. "Hudda!"

She extended her arms, ready to cuddle him to death.

But she suddenly turned her eyes at the wall beside her. A fire had started.

Like hypnotized, she stopped, then completely forgot about anything that wasn't that small flame.

Scout took the chance and ran. Ran as fast as he could towards the teleporter.

That was designed for humans, not for animals and less for bread. But he was in no situation to play safe. He jumped in and there was a flash and he disappeared, all of which behind Pyro, who never once turned her head.

But there was someone who noticed the teleporter working but saw nobody coming out. Soldier left his Mann Co. catalog on the mattress and walked out of the dormitory to give it a look. It almost seemed impossible that he could see something with that helmet covering his eyes.

"Engie, this piece of junk's acting up!"

"That was probably a fly." Was all Engineer replied, probably because he was too busy with some contraption to pay much attention to complaints.

"As long as it won't become a freak like in that movie..." Soldier muttered, and went back to his reading.

Scout had a quick peek from the corner he hid in after Soldier was gone, then slid away.

Surely he would find explosives, something to make fire with and everything at the Defense guys' room. But, when he reached the door, he was encountered a little but crucial problem...How was he going to open the door if he couldn't even reach the doorknob?

«I've come too far to let a stupid doorknob defeat me!»

He would jump. He would try all times needed, but he would do it. Damn sure he would!

Now he had complete freedom of movement. He took impulse and tried to reach for the doorknob, but it wasn't enough and hit his head against the door. Ow! He shook his head and tried again. Not even close. Again! He grazed it with his paw but fell in an embarrassing posture. Again! He hit himself in the head again, and this time it actually hurt. Instead of becoming discouraged, he remembered an old, reliable strategy of his: the double jump. «The double jump's never failed me». And now that he moved on fours it wouldn't be different! He took impulse once again, this time from almost the other side of the corridor, and jumped, then, in the air, took impulse once again.

Eureka! He found himself holding onto the doorknob for his dear life. Thanks to his weight, it was starting to move, allowing him to...

It was at that moment when he realized that there was someone standing behind him.

«Oh, crap...»

A very awkward silence followed. He didn't know whether to run away or quickly finishing what he intended to do.

«Depends. If it's Pyro, I'll get the hell outta here...»

He took deep breath and looked back.

He was so lucky. It wasn't Pyro. Nor Sniper or Medic. It was Spy, who was staring at him with a cigarette in hand. Gravity sent Scout to the floor. Spy kept on staring. Scout stared as well, fearing his reaction, hoping he could see a human glimpse in him. It would have been so much better if he didn't have that stupid mask on, so he could read his face...

"Hmmm..." A surprised mumble was all clue he got.

The door was a bit open, but, before Scout could think of running inside and get the materials needed, Spy quickly closed it and kept on staring him. Scout thought of running away, but he wasn't sure if that was the best thing to do.

To be fair, Spy seemed like he was hesitant.

"Je suis en train de penser que l'eau d'ici rendre les animaux plus intelligents et les personnes plus stupides..."

He didn't understand frog, and hoped that didn't mean he was going to cut him and serve him for dinner. Hadn't he said he wanted him dead? Yeah, he had to get out of there.

Spy crouched to grab him. Scout flinched and tried to run away, but Spy grabbed him by a leg and took him in his hands delicately. Scout twisted and turned but Spy caressed him.

"...Tu es vraiment malin...Je n'ai jamais vu un lapin si malin...Plus que beaucoup de gens..."

What was going on? Where was he taking him? Spy took him away, but not back to the old box, but to...his private room? That room he had claimed for himself, while the others had to share? The room he had decorated and filled with expensive furniture? That room meant for his private pleasure, that nobody else was allowed to enjoy or even see, even though it was big enough for the nine of them and all people they wanted to bring? Why was he taking him there? Was he going to kill him privately, where Pyro wouldn't see and get angry?

Scout didn't get to have a good look at the place because he was ready to bite his hand and run if he saw his life was in danger. Spy seemed to notice he was agitated and tried to calm him down with several gentle strokes. He saw him walk to a corner, to an empty wooden crate where he stored a wine he had never seen before but looked very expensive, get out some bottles, put a pillow instead and a couple of ceramic bowls.

"Pyro te tuera, et ça serait un dommage. Tu es meilleur que beaucoup de personnes je connais, et la moitié de cette équipe. Mais j'espère que tu ne sors d'ici. Si tu tombes des poils dans ma moquette, je te tuerais avec mes propes mains. Si tu te conduis bien, je serais bon avec toi."

Too bad Scout didn't understand a thing. Spy smiled at him and Scout supported himself on the walls of the box to try and see where he was going, but he saw nothing. He just heard the door locked close.

«Don't tell me Spy has just made me his pet...»

Pyro was determined to never talk to Heavy again after he put out the fire which had almost consumed the whole garage. She was even close to bury her hatchet in his bald head if it wasn't for Engineer intervening. Now she was rumbling in a corner, arms folded, while Engineer patiently listened.

"We can make a good, nice bonfire tonight, huh? Would you like that?"

Pyro shook her head. No! She was angry! But Engineer knew her and knew she couldn't resist.

He was grilling some meat Demoman brought for the whole team, which they were eagerly expecting, because he was really good at it.

This was almost done. Time to get the dishes. Two, five, seven, nine...

His smile faded a bit.

"Py...Have you seen Scout?"

Pyro shook her head without changing her posture.

And he had something to ruminate for the rest of the night...

Chapter Text

Scout didn't like his new situation. At least with Pyro he could see everything going on in the base; now he was trapped inside Spy's private room, isolated from everything and everyone, and Spy wasn't the kind of man who would talk to his pets. He just made sure he had food and water, cleaned his excrements and pet him a little, without getting hair in his gloves, before disappearing from sight. «Yeah, thanks for the favor, Spy!»

But there was one thing that hadn't changed: he was small. And when one is small, he can see a lot of things from the ground, unnoticed by all the tall guys.

What he was seeing from the box inside of Spy's private room was the same he was seeing from outside.

Everybody was doing the same things they did every day. The same tasks, the same conversations, the same boredom.

«As if I was never gone.»

Sometimes, he thought of escaping and trying to tell them it was him, but this thought had installed inside of his mind and was making him ask himself…what for?

«I think it's clear they're missing nothing…»

Nobody was searching, nobody was even talking about him…

Yeah, why should he try to make himself noticed by people who didn't care that he had disappeared?

He looked at the box around him and guessed now he had two options: escaping from this room and running away, wherever, or staying and accepting his fate as the team's pet. Since they seemed to care more about some random hare than their teammate…

Sniper always preferred to stay in his van for sleeping, eating and supervising his guns, but even lone wolves like him desired a little company, mostly when they are trapped in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do, and weeks pass unnervingly slow. When he was at the base, he would walk around and read the atmosphere.

The men read, smoked, dismantled their guns to give them proper treatment and assembled them back, had long walks in the desert, chatted, drank…But there was something in the atmosphere, something that weighted and crushed their spirits, making their voices low, all conversations brief and distant, all actions be done distractedly.

It was the silence.

What a silence…, Sniper told himself, looking at every one of his teammates.

And everybody knew the reason for this gloom.

There used to be someone who filled the air with cocky comments, jokes, burps, loud Tom Jones music.

That used to annoy the hell out of him, and everybody else…but now…Huh! Funny how it was hard to live without…

That someone was young, was full of energy and optimism, and it was now when he noticed of how contagious that was…

He glanced at Medic, feeding his birds, though they have enough seed. It seemed he had lost interest in his abominations lately. He could be seen lost in thought, just not in some kind of evil calculation—no, when Medic was thinking of a new experiment, a new cavity to make on his patients' bodies and what to fill them with, his eyes sparkled and couldn't help smiling a bit. Lately, Medic had been ruminating something he didn't like. Regret? Medic was too proud to say sorry, Sniper didn't think he was the kind of a man who did that sort of things…But it seemed to him that he was considering a few things…

Talking about proud…

Spy could be seen near the Offense dorm very often now. He could act like he was just walking around the base, since he had nothing better to do, but Sniper knew better than to believe that.

He stopped by his side and watched the empty mattress by his side.

"…Isn't it taking him too long to come back?" He finally said.

Five days…Scout liked the attention too much to disappear for even a whole day.

Spy took a drag from his cigarette, taking so long to reply Sniper was about to walk away when he did:

"…I am sure he is all right…"

"How do you know?"

"…I simply know…"

Anyone who didn't know Spy could have bought it. Many in the team would have been convinced. But Sniper had come to read people after so many years watching all of their moves from the scope. And he knew that Spy had been smoking double lately.

He replied nothing and walked away, out of the base, towards his van. He grabbed a few things and drove away, telling himself that perhaps Scout didn't deserve it and would mock him if he found out, but he wouldn't feel right until he at least knew where he was.

As for Spy, after Sniper was gone, he went to a distant corner of the base and made a call with his watch.

"…Hello?" A feminine voice answered.

"Betty."

"Who is it?"

"It's me. Henri."

"Oh!" Some metallic clinking, like she was in the kitchen. "I think you've got something that's mine…"

Spy would have smiled, remembering the panties he was keeping inside of one of the pockets in his suit.

"How are you, princesse?"

"Missing you, always." Betty purred. "Last time was fantastic. And I am so bored…"

"Isn't Jeremy keeping you company for the holidays?"

"No, he's in that job he found in Albany, at the hat factory, and he told me he wouldn't get any free days. Unbelievable, don't you think? I've told him he should sue those exploiters, I've told him slavery was banned a long time ago! He's young but that don't mean he should let people take advantage of him! Could you do something, Henri, dear? Don't you know a good lawyer or…?"

"I'll see what I can do." Spy finished the cigarette he was smoking, took his case and took another one, which he lit, placing it on his lips and using the lighter with his free hand.

"Thank you. 'Cause those people are making me mad. They've got no phone to call him, I've gotta wait for weeks for him to have a second to call me…I guess I'm just sad that my baby's flew off the nest, but…I'm still his mother, I can't help feeling worried."

Spy did not reply to that. He humored Betty a little more, promised her to do her this and that when he came back to Boston as soon as he could, then hung up as quickly as she allowed him. Then, he headed towards his smoking room, took the hare out of the box and sat on his armchair to caress him for a while.

Sniper was always boasting about being good tracking people, tracking them and eliminating them—well, now it was time to prove it. Five days had passed and surely all traces had disappeared, there was no one around who could have seen anything, there was nothing. But there had to be something.

That was one of the few clues he had: there was nothing in miles around the base. What would a young boy like Scout do being angry? Maybe just walk around the desert, rant aloud, shoot at some cactus. Hm. Probably. But that could only take him a few hours. Then what? He wasn't going to stay in that desert. Not without food or water. Scout was someone who needed movement and entertainment: he wasn't going to watch the clouds for days.

He probably headed to town. The town was ten miles away. He doubted he knew how to find his way with the stars and a compass: he most probably just followed the road. So, driving his van, he followed what he thought were his steps that afternoon.

In town, he could have stayed at the local hostel—that is, if their terrible reputation didn't have him banned and had to sleep on some bench. Or maybe he took a bus and left somewhere else. Scout was a city boy and hated small towns, needed neon lights, movement, people…Nah, he couldn't have done something of the sort. He liked Miss Pauling too much to disobey her orders to stay in there until Mann took possession, all he did was to impress and please her.

The mates said he had to be there, somewhere, hiding from them, so they didn't lecture him and he could give himself importance. Sniper didn't think so. Something in his guts told him that Scout couldn't have kept that going on for this long. He wished he was wrong and he was acting like a little prick indeed.

He suddenly stopped.

Never mind the van staying in the middle of the road, there was no one to bother. He wouldn't have cared anyways. As soon as he spotted it, he tried to get out of the vehicle, a violent jerk reminding him that he had to remove the seat belt first. Once he did, he hopped off and ran towards a strange pile on one side of the road.

He didn't even stop the engine when he got to the base. He just got out of the van, ran towards the door and started to kick it, since he had his hands busy. He accidentally pushed Demoman when he opened.

"Wha…?" He tried to ask him what the matter was, but Sniper ran in as soon as he had green light.

"Everyone come here NOW!"

There was no need to say it twice, this attitude sure attracted their attention.

"Spy, Sniper's calling. And it seems urgent." Engineer knocked at the smoking room's door, breaking the peacefulness inside.

Spy was petting Scout again. He left him inside the box and walked out, faster than he wanted everyone to see. He met his teammates at the semi-burnt garage. Sniper had already dropped everything he carried with him on the floor.

He recognized them immediately, no need to examine it, like Soldier crouched down to do. Scout's shirt. His cap. His pants. His bat. His dog tags.

Soldier looked up, his eyes open wide looking for his teammates from a crack under his helmet. The mercenaries looked at one another with surprise and gravity.

Heavy opened his mouth to declare that he knew something bad was happening, but he said nothing in the end. There are times when all those 'I told you' were completely unnecessary.

Chapter Text

Engineer, after a long, detailed inspection, left the clothes back on the table.

"Not a drop of blood." He rubbed a hand on his chin. "They probably made him strip before taking him away."

"Made him?" Demoman asked.

"I don't think the kid took of his clothes by his own will, with this cold..."

"What would they do that for?" Medic asked.

"No idea. This is weird. But I think we can all agree that he was taken away." Sniper said, looking around him.

"It had to be BLU! Hah! Those maggots are getting their sweet revenge for stealing their precious land and now they're torturing Scout with cold showers and putting out cigarettes!" Soldier hit the table with the palm of his hand.

"I...don't think so, Soldier. BLU—" Medic tried to make him understand, but Soldier was too immersed in his own delusion.

"It had to be them! Animals always go after the youngest and weakest in the pack! Well, let's see what those brave men do when a man comes to them!" And he stormed out of the room without listening to someone more reasonable than him. They let him be.

"He's vanished and left his clothes behind...It must be the aliens! They've come back!" Demoman was not being any more reasonable. They didn't bother with him. They let him run out of the room, rambling aloud in case those grey bastards were listening.

"Yes, yes, go check on the aliens." Medic dismissed them, then looked at the remaining teammates, who had more than one brain cell. "Alright, who would want to lay a hand on the kid?"

"Anyone?" Sniper suggested. "I mean, he's never gone around making friends."

"Someone who could specially hate him?" Engineer dug deeper, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Boston gangs." Heavy replied, looking away in thought.

"Yeah! Didn't he get in trouble with all kinds of mobs back at home? What if one of them caught him?"

"I'll go check." Sniper lost no time and left the room as well. Any second could be crucial, and he had this pressure in his chest because they had wasted enough time...

"I just hope he's not dead already. How could we wait this long to...?" Engineer was talking more to himself than any of the present. From his gestures, it seemed sure he also wanted to rush away to look for him, the only thing keeping him there being the need for a plan.

Medic furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms. Oh, come on, they were making him feel guilty about having told him to go away! He groaned, trying to shoo the thought away.

"Any ideas, Spy?"

No one answered. It was then that they realized that Spy was not among them and they had no idea of when he had left the room.

Soldier walked in front of the BLU, assembled in line.

"Alright, you filthy animals stole us our runt of the litter! Shut that big mouth, we know it was you! So you'd better spit it now before I show you a whole new world of pain!"

He waited for a response he would never get. Severed heads don't talk.

Demoman took a furious sip at his drink and then smashed the bottle at his feet.

"Come at me, you anal-probbing jessies! Come abduct a real man, if you've got what it takes!"

And the aliens answered to this earthling's call, attracting him with a ray. Demoman rose in the sky, fist ready to punch whatever forms of life he encountered up there.

Time passed inside of Spy's smoking room unbearably slow, but there came a day when Scout became aware that some days had passed and Spy had not come to the room. Which was bad news for him, because he had ran out of food, had just a bit of water left and it was about time he cleaned the box.

«Okay, has he disappeared again?»

He tried to take a look out of the box. All he found was darkness.

«Pheh! Typical of Spy to abandon everyone...», he thought, curling up against himself and closing his eyes, because he could do nothing more—that, or ruminating about his growling stomach.

If this kept going on for too long, he would starve. He had been thinking about escaping, but there was a problem: the door was locked and he had no way of opening it. All he had in this room was a carpet, furniture, books...He would have to eat the books. He wasn't sure of how long he would survive on that, but what else could he do? One couldn't trust Spy...

He had tried to attract his attention and he, like an idiot, had completely ignored him, like his mind was floating in outer space. Now he had no idea of what else to try.

Sadness was starting to get the best of him. What could he do? Now he was going to rot inside of a box, and they would throw his corpse into the garbage can, and his mom and Miss Pauling would be always waiting for him and wondering where he had gone.

Thinking about his mother made a knot appear in his throat. She didn't even know he was fighting. She thought he would come home for Thanksgiving. He had promised her.

«I'll find a way out!»

She gave him the fuel he needed to hop out of the crate and inspect the room inch by inch. He ignored the curious pictures of Spy posing with weird people hanging on the walls, the expensive-looking decorations, and never once wondered how he managed to get all of this in there, when and who he bribed to have such privilege. He ignored Spy's warning and got on the sofa to reach for the magazine he had left on the little table beside it and munch it, to silence his stomach.

The door opened, and Spy walked in. His eyes turned to the hare which had torn Dapper Cadaver to pieces and was munching some of them.

Hare and human glanced at one another in silence. Look what you made me do, Scout tried to communicate him through his eyes. But then Spy surprised him.

He didn't fulfill his threat. He didn't shout at him getting his dirty paws on the sofa and filling it with hairs. He just removed his mask so he could run a hand through his face.

Scout had never seen his face...He was mostly sure no one else had...

He had always wondered what Spy was hiding under that mask. A big zit? A bald head? Scars? But there was none of that. He was a common human being, with dark hair, which was starting to turn white, starting from the sideburns.

But his expression...

Scout had no idea of what age he was, but one thing was sure: he looked definitely older now.

Spy mumbled something in his language that he didn't understand. Probably Spy himself was just talking without worrying about making sense. However, there was one word Scout caught.

"...Jeremy..."

Spy then rose his eyes at him and walked towards him with the intention of grabbing him. And Scout bit him in the hand.

«Now you act like you give a crap about me?! Now you do, after leaving me for dead as a human and as a rabbit?!»

Spy let out a groan, shook the hand, which had started to bleed, then seemed to wake up from wherever he was to glare at Scout and take out his gun.

«What? You're gonna kill me? C'mon, go ahead!» Scout didn't move out of the bullet's way.

Spy stood still with his finger on the trigger. If he hadn't know better, he would have said this hare was challenging him.

«You knocked Mom up and ran away! You left her alone with one more mouth to feed! She's a queen and thanks to you she had to work double shifts, with no free days and only four hours to sleep! And she still found time to be there for me, to tuck me in bed, see me play baseball at school and hear about my day! She could have aborted me, no one would have blamed her, and she didn't! She had all right to loathe me and yet she loves me and shows it every time! What's your excuse?! What the hell did you need to do that it was so important?! They could have killed me in the streets, my own brothers, all of these gangsters and bullies, and you wouldn't have even known I existed! I've almost died quite a few times this week and it's now that you even notice I'm gone! I gotta believe that you give a damn?! Come on, shoot the rabbit! Erase me from your life for good already!»

Could Spy read minds? Actually, no. Nevertheless, it seemed there was some little voice inside of his head which agreed with Scout. Spy lowered the weapon until it slipped from his hands and dropped at his feet.

"...Oui, c'est pas ta faute...C'est la mienne..." He muttered, letting a long sigh as he walked to the sofa and dropping on it, covering his face with his hands.

Scout watched him in silence. The heat of hatred inside of his chest cooled down slowly at the sight of that man, who he thought was an insensitive jerk, in such a miserable state.

«You disgust me. I wish I could talk so I could tell you.»

No, he was feeling nothing while he thought of it. The more he looked at Spy, the less he wanted he insult him...

«...That should teach you not to treat people like garbage...Look at you, you walk around like your farts don't stink and you come to your private corner to cry...»

He used to think he wanted to see him suffer, but...

Mpf...

Spy rose his eyes, startled, when he felt the hare brushing himself against his leg to attract his attention. This was surprising for him. It almost seemed like the hare was empathetic and had changed his mind and wanted to comfort him!

It was impossible, but the thought made him smile. And, of course, he caressed him.

«...Guess the best way to get even will be not being like you at all...»

Spy turned his eyes at the box and saw that he had clearly neglected him. "Desolé." He was quick to fix it. He made sure Scout ate something right away, and, after lighting the fire, watched him as he did. Once he was finished, he picked him up, sat on his armchair and caressed him. Scout licked the bite. Once one got used to being pet, it felt really sweet...With the fireplace bringing warmth to that cold, dark room, he came to enjoy it greatly. He closed his eyes and curled up in a ball. Spy kept caressing him for long until he eventually stopped. Scout rose his head. He had fallen asleep. He had discussed with the other teammates if Spy slept with his eyes open, but he didn't—he was just a tired man who found some relief in shutting his head down. Scout could have taken the chance to pee on him, or bite him, even if that cost him his privileges and his own life, but quickly rejected the idea and chose not to move, so he wouldn't wake him up. When he realized, hours had passed. He had fallen asleep.

He stirred, making Spy open his eyes. They both shared a lazy look. Spy smiled.

"Tu me rappelles Jeremy...Un petit diable..." He said with hoarse voice because of the sleepiness, while caressing his head. He looked away, his smile fading.

His name again...

«...He's this sad because of me?...»

Perhaps not everything was lost after all...

Chapter Text

Demoman returned to the base one morning, when his teammates least expected him, all soaked in some purple liquid.

"I've crossed half the bloody universe looking for Scout, beating every bloody alien race to a pulp...No signs of him!" The first thing he probably did back to Earth was getting drunk, for he started bawling, and reeked of alcohol.

The rest hadn't been any luckier. Soldier had finally accepted, after some long four days, that the BLU team, without their heads, could not have taken Scout away. Sniper had returned from Boston the previous day assuring that none of the people Scout could have aggravated in the past had seen him in years; some even tried to beat him in his place, to send him the message that if they ever crossed paths again...Engineer and Medic had analysed the clothes and objects Scout had left behind, finding no trace of DNA from another person. Heavy and Pyro searched the whole county, returning with nothing to report, except for a few towns mysteriously burning to the ground. No idea of what Spy did, but no one saw him in days and he returned empty-handed and very silent.

Engineer let out a long sigh and rose his eyes at the ceiling. "Where are you, kid...?", he muttered.

From the ground, a little hare looked at each one of them. Being honest, their sadness over his disappearance made him quite happy, because that meant they cared, just a little, but also pretty sad.

«Hey, come on, drop those long faces, I'm alive! I'm here!»

Once again, he tried to make them see that they didn't need to fear for his life, attracting their attention, only receiving disdain and a few distracted strokes from Engineer and Demoman. Sniper turned his eyes to the rodent which was going around, patting everybody's feet with his paw.

"Is that thing still alive?"

"Huuhhuuu!" Pyro was quick to forget that Scout was missing and wanted to grab him, making Scout cringe. Spy prevented it.

"Leave him alone, you're going to hurt him." To which Pyro protested, inflating her cheeks under her mask like a little child.

Spy and Scout exchanged a glance. Spy had told him something the day before he didn't understand, but it probably meant that he was allowed to get out of the smoking room and wander. Perhaps he considered that having no freedom of movement wasn't good for him, the proof being that he had escaped the other day. Which was thoughtful of him. Scout was starting to feel he was going mad, being trapped in such a small crate.

"Oh, come on, Spy, don't tell me you've become fond of him." Sniper frowned.

Spy looked around him and saw that Medic was looking at him with a fine, mocking smile. Yes, he supposed that was not like him at all. He had no shame in admitting he disliked most animals and wanted them away from his furniture and suits. He had barely tolerated Medic's doves to that day.

"I just think it is an impressively intelligent specimen that deserves to live." He explained, keeping a straight face.

"He is smart, the little son of a bitch. Look, he even looks as if he's understanding everything we're saying." Demoman pointed at the hare.

«Yeah, queer, ain't it?»

"This platoon could use a mascot. Since the bread monster tried to kill us all the time." Soldier said, grabbing Scout to caress him in such a rough way he jumped off his arms as soon as he could and hid behind Spy. "We could name him Red!"

"Or we could give him some use and train him to follow Scout's trail." Sniper said, glancing at Scout with despise before looking at his teammates. "Any other ideas?"

Silence.

"We will find Scout, wherever he is." Heavy said.

"Yeah. I'll go to Heaven or Hell if it's needed, but I'll come back with him!" Demoman joined him.

"We leave no man behind!" Soldier declared, swelling his chest.

"Yeah, there must be somewhere we didn't look, someone we've overlooked." Engineer nodded. "He couldn't have disintegrated."

"Or could he? I think it is not impossible to erase the flesh and leave the clothes intact!" Medic rose a finger to point out.

«Wow, you guys are gonna make me cry...of how stupid you are! Can't you see I'm right over here?!»

They seemed to be serious about going to whatever lengths to find him...He couldn't give up, either. They were going to get in trouble and even risk their lives for nothing.

The team split again to think in private and Scout, alone, sat on the floor, pensive.

«Okay. So, magic did this to me. What do I know about magic? Nothing, except all kinds of magical creatures've tried to steal my soul every Halloween for a few years now and it doesn't work like in fairy tales...Well, the true love kiss not working doesn't mean nothing will. Hmm...What else happened in fairy tales? Bullshit, like talking birds and...Wait...Talking...Hey! I can't talk to people, but animal can talk to each other?»

Because if he could talk to animals...He could get some help!

He had nothing to lose by trying it. He left the hall and ran to the infirmary. Luckily, the door was still open, because Medic was not doing anything special, just walking around the room, talking to himself under his breath, surely considering the disintegrating thing very seriously from the scientific point of view. He didn't even notice Scout walking in and heading towards the operating table, where three of his doves, Archimedes included, were perched.

The team could ignore him, but not Archimedes.

«Hey! Archimedes, hey! Hey! I'm Scout! The guy in whose chest you like to make your nest? Can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying?»

That was what he intended to say, but it sounded more like a series of squeaks. The birds tilted their heads, flapped their wings a little, looked at him with curiosity, but gave no response. Or perhaps they did answer him and the problem was that Scout didn't speak Dovish.

"Hey, you, get out of here!" Medic, on the other hand, heard him and tried to get him out by pushing him with the foot.

But Scout's brain had tried that thing they called thinking and was starting to take a liking to it. That made him fix his eyes on something hanging near the doves. A bag with blood; he didn't get to read whose. Not that it mattered. He had gotten an idea.

"Eh!" Medic exclaimed when the hare jumped over his foot and ran towards the stand the bag was hanging from. With a headbutt, he knocked it off, then grabbed the bag from the floor with with teeth.

"Give that back! Raus, raus!" Medic was shouting, chasing him all around the room. However, the hare not only didn't stop, but looked at him into the eyes and sank his front teeth into the bag, so he could rip it open.

«Blergh!» Scout fought the retches he was getting and soaked his paws with the blood.

"That's it! I'm dismembering you and sewing your ears in your owner!" Medic threatened aloud.

He grabbed his bonesaw from a table, ready to fulfill his threat in that precise moment, but stopped. His anger vanished quickly when he found sense in the trace the rabbit was leaving all over the floor tiles with the blood on his paws.

C...O...U...

Not taking his eyes off of it, walking backwards, he left the infirmary and ran around the base, in search of his teammates.

"Uh...I think all of you should see this..."

They followed Medic, asking him what the matter was, because that face, in someone who was not easy to impress, could mean nothing good. Medic didn't reply. He was serious about them needing to see it by themselves.

As soon as they stepped into the infirmary, they became frozen, all of them.

Pyro tilted her head till her ear touched her shoulder. Engineer removed his googles, lips parted. So did Sniper, taking off his sunglasses, muttering a profanity. Demoman thought for a second that what he was seeing was a product of an excessive alcohol consumption, until he looked around him and saw that the others were as shocked as he was. Spy's cigarette hanged from his lips for a few seconds before falling to the floor. Heavy's eyebrows furrowed while his eyes opened wide.

SCOUT HERE

Scout underlined the words written with blood on the floor and sat to look at each one of them at the face.

"My God..." Soldier broke the dead silence. "The rabbit knows where Scout is!"

"Urgh! No, Soldier! The rabbit is Scout!" Sniper replied.

Soldier looked at the message, then at the hare, back at the message, back at the hare...

"Scout!" He finally gasped.

They all could have sworn that the animal grinned.

Chapter Text

Engineer left the electric razor aside and removed a few balls of hairs in the way. And it appeared for everyone to see: a Sex Bom tattoo.

Medic muttered something in his language, not taking his eyes off of Scout, not blinking at all. Scout looked around him, in case he needed to ask for help.

"It's you...It's really you..." Engineer shook his head, like it was impossible for him to believe, and looked at Scout once again. "Nod if you are."

The hare in front of him nodded without hesitation. Engineer was a scientist, he had to accept all the evidences: the animal on the table was Scout.

"That means..." Sniper let out a groan, while covering his face with a hand, then leaned forward so he could talk to Scout closely. "Ah, bugger...Look, about the other day...I'm sorry, okay? I-I didn't know it was you, really—Ow!"

Scout had bitten him in the nose.

"Guess I deserve that." Was all Sniper said, to which Scout nodded again.

"The lad's a rabbit...The lad's a rabbit..." Demoman, sat in a corner, drank from the bottle while repeating that like a broken record. At that moment, he turned his eye at Scout and seemed to wake up. "Why the bloody hell are you a rabbit?"

How could he explain? He would need another blood bag.

"Wait." Engineer took him to the computer terminal.

The keys were a little too small for Scout's paw, but they could still make sense from the words he typed.

MERASMUS

"Sure, who else!" Demoman exclaimed.

They all left the room to grab their weapons. There was no need to say what would happen next.

"We'll take care of this, you stay here." Sniper told Scout.

Scout shook his head and thumped.

"What do you intend to do? You can't hold a weapon!"

As a response, Scout opened his mouth and snapped his teeth closed several times. Sniper smirked.

"Yeah, guess you can go for the toes."

He ruffled his head and left, both of them smiling.

Scout looked around, at the now empty room, and his smile faded. There was one he hadn't seen in a long while...

He found him outside, leaning against a wall, lost in thought. Though he had a cigarette in hand, it wasn't lit. Spy turned his eyes at him when he approached, just a few seconds, before averting them quickly.

«Don't worry, Spy, I'll act like none of what happened inside of your private space ever happened.»

Whatever he was thinking, Spy was quick to bury it deep down.

"...It was Merasmus, wasn't it?" He asked, confirming that he had disappeared shortly after his reveal. Scout nodded. "We forgot about him...Big mistake..." He was silent again for a long while, then looked back at him. "As much as I prefer you like this, that you can't talk, we need to return you to normal before the old woman knows about this and can send someone to dispose of you. Because I'm sorry to say that you are adorable but completely useless."

«Yeah, I hadn't thought of that...»

"...I suppose you're coming."

«You bet! I'm giving Merasmus the beating of his life!», Scout nodded, standing on his hind legs to kick the air with his front paws.

Spy nodded slightly.

"Well, I can't prevent you from doing that. You've shown that you are twice as slippery as a hare."

He threw the cigarette away, even if it was untouched, and was about to enter the base. He stopped. Scout thought he was going to say something. Frankly, it seemed like Spy himself thought that, too. But, in the end, he said nothing and simply left the door open a little bit for him to enter and ready, like the others.

Merasmus' life wasn't easy. Thanks to Soldier, he had lost his castle. He owed too much money to the Japanese mafia to be able to get himself a new house. They had kicked him out of that storage box because apparently there were clauses about not living inside of the units and the Bombinomicon counted as a pet. He had found this sleazy boarding house they would kick him out of the very second they found out the treasure he had promised them wasn't real. He couldn't relax and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. But that night he decided it was time to pamper himself a little. He deserved it. The shower he had taken had been freezing cold, but he had used this strawberry-scented soap he had bought at the convenience store down the lane and they had Little Women on the television. He would forget about his sad life for a while, just a while.

He walked out of the bathroom with only the bathrobe on and a towel wrapped around his head and turned on the television. Someone knocked at the door right when his behind was grazing the bed.

"Room service."

"Ah, just in time!" Merasmus smiled as he went to open the door. "Nothing better than a good snack while I—Wait a second..."

The door burst open, sending him to the ground in a very awkward posture which prevented the bathrobe from covering what it needed to cover. Scout hopped on his chest and glared at him with as much fury as a hare could inspire.

"You!" Merasmus exclaimed, seeing him.

"Merasmus! We came to beat you to a pulp!" Announced Soldier, carrying his rocket launcher on a shoulder.

"You did this; you're fixing it." Heavy pointed at Scout.

"Wait...Merasmus..." The wizard babbled.

Demoman was not willing to hear any excuses. He grabbed Merasmus from the collar, forcing him up, and shot him a piercing stare.

"It's for today!"

"Merasmus...Merasmus would, but..."

"But what?!"

"It's just that Merasmus can't revert it!"

"Liar!"

"Demo, Demo, calm down. Let me do this." Soldier softly pushed Demoman aside, so he could grab Merasmus himself and shake him like he was a maraca. "Enough with the bullcrap, Merasmus, and make him human again!"

"Merasmus is telling the truth, he doesn't know how to do it!" Merasmus nervously looked around him, to the other mercenaries who seemed a little more willing to listen, or at least weren't pushing him around. "I know how to curse people but the point is ruining the receiver's life, so there is no counter spell, and if there is, Merasmus has no idea of what it is!"

"There could be no cure?" Engineer exclaimed.

He turned his eyes to Scout, and saw his ears dropping, receiving the news like a blow. He looked back at Merasmus.

"Think well. There must be something."

"Who knows? Uh...Have you tried a true love's kiss?" Merasmus asked.

"Look at him, Merasmus, who could love something so pathetic and wimp?" Soldier replied, making Scout look at him with an offended expression.

"Then I can think of nothing else!"

"He's lying. Let's give him a good one, and see if that makes his mind get to work." Demoman cup his fist on his other hand. Pyro, by his side, let out a high-pitched groan, the tip of her flamethrower pointing at Merasmus' face...

The old man nervously looked around him. Yes, he could expect no mercy...His situation was pretty dire...

"I'm...I'm sorry!" He exclaimed.

And there was a flash of green which blinded them all. When it disappeared, Merasmus was gone.

"Wh—!"

"Where did he go?"

"There!"

He hadn't gone too far. He was at the door, trying to open it without making noise. Seeing that he had been caught, he decided to just run away.

"Don't let him escape!"

Scout had always been the fastest, and now that he was a hare, he was even more. He grabbed Merasmus by biting the back of his bathrobe and struggling to make him stop.

"Leave me alone! Leave me alone!"

A bullet grazed his nose. Spy was shooting at him.

Merasmus extended his arms and a dark portal appeared in front of him. Merasmus crossed it with Scout still hanging from his robe. Spy barely had enough time to cross it before it disappeared in a flash of light—Soldier, which was just a step behind, was left out.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed out of frustration, looking around him, though they were gone, somewhere they couldn't follow...

It was so cold and dark it seemed like they were very deep into the Earth, or somewhere out of God's reach. Only some crystals glowing around with a bright green light helped see where they were, though there wasn't much to see: rocks, cracked soil, and nothing else.

Merasmus could finally grab Scout by the head and toss him away. He extended his arms and his robe was replaced by his usual black tunic, skullhat and staff.

"So you didn't die, huh? You're tougher to kill than I thought. But it's alright. Merasmus will fix his mistake right now..."

He pointed his staff at him and Scout barely had a mili-second to move out of the way before his magic destroyed him. He ran around, while Merasmus shot at him.

There was suddenly a bang, and Merasmus jumped, the staff knocked from his hand. Spy, behind him, was shooting at him.

"I will get to you later, first the annoying rabbit!" Merasmus roared, and rolled a bomb at his feet.

The explosion sent Spy flying.

«Spy!» Scout wanted to run to see if he was alright, but unwillingly gave Merasmus the chance to get him. He recovered his staff and hit him with it in the spine, making him squeal out of pain. Another blow and Scout rolled some meters away, feeling an intense pain which prevented him from getting up. He could only see Merasmus approaching. Not that he looked big from his perspective: he was actually turning massive, and he would crush him under his foot...

More gunshots. With one hand, Spy was holding his stomach, and with the other he had recovered his revolver and was shooting at Merasmus. One of the shots broke one of the horns of his hat.

Merasmus hesitated. It seemed evident that Scout couldn't move, so he decided to change his plans and take Spy out first.

"I have learned the lesson. I will not turn you into an animal, too. You, I am killing you right now..."

And it seemed that was precisely what he was going to do. Merasmus wasn't too bad to deal with when it was the nine of them, but him alone, because Scout didn't count...Spy quickly considered his options and had to admit that things looked pretty grim for them. They were somewhere the team couldn't come. He was wounded and could barely move. Merasmus walked towards him implacable, inevitable...

Scout tried to force himself to get up and help, but a sharp pain sent him back on his stomach.

Spy turned his eyes at him, then at Merasmus.

Ah, damn it all...Since it seemed they had no chance of surviving, he would die fighting his best.

He ignored the pain which made it difficult to move. Feeling his inside ripping with these movements, Spy jumped out of Merasmus' way, not before stabbing him in the chest and ripping. Merasmus let out a gasp, returned to his usual size and held his chest. His robe was too dark to see the blood, but it was starting to drip. He tried to turn around, but before he could do that, Spy stabbed him in the back of the neck.

CRITICAL HIT!!

There was a long, ear-piercing howl, and Merasmus convulsed in the air while shaking his arms desperately, trying to get the butterfly knife off of him.

"CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUU!" He shouted, before he disappeared.

Silence followed.

He would be back. Spy never once thought he had managed to kill him.

He looked for Scout around him before his vision became blurry and fell on his knees.

Chapter Text

«Spy!»

Scout couldn't move his rear paws. It should have worried him, but at that moment that didn't matter. He used his front paws to crawl towards Spy, dragging the rest of his body. He reached his partner and all of his concern was checking if he was alive, touching his face with the tip of his nose.

Thank God, he was. As soon as he felt him, Spy groaned and tried to get up, unsuccessfully.

"Ngh! Jeremy...Are you alright?"

To which Scout nodded, even if it wasn't completely true. «And you?», his eyes seemed to inquire, though he was already seeing that he was not.

"It's okay." He muttered. "Just an internal bleeding, I suspect."

He paid no attention to Scout's expression of concern, it was his spread hind legs which worried him. He made a great effort again to be able to sit on the ground and picked him up. Scout let out a little yelp when he did so. Spy felt him and heard him whine when he touched certain spots. Yes, his spine was broken, he was paralyzed. Nothing Medic couldn't fix, he told himself, though soon he remembered that Medic wasn't around and it was impossible that he could come if he called him.

Scout knew. He didn't need Spy to tell him. Anyway, he guessed he had come out pretty well, considering the unbalanced fight. Spy had taken the worst part.

I thought you were dead for a second, they both thought, though one couldn't say it and the other didn't dare to. But there was one thing they could do. Scout rubbed his nose against his chest, hoping it didn't cause him too much pain, for he seemed to be much in pain already; Spy held him tight and caressed him with much delicacy, he seemed so small and frail…

But he wasn't…He had dared to attack Merasmus even though he didn't stand a chance. That was a bad choice which could have gotten him killed, but, deep down, he admired his boldness…

Scout rose his eyes at him. What now?, Spy understood that he was asking him.

Now…Well, they were still going to die. They were in the Underworld, and now that Merasmus was gone, there was no way to open a portal back to the realm of the living. They were trapped in that place where there was no food, no water, nothing at all; and they were wounded, perhaps critically. It was very likely that they would perish soon—no, it was a certainty.

In spite of the evident, Spy sighed through his nose and gave Scout a calm look.

"We will find a way out of here. Then we will find Merasmus wherever he is hiding now and make him return you to normal."

Scout seemed to hesitate. He didn't show whether he agreed or thought he was just saying that to cheer him up. He simply buried himself deeper into his chest, closing his eyes. And Spy held him closer, shutting his eyes as well.

He wasn't saying that to help him feel better. He wasn't the kind of a man who gave people false hope. He truly meant every word he had said, and more he kept to himself. He would not sit around waiting to die: he would find a way out of this place, even if that meant finding a mean to survive for a whole year until next Halloween came and the two realms became connected; he would put his detective skills to practice and find the wizard wherever he had gone, capture him and torture him with the most twisted methods he knew until he spat out the truth; if it was true that he didn't know how to break the curse, he would meet every damned wizard and witch in the planet, until he found someone who could, and give them whatever they asked in return, beat them and make them in case they refused. And if the team wasn't willing to take the risk, he would do it all alone.

Spy looked at Scout. He was trembling in his arms. It could be the pain or the cold in this place—it was so cold! He removed his jacket and covered Scout with it.

Scout stopped trembling and closed his eyes. For a moment, he felt like this wasn't so bad, like there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Sure, some bad things were going on, but he was in Dad's arms.

Scout never expected Spy to say it aloud. Spy didn't want to, either. He thought he was feeling too numb to feel the soft kiss he left on his tiny head.

They both closed their eyes and rested a little. Perhaps they were losing their consciousness or dying, but they didn't think of it and just let it happen. It felt kind of nice. So nice none of them noticed the changes.

It wasn't like the time when he was turned into a hare. It all happened so quickly but so softly that it didn't interrupt their moment of peace. The ears shrunk. The fur detached from the body and scattered all over Spy's suit, except on top of the head. The arms and legs enlarged, and the proportions changed. The tail retracted into the spine until it disappeared. The fingers and toes became longer, easier to move, capable of manipulating. His little body became so much bigger.

That was how they noticed the change, when it was complete and Spy fell backwards, crushed by a sudden weight. Scout opened his eyes and found Spy looking at him with surprise.

"Wha—?"

It was then when he realized that he had talked with his normal voice. He got off him quickly and felt his chest, then his face, turned his head and looked at his legs. It took him a few seconds to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming or suffering a hallucination caused by pain or brain death. It was none of that. It was true! He was a human again! He was the way he had always been! When it hit him, he let out a big cheer, threw the jacket covering him away and tried to jump up and dance but found he couldn't move his legs, though that didn't spoil his ecstasy.

"I'm back! HAHAHAHA! I'm back! How?! What did just happen?! Wait, who the hell cares?! I'm back! Girls around the world, I'm baaaack!"

He was so happy that he threw himself into Spy's arms to embrace him. He barely reacted.

There was a flash and they were surprised by probably the last person they expected to find there: Medic?

"I finally find you! Do you have any idea of how difficult it is to come to the Underworld out of Halloween time? I had to…Well, that doesn't matter. Just try not to die or get dragged here more than eight times. Souls are not easy to—I mean, where's Merasmus? Is he dead? It's alright, I have been discussing with Engineer the possibility of transferring your mind into a robot—one we can mute, and—"

He stopped upon realizing that his young teammate was back to his original form.

"…Ah. I see we don't need it anymore."

"Nope, not anymore!" Scout was glad to confirm.

"Well, I will build it anyway. Ah, I see Merasmus didn't go down without a fight." He took out his Vaccinator and used it to make Scout abled again and heal Spy, so both of them were finally able to get up from the ground.

"So how are we getting out of here, Doc?" Scout asked, his hands on his hips.

"It is a bit of a long way, we will have to cross a lake of sulfur—we will be fine as long as we ignore the tortured souls trying to drag us to our doom—, then we will reach the Mountain of Pain, where we will have to either fool or fight the terrible Gatekeeper. I know it all sounds terrible, but it's no big deal: our bodies will merely disintegrate then recompose in the realm of the living; a very unpleasant experience, but, hey, we should be back to the base for dinner time. I suggest you to put something on: we will be getting lots of bites."

"Welp…I don't mind putting up with a lil' more shit today." Scout shrugged, and started walking before Medic could show him the way, not hesitating for a second, so tall and firm, so good-looking (he believed), so naked and freezing.

Medic and Spy watched him go.

"Was Merasmus lying? He lifted the curse?"

Spy shook his head.

"What happened, then?"

Spy didn't reply to him, so Medic answered to himself in the end.

"I suppose the spell had some kind of expiration date." He shrugged.

Satisfied with that hypothesis, Medic quickly ran to catch up with Scout because he was seeing he was heading straight to the Bottomless Pit. Spy stayed right where he was. Now that he was alone, he let out a long sigh which contained many different emotions, closing his eyes for a moment, before picking up his jacket from the ground, shaking the dust off of it and following them without a hurry.

Chapter Text

They knocked a few times at the door. Spy, who was wandering around the smoking room with a cigarette in hand, didn't stop to reply: "Go away."

"Spy, it's me. Scout."

"…Come in."

Scout walked in and had the rare consideration of shutting it behind him. The two mercenaries remained silent, avoiding to look at one another to the face, for a very long while, so long one could wonder why Scout had come in and why Spy had let him in. Scout was the first to do something. He cleared his throat and finally seemed to find the words with which to start that conversation so awkward yet so necessary.

"Is…everything okay?"

"Yes. And you? How do you feel?" Spy quickly evaded the question.

"Well, my whole body itches—but I'm fine, yeah. It's sweet to have hands and being able to talk again."

Spy nodded to that response.

"…It's been hard for me, but…Uh…It was thanks to you."

"Me?" Spy rose his eyebrows.

"Yep…"

Spy averted his eyes, taking a drag.

"You jumped in to help and almost got killed because of it. You didn't have to. If it wasn't for you, I'd be a dead rabbit by now."

"Hm. Yes…No problem."

"Don't worry, in five minutes both of us will forget we ever had this conversation. I just wanted to tell you, so you can't say I'm an ingrate and stuff."

"That is very considerate from you."

Silence again. Why was it so difficult for them to maintain a conversation? Why now more than ever?

"Tell me something, Spy." Once again, it was Scout who spoke first, and he did it with a more serious tone of voice, his fine smile disappearing. "If I hadn't made it…If I had never gone back home…What would you have done?"

Spy forced himself to look at the boy into the eyes.

"Why caring about hypothetical scenarios in the past?"

"Would you have taken care of Ma for me?"

Spy didn't reply, and couldn't hold his stare at times.

"…Well…I guess it's true there's no point in going over it again." Scout crossed his arms.

"Yes."

"Anyway, I'll leave you alone with your…whatever you do in here."

Scout was about to leave when Spy stopped him, grabbing him by the shoulder. Scout turned around and Spy got his hand off him like he was burning. He remained with the hand in the air for a second, like wondering what to do with it—like wanting to place it on his shoulder again—, until he changed whatever idea was on his mind, closed it and lowered it.

"You handled the situation extremely well. I am honestly surprised that you managed to survive on your own, with such a disadvantage."

A grin grew on Scout's face.

"Uh…Wait, wait, wait, I think…We need to call Medic. That bomb broke something in your head. You caught some kind of flu in the Underworld. You're delirious." He touched Spy's forehead, like checking his temperature.

"Don't believe me if you don't want, but I am being completely sincere. You did very well, petit lapin."

"I don't know what you just said, but I swear if it's got something to do with rabbits…'Cause the guys are making me sick with rabbit jokes already!"

Spy smiled with malice. "Well, you've only got at least twenty-three more years of rabbit references."

"Hop on and ride, Spy." Scout showed him the middle finger.

That made him chuckle, though, and chuckling he headed to the door. He grabbed the doorknob to close the door, and hesitated for a moment, a very brief moment.

Once the euphoria had disappeared, he had started to question things. There was only one witness to his transformation. He didn't buy that it had just disappeared on its own. Spy knew something. He had to. He knew everything.

He pondered for that fraction of second. Then, he shook his head and walked towards the kitchen, where Soldier greeted him with such a big pat on the back that he almost made him spit his lungs out, which Heavy and Medic witnessed with a smile, and fled from Pyro, who didn't seem to have gotten the memo that he wasn't a bunny anymore and wanted to pet him and dress him up, to answer to Demo's call to go outside and see him explode a few compromising things. Miss Pauling had called that morning, telling them that the land they were in was now legally, officially Redmond Mann's property and would have to leave as soon as possible. Scout had barely heard the news when he ran to town, to the nearest payphone, to call his mother and tell her he would be there for the holidays—and to hear her voice.

Spy would perhaps tell him one day. It would take him long, because that man kept lots, lots of things to himself, and Scout would ask him to tell him not just that: everything.

Spy didn't notice he had consumed his cigarette until it was almost burning the tip of his nose. He left the butt of it inside the ashtray and resumed the walk Scout had interrupted.

He was considering the idea of looking for Merasmus very, very seriously. Whether he would do to him all the things he had sworn to do, he wasn't sure. He wanted answers and needed him to tell him.

He didn't understand what had happened. He went over the scene again and again, and found nothing that could have lifted the curse. He wasn't a wizard. He just made use of some spell books and magazines Merasmus kept around, for self-defense, like the rest of the team did. He didn't have one of those with him that night. He hadn't pronounced any magical words. In fact, he was sure he had said nothing at all. And, of course, he wasn't as stupid as to believe that it all had disappeared on its own.

Have you tried a true love's kiss?

Scout had tried. He had attempted to kiss Miss Pauling and nothing had changed. The only woman who ever loved him was his mother and she wasn't around to kiss him.

…But he had…hadn't he?...

…And…

Spy stopped. Only his soft breathing could be heard around him, until he broke it with a 'huh!', while shaking his head.

Absurd.

It was so absurd he refused to think about it any longer and decided to stop wasting time with pointless, stupid elucubrations and entertain himself with something else. He had spent too much time inside of that dark room by himself, so he reunited with his teammates. That gang of unhinged baboons sure helped distract oneself. Soldier reprimanded him about locking himself up in his private room when there was so much to do; Spy told him to mind his own business. However, he was right: there was a lot of things they had to pack and load in the vans. He started by checking the food they had left.

Even though his team saw him checking every crate and counting the cans, none of them saw his eyes turning to the window, from which he could see Scout and Demo fooling around with the explosives. The detonations and their laughter could be heard just fine from there. They would destroy something more than evidence if they weren't careful. Spy watched Scout have fun like a little boy, bringing joy back to that barren land, unnoticed by him or anyone else—the way it had always been and intended to keep that way forever.

THE END