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The last thing Hamish wanted to do when he got home was talk with his Dad and Papa about sex. But he had no other choice, they were discussing sex and the reproductive system in class the following week and you had to talk to your parents before class on Monday. After Hamish had left his class he had been trying to figure out how to bring up the topic to his parent’s without turning it awkward. Or having a row begin. But nothing was coming to him. He knew that he was screwed.
“Would it really be that bad?” Matt asked him as they walked home from school. It had stopped raining which helped make the walk more enjoyable then having to sprint home.
“You have met my Dad and Papa,” Hamish said as he kicked a rock as they walked back towards 221b. “It will be worse than really bad.”
“What about your Aunt or your Uncle?” suggested Matt.
Hamish chuckled. He didn’t know what was the lesser of two evils. He also wasn’t too keen on talking about sex to his Aunt. “Are you going to talk to your dad?” Hamish asked as he looked over at Matt.
“Who else would I talk to? Not my mum.” He laughed as they reached 221b. Hamish smiled and agreed with Matt. He waved goodbye as he stuck the key into the key hole, turning it he pushed open the door and walked in. He stuck his head in to give his grandmother a kiss and snag a cookie she had made. She told him that his Papa was upstairs and his Dad was still down at work. Hamish thanked her as he walked back out.
He glanced up, and then down. He was going to try his Dad. Finishing off his cookie he jogged down the steps. Knock on the door he stuck his head in. His Dad sat at his desk typing something up on his computer. “Hey Dad,” Hamish said as he walked in.
John looked up from his computer and smiled. “Hey Hal, how was school?”
“Good,” he said setting his rucksack down as he plopped down on the couch. “We started a new unit in health today.”
“Oh, and what is that?” John asked as he took off his glasses and looked at his son. He was waiting for it.
“Sexual reproduction and that stuff.”
“Ah,” John said.
“Yeah,” Hamish said as he pulled out his mobile form his pocket. He needed something to fiddle with as he talked with his Dad. “And we have to umm talk to someone about it and I- yeah.” Hamish explained not really knowing the words to convey what he was trying to get at.
John smiled. He had been preparing for this talk since they got Hamish. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a natural part of our bodies.”
Hamish felt his face turn red. “I know. I do have a room above you and Papa.”
Now it was John’s turn to blush. “Do you want to give me a few, I need to finish up a few things and then we can talk?”
Hamish nodded. Sitting up he grabbed his rucksack. Once he was off the couch he headed back up to their flat. As he walked in he saw his Papa lying on the couch in his thinking position. “Interesting case Papa?” Hamish asked as he toed off his shoes. He set his rucksack down and shrugged off his jacket.
“Noy particularly… I’m trying to figure out the best way to pursue your Dad to take the weekend off to go to Devon with me to get details on a case.”
Hamish smiled as he walked over and took a seat in his dad’s chair. “And when you say with you, you mean for you?”
“Yes,” Sherlock said turning his head and smiling at his son.
“Good luck with that, he looked swamped with work.” Hamish texted Matt and slipped his phone back into his pocket.
Sherlock sat up and looked at his son. “Was your day as boring as mine?”
“Worse.”
“What happened?”
“We are having a… well sex talk in health and they want us to talk about… you know all that stuff with our parents.” Hamish said to his Papa. Why, he didn’t know.
Nodding his head Sherlock looked at his son. “Well its quit simple.” He explained.
Hamish took a deep breath as his Papa began a very long winded lecture about sex. But Hamish looked puzzled as his Papa closed his mouth. He seemed to be at a loss for words. “Well.” He stopped and regrouped his thoughts. “You see.” Sherlock then seemed to resolve himself and began again. “Traditionally copulation referred to the insertion of the male genital into the female vagina. However as you know due to your Dad and myself, other types of copulation can occur.”
Hamish felt his face growing redder every time his Papa said ‘copulation’. He nodded, “yeah, as I’ve told Dad I do have a room above you two.”
But Sherlock was now on a roll and whatever his son just said wasn’t into transmitted into his brain. “Between two males, the male genitalia is inserted in-”
“Sherlock!” John shouted as he stood in the doorway. “I can give the talk.”
Sherlock looked at his husband baffled at the statement. “But I can give him the technical definitions and terms he will need to know.”
“Yes,” John said. “That is what I’m afraid of.”
Sherlock huffed. “Just because you’re a Doctor you think you can give a better explanation?”
John looked at his husband. “Yes, that is exactly what I think,” John told him as he saw Hamish getting up out of the corner of his eye. “Plus I have more experience.”
“And that is my cue to leave…” Hamish said as he was able to walk away when John stopped him.
He narrowed his on his son. “Sit.” Hamish hung his head as he walked over to the couch and sat down. John turned and looked at Sherlock who hung his head as well, sitting down next to his son on the couch. Grabbed the wooden desk chair. Taking a seat he looked at son. “Okay, now sexual reproduction…”
“I know the technical definition dad.” Hamish admitted his Dad.
“I know but there a lot more to it than just sticking a penis into an orifice.” Admitted John to his son who looked more shocked that his dad was talking in such blatant terms than anything else.
“Not really.” Interjected Sherlock.
John turned and looked at his husband. “No commenting Sherlock!” John admonished. “Now, when a man and a woman want to make a child they won’t use protection. However at your age, if you want to have sex… with anyone…” John said as he looked at his son.
“I’m not gay Dad.” Hamish told him.
John nodded as he continued. “You should use protection at all times, not just to prevent a child. Okay?” Hamish nodded at his father. “It keeps your body healthier than, well if not.”
Hamish looked down at the floor, his hands began to fidget as he asked the one question that he was wondering about. “How do you put on a condom?” he asked. John looked at his sun and sputtered a bit.
“Well,” he said as he tried to think of the proper way to tell him. “You first want to make sure that you have lubricant. And then-” John stopped as he decided it would be easier to show his son a condom. Pulling out his wallet John grabbed the one he kept on hand.
“Dad….” Hamish wined as he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know why he kept one on him.
“That’s not important Hamish.” John said stopping his son before he asked to many questions. “What is, is that you know what and how to use this.” Explained John as he tore open the package.
Sherlock rolled his eyes as he stood up and walked over to take the condom from Sherlock. “No, Hamish listen to me.” Sherlock explained to him.
Hamish knew this was going to go bad and fast. Seeing his moment to run he took it. Jumping up from the couch, he grabbed his rucksack and took the steps three at a time. “I have… um homework!” he yelled down the steps.
John looked at Sherlock as he walked out into the hall. “Hamish Lestrade we are not done!”
“But we so are!” Hamish yelled back as he locked his door.
~~~
Hamish woke up the next day to an empty flat. His Papa hadn’t convinced his Dad so they had both headed to Devon that Saturday. Hamish dressed, grabbed his rucksack and headed to the local Starbucks to get his homework done. When he got there Hamish got himself a coffee and a breakfast sandwich before taking home at the table by the front window. Pulling out his computer and books, he plugged in his headphones and began to work.
Hamish’s coffee was about half drunk, the sandwich crumbs laid there on the paper, his playlist a third listened to when he looked up from his History book to see his Uncle Lestrade turning the corner and coming into the store. His eyes grew wide as he buried his head into his book.
Fuck. Hamish thought.
He tried to slouch as his Uncle walked in, looking around and finally seeing Hamish. He smiled as he walked up. Hamish pulled out his earphone. “Hi Uncle Lestrade….” He said hesitantly, a bit curious and a lot worried.
“Hey Hal,” his Uncle said as he took a seat next to his nephew. “Listen your Dad told me that you have to talk about sex in class on Monday, and when you tried to have a talk with them last night things got a bit weird. So he asked me to come and talk to you and see if you have any questions from me.”
Hamish groaned slighting and tried hard to wish he was someplace else. It didn’t work, and he had to sit through an awkward fifteen minute description filled with innuendos and euphemisms. Once he finished Lestrade looked at Hamish, he looked shell shocked. Not only that but his coffee had gone cold Lestrade got up and bought his nephew a new cup.
“Just know Hal that you can be with whoever you see fit.” His Uncle Lestrade told him as he handed Hamish a new cup of coffee.
Taking the cup Hamish looked at his Uncle. Trying so hard not to roll his eyes at him. “I’m not gay Uncle Lestrade.”
He just smiled and looked at his nephew before leaving.
After a few more hours Hamish packed up his rucksack and headed back home. Thinking if he was locked up there he wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else trying to explain to him what he already knew about sex. As he was walking he saw a black car coming up from behind him. No, god please no. Hamish thought as he kept on talking. The black car slowed down as he heard his Auntie talking out of the window. “Hamish, get in it will be a lot easier.” Anthea told him as the car drove along the side of Hamish.
“No.”
“Hamish Lestrade Watson-Holmes get in the car.” Mycroft ordered his nephew. Hamish stopped walking as the car came to a stop. Rolling his eyes, he opened up the door and got in.
“Whatever my dad-”
“It was actually your father who texted me this morning before he left for Devon.” Mycroft corrected as Hamish sat back in the car. “I felt I needed to talk to you.”
“Actually,” Hamish said to him. “It’s really okay you don’t need to.”
“No, I want to. I do want you to know Hamish that it’s fine with whoever you take up with in your personal life.”
Hamish huffed. “I’m not gay Uncle Myccy.”
His Uncle smiled, even Anthea tried to suppress the same smirk. “That’s what your Dad said to.”
“No really-” Hamish stopped as his Uncle went to speak.
“I don’t have much experience with physical and emotional relationships but from looking at your father I know they are quiet rewarding.”
Hamish sunk down in his seat, “oh god please kill me.” he said to himself as the car came to a stop at a light. Hamish grabbed his rucksack and pushed open the door. Making his escape. He told himself that he was going to run till either his Uncle had the car run him over or he collapsed. Whatever one came first.
“Hamish!” He heard his Uncle yell after him. But Hamish was gone. He ran, not stopping, taking a deep breath he turned around a corner and looked to see no car was following him. Placing his hands on his knees he took a deep breath in and stood up. He could always go and try his Uncle Jeff.. After he caught his breath Hamish headed toward his Aunt and Uncles flat.
When he arrived, Hamish took his hand and knocked on the door. He tried not to look upset when his Aunt answered the door. “Is everything okay Hamish?” she asked him.
Hamish nodded. “Yes, my Dads are in Devon and I was… is Uncle Jeff home?” Hamish asked her as he looked down at his shoes.
“No, he is at the A&E.” she told him as she let him come on in. “Is there something I can help you with?” Hamish looked at her as he toed off his shoes and slipped off his rucksack and jacket. She could tell that something was bothering him.
“Yeah. It’s umm. We are doing a unit on sex in health class.” Hamish explained to her as they went to sit down on the couch to talk.
“Ah,” Sarah said as she tried not to laugh. She know understood the hesitation and reservation about talking to her about it. She looked at her nephew for him to talk.
“I’ve tried everyone.” Hamish explained to his Aunt as he titled his head back on the couch. “Papa was to technical. Dad was just, well awkward and then they sent Uncle Lestrade to talk to me. By the end of the conversation I don’t think he even knew what he was talking about. And then there was my Uncle Mycroft.” Hamish explained as he looked at his Aunt. “Enough said there.”
Sarah chuckled. “I understand fully Hal.”
Hamish relaxed a little as he sat back into the couch. “I know how people have sex and the different body parts and all the anatomy to it.” He explained to his Aunt.
“But you want to know when the right time to have sex with the right girl?” Sarah asked Hamish as she pulled her feet under her as she turned to look at her nephew. Hamish looked up from the top of his glasses and looked at his Aunt.
Nodding his head he was shocked how she summed up what he wanted to know about the entire time. “You’re not going to add ‘boys’ to? Everyone else has.”
Sarah looked at Hamish. “Not unless you want me to.”
“No.” Hamish admitted to her.
“It’s hard to know for sure. You have your mind telling you one thing and your heart is telling you something else.” Sarah looked at her nephew as he sat there nodding. He didn’t seemed shell shock, or scared of what she was telling him. “Listen to what your mind is telling you. It’s using logic while your heart is not. I know that’s what I did when I dated a man named…Don.” She said hoping that it sounded smoother coming out of her mouth than it did in her head.
“Don?” Hamish asked as he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, he was just some associate at work. He was a bit like your Dad.” Sarah explained.
“Oh.”
Clearing her throat Sarah went on with her story. “When we were dating I thought I was ready to have sex with him, my heart certainly thought so. But my mind began to see the other details. Even when he was with me he would always be waiting for something else. And his friend,” Sarah paused. “His friend would always date crash and Don always seemed to look happier around his friend than he ever did when he was around me. So I decided that though I was ready, he wasn’t. And so I decided not to.”
“What did Don say?” Hamish asked.
“I think he was sad at first, but then his friend called and he was gone. We decided to end the relationship shortly after.”
“Oh… did Don and his friend start a relationship?”
Sarah paused, “eventually. Now he has a kid too I think. I’m happier for him. But then when I met your Uncle Jeff everything felt right.”
“Your mind and heart agreed?”
“Yes, right away to.”
Hamish looked down at his hands. “Aunt Sarah, is it okay to love someone and not be ready?”
“Yes Hamish, don’t think that you have to have to sex if you aren’t ready. A relationship is more than physical actions like sex. It’s about knowing the other person, there likes, dislikes, the little things that make them smile in a bad day.” Sarah told Hamish as she put a hand on his knee.
“Like when your Uncle Jeff goes away for conferences I write him notes and sneak them in one of his trouser pockets. Things like that is what makes a relationship. Things like that make a relationship. Honestly, trust, caring more for the other person than yourself is also a major part of the relationship as well.” Sarah looked at her nephew.
“Don’t ever think you have to do something you are not ready to do. But when you do have sex, know it’s a very emotional and life changing experience.”
Hamish sat back and never really thought about it like that. “Did you wait for Uncle Jeff?”
“We dated for several months. But we didn’t do it all the time like a lot of couples do. It was something special and when we first decided to partake in-”
“You can say sex Aunt Sarah.” Hamish said. “It’s better than what Uncle Lestrade or Papa said.”
Sarah chuckled. “When your Uncle and I had sex for the first time we had built up the trust, and it was more than a psychical relationship. As well as other factors played into it that evening as well.” Hamish looked at her. “Hamish, don’t ever feel you can’t come to me or your Uncle. If you chose to have sex now, and you feel awkward going to your dad or father for protection. Please.” Sarah said as she put a hand on his knee, “Call me or your Uncle for protection. I rather you be safe than stupid.”
Hamish nodded. Thanked his Aunt and gave her a hug. She told Hamish to call and his Uncle would be able to help with any other questions. Hamish knew he would take her up on that offer. He grabbed his things and got his shoes and coat on. Grabbed the tube and headed home.
As he walked in he saw that his Dads were home, earlier than he thought, and were snogging out on the couch. Luckily they had pants on this time. Hamish moaned as he rolled his eyes as they both shot, both grabbing their shirts off the ground and shoving them back onto their bodies.
“Thank you for sending Uncle Lestrade and Uncle Myccy on me.” Hamish said as he walked into the kitchen to get a water bottle.
Sherlock looked at John as he buttoned up his shirt. “Sarcasm?”
John nodded.
“So I was first embarrassed by Uncle Lestrade in Starbucks, I feel sorry for his children if he gave that talk to them. I was then kidnapped by Uncle Myccy and had to run from the car to get away from that awkward conversation. Mind you the car was moving as I ran,” Hamish said walking back into the living room. “I ended up going to Aunt Sarah’s and talking to her. She told me this story about a guy named Don she dated, and how he ended up with someone else but she was happy they never had se. For Don now has a kid with his partner.”
John and Sherlock looked at each other and said nothing.
“But I think I get it now. About when it’s the right time to have sex.”
“And when is that?” John asked as he leaned against Sherlock to listen to what their son had to say.
“When you love someone and your heart and mind are telling you the same thing.” Hamish said as he toed off his shoes and kicked them by the door. “How was Devon?”
“Boring.” Sherlock said. “But it’s gotten better, and Hal you will need your earplugs tonight.”
“Sherlock!” John yelled as he hit his husband. Hamish giggled as he went upstairs to do homework and relax, leaving his parents to argue and eventually go back to what they were doing.
Plopping down on his bed Hamish was about to start his homework when he got a text from Matt.
Most awkward conversation with my dad ever. How did it go on your end? – Matt
It was… interesting-Hal