Chapter Text
Andromeda's reputation was based off a variety of different things. Being a couples counselor was not one of them.
It had been some months since their escapades in Brost, the party collectively deciding to travel along the eastern roads since none of them had any desire to run into Mother Selinka members on the Sword Coast. Especially considering some of them, Andromeda included, had their faces plastered all over Mother Selinka wanted posters.
Bongo had been the one to suggest venturing through the Storm Horn mountains, an area far enough from Waterdeep where Mother Selinkas had no business, and one that was part of Cormyr, a kingdom that had no previous bad experiences with the party and therefore had no suspicions about what they may or may not do. Although that probably wouldn't last very long.
It was no secret that Cormyr was known as the land of the Purple Dragon, and that the Storm Horn mountains were known to have raging thunderstorms and peaks that pierced the clouds in the sky. Andromeda had a feeling that the party might end up accidentally stumbling upon one of Bongo's relatives up there, which was fine by her so long as Bongo didn't involve the rest of them in whatever exchange would undoubtedly occur.
Despite all their bravado, Andromeda highly doubted that anyone in the party could go up against a fully grown dragon and live to tell the tale. At least, not yet.
What the party was supposed to do, was to briefly stop at Elversult, restock their supplies, have a drink or two, and then move on from the bustling trading town that had walls with ears.
But doing what they were supposed to had never been something they were particularly good at.
The elegant Moonstorm house, nicknamed "Ladytowers" by the Elversians, had been the home to each ruler of Elversult for centuries. It was also home to numerous ancient relics, some cursed, some enchanted and some that were simply used as unique decorations. Every single one of them would sell for more than all of their belongings combined.
If they didn't want people to take their magical, extravagant relics, why in the Gods' names were they out on display, in a mansion that had no official guards and was open to visitors? They were practically inviting thieves in at this point.
The town's lack of wariness towards outsiders probably came from Elversult's long history of priding itself on having low crime rates and having honest, good-natured citizens. Which should've put the odds in their favour and made this entire ordeal significantly easier.
It seemed fate had had other plans.
Andromeda and Allowyn had gone to introduce themselves to the current ruler with open arms, charming smiles and the intention to provide such pleasurable and interesting company that no one would even think to check on any odd noises or strange sounds.
She didn't have complete faith in Allowyn's persuasive skills, but if Elversult favoured heroic individuals, then he was the best man to bring with her. They had left the stealth part to the experts, with Kallith and Ren'ya lurking around the mansion's inner chambers, and the fighting to their muscle, with Bongo and Tanelye stationed in the outer courtyard just in case. Bog had stayed back in the cart as per usual.
Andromeda had just begun to pluck the strings of her lyre, preparing to play a romantic piece when the sound of the ornate double doors of the throne room bursting open had interrupted her, and Kallith, Ren'ya, Tanelye and Bongo had been unceremoniously hauled in by disgruntled guards.
The current ruler of Elversult, a bejeweled, self-righteous woman by the name of Rurvei Civisur, hadn't taken to it kindly.
"Have you no honour? No pride? Do none of you ignorant scoundrels ever consider how important relics are to a noble bloodline's history?" Rurvei's lips were pulled into a scathing sneer, an immediate switch from the amused smiles she had sent Andromeda's way just moments before.
Ren'ya's hand twitched, lifting ever so slightly to her waist where numerous daggers were concealed under her cloak. Allowyn nudged her gently, a small reminder that murdering a well-known ruler wasn't the best idea. Technically, they could brute force their way out of this if it came down to it. But being branded as criminals and chased out of Elversult would ruin any chances of them receiving a warm welcome in the next town they stopped at, let alone travelling through Cormyr with a low profile.
Kallith snorted quietly next to her and muttered a snarky comment under her breath, clearly unimpressed. "I wasn't aware that nobles would care so much if a singular ruby went missing from their luxurious mansion. What, d'you need it on your bedside table to sleep at night with?"
Andromeda did her best to shoot the tiefling a glare while keeping a polite expression, her smile turning into more of a strained grimace. If these idiots were going to go and get themselves caught, then the least they could do is let her do the talking. Execution was very much legal in Elversult, and Andromeda wasn't about to end up being given a death sentence because of Kallith's big mouth.
Rurvei's head snapped towards them as she heard Kallith's remark, her scornful expression faltering for a moment before she promptly burst into tears.
"No one cares if it goes missing now, do they? Apparently trade routes are more important than everlasting love these days, by the Gods!" Rurvei sunk into her throne, swatting away a servant that offered her a silk hankerchief and burying her head in her hands. "Lady Yanseldara must be rolling in her grave at this, while the rest of my ancestors curse my name!"
The six of them glanced at each other awkwardly, unsure of what the appropriate response would be upon seeing a prestigious and well-respected figure having a mental breakdown over a gemstone.
And this is how Andromeda ended up comforting Elversult's ruler over an extremely messy break-up in order for the party to be able to walk out of Moonstorm house without any of them having brand new wanted posters.
"It was going to be a marriage of unity! A sign of peace! The heir to the ruler of Proskur, and the current ruler of Elversult, bound together to show the strength of our alliance! But she got engaged to a merchant! What could a merchant possibly have that I don't?!"
Bongo let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like the words "More than one ruby", and Tanelye made a strangled noise that sounded a bit too much like a laugh, her face starting to turn slightly red.
Andromeda thinks she deserved an award for the amount of self-control it took to not give them both a criminally offensive sideeye and instead kept her gaze on the distraught ruler, her voice smoother than the velvet seat of the throne. "I'm sure this merchant could never compare to someone as ravishing as you, my lady. Perhaps his reputation exceeds him. Your lover must not be in the right state of mind to have made this decision."
Rurvei suddenly sat up straight, her brow furrowing in thought. "His reputation does exceed him. But perhaps if his reputation were to crumble, then..." She regarded the six of them intently, her lips curling up into a smile that showed far too many teeth. "I may be willing to overlook this little incident, if you would all indulge me for a bit."
Andromeda bowed deeply, ignoring Kallith's derisive scoff. "That is most gracious of you, my lady. And pray tell, what would have you us do to indulge you?"
She leaned forward, tapping her nails against the armrests of her throne impatiently. "To announce their engagement, this merchant is hosting a "Lovers Ball" in Proskur, a town north-west of here. The bastard dared to invite me, but I will not stand for his insolence."
Rurvei snapped her fingers, and a servant came forward, holding two pieces of parchment with a detailed wax seal on both of them. "Each guest may bring their lover, if they have one. One or two of you may go in my stead, I don't care who. But you must ruin his reputation. Let rats run through the dance floor, plant stinkweed all over the place, put gelatinous cubes in the food, the more you sabotage, the better. By the end of the night I want him to be so humiliated that he never shows his face anywhere in Cormyr ever again."
The servant handed Andromeda the pieces of parchment, giving her a look of pity for being tangled up in one of her master's many schemes. Andromeda took them and nodded, raising her other hand to her chest to express her utmost sincerity. "Of course, my lady. His mistakes will be the talk of the townsfolk by the next morning."
Rurvei waved her hand at them dismissively, her distress from earlier already fading into glee at the thought of exacting her revenge. "I should hope so. Now go, be on your way to Proskur. I look forward to hearing all about it."
A guard made to escort them out of the room, but quickly stepped back when Ren'ya shot him a venomous glare. They all trudged out to the cobbled courtyard, the centre piece being a massive marble statue of Lady Yanseldara and her wife Lady Vaerana that loomed above them, with myrtle trees planted in a spiral around it.
The two women were depicted in a lovers embrace, their eyes gazing into the others with disturbingly intimate expressions for something that had been chisled into existence from marble. Andromeda felt a lot like they were mocking her in some way, for their outrageous attempt to steal from the mansion that was built in honour of their glorious, everlasting love.
Kallith glanced at the statue as well, her expression a mixture of interest and irritation. "Nice work back there. Being able to kiss the bejeweled boots of nobles comes in handy a lot, huh? You should've offered to wipe her pompous asscheeks too, maybe then she would've let us keep the ruby."
Andromeda merely raised her eyebrows in response, tilting her head at the rogue. "Well at least I was able to do my job properly. Would you care to explain how all four of you managed to get caught?"
Kallith gestured towards a particularly grumpy looking Ren'ya. "Don't look at me. Ask our expert spellcaster over there."
Ren'ya's expression soured even further when everyone turned to look at her and she averted her eyes, muttering moodily under her breath. "......I cast the wrong spell."
Kallith snorted. "It was a bit more than just casting the wrong spell. Instead of teleporting items, it teleported people. And a dragonborn in a room full of gemstones and antiques is like a bull in a ceramic market."
"Hey, c'mon, it's not like I wrecked the place," The dragonborn in question folded his arms across his chest defensively at Kallith's words, not liking how the conversation was quickly veering into making-fun-of-Bongo terrority. "I was just caught off guard."
Tanelye slung an arm around Ren'ya's shoulders and grinned at him, Andromeda noting with both amusement and mild disgust how the drow begrudgingly relaxed into the touch. "I'd say caught off guard is quite an understatement. You managed to smash three vases with your tail alone when you fell over."
She snickered at the image that came to mind as Kallith looked back at her, a smirk tugging at the tiefling's lips while Bongo spluttered indignantly.
Allowyn came to his rescue, interrupting their bickering to point out their current predicament. "We were headed towards Proskur on our journey anyways, which is good, but I don't suppose anyone here has experience with fancy balls?"
There was silence for a moment, before Andromeda couldn't resist the urge any longer. "Well, that depends on what type of balls you're talking about."
Allowyn rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his face when Tanelye burst out laughing, the sea elf's gills pulsing as her throat moved.
Kallith punched her shoulder lightly, a gesture of playful affection that Andromeda hadn't fully gotten used to yet.
The stand-offish tiefling had never been one to get close to others, even when joining the party she had kept herself at a distance. The closest Kallith got to being open with them was when they were all piss drunk in a tavern. Beyond witty comments and snarky quips, in the early days of their adventures they had rarely seen her express herself fully.
Allowyn had been worried that Kallith didn't feel comfortable around them, or that he had accidentally offended her in some way, but Andromeda assured him that it wasn't his fault. She had assumed that the rogue's general disinterest in having an actual conversation came from Kallith having a giant stick up her ass.
So whenever Kallith refused to appreciate any of Andromeda's well-timed, immaculate and hilarious statements, it got on her nerves more than she'd like to admit.
While Ren'ya's lack of social skills came from her distrust and dislike of most other people, Kallith's weren't anything personal, although that had taken Andromeda several arguments to realise. There was something else stopping the tiefling from letting herself grow close to those around her, and it had irked her since they had first met.
She had insisted on sidling up to the rogue with a shit-eating grin whenever she got the chance, determined to poke fun at Kallith until she either laughed or threw a punch at her, whichever came first. And through several terrible jokes, provocative insults and reluctant compliments, the two had forged a lasting friendship.
And bit by bit, Kallith had started to crack open, the distance between them slowly shrinking. There were shared glances, brief nudges, small moments where she had let Andromeda stay by her side without pushing her away, moments that meant a lot more to Andromeda than she had thought they would.
Allowyn cleared his throat to get their attention again. "Perhaps I should phrase my question a little differently. Two of us have to show up as guests for this ball. Polite, distinguished guests. Who here knows noble etiquette?"
"The thing is, if two of us go, then whoever those two are will have to go as lovers." Bongo pointed out, the dragonborn not looking particularly thrilled about this fact.
Andromeda considered volunteering Tanelye and Ren'ya for the job, just to see them dance awkwardly around each other's painfully obvious feelings, but decided against it. While it would be hilarious to watch, Ren'ya had the charm of a dark age executioner and Tanelye had lived at the bottom of the ocean for most of her life. Asking them to try and make pleasant conversation with the upper class would only end in yet another disaster, and she didn't want to piss off more than one noble per day.
Kallith seemed to have the same idea as she glanced over at the two of them, but Tanelye was already shaking her head. "I've got two left feet on the dancefloor, and I know absolutely nothing about the current fashion trends. I'd be better at uppercutting someone than I would be at flattering them."
Ren'ya's eyes narrowed to slits, the look on her face daring one of them to attempt to convince her to go anywhere near a ballroom. "Why don't we just send in our token bootlicker and her pickpocket shadow? Andie can inflate this merchant's ego until his head is big enough for Kallith to pop it open with a knife. You can't exactly marry a filthy stain on the floor."
Andromeda didn't dignify the not-so-subtle jab at her and Kallith with a response. Calling the tiefling a shadow was rich coming from someone who only ever went out in public if it meant she could follow Tanelye around.
The sea elf winced slightly at her companion's gory suggestion, while Allowyn looked openly appalled at the mere thought of it. "Ren'ya! Good heavens, we aren't hired killers! We're not going to murder him!"
The drow stared back at him unapologetically. "Why not? He sounds like a complete ass."
"Let's not forget that everything we know about this guy is what Rurvei told us," Bongo cut in, his expression hardening. "For all we know, she could be the one at fault in this story of hers."
Kallith rolled her eyes, her patience wearing thin. "Whether she's to blame or not, that doesn't change the fact that we have to see this through. Without any more targets being placed on our back. If it's too much to ask of you to carry out a task that doesn't involve killing someone, then don't bother sticking around."
Ren'ya scowled at Kallith, her lip curling in distaste as she pushed Tanlye's outstretched hand away. "Fine by me. You can all discuss how to meatride the noble classes by yourselves. I'm going back to the cart."
Tanelye watched her stalk out of the courtyard before turning back to Andromeda and sighing. "Some of us can still help out from the outside too. If you and Kallith manage to sweet-talk your way close to this merchant and figure out how we can ruin his party, I'll be ready to dump fish over his head or smash a window or whatever else has to be done."
She wasn't surprised by Tanelye's earnestness, but it annoyed her slightly to see the sea elf's willingness to try and make up for Ren'ya's mistakes. Sometimes Andromeda wants to shake Tanelye by the shoulders and tell her to stop doing good in another person's name, tell her that it won't fix any of her own problems. But she knows damn well that her friend wouldn't listen and would just stubbornly insist that she has to do enough to erase whatever big mistake she made in the past.
Andromeda won't argue, because she herself doesn't know exactly what enough looks like. None of them do.
Allowyn nodded in agreement at Tanelye's words and Bongo shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind what you want me to do as long as I don't have to entertain any nobles."
She shifted her gaze to Kallith and extended her hand out to her, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well then, it appears the two of us will have to be lovers for tonight. Kallith Nethlista, would you do me the honour of accompanying me?"
Seeing the rogue's rather unenthusiastic expression, Andromeda quickly added, "I'm sure no one would notice if a few valuables happened to go missing amidst the chaos that will inevitably occur this evening."
Kallith offered her a grin that displayed sharp teeth and an even sharper tongue as she took Andromeda's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Why of course, I'd be delighted to go to this ball with none other than my dearest, most insufferable bard."
Andromeda pressed a soft kiss against her hand, and wondered if she had imagined the way Kallith's face flushed ever-so-slightly.