Chapter Text
When a monster stopped behaving like a monster, did it stop being a monster? ~Grace Ling
James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes (1925-present day) || 107th Regiment/Howling Commandos || Under influence of HYDRA (1945-2015) || Master hand to hand combatant, and martial artist, Gifted advance scout, Use of military weapons and throwing knives, Expert assassin and spy, Via cybernetic left arm: Superhuman strength, Enhanced reaction time, Energy projection, EMP discharger, Holographic projector || Visible Injuries: Black eye, multiple cuts across face, damage to right hand. Other Injuries: Emotional distress, cracked ribs (2)
Steve Rogers sat with Bucky's file open on the floor in front of him. The two pictures - one of Bucky during military boot camp in his uniform and another taken the day before - made him want to throw up. The contrasts were almost ironic; there was a smiling, clean faced boy in the first photograph. The edges of the picture were frayed and the wrinkles on the top show the 70 year gap between the taking of the picture and now. That was the Bucky Steve knew, the Bucky Steve went home to every night before the god forsaken war that ripped them apart.
But the second picture showed Bucky differently. He was vulnerable, scared almost with long hair, bearded face and cuts on every visible part of his shirtless torso. It was supposed to be a police styled photo, stating the date and time of Bucky's surrender but it ended up just being the knife to twist in Steve's chest. Steve knew HYDRA wasn't pleasant to his Bucky, but he didn't want to know just how unpleasant they were. The majority of the injuries visible on Bucky were old, were from when he was still in HYDRA. Doctors managed to say they were from fists, weapons, poles and machinery.
Not only did they turn Bucky into someone new, they tortured him.
The other cuts and scraps were from living on the streets the past five weeks. His cracked ribs were from the S.H.I.E.L.D security slamming him too hard on the ground, even after he held his hands up and got onto his knees without order. The emotional distress... people could only guess what that was from.
But Steve knew because Steve knew Bucky like the inside of his hand. Steve knew that the emotional distress was from HYDRA and from S.H.I.E.L.D and from running and from Steve because Steve's sitting opposite him and just staring. That's why Bucky's almost mirroring his position; against a wall, knees drawn up to his chest, arms resting on his knees and his breathing steady but whilst Steve is looking at Bucky, Bucky has his head down. Away from stares and away from prying eyes that are on the other side of that one-way glass.
Neither have spoken in the past hour that Steve had sat down. He hadn't dressed in his uniform, didn't bother to when he got the call because his best friend has turned himself in and Steve loved him and wanted to be there and if it weren't for Sam he would have left in his sweats. Steve had dressed normally, in jeans and a sweatshirt, and when he first walked in the room Bucky didn't recognize him but that blonde hair and those blue eyes were still as charming as the 1900s.
It was Bucky's Steve. Even bigger than since the train, broader in the shoulders and there was more muscle in the arms but it was his Steve. The one who had asthma attacks in the middle of the night; who lied repeatedly on his forms and who put his life in danger on the off change that Bucky wasn't already dead.
Steve sighed, closing the damn file and sliding it away from him. Talking wasn't going to work, he knew that much. Bucky had always been stubborn and when they were kids he would sit exactly like that when he wasn't willing to speak. Steve racked his brain desperately trying to think of what used to work.
At 8 he would lay down in front of Bucky and wiggled his head between Bucky's arms until he had his head craned onto Bucky's knees. It always got a smile out of him, a laugh and then they would be back to normal. At 16 Steve would stand up in front of Bucky, hand outstretched and within seconds Bucky was standing up and they were normal. At 20 he would sit next to Bucky, rest his head on his the bigger man's shoulder and stay until Bucky reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. Then the war happened and they couldn't afford moments like that because they were in charge and then Bucky was 'dead' and then Steve crashed the plane into the ice and everything was over.
Steve stood up, rolled his shoulders as he walked towards Bucky and then sat down, his side pressed against Bucky's like those nights in that freezing cold apartment. HE felt the cool of the metal and the warmth of Bucky's actual skin when he lent his head against his shoulders, breathing in that scent that was Bucky.
Five minutes passed, nothing.
Ten minutes passed, Bucky was no longer tensed.
Fifteen minutes passed and Bucky nestled his cheek against the top of Steve's head.
Thirty minutes later and Bucky held out his hand, the metal one, before trying to tug it away when he saw the metal but Steve was quicker and held on, slipping his fingers between Bucky's and clutching on like his life depended on it.
"Bucky." Steve whispered watching as Bucky's metal hand held onto his too. "You don't need to worry any more. S.H.I.E.L.D isn't HYDRA."
There was nothing in response but Steve wasn't expecting anything. He sighed again, a content one this time, before pressing his forehead to Bucky's shoulder and closing his eyes. "It's okay Buck."
An agent came in forty minutes later in which time neither super soldiers had moved. She apologised but said that Steve had to leave. Steve nodded, standing up but Bucky kept a hold of Steve's hand until Steve croached back down and whispered softly: "I'll be back tomorrow. You're safe here Buck. I promise."
He got a squeeze of the hand in return and then Steve watched as the same agent, a lot smaller than Bucky it was almost funny, cuffed Bucky's hands behind his back and escort him out the room. Sam Wilson (Falcon) was stood outside S.H.I.E.L.D, leaning against a flashy car Steve can only presume he 'burrowed' from Tony.
"You alright?" Sam asked as Steve took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder. "We saw everything," Sam continued anyway. "you know, security cameras and all that. Stark got it up on the holotable and... do you mind?"
Steve shook his head. "He didn't say anything."
"But it kind of seemed like a private moment." Sam replied bringing out his phone and showing Steve a still of what was supposed to be Steve trying to get through to Bucky, trying to make him speak. It was of the moment Bucky reached for Steve's hand. "How'd you know that'd work?"
"I didn't." Steve shook his head, turning away from the phone. "We used to... he always sat like that back before the war. Since we were kids he was stubborn like that. That was how I managed to get him calmed down back then. I took a shot in the dark. That's all."
Sensing Steve was getting emotional Sam nodded towards the car. "We have around an hour before Jarvis rats us out to Stark. Wanna get burgers or something?"
***
The next three days were just like the first. Steve would wait for a while and then move into that familiar position. Each day it took a shorter amount of time for Bucky to reach towards Steve, and each day he held on just a little bit tighter. But Day 4 was different. Bucky was stood up, looking at the one-way glass with a blank look on his face and his metal arm hid behind his body.
Steve, in sweatpants and an old baseball jersey stood at the door for a moment; unsure on how to deal with this new posture. Bucky looked at him this time, his eyes drifting to the jersey before the assassin snorted and his lips tugged up. "You fucking suck at baseball." His voice was thick and gruff but the playful tone was the same as when they were fifteen and trying to see how many home runs they could get in the park.
"You had a crap throw." Steve retaliated, sitting down his beginning position under the one-way glass. Bucky looked like he was debating whether or not he should sit or move. He stood for a while before moving, still hiding his arm, until he was under the glass with Steve and he had his head on Steve's shoulder and his hand reaching for Steve first. After that they didn't speak again, just drank in the silence and Steve couldn't help but notice that Bucky looks like he hasn't ate since he got here even though Steve knows S.H.I.E.L.D has given him good food because Steve didn't back down and forced Coulson to make sure they did.
After two hours Steve was told he had to go again but this time there were no handcuffs - Bucky wasn't going to attack - so Steve stopped them at the door and held onto Bucky's shoulders. "Eat, okay?" He got a nod and then they were separated.
On Day 5 Steve had to go on a mission and he came back late, with just ten minutes left of the time S.H.I.E.L.D was allowed to give them. He was in his uniform and sweaty and in need of a shower and his face was cut but none of that mattered when he walked into the room and saw that Bucky looked ready to have a panic attack. He was in front of Bucky in a second, forcing him to look up at Steve and the relief on his face made his heart swell in his chest. Bucky's eyes zoomed into the cut on Steve's temple. In fact he rolled his eyes so hard that only the whites for visible.
"It isn't from a back alley this time." Steve grumbled a minute later as Bucky cleaned the cut up. "I swear. It was actually in the government hall of a country."
"What, you been promoted or something?" Bucky's voice has slowly started to get less scratchy on his throat.
Steve chuckled and looked up at Bucky, grinning from ear to ear. "I keep 'em on the ropes Buck."
"Punk."
***
Day 6: Bucky ate a burger and two packets of chips in front of Steve and they were allowed to use a normal S.H.I.E.L.D break area instead of the grimy interrogation room.
Day 7: They had the TV on and music was playing even though they weren't paying attention. Bucky talked more frequently but his answers were still blunt. He let Steve sit him on the counter of a bathroom and shave his face.
Day 8: Bucky got a hair cut. He looked more like the Bucky from the first picture.
Day 9: Bucky smiled and laughed at Steve's stories.
Day 10: Bucky wakes up in the midst of a panic attack, drenched in sweat and crying out for Steve. He nearly attacked the smaller agent when she came in to calm him down and insisted the next day that he gets cuffed during Steve's visit.
Day 11 & 12: Steve was on yet another mission and Bucky was put into medical after his panic attacks became more frequent.
Day 13: Steve was furious that nobody told him about the transfer but Bucky just rolled his eyes, called him a jerk and then asked if it was alright if he went to sleep.
Day 14: S.H.I.E.L.D let Tony Stark into the room with Steve. He didn't speak, just watched Bucky and Steve play some old card game that never seemed to end with an obvious winner. He found it hard to believe that this man, this vulnerable-child-like man could be responsible for the death of his parents. Even though there was no evidence that Bucky did it, people insisted that he had killed Howard and Maria. He considered dropping charges but when he brought it up with Coulson he was told it was too late.
Day 15: Bucky was standing in front of the jury. It was a private court, only himself, his lawyer, Stark and his lawyer, the jury and Nick Fury. It was confusing and hard to follow; it seemed that Stark was contradicting everything his lawyer said and Bucky began to hate the future (technically the present) more than he already did. He wasn't allowed to speak (he wasn't going to), he wasn't allowed to move (where the fuck was he supposed to even go?) and most importantly, he wasn't supposed to give off anything that might suggest he did it.
Day 16, 17 & 18: Steve, Sam and Natasha were allowed in the courtroom. Not much changed.
Day 19: It became a public court date.
Day 20: This was it. The final decision. Bucky stood again, answering questions when directed at him and it took three hours. And just as they were about to hear whether Bucky was guilty or not - Steve was actually on the edge of his seat - Tony Stark stood up and stopped everything. "I'm dropping charges." Everyone fucking rioted. Stark's lawyer was shouting at him, Bucky's lawyer was just as confused and Steve looked ready to cry because this means Bucky can get on with recovering. It took another thirty minutes for Stark to roll his eyes so much and be just the right amount of sarcastic until the judge stated Bucky not guilty and slam his hammer down. Bucky croached down, head in his hands and a sob racking through his body because he's innocent and then Steve was jumping over that wooden fence thing and hurling himself past security and towards Bucky who just wrapped himself round the blonde punk and cried into his shoulder. He felt cold tears against his neck and then they were laughing because they were idiots after all.
Day 45: Bucky left S.H.I.E.L.D and moved into Avengers Tower. It felt like some kind of glamour at first. But on day 50 he was relaxed and he was Bucky from before the war.
Steve was right on Day 1: S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't HYDRA