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He couldn't believe it. Zero had forgot about his birthday. Jude would have thought his lover would be eager to wish it to him when they had shower together this morning, but no, nothing. Nada. Rien du tout. Zero had rode with him to the Arena but hadn't said anything to Jude in regards to his birthday. Birthday that way today.
Well, maybe Zero would remember sometime throughout the day and would stop by his office to wish him a happy birthday. At least that's what Jude hoped for all day, but when at four thirty he saw Zero hadn't stop by his office. Jude had to conclude Zero really had forgotten about today being Jude's twenty sixth birthday. Jude never thought he would be so disappointed and hurt that Zero had forgotten. And yet it's exactly how he felt when he drove home alone (Zero having left on his own earlier it seems). When he got to his apartment there was no sign of his lover, which was the weirdest thing as Zero had been practically living with him since they'd gotten back together.
When he got into his bedroom he found a small note on the bed that his lover had left. Jude had no clue.
Jude , I'm sorry, t raining was very intensive today. I decided to go back to my place instead . I'll see you tomorrow. Love, wifey!
“Okay.” Jude mumbled, undressing. This was getting so weird. Why hadn't Zero stayed here instead? He did came by to leave that note so… Jude didn't get it. He could've showered and then relaxed here and they could have spent the night together celebrating. Jude didn't even care about going out as long as he could celebrate his special day with his man. Sighing he locked himself in the bathroom and took a long hot shower, which he clearly needed in order to relax all his tensed muscles. While letting the hot spray massage his shoulder and neck he couldn't stop wondering why.
Why had Zero went back to his place today of all day? He'd had intensive trainings before and usually when that happened he'd prefer to come back to Jude's where he knew Jude would take care and pamper him, something he secretly loved but would never say out loud. It still didn't mean Jude wasn't totally aware of it though.
Second, why had Zero forgotten his birthday? He'd never have before they got together and Jude was still just only working for him.
Why? Of all people to forget about him, why Jude had to now count Zero amongst those too? Wasn't he important enough to his boyfriend? Or was it that Zero's feelings for him were slowly disappearing? Was it what was really going on? Jude asked himself feeling suddenly sick.
The more the question rang in his head and the more he felt like puking. If Zero was indeed moving on and would in the end leave him Jude was afraid he wouldn't be able to move on this time. He would never be able to get over the blond. He was in too deep. He loved him way too much and this time his eyes wouldn't never be able to adjust anymore and his heart wouldn't never piece itself together after breaking a second time because of Gideon.
“Calm down...” Jude commanded himself, hands against the tile wall of his shower. Head bent down he let the water run freely over his head, trapping his face and ears in a waterfall of misery and incomprehension. Trying his best to calm down his heartbeats, he managed breathing a bit slower through his nose and mouth. “Calm down, Jude. Freaking out won't help. Focus and calm down.”
He repeat those words until he felt himself calm down and come out of his start of panic attack. What was happening to him? Never before had anything or anyone been able to shake him like the thought of Zero leaving him had just did. And all of this because his lover had forgotten about his birthday. Getting out of the shower he dried himself and went into the bedroom to find something to wear. He might as well celebrate his twenty sixth birthday by himself, even if it was dressed with one of Zero's muscle tees, a short cutout in an old sweatpants that at second glance confusingly looked like to be one of his boyfriend's too and by eating Japanese food with his cat in front of the TV. He would even treat himself to some coconut cake from his favorite African joint restaurant.
It took less time than usual for his food to arrive and for Olaf to come home willingly. Jude seriously needed to have a talk with his neighbor soon rather than later about feeding his cat fat chicken and keeping him in trapped in their apartment.
“Hey boy. Missed me?” Olaf meowed loudly rubbing himself against Jude's ankles, apparently he seemed like he'd missed his master today and it warmed Jude's heart. Bending, he took the cat in his arms and went for plates in the kitchen, came back in the living room and proceeded in sharing his sushis with his cat. Rice balls for him and shrimps, tuna and salmon for Olaf. He kept the makis, California rolls and wakame salad for him. Olaf seemed to dig the royal meal tonight, way better than his same old chicken flavored cat biscuits. He even was allowed liking some of the leftover whipped cream from his master's finger. He felt like a lion tonight. King of the jungle and all. When they were done eating, Jude settled down on the couch, lying down comfortably to watch some old movie, Olaf taking advantage of the situation to lie down like a carpet on Jude's stomach and torso, his front paws nearly in Jude's face.
The movie was reaching to its end, Olaf was snoring in his face and Jude was close to falling asleep as well when he heard the entrance door open and suddenly Lionel was in the room.
“Oh that's sad!” She commented sarcastically, hand on her left hip taking the pause like always. “Jude… can you tell me what you are doing dressed like that with a drooling cat on your chest and a sappy movie playing on your birthday night?”
“Celebrating. We had Japanese and coconut cake.” Jude said in a poor attempt of keeping up appearances.
“Okay. Get up. Now. And go put on something classy, there's no way I'm watching this nightmare happen and not intervene. How old are you twenty sixth or sixty two? Even Oscar seems younger than you do right now.”
“Wow, low blow.” Jude stated, but Lionel didn't seemed apologetic at all.
“I don't have time sitting with you and braid your hair while you tell me everything about why you look so depressed, we're going out to celebrate so chop chop, up we go. And I'm the one choosing your outfit, you could dare going out in flip-flops by the look of it.”
Grumbling a bit, Jude got up, Olaf safely tucked in his arms. He put the cat on the bed when he made it to his room, Lionel already going through his closet.
“Do we really need to go out?” He asked, falling on the bed. “I don't really feel like going out. I'll only be a buzz kill, partying isn't really my thing anyway.”
Lionel stop searching a minute and turned around:
“Let me guess, you had a fight with Zero, that's why you look like your cat died.”
Covering Olaf's ears, Jude shook his head.
“Leave my cat out of this, he's really sensible. And no, I didn't fought with Zero.”
“Then what? Is it your mother?”
“No.” Jude answered sadly, suddenly missing his mother like hell. Damn, why was he so emotional tonight? And why was Lionel so eager to know, anyway.
“Jude...” She threatened him gently. Meaning he better start talking or she would make him to.
“Zero forgot about my birthday. At least you remembered.”
“Are you sure? Maybe he's planned something to surprise you? I'm sure he has an explication. Plus, I know Pete was hard on the team today, maybe that's why he forgot. He was probably exhausted.”
“Since when do you take Zero's defense?”
“Since I can see how him forgetting about your birthday seems to bother you.”
“Lionel?” Jude whispered, hands trembling slightly on his knees. “How do you know someone's love for you is ending?”
“Jude. Hey, I'm sure this isn't what's going on here. Zero wouldn't stop having feelings for you overnight. You're worrying yourself over nonsense. I mean, yes, he's not my favorite person, I'd make him taste wiper fluids before he can hurt you but I know for a fact that guy loves you. I've seen how he looks at you when you two think no one's around to notice. And do I really have to remember you how he kissed you on national TV, embraced his coming out even though he could've lost everything by doing so and all this for you. You told me yourself, he tried getting you back for months after you broke up with him and when a man does everything he can to keep you from moving on with some other guy then it's love. Now, put this on, we're going out. Celebrate and have an amazing night."
Jude took the clothes and went to dress in the bathroom, Lionel's words playing over and over in his mind. She was right, he was being irrational. Zero probably had forgotten because he was too tired after training or busy to check what day they were exactly and had gone home because he was really too exhausted to hangout with Jude tonight. Whatever it might be, Jude was sure his lover had a very good reason and he would hear about it sooner rather than later.
“Well, well, well, look at you!” Lionel told him when he came back into the bedroom to put on a pair of soft brown dress shoes and the jacket Lionel had laid out for him on the bed. “There's just one thing,” she said coming closer to open the first three buttons of his dark blue denim shirt. “Now, you're perfect. You should dress like this more often, Jude. You look hot. I'm sure Zero wouldn't be able to resist.”
“I'm not talking sex with you!” Jude exclaimed, outraged making Lionel giggle loudly.
“You're such a prude. Let's go.”
“Why are we leaving L.A.? There's plenty of good clubs there.” Jude asked Lionel as they were enjoying a flute of champagne.
“What don't you want your birthday gift? Plus, it'll do us both some good being away from Hollywood's drama.” Jude couldn't agree more. He was curious now to know what was that birthday gift Lionel'd just mentioned.
“Okay. So what's my birthday gift then?”
“You'll see. It's a surprise.”
They drove for another twenty minutes when the car stopped in front of a beautiful restaurant overlooking the see.
“A restaurant?”
“I hope you didn't stuff yourself with sushi, I made reservations here long before hand.”
“Olaf ate most of it.” Jude answered absently, eyes scanning the area. He heard a door open and followed Lionel out when he saw her get out of the car.
They walk for a minute in the sand when Lionel suddenly stopped in front of a lit candle.
“Okay, my present starts here. Follow the candles and enjoy your night.”
“What? You're leaving? Lionel what's going on?”
“Happy birthday, Jude.” Gobsmacked, Jude watch her walk back to the car and climb in before it started driving backwards that's when he reacted:
“Lionel, wait.” He shouted but it was too late the car was already driving away and without him. What was he suppose to do now? And where the hell was he?
“Follow the candles, follow the candles. What is this a bad nineties' movie? You're gonna pay for this, Lionel.” Jude mumbled, following indeed the lit path of candle lights. And she'd made him dress like this, leave his warm apartment and loving cat for what? Sand in his shoes and a candlelit path to nowhere...
Or was it?
“Gideon?” Jude blurted, surprised when he saw his lover stand barefoot in the patch of green grass secluded in the sand dunes.
“What are you doing here? What's going on? You said you were staying home tonight... Zero, what's all this?”
“Your birthday gift. You didn't really thought I'd forgotten about it, right?”
“I...”
“Really, Jude.”
“I don't get it, what's all this? And what had Lionel to do with it?”
“She knew the place and told me about it. I thought it was perfect to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday. Why don't you come over here see what I have for us.”
His feet moved of their own accord, Jude's mind was lost somewhere else, trying to piece everything together. He never saw it coming. He didn't even caught on the tiniest clue of what his lover was planing for his birthday behind his back and Lionel had never told him about this place either. When he reached Zero, the blond man smiled tenderly as he took his hand in his:
“Hey.” He whispered with love before lifting his head a little to kiss Jude. “Happy birthday.”
When Zero let go of his lips, Jude couldn't help smiling his biggest smile. His eyes went to the basket full of delicious food and champagne behind his lover. A thick and luxurious white blanket had been thrown on the ground, it looked soft and comfy at the same time. Candles in lanterns made out of jam jars were shining brightly here and there on the blanket, holding it in place against the very small breeze blowing that night. Two champagne flutes were sitting against the basket and porcelain plates were beautiful set on the blanket, each decorated with a tissue napkin intricately folded.
“Champagne?” Zero asked smiling.
Jude nodded, following his lover to sit on the blanket then taking his shoes off to go barefoot like Zero was. He took the glass his lover gave him and took a sip of the champagne.
“I can't believe you did this! It's so...Beautiful.” Jude exclaimed, eyes sparkling with joy as they took in everything around and in front him. He stopped on Zero and was breath taken, he couldn't remember ever before telling himself that the blond man was the most beautiful man he'd ever laid eyes on. Yes, he told himself how beautiful, sexy and hot his lover was everyday, but never before had he been struck like he was now by his beauty.
“Do I have something on my face? You don't still think I'd really forgotten your birthday, right?” Zero asked lightly, looking as if the way Jude was looking at him was suddenly making him a bit nervous.
“You're beautiful, you know.” Jude couldn't help whisper. “The most beautiful man I ever laid eyes on.”
Zero met his eyes, kept silent and just look at Jude. No snarky remark or change of the subject. Jude find it was something new, usually Zero would have found something to distract attention from him as this was touching a too intimate ground for him. But not this time and Jude understand that they'd really come far as a couple and as people. He understood how now it was ninety percent of the time Gideon he was with and the remaining one percent was when they were at the Arena and his lover had too wear Zero's mask.
“Come here,” Jude whispered, moving aside whatever separated them on the blanket and taking Gideon's flute from his hand and set it aside with his own glass and the bottle of champagne. Turning his head back to look at his smiling boyfriend, Jude encircled his face between his hand and bent his head down just enough to cover Gideon's mouth with his. Gideon kissing him back gently.
Heat between them escalated quickly and Jude felt his lover's arms circle his waist and pull him forward until he straddled Gideon's knees. Burying his fingers in Gideon's hair, Jude opened his mouth and tickle Gideon's lips with the tip of his tongue. Gideon answered by biting softly on Jude's bottom lip, something he knew made Jude go crazy.
“Gideon...” Jude moaned in his mouth. Like every time the level of intimacy between them started to go up, Jude could never stop himself from calling his lover by his real name.
“I love hearing you say my name.” Gideon whispered softly for only Jude's ears to hear even though they were all alone on this secluded part of the beach, wherever it was they were exactly.
“I love that I can say it.” Jude whispered back. Closing the gap between their faces again and continuing the kiss where it'd been left off. He shivered when he felt Gideon open his mouth to grant Jude's tongue access. When both of their tongues touched, Jude felt himself harden and judging by the reaction his lover was having he wasn't the only one. Tilting his head a bit to the left, Jude let himself go like he'd never dare to ever before. It being with Gideon or that asshole Lucas when he'd made the mistake of having sex with him.
Grinding slowly against Gideon's hips, he couldn't help the little pants and moans that escaped his throat. He took charge of the kiss like he never thought he could and what's great is his lover let him have full control, only responding to Jude's hungry kiss. Jude would have wanted for the kiss to never end but his lungs started burning almost painfully, screaming for air, and he had to break off the kiss. Out of breath, he placed sweet little kisses on Gideon's lips. Eyes closed, forehead pressed against the blond's, their noses rubbing against each other tenderly.
“It's the first time.” Gideon said lowly, eyes meeting Jude's.
“What is?”
“You kiss me like that.”
Jude blushed a little, thank god for the candle lights that were too weak to show Gideon how red his cheek truly were.
“What do you mean? How did I kissed you?”
“I don't know… Like, for the first time, you didn't held back. Like you were showing me all of you. You never did before. It's like...” Gideon stopped there. He caressed Jude's face with a look on his face the brunet was unable to read. It was as if Gideon wanted to say something specific and yet was holding back afraid that it could hurt Jude and yet it wasn't totally it. There was more in the icy blue eyes staring at him and Jude just couldn't decipher what.
“It's like...? What were you gonna say? I can take it, Gideon, don't worry.”
Gideon seemed to pondered on Jude's words a minute and he might have concluded Jude really could hear whatever he had to say cause he was suddenly explaining his thoughts:
“You've always seemed to be holding back, you know. It's was more obvious when we first got together and I brushed you off with my not wanting relationships speech. I could tell then you were just only eighty percent in it with me and I didn't say anything, couldn't say anything because then it would have shown you I really did care about what was going on between us. Then you broke up with me. I spent those months replaying every one of the moments we spent together, not fully understanding you. There was this part of you you kept hidden from me, that you hid and still hide from the world and I just wanted to know it too. I wanted you back so damn much I was the first surprised by it. I felt like somehow I'd passed next to you. Never truly understanding everything that is you. I got the big picture yes, got what little you would let me see of your private self, something no one else could see but me and yet there was still those twenty percent I knew you just couldn't let go of. Just couldn't express because they were too important. I get it wanting to hide your deepest self and yet I feel like those ten hidden percent is exactly what you just gave me.”
“I just never truly knew if I could give them to you, or anyone really, before. Not because I don't trust you. I've never been with someone that truly cared for me like you do, except my mother and Lionel but it's not the same. Oscar never gave a damn about me and the moment he learned about me being gay you know how it ended. I knew you cared, you must have felt something for always coming back even though you'd told me not doing relationships. I wanted to open myself more to you and yet I just couldn't. Then you and I were over.” Jude admitted, trying to keep control over the emotions vibrating in his voice. Entangling his body from Gideon's he sat back down on his side of the blanket. He felt he needed to come clean with his lover, felt it was time he voiced everything he'd kept locked up inside by fear of losing Gideon again.
“You know when I went on that first date with Lucas?” Zero nodded shortly. Eyes suddenly darkening at the mention of his former agent.
“You calling constantly during the date isn't what fucked it up. I did.”
“You did?”
“He wanted us to go have drink at the Abbey and I told him how surprised I was. Two public places in a day. He asked if I was still in the closet. I told him no, that I was just not used to it and then I was suddenly talking about you. About how you were my first, first kiss, first time, first relationship, first everything. I told him how I'd fallen in love with you even before knowing what love is and that having to adjust to the world again after being blinded like that had been the hardest thing. Then you were suddenly calling again and I told him not to let you sabotage another date again, I didn't expected he would tell me I was the one that did by going on and on about my ex. It threw me off so much. I thought for sure I was over you. Thought I was getting better and all of a sudden I was noticing how I truly wasn't. I never was able to let go of you. I tried but I just couldn't. You know you even made it impossible for another guy to truly satisfy me in bed.” Jude admitted lastly blushing furiously. He asked himself why he was telling Zero, no Gideon all this but now that he'd started he just couldn't stop himself until everything was out.
“I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I don't even know if that's something you do with your lover? I have no experience in all this and yet with you I just...I don't know. I don't want to be the overly sensitive kind of boyfriend, I don't want to make you run away because I'm too expensive, too much into this. I fear we could break up again because of me, because of what I am and want. I fear that something could tear us apart again.” He couldn't look at the blond man by then, couldn't dare look at him after blurting all this and see what was in Gideon's eyes.
“Jude,” he heard his lover say softly. “Jude, please, look at me.” Gideon commanded and Jude had no other options than to look Gideon's way. When he met the blue eyes looking at him closely, he heard himself mumble,
“I'm sorry. You made all this for me tonight, for my birthday and I'm killing the mood and your beautiful surprise by being too sentimental and talkative about it.”
“Jude,” Gideon said extending his arms to grab Jude's left hand in his, “you being such a sensible person and yet as equally strong headed is one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. I don't want you to feel like you ever have to hide or keep yourself from being you with me because that's not what I want. You're an amazing person and you have no idea how bless I feel you were sent to me. I love you, Jude. I love you for everything that you are. Everything that you show me, that I know about you and that nobody else will ever be able to see, and thus because either they're blind people, assholes or uninterested fuckers. I love you for all that and more.”
“I love you too.” Jude confessed, tightening his hold on Gideon's hand a little. “So much it sometimes scares me.”
Gideon smiled and bent over to kiss Jude's lips softly, taking his time to relish on the kiss. Kissing Jude was always the most delicious experience and he could never tire of it.
“What do you say we go take a walk on the beach and eat after?” He asked the brunet when they ended the kiss. Jude nodded and Gideon got up extending his hands towards his lover to help him up, making Jude giggle softly in the process.
“I always knew you were just a big old romantic. You hid it well most of time but all your grand gestures proved me otherwise.”
“Oh yeah..?” Gideon bantered, amused. Jude followed by making a list of every big gesture his lover had made since they knew each other:
“Yeah. Buying me a Porsche to make your point and let everyone know I was your agent. Kissing me out of jealousy and by doing so making sure I wouldn't go on that date with Danny.”
“Oh yeah, the assistant photographer...” Gideon piped sarcastically.
“Keeping mine and Derek's secret from the press to avoid me getting hurt because of it. Telling me your name even though I just put an end to whatever we had back then. There also was the deal you made with Jelena and Terrence for me, then you also kissed me because of another guy but this time in front of millions of people outing yourself at the same time.” Jude laughed gently, entwining his fingers with Gideon's, a simple gesture they rarely did or had the chance to do but tonight, besides them, no one else was on the beach. It was okay for them to show some PDA, there was no paparazzi hanging around to spy on their intimacy. “I don't know exactly what Lucas told you to excuse the fact he ditch me court side, I know that what you said was to protect me and I know even though you didn't plan kissing me you did it on impulse not only to show me you weren't scared of us anymore but also because you're always so protective and possessive when another guy is involved.”
“I would do it again.” Zero said calmly. “If I had the choice of protecting my career from the coming out frenzy or protect you from being hurt because of some asshole I would always choose to kiss you like I did. I love you, I only want the best for you, Jude. I don't care that people knows about us anymore. I'm not scared. As long as we still have this between us, these moments that are just us then nothing else matters. As long as it's always just you and me.”
Jude stopped walking and turned around to kiss the blond softly, letting Zero take him in arms, pulling him towards his body so they were pressed against each other from their chests to their toes, tingling the other's in the sand.
“Thank you for all this.” Jude whispered in Zero's ear before hiding his face in the blond's neck to smell his scent.
“Happy birthday, Jude. I hope we'll have many, many more to celebrate in the future.”
“I hope so too.”