Work Text:
You just got off from your part-time job, excited to spend the day in a familiar place. Being in college, on your own, attending classes and going to work, you barely had time to do your relaxing leisure and hadn't gone on dates with your girlfriend.
These past few weeks were painful because both of you and Jinx were mostly away from each other from respective majors. You both may see each other at your shared apartment, but it felt more like you two fell into being roommates instead.
You miss her every day and promised to make it up to her.
Then...
What surprised you was she beat you to it and told you the other day to come visit home to celebrate getting through this semester.
Now, driving the car you bought from your savings, with Jinx helped to customize it to adjust things to your liking. It is such a perk to have an awesome inventor as a partner.
As you arrive at the place, it is blanketed with fresh falls of snow. It's February, yet it still feels like December. You parked the car not too far from Jinx's house and not too near the road where the snowplough usually comes through to shovel off the ice and snow to avoid accidents. Checking the flower bouquet you assembled earlier at your apartment after choosing the right flowers you know she likes, you tried to call her phone. After a few rings, it ends with a missed call. You figured that she might have things to do, so you got out of the car and walked your way towards the front porch.
As you try to knock, you immediately whip your head as you hear her excited exclaim, thinking that she is glad you have arrived. But what you saw through the window in the living room was Jinx sitting on the armrest of the single sofa with Ekko on it. His hands caress her legs as she hugs him while one of her hands is occupied with a box. Something with jewellery no doubt. You felt a sting in your heart that breathing seemed to be a hard task to do at the moment. Then you see how their respective families gather around; Jinx's sisters Vi and Isha. Miss Caitlyn was even there. Silco, Vander, and even their adopted brothers, Mylo and Clogger. And Ekko's adopted father, Benzo. They looked like a happy family. And ruining it by showing up at the wrong time, so you simply walk backwards with a bitter scoff.
'I need to be alone for a moment.' You turned around and walked towards the car. As you sat on the driver's seat you relief the sudden memory of Jinx's joyful cheer with him. It's been years since the last time you saw that expression. Time flies so fast when you enjoy every little moment with someone you love. You start the car and just drive without a destination because you just need a few moments to soak it in. You immediately heard your mother's voice, taunting you.
'That stupid love will get you nowhere. And when you finally wake up, you'll realise how pathetic you are.' The look on her face, you remember it as clear as day. The disdain, the frown, the sneer.
'Did you hear?! There's a power couple in Robotics engineering?'
'Oh yes! Gosh, they are such relationship goals!'
'I didn't know she had a hot boyfriend!'
The voices of extremely loud and excited girls walking past you as you were trying to meet with your girlfriend that day ring in your head.
'Wow. Kiddo. I didn't know you had a girlfriend.'
You heard your father's voice as you remembered the other day when you visited him. How he didn't even look at you in the face to hide his conflicted emotion after hearing for the first time that you were actually dating Jinx. Was it so wrong for you to date the girl? She's not a troublemaker as everyone seems to hear or see about her.
Lost in thought as you drive, the weather hardens as cold, strong wind blows that can sway your vehicle with its current, but you steer against it. However, you steer too hard that the car goes through the pile of snow, getting stuck inside. As you cough and flutter your eyes open, you immediately turn off the car, afraid that if it overheats, it could explode despite the harsh weather. Hearing the whisper of the strong wind through the crevices of your car, you saw how you breathed smoke through the cold. The temperature is depleting, treacherously, making you shiver no matter how many layers of thick clothes you have already worn.
'You're nothing but a spare.' Hearing your own distorted voice suddenly hits you. Remembering every moment you saw Jinx with him. There are times you understand because they are best friends, but on some occasions, you feel betrayed by how close they are to the point people see them more as a couple and not you with her. It's hard having an empath and kind heart, not knowing the potential things that the girl you love can do behind your back but every time those things emerge from the back of your mind, you simply dismiss it that she won't do that and never dare to do those things yet it seems hard to finally see the possibilities with the things you dreaded the most.
The screams of the wind bring you back to reality. You tried to push your car door, yet it wouldn't budge; the snow must have piled around the car, and now you are resigned to your own fate as you stared at the bouquet you were about to give to Jinx.
'I guess I'm not cut out to live.' You thought.
Your life flashes before your eyes, how little you were being impressed by one blue-haired girl. Going on adventures with her and facing tomorrow with a brave face. The comfort whenever you feel useless from a mother who will never show you any love. From a father who never acknowledged you as his daughter as soon as he got away from your mother. You never felt so lonely, that it rivals the way you used to feel as a kid.
Neglected as a kid, forgotten as a teen and now alone as a young adult. You did sometimes wonder if Jinx just pitied you. That's why she agreed to be with you. But what if all this time, people around you were telling the truth? Your mother, as much as you hate to admit it, was right. Now you looked pathetic and about to become a human popsicle. Your eyelids now feel heavy as you fight back the drowsiness and nausea, so you just hum several sad songs you can think of.
Several years as you tried to kill yourself, the one moment you just wanted to live a life with her, now being taken away because you were too blinded by feigned love all this time. One thought keeps telling you to give up already while the other wants to keep holding on. That the promise you once shared with her what's keeps you from falling apart. However, does she even hold on to her words? Or was it also just to reassure you so you would stop being dramatic? Was all this time she just using you so one day she may able to go back to him? All of these unanswered questions were never acknowledged.