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Song Lan wrung his hands together as he kept his eyes fixed on the train time displayed on the terminal board.

About ten minutes. Xue Yang was going to be there in ten minutes, or so he had texted him. Luckily there hadn’t been delays, otherwise he might have as well imploded right then and there. He’s never thought of himself as an impatient person, but this was- different. Everything about it felt different, perhaps because Xue Yang was the first and only online friend he’d ever made, and the only he was also about to meet for the first time after two years of chats, occasional calls, and stupid pictures Xue Yang was insistent on sharing on an almost daily basis.

One time, Song Lan had rated the picture he'd sent as a joke, and ever since Xue Yang had tried to one up his game each day.

He was an idiot, but a confident one.

Thank goodness for Xingchen agreeing to come with, soothing a bit of his nerves; he’d told Song Lan he was really looking forward to meeting “the guy that made him smile at his phone like a teenage boy with a crush”.

Song Lan had no idea what he meant.

« I don’t think you can telepathically make the train come faster no matter how long you stare at the screen, Zichen, » Xiao Xingchen tugged a little at his sleeve, and he could hear the smile in his voice before he looked back at him with a suffering expression.

He wasn’t scared. It was only an agitated excitement shaking him from within. There was also the whole inexperience about not knowing what exactly a first meeting like that entailed, what were the unspoken rules of it … Xingchen had told him to relax and do the first thing that came to his mind.

What if his instincts made him awkward? What if it was the wrong way to go about it?

Another giggle came from next to him: Xingchen must’ve basically heard him think so hard it showed on his face.

Song Lan crossed his arms, his jaw set so tightly he couldn’t speak.

Xue Yang was never taken aback by anything, if any kind of awkwardness did seep out, he would probably just laugh about it and steer the conversation into something dumb only he would come up with. Or maybe he would make fun of him in that inoffensive way he somehow managed, and Song Lan would easily fall into comfortable banter.

There was always that small fear that they wouldn’t click as well in person. Xingchen had reminded him, though, that today was precisely what they were doing to find that out, too.

He’d also told him that he highly doubted it was going to be their case.

The two watched as a train stopped on the track opposite of them: strange, Song Lan didn’t remember- a quick look at the terminal board cleared his mind but didn’t ease him.

« Xingchen, » he said, with enough pain in his voice he might have just been stabbed. « We’re on the wrong side. »

« Oh, » Xiao Xingchen looked back at him with widened eyes and an amused smile he tried to suppress, because it was not funny, after the amount of time Song Lan had watched the board. « Should we- »

The train left faster than they expected. Only a small handful of people had stepped off of it, and it seemed there was no one else getting on.

As though out of a movie, a wild mass of hair sprouted from behind the last wagon: Xue Yang was standing in front of the right track, unreachable only for the last stretch of steps. He was typing on his phone before he looked up.

Obviously, Song Lan’s heart did a somersault as soon as their eyes met.

They were both locked in the moment at once; it was real, they were both real. It felt incredible.

Xue Yang broke into a grin so sparkly it put the stars to shame.

Song Lan tried to keep himself from smiling wide like an idiot and nodded at Xingchen to follow him as they climbed down and up the staircases that led to the right track.

Once they were above ground again, Xue Yang took his first steps towards them.

« You make me come all the way here and you don’t even come get me from my seat yourself? Talk about a gentleman, » Xue Yang rolled his eyes theatrically.  His gait was self-assured, as expected, and he was sporting the trademark leather jacket he never let go of.

Song Lan could only smile back at him as he approached with his arms twitching, wondering if he could already go for a hug. « I don’t like crowds, » as soon as he extended his own arms, Xue Yang sped up and crashed into him.

« Good save, » Xingchen murmured, hiding a grin of his own behind his phone to take a few sneaky pics he could bribe him with later.

Maybe that way he could convince Song Lan of how whipped he truly was.

« This is so fucking weird, » Xue Yang released him only to start putting his hands all over him, over his arms, over his chest under the coat Song Lan had kept open inside the station.

Should it have bothered him? It felt more like a reality check for both of them; admittedly, Song Lan’s mind was still a little fuzzy from the adrenaline spike of their encounter. He shouldn’t hold himself accountable for his current responses, so he thought at least.

He just watched him, with his own hands on his shoulders like he still couldn’t believe it. 

« Don’t make that face, you know I told you I was gonna touch them first thing if we ever met. »

What? What face was he making? « What do you mean “them”? »

Xue Yang smiled up at him beatifically, and he would soon learn that that was his mischief-in-progress expression. « Don’t worry, Song Lan, » he said, with utmost innocence. Xingchen started giggling right then: he’d definitely understood what he meant, and Xue Yang turned his hawk eyes on him with keen interest. « Aw, did you bring someone to help you in case I turned out to be an old creep? I’m flattered. »

He received a smile and an offered hand. « I’m Xiao Xingchen. I heard about you so many times it’s an honour to finally meet you! »

« What a coincidence, » Xue Yang turned just enough to smirk at Song Lan. « That guy also mentions you non stop, it’s like I was more friends with you than him. »

« Do you need me to come back later or are you done? » Song Lan huffed, with no real bite into it, which made them both grin. Xue Yang added a loud laugh to it, and in the instant that it sounded edged he wondered if he’d also been nervous during the train ride.

Imagining Xue Yang being agitated about their first meeting eased his own worries.

He’d been overthinking, what Xingchen often admonished him about. There were a million things to tell and show Xue Yang in a place he knew nothing about but the short stories Song Lan sometimes shared.

When they made their way outside, the chilly breeze of the first spring mornings met them in a shivering blow.

Song Lan noticed Xue Yang hadn’t zipped up his jacket yet, and he frowned at his exposed belly. « Aren’t you cold? » he commented, with the same flection of a worried grandmother.

Xue Yang rolled his eyes with a smile still plastered on his face, and then puffed up his chest. « A real man braves the weather in a crop top! » he announced, before he leaned into him and smirked. « What, you wanna feel me up to make sure I’m not freezing or something? »

Song Lan should have seen that coming. « So when’s the first train departing to take you home? I’ll pay your ticket myself, » he said and ignored the howled laughter next to him to school his face into not heating up at such an awful joke.

He looked to the other side, to focus onto the cold air, and found Xingchen sending him a knowing look. « You’re doomed, » he murmured.

Oh, no. Song Lan had sent himself right into a trap of his own design.

None of this had been a good idea, and he was going to pay the consequences, wasn’t he?

« I’m offended. I won’t come visit you anymore. I’ll only come say hi to Xiao Xingchen. »

« Please do! »

Song Lan hummed. « That’s fine. I suppose I’ll go to the pastry shop by myself, then. »

Xue Yang immediately perked up at that, like a dog who’d heard his favourite word, and looped their arms together. « Well, in that case I can be a little persuaded. »

« No, it’s alright, » Song Lan shook his head, still playing into his scene. « You can have fun somewhere else while I enjoy the best hot chocolate in town. »

« You are so fucking mean I’m going to follow you around just to annoy the hell out of you all goddamn day. »

Song Lan chuckled softly to himself and tugged him towards the pastry shop as Xingchen studied them curiously like two interesting bugs.

The day had just started, and he already found them immensely adorable together.

It was unexpectedly crowded in the bakery they’d chosen.

How come that many people had decided to fill up nearly every seat on a Thursday morning? Song Lan had chosen the first available day with Xue Yang that was not on the weekend, so they didn’t have to speak over any loud chatter in the background.

He knew it wasn’t a real issue, only- for one, it changed the meticulously thought over plan, and too much noise tended to overwhelm him.

They had chosen a table farther away enough from strangers to have an ounce of privacy in their conversations, and it was genuinely going well for them until Song Lan realised something was amiss.

It felt like a disappointing tiredness had taken over his body in place of the previous enthusiasm.

Like he’d done a step wrong, but had no clue which it was.

Song Lan watched his friends interact in harmony, but he was slightly detached from the scene, and when they turned to him he found he could hardly get out any sound, like it physically pained him to.

Xue Yang excused himself to go to the bathroom — « I drank like, a gallon of water out of boredom in that goddamn train. » — and he slumped a little and sighed in a heavy exhale, keeping his eyes closed for just a moment, because maybe if he did, everything would be alright once he opened them again.

« Are you alright? » Xingchen had the same keen gaze as Xue Yang whenever something was wrong with his friends. « Is this making you uncomfortable? I could seriously take over if you need me to. »

Song Lan shook his head, typed out how he was feeling on his phone, and as he handed it to him, Xiao Xingchen had already half an idea of what was happening.

An empathetic smile appeared on him. « You never told him it happens? » he asked, passing the phone back to him.

“It never occurred when we called. It slipped my mind.”

Xingchen’s smile turned the tiniest bit wider, his hands moved closer to his, not touching, as though he wished to take them to reassure him. « I don’t know him well, but he seems the type of person who’d understand. »

Song Lan smiled back, a hint more somber. “I hate that it happened now.”

« Oh, Zichen, » Xingchen shook his head with fondness. « It will pass. And regardless, what’s the matter if you can’t speak? It’s not a requirement to have fun! » he said, him and his constant motivational speeches and bright smiles. He leaned closer, shifting into seriousness. « But really, if you’d rather we leave, just type the word. »

Song Lan shook his head. They’d already put in their orders, and he knew drinking something warm should have helped. He could handle it, it was just frustrating.

Xue Yang came back a moment after their conversation, and Xingchen smiled at him before regarding Song Lan. « Do you want me to tell him? »

« Uh, » Xue Yang’s eyes turned to slits, as he slowly sat down. « What are you planning this time? » he asked, distrustful in a playful manner. « Don’t tell me they’re out of salted caramel cookies, because I will end someone’s life right now. »

Despite everything, it didn’t sound like he was joking.

When Song Lan nodded, Xingchen turned with a chuckle. « No, they’re all yours, don’t worry, » he said. « I just wanted to warn you that Zichen won’t be talking right now. It happens from time to time, he generally just writes or types when it does. »

« Oh, yeah, that’s chill, » Xue Yang shrugged, then turned to Song Lan with a grin. « It’ll be just like usual! Actually, send me texts so I can remember the stupid shit we talked about today too. »

Song Lan complied, and even if he knew Xue Yang would’ve taken the new information with nonchalance, a small knot still untied in his chest. “I guess it was due to the noise and the tightly packed people. Sorry.”
“shut the fuck up”, he was texted back, coupled with an eyeroll and a blatant frown at his apology. “youre an idiot”, he added, which was his own way of saying that it didn’t bother him at all and he should stop saying sorry about everything. Xue Yang turned with a wicked smirk towards Xingchen. « Anyway now that he can’t stop you, tell me all the embarrassing stories you have about him! »

« Oh, I do have a few … »

Song Lan could only sigh at each anecdote he had to subject himself to — seriously, Xingchen should have spared their elementary school memories — and sunk back into the mix of their conversation and background chatter.

Their orders arrived shortly after, to their delight, and Xue Yang declared that it was indeed the best hot chocolate he’d ever gotten.

A good amount of costumers had left by then, which eased up a bit of Song Lan’s spirits, between each calming sip of his warm tea. And then Xue Yang slowly reached out to him under the table, and whilst Song Lan typically hated contact during one of his episodes, he still took the offered hand, and found it felt more comforting than anything ever did before.

Song Lan ended up paying for everyone, ignored their complaints because they were not the kind of people to inconvenience a cashier and by the time they were outside, he’d pretty much recovered his words.

Relief washed over him in the breezy morning as they exchanged opinions on the best ice cream topping — and Xue Yang came up with the most obnoxious combinations, of course.

And then, Xiao Xingchen decided to be a traitor.

« Well, this has been super fun, but I do have lots of studying to catch up with … » he said, looking the perfect picture of innocence and regret.

Neither of which he was.

That was the first thing Song Lan heard about that, he had assured him he was free all day!

He quirked a questioning eyebrow as Xue Yang commented on how criminal it was that studying was getting in their way and went in for a farewell hug. Xingchen looked back at him over Xue Yang’s shoulder to wink and reserve for Song Lan the most mischievous smile. He mouthed a “have fun”, before he schooled his expression back into one of fake sorrow and thanked Xue Yang for his company.

Xingchen wrapped his arms around Song Lan as well. « Text me everything when you get home, » he whispered.

Song Lan barely had the time to hug him back that he was already staring at his disappearing, waving frame.

That was the worst betrayal he’d experienced since Xingchen had stolen his favourite coloured pencil in kindergarten to write him a birthday card. Not that Xingchen could write at that age, but he had pretended that was what it said.

Xue Yang hummed before shrugging. « Pity, he was actually kind of nice. »

« Why, did you think I would be friends with terrible people? »

« Who knows! Maybe only someone as insufferable as you could stand you. »

« Hm, » Song Lan pretended to consider that. « That says a lot about you, then. »

Xue Yang’s face did something funny, like it was undecided whether to display incredulity, offense or amusement.

« Don’t hijack my insult! » he said, slapping his arm half-heartedly.

« It seems I did anyway. »

« I’m going to block you. »

Song Lan actually snorted out loud, which made Xue Yang stare up at him as though in awe each time he heard his laughter. « Go ahead, » he prompted. That had always been the usual threat he used against him, one he followed through such an indiscernible amount of times that he must’ve forgotten it held no importance at the moment. 

« This is the worst date ever, » Xue Yang shook his head at him as they started walking towards an unspecified direction. He called it a date as a joke every now and then, and despite some part of Song Lan deeply wishing that it was one, he played along. « First you push me away, and now you’re mocking me. You didn’t even bring me flowers! »

« I paid for your chocolate and sweets, » Song Lan countered, and he was met with a scoff and an eye-roll.

« Didn’t ask you to! But how can I expect you to know about being a proper date, you didn’t even bring me a gift, » Xue Yang opened his arms in theatric dismay.

Song Lan shook his head and followed him, wondering where he thought he was going. « Do you actually want flowers? »

« What if I did! »

He hummed, looked around himself to find one of the first blooming flowers timidly peeking out in the grass within the sidewalk. Song Lan wasn’t used to picking flowers, he preferred to leave nature alone and admire it from its home, but he crossed out that rule in the moment and took one to hand out to Xue Yang. It was small, with four petals blending from blue to white.

Xue Yang accepted it quietly, his eyes glimmered with something for a moment before it was gone and he whistled. « Wow … that was so effortless I don’t know whether or not to feel more offended. »

« Just throw it away, Xue Yang, » Song Lan looked up at the sky as though it could help him.

He was immediately glared at, and Xue Yang stepped back with a protective hand covering his little gift. « What? No. This is my flower, don’t you dare touch it, » he said, stuck out his tongue for good measure and reached up to tuck the flower behind his ear.

It sort of got lost in the mess of his precious locks, and it looked more like a useless, forgotten hairpin, but it added an air of cuteness to him that made Song Lan want to put his hands in his hair and stroke his face until he looked stupid.

… maybe Xiao Xingchen had a point.

A very valid point.

Maybe he should have picked more flowers, and littered or braided his hair with it. Was that going too far? They did have the whole day ahead of them …

« You mentioned there was a beach nearby? » Xue Yang piped up when the silence stretched for too long.

Hopefulness painted him with a grin on his lips, and how dare anyone deny him?

Song Lan nodded in the direction over the town square. « Follow me. »

Xue Yang happily skipped along and took his arm. If that had been an actual date, they would probably look sickeningly in love.

But the sparkle in Xue Yang’s eyes was only dedicated to his first opportunity to see the ocean, and Song Lan kept looking back at him just to check that the flower hadn’t fallen off his hair.

« I don’t think I can recommend walking on the sand with boots on, » Song Lan was holding onto Xue Yang’s hand now, mostly because he did not want him to directly catapult himself into the water, and half because Xue Yang had immediately pulled him in a run for the beach as soon as he spotted it.

They stood on the walkway that led to the sea. « Come on, I haven’t even touched it yet! »

Song Lan frowned down at the plastic boards and tried to swipe the sand off of it with his heel. « It gets everywhere … »

« Then lay down your coat for me to walk on like a true gentleman, » Xue Yang offered, motioning to the expanse of sand before them, and a shudder hit him immediately at the image. « Relax, holy shit, I wasn’t being serious. »

« You should keep your creativity to yourself most of the time. »

« I think it’s funnier to mention how you genuinely entertained the thought for a second there. »

Indeed, he had, because that was the curse of having Xue Yang tattle on into his ear at any given second, and having his own focus completely raptured by him.

Learning how he looked like in each perspective, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and how his canines sometimes got stuck on his lower lip. A few old scars peeked out from his clothes, and Song Lan also noticed there were more moles on his face and neck than pictures usually captured. There were two faint, cute ones underneath each of his eyes, like they’d been placed there on purpose, or like the wind had somehow littered him with grains of sand already.

Xue Yang was crouched at the edge of the walkway, taking handfuls of sand and letting it run through his fingers until it fell out completely. « And people build little castles with this? »

« It’s wetter underneath, which makes it more compact, » Song Lan explained, standing closer to him. A moment of hesitation passed. « Do not dig with your hands in there. »

« Ugh, » Xue Yang groaned and stood to face him. He took off his jacket and pushed it in his hands, then moved to roll up the cuffs of his pants and take off his boots. « Have you ever had a childhood? »

« Yes, comfortably safe from sand, » Song Lan watched him, and only watched him because he knew he couldn’t stop him.

« Well mine wasn’t comfortable at all, so I have to compensate! » with a grin, a wave and a dream, off Xue Yang was to meet the shore. « Go get me a plastic shovel or something! »

The beach was small, it wasn’t a populated area, nor was the location pretty or worth vacationing in.

Not even most of the locals spent the afternoons there during summer, save for some high schoolers making it their hangout spot, or some younger kids picking up trash with their teachers to educate them about proper ecology.

Xue Yang’s radiant enthusiasm about each little thing made it seem like the most beautiful place in the world.

Song Lan took a brave breath in and carefully stepped on the beach by getting the least amount of sand on his shoes; when he reached him, Xue Yang was still ecstatic, his arms were wet almost up to his elbow, and he was laughing like a little child who’d just discovered bubbles.

« Look, this is for you! » he said, and handed him a pretty, tiny conch shell.

The first thing that came to Song Lan’s mind was how Xingchen had tried to keep a few seashells a while back, and was never able to get rid of the foul salty odor they emitted. « You should keep it, » he said, because while Song Lan could go to the shore and pick up seashells whenever he liked, Xue Yang so far had had only that occasion.

« Nah, I already have my flower, » Xue Yang shrugged, and checked that it was still there in a moment of doubt.

Song Lan let out a soft laugh and accepted the gift regardless: with more fondness in his heart he realised Xue Yang had dried it already for him. « Thank you. »

Xue Yang waved him off like it wasn’t a big deal, — it really wasn’t, Song Lan wasn’t sure why it felt like one — and stared at the horizon. His arms were hanging awkwardly away from his sides, water occasionally dripping from his fingertips.

Laughter still bubbled up the more he took everything in. « This is actually cool. Kind of crazy, » he said. An epiphany hit him, and he quickly dried his hands on his pants before taking his phone out of a pocket and starting to snap a few pictures.

Song Lan watched him capture the scenery, the spot he was standing on, a bird who’d conveniently landed on a rock near the edge of the shore … and then Xue Yang raised his phone to quickly take a picture of him, too, before he could back out or turn away.

« We need to take some together, c’mere. We still haven’t, it’s outrageous, » Xue Yang went to stand close and Song Lan subjected himself to his posing and camera angle critique when he told him to hold his phone since he was taller.

At the last second in their last picture, Xue Yang placed a hand under his chin and left a sneaky little kiss on his cheek: Song Lan had no idea how he did not drop the phone in the ocean right then and there, for he immediately forgot how to function.

Xue Yang was quick to snatch it anyway, and couldn’t have cared less about what expression was on his face because he’d already gone for another hug; his arms were still sort of damp around Song Lan’s neck. His giggling was once again unstoppable.

Song Lan hugged him back with a pleased smile and a slight flush had remained on his face; he’d never gotten to witness Xue Yang acting that genuinely precious, with all of his masks and walls down, fully himself. It was so beautiful, and maybe he should have told him already, but any word had died in his throat at the sight. He couldn’t simply risk to break the moment.

« This is fun, » Xue Yang repeated between chuckles, he looked both maddened and so very alive when he leaned back.

Song Lan needed to kiss him. Straight away, with no warning whatsoever.

He nearly did when he smiled down at him and placed a hand on his cheek, when Xue Yang leaned into his touch and pressed closer. But Xue Yang sent himself into another giggling fit, and he went to bury his face in Song Lan’s chest, unable to stop.

In the irony of it all, Song Lan simply held him and shared some of the laughter and the madness that that man was causing him by solely standing close to him.

« We should head back, » he informed, his voice definitely not wavering with how much adoration was bursting from his heart.

Xue Yang made a contraried noise. « Don’t tell me you want to take me to that fucking archaeological museum. »

« Maybe … »

More unhappy noises were made, and Song Lan chuckled under his breath. « It’s free if you’re a student. »

« I’m not, in case you forgot. »

« They don’t need to know that. »

Xue Yang peeked from his hiding spot in incredulity. « Song Zichen lies to the authorities?! Now that’s rich. Let’s go! »

«A small lie of omission in favour of culture is a price I would pay, » he said, keeping him close when Xue Yang tried to wiggle free.

« Only that, you’re not actually paying shit. Nice. What if they ask for my student ID? We should totally spend the rest of the day making a fake one- »

« You do realise tickets are barely around twenty yuan? I can get one for you if they’re truly strict. » and to be honest, he did not mind supporting their museum. They often offered free events for people of any age range, and were deeply into cultivating community.

« Are you into financial domination or something? Or are you just that against having a bit of fun? »

« Don’t walk on the dry sand with damp feet. It’ll stick everywhere, » Song Lan ignored him, handing him back his jacket. The faint horror in his voice made his opinion on the matter clear. « Would you let me carry you or are you going to bite me? »

« Both sound good to me! Woah- » Xue Yang wasn’t expecting to be lifted into a bridal carry, but it did make sense for Song Lan to keep the wetter part of his body as far away from himself as possible. « Okay then, » he commented, trying to focus on anything else but how effortless that had seemed.

They picked up his boots, and Xue Yang totally forgot to bite him as a prank, too mesmerised by the circumstances and how disappointing it was to think that he would ever let him back down on his feet.

The day was over in an instant. Before they knew it, they were both standing in the train station again, checking the board for the right track.

Yes. The right track this time.

They had lunch together, and Xue Yang had pretended not to enjoy listening to Song Lan rambling on and on about every artifact he knew about at the museum — although he did light up with interest in the burial customs section, full of bones and particular ornaments.

Song Lan had taken him on a stroll through town afterwards, effortlessly chatting like they’d always lived together, fitting all of their memories with each other into the present moment.

It was hard to think about leaving at all. It was unfair, couldn’t have that day stretched far longer for them?

They had entered various shops in the town centre that Xue Yang pulled him towards, only for him to end up mocking most of the stuff in there for overpricing low-quality. It was admittedly fun for him when he pushed the most obnoxious graphic tees onto Song Lan saying they would fit him. There was also a shop full of different trinkets, the kind of useless things that made you want to buy them all, and Song Lan honest to god had no clue how they had spent more than an hour in that place.

Or how Xue Yang had convinced him to get matching flower shaped mugs — everything was flower shaped in spring. He’d even given him one of the rings from the cheap set he got, telling him it would suit him better and he didn’t like it enough.

Song Lan didn’t typically wear much jewelry, but hadn’t protested. He found it endearing that Xue Yang was trying to leave with him as many pieces of himself as he could before he was gone again.

They had ended their day together in the best way by getting ice cream as the temperature had gotten warmer, sharing earbuds to judge each other’s music taste and leisurely made their way back to the station.

At a very, very reluctant pace.

Unfortunately, Xue Yang’s hometown was so small that to catch a train, he had to move to the first bigger town nearby. That one did not offer a vast amount of timetables either, so he was doomed to leave in the late afternoon already, to both get home at a reasonable hour and get home at all.

« You could’ve offered me to stay the night, » Xue Yang muttered with his arms crossed, staring sideways at the train track as though it personally offended him.

« We can arrange that if you need to, » Song Lan didn’t even think it through, just followed the tiny spark of hope in his chest, ignoring how he knew that Xue Yang had a morning shift the day after.

Xue Yang laughed and waved him off. « Nah, I was just joking, » he said, and tilted his head as though to study him with a tiny pleased smile. « Though I didn’t expect you to be this genuinely generous. Guess it makes sense. »

Song Lan did something between a scoff and a laugh. « Glad you don’t really think I’m an asshole. »

« That’s where you’re wrong, I still do! » Xue Yang grinned nearly showcasing all his teeth, which Song Lan learnt was the kind he’d make when sarcastic or lying. « I respect your duality. »

« Get out of here. »

« I’m about to! Aren’t you happy? »

Song Lan didn’t mean to crumble right there, but he’d been barely holding his thoughts together. He sighed, looking at him with the start of a frown and his hands hidden in his coat pockets. « No, » he replied, earnestly, because it was ridiculous how terrible parting made him feel.

It wasn’t as if they were never going to see each other again!

Xue Yang’s grin softened. « Aw, you’re gonna miss me. Do you need a hug or something? » he said, as though he hadn’t been cursing space and time for existing to spite them five minutes earlier.

He held out his arms invitingly and Song Lan embraced him in a crushing hug at once. « Come back soon, » was all he managed to say, since “stay here forever” sounded a little like too much.

« Yeah. I had fun, » Xue Yang didn’t hide the honesty in his own voice, and in the way he held him just as tight.

They were not going to cry. Nope. That sounded even more ridiculous. They were gonna see each other again soon enough, it was alright, they talked everyday!

Song Lan squeezed him a little tighter before releasing him as a train slowed down to a stop next to them.

Convenient.

For a moment, as they stepped away, they were holding hands, and Xue Yang was too distracted watching the wagon doors open to notice. « Well then, » he shrugged, and then went in for another quick hug. « Bye, tell your friend I say hi! And send me those marvellous cookies sometimes. »

Song Lan was able to laugh for one, and nodded as Xue Yang took a few steps back. « I will. Text me when you get home. »

« I’ll text you already when I’m sitting, what are you talking about. »

He laughed again, albeit with a pinch of pain, and waved him goodbye, watching as Xue Yang turned his back on him and stepped on the train.

Xue Yang took a single step forward, before freezing. As though thunderstruck, he turned back and took a handful of confident strides towards Song Lan.

He wore an indescribable expression, one that pinned Song Lan in place with a mix of anticipation and confusion, until Xue Yang pulled him down by the collar of his coat and kissed him. He crashed into him hard, if not desperate, capturing his lips with a sigh as though he hadn’t been waiting for anything else.

Song Lan barely had any time to react that Xue Yang had already turned away, and with the same speed as before he’d disappeared within the wagon, out of sight without looking back once.

By the time the train departed, Song Lan had half registered what had happened, still staring at the exact same spot where Xue Yang had left.

He kissed him. He kissed him?! That absolute idiot! What in the world was he going to do about it now?!

That should have been a conversation they needed to have in person, too. Knowing Xue Yang he’d probably done it on purpose, to avoid potential — inexistent — rejection, and play it off as a prank or a joke or- god, he was going to kill him.

He was going to kill him and he was going to look for the first train to go personally find him and shake him violently and kiss him again.

Xiao Xingchen was going to have a blast with this. Maybe he shouldn’t tell him, but who else was he going to talk to about the stupid situation he’d been put in?

Song Lan texted him in a panic, and soon enough he was being greeted by a friend displaying uncontainable joy. « Don’t say a word yet! » Xiao Xingchen dragged him inside his apartment, sat him down at the kitchen table and prepared two mugs of scalding hot tea, which were figuratively perfect for the occasion, all things considered.

« Okay, » he said, visibly failing to school his expression from the biggest smirk. « Tell me everything. »

Song Lan sighed, put his face in his hands, and did.

Xue Yang was a very brave person. He was incredibly brave and that was why he had replied with extreme nonchalance, not like he’d potentially just ruined his entire friendship with the hottest guy he’d ever met.

He was very, extremely brave. Even if he wasn’t looking at Song Lan’s new reply yet. It was there, and it had taken a few minutes to arrive, and Xue Yang liked his chances of blissful ignorance, in a world where Song Lan hadn’t yet called him disgusting or disrespectful or whatever.

But, at the end of the day, he was also very damn curious what his choice of words was going to be when he told him to never text him ever again and block him indefinitely on every social media.

Xue Yang took a deep, brave breath and unlocked his phone, bracing for impact.