Chapter Text
Sometimes, you need to just take a break and think about where the hell life’s brought you. Up until maybe two years ago, all your dreams were made up of medals, lap times, pools, dive boards, anything and everything swimming related. But here you are now, the last time you went swimming was about a week ago but that’s not what’s bothering you at all. The main thing in your head, your number one priority, now is a boy…..
A pretty one too. Actually, very pretty. Well no, he would rather call himself very handsome and say you’re the prettiest but we digress. He’s just sent you a very cryptic text, something completely out of the usual. Generally, his texts are very expressive, accompanied with at least 5 emojis per message. So the one sentence with nothing else above or below it was quite concerning.
Concerning enough for Est to immediately leave the birthday party he was at and get in his car. He was thankful that he had decided to not drink today and bring his car, because getting a taxi at this hour in the remote neighbourhood where his friend lived would’ve proved to be quite difficult. And at this moment, all Est wanted was the quickest way possible to get to William.
As he was driving, his mind shifted back to how absurd his life had suddenly become. Well, absurd relative to what his past self had dreamed of.
He didn’t exactly miss those days, or regret the decisions that led him to be where he was right now; because wishing to change the past would mean he never would’ve met William, and that was something quite unfathomable to him now. His life revolved mostly around William nowadays, and he didn’t mind it at all. More so, he actually enjoyed it a lot. How couldn’t he? Everytime he saw William show that wide smile of his, it felt like everything was alright in the world. So in what world would he ever regret the decisions that led him to his happiness?
A loud honk brought Est out of his reverie. He looked at the car behind him through the rear view mirror, cursing the driver mentally for honking for no apparent reason. Est was a very calm driver, most of the times. But there would be days where it felt like every vehicle on the road was designed to slow him down and he would let his road rage bubble out.
It would amuse William a lot, whenever Est started muttering curse words under his breath while driving. He would break into a fit of giggles, then try and pacify Est by telling him very dramatically how he’s the best driver on the road, can never do no wrong, and how everyone else except him needs to get their driving licence revoked immediately. And that’s all it would take to get happy Est back again.
But William wasn’t with him in the car right now to agree with him about how the ugly yellow car behind him was being an asshole. No, right now, Est was on a mission to get to William’s condo as quickly as legally possible. Actually, he wouldn’t have minded a few speeding tickets either, as long as they were mailed to him later and he didn’t have to physically stop for them right now.
Est threw a quick glance at his car dashboard again. His phone was connected and Google was silently directing him towards his destination. Spotify was on, but barely audible. It sounded like William’s playlist, Est could tell if he listened hard enough. Still no new messages though. He had every app other than Line silenced. Even in Line, all big groups were muted, so he only ever got notifications from his family, close friends, or William.
William hadn’t replied back to the text Est had sent about 30 minutes ago now. Est had tried calling William multiple times before getting in the car, only for his calls to never be picked up. Est wasn’t exactly panicking, he knew William was okay. He had called him before he arrived at the party and William had already been in his condo, pajamas and facemask on, turned in for the night.
So imagine his concern when he received “P’Est I’m really sorry for everything…” at 10:49 at night, just as he was about to grab his second serving of the pistachio flavoured birthday cake. He abandoned his paper plate immediately and rushed to grab his jackets and keys.
A few friends, those that still had some semblance of sobriety, asked him where he’s headed. He excused himself saying he’s got something important to deal with, but everything is okay so he’ll see everyone soon! That was good enough for his friends, as they went right back to whatever they were doing before. Some drunk ones managed to shout their goodbyes as Est left, which he dismissed with a hurried wave.
Having no luck with his calls, he texted,
“Willy, what’s wrong?”
“Hey pick up my call”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, what are you talking about?”
“William”
“I’m on my way”
He was about a minute away from William’s condo when he got a call. His adrenaline dropped pretty fast when he saw it was his Mom, and not the person he’d been hoping to hear from. He picked it up quickly, hoping to end it before he reached the building.
“Hey Ma,” he greeted casually, trying to not let his restlessness seep into his voice. “Estie, how’s the party going? I don’t hear much noise, have you left already?” He could tell his Mom was already in bed, with how tired her voice sounded. “Yea, I left a while ago, uh… actually, I don’t think I’ll come home tonight. I might sleep over at William’s instead, is that okay?”
He wasn’t really asking for permission, it’s been years since he’s had to ask for his mom’s permission for stuff like sleepovers. She’s always been pretty lenient with him, especially because she’s had to let him travel alone a lot for his swim meets. He knew his mom wouldn’t mind him not coming home, and she really wouldn’t mind him staying with William. She adores William, sometimes even more than Est.
For her, William could never do anything wrong, he’s the purest, a literal angel sent on earth. Est doesn’t disagree, but it would be dishonest for him to say he doesn’t sometimes get a little jealous of how his mom tends to give all her attention to William whenever they meet, completely forgetting that Est is there too. He’s not sure exactly who he gets jealous of, William or his mom, who gets all of William’s attention.
“Yes of course! When is that not okay? But weren’t you planning on coming home tonight? Is everything ok? Is William ok?” she asked, the concern heavy in her voice. “Yep ma, everything is fine. Just have some stuff to go over with him for work, completely forgot about it earlier. Don’t worry about it, I’ll see you tomorrow! Have a good night.” Est was desperate to end the call as he was parking his car, trying his best to do a decent parking job while his brain was telling him to just abandon the car and run up the building stairs.
“Okay baby, I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night and tell William I said the same for him!” She ended the call and Est couldn’t help but smile. Despite the teeny tiny ignorable bouts of jealousy, he loved the relationship his mom had with William. It made life easier, having two people he loved the most also love each other.
He quickly got out of the car, nodding his head at P’Light, the security guard, who had gotten accustomed to Est coming and going as he pleases. Usually visitors needed to log their details in the visitor’s book, but Est was considered more of a resident at this point. P’Light had stopped asking for him to sign the book in his fourth month of knowing William, when he had spent three consecutive nights at the condo, preparing for a very difficult scene they had to shoot.
P’Light gave him a small smile as Est hurried past, going straight for the stairs and taking two at a time. He had to go to the 8th floor but he really didn’t have the patience to awkwardly stand with strangers in the elevator right now. He was a bit out of breath as he got to William’s door and quickly rang the bell before taking a few deep breaths to compose himself.
“William! Willy…,” he called out, following it with a few quick knocks. He could hear shuffling behind the door as William, he presumed, approached the door very slowly. The door swung open, revealing William standing there in his satin black pajamas and his fluffy grey koala slippers, which Est had gotten him on a whim after William had went on a random rant about how cute koalas are, if you ignore all the chlamydia, that is.
However, the wind was knocked out of Est’s lungs as his eyes zeroed in on William’s face. The puffy eyes, red nose, cheeks, ears, he was looking like he’d had a good cry session, not too long ago. Est’s hands immediately surged towards William’s cheeks, holding as gently as he could. With his eyebrows knitted, concern evident in his voice, he asked, “Hey, what’s wrong? Hm? Why did you not pick up my calls?”
William slowly pulled Est into the apartment by his jacket, before leaning and closing the door behind them. When his eyes met Est’s again, he could feel the tears threatening to fall again, if he let them.
And he let them, he had no choice. Having Est there, William could let go of any emotions he’d been keeping locked in, knowing that Est would hold him safe through everything. Est pulled him into his arms, wrapping a hand around his back and keeping the other at the back of his head.
“William…..please tell me what’s wrong?” Est couldn’t help but sound desperate with his plea. All he wanted was to know what was upsetting William to this extent, so that he could comfort him, or murder someone if this was caused by a person.
William quietly sobbed into Est’s shoulder, holding onto his denim jacket as tightly as he could, not showing any signs of letting go any time soon. Est accepted that he wouldn’t get any answers till William has calmed down, so he simply held him, running a soothing hand through his hair.
He slowly pushed, guiding both of them towards the kitchen, hoping to grab a bottle of water for William.
William hugged Est even tighter, thinking Est was moving them to get out of the embrace. “I’m not letting go, just getting you some water. It’s okay, take your time,” Est shushed him.
He didn’t know for how long, it felt like seconds and hours at the same time, Est hugged William. He could hear his sobs slowly quieten down, then William sniffled a few times before taking his head off of Est’s now wet shoulder. Est, still holding him close, slowly brushed his hair out of his eyes and tucked a few long strands behind his ear. “Better now?” he asked, mustering up a small smile and opened up a small water bottle for William, feeling content as he watched him take a few sips. William nodded, wiping off some residual tears using the back of his hand. Est simply looked at him without saying anything, even as William stared back, neither of them breaking the comfortable silence.
Est maintained the eye contact as he held William by his waist and effortlessly picked him up to place him on the marble counter. William’s hands automatically came to circle around Est’s neck, this position making him just a few centimetres taller. Keeping his hands at the waist, Est finally spoke, “Tell me.” It was a statement, not a request.
William looked at his lap, his fingers fiddling behind Est as he thought of words to say. He started, in a rough voice, “Did you see the announcement GMMTV posted a while ago?” “No?” Est replied, cocking an eyebrow out of curiosity. “P’Tin and P’Fai aren’t gonna be an official couple anymore, they’ve decided to part ways.”
“Oh?” Est was still confused, “I didn’t know you were close to either of them. Does the news make you sad?”
William finally glanced up at him, eyes still moist and red, “I’m not close to them at all. But when I saw the announcement, I just imagined what if that was us?”
Tears were starting to prick at the corners of his eyes again, he tried his best to keep his voice steady, “My head just went back to when you said wanted to leave and how this could’ve easily been us. P’Tin got a lot of unnecessary hate from P’Fai’s fans and I think that’s what led to this. And I know you blame yourself everytime you see me getting hate comments. You even blame yourself for the hate comments you get. I know we talked it out and I told you that I won’t ever let you go, but,” his voice cracked, “but, what if I can’t remain as strong forever Phi? What if I can’t protect you from all the hate and we end up becoming the next announcement on GMM’s page?”
A few stray tears escape William’s eyes, which Est quickly wiped away. Est sniffled, clearing his throat before he answered, hoping his voice doesn’t betray the tears he’s trying to hold back, “William…”
He moved his hand to hold William’s cheek as his thumb slowly caressed, wiping at the dried up tear tracks. “It’s sad that they had to end up this way, but that’s their story. Ours is different. If I can help it, we won’t end up there. I wanna stay with you William. I love this work, I love what we do, and I love you.”
Est paused, hoping his eyes were conveying his genuineness and making up for the quiver in his voice. “I didn’t know P’Tin and P’Fai too well but I can confidently say they didn’t share the bond we do. I’ve accepted the fact that the hate is going to be present no matter what we do. And it feels like a very small price to pay for getting to continue working with you. Yes, I was questioning it back then, but it’s all in the past now. You convinced me to be strong like you are and stay, so that’s what I’m gonna do, no matter what. Even if you waver, it’ll then be my turn to hold onto you and not let you go. So you don’t have to shoulder everything, we’re in this together.”
Est wrapped his arms around William and crowded him in an embrace, hooking his chin on William’s shoulder. He continued, “What you’re feeling is valid. I’m scared too, a lot of things have happened that almost made us go our separate ways and there’s no guarantee that there won’t be more. But I’m willing to try now, try my best to hold on to you. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m so so happy Willy. Here, with you, I wouldn’t exchange this for anything in the world.”
“Even if you could go back to swimming professionally?”
Est pulled back, gazing into William’s eyes, his voice unwavering now, “No, not even if I could do that.”
Time slowed down, as they kept on staring motionlessly into each other’s eyes, trying to take a peek at the other’s soul, trying to convey emotions that could never be put into words, trying to let the universe know that they belong together.
Est leaned forward slowly, planting a soft and slow kiss on William’s forehead. William closed his eyes, feeling his body melt against Est, finally letting all the unrelenting pressure and anxiety that he had built up in the past hour leave his body in one go.
He smiled as Est dropped another soft kiss on his forehead, his hands gripping Est’s collar as his leg slowly hooked behind Est, caging him in, wishing for this moment to last a bit longer. Est didn’t plan on pulling away any time soon, he wanted to show just how much William meant to him and he wasn’t leaving before he accomplished the task.
His next kiss landed between William’s eyebrows, followed by one on his nose bridge. Then it was his eyes’ turn, then both the cheeks. Est peppered light kisses all over William’s face. His kisses slowly approached the corner of William’s lips. He leaned back and looked at William, silently giving him the opportunity to stop, if he wished to.
William gazed back, his eyes soft with unspoken emotion. Their journey to get to this point hadn’t been easy and they had been quite open about that fact. It was also a matter of pride, a sort of fuck you to everyone that wanted them to stay apart. Everytime they brought up how they’re still together even after all the hardships, they were letting the universe know that they would continue to do so, no matter what obstacle it threw in their course. But that sort of trust in each other, in each other’s choices, doesn’t come so easily.
They had to have had at least a hundred deep talk sessions, some of them lasting the whole night. Some ended with a small smile, some ended with a nice hug, and there were two where they might have cuddled afterwards. Through words, through actions, they’ve always let each other know how much they love the other. That’s their thing, communication; they like to think they’re pretty good at it.
Even though, William has the habit of not picking up Est’s calls when he gets stressed, he has promised to slowly work on it. Est was just simply glad that William had decided to send that text today, instead of spending the night all alone, crying through his emotions.
Any small topic you could think of relevant to them, they’ve probably talked about it. Est knew a million small details about William’s life, either through simple observation or because William told him; and the same went for William with Est.
Sometimes they get surprised about how they never run out of stuff to talk about. William used to feel that their silences at the start of their relationship were pretty awkward, so he used to talk about random stuff like the sandwich he ate that day, how good Lego is at choreographing, or how the Australian zoo just announced the birth of a new koala. Now, their silences were comfortable, but William still filled them with random talk but only because he wanted to. He loved telling Est about his day, about all the stuff that went through his head, and in turn, loved to listen to whatever Est had to say.
And still somehow, they had managed to avoid talking about the elephant in the room.
Est always assumed that when he got a serious work partner for his series, it would be pretty easy to keep the relationship professional. He’d seen a lot of BL couples do that, even in his close friends circle. But he was not ready when William waltzed into his life and shook up all his expectations about how their relationship would pan out to be.
Est would try his best to keep the fanservice to a minimum, which wasn’t a problem because William was quite like him in that aspect, they both didn’t like putting up acts (ironic, being actors). So all the interactions they had in public were mostly genuine, except a few amped up moments for teasing purposes. This posed a further problem, they were genuinely flirting with each other every moment they got.
They both knew they were enjoying their unmistakable chemistry and charming banter, and with the deep connection they developed, even just as friends, the attraction was unstoppable. But, no one spoke about it, too scared to let it become tangible. There were still too many if’s, but’s, and no’s surrounding the prospect of an actual romantic relationship. No matter how many times William wanted to kiss Est silly, he couldn’t ignore the situation they were in.
Their future wasn’t certain. Was GMM gonna make them an official couple? Would ThamePo be successful? Would they be regarded as good actors? Would all LYKN fans accept Est? Would fans be happy that William would be dividing his time between Est and LYKN? Would William even be able to handle the burden of such a packed schedule?
But now, looking into Est’s eyes that posed a question towards William, he decided that if he doesn’t take the plunge now, he might never get the chance again.
They were an official GMM couple now. They had a plan to star in a new series. ThamePo’s success exceeded everyone’s expectations. Most of LYKN fans seemed to genuinely adore the bond William had developed with Est. William had figured out a way to manage both his LYKN and Est schedules simultaneously. And what if he got a bit tired here and there? The happiness he was getting out of his current career situation was enough to offset any small setbacks.
William realised he was ready to add a romantic element into the mix. People say it’s a lot of work, dating someone. He agreed, it did sound like a lot of work. But if it’s P’Est, he already knew it’ll all be worth it in the end.
And so he leaned forward, closing the gap between them. It was not their first time kissing, they already knew what the other tasted like. But, this was different. It was only a simple peck at first, slow and tentative, but it held a million confessions. It was a promise, to stay together, to fight for each other, to love, and to hold, maybe forever.