Work Text:
Kara
.
Then we disappear again.
"We're home," I say, sighing, unable to believe what just happened.
That Lena was about to kill me, and I would have let her, which makes me think that I obviously could never fight against her.
The problem here is that everything always ends so badly, no matter how hard I try.
I look at Mxzy, and he also looks relieved to have been able to get us out of there.
"It was one of the most emotionally draining experience of my life," I say.
“Fine, but it ain't over 'til it's over," he says, sitting across from me. "We just have to find another time for you to tell Lena the truth." I see his hands preparing. "Ready for one more?"
"No," I shake my head at once. "Definitely not. Every time I try to tell Lena the truth, there are always consequences, big consequences. And I can't just go back and erase my mistakes. I'll have to live with them, focus on the now, and how to fix things."
"I understand."
"But I want you to know that you really helped me today. Now I know what I have to do."
"Well, that's because that magic, Kara, can't be forced. You have to find it."
"And I think I found it today. I finally understood why it hurts so much, or why I would change an entire reality just for her, why I can't bear to have lost her."
"So you realized," he smiles.
"Was that your goal?" I ask.
"Not really," he answers, "but I did know that no matter what reality you stayed in, you would always feel exactly the same. You just had to figure it out."
"I think I'm really bad at this whole feelings thing."
"What will you do?" he asks.
"I don't know," I reply, "but I don't think I have much to lose anymore, because I already lost her once. Maybe I just have to take a leap of faith and hope to fix things."
"I think everything will work out," he smiles at me. "After all, there will always be a Kara Zor El and a Lena Luthor, you just have to go for it."
"Thanks, Mxy," I say.
"You can always call me," he smiles. "After all, I think we're friends now."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"See you soon, Kara."
"Goodbye, Mxy."
When he disappears, I start to reflect on everything that just happened. First, Lena went to Metropolis and I ended up dying. Then, Lena died in my arms after coming to help us without kryptonite. And when we finally worked together, everything ended horribly, with everyone dying. Not knowing each other was definitely even worse.
Because none of that was as it should have been, I have to face my mistake and pray to Rao to win her back, to make her understand, and for that, I think I'll have to be more honest than ever. After all, it's not every day you realize you've been in love with your best friend for years.
I mean, I'm the biggest idiot in the world. I almost changed the whole reality just for her, because I can't stand the fact that she hates me, much less that she's working with Lex.
Why did I have to see all the other realities to realize I can't live without Lena? That I love her so much that... I'd do anything for her... I'd die for her.
I would have let the metallo Lena kill me, I wouldn't have fought, because no matter what, that was Lena, and I love her, and I will love her in every universe.
I put on my suit and fly to Lena's apartment. I see her putting the kettle on to heat up for tea.
Rao, she's so beautiful, and she hates me.
When I land, she looks at me seriously.
"Let me guess," she begins to move. "Did you come to tell me to forgive you one more time?" She walks, moving a little closer. "Or to tell me not to work with my brother?"
"Not this time."
"So what did you come here for, Supergirl?"
"Just for this," I say, moving quickly forward and kissing her, and Rao her lips are so soft.
Lena is in shock, but I feel her kiss me back, pulling me closer and tangling her hands in my hair as I pull her closer by the waist. Then she reacts by pushing me away, both of us breathing heavily.
"You... Kara..."
"I'm in love with you, Lena," I say, looking at her. "I've been in love with you for years. I just understood today, when this fifth-dimensional elf came and helped me change reality, which didn't turn out very well…"
"Kara, stop," she says, stepping back. "Are you in love with me?"
"Yes," I nod.
She looks affected, her heart beating fast.
"I need a whiskey."
"What? Lena..."
"Let me have a glass of whiskey first, Kara," she says.
I stand in the middle of the room like an idiot while I watch Lena pour herself a drink. At least she didn't blow me away, or try to hit me for the kiss or yell at me. It's something, I tell myself.
.
.
Lena
.
.
I'm about to pour myself a cup of tea when I see Kara land, because she thinks the balcony is an entrance.
She must have come to ask me to forgive her or to leave Lex, but nothing prepared me for that kiss. I couldn't help but respond by tangling my hands in her hair to pull her closer. But then I realize what's happening and pull away from her, very affected, only for Kara to later confess that she loves me.
Kara Danvers loves me. The woman I've loved for years is in love with me. This is too much to take in. I need a drink to regain control of my emotions.
As I pour myself a glass, I watch Kara fidget with her cape. The damn idiot who comes and turns my head into a mess.
I walk back and gesture for her to sit across from me.
When we're both sitting a little apart for my sanity, and over a glass of whiskey, I decide that now we can talk, because this definitely needs to be talked about.
"Let me get this straight," I begin. "You're in love with me, and it's been going on for a long time, but you just realized it today?"
“Yes” she answers “I know it sounds confusing, it's just that it's always been here” she points to her chest “but I'm a bit of an idiot” I look at her “well, very idiotic with feelings ok… so I lost you and now my life is chaos because I miss you, and I feel miserable because I don't know how to live without you, you are everything to me Lena, and not having you hurts like losing my planet again.”
I'm speechless, she's being so honest, but I find it hard to accept, I find it hard to believe her.
"But you lied to me," I say angrily.
"Yes, and it was the biggest mistake of my life," she tells me. "But today I learned that I would change reality for you, Lena. I would die for you, but I couldn't find a way to fix things without something worse happening."
"Wait a minute," I think about what she said. "Would you change reality?"
"Oh... yeah."
Kara looks nervous now.
"What did you do, Kara?"
"Maybe I tried to fix our friendship by going back in time or something..."
"You'll have to explain it better than that," I say.
She sighs.
"At least you're talking to me," she says with a smile.
"Don't change my mind," I say seriously.
Because the truth is, I have no idea why I'm sitting here having a quiet conversation with the woman who lied to me for years, and with whom I'm so angry.
But of course she had to come, kiss me, and tell me she's in love with me, something I've always wanted, but not like this.
"Okay," she says, "so there's this..."
And Kara tells me everything. We sit there for a long time while she recounts three times she told me she was Supergirl, and none of them ended well. I mean, were we meant to be like this? To end up separated?"
"And that's it?" I ask.
"Yes," she says, a liar.
"Kara," I warn her, "tell me."
"It's better if I don't tell you the last time. I mean, it ended badly too, so it's better..."
"Kara, tell me."
And she tells me, where I was a metallo, and all because I hadn't met her.
"Would you have let her kill you?" I ask.
"I could never fight you, even if you weren't exactly you, that was all my fault too."
"To think I could do something like that," I say.
"Lena, that wasn't you," she tells me. "You're good, kind, and you want to make a better world."
I look at her, still coming to terms with what could have been.
“That doesn't exist” she tells me “we here at this moment are the ones who exist, this is reality, and here it took me a long time to tell you, making us both suffer, but I learned that I can't change the past, only live in the present and hope for the best for the future, and I want you in my future Lena, I will always want you in my future, so if there is even the slightest chance that we can be friends again I will strive to be better and I will never lie to you again.”
“Do you want to be friends again after you kissed me?”
“Well, if we can be more than friends, that would be even better, because I'd spend my whole life loving you,” she clarifies.
“I'm so mad at you,” I tell her, “really mad,” she nods, “and we'll have to talk a lot more than we did just now,” she looks at me hopefully, “but...”
Screw it, I get up, walk over to her, grab her face, lean in, and kiss her, and this time I enjoy the kiss as she comes out of her initial shock and kisses me back. Kissing her is definitely way better than in my dreams.
"But we could try, even though it won't be easy, and I don't trust you right now," I tell her.
"I'll do whatever you want as long as you give me a chance," she says.
"Whatever I want?"
"Lena, I literally just told you that I almost changed reality. Besides, today, after understanding everything, I realized it's always been you. I would have released those chemicals on the plane just to save you, because you're my world, my everything. I can't live without you."
I sigh.
"So just let me love you and show you that this is real, that my feelings for you are real, and that I will spend the rest of my life rewarding you." She pulls me closer.
I stare into her eyes, searching for deception, for lies, but I only see honesty and love reflected in her eyes.
"Okay," I say, "but it will be hard for you to make me trust you again, and I might yell at you sometimes or not want to see you and fight with you."
"I accept that," she says.
"But… I'm sorry too, Kara," I say. "I'm sorry for manipulating you and enclosing you in kryptonite. I'm so sorry about all that. I wanted to hurt you and make you feel the pain I have, but it wasn't the best way. I made a mistake, and I never should have done it."
"I forgave you a long time ago," she says. “It was my fault.”
I hug her. I honestly don't think I deserve that forgiveness, because even though I'm very hurt and angry with her, I shouldn't have done all those things.
"I love you, Lena," she says. "I love you with all my heart."
"I love you too."
And then she kisses me, and I lose myself in the kiss.
Yes, I think giving us a chance despite everything is the right thing to do, because even though it won't be easy, I can't help but love her, and knowing that she loves me is what I've always wanted.